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    My Life Without Drink
    My Life Without Drink
    My Life Without Drink
    Ebook104 pages58 minutes

    My Life Without Drink

    By Sarah Smith

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    About this ebook

    In My Life Without Drink the author takes the reader through a life where insecurity in childhood is carried forward to the adult years when alcohol is taken up as a means of coping. Through marriage, childbirth, estrangement and brushes with the law, the author slides in and out of dependency but always succumbs to the craving described as trying “to get that ‘high’ feeling again and again but it is well-nigh impossible.” How she turns things around must be an inspiration to those who can see no way out of a terrible ‘disease’ that can afflict anyone at any time. A short book on a long and painful story with an ending full of hope: “I walked out free and have been sober for seventeen years.” The author has also written a delightful children’s story called ‘Bertie the Croc’, which you will find towards the end of this book.
    LanguageEnglish
    PublisherAustin Macauley Publishers
    Release dateApr 29, 2022
    ISBN9781528951982
    My Life Without Drink
    Author

    Sarah Smith

    Sarah Smith is a copywriter-turned-author who wants to make the world a lovelier place, one kissing story at a time. Her love of romance began when she was eight and she discovered her auntie's stash of romance novels. She lives in Bend, Oregon.

    Read more from Sarah Smith

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      Book preview

      My Life Without Drink - Sarah Smith

      About the Author

      Sarah Smith has been writing and illustrating children’s books with some success. This has helped her overcome her alcohol addiction. Sarah wanted to tell her story to help others to show there is always a way out, with love and support and hard work. Sarah also strives to help families of alcoholics, to understand what addiction means, and to fight for their loved ones’ lives when they cannot.

      Sarah was born in Durham and lived in Hertfordshire, Nottingham and Sheffield, before returning to her roots, where she has lived for twenty years. Sarah studied art and graphic design, leading to writing and illustrating children’s books.

      Dedication

      As always, my mam and dad. My twin sister, Helen, and brother-in-law, Dave. To my children, Rebecca, Sarah and Jonathan.

      Copyright Information ©

      Sarah Smith 2022

      The right of Sarah Smith to be identified as author of this work has been asserted by the author in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publishers.

      Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.

      All of the events in this memoir are true to the best of the author’s memory. The views expressed in this memoir are solely those of the author.

      A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

      ISBN 9781786930392 (Paperback)

      ISBN 9781786930408 (Hardback)

      ISBN 9781528951982 (ePub e-book)

      www.austinmacauley.com

      First Published 2022

      Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd®

      1 Canada Square

      Canary Wharf

      London

      E14 5AA

      Introduction

      As I look at this blank white paper, I wonder what can I write. Firstly I had to get rid of the worst hangover I had ever had. This did not take hours or days. It took weeks. I always say I only had one hangover, it just lasted years. I felt so ill it’s impossible to describe. I was so desperate for a drink and oblivion. The pain was insufferable.

      What made me stop drinking? I don’t know. I knew I didn’t want to live and feel like this anymore. It wasn’t a life; it was an existence, if it was that.

      My body was bloated and in pain, not just physically but mentally as well. Like a lot of alcoholics I found relief in sleep, but slept little. Although alcohol sent me to sleep, it wasn’t for long, but at least I had a few hours relief from the hangover. Self-hate is the best way I can tell you how I felt each waking moment.

      The cravings were so strong, I could barely live with myself. It tormented me, like a carrot in front of a donkey. Always there but just out of reach.

      How had I arrived here? It wasn’t me, not underneath the illness. I felt that the girl I once was had been lost a long time ago. Was the old me lurking beneath the hell that was my life?

      I had relied on my family and friends. Some had stayed with me, but they were only a few. I couldn’t function on a human level any more.

      I had to say goodbye to my best friend and live without her. Our lives had been so entwined, I had little hope.

      Hope is easy to lose; I only felt despair and longing. But I wanted to be the master not the slave. This would be the fight of my life if I wanted to live, but at times I did not. It would be easier to fall back to my old ways, better the devil you know.

      Drink is a depressant and I had stumbled into a void. The shakes were debilitating and there was only one cure for that: another drink. When the effects of alcohol wore off, as they did over time, I began to realise I didn’t want to drown in alcohol any more.

      I was one of the lucky ones: my family fought for me when I had given up. Most of the time I wanted to return to my small insignificant world with my best friend. But I did not.

      I wanted, no needed, to grieve for the person I had become, and leave my best friend for good.

      I had been like an express train out of control, I had to get that control back.

      I had been living in my head for so long. I had to join the real world and put the past in its rightful place. I had to forgive myself as others had forgiven me. This was a hard one as I had to forgive my drunken behaviour as well as my self-loathing. In time I realised alcohol was an illness, and in time I said goodbye to that disease and moved forward.

      ***

      Drink was

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