Te Good Opera Guide
Act II Sc 2 The garden of the harem
God how I hate this job says Cornelia. You only have to say the word says lecherous Achillasand I’ll let you go free. Faugh! says Cornelia and runs for it but Ptolemy interposes. Lemmego shrieks Cornelia. Did you make it with her Achillas old boy? asks Ptolemy. No but I’ve got
everything xed for Caesar’s exit says Achillas behind his hand to Ptolemy and exits. If you
don’t fancy Achillas says Ptolemy to Cornelia how about me? I’m a king. And I’m a Roman woman says Cornelia, faugh! and exits. Pity she won’t go quietly. I shall have to rape her whata nuisance says Ptolemy. Exits.Cornelia re-enters. Am I fed up with these sex-mad Egyptians she says I think I’ll end it all.She prepares to jump into a conveniently adjacent cageful of lions. Stop stop shouts Sextusrunning on: I’ve come to rescue you Mummy. Enter Nirenus. Ptolemy wants you in his bedroomline-up with the other girls on duty tonight says he but don’t worry we’ll all three go along thereand wait until Ptolemy has his trousers down then Sextus here can stab him to death and nosweat. Good idea says Cornelia. I’ll make a good stab at it says Sextus.
Act II Sc 3 Cleopatra’s garden
I guess I’ll pretend to be asleep when Caesar comes says Cleopatra. He comes. There’s Lydiaasleep he says: I’d like her to be my wife one day. Accepted says Cleopatra promptly waking up.Thanks. Steady: Cleopatra might not like it says Caesar. Curius runs in: you’ve been betrayedagain Caesar Ptolemy’s on your trail. Don’t go Caesar says Cleopatra. By the way I am not LydiaI’m Cleopatra. Gracious me says Caesar. I’ll see off any traitors that come after you she saysstrolling to the wings. I’m Queen you know. Oh no! My God! There are millions of Ptolemy’smen. Run Caesar! Run! I’ll stand my ground says Caesar and runs off. Sounds of mayhem. Ihope he’s OK says Cleopatra.
Act II Sc 4 A room in the harem
Ptolemy is lining up the girls for the night shift including Cornelia. You’ve drawn the shortstraw Cornelia he says: you open the batting. No she don’t! shouts Sextus jumping in. But Achillas jumps on Sextus and takes his sword. I got news for you boss he says: Caesar gaveus the slip but he jumped off the pier and drowned. Also Curius. Cleopatra’s now musteringCaesar’s troops to march against us. Now can I have a nice time with Cornelia please? No youcan’t you randy dog says Ptolemy. I’m off to defeat Cleopatra. Will be back shortly. Well I madea fair bugger of that says Sextus, I think I’ll kill myself. No don’t says Cornelia: follow afterPtolemy and strike him down. Go on. All right I bloody well will says Sextus.
Act III Sc 1 A harbour near Alexandria
Achillas comes on with men at his back. I’m on Cleopatra’s side now and we’ll x that bastard
Ptolemy well and good he says. Exits. A musical battle rages offstage. Enter Ptolemy. I’ve won
he says: those rst violins did a splendid job and you’re my prisoner now young Cleopatra so
there. Things sure are pretty bad says Cleopatra, Caesar dead, me a prisoner, Cornelia and
Sextus a busted ush, but even when I am dead I’ll still go after that terrible Ptolemy and haunt
the wits out of him. Exits under armed guard.