FACES OF RADIO

"Pilot"
written by
Adam Boyer

Error404productions@gmail.com
2505 NW 85th Street
Seattle, WA 98117

DRAFT TWO
02/11/2015

COLD OPEN
INT. LIVING ROOM/KITCHEN - DAY
DANIEL WINTERS(40s, suit unbuttoned), sits in his E-Z CHAIR
with a beer in his hand, looking at someone off screen.
DANIEL
So its like radio... but on the
internet?
Across him is ALEX(26), bubbling with frazzled excitement.
ALEX
Yes! Exactly.
DANIEL
So its like Satellite Radio?
ALEX
No. Not at all.
DANIEL
People listen to this?
ALEX
Most shows have pretty small fan
bases, but if a show is a hit it can
be listened to by hundreds of
thousands or even millions of people!
DANIEL
And people make money doing this?
ALEX
Not even a little.
DANIEL
But theyre free to make then?
ALEX
Well, not entirely. Theres startup
costs, equipment, server rentalsDANIEL
So youd be actively losing money?

Yes!

ALEX
(excited)

DANIEL
Why do you want to do this again?

2.
ALEX
To express myself, to create, to do
something with my life. People have
done some amazing stuff with podcasts,
Dad. These shows have changed peoples
lives. One show even helped get an
innocent guy get out of prison!
DANIEL
Lawyers also do that. They get paid
for it.
ALEX
Its not about the money.
DANIEL
Ah, so thats why youre back home on
a Friday night instead of out with
friends. Because its not about money.
ALEX
Its Seattle, no one is ever out with
friends. Everyone just says we should
hang out sometime then spends their
nights alone. Also, its not like I
only come home to ask for money.
DANIEL
So you dont need money?
ALEX
Well... Not a lot.
Daniel walks to the fridge. Alex hovers around him.
ALEX (CONTD)
I already have most of the equipment.
Cody was able to use his employee
discount to get the mics for a really
good price, and I already bought the
servers for the first six months...
All I would need is a little extra to
buy the mixer. Its a one time thing,
I promise.
Daniel grabs another beer and leans on the kitchen counter.
He takes a sip. Thinks.
DANIEL
You remember when you were ten years
old and the only thing you wanted in
the world was a pair of figure skates?
You know how many times we actually
went to a rink? Twice.
(MORE)

3.
DANIEL (CONT'D)
You got bored of skating, then before
you knew it you had outgrown them. You
now where those skates are now? The
crawl-space.
ALEX
I was never cut out for skating. Had
ankles like warm Charleston Chews...
DANIEL
And you remember when you were twelve
and you just had to have that sewing
machine? Said you were going to make a
whole new wardrobe. Instead, you made
half a tablecloth, got bored, and
wouldnt you know where that sewing
machine is now? The crawl-space.
ALEX
It looked so much easier when Michelle
Pfieffer did it.
DANIEL
And then there was the bird. Grey
Macaw. Had to be that breed, you said.
It was all you could talk about for a
year. Your mom and I had to drive to a
whole other state to get it. Even
though I thought the thing was loud as
hell and smelt awful, we wanted to
make you happy. Know where that bird
is now?
ALEX
The crawl-space?
DANIEL
No. Its dead. Because you got bored
after a few months and forgot to feed
it. Do you see the pattern here?
ALEX
(remembering)
Poor Icarus...
Alex looks at the ground, crossing her heart out of respect.
DANIEL
My point is, Alex, you have a tendency
to get really focussed on one thing,
spend a lot of time and a lot of money
on it but then quickly get tired or
frustrated and move on to something
else.

4.
Daniel walks back towards the living room. Alex blocks him.
ALEX
But that was when I was a kid. Things
have changed, Ive matured. I mean, I
graduated college didnt I? It took
six and a half years, but I did it!
DANIEL
And you majored in what, again?
ALEX
(embarassed)
I doubled in Business and Theatre with
minors in Psychology, Sociology,
Education, and Art History.
(proud)
The dean said they had to use a brand
new font just to get everything to fit
on the diploma.
Daniel pushes forward, intent on getting back to his chair.
ALEX (CONTD)
I know Ive given up on a lot of stuff
in the past, but I think this is
something that I can really be good
at, something that will stick. Thomas
Edison made 68 different versions of
the light bulb before finding one that
worked. This could be my light bulb.
DANIEL
Alex, its a cute metaphor, but youre
not inventing something thats going
to change the world, youre putting on
a radio show with your friends.
ALEX
Its an analogy, Dad. Id know, I was
this close from a minor in English.
Alex smiles at him. Its that stupid daughter smile he cant
say no to. Daniel lets out a big SIGH.
DANIEL
How much is it? This mixer?
Daniel grabs his CHECKBOOK from a drawer and starts writing.
Six fifty?

ALEX

Daniel looks up at her in disbelief.

5.
ALEX (CONTD)
I can shop around.
DANIEL
Youre gonna have to.
Daniel finishes signing the check. Alex gives him a big hug
from behind. He shoves her off and hands her the check.
ALEX
Thank you so much, Dad! I love you.
DANIEL
Yeah, yeah, I love you too. Just make
sure you put my name in the credits.
I promise.

ALEX

Alex kisses him on the cheek and heads down the hall.
DANIEL
Oh hey, I forgot to ask, whats your
show going to be about?
ALEX
(shouting back)
No idea!
END OF COLD OPEN

6.
ACT ONE
EXT. MAURICES APT - DAY
Alex parks in front of a shabby duplex. She gets out and
walks to the door with CODY(17, dweeby) who struggles to
carry a stack of AUDIO SUPPLIES, still in their boxes.
CODY
Why do we have to come all the way
here? Cant you do this at your place?
ALEX
I need to treat this podcast like a
job, meaning it needs its own space,
its own studio. If I set everything
up at my apartment, sooner or later
the recording equipment will meet the
same fate as the Nordic-track your mom
got last Christmas thats been under
her bed since Valentines Day.
Alex KNOCKS on the door.
CODY
What about your old room? Not that I
want you around or anything, its just
no ones using it.
ALEX
I would, but my room is right next to
our parents room and those walls are
thin enough to even the naked ear. I
really dont want to find out the hard
way what sort of things these mics can
pick up...
Gross.

CODY

Alex knocks again.

INT. MAURICES APT - DAY
Alexs knock wakes up MAURICE SUMMERS(25, bearded, a mess).
He look around at the piles of trash and beer cans. Maurice
walks to the door and looks in the peephole.
MAURICE
Shit. One second!
Maurice quickly sweeps the trash into a corner. He goes to
open the door then stops. In a wide shot we reveal hes still
not wearing pants.

7.
EXT. MAURICES APT - DAY
Alex and Cody wait outside.
CODY
Who is this guy?
ALEX
Maurice. One of my old roommates from
college. Hes cool, youll like him.
CODY
(beat)
I dont like anybody...
Alex eyes Cody. Hes serious. Alex takes a small step away.
The door opens. Maurice (wearing pants) squints in the sun.
MAURICE
The podcast thing. Right.
ALEX
You forgot, didnt you.
MAURICE
Not at all, no... I just... forgot.
CODY
Are you hungover?
ALEX
This is my step-brother Cody. Hes
here to help set up.
MAURICE
No, Cody, Im not hungover.
CODY
Are you sure? You look like my mom
does the morning after she has too
much Shiraz.
MAURICE
I dont get hangovers actually. Never
have. I just feel a bit dehydrated...
And nauseous... And more sensitive to
light and sound...
ALEX
We can still use your garage, right?
Over here.

MAURICE

8.
INT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
Maurice opens the door letting light fill the empty garage.
Alex and Cody walk inside, inspecting it.
MAURICE
How long do you need it for?
ALEX
Just for a couples hours today-- and
every Sunday for the next six months.
At least.
MAURICE
Youre really serious about this,
arent you?
ALEX
As serious as a Chris Nolan Batman
movie.
MAURICE
I guess Ill have to move my gaming
station.
ALEX
You mean the beer-pong table?
MAURICE
It works for flip cup too... Coffee?
EXT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
Alex waits outside in the shade, jotting in a small notepad.
Maurice enters with two cups of COFFEE.
MAURICE
So this podcast. Whats it about?
Im
Im
see
All

ALEX
still working on that. Right now
trying to come up with a name and
if I can work backwards from that.
Ive got so far is Dread Air.

MAURICE
Would that be like ghost stories?
ALEX
Or a show about Jamaican hairstlying.
Im not 100 percent on that one.
MAURICE
Who are the hosts?

9.
ALEX
Well, me. You... if you want.
MAURICE
Is that a question?
ALEX
Is that a yes?
MAURICE
Im sorry, but Im just really not a
performer type-Maurice pulls out a TOBACCO PIPE and starts loading it.
MAURICE (CONTD)
--I just dont think Id be good at
it, you know? And I always felt thatALEX
What the hell is that?
My pipe.

MAURICE

ALEX
You smoke a pipe now?
Yeah.

MAURICE

ALEX
Are you becoming a long-shore
fisherman? Or a snowman?
MAURICE
I wanted to quit cigarettes, okay? Why
is that weird?
ALEX
Because its a pipe. And its 2015.
And youre not a young Orson Welles.
MAURICE
Oh, if only...
ALEX
Is this about June?
MAURICE
People have smoked pipes for a long
time, Alex. Well before June existed.

10.
ALEX
How long have you had the pipe?
MAURICE
I dont know, two and a half months?
ALEX
And you and June broke up when?
MAURICE
About three months ago...
Alex gives him a knowing glance. Maurice shakes his head and
smokes his pipe.
MAURICE (CONTD)
Look, Im allowed to have hobbies, try
new things. Not all of my behaviors
are dictated by my ex-girlfriend.
ALEX
And the beard?
MAURICE
Okay, that may have been about her...
Im doing fine though, really. Ive
got the new place, Ive been writing a
lot, keeping busy. Youre the one who
dropped off the face of the earth
after graduation. Whereve you been?
Still doing that internship thing?
Nope.

ALEX

MAURICE
You get a job or anything?
Nope.

ALEX

MAURICE
So what the hell have you been doing?
ALEX
Im starting a podcast.
INT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
Cody is finishing turning Maurices garage into a makeshift
studio. Maurice and Alex enter.

11.
ALEX
You sure you wont do it? Its not
like youd have to prepare anything,
youd just have to be yourself.
MAURICE
But no ones gonna want to hear what I
have to say. I dont even want to hear
what I have to say most of the time.
ALEX
Its a podcast. Almost no one is going
to hear you, period. Well be lucky if
we get Cody to download an episode.
CODY
Dont talk about me.
MAURICE
(beat)
Fine, Ill do it.
ALEX
Awesome! I knew I could count on you.
Alex hugs Maurice, then goes over to Cody.
ALEX (CONTD)
Hey, Cody. Hows it coming along?
CODY
Im almost done, I just need your
laptop so I can plug everything in.
My laptop?

ALEX

CODY
You know that thing you use for
facebook and watching videos of big
animals befriending smaller animals?
You brought it, right?
I...

ALEX

CODY
You know you have to have a computer
to record audio?
I know.

ALEX

12.
CODY
The mixer doesnt just shoot the files
magically into the sky. The cloud
isnt a literal cloud.
I know.

ALEX

ALEX (CONTD)
Look, can you just drive to my place
and pick up my laptop?
Ugh, fine.

CODY

Alex rifles through her purse.

ALEX
Great. Oh, and theres a half eaten
Chipotle burrito in the fridge, can
you bring that too?
Cody sighs, then takes Alexs keys.
CODY
Real professional enterprize you got
going here...
Cody exits.
ALEX
(go fuck yourself)
Love you!
Alex sits down by the mics. Maurice sits next to her.
MAURICE
Wheres he going?
ALEX
I forgot my laptop. Ugh, I bet Marc
Maron never forgot his laptop...
MAURICE
Yeah, but he also used to do a lot of
coke, so I say youre about even.
ALEX
I cant believe this, shell be here
any minute, and I dont have a show
idea or a way to record the episode.
MAURICE
Wait. Whos going to be here?

13.
Alex winces and gets back up, avoiding eye contact with him.
ALEX
The other host.
MAURICE
Whos the other host?
ALEX
Dont hate me...
MAURICE
Thats like the worst way a person
could start a sentence.
ALEX
I need you to understand that I dont
have a lot of friends.
MAURICE
Oh, Im keenly aware.
ALEX
So when I decided to do the show I
knew I needed at least two other
people, but could only think of two
people I care about and that Id want
to do it. Youre one, andNo.
Yeah...

MAURICE
ALEX

From behind Maurice a WOMAN enters frame. Maurice grits his

teeth turning to see JUNE HELLER(25, striking).
Hey, June.

MAURICE

JUNE
Hey Maur. Good to see you. God, how
long has it been?
MAURICE
Bout three months.
END OF ACT ONE

14.
ACT TWO
EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY - FLASHBACK
Alex stands next to June under a blue pop-up tent. June is
preoccupied staring at the assortment of snacks on the table.
JUNE
You want me to do what?
A podcast.

ALEX

JUNE
No, I get that, I mean, what do you
want me to do on it? Do you want me to
act in it? Is it like a radio play?
ALEX
It could be, I havent exactly nailed
down the concept yet. But I know is
that youd be great in it.
JUNE
You say that not even knowing what Id
be great in.
ALEX
See? You get it. This is exactly why
we need you.
SAM
We? Is there going to be another host?
ALEX
(backpeddling)
I meant like the Royal We-- Silversun
Pickups-- Just meet me Sunday at
eleven. Just for an hour.
JUNE
I dont know, Sundays my only day off
this week. Im pretty swamped, which
is ironic considering our states
growing drought problem.
ALEX
Cmon, we never get to hang out
anymore. Itll be fun-- Okay, are you
ever going to actually eat anything?
Because watching you stand here and
not eat is stressing me out.

15.
JUNE
Sometimes I just like to look...
ALEX
But not actually eat anything?
JUNE
Its not that bad. I like to pretend
Im at some weird strip club. Only the
dancers are pretzels... And M&Ms...
ALEX
Okay, now youre just making me sad.
Is this what its like being an actor?
It doesnt seem very satisfying. Those
fun size Snickers, notwithstanding.
JUNE
Its fine really, I mean, playing the
dead girlfriend isnt the most
challenging work, but Im getting
paid, and this time the director only
recommended I lose weight.
ALEX
Hold on, didnt you play a dead
girlfriend in the last movie?
JUNE
No, I was the dead stripper in that
one. I mean, they slept together, but
I dont think they were exclusive.
Alex nods, seeing the key difference. A PA enters.
PA
June? Theyre ready for you.
JUNE
Thanks, Ill just be a second.
June takes a last longing glance at the crafty table.
ALEX
Seriously, just eat something, youre
bumming me out, dude.
Fine.

JUNE

June grabs a HALF MUFFIN and hugs Alex goodbye.

Sunday?

ALEX

16.
JUNE
(mouth full)
Ill think about it.
CUT TO:
INT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY - PRESENT
June and Maurice stand across from each other. Alex rounds
out this Mexican stand off of discomfort, trying to mediate.
ALEX
This wont be an issue will it? You
guys, working together?
Not at all.

JUNE

MAURICE
Cant imagine why it would be.
ALEX
Because you guys dated for like a year
and now arent? I mean, that would be
a thing that could be awkward for some
people. But luckily thats not the
case and we can get started.
Maurices clearly has issues with this situation. Alex picks
up on this but pretends to be oblivious.
ALEX (CONTD)
This isll be fun!. It will be just
like when we were roommates...
Alexs phone rings.
ALEX (CONTD)
But, you know, in a garage.
Alex steps out. Maurice and June look at each other in
silence for a beat before:
JUNE
So... Howve you been?
MAURICE
Super. Just super. You?
JUNE
Ive been... super. Yeah. Super duper.
They stand for a beat of unpleasant silence.

17.
EXT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
Alex talks on the phone.
ALEX
Did you find it?
CODY (O.C.)
I dont know how you find anything in
this apartment, its nothing but empty
pizza boxes and Criminal Minds DVDs.
ALEX
Just look by my bed, it should be
there somewhere.
CODY (O.C.)
Why do you still have the DVDs? Why
dont you just watch it on netflix?
ALEX
I like the special features, okay?
Mandy Patinkins commentaries are very
informative.
INT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
June and Maurice wait, each unsure how to move.
JUNE
I like the beard.
MAURICE
Thanks, Im sort of just not shaving
and observing what happens. Its less
of a beard and more of a science
experiment on my face.
JUNE
Are you going to be alright with this?
MAURICE
Dont really have a choice. Were
here, right? So you seeing anyone?
Nope. You?

JUNE

MAURICE
Cant say that I am.
JUNE
I should go check on Alex.

18.

Okay.

MAURICE

June exits. Maurice sits down at one of the mics.

MAURICE (CONTD)
(in a deep broadcaster voice)
Good evening. Im Timothy Brockvent.
Tonights top story: Life is balls...
Maurice sighs and leans back in his chair, not able to even
appreciate his silly newscaster voice.
EXT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
Alex hangs up just as June walks out.
JUNE
Sorry, I cant do this.
ALEX
What are you talking about? Is this
because of Maurice? Hell be fine.
JUNE
Are we talking about the same person?
He can barely stand to look at me.
ALEX
Its radio, he doesnt have to. He
could be in the other room if you
want, well just get a longer cord.
Its not like you guys didnt get
along before you dated. Remember that
summer when we were lived together and
all you two did for a month was drink
Franzia and watch The West Wing?
JUNE
I had such a crush on John Spencer -Still, I should go.
June walks to her car, Alex follows after her.
ALEX
You cant go. I need you for this.
JUNE
Why? Youre both funnier than me
anyway. Why do you need me?
ALEX
Because of math.

19.

Math?

JUNE

ALEX
Geometry. There has to be three people
for the show to work. You need three
points for a plane. Three points for a
triangle. If its just two points its
a line, its a sea-saw, bouncing side
to side. Its not stable, it doesnt
work, it all falls apart, it needs to
be three!
JUNE
Are you okay? You sound like my cousin
Roy when he starts talking about 9/11.
ALEX
You need that balance, that backup in
case something goes wrong.
JUNE
So Im the backup?
ALEX
Were all the backup. We need you to
balance things out. Without you,
everything devolves into chaos.
Alex sees Cody pull into the driveway.
ALEX (CONTD)
Its just one hour. Ill make sure
Maurice behaves. Can you just tolerate
one hour of discomfort? For me?
INT. MAURICES GARAGE - DAY
Alex and Cody return followed by June. Cody goes to plug in
the laptop. Maurice talks into the mic, turning random knobs.
MAURICE
We have a code zero four, repeat zero
four. Send in all available troopsCody slaps Maurices hand away from the knobs.
CODY
Dont touch that. Its not a toy.
Maurice immediately stops, hanging his head in shame.
Sorry.

MAURICE

20.
June sits down at the boards and waving cheerfully at Cody,
to no response.
ALEX
June, Cody. Cody, June.
Alex finishes eating her aforementioned burrito, watching
Cody finish setting up. Alex waves Maurice over.
Whats up?

MAURICE

ALEX
Im going to need you to promise to me
that youll be cool with all this.
MAURICE
I already told you it was fine.
ALEX
We still share a netflix account. I
know you arent over June.
MAURICE
I dont know what you mean.
ALEX
Youve watched Sleepless in Seattle...
Like a lot.
MAURICE
Its a good movie. I dont apologize.
ALEX
Just be cool, okay? This means a lot
to me, having you two back as friends.
Maurice nods. They both go sit down.
JUNE
You figured out what the shows about?
ALEX
Not quite. But I thought we would just
hit record. See what happens.
MAURICE
Hey, those are always my favorite
podcasts: unstructured ramblings
without famous people.
CODY
Done. Can I go now?

21.
ALEX
I sort of thought you would stay and
help with the levels and everything.
Besides, Im your ride.
CODY
Christ. Alright, fine.
Maurice and Alex sit down at their mics.
CODY (CONTD)
Well, say something, guys! Jesus.
One by one they lean in and give mic checks.
JUNE
Check. Check one.
MAURICE
Check check. Sibilance. Sibilance.
ALEX
(faking a smile)
Thank you so much for helping me Cody.
You are a treasure and I am glad your
family is a part of my family.
Cody sighs, confused by his step-sisters bizarre affection.
CODY
Alright, youre good.
Cody looks to Alex, NODS.
ALEX
Oh, okay. Hello. Welcome to the first
episode of... this podcast. Im Alex
Winters, no relation. To my right is
Maurice Summers.
MAURICE
This is the sound of my voice.
JUNE
I just noticed that. Summers, Winters.
June. Weird.
ALEX
Those dulcet tones belong to June
Heller. And we are going to be your
guides on thisCODY
Im not recording, by the way.

22.

What?

ALEX

CODY
Did you want me to record?
Yes.
Jesus.

ALEX
MAURICE

June takes off her coat, in doing so accidentally revealing a

small HICKEY just under her collar to Maurice.
ALEX
Why did you give me the nod?
CODY
I saw you nodding, I was agreeing, I
dont know, I dont understand every
nod, jeez. Do you want to record now?
Yes!

ALEX

Cody hits record then NODS as sarcastically as possible.

ALEX (CONTD)
Hello everybody, welcome for the first
time ever to this podcast. Well think
of a name very soon, I promise you. In
the meantime Im Alex Winters, no
relation, with me are-Alex looks to Maurice. Maurice just stares at Junes neck.
MAURICE
What happened there?
JUNE
What do you mean?
MAURICE
On your neck?
ALEX
Maurice? In the middle of an introMAURICE
One second, there seems to be a
massive bruise on Junes neck, I want
to take a moment and make sure she
isnt in any real medical danger.

23.
JUNE
I dont know what happened, okay?
ALEX
Real, great radio here, guys.
MAURICE
I know its crazy because only a
moment ago you said to my face you
werent seeing anyone, but I guess my
eyes are playing tricks on my because
it looks like theres a massive hickey
on your neck.
JUNE
Not that its any of your business,
but Im not seeing anyone.
ALEX
Way to stay cool, Maurice.
MAURICE
Clearly you were with someone, unless
you fell in a squid tank or youre
somehow the mom from The Conjuring.
JUNE
Just because I fool around with
someone doesnt mean Im seeing them.
This isnt the 50s, Maurice.
ALEX
Youre really giving Cody a lot to
edit, guys.
CODY
Im supposed to edit this?
JUNE
I knew this was a bad idea staying
here. I should have guessed you
couldnt behave like a mature adult.
MAURICE
Oh, and nothing says mature adult
like a 25 year old showing off a
hickey the size of Saskatchewan.
During all of this Cody pays keen attention to the levels.
JUNE
Okay. Im sorry, Alex. I tried.

24.
ALEX
Wait, this is perfect! Keep talking.
This is what podcasts are about. Pain.
Drama. Keep fighting, guys! If youre
just tuning in, youre listening to
June and Maurice, former lovers,
current podcast hosts. What are you
guys feeling right now?
Maurice takes off his headphones and storms out.
ALEX (CONTD)
Okay, listeners, Maurice just stormed
out of the studio, but still with us
is June Heller. June, why did you and
Maurice break up? Does it have
anything to do with your parents?
JUNE
This isnt working.
ALEX
Is that how you told Maurice?
June takes off her headphones and gets up.
JUNE
Ive got lines to go over.
ALEX
I thought your character didnt have
any lines?
JUNE
Bye Alex, well hang out sometime.
Yeah...

ALEX

June exits. Alex just sits alone with Cody in the garage.
CODY
So... should I cut?
END OF ACT TWO

25.
ACT THREE
INT. ALEX'S CHILDHOOD BEDROOM - NIGHT
Alex sleeps face first over the covers of her bed. Old
posters and photos from her childhood cover the walls. Daniel
walks past the room and notices her.
DANIEL
What are you doing?
ALEX
(muffled)
Sleeping.
DANIEL
How'd it go? Your podcast?
Alex sits up, a big red mark on her face from the comforter.
ALEX
Hey, you remembered the name.
DANIEL
Cody put some shows he thought Id
like on my iPod. You wouldnt believe
how many shows there are about just
woodworking. Theres Wood-nt You
Know, Wood That You Could,
Sprucing Things Up, Balsa News
Thats Fit to Print-Daniel can tell she's sad. He sits next to her.
DANIEL (CONTD)
Whats wrong?
ALEX
I blew it. I couldn't think of a show
idea in time, then my co-hosts started
fighting because they used to date-DANIEL
Maurice and June? Why'd you put them
in a room together?
ALEX
Because they're my friends, and I
hadn't seen them in a while. I guess I
thought maybe the show could rekindle
our friendship. Pretty stupid, huh?
Daniel grabs a black and white photo of Alex, Maurice, and
June hanging out as old roommates.

26.
DANIEL
I didn't think people actually printed
photos anymore...
ALEX
It's from my photography phase. Guess
you were right about me. I'll pay you
back for everything. It might takeDANIEL
You're not paying me back. I may not
be the most attuned guy, but I can
tell when something's important to
you. I know you wouldn't be getting
this worked up about this whole thing
if it was just some phase. I dont
know why this means so much, but
clearly its about something more to
you that just a show. And you owe it
to yourself to really see it out. Not
just because I wrote you a check, but
because I truly believe you can do
something great. I always have. Thats
why I never minded buying you all that
stuff. Because even if it didnt fully
take, I wanted to see what you could
do. And Ive never been disappointed.
Except for maybe that bird. I really
hated that bird.
ALEX
I love you, Dad.
Alex laughs, hugs her dad.
DANIEL
And for no other reason, do it to get
Cody out of the house. I swear, that
kid is looking paler than a cheap ham.
EXT. MOVIE SET - DAY
June is back at the crafty table, staring longingly at the
spread of red-vines and pretzels. Maurice enters.
MAURICE
I wouldn't eat those red vines if I
were you, I hear they're made out of
real vines.
June turns to see him, she's surprised to see a familiar
face, but not happy its his.

27.
MAURICE (CONTD)
Im so sorry, I wanted to think of a
better joke, but then I got here and-Im sorry.
JUNE
Its a pretty terrible joke. Its not
even a joke really.
MAURICE
Yeah, I know. Im not myself lately.
JUNE
What are you doing here?
MAURICE
I came to apologize. I was immature, I
overreacted, it wasn't fair to you,
and it wasn't fair to Alex either.
Ive been trying to hide how I feel
for the past three months and when I
saw you, its like it all came to the
surface, like a giant, jealously zit,
popping all over everybody face. I'm
sorry. I can't promise I'm going to be
able to be okay around you right away,
but I can promise to try.
JUNE
Thanks, it means a lot to hear you say
that.
MAURICE
And again, Im really sorry for that
joke. Can we be friends again now?
JUNE
I think we could be.
MAURICE
So as a friend, I have to ask-JUNE
No you don't-MAURICE
Was it someone here? Was it the boom
guy? It was the boom guy.
JUNE
It wasn't the boom guy.

28.
MAURICE
It's always the boom guy. They're like
the drummers of film sets.
June just rolls her eyes.
MAURICE (CONTD)
Come do the podcast.
JUNE
Did Alex ask you to come here?
MAURICE
I can neither confirm, nor deny that-Yes. She did. But that doesnt mean I
dont think you should do it. We all
need something right now. Are you
telling me youre really creatively
stimulated here?
JUNE
As an actor theres a certain
challenge to not having any lines, or
interesting action, or character
motivation-- Okay, fine. One show.
Maurice smiles. Starts to walk away.
JUNE (CONTD)
Youre not just doing this to try to
get back together with me, are you?
MAURICE
If I really was trying to win you
back, I like to think Id come up with
something a little bit cooler than
being on a podcast.
June thinks this over while Maurice casually walks away.
INT. MAURICE'S GARAGE - DAY
Alex paces in the back of the garage. Maurice sits watching
her. After a beat June enters. Alex waves her over. Maurice
smiles as June sits next to him, both ready to hear Alex out.
ALEX
I want to apologize for springing
things on you the way I did, for not
being prepared, and for not explaining
myself the way I should. I don't have
a lot of friends. But you guys have,
for most of my adult life, been like
family to me.
(MORE)

29.
ALEX (CONT'D)
However, these past few months I can
tell we're already spreading apart and
I know it's only going to be a matter
of time before we're all that friend
you run into at the grocery store and
struggle to make small talk with. I
don't want that to happen to us. I
dont want half a decade of friendship
to turn into a boring conversation
about how expensive gum has gotten.
JUNE
It really has though.
MAURICE
I know. A buck sixty a pack? Get real,
Orbit, Im on a budget.
ALEX
It's no one's fault, it's just what
happens. You move, you graduate,
people break up... but I don't think
that it has to be the case for us. I
wont let it be. I think I got it in
my head that the podcast was about us
creating something, something great,
but what I realized is that it doesn't
matter what we make so long as that
the three of us make it together. I
know a podcast sounds like a dumb
thing to keep a friendship going but
most friendships revolve around
something stupid. Work, college,
church, a weird mutual love for the
show Cheers that I never really
understood...
MAURICE
You cant beat a young Ted
Danson.

JUNE
Rhea Perlman is my hero. That
hair...

ALEX (CONTD)
Thats just the point. I mean, would
Sam Malone and Norm Peterson ever hang
out if it werent for Cheers? Would
the people on Scrubs care about each
other if they didn't work at the same
hospital? If it weren't for Central
Perk would the friends on Friends
still be friends?
JUNE
I mean, Monica and Ross were
brother and sister...

MAURICE
Joey and Chandler were
roommates, so..

30.
ALEX (CONTD)
Okay forgot that one. This show itself
could be terrible, it could be
something even our family wouldnt
want to listen to and it will still
have been a success because it brought
us all together. Because for an hour
once a week we all made a point to
take a break from our sloppy lives,
meet up and make something stupid...
like a podcast. Let's make something
stupid.
JUNE
I didnt realize you cared that much
about this. I thought you were just
goofing around.
ALEX
Cant it be both?
MAURICE
We still need an actual idea for the
show though.
ALEX
I know. And were going to think of it
as a group. It cant be hard to find
something to talk about that other
people find interesting. There are
podcasts about woodworking for
Christs sake.
JUNE
You listen to Whats Pine is Yours
too? My uncle loves that show.
ALEX
Whats important is that whatever it
is, its something we all care about
and we would be able to talk about for
hours on end. Theres a whole big
world of possibilities out there-Dramatic push in on Alex.
ALEX (CONTD)
--What do you want to talk about?
END OF ACT THREE

31.
TAG

INT. MAURICES GARAGE - LATER

June, Alex, and Maurice sit on the mics, with Cody on the
ones and twos.
ALEX
Welcome to the first episode of "I
Feel Like Danson" the encyclopedic
podcast chronically every episode of
NBC's "Cheers."
MAURICE
Were still workshopping the title.
I like it.

JUNE

ALEX
For the record, I did not want to do a
podcast about Cheers but I was
outvoted by my co-hosts. Nevertheless-MAURICE
Alex, The thing you gotta remember is,
Making your way in the world today
takes everything youve got.
ALEX
Okay, I see what youre doing there.
JUNE
Taking a break from all your worries
should would help a lot.
ALEX
Very funny, guys.
MAURICE
So Nobody told you life would be this
way...
JUNE
You jobs a joke, youre broke, your
love lifes DOA...
ALEX
Not even the right show.
MAURICE
You take the good, you take the bad...

32.
JUNE
You take them both and there you haveA lawsuit?

ALEX

JUNE
All jokes aside, Alex. Sometimes I
cant help but wonder, whatever
happened to predictability?
MAURICE
You know, the milkman, the paperboy,
the evening TV?
CODY
WHRRRRRRRRRRSSHHHWOOONGGG
(off looks)
That was from Lost.
ALEX
How many episodes of Cheers are there?
MAURICE
Two hundred and seventy.
Wonderful.

ALEX

We slowly pull out on the four of them, laughing and talking

like old friends. They adlib the podcast as the audio slowly
fades out.
FADE OUT: