This addictive pattern sources primarily from body, and body's despair. Body feels severedfrom consciousness and judged by almost all the other parts. Body has a consciousness of itsown, but severed from its siblings (mind, heart and soul), and disconnected from its divinity,body becomes deeply despairing and alone. There comes a point where the feelings of despair become so enormous, it's like body "hits bottom" under the weight of all suppression,repression, oppression, judgments, and hatred. It sees no way out, no road to redemption,especially when all the religions of the world say body is the enemy, something to be leftbehind, something to be shunned.And so body becomes desperate and angry, backed into a corner, a prisoner of war, astarving child in a ghetto situation. Body begins to believe that taking whatever smallpleasures it can get - no matter what the cost - is fully justified. When mind tries harder tocontrol and "discipline" body, body resorts to the hostile take-over. Mind gets shoved out of the way, and body takes over to gorge. You addicts will understand what I mean here. It's afeeling (to mind) like going unconscious. Of suddenly "coming to" and realizing you've eatenan entire chocolate cake, or drunk an entire bottle of vodka.Body gets two pay-offs here. One is the obvious pleasure of the food, drug, whatever. But thesecond pay-off is the feeling of control, of having successfuly "stolen" something, despitemind's tight controls. There's a great pleasure in this stolen power.
Even though it may feel sick afterward, even though it may be putting our life in great danger
, body continues thisbehavior because these brief snatches of pleasure it receives makes it feel less powerless,less despairing, at least for moments.
Self-Hate / Death-Wish
Although self-hate acts out in many forms, addiction is one of the most insidious. Most of thethings we become addicted to are not good for our bodies or souls. Even things that taken inmoderation would be benign, can become destructive when taken in large amounts, or constantly. When self-hate is participating in addictions, it's like having a little gremlin sittingon our shoulder that is trying to punish us, make us suffer. The gremlin pushes us toward theaddiction, whispering whatever will egg us on, including taunts from its bag of negatives aboutus. It may use the "you're weak" taunt in a twisted push to get us to do the addictive behavior in order to "prove" that we can only do it once. Things can get very twisty here.The same gremlin sits on our heads afterwards, and whispers in our ear that we are awful,horrible, bad, weak willed, etc. If the addiction is one like drugs or alcohol that can affect our behavior, the gremlin gathers up all the things we might have done while under the influence -any bad or hurtful or embarassing thing - to store up in its bag of negatives to lash us withlater.This self-hate might even reach death-wish proportions, and although the death-wish mightbe entirely outside our conscious awareness, it still operates to fulfill itself in any way it can.The more noxious the addiction, the better.The best (worst), most addictive substances are things that give pleasure, distract us from our pain, and drag us down into death (albeit sometimes slowly).
"DRY DRUNK" FAMILY PATTERNS
Much has been written on the alcoholic family and the problems facing the adult child of alcoholic parents. We just need to mention here that the "dry drunk" behavior traits do notonly apply to alcoholics or drug addicts. There is a behavior pattern that acts like an addict,but may not in fact be addicted to any particular substance. The pattern may have originatedwith an alcoholic family situation, and 3 generations later is still manifesting in behavioral or emotional ways that do not involve drinking.