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    The Seven Rings of Marriage
    The Seven Rings of Marriage
    The Seven Rings of Marriage
    Ebook251 pages5 hours

    The Seven Rings of Marriage

    By Jackie Bledsoe

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Studies show that roughly one out of two marriages end in divorce.

    One of the reasons for this is couples today are not prepared for all—the good and bad—that may happen in marriage. Are you prepared?

    Author and blogger Jackie Bledsoe outlines the seven stages, or seven rings of marriages, that will equip couples for all stages in marriage. He challenges couples to keep moving through each stage for a lasting and fulfilling marriage.

    Through The Seven Rings of Marriage, readers gain a deeper appreciation of what marriage is, and get a clear picture of what may lie ahead in their marriage. Diligently go about making your marriage everything you and your spouse hoped for, and more!
    The seven rings are:
    • Ring #1—Engagement RING 
    • Ring #2—Wedding RING
    • Ring #3—DiscoveRING 
    • Ring #4—PerseveRING 
    • Ring #5—RestoRING
    • Ring #6—ProspeRING 
    • Ring #7—MentoRING
    Visit http://jackiebledsoe.com/7rings/ to learn more about The Seven Rings of Marriage, and get additional resources.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherBH Publishing Group
    Release dateFeb 1, 2016
    ISBN9781433689925
    The Seven Rings of Marriage

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      Book preview

      The Seven Rings of Marriage - Jackie Bledsoe

      The 7 Rings of Marriage is a unique approach to enriching your marriage. Marriages either grow or regress. They never stand still. This book will definitely help you have a growing marriage. I highly recommend it to couples of all ages.

      —Gary D. Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages

      I’ve been following Jackie’s story for a while now. Humble, insightful, and revealing, Jackie is more than an inspiration. He’s like a marriage GPS. His 7 Rings model can show you exactly where your relationship is and where it’s going. And it’s grounded in the kind of personal experience that proves the program.

      —Michael Hyatt, New York Times best-selling author and blogger, MichaelHyatt.com

      I have been absolutely amazed to watch the trajectory of Jackie Bledsoe’s influence. He is quickly becoming the thought leader in matters of family and fatherhood. He is already an influence in my life. This book captures perfectly the mind and heart of Jackie. I predict it will become a classic in the ministry of marriage and parenting.

      —Thom S. Rainer, president and CEO, LifeWay Christian Resources

      Jackie Bledsoe was able to write this book only because he’s living it! I have been honored to be a part of Jackie’s life over the past few years, and I have seen him experience these various Rings of marriage that every couple encounters at some point. Pay close attention to what you read, then put it into practice. The result will be a better, more loving marriage that brings you years of pleasure.

      —Kevin B. Bullard, president, Marriage Works!, www.marriageworks.us

      The 7 Rings of Marriage delivers a powerful message: husbands and wives can love one another as God intended, even during the tough times. Jackie gives specific guidelines to help us address the challenges in marriage that are sure to come, and shines a light on the safest path to progress.

      —Mark and Susan Merrill, founders of Family First, All Pro Dad, and iMOM

      Every couple starts marriage with a lot of hope. We hope the longer we are married, the better our marriage will be. But for many couples that isn’t the case . . . Longer married doesn’t always equate to a better marriage. What I love about The 7 Rings of Marriage is the infusion of hope Jackie gives each of us in our marriage relationship. No matter where you are in your marriage you will find practical and insightful truths that move you closer to God and closer to the person you love most. Don’t just buy this book . . . read it, absorb it and apply it.

      —Justin Davis, author of Beyond Ordinary: When a Good Marriage Just Isn’t Good Enough

      The 7 Rings of Marriage is a refreshing resource that has the power to help marriages in a really practical way. Jackie’s approach to helping married couples understand the state of their marriage and how they can move forward in their relationship is clearly explained as he describes each of the 7 Rings. This book is timely. Our hope is that husbands and wives invest into their marriage by reading this book together, challenging themselves to continue on strong in their marriage.

      —Aaron and Jennifer Smith, founders of HusbandRevolution.com and Unveiledwife.com

      Jackie Bledsoe is an extraordinary leader. In a time where many couples only want to share the front stage of their marriage with others, Jackie has the courage to take you behind the scenes and show you the back stage. He is transparent about the failures and successes of his own marriage and teaches you how tough times can serve as lessons learned if you allow them to. From leading his own family well to teaching you how to lead and love yours, this book will transform your marriage. Transparent, authentic and honest, his 7 Rings Model will not only give you hope for the future, but will show you how to put that hope in action.

      —Jevonnah Lady J Ellison, leading purpose strategist and founder of Maximum Potential Academy

      The 7 Rings of Marriage is a true gift to couples. Jackie’s practical and relatable style makes it easy to enjoy the 7 Rings principles and, more importantly, put them into practice to make a real difference in everyday married life. Living an awesome marriage isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely worth it—and this book provides a road map to make it happen.

      —Dustin Riechmann, author of 15 Minute Marriage Makeover and founder of EngagedMarriage.com

      Setting the right expectations for marriage is essential for couples that want to go the distance, but it seems today marriage is a thick fog that leaves so many confused and hopeless. Consider this a hand to lead you out. Jackie holds nothing back in sharing his struggles and failures as a way to provide you hope that you can have your happily ever after!

      —Casey and Meygan Caston, cofounders of Marriage365.com

      Jackie’s and Stephana’s passion for all of us to have the best possible marriage no matter our present circumstances permeates every page of this book! Jackie becomes our brother sharing his failures and successes. He and Stephana draw you in with their incredible transparency, humor, time-tested practical marriage tips, and provide marriage evaluation tools. With more than thirty years in marriage ministry, The 7 Rings of Marriage is a resource I’ll use with all my clients!

      —Clarence Shuler, president and CEO, BLR: Building Lasting Relationships

      The 7 Rings of Marriage is a must read for all couples, from newlyweds to those couples who have been together for decades. Each Ring will deepen your understanding of marriage and you will be able to equip yourself to have the marriage you desire. You will see how each Ring is connected to one another giving you the vision for an extraordinary marriage . . . a marriage where you are fully present, intentional, and continually growing together. Jackie’s insights, stories and passion will have you wanting more.

      —Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, ONE Extraordinary Marriage, cohosts of the #1 Marriage Podcast on iTunes

      A few years ago, my wife and I bought a Fireproof DVD for every couple we know as Christmas gifts. Now I know what I’ll be giving for Christmas this year! The 7 Rings of Marriage is powerful. Touching. Honest. And most important, I can put this information into practice TODAY.

      —Donnie Bryant, copywriter, founder of Donnie-Bryant.com

      The 7 Rings of Marriage is one of the most amazing tools to grow a healthy marriage out there!

      —Eric Dingler, campus pastor, NewPointe Community Church

      What I love most about this book is the author lives its message. I’ve been following Jackie’s story for years now and have seen him love his wife and kids up close and personal. If you want to learn how to do marriage and family right from someone who walks the walk, read this book.

      —Jeff Goins, best-selling author of The Art of Work

      Copyright © 2016 by JBSB Companies, LLC

      All rights reserved.

      Printed in the United States of America

      978-1-4336-8864-5

      Published by B&H Publishing Group

      Nashville, Tennessee

      Dewey Decimal Classification: 306.81

      Subject Heading: MARRIAGE \ HUSBAND AND WIFE \ DOMESTIC RELATIONS

      Photo of hands on cover were taken by Dimensions Photography.

      Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is from the Holman Christian Standard Bible (

      hcsb

      ), copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission.

      Also used: The New Living Translation (

      nlt

      ), copyright 1996, 2004. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

      Also used: New American Standard Bible (

      nasb

      ), the Lockman Foundation, 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, used by permission.

      Also used: New International Version® (

      niv

      ), copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All Rights Reserved. International Bible Society. Use of either trademark requires the permission of International Bible Society.

      Also used: New International Readers Version (

      nirv

      ), copyright © 1995, 1996, 1998, 2014 by Biblica, Inc.®. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

      Also used: King James Version (

      kjv

      ) which is public domain.

      1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 • 21 20 19 18 17 16

      To my wife, Stephana . . .

      I thank God for you. Throughout this process, through the emotional ups and downs, and through some occasional tantrums, you have been there to listen, to share, and to help me grind it out. There is absolutely no way I could have done this without you. Nor is there any way I could do, or ever want to do, life without you. So, I say, thank you, and I love you.

      Introduction

      Marriage is not what it used to be.

      Marriage is under attack.

      Marriage is what you make of it.

      Marriage is the legally formalized union . . .

      Marriage has so many descriptions, labels, and definitions. Couples today are confused. They don’t truly know what marriage is. They don’t see enough models for lasting and fulfilling marriages. Due to this they are lacking hope in their marriages and uncertain if they will make it.

      Maybe you are one of those couples. You have questions but not enough answers. You want more in marriage but don’t know how to get more. You may not believe more is even possible in your marriage.

      My wife and I had the same questions and concerns early in our marriage. We had our first child before we had even considered marriage, then tied the knot ten months later. We quickly felt like our marriage was under attack or, better yet, that we both were under attack from one another.

      I guess we should have expected some tough times. After all our marriage started with a honeymoon that was something we barely speak of to this day. Following are some of the highlights from our honeymoon. Upon arrival to our destination, we were almost too afraid to get out of the car. My wife decided to sleep on the couch, refusing to sleep in the bed. The most memorable meal (and not a good memory) we had on our honeymoon was some rubbery fried chicken that the bugs swarming around us probably enjoyed more than we did. It was by all accounts not the ideal way to start a marriage.

      In addition to our unforgettable honeymoon, we’ve experienced many more bumps and bruises. We’ve shared the hurt from failed marriages of family and close friends. We know from our own experience what real marriage struggle looks and feels like. But we also know what the experiences of lasting and fulfilling marriages are like. Our marriage has been molded through the lessons our own bumps and bruises have taught us, as well as a watchful eye on other successful marriages. And we are the benefactors of marriage mentors who have poured their hearts, insights, and lives into our relationship.

      In this book I will not only share with you what marriage is, but I will share our marriage-transforming experiences to open your eyes to the type of marriage that is possible for you. You’ll see the big picture as well as the fine details of the marriage masterpiece. All of which will help you experience more in your marriage.

      My wife and I, as well as many of our friends, were caught off guard with what happens in marriage. Had we known what we now know, we could have saved some headaches, some heartaches, and some marriages.

      I’ve written for several years on a wide range of marriage-related topics. And I’ve studied marriage, my own and others, for even more years. Through this I firmly believe marriage is something that was created to last and to be fulfilling.

      That’s where the 7 Rings of Marriage came from. The rings came from the experiences and journey of not only our marriage but also from other couples who have experienced a marriage that stands the test of time and fulfills what both husband and wife need in their marriage.

      I will warn you though, these experiences don’t come without risk, and it’s not all good all of the time. Some stories I will share in this book I’ve never mentioned publicly, or at least not in detail, because of embarrassment and the feeling that I’ve failed as a husband and the leader of my family.

      By sharing this with you, I hope you gain a deeper appreciation of what marriage is and get a clear picture of what may lie ahead in your marriage. Then I hope you diligently go about making your marriage everything you and your spouse hoped for and more.

      Chapter One

      When Your Dream Becomes a Nightmare

      Marriage isn’t for you.

      –Seth Adam Smith’s dad

      hink back to your wedding day, better yet the day you proposed to your wife, or your husband proposed to you. Do you remember how you felt—whether you were excited, nervous, or even scared? You were probably thinking about the wonderful life you were about to share together.

      Marriage Is Risky Business

      Few of you were thinking about the risk of marriage versus the reward. In reality, marriage is a huge risk today. Some studies report that as many as half of all marriages end in divorce. That doesn’t even include married couples that don’t divorce but live together unhappily ever after, or just live apart. Why would you risk that?

      What else do we commit so much to that has such a high probability of failure? There must be a pretty high reward to risk that much. Think about it this way: Would you deposit your hard-earned money in the bank if, when the time came to pay your bills, you had only a 50 percent chance that money would be there? The bank would have to promise you a pretty hefty reward for that risk. Or would you show up to work each week, at least five days per week, and spend eight to ten hours per day working, if when payday came around, you had a 50-50 chance your check was going to be cut? I’m guessing you’re shaking your head no right now.

      So, when it comes to marriage, knowing the risks, why do it? Why even get married? This seems to be the thought on many couples’ minds as fewer couples are getting married today than ever before. Part of the reason for the decline is they don’t know why you should get married. They only see the why-you-shouldn’t-get-married part of it. And that comes with a 50-50 shot at divorce.

      What Are Your Reasons for Getting Married?

      Those that do get married can inadvertently increase their chances of divorce. Their reasons for getting married make it more risky and more likely to fail. It’s kind of like me going into an ice cream store looking to get my desire fulfilled for a soft taco, burrito, or nachos. (Three of my favorites!) No matter how much I like them, or how good it looks when I imagine eating them, or how excited I am about filling that void in my stomach and pleasing my taste buds, I’m going to fail at fulfilling those desires. I can hope or even try to force the person behind the counter to make me a taco, but waffle cones aren’t going to work out too well in lieu of taco shells. And I doubt they have lettuce, salsa, cheese, beans, or guacamole in the back. It just doesn’t make sense for me to try to get something from a place that has other purposes when it comes to meeting my need for food.

      Learning what marriage is can help lower the risk of wanting tacos or burritos when rocky road and vanilla ice cream are really what I should be looking to get out of the store.

      When you determine the what, the who, and the value in marriage, you can have a better success rate. If you don’t get these things straight, then what was intended to last forever may end way sooner than that. What was intended to be a means for two people to enjoy fulfillment becomes something that takes more than it gives. The fairy-tale dreams become nightmares for many people. And it’s getting such a bad name that people who have never experienced it are having nightmares in advance; thus they are deciding to not even go that route. They’re saying forget tacos and ice cream! Neither are going to agree with my stomach! Crazy analogy I know, but it works. Because if you wanted tacos and someone is trying to get ice cream down your throat, or vice versa, you aren’t going to be pleased!

      So, how do you prevent your dreams of an amazing, long-lasting, and truly fulfilling marriage from becoming nightmares of dissatisfaction, frustration, wasted years, and broken hearts? First, you need to know the purpose of marriage.

      Assembly Instructions

      I’ve only recently discovered the power of Amazon and ordering online. I know I’m late, way late to the party, but I’m now on board. Part of my objection to ordering things online was due to the fact I couldn’t touch, feel, or test it out. My love language is physical touch, and apparently my shopping language is too. Plus the first few items I ordered online, several years ago, I had to return. In fairness to Amazon, I used another online store to purchase these items. I order stuff all the time now. And although I can’t touch and feel it before ordering it, I can check out the reviews, read about the manufacturer, and in some cases I can even pull up instruction manuals and find out what all is in the box. I love that!

      Once my package comes, I open it up; and if it’s something that needs assembling, I pull out the assembly instructions, determine what pieces are included, and note how each piece will be used. That’s the important part when trying to put stuff together. I need to know what all this stuff is for. What purpose does it serve, and what intended outcome am I supposed to get?

      Marriage is the same way. In order to find out what marriage is for, what’s the purpose, and what’s the intended outcome, we need some help. In the case of my Amazon shipments, that help comes from the manufacturer, who was wise enough to provide me with a set of instructions to tell me what these various parts are for and the intended outcome for them. In the case of marriage, I go to the Manufacturer in much the same way. Who created marriage and for what purpose?

      The Bible tells me that God created marriage, and He even gave the first married couple some great info on what marriage is for. That’s where we all need to begin, on the Manufacturer’s floor.

      Just about everyone who has heard or read anything about the Bible knows the story of Adam and Eve. During

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