quotes: c

Asking where Lotus Notes is now is a bit like asking what Jennifer Aniston's been doing
with herself since her 1992 appearance in an episode of the TV show Herman's Head.
The fact is that more people now know about Aniston--and Notes--than they ever did.
And the longer people are exposed to either, the less they like the experience.
-C|Net
I've always thought that Salon should extend that naming strategy and offend some other
classes of people by launching Jews Who Spend Money and Southerners Who Marry
Outside the Family.
-Rogers Cadenhead on "Salon: Mothers who Think"
Everybody understands what concurrency means? Two lies at once.
-Felipe Cabrera
We have a few lies that we can use to make bigger lies, called network models.
-Felipe Cabrera
We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and die.
-Nicholas Cage
Will you come quietly, or must I use earplugs?
-Russ Cage
All of these free condoms are really burning a hole in my pocket.
-Chris Caldwell
If my mind had the power to heal me, you would think it would also have the power to
keep me out of graduate school. No such luck.
-Lynda Callicotte
Every old idea will be proposed again with a different name and a different presentation,
regardless of whether it works.
-Ross Callon
It is always possible to aglutenate multiple separate problems into a single complex
interdependent solution. In most cases this is a bad idea.
-Ross Callon
It is easier to move a problem around (for example, by moving the problem to a different
part of the overall network architecture) than it is to solve it. (corollary). It is always
possible to add another level of indirection.
-Ross Callon
It is more complicated than you think.
-Ross Callon
Some things in life can never be fully appreciated nor understood unless experienced
firsthand. Some things in networking can never be fully understood by someone who
neither builds commercial networking equipment nor runs an operational network.
-Ross Callon
God put me on this Earth to accomplish certain things. Right now, I am so far behind, I
will never die.
-Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes
I try to make everyones life a little more surreal.
-Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes
It's not denial... I'm just very selective about the reality I accept.
-Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is
that none of it has tried to contact us.
-Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit
clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
-Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of
Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer conglomerates. Who'd have ever
guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so
harmoniously? It's a beautiful world all right.
-Calvin's Father, Calvin & Hobbes
The only skills I have the patience to learn are those that have no real application in life.
-Calvin's Father, Calvin & Hobbes
Bwah ha ha! I am evil and judgemental! My prejudices are all defensible, my
assessments accurate, my generalizations sweeping and all inclusive. Any evidence to the
contrary be damned.
-Jose Calvo
Get to know me before you hate me. Oh-no. I'll hate you right now, thank you. It's
usually too tough to get to know someone and what makes them tick so I'll hate you
without any basis except my desire to quickly and efficiently categorize people.
-Jose Calvo
I can appreciate what he's doing, which is creating a fetish club that isn't for fat people.
-Jose Calvo
I don't know if my strategy works for anyone else, but if people don't find me attractive, I
simply assume they've missed something and tell them how pretty I am.
-Jose Calvo
I don't mean to sound like a snob, but what's the story with the term "Gravers?" Are we
talking about the geeks with the bad hats? Canes? White face paint? Crow make-up?
Sunglasses at night? Long coats in the summer sun? These people are at the top of many
lists for gothic clubbing. I don't mean clubbing in the 'attending nightclubs on a regular
basis' sense, I mean 'knocked on the head like a harp seal until twitching ceases' variety.
-Jose Calvo
It's a done deal. You cannot be static and not think the trash won't catch up with you -
nothing is beyond the reach of a wannabe. Whatever you do that sticks out will
eventually be picked up by the garbage-eating mainstream. Either weather the storm,
keep moving and changing your style, or sit in a corner with me and whine about the way
things used to be even though they never were.
-Jose Calvo
It's just an act to get you off your guard. I'll be down your pants b4 you can say "spank
your own damn monkey!"
-Jose Calvo
Let's be scientific. Are you a Gemini?
-Jose Calvo
My new concept is gothic clubbing. That's not as in going to clubs, that's as in harp seals.
The list goes like this: anyone with a hat - club; white face - club; crow makeup - club;
spikes - club; rave dancing on the floor - club; leather jacket in the summer - club;
singing along outloud - club.
-Jose Calvo
You see! We may not agree on many points, but it takes someone we all despise to
galvanize our dislikes so we band together to form an ugly mob. Go hate!
-Jose Calvo
When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no
food, they call me a communist.
-Dom Helder Camara
All applicants from outside the English-speaking world must possess a fluent command
of English before admission. Cambridge accepts that the United States of America is a
part of the English speaking world, but only just.
-Cambridge University web site
*WARNING: These cartoons are merely satire and exaggeration. Camp Chaos is not a
spokesman for Napster Inc., the recording industry, Metallica, or Motley Crue, or Who
Wants to be a Millionaire? for that matter. We make silly cartoons which we hope
people, like you, will enjoy. If you want serious political discussion and opinion
regarding copyright laws, MP3s, or anything related, call the Supreme Court or your
Mom. You won't find anything seriously addressing these issues on our site. But there is
one thing we're serious about: elves. If you're an actual elf from a mystical forest, we hate
you and your whole elfin family. Elves bad!
-The Camp Chaos Mafia
A threesome? I'd love to have two guys. One could paint the walls while the other
cleaned up the kitchen. That would be such a turn on.
-AJ Campbell
And every spring, a new graduating class enters the workforce. Some have a well-
rounded view of operating systems, but for many there is only Unix.
-Gord Campbell
[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy.
-Joseph Campbell
If it can kill you, it can probably get you high.
-Robert Campbell
Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an
eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.
-Albert Camus
Do not wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day.
-Albert Camus
If the world were clear, art would have no purpose.
-Albert Camus
You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear
question.
-Albert Camus
Opinions expressed by said attorney do not reflect those of any rational person or his dog.
This communication via the Internet does not constitute legal advice; no attorney client
privilege has been established. Believe me, if this was legal advice, you would get a
really really big bill.
-Robert Cannon
Never assume intelligence.
-Jeff Cantor
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
-Al Capone
point out to me one person who's ever worked for Steve Jobs twice. You're kind of
disposable in Steve's eyes -- and I've been disposed of. All the ex-Mac people will tell
you, you only drink purple Kool-aid once.
-Steve Capps, Apple Finder and Newton developer
Everybody dies. What matters is what you do between now and when it happens to you.
-Orson Scott Card, Treasure Box
Everything possible to be believed is an image of the truth.
-Orson Scott Card, Seventh Son
Good people can't out-think evil, cause evil thinks of things good folks can't think of.
-Orson Scott Card, Homebody
I am your enemy, the first one you've ever had who was smarter than you. There is no
teacher but the enemy. No one but the enemy will ever tell you what the enemy is going
to do. No one but the enemy will ever teach you how to destroy and conquer. Only the
enemy shows you where you are weak. Only the enemy tells you where he is strong. And
the rules of the game are what you can do to him and what you can stop him from doing
to you. I am your enemy from now on. From now on, I am your teacher.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
I did it, and it worked. Memorize that defense. You may have to use it yourself someday.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
I don't know. Is it a longing? Is it a giddy stupid happiness just because you're with
me? ... That's influenza ... Watch for nausea or diarrhea within a few hours.
-Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind
I wish more people would shave with Occam's Razor.
-Orson Scott Card
I won't lie now, either. My job isn't to be friends. My job is to produce the best soldiers in
the world. In the whole history of the world. We need a Napoleon. An Alexander. Except
that Napoleon lost in the end, and Alexander flamed out and died young. We need a
Julius Caesar, except that he made himself dictator, and died for it. My job is to produce
such a creature, and all the men and women he'll need to help him. Nowhere in that does
it say that I have to make friends with children.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
'I'm not stupid!' In Bean's experience, that was a sentence never uttered except to prove
its own inaccuracy.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Shadow
Isn't that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of life.
-Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind
It is the downfall of evil, that it never sees far enough ahead.
-Orson Scott Card, Stone Tables
it's impossible to wear an identity without becoming what you pretend to be.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
It's our job. We're the wicked witch. We promise gingerbread, but we eat the little
bastards alive.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
Love is random; fear is inevitable.
-Orson Scott Card, Pastwatch: The Redemption of Christopher Columbus
Nobody controls his own life. The best you can do is choose to be controlled by good
people, by people who love you.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
Please don't disillusion me. I haven't had breakfast yet.
-Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind
Sometimes lies are more dependable than the truth.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
The wise are not wise because they make no mistakes. They are wise because they
correct their mistakes as soon as they recognize them.
-Orson Scott Card, Xenocide
Then I'll tell the truth. We're allowed to do that in emergencies. We can't plan for
everything, you know.
-Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game
Whenever I hear you saying, Rise and shine, rise and shine, it makes me think how lucky
dead people are!
-Orson Scott Card, Treasure Box
You're only so sure you're right because they're so sure you're wrong.
-Orson Scott Card, Xenocide
Your trust in rationality makes you irrational.
-Orson Scott Card, Children of the Mind
Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called
EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
-Drew Carey
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-George Carlin
RELAX. HAVE SOME DIP.
-George Carlin
So, you have this invisible man who lives in the clouds. He has a list of ten things you
can't do, and if you do do them, he will fry you. Yet, he loves you?
-George Carlin
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot
of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the
life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an
old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go
to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You
do drugs, alcohol, you party, and you get ready for high school. You go to grade school,
you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you
go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating... you finish off as an
orgasm.
-George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters
fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
-George Carlin
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
-Dale Carnegie
How come on the condom dispensers it has a little picture of birds flying over a pretty
mountain. They use sex to sell everything else, why don't they use sex to sell condoms???
-Jeff Carnegie
I still think if they're going to name it after someone, Joey Ramone is a more appropriate
choice. For one thing, he did more for Washington than Reagan ever did, and for another,
he's aleady dead.
-Avedon Carol
People writing about the "powerful Web presence" of the Tribune must never have
actually tried to navigate its site. They may have a "commitment" to online journalism;
they need to figure out how to make the experience different from walking to Canada
through knee-high split-pea soup.
-Jon Carroll
That's why the religious people are so freaked out about the Internet, not because of the
smut but because NO religion can stand up to access to information.
-Robert Carr
Grab your lube and make sure nobody sees you coming in here, because there's only one
reason for visiting the pay side - wanking!
-Asia Carrera
It is easy to be tolerant and openhearted in the good times. Our commitment to the ideals
of the Constitution is tested in the tough times. Freedom is freedom for all; that is why
our nation is worth protecting. It's not the purple mountain majesties; it's the sanctuary
promised at the entrance to New York Harbor. You are home now. Welcome.
-Jon Carroll
I always thought the sword was obviously mightier than the pen. Then someone stuck a
pen in some guy's neck at a nightclub I was at.
-David Carter
Okay, you guys could probably beat me up and take my money, but the first one of you
who comes at me never walks again. Any of you want to volunteer a weapon? I can hurt
you first if you want...
-David Carter, failing to get mugged
The trouble with radicals is that they read only radical literature and the trouble with
conservatives is that they don't read anything.
-Thomas Carter
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a
meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an
archbishop so you can meet girls.
-Matt Cartmill
Excess is bad in every way.
-Oleg Cassini
You just keep doing it and doing it and doing it.
-John Castle
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
-Wynn Catlin
The good news is that opportunity abounds for anybody and everybody with half a brain.
A complete brain is not even required for success anymore. Only a half-baked plan and
the determination to see it through.
-Mike Causey
If anything has the word 'science' in its name, it's not science. Political Science, Social
Science, Computer Science, ...
-George Cebulka
It is of men, and them only, that one should always be frightened.
-Louis Ferdinand Celine, Journey to the End of the Night
The poetry of heroism appeals irresistibly to those who don't go to a war, and even more
to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy.
-Louis Ferdinand Celine
That said, I could lose 300 engineers and still make my numbers.
-Cisco CEO John Chambers, as quoted on the back of a shirt whose front reads "ex-
Cisco engineer"
Entropy requires no maintenance.
-Markoff Chaney
Chaos can be expanded to room size or larger.
-Chaos World of Motion Millennium Builder construction toy box text
...dice aren't to tell a Storyteller what happens, dice are for SOUND EFFECTS
-Daniel Chapman
I have seen ten years of young men who rush out into the world with their messages, and
when they find how deaf the world is, they think they must save their strength and wait.
They believe that after a while they will be able to get up on some little eminence from
which they can make themselves heard. 'In a few years,' reasons one of them, 'I shall have
gained a standing, and then I will use my powers for good.' Next year comes and with it a
strange discovery. The man has lost his horizon of thought. His ambition has evaporated;
he has nothing to say. I give you this one rule of conduct. Do what you will, but speak out
always. Be shunned, be hated, be ridiculed, be scared, be in doubt, but don't be gagged.
The time of trial is always. Now is the appointed time.
-John Jay Chapman
If you wish to be useful, never take a course that will silence you. Refuse to learn
anything that implies collusion, whether it be a clerkship or a curacy, a legal fee or a post
in a university. Retain the power of speech no matter what other power you may lose. If
you can take this course, and in so far as you take it, you will bless this country. In so far
as you depart from this course you become dampers, mutes, and hooded executioners.
-John Jay Chapman
Try to raise a voice that will be heard from here to Albany and watch what comes
forward to shut off the sound. It is not a German sergeant, nor a Russian officer of the
precinct. It is a note from a friend of your father's offering you a place in his office. This
is your warning from the secret police.
-John Jay Chapman
There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them.
-Emile Chartier
Any idiot can face a crisis - it's the day to day living that wears you out.
-Anton Chekhov
There is no need for you to refer us to your lame home page.
-Ken Chen
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an
adventure wrongly considered.
-G. K. Chesterton
Christianity has not been tried and found wanting, it has been found difficult and left
untried.
-G. K. Chesterton
Monothestic Gods are soft and lazy.
-Chairoscuro Jantz
a lot of your thoughts seem influenced by this thing called crack.
-Peter Chang
I am Dyslexic, of Brog. Fesistence is rutile. You will be assissitated.
-Peter Chang
In an information economy, the most valuable company assets drive themselves home
every night. If they are not treated well, they do not return the next morning.
-Peter Chang
People always wonder why geek colleges like CalTech, MIT and CMU, populated as
they are by the low-status gimps who couldn't get invited to even the lamest parties in
high school, have such serious drinking problems. But think about it. Geeks have egos
too, and the easiest way to rise out of geekdom is to drink heavily. It's status in a bottle.
-Peter Chang
What?! Use PAPER, and an unindexed, non-online MICROFICHE like some goddamn
SAVAGE? My parents struggled to come this country so I can be free of the dreaded
abacus and counting wheels. I REFUSE to dishoner their sacrifice. How would they feel
if they know that I was reading an actual physical paper? Shame, that's what. Shame on
the family honor. Shame on me. Shame on our efforts to rise above our primative past.
-Peter Chang
I'm often asked why I left politics and went to Halliburton, and I explain that I reached
the point where I was mean-spirited, short-tempered and intolerant of those who
disagreed with me and they said, 'Hell, you'd make a great C.E.O.,' so I went to Texas
and joined the private sector.
-Dick Cheney
I'm done doing what I swore an oath to God 28 years ago to never do again. I've created,
"something that kills people." And in that purpose I was a success. I've done this, because
philosophically I'm sympathetic to your aim. I can tell you with no ego, this is my finest
sword. If on your journey, you should encounter God, God will be cut.
-Sonny Chibao as Hatori Hanzo in "Kill Bill: Vol. 1"
It's Wednesday. By tomorrow got to get two papers done, study for two tests, do my
laundry. I have to get my car washed, pick up a friend for the airport, find something for
her to do while I'm studying so she doesn't get bored. I need to talk to my parents. I need
to incorporate drinking in there somewhere...
-Stephanie Chimenti
I drink coffee because... I'm too laid back to take my daily quota of stress without it.
-Jonathan Chin
Love and Genius are two of the most over-used words in the language.
-Hank Chinaski, "Hollywood"
We each had a good hit. Then we refilled our glasses and walked out. At one time I used
to refer to Sarah and me as Zelda and Scott, but that bothered her because she didn't like
the way Zelda had ended up. And I didn't like what Scott had typed. So, we had
abandoned our sense of humor there.
-Hank Chinaski, "Hollywood"
May you live in interesting times.
-traditional Chinese curse
May your fondest wish be granted.
-traditional Chinese curse
First and foremost, the stupid people need to shut up and let the more intelligent folks
speak.
-Pankaj Chowdhry
Unfortunately, perceptions of the Linux community are shaped by Web sites such as
www.slashdot.org, where self-styled experts who have the collective IQ of an AOL CD
post inflammatory propaganda.
-Pankaj Chowdhry
Dean is an experienced customer relations team leader... and he's now authorized to bathe
you in the healing light of forgiveness.
-Jesus Christ, The Onion Radio News
every woman has one fat friend, but very rarely do they have 2.
-Jason Christian
If that makes your lawyers or managers happy, well, good for them. You still have a lot
to worry about.
-Tom Christiansen, note on the Perl Y2K disclaimer
I saw Chris that afternoon and he invited me to come over to your party. We were also
having a party at our house that same night and a friend of mine asked me to come to his
party at Roselawn 10 the same night. Now, being the party animal that I am, I had
intentions of going to all three parties and taking my fill. However, being the drunken
chink bastard that I am, I passed out at 11:00.
-Eugene Chung
It is incredibly hot up here today. It's digustingly hot, the air is thick, sticky dirty fumes
are emanating from strange places, and I'm afraid to move around too fast. I feel like I'm
in someone's asshole. Not that I would know.
-Kelli Church
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-Winston Churchill
History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
-Winston Churchill
I was told it had been blown up by Oliver Cromwell. I understood definitely that he had
blown up all sorts of things and was therefore a very great man.
-Winston Churchill
In this crisis I think I may be pardoned if I do not address the House at any length today,
and I hope that any of my friends and colleagues or former colleagues who are affected
by the political reconstruction will make all allowances for any lack of ceremony with
which it has been necessary to act. I say to the House as I said to ministers who have
joined this government, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. We have
before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many months of
struggle and suffering. You ask, what is our policy? I say it is to wage war by land, sea,
and air. War with all our might and with all the strength God has given us, and to wage
war against a monstrous tyranny never surpassed in the dark and lamentable catalogue of
human crime. That is our policy. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word. It
is victory. Victory at all costs - Victory in spite of all terrors - Victory, however long and
hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival.
-Winston Churchill
in wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies.
-Winston Churchill
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry
off as if nothing ever happened.
-Winston Churchill
Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never.
-Winston Churchill
Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end
of the beginning.
-Winston Churchill
Success is never final.
-Winston Churchill
When going through hell, keep going.
-Winston Churchill
You must sleep sometime between lunch and dinner, and no halfway measures. Take off
your clothes and get into bed. That's what I always do. Don't think you will be doing less
work because you sleep during the day. That's a foolish notion held by people who have
no imaginations. You will be able to accomplish more. You get two days in one -- well,
at least one and a half.
-Winston Churchill
All the physics you have learned so far is massless, frictionless, and pointless.
-Dr. Chyu
You have been ordered to guard the President's life and to shoot anyone who attempts to
get closer than 15 feet to him. While you are guarding him at a public occasion, a little, 6
year old girl runs at the President and gets too close. What is the first thing you feel after
shooting her?
-from an alleged CIA psychological evaluation
A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to
be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea.
-John Ciardi
A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students.
-John Ciardi
Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves
that they have a better idea.
-John Ciardi
A room without books is like a body without a soul.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero
The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of
the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must
be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work,
instead of living on public assistance.
-Marcus Tullius Cicero
if people dislike our government so much, why do so many line up to become citizens?
-Tom Clancy
The way it happens is that it happens and then you talk about it, rather than talking about
it and then trying to make it happen.
-Eric Clapton
I can really identify with video games. The more I play them, the more I find they mirror
the aggression and sex which I yearn for in my own life.
-Paul Santa Clara
I don't know how it works in DC, but up here in Philly, people who quote the Cure aren't
allowed to have opinions.
-Paul Santa Clara
When the final design seems too simple for the amount of work you've put in, then you
know you're done.
-Brady Clark
Good music is the key to good design. Go out and get yourself some CDs with that big
fat advance check from The Man.
-Brady Clark
Despite popular belief, clip art ce n'est un faux pas, much like using trite French
expressions to hide that you don't know what you're talking about.
-Brady Clark
You are hearby being notified of my intent to sue MacinTouch.com for damages caused
by snorking coffee up my nose while reading the April 1 edition of your web page.
-John Clark
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-Arthur C. Clarke
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
-Arthur C. Clarke
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the
impossible.
-Arthur C. Clarke
There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum.
-Arthur C. Clarke
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost
certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
-Arthur C. Clarke
So, in the interests of balanced journalism, I managed to find a five-minute gap in the
Marquess of Blandford's diary when he actually had a driving licence, and asked him to
have a go. One hour later, he was back beaming the smile of a man who had been taken a
little closer to Godhood: "You've got to understand a 911's little foibles. If you really
understand these cars, you will know that this is just the best of them all." He is sitting
behind me now, tied to the chair with a bar of soap in his mouth. And I won't let him go
until he stops calling my Ferrari a Fiat and admits that the worst car in the world is not, as
we had suspected, the Vauxhall Vectra.
-Jeremy Clarkson
I don't have a fear of flying. I have a fear of not flying.
-Andrew Dice Clay
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill
them.
-William Clayton
America is the only nation in history which miraculously has gone directly from
barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilization.
-Georges Clemenceau
I don't think we should leave here with this vast sense of insecurity. We ought to leave
here with a sense of confidence that this is a challenge that was entirely predictable. It's
part of the price of the success of the Internet.
-President William Jefferson Clinton
When you're a Democrat, you win when people think.
-President William Jefferson Clinton
For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.
-R. Clopton
After nearly a year of speculation and media hype, inventor and entrepreneur Dean
Kamen will unveil "Ginger" on ABC's "Good Morning America" Monday, an invention
that some say could change the world and others believe is a motor scooter.
-CNN.com
They keep telling us that in war truth is the first casualty, which is nonsense since it
implies that in times of peace truth stays out of the sick bay or the graveyard.
-Alexander Cockburn
We could start a bunch of foreign subsidiaries, and push all of our debt into them! That
way our balance sheet would show nothing but profits! Profits here, debt there. Our debt
would be taking a little vacation in the Caymans. In fact, I'm jealous of our debt, laying
on the beach, getting a tan...
-Stephen Colbert
We talk about sex. Hefner has a sense of its history in America as another man might
have a sense of his own hand.
-Chris Colin, Salon
so, today, I am going to do what any normal women in my position would do. I'm going
to go shopping.
-Kristyna Collier
Fear is like the microwavable version of respect. It doesn't taste as good, but it's much
easier to make.
-Jack Collins
I prefer "I got chunks of guys more punk rock than you in my stool!" But I don't judge a
mundane by their clothes so much as by the fear in their eyes...
-Jack Collins
It would be damn hard to burn the library of Alexandria if it had mirror sites.
-Jack Collins
Try walking down the street chanting "Gun good! Penis Bad!" It's fun.
-J.J. "Blackjack" Collins
Better than The Anarchist's Cookbook? The babblings of a demented old man with
alzheimer's disease is better than the anarchist's cookbook.
-Mike Collins
Oh, you're Eeyore! I know you, you're a doof-head!
-Wallace Colyer
True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
-Charles Caleb Colton
Many of the biggest, most exciting things in your life will happen because you made a
bold and irrational decision.
-Patrick Combs
Cousteau's films about the lives of sea creatures were perhaps the only french films in
history to not feature nudity and a complex sub-plot about socialism.
-Comedy Central News
Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible.
-Frank Moore Colby
for nothing in this world can you trust....not man, not woman, not beast.... this you can
trust.
-Conan the Barbarian on his sword
If language is not correct, then what is said is not what is meant; if what is said is not
what is meant, then what must be done remains undone; if this remains undone, morals
and art will deteriorate; if justice goes astray, the people will stand about in helpless
confusion. Hence there must be no arbitrariness in what is said. This matters above
everything.
-Confucius
Virtue is not left to stand alone. He who practices it will have neighbors.
-Confucius
Heaven has no rage, like love to hatred turned, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned.
-William Congreve
You wanna know how to nail Capone? This is how you nail Capone: he pulls a knife you
pull a gun, he puts one of yours in the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue.
THAT'S how you nail Capone.
-Sean Connery in "The Untouchables"
Jesus Christ, I've had more new good ideas this week than ... must be that new dog food.
-Tom Connery
Comprehension is a problem here. You want to begin your paragraph with a topic
sentence, followed by two or three sentences that illustrate your point. Your final
sentence should sum up and conclude what you said. Your above assault on English
syntax should not be tolerated...
-Fran Connor
I hate this business. If I didn't hate getting up in the morning more, I'd chuck it all in and
get a proper job tomorrow.
-John Constantine
Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
-Cookie
there is a time in every young boy's life when he realizes that he will never be able to
have slo-mo undulating sex with kelly mcgillis while the air turns blue and "take my
breath away" softly plays in the background.
-Judith Cookson
No matter how cool your interface, it would be better if there were less of it.
-Alan Cooper
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and
better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
-Rich Cook
He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original.
-Alice Cooper on Marilyn Manson
To stop the flow of music would be like the stopping of time itself, incredible and
inconceivable.
-Aaron Copland
The virgin kleenex tissue is difficult to coax, but once snared is quickly used and
discarded. Thereafter, each tissue is always aroused and aflutter, eagerly awaiting the
next juicy spillage.
-Celeste Copland
Who said personal expression has to be emotional and agonizing? Just use a computer.
It's easy.
-The Corporation
That which does not kill us makes us hungry.
-Lord Corun
I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages of documentation,
and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out of the gene pool.
-Joseph Costello
The world revolves around the sun, not your head.
-Copernicus
We desperately need a buzzword compliant operating system that we can build on.
-Carl de Cordova, Internet Evangelist, Apple Computer
If the President protects you, Commander, he may have to do it with a bomb. Now I've
known the man for fifteen years. The problem is: he will protect you. So I'm asking you:
don't make him protect you. Don't get shot at.
-Kevin Costner as Ken O'Donnell, Thirteen Days
The government's logical calculus on flight security has long been: Really Annoying
equals Safe Plane.
-Ann Coulter
We need to execute people like John Walker in order to physically intimidate liberals...
-Ann Coulter
Kids... fire up those crack pipes again!
-Douglas Coupland
TO: Hilary B. Rosen, President and CEO, Recording Industry Association of America
(RIAA); FROM: David Coursey; RE: Stop whining and grow up
-David Coursey
We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human
journey.
-Stephen Covey
And help me to remember..... When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people
are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to extend my
middle finger and tell them to bite me.
-Joe Covington
...much of Usenet is essentially "My tribal deity can beat your tribal deity"!
-Michael Covington
I have no intention of scaring people. That's the administration's job.
-Chris Cox
Think all crack is created equal? What are you smoking?
-Crack Afficionado
I'm not saying that you should sell something that isn't the truth, just that the inherent
wisdom of your words may not be apparent to everyone. You can argue that it should be,
but that will get you very nowhere, because these people come from a different planet
then you do.
-Alex Crain
The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it is your move.
-Frank Crane
Indifference is a militant thing.... When it goes away it leaves smoking ruins, where lie
citizens bayonetted through the throat. It is not a children's pastime like mere highway
robbery.
-Stephen Crane
Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it.
-Seymour Cray
Parity is for farmers.
-Seymour Cray
I'd hate to think we're seriously hampering the productivity of America. But, on the other
hand, what the heck!
-Les Crane, computer game magnate, in "Time"
Of course power tools and alcohol don't mix. Everyone knows power tools aren't soluble
in alcohol.
-Crazy Nigel
You'll note I didn't post the link until my order was confirmed. I'm all about sharing the
love, but not at the risk of having the love backordered.
-CrazyUncleJoe, MetaFilter
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas Instruments.
-from "The Creation of the Universe" on PBS
Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most
part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told--and become upset if they
are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but
conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for
territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their
'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior, which has evolutionary importance
among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I
see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive
conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion.
-Michael Crichton -The Lost World
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-
Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year,
killing everyone inside.
-Robert Cringely
With no debt and $10 billion in cash, Microsoft can buy or build any sort of future it
wants. All the rest of us can do is lie back and think of England.
-Robert Cringely
He who stops being better stops being good.
-Oliver Cromwell
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to
hear him, is he still wrong?
-Kate Cronin
pardon me for being crass but: who cares.
-Kate Cronin
Jabba the Hut has stolen the world's precious supply of Yoo-Hoo chocolaty beverage!
-Kate Cronin
Speak softly, move clandestinely, and carry a big carrot.
-James Crotty
Unprofessional? Us? Sir. Might I with due respect remind you that Mister Vandemar and
myself burned down the City of Troy? We brought the Black Plague to Flanders. We
have assasinated a dozen kings, five popes, half a hundred heroes and two accredited
gods. Our last commission before this was the torturing to death of an entire monastery in
sixteenth century Tuscany. We are utterly professional.
-Mr. Croup, Neverwhere
My point? My point is that we are assassins. We are cutthroats. We kill.
-Mr. Croup, Neverwhere
Being more or less bankrupt, the best thing that we can do is to attack the problem afresh
without preconceived ideas. Let us begin by doubting every statement.
-Aleister Crowley
Destiny is an absolutely definite and inexorable ruler. Physical ability and moral
determination count for nothing. It is impossible to perform the simplest act when the
gods say "no." I have no idea how they bring pressure to bear on such occasions; I only
know that it is irresistible.
-Aleister Crowley
...every man is a condemned criminal, only he does not know the date of his execution.
-Aleister Crowley
Existence, as we know it, is full of sorrow.
-Aleister Crowley
I have never grown out of the infantile belief that the universe was made for me to suck.
-Aleister Crowley
It sometimes strikes me that the whole of science is a piece of impudence; that nature can
afford to ignore our impertinent interference. If our monkey mischief should ever reach
the point of blowing up the earth by decomposing an atom, and even annihilated the sun
himself, I cannot really suppose that the universe would turn a hair.
-Aleister Crowley
Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy
adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in
satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not.
-Aleister Crowley
Practically all religions and all philosophies have started thus crudely, by promising their
adherents some such reward as immortality. No religion has failed hitherto by not
promising enough
-Aleister Crowley
The people who have really made history are the martyrs.
-Aleister Crowley
The supreme satisfaction is to be able to despise one's neighbour and this fact goes far to
account for religious intolerance. It is evidently consoling to reflect that the people next
door are headed for hell.
-Aleister Crowley
Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.
-Mary C. Crowley
Back then... those were the naive youthful days of Street Fighter II.... As opposed to the
brutal harsh reality of Mortal Kombat II.
-Andrew Crown
Ringfinger? What is this? When are they going to play some Nine Inch Nails?
-Andrew Crown
No relation. Although we both need to get laid.
-Andrew Crown
Wow... I can't type any more... Mr. Happy can type for me. It's sort of a variation on that
'hunt and peck' thing.
-Andrew Crown
I'm not only fat but I'm drunk and I like to go to the movies.
-Jennifer Crown
The happiest people spend much time in a state of flow - the state in which people are so
involved in an activity that nothing else seems to matter; the experience itself is so
enjoyable that people will do it even at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it.
-Mihaly Csikzentmihalyi
CMU was a hard place. Human life was cheap. Respect for God and clean language was
non-existant. Murder and death were the code of existence. Exceptionally foul language
occurred nearly every three to four minutes.
-Cube, Forum2000
Science and engineering research are inherently depressing. You spend all your time
working on a problem confused. If you cease being confused, it means that you've solved
the problem and move on the next one. Thus, 99% of your time is spent in a state of
confusion.
-Cube, Forum2000
Sendmail is my life. Sendmail sucks. Therefore, my life sucks.
-Nick Cuccia
It's too much of a hassle to have fun.
-Sarah Cullen
Kids are dumb....but they're also smart.
-Sarah Cullen
There's just too much going on in the world. No really, I mean it! I'm serious!
-Sarah Cullen
Why is everything I say so dumb?
-Sarah Cullen
Warning: Not a religion, do not worship.
-Cult of Pac Man
To be nobody-but-myself -- in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you
everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and
never stop fighting.
-e. e. cummings
This explains a lot about me. I thought it was the heavy drinking, the late hours, the
barking mad women, the lying around in bed reading novels and eating Nescafe out of a
jar with the spoon. But it's because of the Mac.
-Tony Cunningham
I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.
-Madame Curie
If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you flick our ears, do we not go 'Ow! Ow! My ears!?'
-Curried Goat
Style over substance.
-Cyberpunk motto