Feelings Unchecked

You never went away,

Did you?
Nah! You are always here,
In the deep recesses
Of my heart,
Deeply treasured,
Often ignored,
And rarely understood!

Loved and hated in equal measure.

If loving you
comes naturally,
Hating you was
Easily a self protection measure!

Whenever you left,

Did you really leave?
Convincing myself
With the rationale,
Love can never be forced,
How could I love you?

When you turned away,

How could I presume,
That you are here to stay?

I refused to believe.
I refused to pine.
I refused to believe
In forever mine!

I refused to fathom
The depth of my feelings,
Lest my discovery un-mitigate
The self- healing!

Ah, my theory of free love,

Unobtrusive mutual passion,
Did take me places,
Like a child to seek
And explore a series of relations.
 But lust, my darling,
Is another domain!
Effervescent, seductive,
Rebound to rebound,
Burning the bridges
In the heat of passion,
Was after all very much in fashion!

Yet, the charm wears off,

But love, Nah! Love never wears off.

You always came back to haunt me.

Ah! But then;
You are always here.
In the deep recesses
Of my heart,
Deeply treasured, often ignored,
Rarely understood!

I refused to be alone.
Like a cripple seeking a prop,
Making myself believe,
You don’t matter, do you?
Ah, it was a ploy,
To fool my ego,
Whether you come, or you go,
How does it matter?

I would go on, I shall stay,

Whether you come, or you go,
How does it matter? Does it?

With Love and hate,

Giving you an equal measure,
For not feeling for you;
Was a possibility unknown!

I never believed in clinging

To what is not mine,
I never believed
In forever mine,
But you, my darling,
Weren’t you always mine?
 Time and space does wonder,
so they say.
Whenever you left me,
your shadow stayed.

When the wounds are raw,

Let them heal.
It is pointless questioning,
The motives and deeds,
The trespasses and transgressions,
That wedged us away.

Is it a twist of fate?
We never
Forgot each other!
Ah! The time and space
Are bridged
By the wonders of this age!

We have aged,
We have grayed,
We have not decayed.

Feelings rush in,

Not as a violent storm
But as a gentle calming breeze!
My love for you, sweetheart,
Is here to stay!

You are always here,

In the deep recesses of my heart,
Deeply treasured, often ignored,
Rarely understood!

When you toss back your tresses,

My eyes still go into raptures.
Ah! The yearning
To run my fingers
Through your curls,
And master the universe.

When you smile,

I can still feel the sunshine,
Ah! The yearning
to kiss your alluring lips,
 Till you are forever mine!

When you laugh in gay abandon,

I feel my heart beat meander.
Ah! My love,
It seems like an era
From another time.

My love for you

Has finally blossomed.
Loving you unconditionally is divine.
It does not matter,
If you are not mine.

You are always here,

in the deep recesses of my heart,
Deeply treasured,
Always remembered,
Yearning
To be understood,
Forever mine!

Shyam