Breathtaking Hope In The Furnace Of Infertility

What Reviewers Are Saying About This Book

The author’s transparency, obvious love for the reader, and skillful guidance into unshakable hope in the midst of infertility brought me to laughter, tears, and deep soul-searching. More importantly, this book provides the reader with exactly what it promises.

Deborah Clendon

"I have never read a book, except for the Bible, which demonstrates an author’s deep love and concern for the reader as much as Breathtaking Hope in the Furnace of Infertility. To see at the close of each chapter how we, the readers, have been prayed for by June consistently underscored God’s steadfast love for us and His approachability through prayer."

Diana Mayhugh

"If you desire intimacy with God and a lifetime of unparalleled help through your struggles, this book is a must read. Through her own failures and successes in the physical, spiritual, and emotional battles of infertility, author June Strickler transparently combines biblical truths with practical applications that can transform even the most bruised or rebellious heart into one that resonates with spiritual security and victory. Through this process, she never—

for a moment—forgets the heartache of the reader who

longs for motherhood."

Beryl Forney

"Breathtaking Hope in the Furnace of Infertility is so much more than a women’s story of God’s incredible love and hope in one of the most painful trials of life—infertility. It is a book brimming with encouraging truth of a God who desperately longs for His creation to know His redeeming love no matter your situation or current struggle. June’s story powerfully proclaims—He is a God who is trustworthy and abounds in grace and mercy. That’s Breathtaking Hope!"

Gi Gi Horrell

Unless otherwise noted all Scripture is taken from the New American Standard Bible, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Scripture marked MSG is from the Message, Copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson.

Some names and identifying details in this book have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals.

Breathtaking Hope in the Furnace of Infertility by June Strickler, published by

Encouragement That Lasts, a Washington State 501(c)(3) corporation, Ephrata, WA 98823.

PO Box 462, Ephrata, WA  98823

www.encouragementhtatlasts.org

© 2021 Encouragement That Lasts

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission from the publisher, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law. For permission contact: connect@encouragementthatlasts.org

REL012130 RELIGION / Christian Living / Women’s Interests

ISBN 978-0-578-71407-3 (paperback)

ISBN 978-0-578-81948-8 (ebook)

Book cover and interior design by Erik M. Peterson.

Published in the United States of America

First edition

Library of Congress Control Number 2020924907

DISCLAIMER:

NO WARRANTIES: No express or implied warranties of any type, including, but not limited to, any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose, are made with respect to the information, or any use of the information, in this book. The author June Strickler and the nonprofit ministry Encouragement That Lasts, make no representations and extend no warranties of any type as to the accuracy or completeness of any information or content in this book.

June Strickler and Encouragement That Lasts specifically DISCLAIM LIABILITY FOR INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES and assume no responsibility or liability for any loss or damaged suffered by any person as a result of the use or misuse of any of the information or content in this book. June Strickler and Encouragement That Lasts assume or undertake NO LIABILITY for any loss or damage suffered as a result of the use or misuse of any information or content or any reliance thereon.

USE AT YOUR OWN RISK: This book is for informational purposes only and contains information about numerous subject matters.  The information is not advice, and should not be treated as such. You must not rely on the information in this book as an alternative to legal, medical, or other advice from an appropriately qualified professional. If you have any specific questions about any legal, medical, or other matter, you should consult an appropriately qualified professional. You should never delay seeking medical advice, disregard medical advice, or discontinue medical treatment because of information contained in this book. If you are feeling suicidal, please put down this book and immediately call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

This book is dedicated to the woman

longing for a child brave enough

to grant me access to her innermost being.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1 Hope Redefined

Chapter 2 The Lonely Path

Chapter 3 The God of the Lonely Path

Chapter 4 Why Me?

Chapter 5 The First Obstacle

Chapter 6 Waiting on The Lord, and Waiting, and Waiting

Chapter 7 In God’s Classroom

Chapter 8 What Is Victory?

Chapter 9 The Worthy Goal

Chapter 10 Gagging on Flour

Chapter 11 The Amazing and The Tragic

Chapter 12 Spaghetti Sauce Days

Chapter 13 Pursuing Pregnancy

Chapter 14 You and Your Husband

Chapter 15 Is Adoption An Option?

Chapter 16 Miscarriage: Your Unforgettable Due Date(s)

Chapter 17 Secondary Infertility: Disgustingly New or Déjà vu

Chapter 18 How Do You Pray?

Chapter 19 The Holy Hallelujah!

Chapter 20 The Frail-Hearted Servant

Chapter 21 A Father’s Love

Acknowledgments

Introduction

It was a day like many others I had experienced; a day, perhaps, like you have had. I was at the kitchen sink washing dishes and wondering, Am I pregnant this time? My mind and heart were as unsettled as my last meal while I battled what had become a familiar tangle of emotions: hoping we were expecting a baby, while steeling myself against impending disappointment if we weren’t.

As I continued my task, I prayed for a peace of mind which proved elusive; not only did I have an absence of peace, but the very air around me began to feel oppressive. I decided I’d better start focusing on pleasant things and tried to imagine the joy we would have in a matter of days if we were to experience our first ever, positive pregnancy test. Almost immediately, however, I cringed at the strong possibility that this month—like so many others—would bring us no closer to becoming parents.

In disgust, I realized my mind had gone full circle—again. This hoping to be pregnant thing had become an emotional roller-coaster, and I was sick and tired of it. It really shouldn’t matter whether or not I became a mother, I reasoned. My ability to live a fulfilling life shouldn’t be dependent on something so far beyond my control as having children. Yet I couldn’t shake the fact I was terribly wounded inside and failing to gain any meaningful victory over a grueling emotional and physical battle. The unfulfilled longing for a baby was wearing me down and turning me into a person I did not want to be.

Tears trickled down my face and began falling into the soapy dishwater below. What a pitiful picture I’ve become, I thought. How I hated the wondering, hoping, and pain which accompanied infertility! No matter what I tried to tell myself, I ached for a baby!

I dried my hands, retrieved a box of tissues, collapsed in a chair at our kitchen table, and poured out my heart—and tears—before God. For the first time in my life, I acknowledged complete brokenness. I wept in agony for myself, Brad, and the children we would perhaps never know. Sitting there in despair, I sensed the next few days would prove I was not pregnant and that my hopes were again going to be dashed like pottery thrown against a rock wall.

In the midst of my grieving, thoughts of my friend Dallas came to my mind. Dallas struggles with infertility, I thought. She must have these kinds of days, too. It hurt to realize the possible depth of her soul’s distress.

My agony was rising, almost to a dangerous degree. I was rocking back and forth, sobbing. A memory of Emma’s saddened eyes flashed before me. She was a prayer partner whose joy in life was slowly being consumed in the furnace of infertility. And suddenly, like a hammer blow, I found myself weeping unashamedly for the thousands of women I had never met who were at that moment vacuuming their floors, riding the bus, putting on their makeup, sitting at the keyboard, or trying to sleep half a world away. Women whose minds were whirling: Will I ever have a baby? Doesn’t God care? Is there something wrong with me?

I couldn’t know that God, in His grace and love, had orchestrated this moment of brokenness and grief when I would literally cry out to Him, "Lord, please let me help them! Please, somehow, let me help them!" My heart’s desire that life-changing day was for God to allow me to encourage and help women—known and unknown to me—who were experiencing the same pain as me. The instant I made that heartfelt plea, I realized God had been patiently waiting for that specific prayer to pour out of my soul. I felt an immediate, undeniable assurance from Him that, yes, He would use me to encourage those He loved who were hurting.

As my aching mind began to revive and envision avenues in which God might permit me to do this, something unexpected happened. God interrupted my racing thoughts with the phrase You are to write a book. I was astounded at the specificity of it, not having often experienced this type of communication from God. Nonetheless, I found myself filled with apprehension.

Why, Lord, would You want me to write a book? I wondered. I was a people person, failure prone, and far too often learned things the hard way. It would make more sense, I reasoned, for God to choose someone who was smarter and more successful to take on that task. I brought these thoughts before God as if He somehow had forgotten them. It was both miraculous—and humorous—at how quickly and thoroughly God silenced those objections by placing the following Scripture in my mind:

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things

of the world to shame the things which are strong.

(1 Corinthians 1:27)

Ouch! God immediately put me in my place and then set my heart pounding with awe. Yes, Lord, I was forced to quietly acknowledge with fresh tears and then laughter. "I am both foolish and weak! It became clear my insecurities and shortcomings were not going to be problematic to God. I fail so often, Lord, but use me however You want to," I prayed out loud.

In His great mercy, God hid from me that day the incredible investment this endeavor would take in time, pain, trust, joy, failure, and forgiveness. I assumed the writing process would take only a few months, yet God intimately led me through it for over a two-year span of time. Those two years stretched into three, then five, seven, ten, twenty, and beyond. And while God permitted me to minister to precious friends and strangers within my peer group, He ultimately made it clear this book would contain far more wisdom and hope than I could have imagined. In His sovereign plan, it was destined to be custom-made for a younger generation facing tough and potentially terrifying times; a generation desperately in need of younger women who know and love Jesus, are grounded in truth, and able to discern God’s hand in every situation before them.

Infertility (defined as the inability of a couple to achieve pregnancy after a year of unprotected intercourse or the inability to carry pregnancies to live birth) has plagued the human race throughout history and continues, even in an era rich in medical technology. But knowing you aren’t the only couple to experience it does not dilute the pain.

Breathtaking Hope in the Furnace of Infertility provides reliable and meaningful help which encompasses your very real, physical needs as a precious soul who longs for a baby. It also honors, respects, and addresses the emotional and spiritual needs accompanying unwanted childlessness. God understands your desires. You don’t want dripping sympathy or to read someone’s story; you want a baby! And every page which follows is written in the knowledge and understanding that you long to be gently drying off your freshly bathed son or daughter and kissing the top of his or her damp, sweet smelling hair. While never losing sight of this, reliable encouragement must provide you with a foundation and shelter of spiritual truth and refreshment, even as it stretches and equips you for an entire lifetime.

It is my prayer that God will use the words shared in these pages to gently bind your wounds and encourage your heart; not only from the pain you’re experiencing from an inability to conceive and/or safely deliver a baby, but through every difficulty or heartache you encounter throughout the remainder of your life. The truths presented here are tested by time and by fire. Should you embrace them, you’ll find yourself in breathless awe and wonder of living life with a God who is everything He says He is.

While this book can be of tremendous encouragement to anyone in need, it’s specifically tailored for the woman of God who is suffering as she prays and waits for a child. However, if you are not what you would consider to be a woman of God—or find yourself wondering what might even be meant by that phrase—this book is still for you. As you read, you’ll likely discover God is not only real, but that He is neither your enemy nor unapproachable. He is holy, but also gracious and full of compassion. He is slow to anger and of great mercy. He tells us this in His Word, the Bible, and He has proven those truths to me and others countless times. My friend, God is bigger than any sins or failures you and I have committed or can bring to Him in repentance. And He deeply cares about your desire to become a mother.

I have no way of knowing where God fits into your heart or mind today, although I recognize a number of possibilities. Are you angry at God? Disappointed with Him? Not sure whether He even exists or loves you with power and perfection? If so, I humbly ask you to read the following chapters from start to finish, no matter which words, phrases, or concepts may be foreign to you (or difficult to swallow).

Perhaps you’re on the other end of the spectrum and have been trusting God and walking in faithfulness, knowing He loves you and has a beautiful plan for you, yet finding yourself in need of extra reassurance. With gratitude and joy I am able to proclaim that God is able to meet you wherever you are at physically and spiritually right now. You were in God’s mind the day I cried out my desire to help others who were going through the same inferno of agony I was experiencing. And even though you and I live in a world of heartache, uncertainty, and temporary fixes, the God I know is fully able to provide you with Breathtaking Hope. Join me, please; unwrap His gift to you in the pages to come.

1

Hope Redefined

It had been what I would call an ugly hot day. The furnace-like heat of the high desert sun, however, slowly gave way to a breath of coolness as night finally, refreshingly, took center stage.

The commercial kitchen I had been calling home for the last few days while cooking for a large ministry team was sparkling clean and put to bed for the night. My next appointment: Time outside under the stars.

There was an empty picnic table outdoors, a perfect spot from which to perch, feel the deepening night, and absorb the majesty around me. As I anticipated, the heavens were stunning. The Milky Way resembled a flagrant overhead river of lights in the midst of stars so vivid it seemed I should be able to touch them.

A woman whose name I couldn’t recall sat down with me and together we enjoyed the glory of the Arizona night sky. It wasn’t a new experience for me, having lived in the western United States all my life. But I never tired of these moments, never lost my awe of the indescribable beauty of God’s handiwork (see John 1:3).

My stargazing companion finally whispered, "I’ve never seen anything like this before! I had heard about how beautiful the stars were here and seen pictures. But to be here, to experience this…" She was unable to finish.

I didn’t have to look at her face to know why; like me, she had lost her breath in the midst of wonder and worship of God Almighty.

• • •

Breathtaking hope from God is like that. It isn’t to just be read about or reiterated. It’s personal, intimate, and meant to be experienced… by you (see John 4:14).

• • •

What grabbed our hearts that night under the stars was much more than the view. It was the immensity of the universe and the smallness of us, the recognition of our shortcomings before an unimaginably powerful Creator. Our understandable feelings of insignificance dissipated in the overwhelming, biblical knowledge that we were cherished by God (see Psalm 86:15).

The triumphant message of the Bible is that sin-stained humans have the option of entering into a free, loving, and secure relationship with the holy, all-consuming God of creation (see Romans 5:8). And it isn’t us who initiates relationship or makes it come to pass. It’s God who initiates love and relationship (see John 3:16). We’re just fortunate to have the option of responding appropriately to it.

This is hope redefined: a living hope based on what God has done and will do (see I Peter 1:3-5). And it changes everything. Including life in the ugly hot furnace of infertility. When our culture talks about hope, it isn’t anything like biblical hope, which is rooted in truth. Biblical hope isn’t about the power of positive thinking. It isn’t about trying to make lemonade out of lemons. It isn’t comprised of meaningless pep talks or cleverly designed verbiage to jazz ourselves up.

Biblical hope is about a jaw-dropping God who knows the taste of tears (see John 11:35). It’s about a God of mercy who picks us up when we’ve failed miserably (see I John 1:9). It’s about a God who knows and understands our desires to become mothers (see Genesis 30:22). It’s about the beautiful relationship we can have with God through Jesus Christ, His Son (see Romans 5:1-2). It’s about truth we can count on, every minute of every day (see John 8:31b-32).

• • •

Have you ever thought about the fact that the shining of the stars is not dependent upon our ability to view them? They’re in continuous, dazzling array all around us whether we see clouds or bright sunshine overhead or even close our eyes and can’t see anything. I find this a great reminder of the permanence of God’s truths. It’s God’s unchanging character and truths which give us (no matter our experiences) breathtaking hope.

But today? You may be hurting so horribly that it’s difficult to imagine just surviving the next week. However, there’s a spot for you at the picnic table, my friend. God lovingly reserved it for you a long time ago—before you were even born.

If you choose to join me at the table and spiritually look upward, as opposed to merely reading, I’m pretty certain we’ll shed a few tears together. Yet breathtaking hope begins to seep into our hearts little by little—or with shocking power—even as we wade through the nitty-gritty realities of childlessness against our will.

Through our unfulfilled longings for a baby, pain has come to call. And it has the cruelest way of ushering in feelings of loneliness which—if left unattended—are dangerous. The next chapter clearly demonstrates how this book traffics in truth. Your pain is