Sex For All

I

SEX & LIFE

Sex is a universal phenomenon. The fact that sex is of fundamental importance, can hardly be overemphasized. Sex is the very foundation of existence. The relation between man and woman is of supreme importance and therefore has been a fit subject of study since time immemorial. The more we know about it, the more near we are to the truth and reality. After all, a person belongs either to male or female sex, and is creation of the union of two opposite sexes.

The ancient Indian genius probed into the secrets of sex with the same earnestness which marked the search in other fields of knowledge like philosophy, literature, religion, medicine etc. The ancient Indian seers made extensive and indepth study of the subject and found the results very useful. They were very wise and arrived at their conclusions from results based on long, patient and meaningful researches. The secrets of sex lore thus arrived at were conscientiously and zealously guarded as esoteric and were divulged only to the initiated ones. These secrets were handed down orally from generation to generation and it helped a lot in making life happier, fuller and more enjoyable. But unfortunately, with the passage of time many inhibitions and taboos cropped up and sex and its science and art was virtually proscribed.

Human nature basically remains the same and sex is still an integral part of our life. But the lack of right awareness of sex and matters related to it has led us to unwholesome thinking, prejudices, wrong habits, perversity and mental and physical disorders. A right understanding of the subject can be a great source, both of pleasure and elevation. The scientific, rational, frank and free approach to sex and its propagation can certainly yield for greater mental and physical satisfaction leading to the life of fulfilment and meaningfulness. Our ancient seers underlined the fact that the path of Moksha or final liberation could be paved only with Dharma, Artha and Kama. One without the other is incomplete and imbalanced.

Sex or Kama has its due importance in life and cannot be brushed off easily aside. Sex is not an end in itself but a powerful means to a greater and higher good. It is an essential step toward’s that goal. Sex, sexual relations and sexual union in human beings is of the highest order. A happy sexual experience can be a great source of responsible social behaviour, constructive activities, and of artistic and spiritual awakening. There is no denying the fact that in general a happy sex experience can be of a great help on the path of spiritual realization. Ignorance in sex matters is a curse, which may take much out of the joy of love and living. Wrong concepts about the sex or lack of its knowledge has ruined many a life. Abiding and loving sexual relations help in building a sensible, happy and constructive human society. Sex is not lust nor lust sex. Sex transcends the limits of procreation and sensual pleasure. Procreation can be achieved through artificial insemination and sexual pleasure or orgasm through masturbation.

Sexual union is not merely physical, it is a union of two souls as well. That is why most of our mystic and religious literature has erotic overtones and the union of the soul with the Universal Soul has always been depicted in terms of male and female union. Sex is an integral part of life and it’s proper knowledge is essential to make life whole and complete in its true sense. Sex is a great power and it can be used both for good and evil purposes. Little or no knowledge or wrong knowledge leads one towards the evil use of the sex, while its proper and relevant understanding results in responsible social behaviour and healthy relationship. Sex is a powerful natural urge, which if satisfied generally develops into a healthy, loving and meaningful human contacts and intimacy. It can, if sensibly used, liberate hidden constructive energy in a man, while its suppression or perversion can cause much damage and destruction.

Sexual pleasure and orgasm through coitus has its cultural, moral and spiritual aspects as well. Cultural, moral and spiritual refinement are possible only in a society where there is no sex repression and sex ignorance. Disciplined, intelligent and yet free use of sex and sexuality have always been a great source of cultural, artistics, literary, moral and spiritual attainments. Many of our serious crimes are due to the lack of sex satisfaction, sex knowledge and sex awareness.

We see that sex, Mithuna or man-woman motif finds frequent expression in ancient Indian art and literature. The subject of sex and its study is of quite ancient origin Mithuna or the symbol of sex and sexual union and creation goes centuries back to Vedic period. Brahma created Sarswati, his own daughter in order to procreate through her Dualism came into being for the purpose of creation and pleasure arising out of it. In Satpatha Brahmana Mithuna stands for two, a pair of man and woman. According to cosmic theories God desired that he may be many and he reproduced himself through his voice or vak. This creative force was further represented by symbols of lingam (Shiva) and yoni (Parvati). Thus sexual act had always been considered as an act of sacrifice by man and woman to Kama the god of love and sex.

Perhaps in the whole scheme of creation nothing is more important than sex. That is why sex is so attractive and its urge so strong and natural. Sexual union has been accepted in every culture and clime as the highest concept of human existence. It symbolised life’s abundance, beauty, joy, fertility and auspiciousness. Sexual satisfaction in the form of married life had been the very basis of attaining Dharma, Artha and finally Moksha. Sex knowledge and satisfaction primarily yielded maximum contentment, happiness and mutual love, and secondly, it cemented the filial and marriage bonds. The religious texts and scriptures emphasize in no uncertain terms the facts of possessing a wife by a householder as a basis of social order, progress and harmony. Mithuna or copulating couples on the walls of many famous temples represent unity of God and soul on the one hand, on the other it is a kind of warning to men and women of unfulfilled sexual desires.

Sex is a living entity and it will last as long as the life does. It forms a bridge between the two partners. Every human being possess a sex and is possessed by sex. Life force is expressed through sex. Sex attraction culminating in love and sexual union is universal. Plato the great Greek philosopher writing about this has said that man and woman are two halves of an original one-piece model. Before this one-piece original is sent down to the earth, it is cut into two halves by God. These two separated halves in the form of male and female again unite into one-piece through sexual intercourse and love. Attraction breeds and sustains love. From the cradle to the grave we need love. We want somebody who may be our constant companion, sharer of sorrows and joys, someone who may love us warmly and deeply. The craving for love is a carry-over from our infancy. In our infancy we are loved and looked after by our mother and father. We are fed both with milk and love. When we become mature this is shared with our beloveds and wives. To love and to be loved is a most cherished universal human desire. Love involves merging of two identities into one-piece meaning mutual appreciation, liking, recognition, encouragement, faith, support, a deep sense of belonging and security. Love is a great emotional element leading to enduring sexual charm, romance and thrill.

Sex is as deep and varied as life itself. It cannot be defined. It defies definition, because to define sex is to kill it, and it cannot be killed or destroyed. Sex does not consist merely in ‘maleness’ or ‘femaleness’. It is not only physical attraction or mating and perpetuation of life, but also something which gives a new meaning to life and a sense of fulfilment. No doubt, it’s main function is procreation and continuance of life, but as far as human beings are concerned its pleasure, love and spiritual aspects are equally important.

Sex is an art of love which teaches how to discover and understand one another, how to renew joy, vigour and happiness in conjugal life. It helps in developing insights into one another and into the life of things. It is a positive force which unites not only two bodies but also two whole personalities into a greater whole. In the words of sage Vatsyayana, the author of world famous Kamasutra, sex or Kama, is the enjoyment of appropriate objects by the five senses of hearing, feeling, seeing, tasting and smelling assisted by the mind together with the soul. The ingredient in this is peculiar contact between the organ of sense and its object and the consciousness of pleasure which arises from the contact.

Sex and its related matters should be studied constantly before marriage and after marriage. Most of the people may be acquainted with sex but not certainly with its science and art. It is now being increasingly felt that sex education should be imparted at young age to the boys and girls. Many States like Bihar and Madhya Pradesh have already included sex-education as a part of the curriculum at the middle school level.

It is the lack of proper sex education that creates lot of problems and somatic disorders. These disorders cause unhealthy sex life, disease and divorce. Since curiosity about sex is a natural human tendency it ought to be satisfied in a healthy educative manner. Lack of sex education among children exposes them to cheap, obscene and unhealthy sexual exposures and makes them guileible for the profane sex-traders. This sorry state of affairs ultimately creates a stage of confrontation, conflict and double standards between the young and old generations.

Dissemination of sex education has become all the more important in view of family planning. A scientific and rational approach to sex from the very beginning can prove a great source of pleasure, healing, rapture and a loving bond uniting the people.

The age-old taboos about sex ought to be dissolved because there is nothing to feel shy about sex. It is not a sin and as natural as our demand for food to survive. What is wrong and improper is its indecent exposure. Nature and God has endowed us with this gift of sex in order to make us enjoy the blithe feeling of unity and procreate in the process. Sex is a symbol of life and living. It is that great power which consummates the human existence. Though common in all the beings, it is this power in man which grants a sense of fulfilment as no baser being can experience. It is for this reason that the ancients of the same Indian ethos which now calls it obscene had equated the sexual pleasure with the bliss that one experiences when one obtains the communion with the eternity. They always asserted that ‘Kaamananda’ (pleasure of sex) is akin to Brahmananda (Bliss of realising the Brahm or the Supreme Being.) It is that feeling which is supremely ineffable but only delightfully realisable. Let us learn more about it and enjoy this great gift of God.

Chapter II

THE IMPORTANCE OF SEX IN MARRIAGE

Sex in married life may not be the sole determining factor but it is that initial link of the chain that determines the whole. There are unlimited areas in the mutual life of husband and wife that are non-sexual which when shared contribute in incalculable measure to their companionship and personal growth. So keen and absorbing at times are the interests and satisfaction of a happy couple in these non-sexual areas of their relationship that frequently, and perhaps for long periods, passionate sexual activity plays quite the subordinate role. Nevertheless the fact remains that the fundamental link of a marriage is sex. Because it is that natural urge which binds two beings together. It is one of the four inevitable urges that are present in all beings. Ancient scriptures declare that food, sleep, fear and satisfaction of the sexual urge are the four prime necessities of animal life. This being an inborn drive, its normal satisfaction becomes in most cases an essential condition for sustained harmony and mutual satisfaction in all the other areas of the marital relationship. Frustration or maladjustment in the sexual sphere seriously jeopardises the attaining of a vital, creative companionship. It is in that sense the sexual life is basic in marriage. Harmony and mutual satisfaction in the sexual sphere is likely to be the sustaining breath that blooms into a happy family life, hence a contented society and a complete nation.

Satuation of this vital urge ushers in a feeling of completion. But frustration and disharmony arising out of its non-fulfilment can ruin a man or woman, massacre his or her personality and demolish a society. As a matter of fact, sex relates to marriage as soul to life, because it influences the personality of a human being in an extra-ordinary fashion right from the lowest physical level to the highest spiritual level. Sex acts are the expression of conjugal love. Marriage is the proper institution where sexual urge can be fully expressed and satiated without any sense of guilt. The divine bliss with which sex is frequently linked to in our ancient scriptures comes in its full majesty in marriage, for it is a source of procreating ‘legitimate.’ life.

In prehistoric India, even beyond the Vedic Age, marriage as a social institution was not in vogue. It was truly a period of free-sex when man and woman mated almost like animals without any emotional involvement. But the fulfilment of sexual urge does generate a feeling of affection and affection breeds possessiveness. The episode of the gods’ guru Brihaspati having forced intercourse with his younger brother’s pregnant beloved—so vividly described in the Mahabharata— served as an eye-opener to the seer and sociologists of the time. They could appreciate the pangs of possessiveness that a sexual union entailed, leading to frequent scuffles among men and women of that ‘free-age’. They felt that the divine gift of the Almighty—the sexual urge was being reduced to a negative force, ruining the very society it was supposed to create and nurture. It was only after this incident that the primordial law give Manu recommended the institution of marriage as the prime necessity of a civilised society.

Sex in marriage serves manifold purposes. It is not the physical aspect of sex but emotional involvement that lays the foundation of a happy marriage. It is not an act of few minutes but an event of a life-time. Mutual consideration, care for each other’s prejudice and proclivities, a positive feeling of enjoyment and fulfilment are as necessary for a happy marriage as the functional capacity of the body-organs.

But sex in nuptial union is a two edged weapon that can make or mar a marriage. And plausibily so because any act which can take the performer to the supernal level of bliss can also dump him to the abyss of deep frustration if found wanting in any respect. Dr. Hamilton, the famous authority on sex says in his summary of ‘A Research in Marriage’, Unless the sex act ends in a fully realising, fully terminating climax in at least 20 percent of copulation there is likely to be trouble ahead. The least serious consequence is a chronic sense of tense, restless unsatisfaction. A mutually satisfying act of sex is like an autumn moon-lit night on the banks of Jamuna, teeming with frolic and gaiety; the frustrating sex-act, a sun scorched dry afternoon of the summers! It might sound frivolous but the fact is sex plays a very vital role not only in consummating a marriage but in overall development of the performer’s personality. What is, therefore, of the prime importance in a sex-act in marriage is total understanding between man and wife and their adjustment according to their individual characteristics. This point is very vital in the discussion and needs further dialation.

For successfully adjusted and abidingly happy marriage a positive, objective and wholesome attitude towards sex in general and the human sexual relationship in particular is the foremost necessity. It is in this regard that our scheme of education and training fails the young most seriously; it is in this respect that it does the most serious damage. Certain taboos and inhibitions fed into a growing boy or girl in the impressionable age affect the psyche of the individual and they form wrong impression about certain vital necessities of life which include sex. The mental and emotional patterns together with ingrained cultural taboos, formed in the prevailing atmosphere of many homes and in general social environment, tend to condition childhood and youth to sex negation, especially among women. It is owing to this reason that a wide yawning, often terrifying gulf has been fixed between love and sex. The one, in their impression, is pure, noble, thrilling; the other is low, animal, ugly. Hence a normal Indian girl, bred and brought in an obscurantly orthodox atmosphere tends to hide her feelings about sex. This suppression, besides giving rise to various schizophrenic traits in her personality, gives an impression that she is indifferent to sex, generating an erroneous belief among men that women do not have sexual needs and capacities at all comparable to those of men. But this is a fundamentally wrong notion. Various researches have established that women are much more sexy than men. It is only that sexuality in women manifests itself differently than it does in man. As a matter of fact women’s sexual needs and capacities are not only wholly comparable to those of men, they far exceed them. The sexologist par excellence, Vatsayan, opines that a woman’s sexual needs and capacities are verily eight times more than that of men. Another sexologist of ancient India tried to explain this difference mathematically. He says that whereas man has just one organ to manifest the effects of sex, that is penis, a woman has as much as eight different centres of eroticism, viz., buttocks, breasts and lips—two each, totalling six in number plus vagina and navel. Though it is a moot theory yet the fact the theory is trying to establish has definitely some sense in it, Indeed, for this reason, full climactic experience for women in marriage is even more important to their physical, mental and emotional health than it is for men, because sex is more intimately tied up with the whole emotional life of woman and shines more fully her whole personality.

The various researches in the field have listed the following factors as being the potential causes of the marital inequalities:

Cultural influences between infancy and maturity resulting in negation.

Ignorance.

Crude, bungling lover’s technique.

The renowned sexologist of the modern times, Mr. Havelock Ellis voices the same truth when he says, The largest part of the troubles of marriage and of the perils of sex is due merely to ignorance and superstition. The redeeming feature in the maladjustments which prevail are for the most part avoidable.

Hence it is imperative that for a happy married life these inequalities should be levelled, these chasms should be bridged by mutual consideration and by the knowledge of the psychological and physiological factors involved in the relationship. Sex is God’s greatest gift to human emotional satisfaction and there is no animality about it. It is not dirty or filthy. It is clean, eternal and all-pervading. Apart from it being medium to procreate life, it is also an act to achieve Supreme Bliss. Suppressed sex often results in the degeneration of the human ethos; many heinous sex crimes are committed, so opine the experts, because of this suppressed sexual urge. Sex is like a perennial river flowing with joy. If you try to obstruct its flow by having various bridges and dams of taboos and prohibitions constructed across it, it would burst out in unseemly directions, gushing out whatever opening it espies. Even the unnatural sex acts leading to the much feared dreaded disease like AIDS are the result of this suppression and