for long hours.” (Unfortunately, they would later reappear once he began to teach.)In the spring of 1967, while at the seminary, Jones suffered what doctors diagnosedas an anxiety attack, but he believed it was a crisis in which he had died. Because of Rudi’s stress on the practice of self-observation (oddly, the fundamental practice of self-remembering, embodiment, is never mentioned either by Jones or Rudi in any of their books), Jones believed he had observed his own death. This experience validated his belief that the fundamental dilemma of all human seeking and suffering was that of aseparative and narcissistic avoidance of relationship with “the unqualified state of reality.” Finding his superiors at the seminary didn’t agree with him, he then joined theEastern Orthodox Church with the idea of becoming a priest, only to learn that an ancientcanonical law prevented a man from becoming a priest if he is married to a divorcedwoman, as Nina was.
The Death of Narcissus Denied
The religious avenue blocked, he and Nina returned to New York in the fall of 1967. He spoke to Rudi about what he took to be the death in him of Narcissus, but hesays Rudi also “tended to interpret my seminary experience negatively.” Thereafter, if not before, he increasingly became aware of what he considered Rudi’s limitations. He foundRudi’s conversation “a constant stream of strongly communicated moods, alternating between talk of Spiritual life, his experiences in India, his Spiritual experience andvisions, and the perpetual absorption in business. His business was his principal Yoga.And if you did not know or accept this about him, you could become angry at whatappeared to be his perpetual concern with business and the store.” Jones came to believethat “Rudi was not himself prepared (ultimately and perfectly) to liberate others, or to bring anyone to any truly high or otherwise ultimate Realization.”One day at Rudi’s store Jones found some pamphlets of Rudi’s guru, BabaMuktananda. He was determined to get to India once he read that Baba maintained“Spiritual life is not a matter of egoic effort on the part of the disciple. It is a matter of theGuru’s grace, the Guru’s free gift. The disciple needs only to come to the Guru and enjoythe Guru’s grace. It is as easy as flowers in sunlight.” Learning that he and Nina couldreceive a 90% discount in airfare after he earned a two-day vacation, he got a job withPan American Airways. He traded four days off with some fellow workers so that hewould have six days in all to travel to India and back. In April 1968 he and Nina went toBaba’s ashram at Ganeshpuri, a few hours drive from Bombay. He meditated and chantedand listened to Baba’s dialogues (all translated, for Baba spoke only Hindi) and had manykundalini experiences, visions and the like. But Jones wasn’t satisfied. With typicalintensity he said, “When the last day arrived, I was desperate. I had come for more thanthis. I had come for everything!”Strangely, on his return to New York, though he and Baba had a number of warmexchanges of letters, Jones joined Scientology and became an auditor and trained to become a teacher. There he met a young woman, Patricia Morley, who would come tolive with him and Nina and Sal Lucanias, with whom he became close friends. In taking