The Love Map

Exercises from The Relationship Cure and The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work b !ohn "ottmann

Exercise 1: Create a Love Map for People Close to You

#ns$er the follo$ing %uestions about someone $ho is close to ou or about someone $ith $hom ou $ould like to be closer& 'ou can do this exercise alone or $ith a partner or friend& (f ou are doing this exercise $ith another person) circle an %uestions ou can*t ans$er and then discuss them $hen ou*re both done& Remember this is not a competition+ ,& .& /& 0& 1& 2& 3& 5& 6& ,7& ,,& ,.& ,/& ,0& ,1& ,2& ,3& ,5& ,6& .7& .,& ..& ./& .0& .1& .2& .3& .5& .6& /7& /,& /.& //& /0& /1& /2& /3& /5& /6& 07& 0,& Favorite mealSpecial hobbies and interestsT$o closest friendsWorst enem or rivalT$o people most admiredFavorite movieFavorite T4 sho$sFavorite kind of animal(deal vacation destinationFavorite sports to $atch and follo$First things this person $ould bu if he or she $on the lotter 8ne thing this person $ould like to change about ou8ne thing ou could do to improve our relationship $ith this personFavorite t pes of clothes to $ear9east favorite relativeFavorite relativeFavorite holida 9east favorite holida (deal :obFavorite $a to spend evenings at homeFavorite kinds of booksFavorite musical group) composer or instrumentFavorite $a s to spend $eekendsToughest problem this person has facedFavorite restaurantsFavorite maga;inePlaces or events this person $ould find most uncomfortableMost comforting pastime $hen sickSaddest life eventWorst life event<appiest life eventFavorite $a to exercise(deal birthda presentT$o $orst fears or disaster scenarios=est recent da Worst recent da T$o things that make this person ver angr Current stresses or $orries=est parts of this person*s current :ob or school lifeWorst parts of this person*s current :ob or school lifeFavorite $a to spend time $ith friends-

>imber >aiser) MFT

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The Love Map

0.& 0/& 00& 01& 02& 03& 05& 06& 17& Favorite $a to get over being sad=est vacation this person ever hadFavorite $a to get our attentionT$o reasons this person is proudest of himself or herself"ift this person $ould give to ou for our birthda Fondest unreali;ed dream#ctivit that makes this person feel most competentPersonal improvements this person $ants to make in his or her lifeSecret ambition-

Exercise 2: The Love Map 20-Questions Ga e

This is a game that can be used $ith a romantic partner or spouse& !tep 1: The t$o of ou randoml select .7 numbers bet$een , and 27 and $rite them on separate blank pieces of paper& The numbers are the same for both of ou& !tep 2: Match our numbers to the %uestions on the follo$ing list& Each ask the %uestion and decide if ans$ered correctl & (f correct) the person receives the indicated points and the other receives , point& (f ans$ered incorrectl ) neither receives points& The $inner is the person $ith the higher score after all .7 %uestions have been ans$ered& ,& .& /& 0& 1& 2& 3& 5& 6& ,7& ,,& ,.& ,/& ,0& ,1& ,2& ,3& ,5& ,6& .7& .,& ..& ./& .0& .1& .2& .3& .5& .6& Came m t$o closest friends& @.A What is m favorite musical group) composer) or instrumentD @.A What $as ( $earing $hen $e first metD @.A Came one of m hobbies& @/A Where $as ( bornD @,A What stresses am ( facing right no$D @0A Eescribe in detail $hat ( did toda ) or esterda D @0A When is m birthda D @,A What is the date of our anniversar D @,A Who is m favorite relativeD @.A What is m fondest unreali;ed dreamD @1A What is m favorite flo$erD @.A What is one of m greatest fears or disaster scenariosD @/A What is m favorite time of da for lovemakingD @/A What makes me feel most competentD @0A What turns me on sexuall D @/A What is m favorite mealD @.A What is m favorite $a to spend an eveningD @.A What is m favorite colorD @,A What personal improvements do ( $ant to make in m lifeD @0A What kind of present $ould ( like bestD @.A What $as one of m best childhood experiencesD @.A What $as m favorite vacationD @.A What is one of m favorite $a s to be soothedD @0A Who is m greatest source of support @other than ouAD @/A What is m favorite sportD @.A What do ( most like to do $ith time offD @.A What is one of m favorite $eekend activitiesD @.A What is m favorite geta$a placeD @/A

>imber >aiser) MFT

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The Love Map

/7& /,& /.& //& /0& /1& /2& /3& /5& /6& 07& 0,& 0.& 0/& 00& 01& 02& 03& 05& 06& 17& 1,& 1.& 1/& 10& 11& 12& 13& 15& 16& 27& What is m favorite movieD @.A What are some of the important events coming up in m lifeD <o$ do ( feel about themD @0A What are some of m favorite $a s to $ork outD @.A Who $as m best friend in childhoodD @/A What is one of m favorite maga;inesD @.A Came one of m ma:or rivals or FenemiesG& @/A What $ould ( consider m ideal :obD @0A What do ( fear the mostD @0A Who is m least favorite relativeD @/A What is m favorite holida D @.A What kinds of books do ( most like to readD @/A What is m favorite T4 sho$D @.A Which side of the bed do ( preferD @.A What am ( most sad aboutD @0A Came one of m concerns or $orries& @0A What medical problems do ( $orr aboutD @.A What $as m most embarrassing momentD @/A What $as m $orst childhood experienceD @/A Came t$o of the people ( most admire& @0A Came m ma:or rival or enem & @/A 8f all the people $e both kno$) $ho do ( like the leastD @/A What is one of m favorite dessertsD @.A What is m social securit numberD @.A Came one of m favorite novels& @.A What is m favorite restaurantD @.A What are t$o of m aspirations) hopes) and $ishesD @0A Eo ( have a secret ambitionD What is itD @0A What foods do ( hateD @.A What is m favorite animalD @.A What is m favorite songD @.A Which sports team is m favoriteD @.A

Exercise ": Ma#e Your $%n Love Maps

Take turns as listener and speaker and $rite out the ans$ers to these %uestions on a separate piece of paper& The cast of characters in & partner's life FriendsPotential friendsRivals) competitors) FenemiesG(ecent i portant events in & partner's life

)pco in* events-@What is m partner looking for$ard toD EreadingDA M& partner's current stresses M& partner's current %orries M& partner's hopes an+ aspirations ,for self- for others-.

>imber >aiser) MFT

kimberkaiser?sbcglobal&net

@6.1A 351B./27