Virgilbucks: A Revolutionary Cyber FutureCurrency That Will Revolutionize The World Of The Web Of Tomorrow

Virgil Texas virgil "dot" texas "at" gmail "dot" com www.twitter.com/virgiltexas Abstract. This is my proposal for a new digital/analog hybrid currency system that will allow instant digital transactions over cyberspace with no fees whatsoever while maintaining a physical representation (i.e., bills) to provide that same great feeling of holding classic paper money and coins. The currency is named "Virgilbucks" after me, Virgil Texas. It is way better than Bitcoin, Yen, gift cards, company scrip, and the various seashell-based monetary systems that have been tried and failed in the past. "There's got to be a better way!" Well now there is: Virgilbucks. Welcome to the future. Your welcome.

1. Introduction
Money has been important to economies since the dawn of man. But money has also been troublesome. How many great and mighty empires have fallen because of bad money? Ten? Twenty? Six would be too many, if you ask me. The main problems with money are as follows: 1. It's fiat. Fiat money is terrible. Why is the government always putting fiat in the money? As a single parent, I don't want my two precious angels Katniss and Napoleon Dynamite to be touching fiat. Do you? 2. You can't transfer money online easily. There are all sorts of fees, delays, Obamacare website -- the whole thing just makes people want to vomit. As a former AOL keyword moderator with over 20 years of social media experience I'm just the tech maverick to change that. 3. The only people on dollar bills are old white hetero cismales. I'm sure you'll agree that money as currently constituted is extremely problematic. 4. The FEd. Just end it. End the Fed dude. End it already. What can we do about this mess? Some have proposed giving away all your money and moving to the forest [1]. But this is a Band-Aid at best. I propose revolutionizing the paradigm by leaning in, crowdsourcing, and being dynamic.

2. Design Specifications
Using mindsourcing and arcane scrying techniques, I have managed to produce this prototype of the Virgilbuck monetary content management system:

Figure 1. Unu (One) Virgilbuck

As you can see, each Virgilbuck contains my signature, thus making it impossible to counterfeit. As an added security measure, each Virgilbuck will have a unique serial number determined by a series of interesting and revolutionary computational algorithms, the discussion of which is beyond the purview of this academic paper. For the logo, I have chosen a capital letter "V" with two horizontal lines through it. The "V" stands for "Virgil," which is my name, and the horizontal lines look pretty sharp, I think you'll agree. Each Virgilbuck will be printed on premium colored paper at Staples. I haven't decided on the color yet, but I'm leaning goldenrod, although mauve might be fetching. I estimate it will take an adult human male approximately five minutes to produce one Virgilbuck. Thus the currency is fully convertible with time, fulfilling Marx's prediction that in the future people will be able to buy immortality through investing their laborhours in a revolutionary cryptocurrency [2].

3. Technical Specifications
The revolutionary potential of Virgilbucks is embedded in its innovative system for making instant transfers online. Let's assume Alice in Athens, Georgia has a physical 20 Virgilbuck bill that she wants to transfer to Bob in Sarajevo. She would simply follow these steps:

1. Alice scans or takes a photograph of her physical Virgilbuck.

2. Alice destroys the physical Virgilbuck.

3. Alice now has a "jpeg" file of the Virgilbuck on her computer. She "emails" this photo to "Bob" using "AOL."

4. Alice deletes the jpeg file of the Virgilbuck.

5. Bob now has the digital "jpeg" of the Virgilbuck. He can simply print it out either on his home printer or at Staples.

6. With a pair of safety scissors, Bob carefully cuts out the Virgilbuck.

7. Bob deletes the jpeg from his compy. With a physical Virgilbuck in his wallet, he can now go get drunk. This is the easiest way to transfer money online ever invented. Forget blockchains and bullshit Ukrainian lotteries that ask for your banking information then never send you anything. This is the real deal. Welcome to the future. I'll be your waiter.

4. Economic Specifications
Virgilbucks will be insulated from both the inflationary policies of the Federal Reserve and the shocks caused by rampant speculation of traditional cybercurrencies. These is because I will personally set the price of each Virgilbuck. Virgilbucks will always be worth what I say they will be worth. For instance, let's say I were to set the price of one Virgilbuck at $5 American. Then you could send me $5 and I would send you one Virgilbuck. What's difficult about that? Nothing, that's what. I will post the value of Virgilbucks somewhere publicly. Twitter, probably. Or maybe I'll make a website. Just a place where I'll be like, "hey everyone, just a reminder, Virgilbucks are worth 2.1 Euros currently," so everyone will know that's what they're worth and can accordingly plan their finances around it. This takes away the traditional currency problem of not knowing how much money is worth. Because I will tell you what it's worth, so you won't have to guess.

5. Conclusion
It's been one crazy ride, but here we are. Virgilbucks are on the precipice of greatness. I anticipate that, should the Virgilbucks protocol be adopted, it will do no less than fundamentally transform society. I anticipate something resembling this timeline of events: January 1, 2014: The first Virgilbucks are printed at Staples. They are instantly transferred to a buyer in the Middle East, who uses this capital to found a halal fruit bouquet business. February 2014: The first private Virgilbuck exchanges are established. Spring 2014: Virgilbucks hit the mainstream media. Big write-ups across the tech blogosphere. Bill Simmons devotes 50,000 words to Virgilbucks' impact on the NBA offseason. Summer 2014: Trading volume of Virgilbucks surpasses that of Dogecoins. Nerdcore rappers begin throwing stacks of Virgilbucks in gaudy displays of exuberance. Autumn 2014: The first Virgilbuck millionaires appear. Novelty oversized Virgilbucks are minted to commemorate this. Limited edition, get yours now. December 31, 2014: Poverty ends?

2015: Governments try to regulate Virgilbucks but find it can't be regulated. Not in the rulebook. Major retailers slowly begin accepting it. Those Winklevoss dipshits get involved for some reason. 2016: Get around to making Virgilbuck website. Hopefully someone can set up a message board too, and a Pinterest. 2017: Baggy jeans come back in style. 2020: Baggy jeans go out of style. When will they return?

Who knows what else the future will hold? In the words of Satoshi Nakamoto, "I'm not Satoshi Nakamoto WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE." The time is now for a radical cryptocurrency that is truly what you need, when you need it. Will you join me in this great journey? Or will you wuss out? The choice is yours, mate. It's no skin off my back.

References
[1] A. Smith, An Inquiry into the Nature and Causes of the Wealth of Nations, pages 1719, my roommate Mike's copy. [2] K. Marx, Das Kapital, pages 59-68 plus somewhere in the back, available from your local radical freegan bookstore.