The Danger of Self-Love (Second Edition)

The Danger of Self-Love

The Danger of Self-Love

Re-Examining a Popular Myth

Paul Brownback

––––––––

© 2021

by Paul Brownback

ISBN 978-1-7372103-0-6

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. All Scripture quotations in this book are from the New American Standard Bible, © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, and 1977 by The Lockman Foundation, and are used by permission.

Material taken from You’re Someone Special by Bruce Narramore, © 1978 by Zondervan Publishing House is used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

Material taken from Is Self-Love Biblical? by John Piper, Christianity Today, 12 August 1977, © 1977 by Christianity Today is used by permission.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

Brownback, Paul

The danger of self-love.

Includes bibliographical references.

1. Self-love (Theology) 2. Existential psychology. 3.  Humanis-

tic psychology. 4. Christianity —Psychology. I. Title.

BV4639.B83 1982 248.4 82-12543 ISBN

Printed in the United States of America

To Connie

A vivid reflection

of other-oriented living

Table of Contents

Preface

Section 1 Foundational Concerns

1 More Dangerous Than Ever

2 Some Initial Concerns

3 What Kind of Love

4 Self-Love Precedes Performance

Section 2 The Secular Concept of Self-Love

1 Roots of Self-Love in Existentialism

2 Roots of Self-Love in Psychology

3 The Self-Theory of Carl Rogers

4 The Critique of Research

Section 3 The Evangelical Concept of Self-Love

1 Self-Love in Evangelical Writings

2 Biblical Words Translated Love

3 The Neighbor Passage

4 The Silence and Warning of Scripture

5 Our Creation in the Image of God

6 Distorting Redemption

Section 4 The Peril and the Alternative

1 The Peril of Self-Love

2 Need for a Better Alternative

3 The Biblical Alternative to Self-Love

4 The Benefits of Other-Oriented Living

Bibliography

Preface

(to First Edition)

The first time I heard the concept of self-love presented as a Christian virtue, I had strong reservations about the idea. Substantial study over the past twelve years has only deepened that concern. Why? From beginning to end, the focus of Scripture is the exaltation of God and not human beings.

But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God. . . . That, just as it is written, Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 1:27-29, 31)

What I was hearing from the advocates of self-love seemed contrary to this flow of Scripture. It appeared that Psalm 139:14 was being rewritten to read, "I will praise me, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Therefore, my interest in this subject was born out of a need to know whether ideas that seemed so diametrically opposed to a scriptural orientation could be compatible with a Christian worldview.

My study soon revealed that little serious exegetical and theological work had been done on the subject. Although much had been written, almost all of it touched only lightly on the exegetical and theological problems connected with self-love. For example, an attempt at defining the type of love being proposed was almost universally lacking. In addition, Paul’s designation of self-love as a prime characteristic of the evil of the last days (2 Timothy 3:1-5) had been given practically no consideration at all. The lack of work in those and other areas has prompted this volume.

In the process, I have wrestled with many concepts, arguments, and ideas. Ideas are related to the people who formulate and propagate them. It has been my objective to dissect and criticize ideas, not the people related to them. If in the midst of grappling with issues it appears to be otherwise, it should be noted that that was not my intent.

This book would never have been begun apart from the encouragement of my wife, Connie, and it certainly would not have been completed without the long hours she spent at the typewriter. Much of the research was done in conjunction with my dissertation for New York University. I am deeply indebted to Prof. Norma Thompson for her encouragement and valuable advice. A special word of thanks is also due my parents for their help with the expenses involved in this undertaking. I also want to express my appreciation to the board of directors of Citadel Bible College for giving me the freedom and encouragement to work on this project.

Paul Brownback

Section 1

Foundational Concerns

1

More Dangerous Than Ever

Self-Esteem as a Cultural Truth

The emotional, relational and behavioral problems plaguing you probably result from your failure to love yourself. Do you want to be a psychologically healthy person and the spiritually healthy Christian? Then you must learn to love yourself. At least these were the widely held beliefs when this book was first published.

Since then, secular research has exposed the error of this position. For example, at a presentation at Google by noted Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck, the moderator began by asking, I want you to share what we have learned from what is now the widely discredited theory of self-esteem and the self-esteem movement. Dweck responded, It was a complete disaster.... It led to the acceptance of mediocrity, it didn’t challenge people to fulfill their potential, and our research shows that telling people they are smart actually backfires.[1] Later in the book I cite some of the academic research that has discredited the self-esteem movement. These findings demonstrate the validity of the position advanced in this book. In addition, the chapters ahead also explain the nature of those errors.

If the self-esteem movement has been shown to be misguided, why does the concept of self-love still present a danger to American society? Though prominent people in the field of psychology have acknowledged not only the ineffectiveness but the counterproductivity of the promotion of self-love, this concept has nonetheless become deeply embedded as an integral part of American culture. Cultural concepts are not easily dislodged. Examples abound of the erroneous concepts that take root as cultural truth. Such erroneous concepts are dangerous because of their power to shape the worldview of a given society. This book contends that the continuing American cultural commitment to the benefits of self-esteem represent a danger.

The cultural commitment graphically displayed itself in a recent recruitment video produced by the CIA and placed on its YouTube page. John Nolte provides us with the following description:

The recruitment video features a preening, unnamed narcissist who literally struts around preaching about how awesome she is, how proud she is of herself, not because of her accomplishments, but because of something she has no control over — her identity, her race, gender, her sexuality (cisgender), and even — get this — her generalized anxiety disorder.[2]

She eagerly invades her commitment to self-esteem in asserting, I am unapologetically me, and I want you to be unapologetically you. He summarizes her self-esteem by sharing, I’m proud of myself. Full stop. Apparently full stop conveys that after her assertion of her pride in ourselves, there is nothing left to say.[3]

This recruitment video demonstrates that this is the type of person that the CIA prefers in their ranks. They view this expression of self-esteem as a hallmark of a healthy person that would be an asset to the agency. A recruiting tool this flagrant produced by a major governmental agency reflects the ongoing commitment of the American culture to the self-esteem movement.

This cultural commitment to self-esteem within the evangelical community was evidenced at a week-long conference in which I was the main speaker. It was hosted by a very conservative evangelical missions group for its leadership. During the first session, I began making the case that self-esteem was not supported by Scripture. After the service I was met at the back of the auditorium by a woman who was weeping over the position I had taken as a result of her belief that self-love substantially enhanced the life of the believer. In response to her emotional trauma, the director of the conference asked me to change my topic for the week.

Defining Contemporary Self-Love

Understanding the danger that the contemporary concept of self-love presents requires that we identify the nature of the self-love that American culture has embraced. The self-esteem movement has not advocated feeling good about oneself in response to achievements of various types. It does not call us to esteem ourselves when we live morally and responsibly. It does not encourage us to achieve and feel good about our achievements. Whether that type of self-love is appropriate and beneficial comprises a whole other discussion that I touch on briefly later in the book. However, it does not constitute the issue at hand.

The self-esteem movement calls us to love ourselves unconditionally. It requires that we must feel good about ourselves first, regardless of our lifestyle. It then assures us that in consequence of this unconditional self-love, good behaviors will follow. It is vital that we grasp this order. The theory asserts that self-love must precede performance. It contends that demanding people to perform first, and then in consequence feel good about themselves represents a formula for disaster. Demanding that they perform as a requisite to feeling good about themselves only instigates failure and the resulting negative self-image that fuels the problem.

Recognizing this error is perceived as the major contribution of the self-esteem movement to our society. It has identified the fault of the traditional demand for performance as a basis for feeling good about oneself. It has reversed the order, providing unconditional acceptance and the resulting unconditional self-acceptance first, apart from lifestyle, promising that positive behaviors will follow.

A danger inherent in this type of self-love resides in its abdication of responsibility to live morally and productively. My sole responsibility is to love myself unconditionally. As I meet that responsibility, I will spontaneously live a good life. This arrangement leaves moral living as a byproduct rather than an obligation. In addition, it places the responsibility for me to love myself unconditionally on others, contending that it is only as I experience their unconditional acceptance of me that I can love myself unconditionally. Consequently, whatever behavioral failures I display are not my fault but the fault of those who failed to accept me as I am—unconditionally.

It is this perspective on self-love that has become embedded in American culture. It no longer receives the attention it previously enjoyed because the need and right to love oneself unconditionally has become accepted fact. Some years ago, John Leo described our society’s unwavering commitment to self-esteem as follows: The self-esteem movement is one of the marvels of our time. It goes on and on, even though its assumptions are wrong and its basic premises have been discredited by a great deal of research. Like a monster in the last 10 minutes of a horror movie, it has enough fatal wounds to stop a platoon. But it keeps stumbling on, seeming not to notice.[4] The findings of research displaying the erroneous nature of the self-esteem movement have not prevented its embrace by our culture. Perhaps, this trend parallels the legalization of marijuana, which society keeps on adopting as a legitimate habit despite evidence exposing its negative effects.

This status as established truth makes the concept of self-esteem even more dangerous since assuming its benefits prompts us to act on it without giving it further thought. This accepted validity in the face of research to the contrary makes it especially important for us to understand this movement and the dangers it presents.

The evangelical community, likewise, has never acknowledged the error of the evangelical self-esteem movement. Consequently, belief in the benefits of self-esteem continues to exert overt influence on the evangelical mindset. Therefore, it is especially important that evangelicals grasp the essence of the self-esteem movement, its infiltration into evangelical thinking, and its related misconceptions.

As already noted, contemporary self-esteem is rooted in the belief in the necessity and merits of unconditional love and acceptance. Consequently, the self-esteem movement has catapulted these concepts into prominence within our culture. Unconditional love and unconditional acceptance have also become hallmarks of contemporary evangelical Christianity. Therefore, these themes receive extensive discussions in the pages that follow.

Belief in the benefits of self-love has become so deeply ingrained in the psyche of American society that perhaps the most challenging hurdle in dealing with the subject resides in suggesting that self-esteem of the nature described above may not be beneficial but instead may be dangerous. To demonstrate the need for analyzing this concept, the chapter ahead identifies a number of reasons for questioning its validity.

2

Some Initial Concerns

My class looked at me in utter disbelief. I knew it was coming. That statement always brought the same reaction from college students. Do you really mean it? When you were a boy, there was no television?!

I cannot remember when television first became a reality for the general public, but my first recollection dates back to when I was about ten. The local firehouse was the first place in the neighborhood to own a television set, and we used to make weekly visits to actually see the Lone Ranger do