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    Different Faces
    Different Faces
    Different Faces
    Ebook61 pages1 hour

    Different Faces

    By Marlene Essence Dotts

    ()

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    About this ebook

    Through the shames of guilt of losing everything including herself, realizing the pain she endured might give her a little bit of hope to hold on to.













    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherGreen Sage Agency
    Release dateAug 3, 2020
    ISBN9781952982088
    Different Faces
    Author

    Marlene Essence Dotts

    Tinkerbell Essence Dotts faces different challenges during the path of alcohol & drug addiction. Learning how to fight addiction and addictive ways on her journey to new life.

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      Book preview

      Different Faces - Marlene Essence Dotts

      Different Faces

      Copyright © 2020 by Marlene Essence Dotts.

      Paperback ISBN: 978-1-952982-07-1

      Ebook ISBN: 978-1-952982-08-8

      All rights reserved. No part in this book may be produced and transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

      The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

      Published by Green Sage Agency 07/29/2020

      Green Sage Agency

      1-888-366-9989

      inquiry@greensageagency.com

      God grant me the Serenity to accept

      the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference.

      God, I place my hand in yours, and together we can do something good….

      I can’t do it alone!

      Road to Rehab

      It was a hot summer day in July 2018 when I checked myself into a rehab in Paterson, New Jersey. I had never been to a rehab before I left Long Branch, New Jersey, three days earlier. I had left everyone…family, friends, so-called anyhow. When I stepped on to the train, I slowly looked back to wave goodbye to my husband, Chris, who had been sick for some time with heart and renal failure. We had been together since 1996 and married in 2003. We then separated in 2007. We were to go our separate ways. It was in 2007 when life’s challenges happened. I had grandkids being brought into the world. Knowing in my heart that I already failed as a parent, I wanted to be there for my grandkids. I knew my kids would need their mother, so I had to make a choice: get sober or continue to use drugs and alcohol. To make better choices, I needed to be separated from my husband because he was my enabler. He couldn’t tell me, no. He was a good guy, but on the downside, he could be very mean and abusive. I tried to get sober on my own.

      As I was sitting on the train while it was pulling off, I recalled hearing the conductor say, We are now approaching Monmouth Park, and Little Silver is next. My heart started palpitating, and my eyes began filling with tears. I thought to myself STOP! I did not want to go through with this. This would be a whole new way of life for me. Part of me knew inside that God would be giving me a new chance to live a more abundant life, but another part of me was afraid to take this leap of faith. I thought to myself, I should just get off in Middletown. I had an acquaintance, Mr. D, that lived there. I thought he would let me stay there…I could get high…. but i knew that would’ve been a dead end, something kept me on that train. My mind was all over the place. I had already arranged for my daughter, Tiarrah, to meet me in Newark Penn Station. I guess reality started setting in, thinking to myself, How could this happen? My daughter was taking off work to take me to a rehab, and for me not to show up would be a real disappointment and another slap in her face. I already felt like a failure. Why can’t I just get life right…Why can’t I just live a normal life! Tears were flowing down my face uncontrollably after passing through Middletown. There was no turning back for me now. I was determined to get my life back, the life i knew i could live, which was, at the time, my main goal, and I thought, the hell with everyone else.But when I get to penn station Tiarrah’s boyfriend Ray’Quan and Ashley was there to meet me,we get to the rehab Ray’Quan hugged me, Ashley walked me in, I had to give her everything except my clothes we hugged and said our good byes, seeing her walk out those doors to know what I had and needed to do was the right decision for me.

      First few days of Rehab…July 2018

      I felt lost, angry, and confused. My mind raced with so many thoughts. So much had happened and I didn’t understand why or how did I allow myself to get to this point. All I did know was that I had to go to this fucking Rehab to get my life back. I had lost everything; my apartment, my job, my daughters, and my grandkids. At the time, I didn’t want to accept any blame on my part. I thought to myself, I don’t have a problem; I didn’t hurt anyone…Yeah, I got evicted, lost my apartment, and everything that was on the inside was now on the outside.

      I was furious with my landlord for not working with me. I also believed it wasn’t my fault that I didn’t pay rent or didn’t call him to make payment arrangements because, in my mind, I had it all under control. I took all six of my grandkids and one of their friend that lived in the same building as me on a 3-day road trip to Orlando Florida for Christmas, I figured I’ll pay rent when I get back,It all started

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