Men, Wake Up!: What You Don’t Know Could Be Killing Your Relationships

MEN,

WAKE UP!

WHAT YOU DON’T KNOW COULD BE

KILLING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

ANTHONY D. MCKINLEY

Copyright © 2023 Anthony D. McKinley.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means,

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except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book

and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

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Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8162-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8161-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-8160-8 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2022919303

WestBow Press rev. date: 02/22/2023

The greatest gift of life is being able to love yourself

and your family, and to raise your children.

Being a father is one of the most important roles that any man

can ever fill, and the payoff is worth the time you invest.

CONTENTS

Special Thanks And Acknowledgements

1     What Is A Man?

2     The Role Of A Man

3     The Transition Of A Man

4     Fatherhood

5     The Evil And Good That Men Do Is Critical

6     Your Life Has A Cost! Fight!

7     Men Of Integrity

8     The Women

9     Men—Problem Solvers And Handlers

10   Men, Forgive

11   A Financial Man

Letters / Notes

The Most Dangerous Man

Bibliography

About The Author

SPECIAL THANKS AND

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Thanks to God, the Creator of my life for creating the life of my Mother whose love and determination taught me never to give up; my children who are the fuel of my determination to live and who hold a special place in my heart and soul; my family and friends who encourage me along this journey; and to my passed beloved Grandfather Lawrence McKinley, Jr. who help me save my life and whose spirit of order, understanding, wisdom and charity now is within me to pass on to my children and others.

On this journey I endured a traumatic brain injury, ruptured knee injury (I only can bend 70 in range) and a loss of vision with double vision sight. The doctors said I would not recover, and I informed them that I know a God that set high and looks low and will restore me. Although, I still suffer from stress, discouragement, depression and internal pain; and I also have challenges with relationships, but I work on being positive and thoughtful.

I want to acknowledge two people that have really been there for me since the injury: my sister Kristal Grove who always keep it real and keeps me grounded, and one of my best friend Charles Traylor. When I was challenge with relationship and wanting to give up on self, he would remind me of who I am and would say, if anyone can, you can, and I believe in you. We all need people to redirect us and encourage us in times of storms and these two never gave up and reminded me I can do it.

Thanks for believing in me.

I thank God that I can type with my eyes closed and read from my thoughts or I would have never completed this book.

CHAPTER ONE

WHAT IS A MAN?

W hat is a man? The act of a male in man’s role.

Men struggle with their identities when there is no father to teach them about manhood or demonstrate manhood. The father has to love his family and children enough to teach them, guide them, and give them the mental knowledge and physical resources they need. This is so they can work toward having a life to live and having dominion over themselves, their property, and their finances.

Genesis 1:26–27 (KJV) states, God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.’ It is important to know your history, purpose, and role in life. Women, children, and society need you to do well as a man, son, brother, husband, and father. When a male and a female create unity and the two come together and create a child, it is then called a family. And when a child is born, it does not matter whether you are married or not.

The infrastructure then needs to be established because the child is now manifested. Regardless of relationship status (married or not), the titles shift from male and female to mother and father. After the child is manifested, the responsibility is upon both man and woman, who are now called parents.

The parents are the caretakers of the child, as it pertains to providing the basic needs for the child, until they can provide for themselves as adults. Both parents’ goals are to love, teach, guide, protect, discipline, reinforce living principles, and produce a law-abiding citizen. It is believed that if the parents are married, this is a goal made by both of them for their children. Unfortunately, in America we live in a society that is moving from togetherness to separatism within the family structure, and America is rapidly influencing the world in this regard.

According to Single Mother Statistic and 2021 U.S. Census Bureau, out of about 11 million single parent families with children under the age of 18, nearly 80 percent were headed by single mothers. This means that the father is not present daily in the house to honor the parental goal.

On April 27, 2018, Pew Research Center published an article titled Fact Tank: News in the Numbers by Gretchen Livingston. It reported that one-third of US children are living with an unmarried parent. This has doubled since 1968, from 13 percent to 32 percent in 2017. And 3 percent are not living with either parent. All told, twenty-four million US children younger than eighteen are living with an unmarried parent, and most (fifteen million) are living with a single mother. This is in comparison to the five million children who live with cohabiting parents and the three million that live with single fathers.

Based on the above data, this means that men are not present in the homes of single mothers, which also means that single mothers and their children are now vulnerable prey. The safety of these mothers and children is now in question because there is no protector in the house to secure the family. The message, men, is wake up!

I will elaborate. For example, men, let’s say you have a daughter and you and the mother are not together in the home or in a relationship. You pick up your daughter every other weekend for the first six years of her life. Then you get a new job, and the lady that you are serious with loves to travel. So you take her on trips for romantic encounters. But your relationship with your daughter moves from biweekly visits to visits once a month or whenever you can manage them because of new demands in your life. This type of change occurs for about five years, and everything appears to be fine. There are no complaints from the child’s mother.

Eventually, picking up your daughter moves to holidays and when you have time. But your daughter begins to find other things to do, and she finds herself in love with an older high school boy. Your daughter begins having morning sickness, only to find out that she is pregnant. She tells you, and you are infuriated. Then she says, Daddy, why are you so mad? Just be happy for me. Fathers, remember when all of us were young boys and girls. We were ready and in a hurry to become adults so that we could move out on our own, to live and be free from our parents’ home!

The one thing we did not know was that home was actually a safe haven from the world of predators, liars, rapists, and pedophiles who lurk and prey on the innocent, naive, vulnerable, and lonely. So remember this when you have children. They will have the same curiosity about moving out.

Men, I beg of you, please wake up! Just because your children don’t live in your house and under your roof does not mean that your presence and responsibilities are not needed. Your children came from your bloodline, and you are blessed to have been given the opportunity to be a father to your children.

Your children are a blessing from God or from yourself, whichever you believe. By having children, you and the mother are given this assignment, as both of you are the parents, to raise, train, and educate your children, protect them from others, and ensure that they can become productive citizens. This is a great responsibility, and you will be charged with it forever.

Therefore, your parental role should be served with pride, dignity, and love. This is the opportunity of a lifetime, and nothing in the world is greater.

So, fathers, wake up and be fathers to your children and men to your families. This is what you were born to do, and this is one of the innate abilities and desires within your DNA. It is designed for you to push toward being honored and respected by your family, and especially your children. When you do the right things and become an old man, your family will take care of you.

As a man and father, it is my belief that these character traits need to be explored and elaborated on. I know that we are logical and that the more information we have, the better we can examine it and make better decisions as to why we need to change.

There are five roles that are key to being a father. I have identified and defined them so that we can add to our knowledge and better understand ourselves. Peace be unto you.

Five Roles of a Father

1.God-Fearing / Spiritual Leader: This is a man of morals, truth, and honesty. He is truthful to his commitments and attentive to himself and his family’s needs.

2.Provider: This man has dominion and can subdue, replenish, be fruitful, and multiply all aspects of the family’s needs, including mental, physical, spiritual, and financial needs.

3. Teacher: This man is able to demonstrate, teach, love, and show self-control and recognition.

4.Protector: This is a man of courage and displays strength, compassion, and tenderness. He has a mindset of a warrior that builds and protects in the best interest of his family while preparing for the future.

5.Disciplinarian: This is a man that directs, trains, and prepares the family. He is one who is gentle and firm and loves unconditionally, through the ups and downs.

God-Fearing / Spiritual Leader

A God-fearing leader or spiritual leader is a man of morals, truth, and honesty regarding his commitments. And he is attentive to himself and his family’s needs. He has a core belief that helps him to remain focused, and he possesses a set of principles that ensure his behavior is safe.

It is said that having morals and ethics is what keeps a man centered and focused. But others believe that there is a God or greater/superior universal being. They believe in a creator that is greater than humans and animals, who created all things that exist. Yet there are religious and spiritual reading materials and practices that are considered good if they encourage positive behavior, peace, and humor within self, family, and other human beings.

But why is this important? Having mental and physical stability, as well as self-control, is essential for all humans—and specifically for men, because of man’s untamed and immoral behavior. And when a man is not focused on his family or protecting them at all costs, idle things come into play.

Having faith is one thing, but having it for the right reasons sustains the mind. And it’s very important that men learn to forgive. Forgiving is very important to men of morals and understanding. To lead a family requires being focused on family values and having a plan for life. This will help reduce high-risk behavior.

Provider

The provider has dominion and can subdue, replenish, be fruitful, and multiply all aspects of the family’s needs. This includes mental, physical, spiritual, and financial needs. As providers, men should have an ultimate goal. To say you are a provider is another way of saying you are self-sufficient and capable of taking care of your lifestyle.

Let me be specific. A man should be preparing to be a man and a father in a family and to take care of his family as a provider. A man’s goal should not be about being single and living his best life as if he doesn’t have a family. That is why it is important that a man plans and prepares for his future, for the things to come. Planning means writing down your ideal lifestyle that you want for yourself and for your family.

Preparing for your life means putting in tasks in place and setting completion dates for implementation.

A provider should do the following to achieve life’s successes on all four levels (L1-L5):

L1: Attend and high school, complete college or trade school or open a business, and save for retirement.

L2: Attend and graduate from a graduate school master’s degree program, trade or certification program, or career advancement position, or open a second business if it is profitable, and save for retirement.

L3: Open another business if it is profitable and move toward a franchise. Earn a PhD degree, advance to a managerial or executive position (such as a vice president, or chief executive officer), and save for retirement.

L4: Seek ownership and training to do what you are doing and franchise it or get a pension for retirement and live off of your savings.

L5: Start a new career and invest your money into your end-of-life career and teach your family members.

Life is filled with many education and ownership opportunities to advance your lifestyle and growth. It is important to understand that your life as a man and a provider is very important to the existence of humanity. And if you are not contributing to yourself, your family, and your community, then your life is a lie and you are living in vain; you are also selfish and lack understanding about life and how we evolve to greater heights as human beings. Why? Being a provider means being able to give to self, family, children, and others who are in need of assistance.

Your family is to be covered; that is the first rule of life, because that is providing and protecting what is yours. Life begins after understanding and establishing this understanding within yourself as a man.

What does a provider provide for his family (wife, children, and other relatives)? A provider provides stability in the areas of being a voice of reason, love and kindness in situations that may arise (good and bad), financial contributions that support the family’s needs, safety, a home, food for nourishment, and sexual intimacy to his wife. He also prepares the family for future investments and endeavors to