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    I Don't "Do" Normal
    I Don't "Do" Normal
    I Don't "Do" Normal
    Ebook141 pages55 minutes

    I Don't "Do" Normal

    By Lisa Wolf

    ()

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    About this ebook

    A collection of quotes, thoughts and insanity that used the mediums of Twitter and Facebook to amuse, delight, shock and confuse.
    From early 2008 to early 2013 I have used Twitter and Facebook to share my thoughts, philosophy, humour and interesting life experiences. These have been lovingly collected into this work for your own amusement, delight, shock and confusion.

    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherLisa Wolf
    Release dateMay 1, 2021
    ISBN9798201382919
    I Don't "Do" Normal

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      Book preview

      I Don't "Do" Normal - Lisa Wolf

      I Don’t Do NORMAL

      by Lisa Wolf

      slightly more polished Edition

      Original Edition Copyright © 2008-2013 Lisa Wolf

      slightly more polished Edition" Copyright © 2021 Lisa Wolf

      Dedication in the Original Edition:

      [This spot unintentionally left blank]

      Dedication in the slightly more polished Edition:

      For my wife, Amanda, who moved to this crazy country to marry me.

      Table of Contents

      I Don’t Do NORMAL

      Table of Contents

      An Introduction of Sorts

      An Introduction of Sorts (slightly more polished Edition)

      Philosophy

      Phrase Of The Day

      No Context

      Travel

      Weather

      Puns and Wordplay

      Media

      Animals

      Spiders

      Quotes

      Politics

      The Apocalypse

      Dreams

      Things That Go Bump in My Brain

      Work

      Mourning

      Beauty

      Poignant

      Miscellaneous and Other Miscellany

      Clichés

      Geek

      Rude and Naughty

      Sex and Gender

      Glossary

      With Thanks

      Image and Font Sources

      About the Author

      How This Book Was Made (slightly more polished Edition)

      How This Book Was Made (Original Edition)

      Other Books by Lisa Wolf

      An Introduction of Sorts

      I’ve been a Twit since sometime late in 2007, or possibly early 2008, as @darkladywolf (there’s a long and not very interesting history behind that handle) and used the service as both a way to stalk those celebrities I had a crush on, as well as a way to disseminate things I found amusing or, at the very least, interesting. Over the years I’ve had many people request that I hide all of this away where it can’t see the light of day. This got me thinking: what better place than a book?

      What you have here is a curated selection from my Twitter™ stream – with a sprinkling of FaceBook™. I have tidied up a few of the tweets, and used a more consistent style. If you really want the unedited versions you can check out my Twitter™ stream yourself¹. However, I do recommend you seek help for your strange desires first.

      Instead of just listing the Tweets in the order they came out of my mind, I’ve put them into vague and possibly even related categories.

      Be aware, however, that what you often have here is a raw, uncensored look into my mind as it develops. There are naughty words, bad thoughts and politics. Worse still, I haven’t updated anything with a better understanding of gender and language either. I won’t say abandon hope, but you might want to at least get an IOU for it.

      Let the Twittering begin …

      An Introduction of Sorts (slightly more polished Edition)

      Some force, perhaps malignant, led me back to the original manuscript² for this book and drove me to become obsessed with making it slightly better. As I write this, I’m still in thrall to said force. I hope it will release me soon as I need to cook dinner.

      A lot has changed since the original edition: I’ve got married (Hi Amanda!), moved houses a few times, lost a dog, gained a dog, lost the second dog, haven’t got Covid, survived a few more elections both here and overseas and, somehow, arrived here.

      1.Though I haven’t used that for a few years now. But feel free to torture yourself anyway

      2.‘Manuscript’ sounds far better than ‘Scraps’ don’t you think?

      Philosophy

      Sometimes I ponder the Mysteries of the Universe. Other times I just think about crap.

      I don’t care about … whatever it is I don’t care about … so much that I can’t even remember what it is I don’t care about!

      8th December 2011

      To care for others, you must first learn to care for yourself.

      5th January 2010

      The problem with all the dumb criminals we hear about being caught is that soon only the smart un-catchable ones will be left.

      24th April 2011

      Will tree doctors eventually go the way of GPs and not make house calls?

      17th January 2008

      Can you still be part of the peanut gallery if you’re allergic to peanuts?

      28th December 2011

      Anyone who – upon seeing a police car – doesn’t check their speedometer, is probably not in a car.

      27th December 2009

      The rains come. The brains go.

      12th August 2010

      Geeze people! Stop wearing [fashion I dislike] and wear [stereotypical fashion I think is acceptable]!

      18th April 2011

      Does a spider on LSD feel people running all over it?

      13th September 2010

      I want to try an experiment: I want to paint a zebra-crossing along an entire street and leave 3 feet blank. Everyone would use that 3 feet!

      31st October 2010

      First day of Ninja school would be bustling and full of life. The last day it would be as if there was no-one there …

      7th November 2011

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