Putting or Putting?

Dean Martin quote “after three martini‟s don‟t drink and

rive, don‟t even try to putt”

So I have been bartending since 2BC (before cranberry) and in my day we did
not have such a wide range of drinks nor an educated clientele to „hide
behind‟… we had to rely on more traditional skills like conversation, humour
and physical skills.

We were not Mixologists, drinksmiths, cocktailians, intoxicologists, bar chefs or

Spirit technicians. We didn‟t make lots of cocktails.. A Long Island was
sophisticated drink. Drinks like Sazerac, Martinez and Pegus were as rare as
a decent tip…

But we had a lot of fun and so did our guests.

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Internationally renowned Ambassadors for Brands and Bartending…

University educated (so know-it-alls)

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And don‟t take themselves too seriously…

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Alas Gary Regan was also supposed to have been in this session but couldn‟t
make it… so lets all say Fuck a few times and its like he is with us in spirit…

And when asked for a quote he said

“Sorry I couldn't make it, Angus. Remember to teach them the most important
quest of the professional bartender: To get laid as often as possible.”

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Jacob to explain… but its BLUE so that‟s funny!!

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Guest based not drink based

Every action of the MPB should be linked back to these three principles… ask
yourself with every action which one this is hitting…

Far too many bartenders have been bought up in the white heat crucible of
Mixology and maybe have forgotten or never realised this…

If you are having fun and if the guest ‘gets it’ then that is better
than a ‘great drink’!

“An inquiry about how the beverage is desired; a suggestion as to how it could
be made; a pleasant observation. All of these are as likely to secure a guest as
the finest drink one can set before them.”
OH Byron 1886

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The key to being a good host.. People are all roughly the same.. They are not
just coming to your bar to get drunk or laid…

Hit as many of these as you can and people will thin you are the best
bartender in the world…

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Mid 1990s – Age of Ingredients the use of fresh ingredients and fresh fruits in
particular but also the rise in the range of products available such as decent
vodka, aged rums, aged tequila, decent bourbon and decent liqueurs… Purees
also started to make an appearance as well as fruits and herbs of all different
varieties… the Age of the Mixologist and the Bar Chef

2000 - Age of Technique: the rise in new ingredient led to a re assessment of

techniques and especially those techniques that our unfortunate brothers in
the kitchen use with muddling coming to the fore but also rolling, throwing,
foaming, gelling, caviaring making and the like. More stirred cocktails… the
Age of the Molecular Mixologists and the Drinksmith

2004 – The Age of Scrutiny and Authenticity – it is no longer enough to make a

simple martini but it must have a full historical provenance and use at least 1
recreation of a long lost product (bitters being a prime example). Cocktail lists
now come from the old books with Crustas and Golden Fizzes and Rickeys
and the like. Accepted histories and stories are being torn down and
challenged but we all know exactly how old the Cocktail is to the Day (May
13th 1806 of course)… the Age of the Cocktailian…

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Are we now taking it far more seriously than our forefather‟s did?

The names we call ourselves

The focus on larger cities only

More bartenders making more drinks that only bartenders really appreciate

The rise of the Cocktail Taliban…

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My own invention… (I think)

But self fulfilling…

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From Beta/Rogue Cocktails… a man with a great set of ideas and fairly
unpronounceable name… so lets just call him Maks.. Ex Cure here in NOLA

1. mustaches and arm garters do not make a bartender

2. a bar exists to serve customers, not cocktails
3. inspiration for new cocktails is not found in the produce aisle of
whole foods. however, it may be found in the dusty bottles of your
back bar
4. there is no right way to make a cocktail, but there are many wrong
ways

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•bartenders work behind bars
•recipes are guidelines, not gospel
•don't knock it 'til you've tried it
•you will never serve a cocktail that makes everyone happy, so focus
on making one person happy at a time
•bartending is a profession and a craft, not a lifestyle
•it's just a drink

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Donn Beach of Beachcomber Fame and his trick with every tenth Dons Pearl
Cocktail having a real pearl in it

Plus he used to spray a hose on the roof when it was getting quieter to stop
people leaving

Trader Vic used to pretend he had his leg bitten off in a shark accident (in fact
lost it to Polio)

Jerry Thomas and his Blue Blazer shenanigans

Mr Billingsley from the Stork Club in NYC and his communication with his
Maitre D‟ buy sign language etc (eyebrow stroking meant get that person a
good table, ear tugging meant a bad one etc etc)

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Honey I‟m gay… Krupnik and Mount Gay

Knickerdropper Glory – frangelico and lemon juice

Anise and Nephew

Glass: Coupette
Method: Shake and strain
Ice: Ice
Garnish: smoking star anise

35ml Wray & Nephew

15ml Velvet Falernum
5ml Pernod Absinthe
2 chunks of pineapple
20ml lime
10ml simply syrup

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Stan Vardna drink from his Paparazzi Bar… winner of the 2008 Tales Cocktail
List of the Year…

It stands for “Will You Buy Me A Drink If I Tell You” so when you tell people
what it means they get all confused…

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Writers have always been heavily influenced by drink so why not take some of
it back?

Douglas Adams stated that there are a number of environmental and weapons
treaties and laws of physics which prevent the The Pan Galactic Gargle
Blaster from being mixed on Earth.

PGGB recipe
"Take the juice from one bottle of that Ol' Janx Spirit. Pour into it one measure
of water from the seas of Santraginus V Allow three cubes of Arcturan Mega-
gin to melt into the mixture (it must be properly iced or the benzene is lost).
Allow four litres of Fallian marsh gas to bubble through it (in memory of all
those happy Hikers who have died of pleasure in the Marshes of Fallia). Over
the back of a silver spoon float a measure of Qualactin Hypermint extract,
redolent of all the heady odours of the dark Qualactin Zones. Drop in the tooth
of an Algolian Suntiger. Watch it dissolve, spreading the fires of the Algolian
suns deep into the heart of the drink. Sprinkle Zamphour. Add an olive.
Drink...but very carefully."

Flaming Moe Recipes….

1 part Tequila
1 part Schnapps
1 part Creme de Menthe
1 tbsp Colonel Krusty Brand Non-Narkotic Cough Syrup For Kids 16
Incidentally, the soda mixer is not only highly paid if expert--in a few
cases $55 a week--but he has a contact with the public that leads
to better things. Two employed at Fifth avenue fountains recently
were picked for jobs that paid around $10,000 a year each.

"Shoot one" and "Draw one" is one coke and one coffee..."Shoot one in the
red!" means a cherry coke...An "echo" is a repeat order..."Eighty-six" means all
out of it..."Eighty-one" is a glass of water..."Thirteen" means one of the big
bosses is drifting around...A "red ball" is an orangeade..."Squeeze one" is a
limeade..."Eighty-nine" means that a movie player of importance is in the
store, and "Twisted, choke and make it cackle!" means a chocolate malted
milk--with an egg in it.

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 A toast is defined as “ to call to an admired person (normally a
woman) or object”.

The habit of clinking glasses is said to have come from the need to make bell-
like sounds to ward off evil spirits when drinking
in the 17th century: as one unnamed Englishman said “to drink at table…
without drinking to the health of someone special, would be considered
drinking on the sly, and as an act of incivility”.

More toasts of course led to excessive drinking and in many places the
practice was banned or outlawed. Louis XIV forbade the offering of toasts at
his court and Massachusetts put into place a law banning the “abominable…
and useless ceremony” of drinking to another‟s health. One of the major
concerns with the Temperance Movement (founded 1517) was to abolish the
custom of toasting which they saw leading to debauchery.

But saying something better than just „cheers‟ is good.

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Just one word… Tiki personifies fun in bartending and long may it revive!

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Droodles are a kind of cartoon popularized in the U.S. by Roger Price's 1953
book Droodles. The trademarked name "Droodle" is a nonsense word
suggesting both "doodle" and "riddle." Their general form is minimal: a square
box containing a few abstract pictorial elements, and under that a caption (or
several) giving a humorous "explanation" of the picture's subject.

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This is the Ale of Two Cities which is served at Callooh Callay in Shoreditch.
After the Penicillin it's probably my favourite cocktail of the 00s.

The drink uses liberal amounts of 42 Below Feijoa (naturally) and Punt e Mes,
fresh lime juice, pressed apple juice, Angostura, malt syrup and nettle cordial.
It's shaken very hard to look like an English ale and served in a half-pint.
Funny but also a very, very, clever drink. I've been a few times and every time I
see a guest trying the Ale for the first time a huge smile crosses their face as
they decipher the joke.

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Audrey Saunders gets down and Funky…

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I have spoken with Richard Wynne (Callooh Callay owner) who informs me
that you gave a seminar at one of the 42 Below Cocktail World Cup events in
NZ - Richard won, and was inspired by your talk to produce a couple of things
for the bar......

He designed and produced a Mad Hatters Tiki Punch, served in a gramaphone

vessel - to share, served with jumbo straws, and occasionally on fire, pictures
attached.

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Purl in Marylebone serves a Smoky Old Fashioned made with rum. The drink
is mixed an poured into a wax sealed bottle, just before sealing some wood
smoke is piped in using what is best described as a bong. Then it's served in a
bucket of dry ice.

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Four Roses Yellow Label, Pear Nectar, Apricot Brandy & Bob's Cardamon
Bitters, shaken and strained into paper bagged liquor bottle. Atomised with
beer and served on a bed of newspaper.

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Who the hell is Cecil Baker anyway…

brad pitt's bum double in troy

the name de niro checks in under at hotels
my 9th grade pilates teacher
the guy who invented viagra
the name of the first male cartoon porn actor
the first man to ride across the sahara on a unicycle
the real name of sylvester stallone
he official cocktail of the buckingham palace ladies gardening association

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