Improving Your Communication Skills

“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the
intent to reply.” – Stephen Covey

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Poor Communication Habits Effective Communication Habits

Partial listening Ȃ6SOLWWLQJ\RXUDWWHQWLRQEHWZHHQ Mindful listening Ȃ*LYLQJWKHVSHDNHU\RXUIXOO
PXOWLSOHWKLQJVEHVLGHVWKHVSHDNHUVXFKDVEHLQJ DWWHQWLRQUHPRYLQJGLVWUDFWLRQVQRWLFLQJ\RXU
GLVWUDFWHGE\DGHYLFH\RXUWKRXJKWVRUE\DWDVN WKRXJKWVDQGWKHQUHGLUHFWLQJ\RXUDWWHQWLRQWRZKDW
\RX UHGRLQJ WKHVSHDNHULVVD\LQJDQGSDXVLQJ\RXUWDVNV

Example Example
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continues to send an email on their phone while also FRPPXQLFDWLQJDQGSUDFWLVHUHIRFXVLQJRQWKH
DWWHPSWLQJWROLVWHQ FRQWHQWRIZKDWWKHRWKHULVVD\LQJZKHQWKH\QRWLFH
WKHLUPLQGVZDQGHULQJ

Mind reading Ȃ$VVXPLQJ\RXNQRZH[DFWO\ZKDW Checking perceptions Ȃ$VNLQJFODULI\LQJDQG

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them directly. are accurate.

Example Example
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FRXOG\RXWHOOPHZKDW\RXȇUHWKLQNLQJ"ȋ

HijackingȂ5HGLUHFWLQJWKHFRQYHUVDWLRQDOIRFXVRQ Probing – $VNLQJTXHVWLRQVWRLPSURYH\RXU

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H[SUHVVWKHPVHOYHV IHHOLQJDQGQHHGLQJ

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limited interest in others. VD\LQJDIWHUWKH\ YHKDYHWKHRSSRUWXQLW\WRH[SUHVV
WKHPVHOYHVȴUVW
Example
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JudgingȂ(YDOXDWLQJWKHRWKHUSHUVRQDQGZKDW Non-judging – &RPPXQLFDWLQJZLWKDQRSHQPLQG

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ȂHYHU\RQHKDVWKHLURZQXQLTXHVHWRIH[SHULHQFHV
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RSLQLRQVYDOXHVDQGEHOLHIV
Example
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WKH\ȇYHMXVWVDLGWR\RXDQGIROORZLQJ\RXUWKRXJKW
WUDLODURXQGWKLVLQVWHDGRIOLVWHQLQJWRWKHP

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Poor Communication Habits Effective Communication Habits
Teaching or preachingȂ2΍HULQJVROXWLRQVUDWKHU Asking permissionȂ5HVLVWHQWHULQJȆȴ[PRGHȇDQG
WKDQOLVWHQLQJDQGVHHNLQJWRXQGHUVWDQGWKHRWKHU IRFXVRQPLQGIXOOLVWHQLQJ:KHQ\RXȇUHFRQȴGHQWWKDW
SHUVRQJLYLQJXQVROLFLWHGDGYLFH \RXȇYHJLYHQWKHSHUVRQHQRXJKWLPHWRIXOO\H[SUHVV
WKHPVHOYHVDQGFRPHXSZLWKWKHLURZQVROXWLRQV\RX
Example FRXOGDVNWKHLUSHUPLVVLRQWRJLYH\RXUDGYLFH
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VKRXOGȐȋ Example
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Demanding Ȃ0DNLQJGHPDQGVLQVWHDGRIUHVSHFWIXOO\ 0DNLQJVSHFLȴFUHTXHVWVȂ$VNLQJVRPHRQHWR

DVNLQJIRUZKDW\RXZDQW GRVRPHWKLQJRQO\LIWKH\ȇUHZLOOLQJWRUDWKHUWKDQ
GHPDQGLQJVRPHWKLQJIURPWKHP
Example
Ȋ*HW\RXUURRPFOHDQHGQRZȋ Example
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ZLOOLQJWRFOHDQ\RXUURRPQRZSOHDVH"ȋ

Discounting – *LYLQJWKHPHVVDJHWKDWWKHRWKHU ValidatingȂ&RPPXQLFDWLQJLQDZD\WKDWVKRZV

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needs into account.
Example
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WKHVLWXDWLRQ\RX UHLQȋ

Belittling – *LYLQJWKHPHVVDJHWKDWWKHRWKHUSHUVRQ Supporting – 'HPRQVWUDWLQJDFFHSWDQFHZDUPWK

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or opinion.
Example
Example Ȋ2ND\Ζ GEHLQWHUHVWHGWRNQRZPRUHDERXWKRZ\RX
:RZΖFDQ WEHOLHYH\RXDFWXDOO\WKLQNWKDW came to that opinion?"

Guilt-tripping Ȃ*LYLQJWKHPHVVDJHWKDWWKHRWKHU Summarising Ȃ5HSHDWLQJZKDW\RXȇYHKHDUGEDFN

SHUVRQLVEHKDYLQJLPPRUDOO\RULVLQWKHZURQJIRU WRWKHVSHDNHULQDEULHIZD\WRHQVXUH\RXȇYH
KDYLQJFHUWDLQQHHGV understood them properly.

Example Example
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WKHUHȇVVRPHWKLQJYHU\ZURQJZLWKRXUUHODWLRQVKLSȋ EHHQKHDULQJIURPPHDVPXFKZKHQΖȇPDZD\"ȋ

Derailing Ȃ6KLIWLQJWKHDWWHQWLRQIURPWKHRWKHU %HLQJTXLHWDQGQRWLQWHUUXSWLQJ – *LYLQJWKH

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Example
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WKH\ȇUHVD\LQJ

PlacatingȂ$JUHHLQJZLWKVRPHRQHZLWKRXWUHDOO\ 5HȵHFWLQJȂ5HSHDWLQJVRPHRQHȇVZRUGVEDFNWR
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Example Example
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WKDW\RXIRUJRWDERXWLWȋ
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6SHDNHU$Ȋ<HSΖZDVFRXQWLQJRQKDYLQJ\RXWKHUH
ZLWKPHȐȋ

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Review the communication habits and fill in the boxes below:

MY EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION HABITS

MY POOR COMMUNICATION HABITS

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION HABITS TO DEVELOP

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Guided Discussion for Effective Communication

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Step 1. %RWKSHRSOHUHDGWKURXJKWKHFRPPXQLFDWLRQVNLOOVWDEOH

Step 2.3HUVRQ$VKDUHVZKLFKSRRUFRPPXQLFDWLRQVNLOOVUHVRQDWHGZLWKWKHPȂZKDWWKH\ȇGOLNH
WRZRUNRQLPSURYLQJ

Step 3.3HUVRQ%VKDUHVWKHLURSLQLRQDERXWZKLFKFRPPXQLFDWLRQVNLOOVWKH\ȇGOLNH3HUVRQ$WR
ZRUNRQLPSURYLQJ

Step 4.3HUVRQ%VKDUHVZKLFKSRRUFRPPXQLFDWLRQVNLOOVUHVRQDWHGZLWKWKHPȂZKDWWKH\ȇGOLNH
WRZRUNRQLPSURYLQJ

Step 5. 3HUVRQ$VKDUHVWKHLURSLQLRQDERXWZKLFKFRPPXQLFDWLRQVNLOOVWKH\ȇGOLNH3HUVRQ%WR
ZRUNRQLPSURYLQJ

Step 6. %RWKSHRSOHWDNHLWLQWXUQVWRȴQLVKRQHWKHIROORZLQJSURPSWV

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» ȊΖIRUJLYH\RXIRUȐȋ

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Want more worksheets like this?

Discover practical tools for effective communication in The Mental Wellbeing Toolkit:

• For personal use

• For professional use
• For organisations

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