Learning to deal with conflict:

Changing our Perceptions

Rabbi Avi Stewart, Jewish Study Network
I. Introduction: Who am I? What are we going to be
doing this evening?

What is this a picture of?

II. Perspectives:

Please read and write down on the back the first thoughts
that come to mind regarding this story. Write down your
perspective.

Story 1:

People were sitting quietly, some reading newspapers, some

lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a
calm, peaceful scene.
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway
car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that
instantly the whole climate changed. The man sat down next

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 Learning to deal with conflict:
Changing our Perceptions
Rabbi Avi Stewart, Jewish Study Network
to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the
situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing
things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very
disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

Story 2:

Waiting in a long line at the grocery store, he sighed and

tried to gauge the amount of time left before it would be his
turn. Suddenly, he felt the cart behind him jam into his back.
Taking a couple steps forward, he shook his head inwardly at
the carelessness. Several moments later, he felt another
jab. This one hurt. Trying to move out of harm's way, he
shifted to the right and glanced at this watch. And once
again, the cart behind him was pushed forward, slamming
his back and legs. This was too much.

III. Philosophical basis of these classes is the axiom

that:

Life: the way we experience it determines our reality.

The way we perceive our life and the things that we
experience in the world around us is the way we
think reality exists. This is limited, by definition, to
our personal and limited perspectives.

Challenge: My Self-perception, perceptions of G-d,

and perceptions of others is limited to my eyes. My
perspective. My eyes. My vision.

Solution: By increasing self awareness and learning

more about myself - I can better understand my
perspective. By increasing awareness of others and

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 Learning to deal with conflict:
Changing our Perceptions
Rabbi Avi Stewart, Jewish Study Network
learning more about others – I can better understand
their perspectives.

IV. Book exercise – colored glasses

V. Dove video see
VI. Lighting - Guide for the Perplexed, by Moses Maimonidies

VII. Judging Others:

a. Ethics of our Fathers: 2:5

Hillel would say… Do not judge ‫אל תדין את חברך עד‬

your fellow until you have stood ‫שתגיע למקומו‬
in his place.

b. 3 stories:
1. The nurse’s earing
2. Babysitting for the Feast of Jewish Learning
3 . Bar Mitzvah Photographer ‫ – את כ ל הא דם‬the entire
person.

VIII. “I’ll be over soon…”

IX. Getting lost: Street Map metaphor - 3 possible solutions:

Define empathy; Judging negatively.

X. Subjectivity: Bull’s-eye metaphor

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 Learning to deal with conflict:
Changing our Perceptions
Rabbi Avi Stewart, Jewish Study Network

XI. The Art of Listening:

a . Learning to Listen: The Odd Couple

b. Building the Mishkan [Tabernacle]

‫ת למ וד בב לי מ סכ ת ב רכ ות דף נה עמ וד א‬

R. Samuel b. Nahmani said in ‫אמר רבי שמואל בר נחמני אמר רבי‬

the name of R. Johanan:
Bezalel was so called on
.‫ בצלאל על שם חכמתו נקרא‬:‫יונתן‬
account of his wisdom. At the
‫בש עה ש אמר לו הק דוש ב רוך‬
time when the Holy One, ‫ לך אמור לו‬:‫הוא למ שה‬
blessed be He, said to Moses; ‫לב צלאל עשה לי מש כן א רון‬
Go and tell Bezalel to make ‫ ואמר‬,‫ ה לך משה ו הפך‬,‫וכ לים‬
me a tabernacle, an ark and .‫ עשה אר ון ו כלים ומ שכן‬:‫לו‬
vessels, Moses went and ‫ מנ הגו‬,‫ משה ר בינו‬:‫אמר לו‬
reversed the order, saying, ‫ א דם בונה ב ית‬- ‫של ע ולם‬
Make an ark and vessels and ,‫וא חר כך מ כניס ל תוכו כ לים‬
a tabernacle. Bezalel said to ‫ עשה לי אר ון‬:‫וא תה אומ ר‬
him: Moses, our Teacher, as a
rule a man first builds a
‫וכ לים ו מש כן! כ לים שא ני‬
house and then brings ‫ להי כן אכ ניסם? ש מא‬- ‫עו שה‬
vessels into it; but you say, :‫כך א מר לך ה קדוש ברוך ה וא‬
Make me an ark and vessels ‫ א מר‬.‫עשה מש כן א רון וכ לים‬
and a tabernacle. Where shall ‫ ש מא ב צל אל ה יית‬:‫לו‬
I put the vessels that I am to !‫ויד עת‬
make? Can it be that the Holy
One, blessed be He, said to
you, Make a tabernacle, an
ark and vessels? Moses
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 Learning to deal with conflict:
Changing our Perceptions
Rabbi Avi Stewart, Jewish Study Network
replied: Perhaps you were in
the shadow of God and knew!

XII. Married Couples:

The Angry Couple – Susan and Richard

XIII. Workshop Exercises

Spectrum of Questions and their Values

a . Yes/No Q’s = low value
b. One factoid = slightly higher value\
c. Rich open Q’s = very high value

Starters for open ended questions:

W I D T H
Descri
be for
What

me…

How

How
Tell
me
If

W HAT
I F
D ESCRIBE FOR
ME
T ELL ME
H OW
Probing Triangle [What, which and why?]

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