Some food for thought.

Will you savor it?

Will it cause you indigestion?
Will it not be to your taste?
Will you find it difficult to swallow?
Will you chew on it?

Question or challenge me on anything you see or hear.

but I ask you allow me to work through the material and for you reflect on thoughts and feelings and how
you are being in this process. Human Coaching Ltd
To do this you will need to learn something new. And that starts now!

You will however need to make these 4 assessments

• There is something to learn here. Declaring ignorance

• I am willing to learn.
• I can learn this.
• There is someone or thing I can learn from.

What might get in the way?

Human Coaching Ltd

‘Emotions’:

I don’t like this

Let’s wait and see
I am scared and will tread carefully

Your:
• preferences,
• prejudices
• current issues

determine what is possible for you?

Barriers:
• I know this stuff
• I cannot learn this stuff
• I have nothing to learn here

I am excited about what this can offer.

Human Coaching Ltd
 What can we know about?
What we say What we feel How we use our body

Language Emotions Body

We can not know the way the world is, only how we observe it. *

These three domains provide the platform for how you can intervene.

THE HUMAN OBSERVER

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 What can we observe about others?

What they say What they do

We can not know how others observe the world

and we can not know their interpretation
of their experience of the world. *

THE HUMAN OBSERVER

Human Coaching Ltd

 The key question is not whether
we are right or wrong in the way we see the world.

Rather a question of the effectiveness of our interpretations

in allowing us to generate effective action.

You can not focus on the way things are;

rather focus on an individual’s interpretations of the way things are.

WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT OBSERVERS

So forget right or wrong.

See your views as interpretations,

be in the space of judging whether
different interpretations might serve us
better.

Human Coaching Ltd

 THE LEGITIMATE OTHER

Accept that each individual lives in a world of interpretation,

and therefore each persons interpretations are legitimate.

How I observe the world is how I observe the world.

At this point in time, I cannot observe it in any other way.

“Legitimate Other”. This can be very testing for you.

You will always interact with people

who have different interpretations of the world to what you hold.

Sometimes these interpretations are markedly different.

Human Coaching Ltd
 So what are actions?

We could define action as physically acting upon the world.

However our use of language is one of the fundamental human actions.

It allows us to shape our world

• to plan
• to coordinate with each other
• to generate knowledge.

We also use it to create our identity – how we are seen by others and ourselves.
It brings forth our reality.

Yet, we do not give our use of language much thought in our everyday life.
We live in language as a fish lives in water. Human Coaching Ltd
 TRANSPARENT ACTION

The key to acting differently

We usually engage in actions without giving them intentional thought. Examples ….

Your actions are mainly “transparent” to you – you do not see them.

Similarly your use of language, your emotions and physical way of being.
Examples ….

Human Coaching Ltd

 You also create stories about the how the world is

or should be and forget that you have created them. link barriers

how it should be emotional &

body response

So we can look at our assumptions about the world as some of the

transparencies in which we live.

Human Coaching Ltd

 BREAKDOWNS of our actions

An interruption to the flow of our life or our transparency.

Breakdowns not only happen to us, we can declare them.

Examples

The effectiveness with which we deal with our breakdowns

is how we assess how effective we are in life.

Our breakdowns provide an avenue to understanding how we observe the world.

Breakdowns provide us with an opportunity to learn.
Human Coaching Ltd
TWO TENDENCIES OF HUMAN BEINGS TO BREAKDOWNS

conservative
• to continue what is so for us.

expansive
• sometimes we dream about what could be.
• expanding our life and go beyond what we currently have.

So dealing with breakdowns

we will seek to

retain what we have develop new opportunities

(conservative tendency) (expansive tendency)

Human Coaching Ltd

 Learning, some key points:

Transparency: Acting without thinking or seeing.

Language traps; = transparent language actions

and conversation including the internal

For example we have ideas (stories) about the way things should be.
these are unquestioned assumptions
and create a context for how things are for us.

The biggest learning is: shifting our way of being that is what we say,
how we feel and what we do with our bodies.

This changes the stories about: how we are,

what we can do and the way things should be.

Human Coaching Ltd

 So what actions might we usefully become aware of?

First however:

DIGNITY AND RELATIONSHIPS

Whenever we engage with another human being, we are engaging

with their dignity – their core concerns.

Speaking and listening

Keep a balance between taking care of our own dignity and that of the
other person

in a manner that allows both people to develop their own self-esteem.

Human Coaching Ltd

 Through Language can do two things:
* Describe the world ^ Generate the world

We communicate to :
• gain understanding,
• orient ourselves to a situation ,
• work out future actions,
• co-ordinate activity.
 ‘Speech’ Acts:

Does this sound effective?

Do you sound like this?

Human Coaching Ltd

 ‘Speech’ Acts:

Three basic types

Assertions. * Observable, they are true, false, or pending.

Declarations ^ Creating something new, valid or invalid – authority

and assessment.^ Opinions or judgments. Predictive, using the past.

Stories of others and self = identities.
Grounded or not i.e. what evidence.
Are they relevant?
Standards, preferences or prejudices.

Promise, * Part of our social network, expand our capability

Request * There is a responsibility to act consistently
and offer.*
Predominance of one
or failure to use each effectively leads to ineffective action. Human Coaching Ltd
Assessments and assertions:
One can be true
One can be valid.

Are either of them grounded?

Often confused we treat assessments as assertions i.e. as facts.

This can have serious consequences:-

Difficult to shift if we hold them to be true

We will not question them
We may get poor results.

e.g. “This child is …”

If this is true then why are we teaching them?
“Learning should not feel like this, so I must not be able to learn this stuff”.

Human Coaching Ltd

 Listening
Video I have a dream

Listening
Good is not
speaker, a passive
good process but an active one.
communicator.

Send the
You derive right signals
meaning throughyou getlistening,
your the right result.

His language is descriptive, he is telling you how it is for him

it is primarily listening,
the communication is a transfer of information.

The listeners arenot speaking,

receptacles for the message,
they listen passively .
that defines what is communicated.

Listening = observation + interpretation.

and context is relevant to your listening

Human Coaching Ltd

 Listening is a transparent action.

We “listen automatically”

We listen to address our concerns.

THE THREE ‘A’S OF LISTENING
But what is the other person taking care of by saying what they say.
Automatic, transparent- without noticing

Already, whenever we speak, we do so into a context

Always, generating meaning, we are constantly making sense of the world.

Human Coaching Ltd

 Effective listening
OPENESS Accept their perspectives as legitimate.
Do not leap to conclusions or you will fail to fully engage
in understanding what the other is saying.

ATTENTION Engage them in the conversation and build up a rapport

that allows for the possibility of deeper conversations.

CLARITY
Ask questions and summarizing your interpretations
in a way that has you move towards greater clarity
and mutual understanding.
INTUITION
Take note of it.

LISTENING TO YOUR OWN LISTENING

Ask yourself , why am I listening to certain things in a certain way.
What am I saying to myself,
what am I feeling, Human Coaching Ltd
Being aware of how you are making sense

of what you are observing

when you speak and listen.

Human Coaching Ltd

 You also create stories about the how the world is

or should be and forget that you have created them. link barriers

how it should be emotional &

body response

So we can look at our assumptions about the world as some of the

transparencies in which we live.

Human Coaching Ltd