TOP 5 Reasons

WHY THE MTA IS BROKE

(The Secret Files)
Increase fares. Decrease service. Increase frustrations. Decrease
morale. That has pretty much become the unofficial slogan for the
MTA (Metropolitan Transportation Authority, for all you non-New
Yorkers) over the last several years. Yes, we all want to know how
an organization with millions of customers daily, continues to find
themselves in the red. It’s simple. Why is it simple Dre? Good
question reader; it’s simple because I got my detective on, snuck into
MTA headquarters, searched thru files and found out exactly where
all the money has gone. Unfortunately, I was only able to find
financial information on the subway system (sorry Staten Island)!
________________________________________________
FUN FACT: Despite the subway cars having an emergency
cord to pull, you are never to pull this cord…umm,
even if it’s an emergency!
_______________________________________________________

Here we go…
5) Those Dope Ass Train Conductor Shades! You won’t find these
on Canal Street. They have to be cool, I mean, even the Fresh
Prince is rockin’ them. They must be $$$!

4) The Turnstile Jumper! All the money that the poor, poor MTA
must be losing when those school kids or ‘not so school kids’ hurdle
over the metal bars instead of using their Metrocards…while we’re at
it, blame those 2-year-olds that just walk under without paying either!
 Practice makes perfect!

3) I’m Sorry, What’s Your Name Again? So apparently, when the

MTA and NYC decided to rename the Triboro Bridge to the Robert F.
Kennedy Bridge, somebody felt 4 million dollars was a good price.
Damn, I know 4 million other things I could do with 4 million dollars,
and this name change idea, just missed my list…hmmm! Some
green paint and a marker, and you good to go! No more than $17.

For 4 Million, I hope this sign can light up and…find a cure for cancer too!
2) What You Looking At? Although my bank account isn’t reflecting
it, we as commuters must be on MTA’s payroll, since it’s our job to
‘See Something, Say Something’. Well, let me try this out…umm, I
see a train…I see the word, ‘PRAY’ etched into a bunch of subway
signs…I see over excited tourist snapping pics…I see no workers
around to say what I’m seeing! That was simple!

I see dea…fare hikes coming again soon

1) We Don’t Die, We Multiply! You know what I’m gettin at! We all
see it…we don’t say anything…we just look in amazement …its like
going to the Bronx Zoo for free, minus the lions, monkeys, elephants
and all those other cool animals that some weird people make as
household pets…anyway, I’m talking about the rats! Searching
through these files, it seems that despite the MTA seeming to want to
kill these Mickey’s…in reality, they’re keeping them alive and
growing…growing faster than Kelis’s bank account!
 Rats Say: Thanks MTA Kelis Says: Thanks Nas

-Gerre ‘Dre’ Bettis

April 13, 2010