Aladdin

by

Geoff Bamber

(Producer’s Copy)
 Aladdin

Tracks/Band
Sound Effects
Lighting

1. Aladdin Medley Instrumental (ALL sing chorus of

Arabian Nights)
2a. Arabian Nights fades in
Scene One
(Enter shabby lamp trader. She pushes a barrow piled high with lamps of all shapes and sizes –
ancient and modern. She stops centre-stage and checks that representatives of the law are not at
hand.)
Trader: Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new! Anybody?
(She tries to interest the audience.)
Trader: What about you lot? Handsome sir? Pretty lady? I’ve got a load of old lamps here.
Bring me out a new one and I’ll give you one of these fine pieces. Old lamps for new! Old lamps
for new!

2b. Fade out Arabian Nights

(Enter Aladdin.)
Aladdin: Have you got that right? Old lamps for new?
Trader: Of course I’ve got it right – and who might you be?
Aladdin: I am Aladdin. Son of the Widow Twankey – Laundry Person. You appear to have set up
your stall outside my mother’s laundry. I suggest you clear off.
Trader: But it’s a good pitch is a laundry. People are coming and going all day. Everybody gets
their clothes washed.
Aladdin: (Sniffing.) You don’t.
Trader: I’ll tell you what: Let me trade here – and, if you have a lamp you want to get rid of, I’ll
let you have the best one I’ve got on my barrow. Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new!
Aladdin: It still doesn’t sound right. And why would I want junk like that?
Trader: Junk?! Junk?! It ain’t junk, sonny. These is antique.
Aladdin: Alright – antique junk.

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Trader: Items of character. That’s why people who have new lamps – trendy designer lamps –
soon tire of them and long to get their discerning hands on this jun… I mean on this just wonderful
array of quality craftsmanship. It can’t fail. Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new!
(Aladdin looks out into the audience and then offstage and then back and forth across the stage
itself.)
Aladdin: That’s why there’s such a rush on, is it?
Trader: Give them time.
(Enter Ameera, dragging a bag of washing.)
Trader: Now, young lady…
Aladdin: Forget it. That’s my little sister, Ameera. I’m supposed to be looking after her.
Ameera: And not doing it very well. He’s left me to collect all this washing from our customers.
Aladdin: That’s your job. I’m management. And you do it so well. (To Trader.) Now, I suggest
that you clear off before my mum comes out.
Trader: Alright – but don’t say that you weren’t offered. You’ll regret it. Mark my words.
You’ll regret it. Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new! (Exits.)
(Enter Widow Twankey.)
Twankey: Now, what’s going on here? Owww you did not tell me that we had guests! And what a
bunch of hotties they are, especially you sir! You can call me anytime!
Ameera: Mum you’re sooooo embarrassing.
Twankey: Ameera, have you got that washing? Right, take it inside and start sorting it out. And
you, Aladdin, what will you be doing?
Aladdin: Oh, just sitting and thinking. Hanging out.
Twankey: Fine. You can hang out the washing when I’ve finished it. You’re going to have to sort
yourself out. Get yourself a job. Goodbye, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me. (Shakes fake boobs.)

3. The Boy Does Nothing (Ameera & Singers)

(Exit Widow and Ameera.)
Aladdin: She’s right. If I don’t get a job soon I’ll end up working here in the laundry for the rest of
my life. But what else is there?

4. Imperial Army Drumbeat

(A rousing drumbeat signals the entrance of the Imperial Army – singing and ineptly attempting
to march to the same rhythm. The Sergeant brings up the rear.)
Soldiers: We are the Army – the Army of the Emperor! We are the Army – the Army of the
Emperor! We are the Army – the Army of the Emperor! (IN CALL & RESPONSE)
(They assemble in a vaguely straight line.)
Sergeant: We would have liked a marching band but, as you can see, marching is a bit too technical
for this lot. And we haven’t got any instruments either. So we are a singing army.
Soldiers: We are the Army – the Army of the Emperor! We are the Army – the Army of the
Emperor! We are the Army – the Army of the Emperor!
Aladdin: Yes, but can they fight?
(Soldiers shy away in alarm at the thought.)
Sergeant: We’ll have none of that talk. We are, what is called a ceremonial unit. Right now, look
lively and stand to attention. The Vizier is here.

5. Royal Trumpets

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(Enter Vizier and Leopold. Leopold carries an official-looking clipboard.)
Vizier: I am the Grand Vizier, Head of the Imperial Government and second in importance only
to the Emperor.
(Leopold whispers to him.)
Vizier: Well, third in importance behind the Emperor who is himself second in importance to his
lovely wife, the Empress. There is, as you know, to be a great wedding in which two great families
– well, one great family and one that is about to become great – are to be united. For the divine
Princess Yasmin, daughter of the Emperor and his good lady, is to marry my own fine son, Leopold.
Take a bow, Leopold, and let the people see you.
Leopold: Can I practice the royal wave, daddy?
Vizier: Certainly, my boy. Get into the habit.
(Leopold waves.)
Vizier: A natural. And such a handsome fellow. A chip off the old block and all that.
Leopold: I can hardly wait to marry the Princess Yasmin. Indeed my heart leaps at the very
thought. This marriage will make me a prince and more important, even, than you, father.
Vizier: Don’t count on it. Obviously such an event requires a great deal of ceremony and a
mighty military presence.
Sergeant: Mighty military presence – One step forward!
(Army steps forward with no great unity.)
Vizier: Exactly, Sergeant. But we need more men. Leopold?
(Leopold consults clipboard with lists of names on it.)
Leopold: Now, I take it that this would be the home of the Widow Twankey.
Aladdin: That’s my mum.
Leopold: So you would be Aladdin. Aladdin Twankey. Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue, does it?
According to our records, you have no job.
Aladdin: Executive Director of ‘Twankey’s Tiny Whiteys’.
Vizier: Exactly. No job. And as an unemployed peasant, you are herewith drafted into the
Imperial Army. A fine body of men.
Sergeant: Can you march, lad?
Aladdin: No.
Sergeant: Play an instrument?
Aladdin: No
Vizier: Wonderful.
Aladdin: I can’t sing either.
Vizier: As you have heard, that doesn’t really matter.
Soldiers: We are the Army – the Army of the Emperor! We are the Army – the Army of the
Emperor! We are the Army – the Army of the Emperor!
Vizier: Get the fellow a uniform.
Sergeant: We ain’t got a full one. Cutbacks. But we’ve got an Imperial armband.
(One of the soldiers brings forward a multi-coloured, tasselled armband and gives it to Aladdin,
who puts it on.)
Leopold: Very fetching. Well done. The military is a fine and noble career. And the chances of
being killed are less than average.
Aladdin: Why aren’t you in it, then?
Leopold: I am a politician. But I have the skills.

(He demonstrates his swordsmanship with an extravagant series of thrusts and parries.)

6. Whipping Sound Effect

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(During the demonstration, Ameera enters.)
Aladdin: What about her? She can join up too.
Leopold: You would be Ameera, yes? Too young – besides, she has a job. (Reads clipboard.)
Ameera: hard-working, honest, mother’s pride and joy. Aladdin: bone-idle layabout. You will
enjoy your duties at my wedding. It will be a great honour for you.
Vizier: Right, come along. We have a wedding to arrange.
(Vizier, Leopold and the Army exit. Ameera goes to laundry door and busies herself with some
washing.)
Sergeant: (To Aladdin.) I should just practice guarding things, son. And when you get bored with
that, practice singing. (Exit.)

4. Imperial Army Drumbeat

(Enter Trader as Aladdin adjusts his armband and assumes a few military poses.)
Trader: Well, who’s a smart soldier boy, then?
Aladdin: I told you to clear off.
Trader: Oh, come on. I’m just trying to earn an honest living. You can pick the best lamp I’ve
got. Or I might just stay here and put your customers off.
Aladdin: Oh, alright then. Wait there. (To Ameera.) Make sure she doesn’t steal anything.
(Aladdin briefly leaves stage, reappearing with a modern lamp.)
Aladdin: I’ve never liked this.
Ameera: Neither have I but it’s mum’s favourite.
Aladdin: Yes, but we have a duty to save her from her own bad taste. And we can get rid of this
old bat too.

Twankey: I beg your pardon! (Opens and closes door to say it.)

Trader: (Examining lamp with eyeglass.) Mm… It has a strange marking that I am not familiar
with. Is it perhaps the initials of the craftsman who forged it or the tribe that he came from? There
is a straight vertical sign and then a symbol that looks like an arrowhead striking a target, then there
is a three-pronged comb on its side and here, at the end, something that puts me in mind of the head
of a horned bull, only upside down. It’s a new one on me.
Aladdin: It says IKEA.
Ameera: It’s called Smagbro. We’ve got a chair inside called Flip-Flop.
Trader: Well, I think I’ll just take the lamp. Choose whichever one you would like to exchange it
for.
(Aladdin picks one from the barrow almost at random.)
Aladdin: How about this one?
Trader: And a wise choice too. Very classy and elegant.
Aladdin: If you say so. Now, clear off again.
(Exit Trader.)
Aladdin: Right, let’s go and put this somewhere classy and elegant.
(Exit Aladdin and Ameera.)

Black Out

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Scene Two

7a. Light Drumming (tapping)

(Enter Aladdin. He continues to alter the position of his armband but does not look entirely
comfortable in it. He goes through a series of exercises that he believes simulate military guard
duties. He tries to look serious.)
(While this is happening the handmaidens come onto stage behind him. They attempt to stifle
their giggles.)
Maiden 1: Go on.
Maiden 2: No, you go on.
Maiden 3: Go on, ask him.
Maiden 4: Oh, I can’t.
Maiden 1: Well we’ll do it together.
(They nervously approach Aladdin.)
Maiden 2: Excuse us.
Aladdin: Consider yourselves excused, ladies.
(More giggling.)
Maiden 2: Are you one of the new guards?
Maiden 3: For the Royal Wedding.
Aladdin: I am the only guard – And I am new.
Maiden 4: We think the Imperial Guard are wonderful. Well, they look wonderful.
Maiden 1: Then they start to sing.
Aladdin: Have no fear. I am not about to sing.
Maiden 2: So strong.
Maiden 3: So masterful.
Maiden 4: May we watch you practice your guarding?
Aladdin: Certainly.
(The handmaidens withdraw to a safe distance while Aladdin once more works through his
repertoire of none-shall-pass poses, albeit without any sort of weapon. Ameera emerges from the
laundry just as Aladdin reaches that side of the stage.)

7b. Light Drumming (tapping)

Aladdin: You know, sis, this soldiering lark isn’t so bad after all.
(Princess Yasmin, wearing a veil, appears at the opposite side of the stage.)
Ameera: It’s getting better. Another one’s just arrived.
(Yasmin makes her way over to the four handmaidens.)
Aladdin: I like a woman in a veil. A touch of mystery. That is one piece of hot totty.
(Aladdin makes his way back to the centre of the stage, where the handmaidens approach again.
Yasmin tags along nervously behind.)
Aladdin: And who would this be?
Maiden 1: Oh, just a friend – another handmaiden to Princess Yasmin, like the rest of us.
Maiden 2: She wears a veil as she has a slight cold and does not want to spread it.
Maiden 3: And she is rather shy.
(The handmaidens step back leaving a reluctant Yasmin isolated. Aladdin eyes her suspiciously.)
Aladdin: You know, if I did not know better, I would suspect that you were no ordinary
handmaiden. I would suspect that you were none other than the Princess Yasmin herself. Allow
me.
(He tentatively lifts the veil and jumps back towards Ameera.)
Aladdin: It is! It is the Princess Yasmin!

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8. She’s So Lovely (Aladdin & Singers)

Ameera: The hottest totty of them all!

(Yasmin bursts into tears.)
Yasmin: How did you know? How did you know?
(Yasmin turns back. Having taken off the veil, she is now dabbing her eyes with it.)
Yasmin: Even without the crown, I knew that my disguise would not fool anyone.
Ameera: Even a fool.
Yasmin: I had to get out of the Palace and away from all this wedding talk.
Maiden 4: But a wedding is a joyous occasion, Your Highness.
Yasmin: Yours might be. And yours, and yours, and yours. Even some people out there might be
happily married.
(All pause and look hopefully out into the audience.)
Yasmin: Well, anyway, this is my wedding that we are talking about. And I do not want it to
happen. I am so miserable. (She turns to Aladdin.) Will you help me? You seem a nice person.
You seem kind. And so handsome. Please help me.

9. Help (Yasmin & Singers)

Aladdin: I’m not sure what I can do.

Maiden 1: Your Highness, you must return to the Palace now – before you are missed.
Yasmin: Yes, I must. But do not forget me, kind sir, for I am depending on you. (She presses her
veil into Aladdin’s hand.)
Maiden 2: Come on, Your Highness, we must hurry.
(The handmaidens hustle Yasmin off stage.)
Aladdin: I think I’ve pulled.
Ameera: I think you need your head seeing to. You are just a low-ranking soldier or an even
lower-ranking layabout.
Aladdin: But I have her veil. It will remind me of her.
Ameera: What – all wet and soppy?
Aladdin: No. Anyway, it will soon dry out.
Twankey: (Shouting from offstage.) Aladdin!! Aladdin!!
Aladdin: I think it’s time for me to be somewhere else. (Exit.)
(Enter Widow Twankey with the old lamp. She is not in a good mood.)
Twankey: Aladdin!! Where is that boy? I have found this disgusting old object where my lovely
IKEA Smagbro lamp was. What’s going on?
Ameera: It was Aladdin. He swapped it. That’s an antique. It has character. It has charm.
Twankey: It has a strange smell about it too. It’s awful and it’s worthless.
Ameera: It looks like the sort you rub to get a genie out of.
Twankey: You read too many far-fetched stories. It should be thrown away. (She throws it across
the stage.) Perhaps a beanstalk will grow out of it. I know you’re hiding somewhere, Aladdin.
You’ll stay out of my way, if you know what’s good for you. And you, Ameera, still have laundry
work to attend to.
(Exit Twankey and Ameera.)
(Aladdin sneaks back on stage and picks up the lamp.)
Aladdin: Great. I’ve got a job, which I didn’t want. Well, not this job anyway. My darling
Princess Yasmin is to marry the Vizier’s idiot son and I will be forming part of the guard. That’s
just too cruel. And I’m in trouble with my mum for swapping her best IKEA lamp for this thing.
(He rubs it with Princess Yasmin’s veil.) It doesn’t even produce a genie. It can’t get any worse.

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(Enter Ameera with some washing.)
Ameera: Oh, yes, it can!
Aladdin: Oh, no, it can’t!
Ameera: (Leading the audience.) Oh, yes, it can!
Aladdin: Oh, no, it can’t!
Ameera: (Leading the audience.) Oh, yes, it can!
Aladdin: Did you have to start that? It lowers the whole tone. And how could it possibly be any
worse?
(Enter Genie. He does not quite walk. His movements are more of a loose-limbed lope.)

10. Night Fever (Genie Entrance music)

Genie: Did I hear you cats mention a genie?
Aladdin: (Looking around.) Yes, we did.
Genie: Look no further. No – like, here, man.
Ameera: You?
Genie: OK. So, cool. I see where you’re coming from.
Aladdin: It’s more where you’ve come from that’s worrying us.
Ameera: Surely genies come out of lamps. Rub-a-dub-dub, flash of smoke.
Genie: Get real, kid. Me in there? It don’t work that way any more. Anyway – claustrophobia,
health and safety and all that jive. OK, dudes, what’s the gig here?
(Enter Widow Twankey.)
Twankey: Oh, hello. Who’s your new friend?
Ameera: He’s a genie from a lamp.
Aladdin: I rubbed it – and there he was.
Twankey: Oh, you’re always having your little jokes, aren’t you? What a pair of cards you are.
(She pinches Aladdin’s cheek.)
Aladdin: Ow!
Twankey: I tell you, you’ve more chance of getting that beanstalk. Whatever next? You just get
my Smagbro back - do you here? Genie indeed? My goodness, gracious me. (She exits,
Chuckling.)
Ameera: I don’t think she believed us.
Genie: That’s cool. Low profile and all that. Get the gig done and split. That’s how it’s done.
You don’t tell everybody you’ve got a genie, or they’ll all want one.
Aladdin: I can imagine.

11. Genie – Rhythm of Life

Genie: So – right – three wishes. Let’s go, man.
Aladdin: Three?
Genie: Yeah, three. Like, one-two-three. That’s the way it is. I just snap my fingers. Now, you
are troubled. I can tell. Screwed up.
Aladdin: Not quite.
Ameera: Woman trouble.
Genie: Oh, yeah. This Princess Yasmin – cool chick, uh? And she’s, like, tying the knot with
the other guy. The Vizier’s kid – Flagpole?
Ameera: Leopold.
Genie: Close enough.
Aladdin: Can’t you make the Princess Yasmin fall in love with me?
Genie: She already is in love with you.

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Aladdin: How do you know?
Genie: Come on – I’m a genie! Extra sensory powers and stuff. But her mum and dad aren’t
gonna let her hook up with some low-rent no-hoper like you, are they? You’re gonna have to get in
good with them somehow.
Ameera: How?
Genie: Like, being a hero. That sends out the right vibes. Slay a dragon. Dragons are good.
Well, slaying one is. Except for the dragon.
Aladdin: No – that’s cruel.
Genie: OK, so chill. It was just an idea. Anyway, they’re your wishes. You know what they say
– Your wish is my command – but don’t get carried away with that one.

(He retreats to rear of stage and assumes thinking position. Ameera takes the lamp back into the
laundry and then comes to doorway to see what is happening.)

4. Imperial Army Drumbeat

(Drumbeat signalling impending entry of Imperial Army. Sergeant enters to side of stage.)
Sergeant: Forward march!
(Army now run onto stage in simulated marching band fashion. High knee action and, of course,
singing. Their repertoire can be amended each time they appear. They come to a slightly more
disciplined halt than on their last appearance.)
Sergeant: Stand to attention for their Imperial Majesties, the Emperor and Empress.

5. Royal Trumpets
(Emperor and Empress, accompanied by Grand Vizier and handmaidens, enter to the strains of
suitably stately music.)
Emperor: Good day to you, my Imperial and ever-so-humble subjects. And a fine day it is for
today we plan the wedding of our dear daughter, the Princess Yasmin. She is to marry… er, what
the fella’s name?
Vizier: It is my son, Leopold, your Imperial Wonderfulness. And he is a jolly fine fellow.
Empress: So you keep telling us, Lord Vizier. Now, as the bride’s mother, I am of course in charge
of everything. Is that not correct, dear?
Emperor: As ever, sweetie-pie, as ever.
Empress: Now, let me have a look at the guest list.
(A handmaiden comes forward with an incredibly long piece of paper which, when unrolled,
covers most of the stage. The Empress, Emperor and Vizier peruse it.)
Emperor: My dear, speaking as the one who has to pay for all this, we appear to have the entire
population of the entire city on here along with a whole bunch of foreign royals who I have never
heard of.
Empress: It is the wedding of an imperial princess. How often do you expect her to get married?
Emperor: Just the once, at these prices.
Empress: Exactly. Marrying once is quite enough for anybody, isn’t it dear?
Emperor: Possibly more than enough.
Vizier: I’m sorry, but I don’t appear to be on this list.
Emperor: I told you he’d notice.
Empress: Obviously an oversight. I’m sure we’ll fit you on somewhere. And your good lady of
course.
Vizier: Leopold’s mother will not be attending.
Emperor: (Pulling Empress to one side.) She ran away with the milkman.
Empress: I’m not surprised.
Emperor: We’ve got a milkman, haven’t we?

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Empress: Don’t get smart. It doesn’t suit you. Now – arrangements. We need to work out where
everyone will stand while the Imperial Artist does a quick sketch of the wedding party. The gifts
will be back there. And the bride and groom’s parents will be here. Like that. (She arranges the
Emperor and the Vizier.) I will be there. Soldiers over there somewhere. And the bride.
Yasmin!
(Enter Yasmin, looking even more unhappy than she did on her last appearance.)
Empress: Stop snivelling, girl – and don’t shuffle. This is to be the happiest day of your life.
Yasmin: Yes, mother.
Empress: Now, you are the bride, so you are here next to …?
Vizier: Leopold.
Emperor: She knows what his name is. He doesn’t seem to be here.
Vizier: He is out on Vizierial business. Probably being cruel to poor people.
Emperor: Can’t have a wedding rehearsal without a groom. We need a stand-in.
(He notices Aladdin hanging about by the side of the stage.)
Emperor: You, boy. Yes, you – the one hanging about over there.
Vizier: He is a lowly soldier.
Emperor: Well, if he’s a soldier, he should be able to stand upright. Come over here and stand next
to the Princess Yasmin.
Aladdin: Me?
Emperor: Yes, you. You can be the Princess’s groom for the moment.
(Aladdin stands next to Yasmin. He is beaming. They hold hands.)
Empress: Why is he smiling like that?
Vizier: He is a little simple-minded.
Emperor: Even so, they make quite a handsome couple.
Empress: Well, he certainly looks better than the one she is marrying.
Vizier: But he is from peasant stock. My Leopold is a nobleman.
Empress: Oh, I suppose so. You can let go of her hand now, boy.
(No response from Aladdin who continues to stare dreamily into Yasmin’s eyes.)
Empress: Hand! Let go!
Emperor: Simple-minded and deaf.
(Aladdin has now let go of Yasmin’s hand.)
Sergeant: Back to your position, lad.
(Aladdin reluctantly slouches back to the door of the laundry.)
Empress: I think that’s about everything.
Yasmin: Mother – suddenly I feel unwell. I feel faint.
(Handmaidens rush forward.)

12. What’s Wrong With Being Confident (Yasmin &

Singers)

Emperor: It must be the heat, and the excitement.

Yasmin: I feel that I am falling into a deep sleep.
(She collapses into the arms of the handmaidens. The Empress rushes over to her.)
Empress: What has happened to my dear Yasmin? She has indeed fallen into a deep sleep.
Emperor: Summon the Imperial Doctor immediately.
(Doctor is summoned by a row of soldiers shouting ‘Call for the Doctor!’ in succession while the
handmaidens make Yasmin comfortable.)
(Aladdin goes to Genie.)
Aladdin: Do you see that? The Princess is ill. Make her better.
Genie: Is that one of your wishes?
Aladdin: Yes, of course it is. Snap your fingers.

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Genie: That would be two.
Aladdin: Two?!
Genie: Yes. Like, wish number two. Number one was making her go to sleep in the first place.
Aladdin: I didn’t ask for that one.
Genie: No, but you were being kinda dopey. I thought I’d give you a start.
Aladdin: Fine. Now, wake her up.
Genie: No, you’re gonna do that and be a hero. But not yet. Give ‘em time to get really
depressed about it and then - Hey Presto! You are the main man and flavour of the month on a
permanent basis. Until then, just hang loose.
(Soldiers indicate arrival of doctor by shouting ‘The Doctor is here!’ in succession.)
(Doctor bustles onto stage.)
Doctor: What appears to be the problem?
Empress: The Princess Yasmin seems to have fallen into a deep sleep.
(Doctor examines, taking pulse, testing wind direction etc.)
Doctor: My word, that’s a deep one. She’s well away. It’s not uncommon among fairytale
princesses. I’m sure we can get her out of it.
Emperor: What has caused it?
Doctor: Hard to say. She could have eaten a poisoned apple. Or pricked her finger on a dodgy
needle. Do we have any evil witches round here?
Emperor: Certainly not. What kind of country do you think I run?
Empress: Is there a cure to bring her back from her slumber?
Doctor: I’ll have a look. (Consults his medical reference book.) Ah yes. A kiss from a
handsome prince usually does the trick.
Emperor: We haven’t got one.
(Enter Leopold, the Vizier’s son.)
Leopold: But you have – well, near enough. Me! Is it true about my beloved Yasmin? It is. See
how she lies, so cold and still. She is surely close to death.
Vizier: But if the physician is right, a single kiss…
Leopold: Or possibly two or three.
Vizier: Two or three would certainly wake her. Go to it, my boy.
(Leopold prepares by liberal use of mouthwash and breath freshener.)
Leopold: I am noted for my kissing. It is simply a matter of the correct level of pucker. (He
demonstrates.) Now, would any of you handmaidens care to… ?
(The handmaidens shy away, forming a protective cordon around Princess Yasmin.)
Leopold: Ah well, your loss.
Maiden 1: Wait – Princess Yasmin is trying to speak. It is but a faint whisper.
(Doctor goes over.)
Doctor: Yes, she is saying something. Let me write it down.
Emperor: We must all be brave.
Leopold: Have no fear, your Imperial Worthiness, you can rely on me.
Emperor: We must all be very brave.
Empress: What does our darling daughter say? Is it a last message before she slips peacefully
away?
Leopold: Is it for me, the love of her life?
Doctor: Hardly. She says – ‘Dear Mummy and Daddy, if that man attempts to kiss me, have him
executed.’
Vizier: The poor child is delirious. She does not know what she is saying.
Doctor: We must leave her now. There is nothing to be done.
Emperor: She cannot be left here.
Doctor: I feel that it would be dangerous to move her. It is a delicate condition.
Emperor: Very well. Make her comfortable. And we need guards.
Sergeant: That would be tricky as my lads have a singing practice coming up. He’ll guard her.
He’s new.
Ameera: And he’s been practising.
Sergeant: Good. You can help him if you want.

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Emperor: Now, we shall return to the Palace. As the doctor says, there is nothing we can do.
(All exit, leaving Aladdin and Ameera with the sleeping Princess Yasmin.)

5. Royal Trumpets

13. GhostBusters & Ghost Behind You

* GHOST GAG
Twankey: What’s all this kerfuffle about? Oooo who is she and why is she asleep on the street?
(Looks at Vizier - hair flicking.) Who is that bit of totty.
Aladdin: That’s vizor and he’s a right … lovely, decent bloke.
Twankey: Allow me to introduce myself, (lots of courtesy - hand out) I’m Widow Twankey.
Vizier: Err nice to meet you.
Ameera: That’s princess Yasmin and he’s meant to be guarding her.
Aladdin: Ohhh hasn’t it got dark all of a sudden. (Looks around puzzled.) I said ‘hasn’t it got
dark all of a sudden’ — oooooo
Genie: And isn’t it lovely and convenient that there is a bench to sit on.
Ameera: Isn’t it dark and scary
Aladdin: My old teacher said that you should sing songs when you’re scared.
Vizier: So what song shall we sing? (Asks audience …) Audience help us?!
Twankey: Ohh how about Ghost Busters?
ALL: Chatter about that between yourselves.
Aladdin: Audience, you will help us wont you? If you see any ghosts you will tell us wont
you? Let’s have a practice.
That wasn’t quite loud enough, let’s go again a bit louder.
Great - fantastic!
(Ghosts enter)

Vizier: ‘Sorry you said you would like some toast?

Ameera: No they said they have some post!
Aladdin: No they said ghost!
(All Quiver)
All: Did it go that way …
There was no ghost, oh no …
Well we’re have to sing it again then …
Vizier: ‘You’d like to visit the coast?
Genie: ‘They like me the most’
Aladdin: No they said ghost!
(All Quiver)
All: Did it go that way …
There was no ghost, oh no …
Well we’re have to sing it again then …
Genie: ’Well I don’t mean to boast’
Twankey: ‘You’d like a roast?’
Aladdin: No they said ghost!
(All Quiver)
All: Did it go that way …
There was no ghost, oh no …
Well we’re have to sing it again then …
Twankey: ‘There was no ghost’ - (exaggerated shaking)
Slow down Ghost Busters - slowly look to the L and to the R and they react, scared.

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Twankey: ‘CHEEKY’

Black Out
Aladdin: Well, I suppose she’ll be safe enough here for a few minutes.
Ameera: And we could be guarding her for a hundred years.
Aladdin: Right. Let’s go and get a biscuit.
(Exit Aladdin and Ameera.)

Black Out
Scene Three
(Enter Trader.)
Trader: Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new!
(Enter Widow Twankey with magic lamp.)
Twankey: Where’s my lamp? Where’s my Smagbro?
Trader: It’s still on here. You can have it back. Nobody else wants it.
Twankey: Well, I want it. Here, you can take this tatty old thing.
(Gives her the magic lamp back.)
Twankey: That’s better. Now, clear off and take your tatty junk with you.
(Exit Trader grumbling. Widow Twankey goes back into the laundry.)
(Enter Aladdin and Ameera.)
Aladdin: Is she still out?
Ameera: Well out.
Aladdin: Right, she needs to be woken up and I need to be a hero. Where’s that genie? It’s about
time he earned his keep.
Ameera: Well, where’s that lamp? All we have to do it rub it. I put it down by the doorway. Has
somebody moved it?
(They look around the stage.)
Aladdin: I’m sure it was around here somewhere.
(Enter Widow Twankey with IKEA lamp.)
Twankey: It’s alright. You’re not in trouble any more. I’ve got my Smagbro back.
Aladdin: Where’s the other one?
Twankey: Oh, I don’t know. It could be anywhere now. I gave it back to that awful trader person
with the barrow.
(Aladdin’s panic is cut short by the melodic arrival of the Sergeant and the Imperial Guard.
Enter Emperor and Empress.)

4. Imperial Army Drumbeat into …

5. Royal Trumpets
Emperor: We have an announcement to make. The wedding will proceed as planned. We have
spent far too much to call it off now.
Aladdin: But what about the bride, your Emperorship?
Empress: Oh, she will wake up. Perhaps in a hundred years. But she will look just as she is now.
Of course her husband will be a hundred years older. Let’s just hope that she likes older men.
Emperor: Bring in the presents.

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(The handmaidens and some soldiers bring in boxes of wedding presents which are arranged
behind and around the Princess.)
Empress: Just perfect – apart from a few small problems. I’m sure we’ll all have a wonderful day.
Come along. We have lots more to do.
(All exit, except Aladdin and Ameera.)
Aladdin: Do you remember the last time that I said that it couldn’t get any worse but it did? Well,
it’s even worse now than it was then.
Ameera: That lamp trader could be miles away by now. Everybody kept telling her to clear off.
She probably has done.
Trader: (Offstage.) Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new!
(Aladdin and Ameera rush offstage. There is the sound of a great deal of crashing and banging
before the lamp trader is dragged onto stage.)
Trader: Don’t hit me. You wouldn’t hit an old lady.
Aladdin: Yes, we would. Where’s that lamp?
Trader: I haven’t got it.
(Aladdin stifles a scream.)
Trader: I sold it.
Ameera: Who to?
Aladdin: Yes, whose taste is that bad?
Trader: I sold it to the Emperor.
Ameera: What would the Emperor want a thing like that for?
Trader: I told you before. It’s a top quality antique. That’s where you are with Royalty. They
know about these things. He thought that it would make a fine wedding present for The Princess
Yasmin, not that she’ll be needing it.
Can I go now?
Aladdin: Yes, or I’ll tell my mum you’ve come back.
Trader: You won’t be seeing any more of me, then. Old lamps for new! Old lamps for new!
(She exits.)
(Aladdin and Ameera consider the options. It does not take long.)
Ameera: You can’t go around opening other people’s wedding presents.
Aladdin: You can if you want the bride to wake up and you don’t want the wedding to go ahead
anyway. Open those boxes. Let’s find that Genie.
(They attack the piles of boxes. Lifting, shaking, discarding etc.)
(Enter Grand Vizier and Leopold.)
Vizier: What are you two doing?
(Aladdin and Ameera try to look innocent, sitting on boxes, hiding them behind their backs etc.)
Aladdin: We’re just making sure that everything is nice and tidy.
Ameera: Wedding presents have to be arranged just right. We are only trying to help.
Vizier: Very good.
Leopold: I only hope that my dear Yasmin appreciates it. I see that she is getting weaker and
weaker.
Vizier: Then there is no time to lose. Come along, Leopold. You two – carry on tidying.
(Exit Vizier and Leopold. Aladdin and Ameera continue to delve through the boxes with renewed
vigour. At one point Ameera finds a box which looks suitable.)
Ameera: I think this is it.
Aladdin: Drop it.
(She does so. There is the crash of crockery.)
Aladdin: No, it isn’t. Carry on.
(Almost immediately Aladdin finds the lamp and holds it up triumphantly.)
Aladdin: I’ve got it.
(Enter Emperor and Empress accompanied by Sergeant.)
Emperor: What on earth is going on?
Ameera: Security check.
Aladdin: Yes, we heard some ticking coming from one of these boxes. It might have been a bomb.
Emperor: (Hiding behind Empress.) And was it?

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Aladdin: No, it was just a clock, but you can’t be too careful.
Emperor: Very commendable attitude. I like this boy. Good quality recruit.
Sergeant: Oh, he’ll go far in the Imperial Army – just as soon as he learns to sing.
(The Empress sees that Aladdin has the magic lamp.)
Empress: And what are you doing with that?
Ameera: It fell out of its box by accident.
Aladdin: We thought that it just needed buffing up a bit.
Ameera: It looked a bit dull. And everything has to be at its very best for Princess Yasmin’s
wedding.
Empress: Absolutely right. But be careful with it. It is an antique of the highest quality. You don’t
get those in IKEA.
Emperor: Well, everything seems to be under control.
Aladdin: No need to worry, your Imperial Wonderfulnesses. We’ll have all these presents sorted
out in no time at all.
Empress: Good – for the wedding is about to begin. Come along, dear.
Emperor: Carry on, chaps.
(Exit Emperor and Empress.)
Sergeant: You heard him. Carry on – but don’t nick anything. (Exit.)
Ameera: Right better get rubbing.
(Aladdin rubs lamp.)
Aladdin: For heaven’s sake, where is he?
(Enter Genie.)

10. Night Fever (Genie Entrance music)

Genie: Did you guys call?
Aladdin: Where on earth have you been?
Genie: I have not been on earth. I’m a Genie. But spiritually I have been in a box. And I didn’t
expect to have to wait so long.
Ameera: You said leave it. You said ‘Chill’.
Genie: Like, there’s chill which is yay long. And there’s freezing over, which how long you left
me for.
Aladdin: Well, you’re here now so get on with it.
Genie: Right on. (There is along pause as if all of the Genie’s limited mental faculties have
deserted him.) So, what’s the deal, man? Just run it past me once more.
Aladdin: You put the Princess Yasmin into a deep sleep so that I could wake her up again, thus
becoming a hero and claiming her hand in marriage.
Genie: Hey, that’s cool. Great idea. Am I a genie – or a genius?
Ameera: Just get on with it.
Genie: Hang loose, man. I’ll tell you when.

5. Royal Trumpets (Soldiers Sing)

(There is a great commotion as the rest of the cast, led by the singing soldiers and backed up by
the Lamp Trader, possibly on the hunt for unwanted wedding presents, assembles on stage for
the wedding. The Doctor solemnly examines the Princess Yasmin.)
Doctor: I believe that she is getting weaker. Perhaps she will sleep for two hundred years.
Empress: Is there nothing that can be done?
Doctor: I’m afraid not. I have consulted the wisest physicians and professors in the land and even
the odd wizard – and, believe me, there are some very odd wizards. There is no known cure. It
would take a miracle.
Genie: (To Aladdin.) That’s your cue, kiddo. Take it from the top

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(Aladdin pushes his way forward.)
Aladdin: I shall cure the Princess. I shall wake her from her slumbers.
Emperor: You? You are just a guard.
Vizier: And, if I remember correctly, the son of the laundry-woman, Widow Twankey.
Leopold: Definitely one of the lower orders.

Twankey: HOW RUDE? But Mr Vizier you can change that?

14. All The Single Ladies (Singers)

Empress: If you can bring our daughter back, then you can have anything you ask for.
Aladdin: How about the Princess’s hand in marriage?
Leopold: But she is betrothed to me.
Emperor: Yes, Leopold, but you are a bit of a nincompoop. Let the young fellow try.
(Aladdin realises that he has no idea what to do and rushes back to the Genie.)
Genie: Are you still here, man? Like, let’s see some action.
Aladdin: What do I do? I haven’t performed many miracles before.
Genie: No? It’s cool, man. Just lay the old fingers on the forehead.
(Aladdin puts his fingers to his forehead.)
Genie: No, dummy, her forehead. Then mutter something mystical. Make it up. Leave the rest
to me.
(Aladdin goes to the Princess.)
Aladdin: My magic hands do lay across your fevered brow,
And pull you from your slumbers – now.
(Nothing happens. There is some unease.)
Aladdin: Alacazam, alacazoy, you’re wide awake –
And jumping for joy.
(Nothing happens. There is more unease.)
(Aladdin finally shouts across to the Genie.)
Aladdin: Oi!!!
Genie: Okay, cool it, man. Just revving up a little bit of dramatic tension. Go for it. (He snaps
his fingers.)
Aladdin: Open your eyes and you will see
The face of your true love – that’s me!
(The assembled crowd gasp and Yasmin begins to move.)
Doctor: Good heavens, he’s done it. The Princess Yasmin awakes.
(Yasmin stands unsteadily. Aladdin leads her forward.)
Yasmin: Where have I been?
Emperor: You have been unwell, my dear.
Empress: But now you have recovered – thanks to this fine young man.
Emperor: Who we will be pleased to welcome into the Imperial household as a prince and your
bridegroom.
Yasmin: Oh, how happy that would make me.
Leopold: It wouldn’t make me happy.
Vizier: Yes, what about my son?
Empress: I am afraid, Leopold, that the Emperor is right. You are a nincompoop. Always have
been, always will be.
Emperor: There are other fish in the sea, Leopold.
Leopold: I don’t want to marry a fish.
Yasmin: Well, you aren’t marrying me.
Empress: I am sure that you will find somebody to marry, Leopold. Somebody desperate, of
course, and possibly short-sighted.

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 Leopold: No - I shall fight this fellow for her. (He draws his sword.) An imperial prince should
be an expert swordsman, don’t you think? I may be a nincompoop but I have had fencing lessons. I
will slice you to pieces. En garde!!
Yasmin: Oh, how romantic, two men fighting over little me. (To Aladdin.) Just make sure that
you win.
Ameera: Come in, Aladdin! Sort him out! You can do it!
Aladdin: Well er… certainly. I’ll just have to take a time out. Excuse me while I kill my little
sister.
(He makes his way back to the Genie and Ameera while Leopold practises his thrust and parry.)
Aladdin: I haven’t held a sword in my life. I haven’t even got a sword.
(Ameera presents him with one.)
Genie: You’ve got one now, man, and you know how to use it.
(The Genie snaps his fingers and the sword seems to take on a life of its own, allowing Aladdin to
dance nimbly about the stage executing an impressive display of swordsmanship. After a nimble
reverse spin he flicks Leopold’s sword out of his hand and fixes his own sword tip at Leopold’s
throat.)

15. Spell Theme

(More ambitiously choreographed productions might extend this sequence into more of an actual
swordfight.)
Leopold: On the other hand, being a single man might allow me more time to practice my
Viziering skills. What do you think of that, father?
Vizier: I think you’re a nincompoop too.
Emperor: Well, I’m glad we all agree on something.
Empress: Absolutely.

Twankey: Well now everyone’s loved up, how about it?

16. Take A Chance on Me (Twankey, Vizier &

Singers)
Empress: All’s well that ends well. Now that Yasmin has recovered, I think we should all go back to
the Palace and carry out the wedding properly. Come along, everybody.
(Emperor, Empress, Doctor, Vizier, Leopold exit.)
Sergeant: Right, lads, let’s get moving. And try and keep in the same key this time.
(Exit Sergeant and Army singing.)
Trader: I don’t suppose anybody wants any lamps?
Everybody: No! Get off!
(Exit Trader.)
Twankey: May I call you Yasmin, Princess Yasmin?
Yasmin: Certainly.
Twankey: Well, if I’m to be your new mother-in-law, do you suppose I could get the laundry
contract for the Imperial Palace?
Yasmin: I’ll have a word with Daddy.

(Aladdin and Genie move to centre of stage.)

Genie: That was awesome, man, truly awesome. And you’ve got the chick. Like, so cool.
Aladdin: I couldn’t have done it without you.
Genie: Thanks, bro, but that’s kind of obvious. Nice of you to say so. Yeah – respect.

© 2005 by Geoff Bamber: Page 17:[Link]

17. Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Genie, Aladdin
& Yasmin & Singers (Cast)
Genie: You know that three wishes stuff? Perhaps I should have told him we had a special on
this week. Four for the price of three. Right now I have one left.
Shame to let it go to waste, huh? So I Wish You All a Very Merry Christmas & a Happy New
Year

18. We Wish You a Merry Christmas – Everyone

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