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DECISIONS OF A WALL STREET THUG

BL3$$3D & H8’D!

LYRIC || NINO NASIR HAWKINS

ROTT3N~$~APPLE

COPYRIGHT © 2021 LYRIC || NINO NASIR HAWKINS

ROTT3N~$~APPLE

COPYRIGHT © 2021 BY LYRIC || NINO NASIR HAWKINS

All rights reserved. This book or parts thereof may not be reproduced in any form; scanned, copied, uploaded, or stored in any retrieval system. Distributed or transmitted in any form by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission. Reproduction without the authors written permission is theft of the authors intellectual property. Except for the use of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews and certain other non-commercial uses as permitted by the United States Copyright Law and fair use.

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Book and Cover Designed In Part By: KreativeMindz Press

KDP ISBN | 9798454720643

KDP ISBN | 9798479284311

B&N ISBN | 9781668539835

B&N ISBN | 9781668582831

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Table of Contents

DISCLAIMER

PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD!

INTRODUCTION

SPECIAL THANKS

LETTER TO WIFEY

DEDICATION

COMMENTARY

YEAR 2015

CHAPTER 01 | THE BEGINNING

CHAPTER 02 | GROWING PAINS

CHAPTER 03 | SCHOOL OF HARD KNOCKS

CHAPTER 04 | LOVE & HIP HOP

CHAPTER 05 | PIMPIN AIN’T EASY!

CHAPTER 06 | THE GAME

CHAPTER 07 | THE SAINTS

CHAPTER 08 | THE FALL

CHAPTER 09 | TRUST BUT VERIFY!

CHAPTER 10 | MILITARY LIFE

CHAPTER 11 | MISSING YOU | NO JUSTICE

LETTER TO AUNT JUSTINE

CHAPTER 12 | ROTT3N~$~APPLE | BACK ON MY BULLSHIT

CHAPTER 13 | ON MY OWN

CHAPTER 14 | DECISIONS

CHAPTER 15 | KICKIN ROCKS

CHAPTER 16 | THE GREAT LOSS

CHAPTER 17 | GROWN MAN SHIT | GET MONEY!

CHAPTER 18 | TIME TO GO | THE SEPARATION

CHAPTER 19 | GOTTA GET AWAY | NEED CLARITY

CHAPTER 20 | THE STRIP CLUB | DADDY’S LITTLE GIRLS

CHAPTER 21 | ON THE RUN | NO LUCK!

CHAPTER 22 | MIND PLAYIN TRICKS ON ME

CHAPTER 23 | NEW CHAPTER | THE FBI | THE PHONE IS TAPPED

CHAPTER 24 | NEW PLAN | GOTTA GET HIM BACK

CHAPTER 25 | HEART ON ICE

EXTREME TERRORISM

CHAPTER 26 | LIFE OR DEATH | I CAN’T BREATHE

MASTER JEWEL

LETTER TO MOM

LETTER TO FATHER

TO MY KIDS

TO THE PEOPLE I USE TO CALL FAMILY

SOUTHSIDE JAMAICA QUEENS | SIN CITY

TIME CAPSULE!

CREDITS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

––––––––

NINA HAWKINS

VOLUNTARY PROOF READER

ALEJANDRO LUENGO

FRONT COVER & REAR COVER

BROOKLYN BRIDGE PARK

DUMBO AREA VIEW

PNGTREE | CHENXIN

SWORD IMAGE

––––––––

RESOURCES

NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

RESEARCH

NEW YORK POST

RESEARCH

NEW YORK TIMES

RESEARCH

GOOGLE SEARCH ENGINE

RESEARCH

DISCLAIMER

This is a work of creative nonfiction autobiography. While all the stories in this book are true, the events are portrayed to the best of the authors knowledge and imperfect memory, It reflects the author’s present recollections of experiences over time.

The Author has made every effort to conceal identifying characteristics, names of individual persons in-order to maintain their anonymity, privacy, and for literary effect. In some instances, dates, locales, conversations, occupations, characteristics, communications, details, and places of residence, have been changed, some events have been compressed, and some dialogue has been recreated to protect those who may or may not have participated in the actual events stated within this body of work. Any resemblance to actual real persons, living or dead, organizations, real locales, or real events are intended to give this body of work a sense of reality. Any similarity in names, places, events, and incidents are entirely coincidental.

The Author does not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any psychological damage, physical damage, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or mental disruption, caused by stories, comments, situations, events, errors, or omissions, whether such stories, comments, situations, events, errors, or omissions, result from negligence, accident, or any other cause.

The Author does not make any warranties about the completeness, reliability, and accuracy of this information. Any action you take upon the information you find within this body of work, (Nonfiction Autobiography), is strictly at your own risk.

The Author will not be held liable for any losses and or damages in connection with the viewing, or reading of this body of work.

The reader should not consider this book anything other than a work of literature.

By viewing, or reading, this body of work, you hereby consent to this disclaimer and agree to its terms entirely.

Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to five years in prison and a fine of $250,000.

PUT ON THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD!

THE HOLY BIBLE | EPHESIANS 6:13-17

"Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Amen!"

INTRODUCTION

This is a story about my life, a young Black King growing up in the mean streets of Sin City (40 Projects, South-Side", South Jamaica Queens), New York. 

THIS IS A SOUTHSIDE JAMAICA QUEENS STORY!

INTRODUCTION

SPECIAL THANKS

First And Foremost , All Praises Due To Almighty God, The Supreme Being, Architect of Life, Baring Knowledge, Wisdom, & Understanding!

To My Mother, Who Has Always Guided Me To Do The Right Thing. Rest In Power Queen!

To The Spiritual Direction of Brother Malcolm X, For The Inspiration, Enlightenment, And Intellectual Guidance From Your Teachings That Allowed Me To See The Truth. Peace!

Rest In Power King!

LETTER TO WIFEY

LETTER TO WIFEY

To My Amazing, Loving Wife, Nina:

Before I found you, I was lost with just a personification of you; lost without intent or desire.

Through my dreams, you inspire the manifestation of love which burns in my heart like an eternal fire.

Being the most-highest form of understanding it gave me life; the momentum & motivation to achieve and conquer.

Thank you, thank you for being my wife!

I thank you for being such an inspiration in my life.

Through you, I have truly learned to love.

I Love You Past My Mind, Beyond My Heart; I Love You With My Spiritual Essence, My Soul!

-Papi!

DEDICATION

THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED IN THE LOVING MEMORY OF MY MOTHER

MRS. E.M.H.W

1947-1994

SPECIAL DEDICATION

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY AUNT—A LIFE TAKEN TOO SOON!

J.M.H

1962-1988

READERS NOTE

TO MY READERS:

I do not condone the activities you may read in this book.

The incidents stated within are intended to be used as a learning tool only.

It is written to inspire and to spark the intellect of young minds; so that you as an individual, will to be able to extract value from my experiences that can be used as a prevention or inspiration to do better, to be better, than I was growing-up in the hood.

No One Is Excluded From The Trials, Tribulations, And The, Spiritual Laws Of Life; For We Are Born To Die!

THE ORIGINAL NAMES OF CHARACTORS HAVE BEEN REMOVED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT.

Viewer Discretion Is Advised!

COMMENTARY

LIFE IS LIKE ONE BIG talent show; it’s based on professionalism, intelligence, integrity, creativity, stamina, style, and swagger. Every move you make must be similar to those of a chess game. The decisions you make, and how well you perform on stage will dictate how successful you’ll become in this game of LIFE.

YEAR 2015

YEAR | 2015

As we reached the state of Virginia, we were caught right I the middle of the hurricane. It was crazy, trees were falling all over the place, crazy flooding from the rain, and there are barely any lights on I-95 North.

I was driving 55-mph in a 40-mph min and 70-mph max speed limit. My Beamer was handling the road just fine until, we approached this bridge in King George area of Virginia. There were absolutely no highway lights at all, it was dark as hell even with my H.I.D Head-Lights, Fog-Lights and H.I.D High-Beams on, it was still less than 10% visibility. There were no other vehicles on the road for miles at that time of the night.

Suddenly; I hit a huge body of water and it looked and felt like the car actually went under the water. It began to hydroplane, the car started to fish-tail, I steered into the spin to try to regain control. I tapped my brakes slowly several times, suddenly, it felt like something spiritual took the front of the car and spun it really hard into a complete circle towards the side rails, and as I watched the whole thing take place all I could do is pray, and repeat, oh God No! No! No! My car had hit & flipped over the side-rails; all I kept saying is please don’t let anything happen to Nina, please don’t let us land into the river with the Alligator’s. Please Lord Please, if you gotta take someone, please save Nina, and take me!

The sky was completely black, I couldn’t see anything, I felt the car hit really hard to the front left side, and then really hard to the rear right side, I could tell that the car was still spinning. It then hit extremely, hard about four more times, and then one final extremely hard loud crash. I had no sense of direction at all at that point, I didn’t know if we were on land or in the river; all I knew is that there was dirt and tree branches entering the vehicle as we kept sliding downward. I must have lost consciousness or something, because when I snapped out of it, my head and body was hurting, I heard ringing in my ears, and I couldn’t move my left leg or my right arm and I was crying from all the pain...  I looked over at Nina, and she was not conscious, I kept, calling her name, over and over, again repeatedly, but she didn’t respond. I leaned over against the driver’s side door and I used my right foot to shake her as best as I could, suddenly, she moved and I kept asking her over, and over, are you okay? She responded briefly, stating that her head was pounding; she asked me what had happened, I told her that we were just in an accident and we went over the side rails, then suddenly, she had passed out again...

LET’S GO TO THE BEGINNING WHERE IT ALL STARTED...

CHAPTER 01 | THE BEGINNING

CHAPTER 01 | THE BEGINNING

Born a Black King raised in the trenches, the ghettos of New York, better known as Sin City. So, you may ask yourself, why does he consider himself to be a King? I address myself as such in the image of our God, King of all Kings, whom we are created in his own image and considered to be his children.

My mother Elise (Virgo); God Bless Her Soul, Rest-In-Power! she did the best that she could possibly do as a strong black woman, single parent, mother of six hard-headed boys.

Being raised by a single parent was a blessing and a curse.

My Mother taught me compassion, empathy, patience, tolerance, respect, and how to always speak my mind no matter what the cost, and to love unconditionally. That is my blessing!

She was the sweetest woman in the world; she would give you her last of anything, even if it meant she had to do without. She raised and taught me how to be a good man.

But what she couldn’t teach me is how to be a man; that was my father’s job and a task I had to learn on my own.

I was born @ 3:30 PM in St. Mary’s Hospital located in the Bedford Stuyvesant area of Brooklyn New York (Bed-Stuy, Do or Die!), on December 14th of 1966 (Sagittarius).

My mother lived with her parents, Jacob (Aquarius), and Ella (Virgo). At the time my grandparents had seven girls and seven boys, out of those seven boys only two survived; people were known to have lots of children back in those days.

They lived in Brooklyn for many years on Greene Avenue between Sumner Ave (Marcus Garvey Blvd.) and Lewis Avenue.

That’s where my mother had the mistaken pleasure of meeting my dead-beat father, Alonzo Reid (Cancer); I guess that is his correct name.

I remember overhearing my mother cuss him out in a few heated discussions as a child. Until this very day, most of the bad things I’ve had the pleasure of hearing regarding my father; continues to be a one-sided story. The last time that I saw or heard from him, was when I was about eight years old.

My mom was a federal employee, she worked at the post office in the Brooklyn area of New York. She was also a United States Navy Cadet Lieutenant who later became a Certified Registered Nurse.

While she was working as a postal worker, she was robbed on her way home from work one day and they stole her purse, jewelry, and money. Just the day before, she had just picked up my baby pictures she had taken at a photography studio. She had brought them to work to show her co-workers; unfortunately, they were also stolen along with her leather bag when she got robbed.

She never got the chance to retake them and as of today, I have no photographic pictures of myself as a baby, toddler, or pre-k student.

Most of my childhood memories are blurred (lost), due to being burned in a house fire at the age of four. It happened two years after we moved out to Queens in 1970. In 1968, my grandparents purchased a house on 142nd Street and Rockaway Boulevard, (South Side).

Like I said, I was raised in the ghetto, but what I can’t figure out is; why is the south side of every city in every state in the United States considered to be the ghetto?

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, the fire! It was a pretty house indeed... It had three levels:  the basement, the 1st floor, and the second floor. We had a huge front and backyard to play in. At the time my mother only had two children, my brother Rico, and I; she was also pregnant with my brother Chino Jr. (Cancer).

One day, my stepfather Chino Sr (Aries); who is also Chino’s biological father; was outside in the backyard of the house. We were having a family Bar ‘B’ Que that day and Chino noticed that there was a colony of ants crawling up the side of the house. He grabbed a box of matches and a can of cigarette lighter fluid and he began burning the ants. I guess he didn’t realize that my baby brother Rico (Cancer) was actually watching him do this. We all enjoyed the food and entertainment that day. Everyone pitched in and helped clean the Bar ‘B’ Que Area, we were exhausted.

Later that evening while everyone was asleep; my brother Rico somehow found the can of cigarette lighter fluid; which Chino had stored on the top of the refrigerator in the kitchen. He must have seen a few ants crawling around inside of the house and tried to mimic my stepfather by burning them with the lighter fluid. How Rico got to the top of the refrigerator remains a mystery. Rico put the tip of the lighter-fluid can inside one of the electrical wall outlets and then squeezed out all the fluid. This you can imagine caused an electrical fire within the walls of the house. A few hours later the whole house went up in blazing flames. There was thick black smoke everywhere. Pieces of the ceiling came crashing down into the house and you can faintly hear everyone in the house screaming. I was still fast asleep in my bed; everyone else was trying to get out of the burning house.

The local fire department was only two blocks away and they were out on another call that turned out to be a false alarm at the time. My mother couldn’t get to my brother and I due to the location of the fire and had already jumped out of the upstairs window. Shortly after that, the fire department had finally arrived. My mother told the firemen that her two children were still in the house and that she could not get to us due to all the fire and smoke.

The rescue squad immediately rushed into the house and began searching for me and my brother. I was found lying in my bed where I was still asleep. By that time; the mattress I was sleeping on had caught fire. one of the firemen sprayed and soaked the mattress with water from his fire-hose and carried me out of the house while the others were still searching for my brother. They finally found Rico hiding under the bed in my mother’s bedroom.

I was unconscious by the time they pulled me out of the fire; the rescue team put my body on the gurney by the fire trucks which was low to the ground and began trying to revive me. They worked on me for a half-hour cause my heart had stopped beating. Several minutes later the EMS Paramedics pronounced me dead! Everyone was hysterical; the fire fighter who was trying to revive me (Fire Fighter C. Wade), became very emotional, tears filled his eyes as he continuously performed CPR. He kept working on me though, everyone was in complete awe. Suddenly my mother and my aunt Isabel (Capricorn) noticed that my feet had moved, while the firemen were still pumping oxygen into my lungs. They started screaming His feet are moving over and over again. The EMS Team rushed Rico and I to Queens General Hospital located in Flushing, right off the Grand Central Parkway. A few hours later, due to the seriousness of our conditions, we were transported over to Triboro Hospital where they have a specialized burn center.

Rico and I both suffered second & third-degree burns. Rico was burned on his chest, under arm-pits, and forearms. He had to have multiple skin graph procedures. The doctors took skin from his buttocks to cover several areas on his body due to the burns he suffered. Back then, I use to tease him a lot about that; whenever he got me upset, I would call him booty man. Aside from all the burns he had suffered from, he was pretty much ok.

As for myself, I had 3rd degree burns on my legs and I suffered from very bad smoke inhalation from the fire and smoke. My heart had stopped beating for several minutes. Due to the lack of oxygen to my brain, it resulted in me having mild brain damage. I had lost the mobility of my neck, arms, and legs. We were hospitalized for at least six to eight months before they released us. The hospital released my brother first; I came home a few weeks later.

The doctors told my mother that I lost complete mobility of my limbs and that I would never be able to walk again. Due to having mild brain damage, my vision and speech was affected, the muscles in my eyes were damaged and at times they would cross. My speech was slurred and I couldn’t pronounce words correctly. I had to learn how to talk, hold my neck up, and learn to use my arms and legs all over again, (At 4 years old).

A few weeks later after being released from the hospital; My mother took me to visit the New York City Fire Department - Engine 302 - Ladder 155 located in (Queens),143-15 Rockaway Blvd. Jamaica, NY 11436.

At that time, we had learned that Fire Fighter C. Wade, the same fireman that had saved my life, lost his own life, in another four-alarm fire.

I send my eternal gratitude and condolences out to his family!

My grandparents needed that big house; they had a lot of children together. My grandma had seven girls and seven boys. Most of the boys did not survive... The two that did survive birth are my uncle Damien (Aquarius) and my uncle Richie (Taurus) R.I.P... Richie was killed after graduating from boot camp in the United States Marine Corps. at the age of nineteen by his so-called friends.

My uncle Damien is a schizophrenic; I was told that he became that way after witnessing his older brother being murdered. I think that’s the reason why he started getting high at such a young age, he also sniffed glue as a kid; I guess he needed to get high just to get rid of some of

the bad dreams and bad memories. It seems that everything else in his life went downhill from that point on.

Sometimes it got pretty scary though, like the time when he tried to kill my mother and my aunt Brenda (Gemini). He came over to our apartment one evening while we were living in 40 Projects. He chased my mother and my aunt Brenda with a long butcher’s knife; he actually threw the knife at my aunt as she was running trying to get away from him, lucky for her she was wearing her thick brown leather jacket that day. The knife got stuck in the leather of the back part of the jacket without penetrating her skin.

He also tried to rape my other aunt Zendaiya a.k.a. Zaiya (Cancer); his own sister.  At the time, Zaiya was dating this guy named Romero who later became my cousin Sonia’s biological father. Zaiya had told Romero what had happened; so, Romero and his friend Cass took my uncle Damien into the garage and they beat him up with a baseball bat, really bad. This is the short version of the crazy shit Damien use to do. He was also arrested on several other occasions as a juvenile delinquent which continued into his adult years.

No matter what my uncle Damien has done in his life; I will always have love for him. I guess the reason that I have this close bond with him is that, he is the one that spent a lot of time with me trying to teach me how to walk and hold my head up after I was released from the hospital. It was kind of comical sometimes... I can look back now and actually laugh at the time shortly after being burnt out. Social Services had relocated my family into a local Hotel; The Q Motor Inn; it was a nice little hotel out in Kew Gardens right off the Grand Central Parkway a few blocks away from the Hospital my brother Rico and I were in.

We stayed at the Q until we were able to find another home. I remember this one night; I was sleeping in the bed next to my mother who was also asleep. I had somehow fallen off the bed and onto the floor. I started crying and calling for my mother... When she had finally awakened, she ran out of the room like a mad woman looking for me. She ran up & down the hotel corridor, she searched everywhere that she could think of hysterically. I was still lying on the floor frustrated and crying because I could not get up on my own. After a few minutes of running from room to room searching for me; she realized that I was under the bottom side of the bed we were both sleeping on.

It was then that my uncle Damien decided that he was going to teach me how to walk again. He made me his own little project... He worked with me every day, and every day, I got just a little closer to doing it on my own, slowly but surely. It took a few months before I actually got up and walked without anyone holding on to me. It happened one day while all the adults in the family were in the adjacent room we stayed in within the Hotel. I was sitting on the floor surrounded by four huge pillows like a fortress watching cartoons. I had decided that I didn’t want to watch that particular channel any longer. So, I called out for someone to come and change the TV channel for me... I guess they didn’t hear me calling because it was surely taking them a long time to respond. So, I decided that I was going to get up and try to do it all on my own. I pulled myself up onto one of the big pillows, and I grabbed the edge of the bed... Then, I took tiny steps across the room where the TV was sitting on top of the TV stand.

My mother caught a glimpse of this through the corner of the door and got nervously shocked, she screamed so loud that she startled me and I fell to the floor. Everyone was so happy for me; the doctors had said that I would never walk again, God had other plans.

There were a lot of good times, and a lot of bad times back in those days. There was a time when my mom and her best friend Madalina Terreto would go out to some of the neighborhood parties, just so my mom could bring home food so that my brother and I could have something to eat. I guess that is what being a great parent is all about; doing what is necessary in troubled times. Madalina (Pisces) had two kids of her own at the time, her oldest daughter Gloria (Gemini), and her son Theo (Leo) Teretto. Gloria was a year younger than I was, when my mom and her mom were hanging out, we would have sex all the time. She was my first and I was hers. I’ve been having sex since I was 8 years old.

When I was about the age of 10, my mother and her friend Madalina were out somewhere and they asked my aunt Justine (Aries) to mind us. Justine was just four years older than I was, she came over and she brought her friend Faye with her. Justine needed to go somewhere and she asked Faye to keep an eye on us until she got back. After my aunt left, Faye came into our bedroom and my brother Rico and I hid under the blankets on our bed. Faye kept calling us but we didn’t answer, suddenly she pulled back the blankets and we all started laughing. Faye took off her shoes and she got into the bed between my brother and I. she started kissing me and she put my hand on her tits and she grabbed my dick. My brother saw what she was doing and he put his head on her chest and started sucking her other Titt. We both took turns finger-poppin her and she let both of us fuck her.

When my aunt came back, she asked Faye if we gave her any trouble, Faye said I’ll Baby sit them anytime, they were no problem at all!

My Mom and Madalina stayed partying, even when my mother wasn’t partying with Madalina, she had to have her Virginia Slims cigarettes and a six-pack of Golden Champaign. I remember her being a little tipsy while hanging out in her bedroom with her friend Idris. They had got into an intense argument and Idris had punched my mother in her face. My Mom threw a glass of Mayonnaise jar at him and hit him in the head, Idris said, Next time throw the mustard, you know I hate Mayo!

I had just come into the apartment and my aunt Zaiya yelled over to me, Nasir, Idris just punch Elise in the face!"  I kicked open my mother’s bedroom door and punch Idris in the face and he grabbed me and threw me across the room. My aunt Zaiya jumped into the fight and I took my leather belt off and strapped it around Idris’s neck while my mother and Zaiya were punching him in the face. Idris stopped breathing after a few minutes so we dragged his body out into the hallway and threw him down the steps. We waited to see if he was going to wake up, but he didn’t. I went back into the house and got the mop bucket and filled it with hot water. I threw the water on him and the metal bucket followed hitting him in the head, he then snapped out of it. Idris never came back after that day...

My mother and I ran into him one day on our way to catch the (F) Train at the Parsons Boulevard station... He didn’t even bother to look our way.

CHAPTER 02 | GROWING PAINS

CHAPTER 02 | GROWING PAINS

After living in the Hotel for an extended period of time, we had finally found an apartment in South Jamaica Houses, 40 Projects, and the heart of SouthSide Queens. This is where I spent most of my growing years. We first lived on 159th Street and 108th Avenue. We had lived in two apartments in the 108-09 building. The first apartment we had was on the sixth floor