Diaboliad

by
Mikhail Bulgakov
Translated by K.M. Cook-Horujy
English translation copyright aduga !ublishers "##$
Mosco%
The Tale o& the T%ins 'ho (inished o&& the Chie& Clerk
)
THE E*E+T ,+ THE T'E+T)ETH
-t a ti.e %hen everyone else %as hopping &ro. one job to the ne/t0 Co.rade
Korotkov %as &ir.ly ensconced at M-CB-MM 1the Main Central Base &or
Matchstick Materials2 in the per.anent post o& Chie& Clerk0 %hich he had no%
held &or no less than eleven .onths.
Happy in his M-CB-MM haven0 the 3uiet and sensitive &air-haired Korotkov
had banished &ro. his .ind co.pletely the idea that &ortunes can change0 replacing
it by the conviction that he0 Korotkov0 %ould go on %orking at the Base as long as
there %as li&e on earth. But0 alas0 this %as not to be...
,n 4$ 5epte.ber0 "#4" the M-CB-MM cashier donned his revolting &ur cap
%ith the big ear &laps0 put a striped che3ue in his brie&case and drove o&&. That %as
at "".$$ a. ..
-t 6.7$ p. .. the cashier returned0 drenched to the skin. He ca.e in0 shook the
%ater o&& his cap0 placed the cap on the desk and the brie&case on top o& it0 and
said8
9Don:t all rush0 ladies and gents.9
Then he ru..aged about in the desk0 le&t the roo. and ca.e back a 3uarter o&
an hour later carrying a large dead chicken %ith its neck %rung. !lacing the
chicken on the brie&case and his right hand on the chicken0 he announced8
9There:s no cash.9
9To.orro%;9 the %o.en shouted in chorus.
9+o09 the cashier shook his head. 9+ot to.orro% either0 or the day a&ter. Keep
cal.0 ladies and gents0 or you:ll knock the desk over0 co.rades.9
9'hat;9 yelled everyone0 the naive Korotkov included.
9Citi<ens=9 the cashier cried tear&ully0 elbo%ing Korotkov out o& the %ay. 9)
beg you=9
9But there .ust be=9 everybody shouted0 that co.ic Korotkov loudest o& all.
9-lright0 look at this09 the cashier .uttered hoarsely0 pulling the che3ue out o&
his pocket and sho%ing it to Korotkov.
-bove the spot %here the cashier dug his gri.y nail in %ere so.e %ords
scra%led in red ink.
9!ay cash. 5enat0 p. p. Co.rade 5ubbotnikov.9
(urther do%n %ere so.e .ore %ords in purple ink.
9+o cash le&t. 5.irnov0 p. p. Co.rade )vanov.9
9'hat;9 shouted Korotkov on his o%n0 %hile the others0 pu&&ing and panting0
descended upon the cashier.
9,h0 .y goodness=9 the latter ho%led %retchedly. 9'hy bla.e .e; ,h0 .y
god&athers=9
5tu&&ing the che3ue hurriedly into his brie&case0 he pulled on his cap0 thrust the
brie&case under his ar.0 brandished the chicken0 shouting0 95tand aside=9 and0
breaching his %ay through the hu.an %all0 disappeared through the door.
The s3uealing %hite-&aced registrar tottered a&ter hi. on her high heels. The
le&t heel snapped o&& by the door0 and the registrar staggered0 li&ted her &oot and
took the shoe o&&.
-nd there she stood in the roo.0 one &oot shoeless0 %ith the rest o& the.0
Korotkov included.
))
!,D>CT),+ !,D>CE
Three days a&ter the event described0 the door o& the o&&ice %here Co.rade
Korotkov %as %orking opened slightly0 and a %o.an:s head said spite&ully8
9?o and get your pay0 Co.rade Korotkov.9
9'hat;9 Korotkov e/clai.ed delightedly and0 %histling the overture to
Carmen, trotted along to a roo. %ith a notice saying 9Cashier9. By the cashier:s
desk he stopped open-.outhed. T%o thick piles o& yello% packets rose up to the
ceiling. To avoid ans%ering 3uestions0 the agitated and perspiring cashier had
pinned up the che3ue0 %hich no% bore yet another scra%l0 this ti.e in green ink.
9!ay in production produce.
9!reobra<hensky0 p. p. Co.rade Bogoyavlensky.9
9) agree @ Kshesinsky.9
Korotkov le&t the cashier:s o&&ice %ith a broad0 stupid grin on his &ace. He %as
carrying &our large yello% packets and &ive s.all green ones in his hands0 plus
thirteen blue bo/es o& .atches in his pockets. Back in his roo.0 listening to the
hubbub o& a.a<ed voices in the ?eneral ,&&ice0 he %rapped up the .atches in t%o
large sheets &ro. that .orning:s ne%spaper and slipped out %ithout a %ord to
anyone. By the .ain entrance he %as nearly run over by a car in %hich so.eone
had just arrived0 e/actly %ho Korotkov could not see.
Back ho.e he un%rapped the .atches on the table and stood back to ad.ire
the.. The stupid grin did not leave his &ace. -&ter that Korotkov ru&&led up his hair
and said to hi.sel&8
9Co.e on0 it:s no good .oping about all day. 'e .ust try to sell the..9
He knocked on the door o& his neighbour0 -le/andra (yodorovna0 %ho %orked
at the !rovincial 'ine Depot.
9Co.e in09 said a hollo% voice.
Korotkov %ent in and stared in a.a<e.ent. -le/andra (yodorovna0 also back
early &ro. %ork0 %as s3uatting on the &loor in her coat and hat. )n &ront o& her
stretched a long line o& bottles containing a deep red li3uid0 stoppered %ith little
balls o& ne%spaper. -le/andra (yodorovna:s &ace %as s.udged %ith tears.
9(orty-si/09 she said0 turning to Korotkov.
9?ood a&ternoon0 -le/andra (yodorovna. )s that ink;9 asked the astonished
Korotkov.
9Co..union %ine09 his neighbour replied0 %ith a sob.
9Aou:ve got so.e too;9 Korotkov gasped.
9Have you been given co..union %ine as %ell then;9 -le/andra (yodorovna
asked in a.a<e.ent.
9+o0 %e got .atches09 Korotkov replied %eakly0 t%isting a button on his
jacket.
9But they don:t light=9 e/clai.ed -le/andra (yodorovna0 getting up and
brushing her skirt.
9'hat do you .ean0 they don:t light;9 Korotkov e/clai.ed in alar. and
hurried o&& to his roo.. There0 %ithout %asting a .o.ent0 he snatched up a bo/0
tore it open and struck a .atch. )t hissed and &lared up %ith a green &la.e0 broke in
t%o and %ent out. Choking &ro. the acrid s.ell o& sulphur0 Korotkov coughed
pain&ully and struck a second one. This one e/ploded0 e.itting t%o &iery sparks.
The &irst spark landed on the %indo%-pane0 and the second in Co.rade Korotkov:s
le&t eye.
9,uch=9 cried Korotkov0 dropping the bo/.
(or a &e% .o.ents he clattered about like a spirited stallion clasping his hand
to his eye. Then he looked %ith trepidation into his shaving .irror0 convinced that
he had lost the eye. But it %as still there. - bit red0 though0 and tear&ul.
9,h0 .y goodness=9 Korotkov said agitatedly. He took an -.erican &irst-aid
packet out o& the chest o& dra%ers0 opened it and bandaged the le&t hal& o& his head0
until he looked like so.eone %ounded in battle.
Korotkov did not turn the light out all night and lay in bed striking .atches. He
got through three bo/es0 out o& %hich he .anaged to light si/ty-three .atches.
9The silly %o.an:s %rong09 .uttered Korotkov. 9They:re &ine .atches.9
By .orning the roo. reeked su&&ocatingly o& sulphur. -t daybreak Korotkov
&ell asleep and had a %eird0 &rightening drea.. )n &ront o& hi. in a green .eado%
%as an enor.ous live billiard ball on legs. )t %as so loathso.e that Korotkov cried
out and %oke up. (or a &e% seconds Korotkov thought he sa% the ball there in the
di. .isty light0 by his bed0 s.elling strongly o& sulphur. But then it vanished.
Korotkov turned over and &ell &ast asleep.
)))
E+TE THE B-BD M-+
+e/t .orning Korotkov .oved aside the bandage and sa% that his eye had
al.ost recovered. +evertheless0 an e/cessively cautious Korotkov decided not to
take the bandage o&& &or the ti.e being.
-rriving at %ork e/tre.ely late0 a cra&ty Korotkov %ent straight to his o&&ice0
so as not to give rise to any &alse speculation a.ong the lo%er ranks0 and &ound on
his desk a .e.o &ro. the head o& the 5upplies 5ub-5ection to the head o& the Base
asking %hether the typists %ere to receive any special clothing. -&ter reading the
.e.o %ith his right eye0 Korotkov picked it up and set o&& do%n the corridor to
the o&&ice o& the Base head0 Co.rade Chekushin.
ight outside the door o& the o&&ice Korotkov collided %ith a .ost peculiar-
looking stranger.
The stranger %as so short that he only ca.e up to the tall Korotkov:s %aist.
This lack o& height %as co.pensated &or by the e/traordinary breadth o& the
stranger:s shoulders. The s3uarish torso sat on bandy legs0 o& %hich the le&t one
li.ped. But the .ost re.arkable thing %as the head. )t %as like a huge .odel o&
an egg placed hori<ontally on the neck %ith the pointed end &acing you. )t %as also
bald0 like an egg0 and so shiny that electric light bulbs shone all the ti.e on the
cro%n. The s.all &ace %as shaven blue0 and the green eyes0 s.all as pin-heads0 sat
in deep sockets. The stranger:s body %as enveloped in an unbuttoned ar.y jacket
.ade &ro. a grey blanket0 %ith an e.broidered >krainian shirt peeping out. The
legs %ere clad in trousers o& the sa.e .aterial and the &eet in shortish boots %ith
slits like those %orn by hussars in the reign o& -le/ander ).
9(unny-looking chap09 thought Korotkov0 .aking &or the door o& Chekushin:s
o&&ice and trying to get past the bald .an. But suddenly and 3uite une/pectedly the
latter blocked his %ay.
9'hat do you %ant;9 the bald .an asked Korotkov in a voice that .ade the
sensitive Chie& Clerk shudder. )t %as like the voice o& a copper pan and had a
ti.bre that sent prickles do%n the spine o& all %ho heard it. 'hat:s .ore0 the
stranger:s %ords see.ed to s.ell o& .atches. )n spite o& all this0 a short-sighted
Korotkov did so.ething one should never do under any circu.stances @ he took
o&&ence.
9-he.. This is very odd. Here a. ) trying to deliver a .e.o. 'ould you .ind
telling .e %ho you are...9
9Can:t you see %hat:s %ritten on the door;9
Korotkov looked at the door and sa% the &a.iliar notice8 9-d.ittance by
noti&ication only.9
9'ell0 this is .y noti&ication09 Korotkov joked %eakly0 pointing at the .e.o.
The bald s3uare .an suddenly got angry. His little eyes &lashed %ith yello%ish
sparks.
9Aou0 Co.rade09 he said0 dea&ening Korotkov %ith his clatter-pan sounds0 9are
so i..ature that you do not understand the .eaning o& a si.ple o&&ice notice. ):.
.ost surprised that you have stayed here so long. -nd in general there are lots o&
&unny things going on here. Take all those bandaged eyes0 &or e/a.ple. +ever
.ind0 %e:ll put all that in order. 19He-elp=9 Korotkov groaned to hi.sel&.2 ?ive .e
that=9
'ith these %ords the stranger snatched the .e.o out o& Korotkov:s hands0
read it through0 pulled a che%ed indelible pencil out o& his trouser pocket0 put the
.e.o on the %all and scribbled a &e% %ords on it.
9There you are=9 he barked0 thrusting the .e.o at Korotkov so hard that he
al.ost put out his other eye. The o&&ice door ho%led and s%allo%ed up the
stranger0 %hile Korotkov stood there du.b&ounded. Chekushin:s o&&ice %as e.pty.
- &e% seconds later the disconcerted Korotkov ca.e to %hen he collided %ith
Bidochka de uni0 Co.rade Chekushin:s private secretary.
9,h0 dear=9 sighed Co.rade Korotkov. ,ne o& Bidochka:s eyes %as covered
%ith a bandage just like his0 e/cept that the ends %ere tied in a co3uettish bo%.
9'hat:s the .atter %ith your eye;9
9Matches=9 Bidochka replied angrily. 9'retched things.9
9'ho:s that in there;9 the devastated Korotkov asked in a %hisper.
9Don:t you kno%;9 Bidochka %hispered back. 9The ne% boss.9
9'hat;9 Korotkov s3uealed. 9'here:s Chekushin;9
9?ot the sack yesterday09 Bidochka said angrily0 and added0 pointing a &inger in
the direction o& the o&&ice8 9He:s a real old bu&&er. - right terror. +ever seen
anyone so revolting in all .y li&e. 5houts the place do%n. :Aou:ll get the sack=: Bald
pants=9 she added so une/pectedly that Korotkov goggled at her.
9'hat:s his na...9
Be&ore Korotkov had ti.e to &inish his 3uestion0 a terrible voice boo.ed
9Messenger=9 &ro. the o&&ice. The Chie& Clerk and the secretary &led in opposite
directions. Diving into his o&&ice0 Korotkov sat do%n at his desk and delivered the
&ollo%ing speech to hi.sel&8
9'atch out0 Korotkov0 old boy. Aou:ve landed in a bit o& a .ess. 'e:ll have to
put things right. :)..ature: indeed. Cheeky devil= Aou:ll see ho% i..ature
Korotkov is=9
'ith his one good eye the Chie& Clerk read the bald .an:s .issive. 5cra%led
across the paper %ere the %ords8 9-ll typists and %o.en sta&& in general %ill be
issued in good ti.e %ith .ilitary uni&or. longjohns.9
9,o0 that:ll be the day=9 Korotkov e/clai.ed %ith delight0 shuddering
voluptuously at the thought o& Bidochka %earing longjohns. 'ithout &urther ado0
he took a clean sheet o& paper and co.posed the &ollo%ing.
9Telephonogra..
9To the head o& 5upplies 5ub-5ection stop. )n reply to your .e.orandu. +o.
$."C$"C 1b2 o& the "#th co..a M-CB-MM hereby in&or.s you that all typists
and %o.en sta&& in general %ill be issued in good ti.e %ith soldiers: uni&or.
longjohns stop Base head signed Chie& Clerk dash *ar&olo.ei Korotkov stop.9
He bu<<ed &or the .essenger !antelei.on and told hi.8
9Take this to the boss &or signature.9
!antelei.on ru.inated &or a .o.ent0 took the paper and %ent out.
(or the ne/t &our hours Korotkov listened hard0 %ithout leaving his roo.0 so
that i& the ne% boss decided to take a look round he %ould be sure to &ind hi. %ith
his nose to the grindstone. But not a sound ca.e &ro. the terrible o&&ice. ,nly
once did he hear in the distance an iron voice %hich see.ed to be threatening to
give so.eone the sack0 but precisely %ho. Korotkov could not .ake out0
although he put his ear to the keyhole. -t 7.7$ p. .. !antelei.on:s voice %as
heard &ro. the ?eneral ,&&ice.
9He:s gone o&& in the car.9
The ?eneral ,&&ice i..ediately ca.e to li&e and slipped o&& ho.e. The last to
leave0 all on his o%n0 %as Co.rade Korotkov.
)*
!--?-!H ,+E @ K,,TK,* ?ET5 THE 5-CK
+e/t .orning Korotkov &ound to his delight that his eye no longer needed to
be bandaged0 so he took the bandage o&& %ith relie& and i..ediately looked .ore
handso.e and di&&erent. ?ulping do%n so.e tea0 he put out the pri.us-stove and
hurried o&& to %ork0 trying not to be late0 and arrived &i&ty .inutes late because
instead o& taking the nu.ber si/ route0 the tra. &ollo%ed the nu.ber seven to
so.e re.ote streets %ith s.all %ooden houses and broke do%n there. Korotkov
had to %alk about t%o .iles and trotted panting into the ?eneral ,&&ice0 just as the
-lpine ose:s kitchen clock %as striking eleven. )n the ?eneral ,&&ice he %as
greeted by a .ost unusual spectacle &or that ti.e o& day. Bidochka de uni0
Milochka Bitovtseva0 -nna Aevgra&ovna0 the chie& accountant Dro<d0 the
instructor ?itis0 +o.eratsky0 )vanov0 Mushka0 the registrar and the cashier0 in
other %ords0 all the ?eneral ,&&ice sta&&0 instead o& sitting in their places at the
kitchen tables o& the &or.er -lpine ose estaurant0 %ere standing in a tight
cluster by the %all to %hich a sheet o& 3uarto paper %as nailed. There %as a
sudden hush as Korotkov ca.e in0 and everyone looked a%ay.
9?ood .orning0 all0 %hat:s the .atter;9 Korotkov asked in surprise.
The cro%d parted in silence0 and Korotkov %alked up to the sheet o& paper.
The &irst &e% lines looked at hi. boldly and clearly0 the closing ones through a
tear&ul stupe&ying ha<e.
9,DE +o. "
D ". 9(or an ine/cusably negligent attitude to his duties giving rise to gross
con&usion in i.portant o&&icial docu.ents0 as %ell as co.ing to the o&&ice %ith a
disgrace&ul &ace obviously da.aged in a bra%l0 Co.rade Korotkov is hereby
dis.issed as &ro. today0 the 4Eth inst. and %ill receive tra. .oney up to and
including the 4Cth inst.9
The &irst paragraph also happened to be the last0 and under it in large letters
%as the &lourishing signature8
9Base Head8 Bongjohn9
(or t%enty seconds per&ect silence reigned in the dusty .irrored hall o& the
-lpine ose that %as. -nd the best0 deepest and .ost deathly silence o& all ca.e
&ro. a greenish Korotkov. -t the t%enty-&irst second the silence %as broken.
9'hat:s that; 'hat:s that;9 Korotkov cracked t%ice0 like an -lpine glass being
s.ashed on so.eone:s heel. 9That:s his surna.e @ Bongjohn;9
-t the terrible %ord the ?eneral ,&&ice splashed o&& in di&&erent directions and
in no ti.e at all %ere sitting at their tables0 like cro%s on a telegraph %ire.
Korotkov:s &ace turned &ro. a .ouldy putrid green to a spotted purple.
9Deary .e0 deary .e09 5kvorets intoned &ro. a distance0 peeping out o& his
ledger. 9Ho% could you have dropped a clanger like that; Eh;9
9B-but ) th- thought . . .9 the &rag.ent s o& Korotkov: s voice
grat ed. 9) read :longj ohns: inst ead o& :Bongjohn: . He %rit es his
na.e %ith a s.all F and does a t%iddl e at th e end=9
9) %on:t %ear underpants0 he needn:t %orry=9 Bidochka tinkled.
95hush=9 hissed 5kvorets snake-like. 9'hat a thing to say=9 He dived do%n and
took re&uge in his ledger0 hiding behind a page.
9-nd it:s not true0 %hat he says about .y &ace=9 Korotkov cried 3uietly0 turning
%hite as er.ine instead o& purple. 9) burnt .y eye on those &oul .atches o& ours0
like Co.rade de uni=9
9Be 3uiet=9 s3uealed ?itis0 turning pale. 9'hat are you saying; He tested the.
yesterday and said they %ere e/cellent.9
rrr. The electric bell over the door rang suddenly. !antelei.on:s heavy body
slid o&& the stool and trundled along the corridor.
9):ll tell hi.. ):ll tell hi.=9 chanted Korotkov in a high0 reedy voice. He dashed
to the le&t0 then to the right0 ran about ten paces on the spot0 his re&lection distorted
in the dusty -lpine .irrors0 dived into the corridor and ran to%ards the light o& the
di. bulb hanging over a notice saying 9!rivate oo.s9. !anting hard0 he stopped
in &ront o& the terrible door to &ind hi.sel& in the ar.s o& !antelei.on.
9Co.rade !antelei.on09 Korotkov began an/iously. 9Bet .e in0 please. ) .ust
see the boss straighta%ay...9
9Aou can:t0 he says not to let anyone in09 !antelei.on croaked0 dro%ning
Korotkov:s deter.ination in a terrible s.ell o& onion. 9Aou can:t. ?o a%ay0 Mr.
Korotkov0 or you:ll get .e into trouble...9
9But ) .ust0 !antelei.on09 Korotkov asked %eakly. 9Aou see0 .y dear
!antelei.on0 there:s been an order-!lease let .e pass0 be a good chap.9
9,h0 .y goodness...9 .uttered !antelei.on0 glancing at the door in &right.
9Aou can:t0 ) say. Aou can:t0 Co.rade=9
)nside the o&&ice the telephone rang loudly and a copper-heavy voice barked8
9):. leaving no%= This very .o.ent=9
!antelei.on and Korotkov .oved aside. The door &le% open and out into the
corridor rushed Bongjohn in an ar.y cap %ith a brie&case under his ar..
!antelei.on trotted along behind hi.0 and a&ter a .o.ent:s hesitation Korotkov
raced o&& behind !antelei.on. -t a bend in the corridor Korotkov0 pale and
agitated0 darted under !antelei.on:s ar.0 overtook Bongjohn and ran along
back%ards in &ront o& hi..
9Co.rade Bongjohn09 he .u.bled %ith a catch in his throat. 9Gust let .e say
so.ething0 please. -bout the order...9
9Co.rade=9 the preoccupied and hurrying Bongjohn roared &uriously0 trying to
race past Korotkov. 9Can:t you see0 ):. busy. ):. on .y %ay.9
9)t:s about the ord...9
9Can:t you see ):. busy; ?o to the Chie& Clerk.9
Bongjohn raced into the vestibule0 %here the huge un%anted organ o& the
-lpine ose %as standing on the &loor.
9But I a. the Chie& Clerk=9 s3uealed Korotkov in horror0 breaking into a cold
s%eat. 9!lease listen to .e0 Co.rade Bongjohn.9
9Co.rade=9 Bongjohn honked like a siren0 not taking the slightest notice. 5till
running he turned to !antelei.on and shouted8 9Take .easures to stop .e being
detained=9
9Co.rade=9 !antelei.on croaked %ith &right. 95top detaining.9
-nd not kno%ing %hat .easures to take0 he took the &ollo%ing one. !utting his
ar.s round Korotkov:s torso0 he dre% hi. close as i& it %ere the %o.an o& his
heart. The .easure %as .ost e&&ective. Bongjohn %hi<<ed past0 raced do%nstairs
as i& on roller skates0 and shot out o& the &ront door.
9Brr.= Brr.=9 shouted a .otor-cycle outside the %indo%s0 &ired &ive shots and
disappeared0 veiling the panes %ith s.oke. ,nly then did !antelei.on let go o&
Korotkov0 %ipe the s%eat o&& his &ace and ho%l8
9?od help us=9
9!antelei.on...9 asked Korotkov in a shaky voice. 9'here:s he gone; Tell .e
3uickly0 or he:ll get so.eone else...9
9) think it:s CE+T,5>!!.9
Korotkov raced do%nstairs like the %ind0 sped into the cloakroo.0 snatched up
his coat and hat and ran into the street.
*
- D)-B,B)C-B T)CK
Korotkov %as in luck. -t that very .o.ent a tra. dre% up by the -lpine
ose. Korotkov .anaged to ju.p on0 then %orked his %ay 3uickly to the &ront0
bu.ping against the braking %heel and sacks on people:s backs. His heart burned
%ith hope. The .otor-cycle had been held up &or so.e reason. )t %as no% rattling
a%ay in &ront o& the tra.0 and the s3uare back in the cloud o& blue s.oke kept
vanishing and co.ing into vie% again. (or &ive .inutes or so Korotkov %as
bu.ped and shaken about on the plat&or.. -t last the .otor-cycle stopped by the
grey building o& CE+T-,5>!!. The s3uare body %as obscured by passers-by
and disappeared. Korotkov &ought his %ay o&& the tra. %hile it %as still going0
spun round in a se.i-circle0 &ell do%n0 banged his knee and0 under the very nose o&
an auto.obile0 raced into the vestibule.
Covering the &loors %ith %et patches0 cro%ds o& people %ere either %alking
to%ards Korotkov or overtaking hi.. He caught a gli.pse o& the s3uare back on
the second &light o& stairs and hurried a&ter it0 panting hard. Bongjohn %as cli.bing
up %ith a strange0 unnatural speed0 and Korotkov:s heart sank at the thought that
he .ight lose hi.. 'hich is precisely %hat happened. ,n the &i&th landing0 %hen
the Chie& Clerk %as co.pletely e/hausted0 the back .elted into the cro%d o&
&aces0 caps and brie&cases. Korotkov &le% up to the landing like lightning and
hesitated &or a .o.ent be&ore a door %ith t%o notices on it. ,ne in gold lettering
on green said 9!epinieres: Dortoir90 %hile the other in black on %hite said 9HH.
5upp. 5ec. Bd.9 Korotkov hurried through these doors at rando. and sa% huge
glass cages and lots o& &air-haired %o.en scurrying bet%een the.. He opened the
&irst glass door and sa% a .an in a blue suit inside. He %as spra%ling across his
desk0 laughing gaily into the telephone. )n the second co.part.ent the desk %as
covered %ith the co.plete %orks o& 5heller-Mikhailov0 and ne/t to the. an elderly
%o.an in a &rock %as %eighing so.e &oul-s.elling dried &ish on scales. )n the
third %as a rhyth.ic endless clatter interspersed %ith little rings @ there behind si/
type%riters0 laughing and tapping a%ay0 sat si/ &air-headed0 s.all-toothed %o.en.
Behind the last door %as a vast e/panse %ith plu.p colu.ns. -n e/cruciating
clatter o& type%riters &illed the air0 and lots o& heads could be seen0 .ale and
&e.ale0 but there %as no sign o&9 Bongjohn:s. Con&used and e/hausted0 Korotkov
stopped the &irst %o.an he .et0 %ho %as running past0 carrying a .irror. 9Aou
haven:t seen Bongjohn0 have you;9 His heart sank %ith joy0 %hen the %o.an
replied0 opening her eyes %ide8
9Aes0 but he:s just leaving. Hurry up and catch hi..9 Korotkov galloped across
the hall o& colu.ns in the direction in %hich the s.all %hite hand %ith shiny red
nails %as pointing. ,n the other side he &ound hi.sel& on a narro%0 darkish landing
by the open ja%s o& a li&t %ith the light on. Korotkov:s heart sank into his shoes.
He:d caught hi. up. The s3uare blanketed back and shiny black brie&case %ere
passing into the gaping ja%s. 9Co.rade Bongjohn=9 Korotkov shouted and
sti&&ened %ith horror. ?reen circles started hopping about on the landing. Bars slid
over the glass door0 the li&t .oved0 and the s3uare back turned round0 changing
into a po%er&ul chest. Korotkov recognised everything8 the grey jacket0 the cap0
the brie&case and the currant eyes. )t %as Bongjohn alright0 but Bongjohn %ith a
long -ssyrian-go&&ered beard do%n to his chest. The thought i..ediately &lashed
through Korotkov:s .ind8 9He .ust have gro%n a beard %hile he %as riding the
.otor-cycle and running up the stairs @ but that:s i.possible=9 This %as &ollo%ed
by a second thought8 9)t:s a &alse beard @ but that:s ridiculous=9
Mean%hile Bongjohn began to descend into the caged abyss. (irst his legs
disappeared0 then his sto.ach and beard0 and last o& all his eyes and .outh
shouting so.e %ords in a pleasant tenor8
9Too late0 Co.rade0 ne/t (riday.9
9The voice is &alse too.9 The thought shot through Korotkov:s skull. (or a
second or t%o his head burned pain&ully0 but then0 re.e.bering that no black
.agic should deter hi. and that to stop %ould .ean disaster0 Korotkov advanced
to%ards the li&t. Through the bars he sa% a roo& rising on a cable. - languid beauty
%ith glittering stones in her hair ca.e out &ro. behind a pipe0 touched Korotkov:s
ar. gently and asked hi.8
9Have you got heart trouble0 Co.rade;9
9,h0 no0 Co.rade09 gasped the stupe&ied Korotkov and strode to%ards the
cage. 9Don:t detain .e.9
9Then go to )van (inogenovich0 Co.rade09 the beauty said sadly0 blocking his
%ay to the li&t.
9) don:t %ant to=9 e/clai.ed Korotkov tear&ully. 9Co.rade0 ):. in a hurry.
!lease don:t.9
But the %o.an re.ained sadly ada.ant.
9) can:t do anything0 you kno% that09 she said0 holding Korotkov:s ar.. The li&t
stopped0 spat out a .an %ith a brie&case0 pulled the bars over its &ace and %ent
do%n again.
9Bet .e go=9 yelped Korotkov0 %renching his hand a%ay %ith a curse and
dashing do%n the stairs. -&ter racing do%n si/ .arble &lights and nearly killing a
tall elderly lady %earing a piece o& lace on her head &astened %ith pins0 %ho
crossed hersel& &ear&ully0 he &ound hi.sel& at the botto. by a huge ne% glass %all
under a notice in silver lettering on blue that said 9Duty class ladies9 %hile another
one underneath %ritten in ink on paper read 9)n&or.ation9. Korotkov %as
convulsed %ith dark horror. Bongjohn had co.e into sight clearly through the
glass %all. The &or.er terrible blue-shaven Bongjohn. He %alked past al.ost ne/t
to Korotkov0 separated &ro. hi. only by a thin layer o& glass. Trying not to think
o& anything0 Korotkov .ade a dive &or the copper door-handle and shook it0 but it
did not give.
?nashing his teeth0 he tugged at the shining copper again0 and only then read in
desperation a s.all notice that said 9Entry through stair%ay si/9.
Bongjohn &lashed past and disappeared in a black niche behind the glass.
9'here:s si/; 'here:s si/;9 Korotkov cried &aintly to so.eone. The passers-by
started back. - s.all side door opened0 and out popped an old .an in a glossy suit
and blue glasses holding a long list. He peered at Korotkov over his glasses0 s.iled
and ru.inated.
95o you:re still %andering around0 are you;9 he .u.bled. 9)t:s a %aste o& ti.e0
you kno%. Gust listen to .e0 an old .an0 and give it up. ):ve already crossed you
o&& any%ay. Tee-hee=9
9Crossed .e o&& %hat;9 Korotkov e/clai.ed.
9Ha-ha. ,&& the lists0 o& course. 'ith .y pencil @ %hoosh0 and that:s that.
Tee-hee=9 The old .an laughed lasciviously.
9E/cuse .e0 but ho% do you kno% %ho ) a.;9
9Ha-ha. Aou:re a real leg-puller0 *assily !avlovich.9
9):. *ar&olo.ei09 said Korotkov0 putting a hand on his cold0 cla..y &orehead.
9*ar&olo.ei !etrovich.9
(or a .o.ent the s.ile le&t the terrible old .an:s &ace. He stared at the list and
ran a s.all dry &inger %ith a long nail do%n it.
9Don:t you try to con&use .e= Here you are @ Kolobkov *. !.9
9But ):. Korotkov=9 Korotkov shouted i.patiently.
9That:s %hat ) said8 Kolobkov09 the old .an retorted hu&&ily. 9-nd here:s
Bongjohn. Aou:ve both been trans&erred together0 and Chekushin:s taken over &ro.
Bongjohn.9
9'hat;9 cried Korotkov0 beside hi.sel& %ith joy. 9Bongjohn:s been &ired;9
9That:s right. He %as only there &or a day be&ore they chucked hi. out.9
9Thank the Bord=9 e/clai.ed Korotkov delightedly. 9):. saved= ):. saved=9
-nd %ithout realising %hat he %as doing0 he shook the old .an:s bony hand %ith
its long nails. The old .an s.iled0 and &or a .o.ent Korotkov:s joy &aded. There
%as so.ething strange and sinister in the old .an:s blue eye-sockets. The s.ile
baring greyish gu.s see.ed strange too. But Korotkov i..ediately drove a%ay
this unpleasant &eeling and got busy.
95o ) should get over to M-CB-MM no%0 should );9 9Aes0 you should09 the
old .an a&&ir.ed. 9)t says here @ to M-CB-MM. ,nly give .e your %ork
record book and ):ll .ake a note in it in pencil.9
Korotkov i..ediately &elt in his pocket0 turned pale0 &elt in the other one0
turned even paler0 clapped his trouser pockets0 and %ith a sti&led ho%l rushed
upstairs again0 looking under&oot. Bu.ping into people0 a desperate Korotkov &le%
up to the very top and looked around &or the beauty %ith the stones to ask her
so.ething0 but sa% that she had turned into an ugly snotty-nosed boy.
9Hey0 sonny=9 Korotkov hailed hi.. 9My yello% %allet...9 9)t:s not true09 the
boy snapped viciously. 9) didn:t take it. They:re lying.9
9,h0 no0 lad. ) didn:t .ean that. My docu.ents...9 The boy glo%ered at hi.
and suddenly began ho%ling in a deep bass.
9,h0 .y goodness=9 shouted Korotkov %ildly and rushed do%nstairs to the old
.an.
But %hen he got there0 the old .an had0 gone. Disappeared. Korotkov rushed
to the little door and tugged at the handle. )t %as locked. There %as a &aint s.ell o&
sulphur in the se.idarkness.
Thoughts %hirled like a bli<<ard in Korotkov:s head0 then a ne% one popped
up. 9The tra..9 He suddenly re.e.bered clearly being pressed hard on the
plat&or. by t%o young people0 one thin %ith a black .oustache that looked &alse.
9+o% ):. in real trouble alright09 .uttered Korotkov. 9This is trouble to end all
trouble.9
He ran into the road0 hurried to the end o& it0 turned do%n a side-street and
&ound hi.sel& by the entrance to a s.allish building o& unprepossessing
architecture. - cross-eyed0 sullen &ello% asked0 looking not at Korotkov but
so.e%here o&& at an angle8
9'here d:you think you:re going;9
9):. Korotkov0 Co.rade0 *. !. Korotkov0 %ho has just had his papers stolen.
The %hole lot. ) could get hauled in...9
9Aou could and all09 the .an on the porch con&ir.ed.
95o kindly let .e...9
9Tell Korotkov he .ust co.e in person.9
9But ) a. Korotkov0 Co.rade.9
95ho% us your pass.9
9)t:s just been stolen09 groaned Korotkov. 95tolen0 Co.rade0 by a young .an
%ith a .oustache.9
9'ith a .oustache; ) bet that:s Kolobkov. Must be. He:s specially %orking in
our area. Tea-houses are the place to look &or hi..9
9But ) can:t0 Co.rade09 Korotkov sobbed. 9) .ust see Bongjohn in
M-CB-MM. !lease let .e in.9
95ho% us a %arrant that it %as stolen.9
9'ho &ro.;9
9Aour house-.anager.9
Korotkov le&t the porch and ran do%n the street.
9M-CB-MM or the house-.anager;9 he %ondered. 9The house-.anager only
sees people in the .orning0 so it:s M-CB-MM.9
-t that .o.ent a &ar-a%ay clock on a bro%n to%er chi.ed &our0 and people
%ith brie&cases poured out o& the doors. )t %as gro%ing dark0 and a light %et sno%
began to &all.
9Too late09 thought Korotkov. 9Better go ho.e.9
*)
THE ()5T +)?HT
There %as a %hite note sticking out o& the keyhole. Korotkov read it in the
dark.
9Dear neighbour0
9?one to see .other in Ivenigorod. Have le&t you the %ine as a present. Drink
as .uch as you like. +o one %ants to buy it. They:re in the corner.
Aours0 -. !aikova9
'ith a lopsided grin0 Korotkov rattled the lock and in t%enty trips .oved into
his roo. all the bottles standing in a corner o& the corridor0 then turned on the
la.p and collapsed onto the bed just as he %as0 in his cap and coat. -s i& in a
trance he stared &or about hal& an hour at the portrait o& Cro.%ell dissolving into
the dark shado%s0 then ju.ped up and suddenly had a kind o& violent &it. !ulling
o&& his cap0 he &lung it into the corner0 s%ept the packets o& .atches on to the &loor
%ith one &ell s%oop and began to sta.p on the..
9Take that= Take that=9 Korotkov ho%led as he crushed the diabolical bo/es
%ith a crunch0 i.agining vaguely that he %as tra.pling on Bongjohn:s head.
The .e.ory o& the egg-shaped head suddenly .ade hi. think o& the clean-
shaven and bearded &ace0 and at this point Korotkov stopped short.
9But ho% on earth could it be;9 he %hispered0 passing a hand over his eyes.
9'hat:s this; 'hy a. ) standing here busy %ith tri&les0 %hen it:s all a%&ul. -&ter all
he:s not really a double0 is he;9
(ear crept through the dark %indo%s into the roo.0 and Korotkov pulled the
curtains so as not to look at the.. But this did not help. The double &ace0 no%
gro%ing a beard0 no% suddenly shaving it o&&0 kept loo.ing out o& the corners0 its
greenish eyes glittering. -t last Korotkov could stand it no longer and0 &eeling as i&
his brain %ould burst &ro. the tension0 began sobbing 3uietly.
-&ter a good cry0 %hich .ade hi. &eel better0 he ate so.e o& yesterday:s
slippery potatoes0 then0 returning to the cursed pu<<le0 cried a bit .ore.
9'ait a .inute09 he .uttered suddenly. 9'hat a. ) crying &or0 %hen ):ve got
so.e %ine;9
)n a &lash he knocked back hal& a tea-glass. The s%eet li3uid took e&&ect &ive
.inutes later @ his le&t te.ple began to ache pain&ully and he &elt a burning0
sickening thirst. -&ter drinking three glasses o& %ater0 Korotkov &orgot all about
Bongjohn because o& the pain in his te.ple0 tore his top clothes o&& %ith a groan
and collapsed onto the bed0 rolling his eyes .iserably. 9-spirin...9 he %hispered &or
a long ti.e until a troubled sleep took pity on hi..
*))
THE ,?-+ -+D THE C-T
-t ten o:clock ne/t .orning Korotkov .ade so.e tea 3uickly0 drank a 3uarter
o& a glass %ithout relish and0 sensing that a hard and troubleso.e day lay ahead0
le&t his roo. and ran across the %et asphalted yard in the .ist. ,n the door o& the
side-%ing %ere the %ords 9House-Manager9. Korotkov stretched a hand to%ards
the knob0 %hen his eyes read8 9+o %arrants issued due to death.9
9,h0 .y goodness09 Korotkov e/clai.ed irritably. 9Everything:s going %rong.9
-nd added8 9):ll see about the docu.ents later then0 and go to M-CB-MM no%. )
.ust &ind out %hat:s happening there. Maybe Chekushin:s back already.9
'alking all the %ay0 because his .oney had been stolen0 Korotkov eventually
reached M-CB-MM0 crossed the vestibule and .ade straight &or the ?eneral
,&&ice. ,n the threshold he stopped short and gaped %ith surprise. There %as not a
single &a.iliar &ace in the %hole crystal hall. +o Dro<d or -nna Aevgra&ovna0 no
one. -t the tables looking not at all like cro%s on a telegraph %ire0 but like the
three &alcons o& Tsar -le/is0 sat three co.pletely identical &air-headed0 clean-
shaven .en in light-grey checked suits and a young %o.an %ith drea.y eyes and
dia.ond earrings. The young .en paid no attention to Korotkov and %ent on
scratching a%ay at their ledgers0 but the %o.an .ade eyes at Korotkov. 'hen he
responded to this %ith a vague s.ile0 she s.iled haughtily and turned a%ay.
95trange09 thought Korotkov and %alked out o& the ?eneral ,&&ice0 stu.bling on
the threshold. By the door to his roo. he hesitated and sighed0 looking at the
&a.iliar %ords 9Chie& Clerk90 opened the door and %ent in. Everything suddenly
blurred be&ore Korotkov:s eyes and the &loor rocked gently under his &eet. There at
Korotkov:s desk0 elbo%s aki.bo and %riting &uriously %ith a pen0 sat Bongjohn
hi.sel& in the &lesh. 5hining go&&ered locks covered his chest. Korotkov caught his
breath as he looked at the lac3uered bald pate over the green bai<e. Bongjohn %as
the &irst to break the silence.
9'hat can ) do &or you0 Co.rade;9 he cooed in a de&erential &alsetto.
Korotkov licked his lips convulsively0 inhaled a large cube o& air into his narro%
chest and said in a barely audible voice8
9-he.... ):. the Chie& Clerk here0 Co.rade. ) .ean... 'ell0 yes0 i& you
re.e.ber the order...9
5urprise changed the upper hal& o& Bongjohn:s &ace considerably. His &air
eyebro%s rose and his &orehead turned into a concertina.
9) beg your pardon09 he replied politely0 9I a. the Chie& Clerk here.9
Korotkov %as struck by a te.porary du.bness. 'hen it passed0 he uttered the
&ollo%ing %ords8
9,h0 really; Aesterday0 that is. -h0 yes. !lease e/cuse .e. ):ve got con&used.
5o sorry.9
He backed out o& the roo. and croaked hoarsely to hi.sel& in the corridor8
9Try to re.e.ber0 Korotkov0 %hat:s the date today;9
-nd then ans%ered hi.sel&8
9)t:s Tuesday0 ) .ean (riday. +ineteen hundred.9
+o sooner had he turned round than t%o corridor light bulbs &lared up be&ore
hi. on a hu.an sphere o& ivory0 and Bongjohn:s clean-shaven &ace obscured the
%hole %orld.
9*ery good09 the copper clanged0 and Korotkov got the shakes. 9) %as %aiting
&or you. E/cellent. !leased to .eet you.9
5o saying he advanced to%ards Korotkov and gave his hand such a shake that
he perched on one &oot like a stork on a roo&top.
9):ve allocated the sta&&09 Bongjohn began talking 3uickly0 jerkily and
authoritatively. Three in there09 he pointed at the door o& the ?eneral ,&&ice. 9-nd
Manechka0 o& course. Aou:re .y assistant. Bongjohn:s chie& clerk. The old lot have
all got the sack. That idiot !antelei.on too. ) have in&or.ation that he %as a
&oot.an in the -lpine ose. ):. just o&& to the Board0 but you and Bongjohn %rite
a .e.o about that lot0 particularly about that @ %hat:s his na.e; @ Korotkov.
-ctually0 you look a bit like that scoundrel yoursel&. ,nly he had a black eye.9
9,h0 no. +ot .e09 said Korotkov0 open-.outhed and s%aying. 9):. not a
scoundrel. ):ve had .y docu.ents stolen. Everything.9
9Everything;9 Bongjohn shouted. 9+onsense. 5o .uch the better.9
He dug his &ingers into the panting Korotkov:s hand0 pulled hi. along the
corridor to his precious o&&ice0 thre% hi. into a plu.p leather chair and sat do%n
at his desk. 5till &eeling a strange 3uaking o& the &loor under his &eet0 Korotkov
huddled up0 closed his eyes and .uttered8 9The t%entieth %as Monday0 so
Tuesday is the t%enty-&irst. +o0 %hat:s the .atter %ith .e; )t:s the year t%enty-
one. ,utgoing +o. $."C0 space &or signature dash *ar&olo.ei Korotkov. That:s
.e. Tuesday0 'ednesday0 Thursday0 (riday0 5aturday0 5unday0 Monday. Tuesday
and Thursday both begin %ith a T0 and 'ednesday ... 'ednessss ... %ith an 50 like
5aturday...9
Bongjohn scribbled noisily on a piece o& paper0 sta.ped it %ith a thu.p and
thrust it at hi.. -t that .o.ent the phone rang &uriously. Bongjohn snatched up
the receiver and yelled into it8
9>huh= ,kay. ,kay. ):. just leaving.9
He raced over to the coat-rack0 grabbed his cap0 covered his bald patch %ith it
and vanished through the door %ith the parting %ords8
9'ait &or .e at Bongjohn:s.9
Everything really s%a. be&ore Korotkov:s eyes0 %hen he read %hat %as %ritten
on the paper %ith the sta.p.
9The bearer o& this is really .y assistant Co.rade *assily !avlovich Kolobkov0
%hich is really true. Bongjohn.9
9,ooh=9 groaned Korotkov0 dropping the paper and his cap on the &loor.
9'hat is going on;9
-t that .o.ent the door sang shrilly0 and Bongjohn returned in his beard.
9Bongjohn gone0 has he;9 he asked Korotkov in a high0 a&&ectionate voice.
Everything %ent dark.
9-aah=9 Korotkov ho%led0 unable to endure the torture0 and beside hi.sel&
%ith &ury0 rushed at Bongjohn0 baring his teeth. Bongjohn:s &ace turned yello% %ith
horror. Backing into the door0 he opened it %ith a clatter0 tu.bled into the
corridor0 losing his balance0 and s3uatted on his heels0 then ju.ped up and ran o&&
shouting8
9Messenger= Messenger= Help=9
95top= 5top= ) beg o& you0 Co.rade09 cried Korotkov0 co.ing to and rushing
a&ter hi..
There %as a bang in the ?eneral ,&&ice0 and the &alcons ju.ped up as i& by
order. The %o.an:s drea.y eyes leapt up &ro. the type%riter.
9They:ll shoot= They:ll shoot=9 she shouted hysterically.
Bongjohn ran into the vestibule &irst0 onto the dias %here the organ %as0
hesitated &or a .o.ent0 %ondering %here to go0 then rushed o&&0 cutting a corner0
and disappeared behind the organ. Korotkov raced a&ter hi.0 slipped and %ould
probably had banged his head on the rail0 i& it hadn:t been &or a huge black crooked
handle sticking out o& the yello% side. )t caught Korotkov:s coat0 the %orn cloth
tore %ith a 3uiet s3ueal0 and Korotkov sat gently do%n on the cold &loor. The side
door behind the organ banged to a&ter Bongjohn.
9?oodness...9 began Korotkov0 but did not &inish.
The i.pressive bo/ %ith dusty copper pipes e.itted a strange sound like a
glass breaking0 &ollo%ed by a deep dusty gro%l0 a strange chro.atic s3ueak and
the stroke o& a bell. Then ca.e a resonant .ajor chord0 an ebullient &ull-blooded
strea.0 and the %hole three-tiered yello% bo/ began to play0 turning over deposits
o& stagnating sound.
The fire of Moscow roared and thundered...
!antelei.on:s pale &ace suddenly appeared in the black s3uare o& the door. )n a
trice he0 too0 under%ent a .eta.orphosis. His tiny eyes shone triu.phantly0 he
dre% hi.sel& up0 &lung his right ar. across his le&t0 as i& putting on an invisible
napkin0 leapt up and galloped do%nstairs side%ays0 obli3uely0 like a trace-horse0
circling his ar.s as i& he %ere holding a tray&ul o& cups.
The smoke did o'er the river spread...
9'hat on earth have ) done;9 Korotkov gasped in horror. -&ter rushing
through the &irst stagnating %aves0 the .achine settled do%n s.oothly0 &illing the
e.pty halls o& M-CB-MM %ith the roar o& a thousand-headed lion.
And on the walls by the Kremlin at!"
Throu#h the ho%ling and thundering o& bells ca.e the sound o& a car0 and
Bongjohn returned through the .ain entrance0 a clean-shaven0 vindictive and
.enacing Bongjohn. He began to .ount the staircase s.oothly in a sinister bluish
light. Korotkov:s hair stood on end. Gu.ping up0 he ran through the side door
do%n the crooked staircase behind the organ and across the gravel-covered yard
into the street. -s i& pursued by the (uries he &le% into the street %ith the -lpine
ose boo.ing behind hi..
A #rey frock"coated fi#ure stood...
,n the corner a cabby brandishing a %hip %as trying &uriously to get his old
nag going.
9,h0 .y ?od=9 Korotkov sobbed &rantically. 9)t:s hi. again= 'hat is going
on;9
- bearded Bongjohn loo.ed out o& the pave.ent bf the cab0 hopped in and
began to %hack the cabby on the back0 chanting in his high voice8
9?et going0 you rascal= ?et going=9
The old nag gave a start0 kicked up its heels and raced o&& under the stinging
blo%s o& the %hip0 clattering do%n the street. Through te.pestuous tears
Korotkov sa% the cabby:s patent-leather hat &ly o&& and banknotes ca.e &luttering
out o& it in all directions. 5.all boys chased a&ter the.0 %histling. The cabby
turned round and pulled in the reins %ildly0 but Bongjohn thu.ped hi. on the back
&uriously and yelled8
9Keep going= Keep going= ):ll pay you.9
9JK0 your good healt h0 it: s rack and ruin0 ain: t it;9 the c abby
cried %ildly0 putting the nag into a &ull gallop0 and they all disappeared round the
corner.
5obbing0 Korotkov looked at the grey sky racing overhead0 staggered and cried
pain&ully8
9That:s enough. ) can:t leave it like this= ) .ust e/plain everything.9 He ju.ped
on to a tra.. )t shook hi. along &or &ive .inutes or so then thre% hi. do%n by a
green nine-storey building. ushing into the vestibule0 Korotkov stuck his head
through the 3uadrangular opening in a %ooden partition and asked a big blue
teapot8
9'here:s the Co.plaints Bureau0 Co.rade;
9Eighth &loor0 ninth corridor0 &lat 6"0 roo. 7$409 the teapot replied in a
%o.an:s voice.
9Eighth0 ninth0 6"0 three hundred ... three hundred and %hat %as that ... 7$409
.uttered Korotkov0 running up the broad staircase. 9Eighth0 ninth0 eighth0 no0
&orty ... no0 64 ... no0 7$409 he .u.bled. 9,h0 goodness0 ):ve &orgotten ... 6$0 that:s
it.9
,n the eighth &loor he %alked past three doors0 sa% the black nu.ber 96$9 on
the &ourth and %ent into an enor.ous hall %ith colu.ns and t%o ro%s o& %indo%s.
)n the corners lay rolls o& paper on spools0 and the &loor %as stre%n %ith scraps o&
paper covered %ith %riting. )n the distance at a s.all table %ith a type%riter sat a
goldenish %o.an0 cheek in hand0 purring a song 3uietly. Booking round in
con&usion Korotkov sa% the .assive &igure o& a .an in a long %hite coat %alk
do%n heavily &ro. the plat&or. behind the colu.ns. The .arble &ace sported a
grey drooping .oustache. 'ith an unusually polite0 li&eless s.ile0 the .an ca.e up
to Korotkov0 shook his hand %ar.ly and announced0 clicking his heels8
9Gan 5obieski.9
9Aou can:t be=9 replied Korotkov0 taken aback.
The .an gave a pleasant s.ile.
9That surprises a lot o& people0 you kno%09 he said0 getting the %ord stresses
%rong. 9But don:t think ) have anything to do %ith that rascal0 Co.rade. ,h0 no.
)t:s an un&ortunate coincidence0 nothing .ore. ):ve already applied to change .y
na.e to 5ocvossky. That:s .uch nicer0 and not so dangerous. But i& you don:t like
it09 the .an t%isted his .outh sensitively0 9) don:t insist. 'e al%ays &ind people.
They co.e looking &or us.9
9,h0 but0 o& course09 Korotkov yelped pain&ully0 sensing that so.ething strange
%as beginning here too0 like every%here else. He looked round %ith a hunted
e/pression0 a&raid that a clean-shaven countenance and bald eggshell .ight
suddenly pop up out o& thin air0 and then added clu.sily8 9):. very glad0 very...9
- &aint blush appeared on the .arble .anL taking KorotkovMs ar. gently0 he
led hi. to a table0 talking all the ti.e.
9-nd ):. very glad too. But the trouble is0 you kno%0 that ) haven:t any%here
to put you. They keep us in the background0 in spite o& all our i.portance.9 1The
.an %aved a hand at the spools o& paper.2 9)ntrigues. But %e:ll get going0 don:t
you %orry.9
9H.. -nd %hat have you got &or us this ti.e;9 he asked the pale Korotkov
a&&ectionately. 9,h0 ):. so sorry0 ) really .ust apologise0 allo% .e to introduce09
he %aved a %hite hand elegantly in the direction o& the type%riter. 9Henrietta
!otapovna !ersy.phens.9
The %o.an i..ediately o&&ered Korotkov a cold hand and a languid look.
9+o% then09 the boss continued s%eetly. 9'hat have you got &or us today; -
&euilleton; 5o.e essays;9 olling his %hite eyes0 he dra%led8 9Aou can:t i.agine
ho% .uch %e need the..9
9?ood heavens0 %hat:s all this about;9 thought Korotkov di.ly0 then he dre% a
deep convulsive breath and began talking.
95o.ething0 er0 terrible has happened. He... ) don:t understand. !lease don:t
think it:s a hallucination... H... Ha-ha.9 1Korotkov tried to give an arti&icial
laugh0 but it didn:t %ork.2 9He:s alive. ) assure you ... only ) can:t .ake it out0
so.eti.es he has a beard and a .o.ent later it disappears. ) just don:t
understand... He changes his voice too... 'hat:s .ore0 ):ve had all .y docu.ents
stolen0 and to .ake .atters %orse the house-.anager:s gone and died. That
Bongjohn...9
9) kne% as .uch09 e/clai.ed the boss. 9)s it the.;9
9,h0 .y goodness0 o& course09 the %o.an replied. 9Those dread&ul
Bongjohns.9
9Aou kno%09 the boss interrupted e/citedly0 9it:s because o& hi. that ):. sitting
on the &loor. Take a look at that0 old chap. -nd %hat does he kno% about
journalis.;9 he caught hold o& Korotkov:s button. 9Kindly tell .e that0 %hat does
he kno%; He spent t%o days here and nearly tor.ented .e to death. But i.agine
%hat luck. ) %ent to see (yodor *assilievich and he got rid o& hi. at last. ) didn:t
.ince .y %ords8 it:s either hi. or .e0 ) said. They trans&erred hi. to so.e
M-CB-MM or so.ething0 devil kno%s %hat. Bet hi. stink the place out %ith
those .atches= But he .anaged to .ove the &urniture to that da.ned o&&ice. The
%hole da.n lot0 i& you please. -nd %hat0 .ay ) ask0 a. ) going to %rite on; 'hat
are you going to %rite on; (or ) have no doubt at all that you %ill be one o& us0
dear chap.9 1Korotkov:s host e.braced hi..2 9)n a .ost irresponsible &ashion that
scoundrel .oved all our lovely Bouis Huator<e satin &urniture to that stupid
bureau0 %hich they:ll shut do%n to.orro% in any case0 the devil take it.9
9'hat bureau;9 Korotkov asked in a hollo% voice.
9,h0 those co.plaints or %hatever they are09 the boss said irritably.
9'hat;9 cried Korotkov. 9'hat; 'here is it;9
9There09 the boss replied in surprise0 prodding the &loor.
Korotkov took one last cra<ed look at the %hite coat and raced into the
corridor. !ausing &or a .o.ent0 he turned le&t looking &or steps going do%n and
ran along &or about &ive .inutes0 &ollo%ing the %hi.sical bends in the corridor.
(ive .inutes later he %as back %here he had started. -t door +o. 6$.
9,h0 hell=9 he e/clai.ed0 hesitating &or a .o.ent0 then turned right and ran
along &or another &ive .inutes until he arrived at +o. 6$ again. !ulling the door
open0 he ran into the hall to &ind it no% e.pty. ,nly the type%riter:s %hite teeth
s.iled silently on the desk. Korotkov ran up to the colonnade and sa% the boss
there. He %as standing on a pedestal0 uns.iling0 %ith an a&&ronted e/pression.
9(orgive .e &or not saying goodbye...9 Korotkov began0 then stopped. The
boss:s le&t ar. %as broken o&& and his nose and one ear %ere .issing. ecoiling in
horror0 Korotkov ran into the corridor again. - secret door opposite0 %hich he had
not noticed0 opened suddenly and out ca.e a %rinkled bro%n old %o.an %ith
e.pty buckets on a yoke.
9?ranny= ?ranny=9 cried Korotkov an/iously. 9'here:s the bureau;9
9) don:t kno%0 sir0 ) don:t kno%0 your honour09 the old %o.an replied. 9,nly
don:t you go runnin: around like that0 duck0 :cos you %on:t &ind it any %ays. Ten
&loors is no joke.9
9>gh0 silly old thing09 hissed Korotkov and rushed through the door. )t banged
shut behind hi. and Korotkov &ound hi.sel& in a dark space %ith no %ay out. He
&lung hi.sel& at the %alls0 scratching like so.eone trapped in a .ine0 until at last
he &ound a %hite spot %hich let hi. out to a kind o& staircase. He ran do%n it %ith
a staccato clatter0 and heard steps co.ing up to%ards hi.. - dread&ul unease
gripped his heart0 and he slo%ed do%n to a halt. - .o.ent later a shiny cap
appeared0 &ollo%ed by a grey blanket and a long beard. Korotkov s%ayed and
clutched the rail. -t that .o.ent their eyes .et0 and they both ho%led shrilly %ith
&ear and pain. Korotkov backed a%ay upstairs0 %hile Bong-Gohn retreated0 horror-
stricken0 in the opposite direction.
9'ait a .inute09 croaked Korotkov. 9Aou just e/plain...9
9Help=9 ho%led Bongjohn0 changing his shrill voice &or the old copper bass. He
stu.bled and &ell do%n0 striking the back o& his head. )t %as a blo% that cost hi.
dear. Turning into a black cat %ith phosphorous eyes0 he &le% upstairs0 streaking
like velvet lightning across the landing0 tensed into a ball0 then sprang onto the
%indo%-sill and vanished in the broken glass and spider:s %ebs. - %hite &og
be&uddled KorotkovMs brain &or an instant0 then li&ted0 giving %ay to an
e/traordinary clarity.
9+o% ) see it all09 Korotkov %hispered0 laughing 3uietly. 9Aes0 ) see. That:s
%hat it is. Cats= +o% ) get it. Cats=9
He began to laugh louder and louder0 until the %hole staircase rang %ith
pealing echoes.
*)))
THE 5EC,+D +)?HT
)n the t%ilight Korotkov sat in his &lannelette bed and drank three bottles o&
%ine to &orget everything and cal. do%n. +o% his %hole head %as aching8 the
right and le&t te.ples0 the back o& his head and even his eyelids. 'aves o& light
nausea kept rising &ro. deep do%n in his sto.ach0 and Korotkov vo.ited t%ice in
a basin.
9This is %hat ):ll do09 he %hispered %eakly0 his head hanging do%n.
9To.orro% ):ll try not to run into hi.. But since he see.s to be all over the place0
):ll just %ait. )n a side-street or a blind alley. He:ll %alk straight past .e. But i& he
tries to catch .e0 ):ll run a%ay. He:ll give up. :Aou just carry on0: ):ll say. ) don:t
%ant to go back to M-CB-MM any.ore. ?ood luck to you. Be head o&
depart.ent and Chie& Clerk0 i& you like. ) don:t %ant tra. .oney either. ) can do
%ithout it. ,nly leave .e alone0 please. 'hether you:re a cat or not0 %ith a beard
or %ithout0 you go your %ay and ):ll go .ine. ):ll &ind another job and get on %ith it
in peace and 3uiet. ) don:t bother anyone0 and no one bothers .e. -nd ) %on:t
.ake any co.plaints about you. ):ll just get .ysel& so.e docu.ents to.orro%@
and to hell %ith it.9
- clock began to chi.e in the distance. Ding0 dong. 9That:s at the
!estrukhins:09 thought Korotkov and began to count8 9Ten0 eleven0 .idnight0
thirteen0 &ourteen ... &orty.9 9The clock chi.ed &orty ti.es09 Korotkov s.iled
bitterly and started %eeping again. ,nce .ore the co..union %ine .ade hi.
vo.it convulsively and pain&ully.
9)t:s strong alright0 this %ine09 Korotkov .uttered0 &alling back onto his pillo%
%ith a groan. 5o.e t%o hours passed. The une/tinguished la.p lit up the pale &ace
on the pillo% and the tousled hair.
)N
M-CH)+E H,,5
The autu.n day greeted Co.rade Korotkov in a vague0 strange &ashion.
Booking round &ear&ully on the staircase0 he cli.bed up to the eighth &loor0 turned
right %ithout thinking and shuddered %ith delight. The dra%ing o& a hand %as
pointing to 9oo.s 7$4-76#9. (ollo%ing the &inger o& the beckoning hand0 he
ca.e to a door %hich said 97$40 Co.plaints Bureau9. -&ter a cautious peep inside0
to avoid .eeting any undesirable characters0 Korotkov %ent in and &ound hi.sel&
&acing seven %o.en seated at type%riters. -&ter a .o.ent:s hesitation0 he %ent up
to the nearest one0 %ho %as .att and dark-skinned0 bo%ed and %as about to say
so.ething %hen the brunette suddenly interrupted hi.. -ll the %o.en stared hard
at Korotkov.
9Bet:s go into the corridor09 the .att %o.an said abruptly and patted her hair
convulsively.
9,h0 .y goodness0 %hat no%;9 thought Korotkov .iserably. He obeyed0 %ith
a deep sigh. The si/ re.aining ones %hispered e/citedly behind their backs.
Beading Korotkov into the se.i-darkness o& the e.pty corridor0 the brunette
said8
9Aou are a%&ul. ) didn:t sleep all night because o& you and ):ve .ade up .y
.ind. Aou can have your %ay. Take .e0 body and soul=9
Korotkov took one look at the huge eyes in the s%arthy &ace that s.elt o&
lilies-o&-the-valley0 uttered a guttural cry and said nothing. The brunette thre%
back her head0 bared her teeth %ith a .artyr-like air0 sei<ed Korotkov:s ar. and
pulled hi. to her0 %hispering8
9'hy don:t you say so.ething0 .y seducer; Aou have con3uered .e %ith your
courage0 .y serpent. Kiss .e 3uick0 %hile there:s no one &ro. the control
co..ission around.9
-nother strange sound e.erged &ro. Korotkov:s .outh. He reeled0 &elt
so.ething s%eet and so&t on his lips and sa% t%o large pupils right ne/t to his
eyes.
9Take .e0 body and soul.9 The %ords %ere %hispered right by Korotkov:s
.outh.
9) can:t09 he replied hoarsely. 9My docu.ents have been stolen.9
9+o% then09 ca.e &ro. behind.
Korotkov looked round and sa% the glossy old .an. 9-h=9 cried the brunette0
covering her &ace %ith her hands0 and ran o&& through the door.
9OKK09 said the old .an. 9Hello ther e. Aou keep turni ng up
every%her e0 Co.rade Kolobkov. eal ladies: .an0 you are. Aou
can kiss as .uch as you like0 but it %on: t get you an e/pens es-
paid busines s trip. This old .an has been given one though0 and
): . o&&. 5o there.9 5o saying he cocked a snook at Korotkov. 9But ):ll tell on you
alright09 he %ent on spite&ully. 9That ) %ill. Aou:ve had three o& :e. do%n in the
.ain section0 and no% you:ve started on the sub-sections. Aou don:t give a da.n i&
those little angels are crying their eyes out0 do you; They:re sorry no%0 poor lasses0
but it:s too late. Aou can:t bring back a .aiden:s honour. That you can:t. Aou
can:t.9
The old .an pulled out a large handkerchie& %ith orange &lo%ers0 started to cry
and ble% his nose.
95o you %ant to deprive an old .an o& his tiny travelling allo%ance0 eh0 Mr.
Kolobkov; -lright then.9 The old .an started shaking and sobbing and dropped
his brie&case.
9Take it. Bet a non-!arty0 &ello%-travelling old .an starve to death. ?o on.
That:s all he:s good &or0 the old cur. ,nly re.e.ber this0 Mr. Kolobkov.9 The old
.an:s voice gre% prophetically o.inous and rang out like a bell. 9They %ill do you
no good0 those satanic shekels. They:ll stick in your throat.9 -nd the old .an burst
into heavy sobs.
Korotkov %as gripped by hysteria. 5uddenly and 3uite une/pectedly &or
hi.sel&0 he began sta.ping his &eet.
9To hell %ith you=9 he shouted shrilly and his sick voice echoed round the
vaults. 9):. not Kolobkov. Beave .e alone= ):. not Kolobkov. -nd ):. not going
any%here=9
He tore at his collar.
The old .an dried up at once and began 3uaking %ith &ear.
9+e/t one=9 so.eone barked behind the door. Korotkov paused and rushed
inside. He turned le&t0 past so.e type%riters0 and &ound hi.sel& in &ront o& a %ell-
built elegant blond-haired .an in a blue suit. Blondy nodded to Korotkov and said8
9Make it snappy0 Co.rade. +o beating about the bush. 'hat:s it to be; !oltava
or )rkutsk;
9My docu.ents have been stolen09 the con&used Korotkov replied0 looking
round %ildly. 9Then a cat turned up. )t:s not &air. ):ve never been in a &ight in .y
li&e. )t %as the .atches. ) shouldn:t be victi.ised. ) don:t care i& he:s Bongjohn. My
docu.ents have...9
9That:s rubbish09 replied Blondy. 9'e:ll provide the uni&or.0 shirts and sheets.
Even a second-hand sheepskin jacket0 i& it:s )rkutsk. Make it snappy.9
He turned a key .usically in a lock0 pulled out a dra%er0 looked inside it and
said8
9-lright0 5ergei +ikolayevich.9
,ut o& the ash-%ood dra%er peeped a %ell-co.bed &la/en-haired head %ith
darting blue eyes. -&ter it curved a snake-like neck in a crackling starched collar0
then a jacket0 ar.s and trousers0 and a second later a %hole secretary cra%led onto
the red bai<e s3ueaking 9?ood .orning.9 5haking hi.sel& like a dog a&ter a s%i.0
he ju.ped do%n0 turned back his cu&&s0 pulled a &ountain pen out o& his pocket and
began scribbling.
Korotkov recoiled0 stretched out a hand and said plaintively to Blondy8
9Book0 look0 he cli.bed out o& the desk. 'hat:s going on;9
9,& course0 he did09 Blondy replied. 9He can:t stay in there all day0 can he; )t:s
ti.e. Te.pus. Ti.e-keeping.9
9But ho%; Ho%;9 rang Korotkov.
9(or heaven:s sake09 Blondy snapped. 9Don:t %aste .y ti.e0 Co.rade.9
The brunette:s head looked round the door and shouted e/citedly and joy&ully8
9):ve already sent his docu.ents to !oltava. -nd ):. going %ith hi.. ):ve got
an aunt in !oltava at 67 degrees latitude and &ive longitude.9
9That:s splendid09 Blondy replied. 9):. sick o& all this shilly-shallying.9
9) re&use=9 shouted Korotkov0 %ith a %andering e/pression. 9):ll have to take
her0 body and soul0 and ) couldn:t stand that. ) re&use= ?ive .e back .y
docu.ents. My precious surna.e. einstate .e=9
9That:s a .atter &or the .atri.onial depart.ent0 Co.rade09 s3ueaked the
secretary. 9'e can:t do anything about that.9
95illy boy=9 e/clai.ed the brunette0 peeping in again. 95ay yes= 5ay yes=9 she
hissed in a pro.pter:s %hisper. Her head kept darting in and out.
9Co.rade=9 Korotkov sobbed0 rubbing his tear-stained &ace. 9Co.rade= ?ive
.e .y docu.ents0 ) beseech you. Be a &riend. !lease0 ) beg you %ith all the &ibres
o& .y soul0 and ):ll go into a .onastery.9
9Cut out the hysterics0 Co.rade= Kindly in&or. .e concretely and abstractly0
in %riting and by %ord o& .outh0 urgently and con&identially @ !oltava or
)rkutsk; Don:t %aste a busy person:s ti.e= +o %alking along the corridors= +o
spitting= +o s.oking= +o asking &or s.all change=9 Blondy thundered0 losing his
te.per.
9-ll handshaking abolished=9 the secretary cuckooed.
9Bong live clinches=9 the brunette %hispered passionately and rushed round the
roo. like a gust o& %ind0 %a&ting lilies-o&-the-valley over Korotkov:s neck.
9The thirteenth co..and.ent says8 thou shalt not go in to thy neighbour
%ithout noti&ication09 .uttered the glossy old .an and &luttered around in the air0
&lapping the edges o& his cloak. 9):. not going in. +o0 sir. But ):ll pal. a .e.o o&&
on you all the sa.e. Here you are0 plop= Aou:d sign anything. -nd land up in the
dock too.9 He tossed sheets o& paper out o& his %ide black sleeve0 and they &loated
about0 settling on the desks like gulls on seashore cli&&s.
The roo. turned dark and the %indo%s rocked.
9Co.rade Blondy09 the e/hausted Korotkov %ept. 9Aou can shoot .e on the
spot0 but please issue .e so.e kind o& docu.ent. -nd ):ll kiss your hand.9
)n the darkness Blondy began to s%ell and gro%0 &rantically signing the old
.an:s sheets o& paper and tossing the. to the secretary0 %ho caught the. %ith a
happy gurgle.
9To hell %ith hi.=9 Blondy thundered. 9To hell %ith hi.= Typists0 hey=9
He %aved an enor.ous hand0 the %all disintegrated be&ore Korotkov:s eyes0
and the thirty type%riters on the desks rang their bells and began to play a &o/trot.
5%aying their hips0 shaking their shoulders sensuously and kicking up a %hite &oa.
%ith their crea. legs0 thirty %o.en did a conga round the desks.
'hite snakes o& paper slithered into the type%riters: ja%s and %ere joined0 cut
out and se%n into a pair o& %hite trousers %ith violet side-stripes %hich said 9The
bearer o& this really is the bearer0 and not just a %orthless scally%ag.9
9!ut the. on=9 Blondy roared in the .ist.
9-aah09 %hi.pered Korotkov and began banging his head against the corner o&
Blondy:s desk. His head &elt better &or a .o.ent0 and Korotkov caught a gli.pse
o& a tear-stained &ace.
9*alerian drops=9 cried so.eone on the ceiling.
The cloak obscured the light0 like a black bird0 and the old .an %hispered in
alar.8
9,ur only hope no% is Dyrkin in section &ive. Hurry up= Hurry up=9
There %as a s.ell o& ether0 and Korotkov %as carried gently into the se.i-dark
corridor. The cloak enveloped hi. and s%ept hi. along0 %hispering and giggling8
9):ve done the. a good turn alright. That stu&& ) thre% on their desks %ill get each
o& the. at least &ive years %ith loss o& civil rights on the &ield o& battle. Hurry up=
Hurry up=9
The cloak &luttered to one side0 and a da.p gust o& air %a&ted &ro. the li&t sha&t
plunging into the abyss.
N
DAK)+ THE DE-D
The .irrored cabin began to sink do%n0 and t%o Korotkovs sank %ith it. The
second Korotkov %as &orgotten in the .irror o& the li&t by the &irst and .ain one0
%ho %alked out alone into the cool vestibule. - very &at and pink gent in a top hat
greeted Korotkov %ith the %ords8
9That:s %onder&ul. ):. going to arrest you.9
9Aou can:t do that09 Korotkov replied %ith a satanic laugh0 9because nobody
kno%s %ho ) a.. ,& course not. Aou can:t arrest .e or .arry .e. -nd ):. not
going to !oltava either.9
The &at .an 3uaked %ith terror0 looked into Korotkov:s eyes and began to sink
back%ards.
9-rrest .e09 Korotkov s3uealed and stuck out a pale 3uivering tongue s.elling
o& *alerian drops at the &at .an. 9Ho% can you arrest .e i& instead o& docu.ents
):ve got s%eet &anny ada.s; !erhaps ):. a Hohen<ollern.9
9Gesus Christ09 said the &at .an0 crossing hi.sel& %ith a tre.bling hand and
turning &ro. pink to yello%.
9Bongjohn turned up;9 Korotkov asked abruptly0 looking round. 9-ns%er .e0
(atty.9
9,h0 no09 the &at .an replied0 his pink co.ple/ion changing to grey.
9'ell0 %hat shall ) do no% then; Eh;9
9?o and see Dyrkin hi.sel&09 the &at .an babbled. 9That:s the best thing. ,nly
he:s a real terror= Don:t get too close. He sent t%o people &lying. -nd today he
broke a phone.9
9-lright then09 Korotkov replied %ith a devil-.ay-care spit. 9'e:ve nothing to
lose no%. Bi&t .e up=9
9Don:t hurt your leg0 Co.rade Delegate09 said the &at .an tenderly0 helping
Korotkov into the li&t.
,n the top landing %as a little &ello% o& about si/teen %ho shouted .enacingly8
9'here d:ya think you:re going; 5top=9
9Don:t hit us0 old chap09 said the &at .an0 hunching up and covering his head
%ith his hands. 9To Dyrkin hi.sel&.9
9?o on then09 the little &ello% shouted.
9Aou go0 Aour E/cellency09 the &at .an %hispered. 9):ll %ait &or you here on
the bench. )t:s a%&ully scary...9
Korotkov %ent into a dark vestibule and &ro. there into an e.pty hall %ith a
threadbare blue carpet.
)n &ront o& a door %ith a notice saying 9Dyrkin9 Korotkov hesitated &or a
.o.ent0 then %ent in and &ound hi.sel& in a co.&ortably &urnished roo. %ith a
huge cri.son table and a %all clock. - chubby little Dyrkin bounced out on a
spring &ro. behind the desk0 bristled his .oustache and barked8
9Be 3uiet=9 although Korotkov had not said a %ord.
-t that very .o.ent a pallid youth %ith a brie&case appeared in the roo..
Dyrkin:s &ace %as instantly %reathed in s.iling %rinkles.
9-h=9 he e/clai.ed ingratiatingly. 9-rtur -rturovich. ?reetings0 dear &riend.9
9+o% listen0 Dyrkin09 the youth said in a .etallic voice. 9Aou %rote to
!u<yryov that ):d set up .y personal dictatorship in an old-age insurance o&&ice and
pocketed the May bene&its0 didn:t you; Eh; -ns%er .e0 you rotten bastard.9
9Me;9 .uttered Dyrkin0 .agically changing &ro. Dyrkin the Dread into Dyrkin
the ?ood Chap. 9Me0 -rthur Dictaturich... ,& course0 )... )t:s a lie...9
9Aou blackguard09 the youth said clearly. 5haking his head and brandishing his
brie&case0 he slapped the latter onto Dyrkin:s pate0 like a pancake on a plate.
Korotkov instinctively gasped and &ro<e.
9)t:ll be the sa.e &or you0 and any other s.art alec %ho sticks his nose into .y
business09 the youth said .enacingly and %ent out0 shaking a red &ist at Korotkov
in parting.
(or a .o.ent or t%o there %as silence in the roo.0 broken only by the tinkling
o& the chandelier as a lorry ru.bled by.
9There0 young .an09 said a nice and hu.iliated Dyrkin0 %ith a bitter s.ile.
9That:s %hat you get &or your pains. Aou deprive yoursel& o& sleep0 &ood and drink0
and the result:s al%ays the sa.e @ a slap round the chops. !erhaps you:ve brought
one too. ?o on then. ?ive old Dyrkin a bashing. He:s got a public property &ace.
!erhaps your hand hurts0 eh; Then use the chandelier0 old chap.9
-nd Dyrkin pro&&ered his chubby cheeks te.ptingly. )n a da<e0 Korotkov gave
a shy crooked s.ile0 took the chandelier by the base and crunched the candles
do%n on Dyrkin:s head. Blood spurted onto the bai<e &ro. the latter:s nose and he
rushed through an inner door shouting &or help.
9Cuck-oo=9 piped a &orest cuckoo happily0 hopping out o& a little painted
+ure.berg house on the %all.
9Ku-klu/-klan=9 it cried0 turning into a bald head. 9'e:ll tell the. ho% you beat
up public servants=9
Korotkov %as sei<ed by &ury. He s%ung the chandelier and brought it do%n on
the clock. )t replied %ith thunder and sho%ers o& golden arro%s. Bongjohn hopped
out o& the clock0 turned into a %hite cockerel %ith a notice saying 9outgoing9 and
darted through the door. (ro. behind the inner door Dyrkin ho%led8 9Catch hi.0
the rascal09 and heavy &ootsteps sounded on all sides. Korotkov turned and took to
his heels.
N)
$A% &'%C( M,*)E -+D THE -BA55
The &at .an hopped o&& the landing into the li&t0 slid behind the bars and
plunged do%n. Do%n the huge gna%ed-out staircase ran &irst the &at .an:s black
top hat0 &ollo%ed by the %hite outgoing cockerel0 behind %hich the chandelier
%hi<<ed past about t%o inches above the cockerel:s pointed %hite head0 then ca.e
Korotkov0 the si/teen-year-old %ith a revolver in his hand0 and so.e other people0
clattering %ith their studded boots. The staircase resounded %ith ringing bron<e0
and doors sla..ed agitatedly on the landings.
5o.eone leaned over on the top &loor and shouted through a .egaphone8
9'hich section is .oving; Aou:ve &orgotten the sa&e=9
- %o.an:s voice belo% replied8
9Bandits=9
,vertaking the top hat and chandelier0 Korotkov %as the &irst to dash through
the large &ront door and0 gulping do%n a huge portion o& red-hot air0 raced into the
street. The %hite cockerel vanished into thin air0 leaving a %hi&& o& sulphur behind
it0 the black cloak .aterialised out o& no%here and trailed along beside Korotkov0
dra%ling in a high voice8
9Co-op lads get beaten up0 Co.rades=9
)n Korotkov:s path pedestrians %ere scattering and cra%ling under gates. 5hort
%histles &lared up and %ent out. 5o.eone careered o&&0 %ildly hallooing0 and
an/ious hoarse cries o& 9Catch hi.=9 lit up. )ron shutters %ere closed %ith a
clatter0 and a la.e .an sitting on the tra.-line s3uealed8
9)t:s begun=9
5hots %ere no% &lying a&ter Korotkov0 &re3uent and jolly like Christ.as
crackers0 the bullets %hining at either side and overhead. ?ro%ling like a
blacks.ith:s bello%s0 Korotkov sped to%ards a gigantic eleven-storey building at
right angles to the street0 its .ain &acade in a narro% side alley. ight on the corner
a glass sign %ith the %ords %estaurant und )ier cracked starlike0 and an elderly
cabby %ith a languid e/pression on his &ace .oved &ro. the coach-bo/ to sit on
the pave.ent0 saying8
9Hey there. Taking pot-shots just &or kicks0 eh0 lads;9
- .an ran out o& a side-street0 tried to catch Korotkov by his jacket and %as
le&t holding the lapel. Korotkov turned the corner0 raced a &e% yards and ran into
the .irrored e/panse o& the vestibule. - boy %ith braid and gold buttons ju.ped
out o& the li&t and started crying.
9?et in0 .ister. ?et in=9 he ba%led. 9,nly don:t hit an orphan.9
Korotkov darted into the li&t cabin0 sat do%n on a green so&a opposite another
Korotkov and started gulping like a &ish on the sand. The boy got in a&ter hi.0
sobbing0 closed the door0 pulled a cord and the li&t %ent up. -t that .o.ent shots
rang out in the vestibule belo%0 and the revolving glass doors spun %ildly.
>p %ent the li&t0 gently and nauseatingly. The boy gre% cal.er and %iped his
nose %ith one hand0 %hile the other t%iddled the cord.
95tolen so.e .oney0 .ister;9 he asked avidly0 staring at the lacerated
Korotkov.
9'e:re ... attacking ... Bongjohn09 panted Korotkov in reply. 9But he:s taken
the o&&ensive...9
9Aou:d better go right to the top0 .ister0 %here the billiard tables are09 the boy
advised hi.. 9Aou can sit it out on the roo&0 i& you:ve got a Mauser.9
9Bet:s go up there09 Korotkov agreed.
- .o.ent later the li&t stopped0 the boy &lung open the doors0 sni&&ed hard and
said8
9?et out0 .ister0 and nip on the roo&.9
Korotkov ju.ped out0 looked round and did as he %as told. (ro. belo% ca.e
a gro%ing0 .ounting noise0 &ro. the side the knocking o& ivory balls through a
glass partition %ith agitated &aces &lashing behind it. The boy darted back into the
li&t0 closed the door and plunged do%n.
5urveying his position %ith an eagle eye0 Korotkov hesitated &or a .o.ent0
then ran into the billiard roo. %ith the battle-cry 9Charge=9 ?reen rectangles
&lashed past %ith shiny %hite balls and pale &aces. (ro. belo%0 .uch nearer no%0 a
shot echoed dea&eningly and there %as a sound o& breaking glass. -s i& in response
to a signal0 the players &lung do%n their cues and scra.bled hurriedly through the
side door %ith a clatter. Korotkov rushed over and shut the door behind the. on
the latch0 sla..ed the .ain glass door &ro. the staircase to the billiard roo.0 and
ar.ed hi.sel& %ith so.e billiard balls. - &e% seconds later behind the glass the
&irst head loo.ed up beside the li&t. - ball &le% out o& Korotkov:s hands0 %histled
through the glass and the head disappeared. )n its place a pale light &lashed0 and a
second head loo.ed up0 then a third. The balls &le% one a&ter the other0 breaking
the panes o& glass in the partitions. The s.ashes echoed do%n the staircase and in
reply a .achine-gun ho%led like a dea&ening 5inger se%ing .achine0 and shook
the %hole building. ?lass and &ra.es %ere sliced out o& the upper part0 as i& %ith a
kni&e0 and a po%dery cloud o& plaster s%ept round the roo..
Korotkov realised he could not hold his position. Covering his head %ith his
hands0 he took a run and kicked the third glass partition0 behind %hich lay the &lat
asphalt o& the roo&. The glass splintered and scattered. >nder heavy &ire he
.anaged to toss &ive pyra.ids onto the roo&0 and they rolled about on the asphalt
like severed heads. Korotkov leapt out a&ter the.0 and just in ti.e too0 because the
.achine-gun lo%ered its &ire and ble% out the %hole botto. section o& the &ra.e.
95urrender=9 he heard &aintly.
5uddenly Korotkov sa% a pale sun overhead0 a bleached sky0 a bree<e and
&ro<en asphalt. (ro. belo% and outside a .u&&led an/ious roar spoke o& the to%n.
-&ter hopping up and do%n on the asphalt and looking round0 Korotkov picked up
three balls0 ran over to the parapet0 cli.bed onto it and looked do%n. His heart
.issed a beat. Belo% lay the roo&s o& buildings that looked &lattened and s.all0 a
s3uare %ith tra.s cra%ling over it0 beetle-people0 and at once Korotkov sa% tiny
grey &igures dancing up to the entrance along the crack o& the side-street0 &ollo%ed
by a heavy toy dotted %ith shining gold heads.
9(ire.en=9 Korotkov gasped. 9):. surrounded.9
Beaning over the parapet0 he took ai. and thre% the three balls0 one a&ter the
other. They rose up0 described an arc0 then plunged do%n. Korotkov picked up
another three0 cra%led over again0 s%ung his ar. and let the. &ly too. The balls
&lashed like silver0 turning black as they &ell0 then &lashed again and disappeared.
Korotkov thought he sa% the beetles begin to scurry about in alar. in the sun-lit
s3uare. He bent do%n to get another batch o& .issiles0 but did not have ti.e. 'ith
a crunching and s.ashing o& glass people appeared in the billiard roo.. They
spilled out like peas0 ju.ping onto the roo&. ?rey caps and greatcoats poured out0
and the glossy old .an ca.e &lying through an upper pane0 %ithout touching the
ground. Then the %all collapsed co.pletely0 and a terrible clean-shaven Bongjohn
s%ept out .enacingly on roller-skates %ith an old blunderbuss in his hands.
95urrender=9 ca.e the ho%ls &ro. all sides and overhead0 sub.erged by an
unbearable dea&ening saucepan bass.
9This is the end09 Korotkov gasped &aintly. 9The end. Battle:s lost. Ta-ta-ta09 he
tru.peted the retreat %ith his lips.
The courage o& death took possession o& hi.. By hanging on and balancing0
Korotkov .ade his %ay to a post on the parapet0 clutched it s%aying0 dre% hi.sel&
up to his &ull height and shouted8
9Better death than dishonour=9
His persecutors %ere close on his heels no%. Korotkov sa% the outstretched
hands0 the &la.e leaping out o& Bongjohn:s .outh. The lure o& the sunny abyss %as
so strong that it took his breath a%ay. He ju.ped %ith a piercing triu.phant cry
and soared up%ards. (or a second he stopped breathing. )ndistinctly0 very
indistinctly0 he sa% so.ething grey &ly up past hi. %ith black holes as i& &ro. an
e/plosion. Then he sa% very clearly that the grey thing had &allen do%n. He hi.sel&
%as rising up to the narro% crack o& the side-street %hich lay above hi.. Then the
blood-red sun burst resoundingly in his head0 and he sa% nothing .ore.
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