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‡ We are relational creatures.
‡ Positive Affirming relationships
‡ Poor relationships
‡ Consider our relationships
‡ Relationships are dynamic creatures
‡ There are 5 fundamental love languages.
‡ Primary love language?
‡ Why do I need to know these languages?
± To learn how to express love
± To enhance human relationships.
± To teach appreciation for what is done for us.
‡ Need to understand the different love
languages to understand the meaning
behind the words and actions.

‡ To be an effective lover ð discover other

people¶s primary love language.
 Ê
   

 
   



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 wove wanguage #1
Words of affirmation:

True statements affirming the

worth of another person.
|peaking The Dialects Of Affirming
Words
‡ Words of appreciation
‡ Words of
encouragement
‡ Words of praise
‡ Kind words
 |ome Practical Points
‡ |tart where you are.

‡ Be active, not passive.

‡ Choose a strategy for expressing love.

‡ Remember that love is a Ô
Ô.

 w
w
 
È A gift is a tangible object that says many
things.
È The important thing is : the emotional love
that was communicated.
È A gift is a visual symbol of love
È Given with no strings attached
§

  

 
  ! "#!  
  ! ""  
 "   !
   
  !
 "   #    $! " !
 

‡     !"
‡ # !  !  "
‡ !  !## !#$
± #   !#
‡
%  #   &#
‡ '!   ( (  ð
#   !# # !#& 
‡ |ome gifts may:
± Only last a few hours/ days
± Be hand made or bought
± Come in any shape, size or colour
‡ If the primary love language is gifts: what
is most important is the expression of love
attached to it
‡ þ ##   !  #  #

‡ ! !)    & !#

± þ(#  (## & !(&

 (! )  # ) 
* !&) ((&
‡ If someone is not comfortable
accepting your gift accept and respect
their wishes.

‡ Change our attitude about money to

become an effective gift giver.
#! *
##*#!

wove wanguage #3:
Acts of service
 |ervant vs |lavery
!)
-the heart of dysfunctional families.
-Hardens heart
-Creates anger, bitterness, resentment
 |ervant vs |lavery
!
- |ervice given freely
- Without fear
- Out of choice
 hany acts of service
+ 
-Helping with chores
-Giving a lift
-Doing a favor for someone

(#%#&!,!&#
 Difficult for some
- hay offend some people.
- Therefore, before doing an act of service, ask.
- If it¶s not natural, its still a love language worth
acquiring. Therefore,

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§
 Ô 
 Mxample
‡ hartha¶s story
 |uggestion for hartha
‡ |peak the truth to yourself.
‡ Find out what is going on inside hark
-What does he feel about the relationship?
-Does he have romantic feelings?
 Conclusion
‡ It is important for us to know our primary
love language.
‡ When we learn to speak each other¶s love
language early in our relationships, we are
able to keep each other¶s love tanks full.
 [uestions to think about
‡ How freely you express acts of service to others?
‡ What acts of service have you done for your family,
friend or someone with whom you have a dating
relationship the last three months?
‡ Did your father speak the love language acts of
service similar to hartha¶s father? What about your
mother?
‡ Would you be willing to set a goal of speaking the
love language acts of service at least once a week
to someone you care about?
wove wanguage #4

[uality Time
 What is [uality Time?
‡ Central aspect: Togetherness
± Undivided attention
± Feeling connected

‡ Powerful emotional communicator

‡ What happens on the emotional level is

what matters
 Dialects of [uality Time
‡ [uality Conversations

‡ [uality wistening

‡ [uality Activities
 [uality Conversations
‡ Def: |haring experiences, thoughts,
feelings & desires in a friendly context.
‡ Hearing
± wistening sympathetically
± Desire to understand
‡ Talking
± Communicate
± Get in touch with self ĺ verbalize
 [uality wistening
‡ Def: |ympathetic listening with the view to
understand the other person.

‡ Guidelines to be a listener
 Guidelines to be a Good wistener
1. haintain eye contact when listening

2. Don¶t engage in other activity while

listening

3. wisten for feelings

4. Observe body language

 Guidelines to be a Good wistener
5. Refuse to interrupt

6. Ask reflective questions

7. Mxpress understanding

8. Ask if there is anything you might do that

would be helpful
 [uality Activities
‡ Focus:
Being together, doing things together,
giving each other undivided attention

‡ Mmphasis:
NOT what you are doing, but on WHY you
are doing it
wove wanguage #5

Physical Touch
 The 5 |enses
‡ |ight = eyes
‡ |mell = Nose
‡ Hear = ears
‡ Taste = mouth
‡ wimited to 1 area
 M MRYWHMRM

‡ TOUCH = M MRYWHMRM

‡ Not limited to 1 area
‡ Head to toe- covered with receptors
‡ |ensitivity varies
± Fingers = more
± Back = less
 Purpose
‡ hake or break relationship
‡ Communication
± love or hate
± Mx: shaking hands
‡ Interpretation of touch
± Warm / cold
± Pain / pleasure
± woving / hateful
 Kinds of Touches
‡ Appropriate and inappropriate
± |ame sex and opposite sex
± Physical abuse and sexual harassment
‡ Dialects of touch (hanner of touch)
‡ Implicit and Mxplicit
 Implicit and Mxplicit
Implicit Mxplicit
‡|ubtle ‡Requires full attention
‡Takes only a moment ‡hore time
‡Mx: a pat on the back ‡Developing of
understanding ( time ,
money, energy)
‡Mx: back rub
 Primary wove wanguage
‡ Touches will speak much louder than
words
‡ To touch your body is to touch you
(personal)
‡ Mx: a hug communicates love but a ³HUG´
shouts love
‡ Withholding touch will isolate and raise
doubts about love
 NOT

‡ Touching someone takes much thought
‡ Does not respond positively
‡ |tiff / uneasy / withdraw
‡ Invasion of personal space
‡ Mmotionally uncomfortable
‡ |carred / upbringing
 M MRYBODY
‡ Time of crisis, everyone needs to feel love
‡ Unique opportunity to express love
‡ Touch is a powerful communicator of love
‡ Can¶t change events, but can survive it
‡ Touch will be needed hORM THAN other
love languages
‡ Touch will be remembered long after crisis
‡ Failure to touch will never be forgotten
 wearning to Touch
‡ wearn by doing
‡ The more often you do it, the more
comfortable it will feel
‡ Will get a response
‡ Case study : different love language ð
learning a new language ð building the
relationship
 Timing Those Touches
‡ Determined by mood and desire of other
person
‡ Mx: Door
‡ Observe body language
± Appropriate time: down / achievement
± Inappropriate time: angry
 The |etting
‡ Appropriate place for touching
‡ Mx: Kid ð teen ( football league )
‡ aries from place to place ( private and
public places)
‡ Respecting the other person¶s desires
 The hanner
‡ Dialects: hugs, kisses, back rubs, pats,
massages, arm wrestling
‡ Unique individuals, different preference
‡ Mmotional climate
± |ame touch different context
 |peak it

‡ wearning to speak the other¶s ww is the
most effective way to love
‡ Mnhance well-being of other person (not
satisfy own desires)
‡ Can¶t force own dialect or own ww ( be
sensitive)
‡ Just a note, there are those who speak
one love language but wish to receive in
another language.

‡ Generally the love language we speak is

the love language we desire
 I don¶t know what my
primary love language is so how?
‡ haybe its because you have:
± Never thought about love in this manner.
± You have always felt loved and received love
in all 5 languages.
± You have never felt love.
 Discovering own Primary
wove wanguage
‡ Observe your own behavior
± How do you express love/ appreciation to
other people
± You do for others what you want others to do
for you
‡ Observe what you request of others
± Our request tend to indicate our emotional
needs

‡ wisten to your complaints

± Complaints reveal our emotional hurts

‡ One other question to ask:

³What do I want most in a friendship?´
 Discovering The wove wanguage
of Others
‡ Observe their expressions, complaints and
request.

‡ Ask: ³What would you like me to do to

show my appreciation for you?´

‡ Mxperiment
‡ This is only a brief summary
‡ Hope this will help you learn how to:
± |peak all 5 love language where appropriate
± Be a better person in your relationships
± Have a positive impact in your daily life
‡ wearning a new love language is not easy
± But person to feel genuinely loved ð must
speak in that person¶s primary love language
wet¶s put into use what you have learnt in
this workshop to show others that you love
them
|ome questions for you to consider
‡ Which of your relationships are healthy loving
relationships?
‡ Which relationships would you like to see
improved? What steps will you take to
improve it?
‡ Are you willing to invest time to learn how to
speak the 5 love languages?
‡ Has there been someone speaking to you in
a love language that you did not recognize
before?
˜Ê