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Emily Elizondo

Christopher Salerno

ENG1100

21 September 2023

How I Realized the Importance of Being Offline

When I was growing up, my father played a pivotal role in introducing me to the new

digital world. It began with a few different video game consoles; A Gameboy, a Nintendo

GameCube, and the original Xbox. From here, it was not long before I was introduced to my first

computer. Well, not mine technically, but it was the family computer, and I was shown how to

use it. I vividly remember the nostalgic chime that was Windows XP startup. I even realized I

needed glasses because I would have to sit close to the monitor to see it. I was not really a social

kid in my younger years, but I still got my intake of ”social interaction ” of the day while using

my computer. Watching YouTube became my social interaction. Obviously as a child you don’t

really think of things like this with a critical eye, but I would eventually learn that while the

internet can provide solace for some people, it can equally cause unhealthy social habits.

Skipping a couple of years to when I was middle school and I still felt like I didn’t have a

place. I am expressive, impulsive, and spontaneous when you get to know me, but I didn’t know

how to show that to people. My attempts often came across as me being loud and obnoxious, so

eventually I gave up. I kept to myself as much as I could, even eating alone during lunch. I was

just trying to get by middle school as a ghost. It crippled my self-esteem and I felt like I didn’t

deserve friends. I turned to my love for drawing and just drew when I could at school. After

school, I would bury myself in the family computer, which had been upgraded to Windows 7,

and I would spend hours watching YouTube. At some point I found a video mentioning a
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website called DeviantArt. I could share my art to the world? Finally, a place I felt like I

belonged, and in that excitement, I quickly made an account.

With DeviantArt, I was able to connect to more people than I could ever imagine. I was

completely astonished by what I saw. Suddenly I was receiving the attention I had wanted for so

long. People actually liked the stuff I made– not only that, but they would tell me that they did. I

would shower my profile with my special interests and hobbies. I immediately experienced a

profound sense of significance and belonging. Some even messaged me privately telling me they

wanted to know more about me. I found people through common interests and came to realize

many of them were in the same position I was in middle school. We shared stories, exchanged

advice, and supported each other. I found a group of friends, something I wanted more than

anything.

I could not wait to go home every day when I was at school. I never paid attention and

just daydreamed about what I was going to do when I got home. I was in my own little world. I

would rush home and just be on my computer. I had homework that had to be done? I couldn’t

do that right now; I was with my friends. Need a shower? Not right now I was with friends. I

would stay up with them for hours and hours in the middle of the night. I would sleep in class.

My unhealthy habits kept getting worse and worse. While people were spending time together

after school and going out to the mall, I just rushed home to get to my computer. I did not need

“real life” friends. I had everything I needed. It was all at home on the computer.

When Summer finally came along, I finally could be home cooped up on my computer. I

never had to go to school or outside even. Every day, I would wake up, get on my computer, eat

one meal, and then go to bed. I loved it, I thought. After doing it for so long, I started to break. I

looked around, in a dark room, with only my monitor being the only source of light. Everyone
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my age is with people, in real life. It was nothing against my online friends. But the personal

connection you have with someone in real life could not compare. I realized how isolated I felt.

How much worse what I thought would be a quick fix of sorts made me feel. I assumed everyone

in the world hated me. At this point, there were even new people at my school, and I realized my

predetermined assumption led to never bothering to give them a chance. I had to get out and try

again.

In the coming years, I decided to open more in school. Obviously, that didn’t come

without its own issue. I was still awkward and didn’t know how to introduce myself to new

people. I just tried to be nice to everyone and make conversation where I could. I just needed one

person to give me a chance. And I did, and that person introduced me to more people. And

eventually, I had my friend group– but in person this time. The feeling was remarkable, nothing

like it had been online. I felt validated as a person. I was going outside and hanging out with

them. They liked me for who I was and gave me that personal connection I needed. The internet

did help me at my time of need, but I wouldn’t have found any people in person if I kept doing

what I was doing. It is important to have real-life connections and bond with people off the

screen.