FREE

BRUSSELS!

THE
BIG
NUMBER
TWO
 WE COULDN’T FIND ANY DECENT PARTIES, SO WE MADE OUR OWN
WE COULDN’T FIND ANY DECENT SHORT FILMS, SO WE MADE OUR OWN
WE COULDN’T FIND ANY DECENT FREE MAGAZINES, SO WE MADE OUR OWN

FUCK YOU BRUSSELS!

 RIDE THE DARKER WAVE
5

STILL GOOD
9

NAKED CHICKS
16

GIRLS ON CRUTCHES
25

FIXIE POLO
27

KAPITAN KORSAKOV
31

HANDS FOR BANDS

33

BAD INC.
39

PUBLIC ART
41

PLUS MUCH, MUCH MORE...

WE FOUGHT THE LAW...

3
As promised in the last issue, we
staged a mass lie down, based on
a ridiculous law. The one that sta-
tes: Publishing photos and lying
down on the Grand Place is an il-
legal practice. It was however the
worst day we could have chosen
as a parade of fucking hippies al-
most flummoxed our carefully or-
chestrated plan.
Eventually at around 4.15pm we
managed to get enough people to-
gether who were prepared to break
the law.
So Here it is!
Big thanks to everybody that came
along. Especially those who helped
out by standing on crates of beer
shouting FUCK YOU! Now lets see if
we get arrested!
Further stupid laws in Belgium
also include:

1. It is against the law to insinuate

that someone is Swedish.

2. In Antwerp: It is illegal to wear

a red hat while walking down the
main street.

3. Women must not be taller than

5ft 6 inches.

4. A girl must have written permis-

sion from her father before she can
wear a mini skirt that is more than

4 inches above her knee.

5. It is still legal to throw Brussels

sprouts at tourists.

Feel free to try any of the above, but

make sure to send in some photos!
RIDE THE DARKER WAVE
STILL GOOD
We got really drunk at the Belgian launch of Parisian brand Still Good with Brodinski. We didn’t talk to him that
much, but did ask the all-important final question.
We love Still Good because of all the technical details, with simple graphics. Like RRL or Kapital, this is a Desig-
ners brand. i.e. it doesn’t look like much at first (in this case clean & simple), but the depth of detail, workman-
ship, and fabric sets it apart from anything in its price range. We liked it so much, that we put it on the front
cover!

FUB: So who the fuck are you? FUB: But?

CT: My name is Clement Taverniti.
FUB: And what the fuck do you do?
CT: I live in Paris. I moved there from the South of
France near Toulouse like four years ago.
FUB: And you don’t know Jack of Hearts? They’re
from Toulouse.
CT: No, I don’t know them, sorry.
FUB: Jesus, they really are only big in Brussels.
CT: So when I got to Paris I studied fashion business
and then I decided to create my own brand, cause I’ve
always loved graphics.
FUB: What do you think of Faffy?
CT: I love her work. She’s really interesting and im-
pressive.
CT: There’s no but, it’s just not my style. I discovered
Faffy in Toulouse. She painted walls in Toulouse. It’s
graphic art, it’s not for clothes.
FUB: What is your brand called?
CT: It’s called Still Good. In the 80’s my father had his
own brand, Jimmy Taverniti. He developed the iron
dry technique for jeans.
FUB: You mean sta-prest? That was developed by Le-
vis in 1964! Don’t lie.
CT: (Laughs) Their first ad was a homeless guy who
takes jeans out of the trash and it’s still good.
FUB: Like in Zoolander? Did you see it? Did you like
it?
CT: Yeah.

9
FUB: Tell us about your plans for
Still Good.
CT: When I started I really wan-
ted a t-shirt brand with minima-
listic graphics but with some de-
tails on it.
FUB: You should check out the
band Salem from New York. They
also have these minimalistic gra-
phics going on. The music is this
slow new wave.
CT: Heroin addicts must like it.
So I worked with this brand Hun-
ker that is very famous in Paris.
They give a very important mes-
sage through all the clothes they
make.
FUB: Sorry I just flicked a ciga-
rette at someone’s ass. I actually
hit them and they got really an-
gry … So what is your most recent
collection? Or what are you doing
tonight at Street Teaser?
CT: I was the winner of the fa-
shion designer contest of the
Who’s Next fashion blog.
(Who’s Next is a fashion trade fair
in Paris. It’s like Bread and Butter
but not as cool.)
CT: So you were in the new brand
section?
FUB: Yeah.
FUB: Did you have to pay for
that?
CT: No because I won the contest.
I posted my creations on their
blog and after facing the judges
they told me …
FUB: ... “You’re a fucking genius,
we love you”?
CT: So I won the contest and had
the opportunity to show my coll-
ection to the fashion world and
stores all over the world.
FUB: I used to go to New York
every few of months and I noti-
ced last time, that everyone was
dressed in black and white. They
have gone away from that nu rave
multi colour shit. Are you riding
the black and white wave?
CT: Yeah, I love the black and
white style. All my t-shirts are
black and white but the graphics
are in colour.
FUB: Do you know Mandarina
Duck? In the early 90’s they had
this iconic yellow square. Do you
have some logo that does the same
thing? Or a plan to do that?
CT: The logo of the brand are
three triangles that stand for trinity
FUB: So you’re religious?
CT: It can be a message of religion.
FUB: Don’t bullshit me. It’s fashion. If you are reli-
gious you can fuck off and we’ll end this interview
now.
CT: I learned an important lesson in the fashion
world and that is to make clothes with a message. I
don’t like to make clothes just to make clothes. I de-
velop my own message on every t-shirt.
FUB: Would you like to do a collaboration with FUCK
YOU BRUSSELS? A Fuck You Brussels t-shirt? That
would be fucking cool. We really like your collection,
honest & innovative.
CT: Yeah, I would love that.
FUB: So what’s the deal with Brodinski? Are you do-
ing some kind of collaboration?
CT: I contacted him on Facebook. I showed him some
stuff and wanted him to wear some of my clothes.
Like a sponsorship. He contacted me back very fast
and loved it. So we met at Social Club, a very cool
club in Paris and gave him some clothes. So now I
have pictures and film of him wearing Still Good clo-
thes.
FUB: This is quality shit. From the fabric to the de-
sign, everything. This is a genuine piece of design.
CT: And it’s a unisex brand.
FUB: Where are you producing?
CT: In Morocco. In a little studio in Casablanca and
we pay a lot of attention to the quality.
FUB: How much do you produce?
CT: 200 pieces per style.
FUB: ... and in how many stores do you sell ?
CT: 3 stores in Paris and one in Nice, Cannes, Tou-
louse and here at Street Teaser in Brussels.
FUB: So many people come out of college and start
a brand but don’t think about the important stuff.
Your collection reminds me of Play by Comme des
Garçons. What do you do apart from t-shirts?
CT: For now I’m just doing t-shirts but for next sum-
mer I want a complete collection with t-shirts, car-
digans, pants. And I am going to collaborate with a
French sneaker brand to create a sneaker.
FUB: What kind of sneaker? Do you remember the
Fred Perry sneaker for Comme? It looked really cool.
You’re not gonna do this bling bling Nike type are
you?
CT: It’s going to be the same style as the t-shirts.
Very simple and clean. Where can I read the article?
FUB: We’ll send you a copy of the magazine and you
can always check it out online at www.fuckyoubrus-
sels.com. Can I get a free t-shirt?
CT: Yes, sure, but you have to ask Clemence.
FUB: Cheers Clement! We’re going to go & ask Bro-
dinski the final question.
We headed over to the decks to ask our last question.
FUB: So Brodinski, what’s your worst sexual expe-
rience?
Brodinski: (pause) I never had a bad experience.
Ha ha ha
D-B
11
 BUM OR HIPSTER
You‘ll have to agree, there’s
nothing more annoying than
hanging out with try hard hips-
ter.   I‘d rather spend my after-
noon getting sucked off by a
Hare Krishna!

Over the last month we‘ve noti-

ced that hipsters are getting so
desperate to stay on top of their
game, that they’ve even turned
to raping their own grandpa-
rents for authentic clobber. Even
rummaging through skips, and
shunning vintage stores in an
attempt to find the single gem
that no one else has.  They have
taken it so far, that we can‘t even
tell who’s a genuine hipster and
who’s just a bum on the street.
Can you?

1. At least skater dude can laugh

at himself, and so can we, cause
he‘s our no.1 bum.

2. We thought this guy at Flagey

was a total bum, but when we got
closer we realized he‘s probably
the coolest guy in Brussels

3. We met this guy during our re-

search on the Lumberjack Para-
dox (issue 1). We thought he was
totally sideways, but realized he
was also totally homeless.

4. You may well row row row

your boat, gently down the
street, but get a fucking house!

5. This bum just robbed a 13 year

old and is celebrating it with a
bloody marry.

6. This is taking method acting

way too far Nick Nolte, or are
you preparing for the sequal!

1 2 3

13
4 5 6
 PHILIPP E G ON AY, C o i f fe u r
LILLE; 15, R ue du Curé S a i n t -E t i e n n e . Té l . ; + 3 3 ( 0 ) 3 2 0 2 1 1 2 1 1
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MARCQ EN BAROEUL ; 551 Aven u e d e l a R é p u b l i q u e . Té l . ; + 3 3 ( 0 ) 3 2 0 39 3 0 3 0
BRU X ELLE S; R ue Antoin e Da n s a e r t , 5 2 . Té l . ; + 3 2 2 5 1 3 0 0 65
 NAKED CHICKS
We wanted a valid reason to stare at naked chicks without looking like perverts.
This was the best we could come up with!
Chaussures italiennes artisanales & accessoires made in U.S.A.
Rue des teinturiers 11, 1000 Bruxelles
Tel : 02 511 08 40

Chaussures italiennes artisanales & accessoires made in U.S.A.

Rue des teinturiers 11, 1000 Bruxelles
Tel : 02 511 08 40
19
21
Matière Agencement Design - bureau & showroom sur rendez vous rue César Franck, 46 - 1050
+32 261 466 69 - mad-concept.be
GIRLS ON CRUTCHES

We love the summer! Even in Belgium.

For some reason it seems, that all the hot
girls emigrate or hibernate during the
dark winter months. So, by contrast, as
soon as the sun comes out in late spring,
they all flock back to show off their sum-
mer plumes. Drinking and fucking like
Brits abroad.
Summer 2010 we’ve noticed, has also
produced another mystery with the la-
dies. Mainly the trend toward sporting a
Crutch.
Now whether this has anything to do with
the end of the winter sports season, or be-
cause the suns out, drinks are flowing and
heels on cobble stones almost guarantees
a swift visit to ER, we’re not 100% sure.
What we do know, is that more girls than
ever are rocking crutches. And the more
you look the more you see, from celebri-
ties such as Brook Shields, Lady Ga Ga
and Gwyneth Paltrow, right down to lo-
cal hipsters like Ulrike Bietnik & Natalie
Wood (see the W**D magazine – accor-
ding to them she’s cool, but how cool is it
to be thrown out of a party at new year
for dry humping the sofa? No hard fee-
lings Nat :)
Anyway back to the point.
Crutches are sideways! They’re our hot
fashion tip for girls this summer! Not
only is it a cool accessory, but also pro-
tection when you are walking home alo-
ne at night. One whack from a crutch is
enough to make the most accomplished of
rapists think twice! Also, If you’ve ever
been to a club, after 4 hours your feet are
killing in those heels and there’s nowhere
to sit other than the skanky beer covered
dance floor. You’re not going to destroy
that new skirt. You’ll just bare it and sue
that bloody Party Feet company for lying
to you.
FUCK THAT! Crutches baby! Problem sol-
ved!
Of course, you will need to pimp your
crutch and remember 1 crutch is always
cooler than 2, otherwise you might actu-
ally look like a cripple.
Crutches are available at all prices. From
15 Euros at your local chemist right up to
4000 Euros a pair for the Chanel solid sil-
ver ones with diamond reflectors.
D-B

25
Fixie Polo
Brakeless Idiots or Technical Geniuses?
We rocked up in a taxi at the ING bank around 9pm on
Friday night to check out what the fuck all this bra-
keless, 70’s, customised, racer action was all about.
Fixed gear bikes aren’t new (remember the first time
round when they were called pedal-back brakes and
attached to BMX’s?), but fixie polo? We were interes-
ted to find out how and why street kids, were sudden-
ly taking to what has always been an elitist sport.
We were first greeted with much suspicion and told
we couldn’t take portrait photos because one of the
fixie guys (this is a guys sport. Out of 10 people, there
was only one bikeless girl and she looked terrified)
was taking photos that night for an exhibition and
thought we would steal his thunder. Not quite the
same thing, but fair play, we were the outsiders.
So we chatted a bit and found out some of the rules:
(See opposite page)
Of course there is more skill involved than stated abo-
ve, but you get the gist. Games normally last about 10
minutes and the sequence is started over and over.
Total play? Around 3 hours. The guys here looked a
bit nerdy and one dude even had full riot gear with
a Ralph Lauren Fixie polo shirt (you know? With a
bike in place of the horse on the logo). We were told
that one of the players that evening was a champion-
ship player and off to Amsterdam & Paris for tour-
naments. It must have been the Ralph guy, although
from the way everyone played, there was no one indi-
vidual that stood out above the rest.
27
With the first couple of games done, more Fixters
started drifting in. Fashionably late, the cooler-loo-
king ones arrived all pimped out in skinny jeans, le-
ather jackets & flipped up bike caps. We were down
with that shit. Especially when one dude rolled in
with an 80’s NYC Ghetto-blaster on his shoulder. To-
tally sideways!
After a couple of high fives and cracked beers, they
plugged the boom box into ING’s foolishly placed, out-
door mains supply, stealing the fuckers’ juice to bang
out Crystal Castles. Sweet!
Although these guys had style, they were still REAL
Fixters & not Fashion Fixters. Now this is where
things get interesting. It turns out that polo & fixie
polo (or hardcourt bike polo) have more in common
than just the stickball riding game thing. There is
a certain detest for Fashion Fixters; those who buy
their bike as an accessory. Buying a readymade bike
isn’t necessarily bad, but (hence the name FIX-IE)
it’s certainly frowned upon. This is a clique like any
other, with unwritten rules & regulations that only
the insiders fully understand. No wonder they were a
bit edgy when we arrived by taxi.
This sport appears to be the antithesis of traditional
polo and its ideals (money, wealth & titles). However,
when scratching the surface, we found it reinforces
and encourages this elitist attitude, all be it in a more
stylish way.
FUB went on to interview one Polo Fixter and one Street Fixter to see who was the coolest. We know who our
choice is, but we will leave it up to you!
STREET BEAR
(See top right photos) This guy was definitely a con-
tender for “bum or hipster” - about 6ft 4’, massive,
with a big beard & lumberjack shirt. He’d obviously
fit into the hipster category, for the chilled attitude &
the shit hot fixie alone.
FUB: You’re the biggest bear-looking guy around
here, but you don’t play polo. You’re not a polo-bear?
SB: No, I don’t play polo.
FUB: Why is street better than polo?
SB: Because I think for polo you need a specific bike,
you need a smaller cog/hub at the back - it’s a totally
different gear ratio. Also I don’t like the idea of being
in contests.
FUB: So it’s the same mentality as street skaters?
SB: Yes there’s a connection there somewhere.
FUB: How long have you been riding?
SB: 1 year
FUB: The Fixie scene is really big in London & Paris,
how come it’s not big here yet?
SB: You’re from London?
FUB: Yeah.
SB: It’s really super big over there. Here (in front of
the ING) you have everybody.
FUB: Everybody from the entire Brussels scene?
FUB: Yeah, yeah yeah.
SB: Do they have anything happening in Antwerp?
FUB: We met some guys from Antwerp, they came
here, but there were only three, but I don’t know.
FUB: Did you build your own bike?
SB: Yeah for sure yeah.
FUB: How much did it cost you?
SB: It’s difficult to say. My wheel’s old … like ten ye-
ars old, but there are really expensive bits like the
crank and the forks… I mean… maybe 1000 euros, so-
mething like that.
FUB: That’s a pretty pricy piece of equipment that
you seem to just throw around?
SB: It’s really stupid, some tiny little pieces are really
expensive, like the hub. It can be 300 euros
FUB: Is that the whole point? Everyone builds their
own bike? If you go out and buy one are you looked at
like “you fucking wanker, you’ve just bought a bike”
it’s not cool?
SB: That’s the whole point of fixed gear bikes, it’s easy
to fix it & build it. Before I had this kind of big bike
with lots of parts, and for me it was a nightmare to
change the tyres and things. This kind of bike is super
easy. It’s like a skateboard, it’s very similar.
FUB: What’s the longest you’ve ridden backwards?
SB: I kind of….I …I… forever ha ha
FUB: Are drinking, smoking & drugs an important
part of the fixie scene? (After every Game that night
everyone stopped for a cigarette break)
SB: I only drink water.
FUB: So you‘re on drugs?
SB: Yeah, but I mean…(fades off)
FUB: Insert in quotes “taking a line right now” ha ha
FUB: What‘s your worst sexual experience?
SB: Sexual experience?… ah man…..it’s always… err
I mean not always with a condom is the worst.
FUB: And on that note we will leave you… Without
protection.
SB: I’m sorry about that.
FIXIE POLO RULES
1. Chuck your polo sticks in the middle.
2. One guy picks up the sticks, holds them be-
hind his back, and chucks an equal number
to either side of the pitch to decide the teams.
3. Ball is placed at the centre of the pitch.
4. Teams assemble at their respective goal
lines.
5. Race to the ball as fast as you can and start
whacking, crashing & smashing into each
other until the ball is in the back of the goal.
6. First to five goals, wins.
POLO FIXTER
FUB: Who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you
here?
MS: My name is Maxim Sobodech, and I’m an ar-
chitecture student and I come here to play polo three
times a week.
FUB: How long have you been playing for?
MS: Since… since… since, 6 months
FUB: And you’re still wearing a helmet? Are you just
crap, or is it actually dangerous?
MS: Yes, for my head.
FUB: So every Friday night you drink a few beers,
listen to some music, and play polo?
MS: Yeah, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays till
three in the morning.
FUB: Why is it cool? It looks cool, but why is it cool
for you?
MS: Because it’s brutal but also very technical. Then
you’ve got the material side of it, optimising the bike,
fixing & repairing it.
FUB: Does anyone ever cheat and bring a bike with
gears?
MS: No, but I used to have brakes. Some play with,
some without.
FUB: What’s the fixie music?
MS: I don’t know (Vampire Weekend is playing in the
background).
FUB: What’s your worst sexual experience?
MS: With a Belgian.
FUB: A girl or a guy?
MS: A girl.
D-B

We still think this scene is cool & support it fully! So, if you’re going to get a bike, make it a fucking Fixie & build
it yourself! We are definitely going to do one. A FUCK YOU FIXIE!

29
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1000 BRUSSELS
0032 2 502 47 87
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SUMMER SALE STARTING JULY 1st, 2010 MONDAY - TUESDAY - THURSDAY: 11:00 - 18:30
WEDNESDAY - FRIDAY - SATURDAY: 11:00 - 19:00
SORRY WE ARE CLOSED ON SUNDAY
Kapitan Korsakov
More often than not scarily abbreviated to KKK, Ka-
pitan Korsakov is a noise rock trio from Ghent. They
released their debut album “Well Hunger” (Kinky
Star) last autumn. Straightaway, Studio Brussels pi-
cked up their first single, “When We Were Hookers”,
and selected it as Best Riff of 2009, leaving behind
some amazing (inter)national talent like The Hickey
Doris: You’re playing Manor Grunewald’s goodbye
party tonight…
Manor: Indeed, we couldn’t find anyone else and the-
re are construction works in front of the bar ... No,
I’m bullshitting, they’re a great band, what more do
you want?
Pieter-paul: Artistically we’re on the same level and
we’re trying to attract the same stars within the cos-
mos. He made our t-shirt and we play for him, it’s a
symbiosis.
Doris: And in 2012 everything comes together and
our universe explodes…
Pieter-paul: Yes, that’s our work of art, forget about
the Mayas. We… Play… Doom.
Doris: Ok, try to use the right mushrooms for your
mushroom sauce next time… So Manor made your
new t-shirts. Do they sell better than the old ones?
Pieter-paul: I don’t know really, think it’s about the
same.
Doris: Are they more expensive?
Pieter-paul: No, they cost the same too.
31
Underworld, A Place To Bury Strangers and Baro-
ness. Not bad for a first! Cutting Edge named them
“Belgium’s own Fucked Up!” Definitely, though
younger, skinnier and prettier!
I met them in a bar in their hometown where they
were drinking away time waiting for the party people
to arrive …
Jonas: But they’re much prettier!
Doris: And are you guys going to miss Manor?
Pieter-paul: Yes, of course, but luckily there’re so
many ways to keep in contact these days. Thank god
for the internet, we will exchange gossip, recipes, ...
Doris: Manor, you’re going for your art I assume.
Manor: Yep, it’s a three-month residency in Frank-
furt. I’ll be working hard towards our plans for 2012.
vAnd we’ll work on the soundtrack in the meantime.
Doris: I’m looking forward to it, but will we able to
listen to it before everything goes to shit?
Pieter: Yes, you get 1 day, until midnight January 1st
2012.
Doris: Right. You’re playing a bunch of festivals this
summer… which one are you most looking forward
to?
Pieter-paul: We got a nice list for the coming months:
Rock Herk, Dour, Pukkelpop, Schippersweekend, De
Gentse Feesten, … I’m stoked to play Pukkelpop but
I’m actually really chuffed with all of them because
the line-ups are amazing. At Rock Herk we’re playing
with Part Chimp and at Dour with Fucked Up.
Jonas: For me it’s Rock Herk. The big festivals have
so many stages, people don’t really come for us. Rock
Herk is small and free, and I think we’ll have to work
harder to convince the audience. I like that challenge.
Doris: There’s talk about you and And So I Watch You
From Afar doing something together.
Pieter-paul: We supported them twice a few months
back at Domino Festival in the AB and in the MOD. It
just clicked. We’re playing on the same day, so it’s the
perfect opportunity to get together and that’s what
we’ll try to do. It’s actually supposed to be a surprise,
damn… shhhh!
-phone rings-
Doris: Mam, can I call you back in a minute? I’m do-
ing an interview… Okay, bye.
Jonas: I wonder what your mum looks like, do you
have a picture?
Doris: No, I don’t, certainly not on me so keep wonde-
ring. Next question: Pieter-paul, you trash quite a few
guitars on stage…
Pieter-paul: I haven’t trashed that many though. We
frequently throw stuff around but usually things can
get fixed.
Doris: That’s where your paycheque goes…
Pieter-paul: Yes, otherwise I would be a slacker, I
would be on the dole. Pieter and I both made our own
guitar at Gideon Festival in Groningen last week.
Doris: What? You can build a guitar in one afternoon?
Pieter: In the afternoon? At 10 o’clock in the mor-
ning, with a massive hangover. But it was great!
Pieter-paul: Yuri Landman was doing a workshop
there. This guy is pretty amazing, he made stuff for
Sonic Youth, Half Japanese, ...
Jonas: And Lou Barlow, his Landman is pictured on
the new album.
Pieter-paul: It’s pretty cool, a little in the atmosphe-
re of “Sex and Confusion”, the third bridge principal.
It’s rather technical but it comes down to putting an
object, like a screwdriver for example, inbetween
your strings and create a third bridge.
Jonas: That way you can make an amazing amount
of noise.
Doris: I’m curious to see what you do with the gui-
tars on stage and I’ll make sure to bring my earplugs.
Pieter-paul, your bleached hair is a consequence of an
alcohol-induced bet for even more alcohol… Is it going
to stay?
Pieter-paul: Erm, I don’t know, haven’t thought
about it to be honest.
Doris: You get compared to Mister Cobain even more
now.
Pieter-paul: Cobain? Who’s that?
Pieter: That guy from Queen?
Jonas: Yes, the one with the moustache!
Doris: One last question: what’s your worst sexual
experience?
Pieter-paul: AIDS
Doris: I should have known, yes, that must have been
hard. Thanks Freddy, Pieter and Jonas. Have fun and
fingers crossed the cops are too lazy to come and shut
you down tonight.
D-V
playing this summer at…
10 Juli, Wortelkermis, Wortel
17 Juli, Rock Herk, Herk-de-Stad
18 Juli, Kinky Star, Gentse feesten
27 Juli, 7am show at the Charlatan,
Gentse Feesten
19 Aug, Wablief, Pukkelpop
27 Aug, Zandrock, Oostende
11 Sept, Schippersweekend, Lauwe
19 Sept, Breda Barst, Breda
www.myspace.com/kapitanKorsakov
 Metal hand

HANDS FOR BANDS

If you‘re into music but way to white to be able to look good while rocking out, then you‘re probably the guy
next to me everyone is making fun of. Sadly I can‘t teach you how to dance. What I can do is give you a simple
manual to show you what to do with your hands during which type of concert, so that at least you won’t look
like a fool while trying to impress a hot chick at the next Fouck Brothers Gig.
This actually applies to girls as well, although if you‘re a hot chick there‘s a whole set of different hand gestures
which we dont have room to put here
M-L

Techno hand

Jazz hands
“Mhhaaamyee”
33
70s Glam hand

Techno hand

Hip Hop hand

Electro hand
 WEDDING RINGS & SHERBET BOWLS
After returning from a disappointing Graduate Fa-
shion Show in Antwerp, FUB headed back to Bxhell
to check out that invitation from the Boups to Vert
Pop. Our friends had been waiting outside for the last
couple of hours as the place was packed! On entran-
ce, our nails were painted with a fluro green polish
(Chanel green I‘ve since been told). Nice touch!
We blagged our way into the VIP area, which we were
told “didn’t exist”, to find what looked like a huge
bowl of coke, and about 15 or 20 fucked musicians
& groupies. Of course I was first to dip my finger into
the bowl, only to find out that it was Sherbet and not
Charlie. What a disappointment! Then over to the
bar, which was empty. To be fair it was about 3am and
we had managed to miss most of the DJs & bands.
We had originally planned to interview Nick Zinner
from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, but his manager said he
didn’t have 5 minutes.
Technotronics Eric Martin, writer & producer of dou-
ble gold & US platinum selling record, “Pump Up The
Jam”, on the other hand, gladly gave us an exclusi-
ve interview (apparently he never does interviews).
We were told to keep it short & sweet. It’s defiantly
short, but more like saccerine:
ERIC: People in Belgium love house and love dance
music of all kinds. It’s a lot easier to deejay in Belgium
FUB: who the fuck are you? than it is to do shows. DJing seems to be a little more
ERIC: Who the fuck am I? Who the fuck are you? appreciated. So I am having a good time tonight.
FUB: We’re Fuck You Brussels. FUB: Is this your First time in Brussels?
ERIC: I am Eric from Technotronic. I am one of the ERIC: No, it’s not my first time. My son’s mother is
three original members of Technotronic. Ya Kid K from Technotronic and she lives in Belgium,
Last year we did a world tour to celebrate 20 years in Antwerp. So I always come over for Christmas and
of the record Pump up the jam. Now I am DJing and Easter.
fucking around. FUB: Kids ? That leads me swiftly and conveniently
FUB: DJing is your main thing now? on to my last question. What is your worst sexual ex-
ERIC: It’s not the main thing; it’s one of the things. perience?
One of many. ERIC: My worst sexual experience? Wauwww. Pro-
FUB: Are you still in the studio working on new bably, I slept with this girl that I shouldn’t have and
tracks? when I pulled my dick out, the condom looked like a
ERIC: Always, always. I have just done a couple of wedding ring. It was fucking broken.
albums with Jeff Beck. So I am working all the time. FUB: HA HA HA THATS GENIUS
FUB: So lots of fingers in lots of pies ERIC: It did man, a fucking wedding ring.
ERIC: Yeah yeah, lots of fingers in lots of pies. Spoken
like a true Londoner. After a brief warm-down, it turned out that the Welsh
FUB: What the fuck are you doing in Brussels? Do born DJ and I used to live just round the corner from
you find the crowds good here? each other in Wood Green, London.

SANDER SAYS...
Name: Sander Meisner
Sex: Male
Birth: August 18, 1979
Hometown: Amsterdam
Special Ability: Gurning

Sander is a musical ge-

nius, who‘s taste we
trust; So should you! Artist: Holy Ghost
Each month he will be Track: On Board Cover
passing down a snipit Label: DFA Records
of his infinite wisdom. VS: Friendly Fires
The FUCK YOU BRUSSELS Luchador mask can be used for many different occasions such as attracting
bulls, scaring off hippies or simply posing as a mexican.
PIKEY GRASS

Unlike most things that the Belgium government do,
killing gypsies (or “two birds with one stone” as Brus-
sels councillor Mampaka put it) has been a formula-
ted, quick and un-bureaucratic process. Lets face it;
no one likes the lucky heather sucking, land pirates.
And we at FUB salute the government for putting
into affect “Mustard Grass” around parks and green
spaces around Brussels – the intent, keeping the thie-
ving gypsy bastards out of the capital!
Now some libertarian fucks might think we are going
too far with this one, but when you see a delivery boy
getting mugged on his moped for pizza, by a bunch of
fucking soap dodging travellers, then you really need
to re-evaluate your social ideals.
Mustard Grass (sounds suspiciously like the Mustard
Gas used in Auschwitz) is being planted throughout
Brussels. This grass is a thick and leaves no space for
weeds (or gypsies) to grow between. The government
it seems is using the term “Greater Biodiversity” as
the argument for spraying the gas, err, I mean “laying
the grass” seeds around the Village.
We liked their plans so much that Fuck You Brussels
talked to the council. We are, currently working in
collaboration with the government on an extermina-
tion plan for hippies. We’re even using hippy adver-
tisement to fund the project. Now that’s intelligent
advertising! Look out for “Hippy Grass” coming soon
to a park near you!
D-B

We are not talking about the Gypsys of Romany ori-

gins, this is not a race issue. This is a personal issue of
dodgy mother-fucking pikies who bring no meaning-
ful contribution to society; rape and pillage an area,
then leave. These fucks make Dole bludgers, look like
upstanding citizens. Yet still the cries come for accep-
tance into a society that they actually don’t want to
be a part of.

37
BAD INC.
TOP FIVE WORST RELIGIONS
Belgium only officially recognises 6 religions, so perhaps
creating Shallowism in this country was not the greatest
idea! However, we at FUB are not so close-minded, and took
a world view when hand picking the Worst religions of all
time, in a veritable hit parade of idiot bashing.
Now if you’re a white, fascist, racist, homophobic Tom
Cruise-a-potamus, with an amoeba-sized brain and a pen-
chant for explosives, then look away now, you WILL be of-
fended!
5. Mormonism
When the founder of your religion goes by the almighty name
of Joe Smith, then you’ve got to ask questions. Further more,
when the original book took only 6 weeks to create 500 pages
you would ask yourself: how much thought actually went into
it? Ok so Kerouac wrote “On the Road” in three days, but he
wasn’t planning divinity and to be honest, it’s not the greatest
piece of literature ever written.
There are 14million Mormons in the world today. That’s more
than the entire population of Belgium, that believe the Jaredi-
tes (commonly mistaken for jews) sailed to America in wooden
submarines, 2000 years before Christ.
In the 1960’s John Lennon, confirmed and expanded on the sto-
ry, by noting that the wooden submarines were in fact yellow.
Wanna be a black Mormon? Better get out that Michael Jack-
son makeover case otherwise you aint getting in. “The Negro,
evidently, is receiving the reward he merits” (Joe smith – doc-
trines of salvation).
“errr… Joe, I’ve just counted we’re a page short for the book”
“Damn it!...go …with……err….Cheaters never prosper!... but do
some elaboration on it… make it …..err…ethereal.”
Cheaters never prosper? For fucks sake, this guy even uses pri-
mary school philosophy for religious text. Apparently Polyga-
my can make you a god!
Even when they started no one liked Mormons, they were com-
monly burned from 1830 right up to the present day. That’s the
reason they only come in at number 5 on our list.
39
Family of Philiponeons deep in prayer
4. The Prince Philip movement
THE Yaohnanen tribe from the island of
Tanna in Vanuatu (that’s a hot place, in
the sea somewhere between Hawaii &
Australia), believe that the bumbling,
racist, fascist & general bitch to Queen
Elizabeth II, is actually a god!
Apparently the legend goes: the pasty
son of a mountain spirit & brother of
john frum* travelled to distant lands,
to marry a sugar mommy and would re-
turn with wealth. When hearing of the
respect given to Lizzy, the people deci-
ded that her husband Prince “Nazi” Phi-
lip must be their god.
Formed in the 50’s, the cult gained reco-
gnition & was encouraged by the Queen’s
visit to the south island. Since then, they
continue to revere Philip with deity re-
gard.
Now this may not sound bad enough to
make the top 5 until you find out that,
the egocentric fuck, now makes regu-
lar visits to the religion’s leaders & ex-
changes gifts with the tribe at the Bri-
tish taxpayers’ expense. No wonder the
country’s fucked.
*John Frum or John From was a pasty
white WW2 serviceman, from The Sta-
tes, who encouraged the tribes people to
stick 2 fingers up at the colonial catholic
churches & return to tribal living.
3. Scientology
Lafayette Ronald Hubbard, a failed sci-fi
writer got so pissed off & skint, because
no one wanted to publish or read his
work, that he created a self-professed
“religion for profit.” Who’d a thunk it
would work?
Using an E-meter (or the leftover bits of
a broken car stereo as I like to call it),
Hubbard extracted the pin numbers
of all his clients/followers, then emp-
tied their bank accounts, leaving them
with the first chapter of a second hand,
1950’s, sci-fi novel.
“Give me your car keys and I’ll send you 2. Islam
the next chapter” Ron heartily laughed. I think we all know why this is in the list. So instead
And so with 10 or more chapters, sci- of insulting this religion, which could end up with a
entology rapes its victims out of their jihad on our asses, we decided to show you a photo of
every last penny. Such a simple idea. Mohammeds previous position as a traveling meat-
Throw technology & some religious text extract sales person. We leave you with a Ross Nobel
together and in the 50’s you were bound link that made us laugh. http://www.youtube.com/
to create a stir. watch?v=sOORvpiu4co
Who would fall for such an obvious scam?
Tom Cruise, Patrick Swayze, John Tra-
volta, Kristie Alley, Lisa Marie Presley, Bible Bomb, 1998 - Gregory Green
Chaka Khan, and Demi Moore? Yes! Courtesy of Torchgallery, Amsterdam
But this list isn’t too surprising. The-
se guys aren’t exactly the intellectual
crème de la crème.
However, William Burroughs, Leo-
nard Cohen, Charles Manson and Dave
Brubeck? Shame on you!
Christopher Reeve had no chance!
Wheelie bin Superman was rolled into a
dark room for the process of “auditing”
(or mugging as it’s known outside the re-
ligion).
But don’t worry: the fucking idiots didn’t
get the better of spastic Superman. Of
course he manipulated the “auditors”
1. Christianity
mind with his x-ray vision, quit the re-
Jesus titty fucking Christ! Would you Adam & Eve it?
ligion, and left to save a hot chick from
Well of course Christianity hits the number 1 spot!
a burning building in downtown, Cripo-
Who else has killed as many throughout history?
polis.
That’s right, this supposed pacifist religion has inspi-
red leaders around the world, from kings and queens
sending crusades to massacre “less advanced” cul-
tures, right down to just the generally nasty Bush &
Hitler. We all know that if you have god on your side,
then everything’s OK.
Why? All because some fucking hippy went into the
desert for 40 days without food & water, started hal-
lucinating, and returned with delusions of grandeur.
Quelle sur-fucking-prise! I’m like that after a line of
Charlie but the next morning I always come to my
senses.
Ask a Christian to explain the Holy Trinity! Ask
them to explain dinosaur bones. Ask them to exp-
lain anything and their “God of Gaps” (see Richard
Dawkings’ The God Delusion) falters at every hurdle.
Somewhere between the Laura Ashley florals & tea-
cakes with cream, lies something very VERY dark
The most technologically advanced piece
indeed.
of equipment the 1950s have ever seen.
Christianity, you are by far, our number one worst re-
We bring you the e-meter.
ligion of all time.
PUBLIC ART JUST LIKE A SNEAKY FART
In order to culturally engage with its inhabitants, the Village
of Brussels hasn’t found any better way than adorning it with,
well, a load of shit. Not the actual dog shit that you see scattered
around this filthy Village, but various forms of visual faeces. And
who pays for it? I know we don‘t! However, if you do happen to
have a real job and pay taxes, then you‘ll be pleased to find out
this is where your money goes!
Firstly, a tourist will quickly spot a national hero on the walls of
Brussels Village: Tintin. While we probably all loved to read the
comic book when we were kids, no one asked for the Village to
become a giant comic strip. Let’s put it this way: who wants to
see Mickey Mouse on every other street corner when they go to
New York? (Ok well if you do, then go back to your Fucking shan-
tytowns, you inbred philistine fuck). It may work with kids, but
Euro Disneyland was built for a reason. First and foremost to spa-
re tacky murals from other cities. Further reading for idiots: if
you look carefully you’ll also find the highbrow art of the Smurfs/
schlümpfe/schtroumpfs.
Most of you have enjoyed a few drinks on Place Flagey. Sitting in
the sun and soaking up the last hour or two of summer rays. Well,
actually that’s a lie - the only reason people go there, is to admire
the piss yellow telephone antenna erected in the corner under the
guise of public art (see front cover). Everyone comes to look at it
in awe and wonders what the hell was going through the head of
the “artist” when he made it. Probably something like: “I know
how I’ll make this place more friendly and cosy: I’ll put two sticks
of metal together and cover them with some piss-yellow paint”.
It’s yet to be revealed, but this might be an intelligent govern-
ment initiative. It may just be that yellow metal antennas have
the property to attract hippies, travellers, bums & their shitting
dogs. And hopefully, once assembled onto the square, they‘ll na-
palm the lot.
Another fine example of bad public art
is the temporary exhibition taking place
near Louise metro station which con-
sists of a bunch of Egyptian-looking sta-
tues aligned in a row. It is called “nuest-
ros silences” and it sure doesn’t seem to
be attracting a lot of noise. Now this “po-
werful social message: the need for free-
dom of expression” must cut deep into
the blood pump of street artist Bonom,
who, in the same month was arrested
for exactly this expression. But what do
you expect from a Village, Country and
People that run on indecisiveness?
To travel around the city you might want
to use public transport (at your own
risk). That‘s where many other artistic
surprises lurk, just like a sneaky fart
that comes unannounced. Take Porte
de Hal corridors for example: they have
been graced with artworks of metro
trains and “futuristic” cityscapes... Or
Albert, where what looks like a gigantic
stuffed insect welcomes you and might
leave your children with nightmares for
the next decade. In fact, it seems that
the whole Village has a thing for uncan-
ny animals. Yet, whether a pissing dog
on rue des Chartreux or a giant zebra
eating a sandwich at Gare du Midi, they
all seem to lack… purpose?
But to be the honest, the best form of
public art in Brussels lies in the vari-
ous scaffolding and cranes which seem
to blossom on every other street. They
may not be the most aesthetic things
but if they help to destroy the city, we
give ’em the thumbs up.
V-D
 SPANDEX & VILLAINS!

Now that’s what I call a coalition!
From left to right; Churchill, Roo-
sevelt, Stalin, Vadar.
Who would have thought that Spider-
man would have been the first one to leg
it from the gooks in Nam? Certainly not
me, but here’s the proof.
Bet there would be prob-
lems when Fidel found out
Batmans true identity! A
trustafarian with a butler
doesn’t quite hit the com-
munist ideals.

Agan Harahap, illustrator & photographer from Jakarta. D-B

FIND THE 7 MISTAKES ON THE PICTURES, CIRCLE THEM WITH A PEN, AND MAKE A PAPER PLANE.
BRING THEM IN TO STREET TEASER AND GET 0% OF YOUR NEXT 10 PURCHASES.
STREET TEASER 21 RUE DU PAGE 1050 BXHELL
 TRICERACOPTER
What do you get if you cross a helicopter with a dinosaur? It
sounds like a joke, but the result is possibly the coolest form of
transport ever built! The tricerecopter! Ok so it doesn’t really fly
and is only a sculpture by patricia renick made in 1977. But fuck
me this is brilliant!
We are buying one for the office as soon as we get the cash to-
gether! Damn it more advertising moe!

SPOT THE DIFFERENCE

 Writers Editor-in-chief
DANNY BARTLETT DANNY BARTLETT
DEE VEE
Photography / Illustrations
VINCENT DURAUD
ULRIKE BIETNIK (COVER)
MAURICE LATZKE
OLIVIER DONNET
Design LAETITIA BICA
MAURICE LATZKE CLEMENCE DEMESME
DANNY BARTLETT SEBASTIEN MUNCK
RENE LATZKE
Models
ANTON COENE
LAYNA VANCAUTEREN
MAURICE LATZKE
PAULINE MILLER
FIDEL Hair & Make-up
NICK NOLTE FANNY VANBINNEBEEK
KAROLIEN POLENUS
MASKOT Stylist
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Mascots
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