The Ultimate American Relationship Survival Guide

Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved.
Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.
This Book is not rated but it does contain adult material and content. It is
suggested for mature audiences only. If you are easily offended I suggest that you
find something else to read as this book might upset you. It upset me to write it,
let alone read it!
“Thank you purchasing my book and for your support. I hope that you enjoy
reading it and you find it helpful, informative, and that you get a laugh or two out
of it.
Please feel free to contact me my contact information for any, comments,

concerns, confusion, contusions, contributions, criticisms or for any other reason
you may have. I’d love to hear from you.
Yanz
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Available Soon in eBook!
“Women by the Numbers”
“50 Different Types of Women

that Men Know but Wish We Didn’t!
100 Plus Pages
By
Timothy “Yanz” Yancy, H.B.O.
(Head Brother of Operations)
Exclusive Internet Only Special

Now Only $5.00
What the Critics are saying...
“Sadatae. Coby down on the panty side. That’s my panny dee.” Pootie T. N.Y.C.
“These are life lessons learned from another Ladies Man” Leon P. Chicago, Illinois.
“A highly conceptual, thought provoking, hard-hitting look at African-American male and

female relationships of which is expected to be a major publishing event.” T.R. Chicago, Illinois.
"This is like a Man’s version of waiting to exhale." M. A. Chicago, Illinois.
“Yanz is so money!”. NYC Players Club, NYC, N,Y.
“A Drastic reality! His book is like a course in Contemporary Men’s Thinking 101. It’s the
definitive What Men Want.” C. J. Detroit, Michigan.
“Conventional wisdom and unconventional thought” J. P. Virginia Beach, Virginia.
"This is a window to the heart and soul of today's urban man" M. J. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
"Yanz shares a deep and moving personal insight into the mind of today’s Men. He's so
sensitive, deep, insightful, and crazy." C.B. Chicago, Illinois.
“You share the joys and pain the ups and downs of what Men go through in relationships. Yanz,
thanks a million" F. D. Los Angles, California.
"Very provocative and funny. This book should be required reading" M.S. Chicago, Illinois.
"It's about time someone had the courage to open themselves up and let the world know how a
Man feels. I love you man." D. P. Las Vegas, Nevada.
"You are destined to become the next as Michael Baisden, Adie Davis, Eric Jerome Dickey, E.
Lynn Harris, Williams July II, Camika C. Spencer, Omar Tyree, and Franklin White, Terry
McMillian, Tony Morrison, or Walter Mosley" Mom, Chicago, Illinois.
"Outrageous! This book should be banned. Yanz is the Dr. Jack Korvorkian of relationships. He is
one crazy mofo." M. V. Chicago, Illinois.
"Buy yourself a copy, then buy one for your friends and family. It's a can't do without book"
Yanz, Chicago, IL.
Disclaimer: No celebrity endorsements intended or implied.
Contents
“Women by the Numbers”
50 Different Types of Women That Men Know but Wish We Didn’t!
1. B.A.P.S (Black American Princesses)

2. Bearillas
3. B.A.P. (Black American Princess)

4. Bearliia
5. Begging Ass Women
4. Broke Ass Women
5. Clueless Women
6. Complainers
7. Conscious One’s
8. Different Women
9. Difficult Sisters
10. Drama Queens
11. Evasive Women
12. Ewoks
13. Fuguly
14. Gigglers
15. Gold Digging Women
16. Hating Women
17. Hired Help
18. Homebodies
19. Indecisive Women
20. Know-it-All Women
21. Leprechauns
22. Lushes
23. Ms. Bad Attitude
24. Ms. Church Girl
25. Ms. Good Time
26. Ms. I Can’t Find a Good Brother Out There Sista
27. Ms. I’d Like to Sleep with you but… Women
28. Ms. Thang
29. Ms. Too Good To Be True
30. My Babies Momma

31. Natural Women
32. Neurotic Women
33. Peddlers
34. Plain Jane Women
35. Poetic Justices
36. Psycho Women
37. Quiet Women
38. Self Important Women
39. Shoulda Woulda Coulda Women
40. Smokers
41. Something for Nothing Women
42. Stalkers
43. Straight Women with No Job
44. Talkers
45. TalkSingy Women
46. The "I Hadda" Women
47. Type A Women
48. WeMe Women
49. Whiners
50. Worriers
Excerpts
B.A.P.S (Black American Princesses)
A.K.A. Stuck Up B*tch, Siddity
These Women prefer shopping to sex. They are always getting their hair or nails done.
Other wise they can be found at the day spa.
Advantages: Well kept, and well maintained
Disadvantages: High maintenance. Lots of attitude. Bad sex, Excessive lip service, always
complaining, selfish
Bearillas
A.K.A. Coyote Ugly
We’ve all seen them wandering around the neighborhood. They are big, ugly, and come
in all sizes and colors but usually brown, black and polar bearillas. They look like a cross
between a bear and a gorilla, thus we call them Bearillas. They are just like Yogi, always trying
to get something for nothing . and they want you to feed them. The problem is once you feed
them you can’t get rid of them!
Advantages: I just throw them some change, a sandwich, raw meat, anything to keep them
away.
Disadvantages: They should be an endangered species and almost extinct, but somebody is
having sex with them and having more Bearilla cubs.
Begging Ass Women
A.K.A. Begging Ass Women
She not praying she’s begging. I guess that praying can be a form of begging God. She
always scheming trying to get something for nothing. She never has a dime. Their favorite
phrase is “Can you help a sister out”. I’ll help her out of my damn car. That’s how I’ll help a
sister out.
Advantages: Her phone is cut off so she can’t call a brother.
Disadvantage: Doesn’t have any money and won’t get any.
Broke Ass Women
(Also see Begging Ass Women, Tight Asses Women)
A.K.A. Cheap Ass Women
They don’t spend a dime, bring their lunch to work, don’t get their hair or nails done,
and wear run over shoes. When gas pumps say $1.20 9/10 th they can get the 1/10th change
back. If you put a lump of coal up her butt they could fart out a diamond. Her money is always
balled up in her purse somewhere.
Advantages: None
Disadvantages: They are tight with everything including the poontang and it’s not that good.
They say, “I just gave you some three weeks ago”, like it’s on rations. Getting some from them
is like pulling teeth from a lion with your hands.
Difficult Sisters
A.K.A. Out of Control Women
They just don’t get it right. It’s always someone else that’s the cause of the
problem, never her. Nothing’s ever right.
Advantages: Above average sex. She needs to have her frustrations taken out and she has
a lot of frustrations.
Disadvantages: It’s not worth the hassle.
Hating Women
A.K.A. Mad Jealous Women
This Woman needs no explanation. She’s mad, she’s evil, and she’s coming to a
neighborhood near you soon if she’s not already there. Some Man did her wrong and now all
men are dogs. Men are good for nothing, a Man can’t do sh*t for her. She’s pissed off and mad
at the world. Remember, jealousy is all the fun you think someone else is having. She’s listed
twice because she is cross-categorical. This is not unusual.
Advantages: None.
Disadvantages: Stay out of her way. She’ll hurt you. She’s like an animal that’s been wounded
but is still alive waiting to get the hunter before it dies. She’s the most dangerous Women out
there.
Know-it-All Women
A.K.A. Know-it-Alls
Always have to be right. They have all the answers to the worlds problems, but their
lives are f*cked up. You can’t tell them anything and then when something happens she asks
why didn’t you tell her. It’s because you know everything.
Advantages: She works, so you can borrow money from her and get head.
Disadvantages: Having to put up with her mouth when she’s not giving you head.
Ms. Thang
Ex-High School Prom Queen
A.K.A.- Fake Ass Halle Berry Wannbe
“I could have been Michael Jordan’s wife if I wanted too.”
Back in the day she had it going on. She went with the Captain of every team sport in
high school and was the prom queen. Now, that’s all in her past because now she has a bunch
of kids and big legs, big breast, big stomach and big everything else. Her best days have been
over a long time ago but she’s still cute.
Advantages: Has connections at all the local fast food restaurants and chicken shacks.
Disadvantages: Still has a cute face and nice breastesis, but is now overweight from the
breastesis down. She has t.b. (Two belley’s); she has a gut that will put a truck driver to shame,
but still thinks she has it going on. Has five kids from five different daddies, all of them fake ass
Michael Jordan’s wannabes.
The “I Hadda” Women

A.K.A. Broke Ass Mooch
“I hadda a Benz. I hadda a condo and I hadda a job!”
Advantages: She treats you like a King, so that you will take care of her broke ass!
Disadvantages: She’s broke as Hell!!!
Table of Contents
Topic Page
Dedication 18
Disclaimer 19
Preface 20
Introduction 21
I Apologize 23
A Credo for My Relationship with Others 24
To Someone Special 25
I am Special 26
What I’ve Learned 27
Greater Fool Theory 28
Yancy’s Principle of Uncertainty 28
Secret Sex Formula 29
Romance Mathematics 30
Romance Without Finance 30
Life Is All about Ass 33
Women’s Ass Size Study How Women Feel about Their Ass 33
Woman’s Fantasy Study 33
Assitude Theory 34
Why People Come into Your Life – A lifetime, A Reason or A Season 35
My Prayer for You 36
Who Understands Women 37
Fat Girl Sexuality Myth 38
Who Understands Men 44
Tips for Approaching Women 45
Three Steps to Meeting Women 48
Three Highly Effective but Simple Steps to Meeting Men 50
Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is from the Hood 51
Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is from the Trailer Park 52
Twenty-Five Hidden Signs to Interpret 53
Booty Call Etiquette Rules – Tips for a Successful Booty Call 55
Booty Call Rules - The Women' Version 56
How to Impress a Women: How to Impress a Man 57
Interracial Relationships 58
Twenty-Five Rules Men Wished Women Knew 62
She Said = She Meant: He Said = He Meant 64
Twenty-Five Ways to Get a Fine Women 72
Twenty-Five Ways to Get a Fine Man 74
Is She Attracted to Me? 76
How to Read Body Language Cues 77
Lucky Thirteen Tips to A Perfect First Date 78
Twenty-Five Things Never to Say When You are Having Sex 80
Indecent Proposals 81
Sex According to Pastor Khathide 82

Twenty-Five Things Never to Say to a Women 83
Twenty-Five Things Never to Say to a Man 84
Trust, Loyalty, and Betrayal 85
What Makes Men Cheat? 86
Women Who Cheat with Married Men 87
Is Oral Sex Cheating 88
Oral Fixations 89
Spitters versus Swallowers 90
Spanking Your Monkey – Is Beating Cheating? 93
Twenty-Five Ways to Tell When It’s Time to Quit Your Relationship 95
Twenty-Five Ways to Get Out of Your Relationship 95
Second Time Around Theory 99
ABC’s Mans’ Guide to Breaking Up 100
ABC’s of Getting Dumped 100
Twenty-Five Signs the Romance Has Gone 105
Unfortunately Sometimes Relationships End 106
This One is for Men ONLY! 108
Twenty-Five Ways People Go Wrong in Relationships 110
Yancy’s Matrixes of A Women 113
What Tree Did You Fall From? 116
Let It Go - by T.D. Jakes 120
Lord Teach Me to Forgive 122
Installing Wife Vista 1.0 for Windows 124
Installing Husband Vista 1.0 for Windows 125
When to Keep Your Mouth Shut 126
Wonderful Words of Wisdom 127
The Female Brain 128
The Male Brain 129
Marriage Thoughts 130
Love, Lust and Marriage 133
Recipe for Happiness 136
Ice Cream Sexuality Test 137
Getting to Know you Before We Have Sex Application 152
Relationship Goals and More 158
Questions for Discussion 162
Interview with Yanz 163
Acknowledgements 167
Dedication
First and foremost I give my thanks to God for making all things possible.
I thank everyone who has supported me and helped in any way to make this project a
success.
I want to thank all of the Women who help shape me into the Man I am today.
Thanks to the number ONE person in my life Edie Tillis for all your support and keeping
me sane in an insane world and being my Number 1 Fan. You know what a crazy man I can be
and you still put up with me in spite and despite of it and my many other issues too. Thank you,
Thank you very much for being there for me 100% and I love you.
A special thanks goes out to Dawn Williams who really got me to look at my self and
how I view relationships. She is the Woman who is really responsible for me getting started on
this project.
This book is especially dedicated to my best friend and brother, Aaron Seay of Detroit,
Michigan. He helped mold me into the Man that I am today. He was a true ladies man and
master of the game. May he rest in peace. He passed in 1996 and that’s when I was going
through the height of my relationship drama.
Also my friend who also passed in September 2001, Edward M. Smith II also from
Detroit, Michigan. Although they were two quite different and distinct kinds of Men, these guys
were my boys and True Players no less.
This writing is dedicated to my friends, family, and foes: past, present, and future. Also
to all the prisoners of our own thoughts wherever you are.
Thanks to all the woman that I have dated. All the women that I know. All the women
that I don’t know. And the women I would like to get to know.
Disclaimer
If you find any mistakes in this publication please consider that they are there for a
reason. We publish something for everyone and some people always look for mistakes.
Attention
Any vulgar language, profanity, terminology, or derogatory comments or statements used are
simply to support realism to create an end product of realistic and credible entertainment. This
book is by no means intended to insult, degrade, disrespect, or attack any particular
individual(s), race, gender, or any other parties who may take offense to this content. This
product is fictional entertainment with as close to urban reality portrayal as possible.
This book contains parodies, including some individuals, characters, creative works, products
and services. Nothing is intended to convey or imply facts or as an endorsement or
representation relating to those individuals, characters, creative works or products and
services.
All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication, distribution or exhibition may result in civil
liability and/or criminal prosecution.
PREFACE
This manuscript is both for my self-therapy to get a better understanding on how I think
and act, also what I believe in and live for. Additionally, it is so others can understand why Men
act the way we do, maybe foster a better relationship between Men and Women and possibly
get some enjoyment from its reading. One thing I do know is that you will laugh at least 100
times guaranteed or your money back! Lastly you will think. What do you think about? I don’t
know but you will trip.
If what you are looking for is not here, I probably did not want to share that
information. Please don’t ask me, but I invite you to pray for me. I can be e-mailed at
TyEbooks@gmail.com with any comments, concerns, or criticisms.
Don’t take this personal. These are my thoughts from my system of values and beliefs
along with plenty of other Men’s thoughts. This is the real deal.
INTRODUCTION
No I’m not a player or an expert on Women. I was almost one, but I never graduated
from the Players Academy and it’s too late to go back now. Unfortunately, I don’t understand
Women as well as I’d like to but I’m always working on it. It’s not easy. Why can’t we just all
get along? This writing started out as the result of another relationship that I was in that was
not going in the right direction. I started out writing to understanding how I felt about dating
but then I decided to expand it to how I feel about relationships in general but not only from
my point of view, but also with a little help from my friends and family. I’m not by myself;
millions of Women and Men are in the same predicaments. That’s why I’m personally giving
away 1,000,000 copies of this book away absolutely F-R-E-E! Yes F-R-E-E! But only to the 1st
1,000,000 people After that then I’ll see. We all need help and I’m here to help. May our God
bless us all. This book is about dating and relating. Love and war. Love and Hate. Love is a
battlefield and, this is the Unofficial African-American Survival Guide.
Most of my life and all of my adult life I’ve lived and worked with thousands of women.
Being a single, fun-loving Man, I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with women and
really learn about them. What I learned is that you really can’t learn enough about Women and
just when you think you got it. It all goes right out the window. From a very young age, I had a
fondness for attractive women and made it my personal goal to do have them all. I did not
know what I was in for. No one told me. I was a snowball in an avalanche. I’ve been around
more women than men all my life and I enjoyed every second of it. I have to take the bad with
the good. It’s all a part of life.
The purpose of this written document is to help me understand how I feel, what I want,
and to help keep me focused to prevent any future problems or misunderstandings that may
result from not being clear in my intentions or directions in life. It may also give others insight
into relationships between Men and Women or food for thought but most importantly what I
don’t want. If you’re like me and you’re probably not, this book will save you a lot of time
and aggravation. If not you’ll get a good laugh and laughter is the best therapy. All jokes
aside, I just don’t need the drama in my life and neither do you. Some people live for drama
and feed on it. I thoroughly cover your kind in this and all of my writings. This is about warning
signs to look for in others or us in our relationships to improve our lives.
People say that I have a lot of time on my hands and that I think too deeply and too
much. I look at it as a blessing not a curse. I have the opportunity to look deep within myself to
find answers to questions that pertain to others and me. If I don’t, then who will? If I don’t do it
now, then when would I? I needed to find the answers. We all need to take time to soul search
and become better people. Some of these ideas and concepts are thought provoking and
stimulating, while others are for sheer entertainment. I consider myself to be main stream but a
little bit out there. I’m a product of my environment and not a victim of it. That’s what I want to
share with my readers. I hope you get that out of me.
Remember: Forewarned is Forearmed!
Return to Contents
This poem is dedicated to all women for all the hurt and pain that we as men have caused
you. We have a tendency to mess up and not being a man about admitting that we were
wrong. – Author Unknown
I Apologize
I apologize black woman for all the seen and unseen lies,
For the heartache and pain that brought tears in your eyes.
I apologize woman for not being true from the start,
For running away from you, leaving a hole in your heart.
For ignoring your feelings and pushing them aside,
Because I was too damn arrogant and pumped up with pride.
I apologize for making promises that I couldn't keep,
For building a foundation based on treachery and deceit.
Being selfish and inconsiderate, I did what I wanted to do,
Making costly decisions without thinking of you.
I apologize for not holding you through restless nights and stormy days,
For my immature thoughts and my foolish ways.
Instead of carrying your love with me, I just threw it on the shelf,
After we made love I turned away, only thinking of myself.
You cried your heart for me, while I was out running wild and loose,
I destroyed the essence of your love with physical, mental, & emotional abuse.
I gave you hell woman by giving up when times got rough,
I didn't slap you, I pushed you, I neglected you -- even that's bad enough!
Now I see why you build a wall around you, because it is me you despise,
But that's the price that I have to pay for all the times I wore a disguise.
I pray to GOD that one day you will realize,
That I LOVE YOU WOMAN, AND I APOLOGIZE.
A Credo for My Relationship with Others
By Dr. Thomas Gordan
You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. We are also two separate
persons with our own individual values and needs. So that we will better know and understand,
what each of us values and needs. Let us always be open and honest in our communication.
When you are experiencing a problem in your life, I will try to listen with genuine acceptance
and understanding in order to help you find your own solutions rather than imposing mine. And
I want you to be a listener for me when I need to find solutions to my problems.
At those times when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I
will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my
needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. In
addition, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you. I hope you will tell me
openly and honestly so I can try to change my behavior.
And when we experience conflicts in our relationship, let us agree to resolve each conflict
without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing. I
respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a
solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will neither and
mine will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I.
Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are
capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and
peace.
To Someone Special in My Life
(Send this to that Special Person that you really care about)
Did I Ever Tell You,

Just How Special You Are
The Light that You Emit
Might even Light a Star.
Did I Ever Tell You

How Important You Make me Feel
Somebody out here is Smiling.
Did I Ever Tell You

Many Times, When I was Sad
You made me Smile a bit
In Fact It made me Glad
For the Time You Spend Sending Things

And Sharing whatever You Find with me,
There are No Words to Thank You
But Somebody, Thinks You're Fine
Did I Ever Tell You
Just How Much I Love You

Well, My Dear
Today I am Telling You.
I appreciate you being there for me and being a special person in my life.
XOXOXOX
Love,
Me
I Am Special
I’m special. In all the world there’s nobody like me.

Since the beginning of time, there has never been
another person like me. Nobody has my smile. Nobody
has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice.
I’m special.
Nobody can be found who has my handwriting.

Nobody anywhere has my tastes--for food or music or art.
No one sees things just as I do. In all of time there’s been no on who laughs like me. And what
makes me laugh and cry will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anyone else, ever.
No one react to any situation just as I would react.
I’m special.
I’m the only one in all creation who has my set of abilities.
Oh, there will always be someone who is better at one of the things I’m good at, but no one in
the universe can reach the quality of my combination of talents, ideas, abilities and feelings.
Like a room full of musical instruments,
some may excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together.
I’m a symphony.
Throughout all of eternity no one will ever look,

talk, walk, think or do like me.
I’m special. I’m rare
And in all rarity there is great value.

Because of my rare value, I need not attempt to imitate others.
I will accept- yes, celebrate-my differences.
I’m special. And I’m special to see that God made me special
for a very special purpose. He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of
all the billions of applicants, only one has the right combination of what it takes.
That one is me.

Because ...I’m special.
Author Unknown.
Return to Contents
What I Have Learned
 I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and
hope they panic and give in.
 I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just idiots.
 I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to
destroy it.
 I've learned that if at first you don't succeed, check to see if the loser gets anything.
 I've learned that brain cells come and go, but fat cells are forever.
 I've learned that you can get by on charm for fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better
have a big dick or huge breasts.
 I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up
than you think.
 I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.
 I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
 I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion
fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
 I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be
the ones who do.
 I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us
feel better about ourselves.
 I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get
arrested and end up in the local paper.
 I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and
all the less important ones just never go away.
 I've learned to say "Screw you if you can't take a joke" in 6 languages.
~Contributed by Design Goddess (DG) of the Circle of Hope

Return to Contents
Greater Fool Theory

My ex-boss and friend Herb Strather explained this theory to me. “I may be a fool, but
there is always a greater fool than me. “ It’s like whoever said, “There’s a sucker born every
minute”. You got to find them or they find you. If you have to ask yourself who’s fooling whom?
You are the fool! This theory applies to many situations especially relationships, sex, sales, and
teaching
Yancy’s Principle of Uncertainty
The person that you start with dating will ultimately and certainty change into another person
over time and most certainly won’t be the same person that you started with.
Secret Sex Formula
Return to Contents
Romance Mathematics
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Romance Without Finance
This is non-sense. You’ve seen the bumper sticker: Cash, ass or grass. I believe that
having an understanding about the financial part of a relationship is of paramount importance.
As a male there are certain responsibilities that need to be fulfilled but if a relationship is going
to work, we are to get along together, we must share financial responsibility. I’m not saying
that things should be evenly divided, but they must be some type of accountability. No one
person should be held solely responsible for the financial responsibilities of the relationship. It’s
just unfair.
If one person in the relationship wants to do something then that person should pay for
it, unless it’s something special where both benefit, otherwise both people should contribute.
You can’t have romance without finance. It’s nonsense! It’s madness. Stop the madness!!
A woman recently asked me for one hundred dollars. I asked her what do I get for
$100.00? She said “An IOU.” That’s why I don’t like dealing with young women with no jobs, or
minimum wage jobs. They are always begging. It always starts with I need… They need a job.
That’s what they need. I like them nice and easy not nice and needy!
I need a broke ass woman like I need a broke ass car or a hole in my head. It’s just like
throwing money into something that will never work right. First they start off asking for money
to get their hair done. Next it’s something else. It never ends until you end it. They keep
begging like a panhandler. You just have to break it off just like an old tree branch. Snap. I’m
tired of meeting women with cups in their hands. Get a job.
If I were wealthy, I would support my woman financially and maybe a family or two. I
just can’t do it now. At least not on a full time basis. Don’t get me wrong; anybody can have a
temporary cash flow problem. I know I have one from time to time.
I met a girl this year that worked at the cleaners I drop my clothes off. She was twenty-
three and nice looking. She was about a seven. I talked to her on the phone a few times and she
would leave erotic messages on my answering machine. So I hooked up with her once. The next
day she called me up and told me she needed her hair done. I ignored her, because I knew what
she was up to. She asked did I hear her and I said no, so she said it again. I asked her how much
it costs and she said eighty dollars. I think she thought I was going to give it to her. I asked her
when did she want to get her hair done and she told me Saturday. I said call me when you get it
done. I never heard from her again.
The way a relationship starts is the way it is expected to continue. The beginning sets
the standards. You can’t change horses in the middle of the stream. Someone once described
me as being close to my money. I’m not really that intimate with money. I’m very generous as
far as giving goes. I just try to get the best deals that I can get most of the time and I usually do
get exceptionally great deals. I just don’t make a habit of giving money away. I’m not a
philanthropist.
I never had a woman who was rich or even had some spare change but I would not mind
it at all as long as she is generous and attractive, knows that I can only do so much financially.
She should fit most of my other criteria. I’d also appreciate it if she did not through it up in my
face. I’m sure that I could fulfill some of her other needs like she could fulfill some of mine.
“If you’re rich, then I’m single.” Get to know me!
One thing for sure is that women don’t have a problem asking for money whether you
have some or not. If they think you do have some, look out. It’s going to be trouble. I remember
when I was in my twenties I had two friends Aaron and Calvin telling me about women. They
were a few years older than I was and were my unofficial mentors. They were explaining cash
flow and women to me and I needed to tap into that cash flow. I told them that I honestly could
not ask a woman for money even if I needed it. I’d do without before I’d do that. They jump all
over me and told me that she would ask me, so I better ask her first. They were right. They will
ask and have no shame about it. They know that if they don’t get it from you they can get it
from someone else. Women have a constant cash flow. They work, get checks, child support,
men give them money, they get it from their mother and father, and from their sisters and
brothers. She might be down, but not out.
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Life is All About Ass…
Life is all about ass…
You’re either covering it,
Laughing it off,
Kicking it,
Kissing it,
Busting it,
Trying to get a piece of it,
Acting like one,
Or in a relationship with one.
Women’s Ass Size Study
There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses.
The results were pretty interesting:
 30% of women think their ass is too fat…

 10% of women think their ass is too skinny……
 The remaining 60% say they don’t care, they love him, he’s a good man, and they
wouldn’t trade him for the world!
 Woman’s Fantasy

In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's
ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two
men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most
men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.
Ass/Attitude Theory (Assitude)
I call it “Assitude Theory” There is a direct correlation to the size and shape of a
woman’s ass and her personality and attitude, thus the word assitude is derived from that. This
theory was coined in the late 1980’s to the early 1990’s after extensive research and
investigation. I believe that women with big asses have big attitudes. I see it everywhere,
everyday. They think their sh*t does not stink. They carry their attitudes on their backs like
camels. The bigger the ass, the bigger the attitude. I dated a woman who had nice legs and no
butt, after a year on my “Thigh-Bo” Exercise program (my patented- pending thigh and booty
building program); she had an ass and an attitude to match. I created a monster. There is no
antidote for it and once changed the attitude is a permanent condition. I think that I’m going to
find me a woman with a smaller butt the next time and let it stay like it is. Don’t mess with
nature. Also stay away from GMB (Genetically Modified Booty’s) as they can be trouble as well.
Don’t bite of more than you can chew because a bad assitude is nothing to play with and can
get your ass in trouble! This is a warning, I repeat, this is a warning.
If you look at Oriental women, they don’t generally have an ass; consequently they
generally don’t have an attitude. No ass makes them docile.
No Ass = No Attitude.
Big Ass = Big Attitude
Little Ass = Little Attitude
The research speaks for itself but try your own research and find out the hard way.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you not once butt twice!
Why People Come Into Your Life

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which
one it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed
outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with
guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any
wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to
bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes
they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has
been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered
and it is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow,
or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you
something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe
it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order
to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and
areas of your life. It is aid that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a
part of my life...Smile and stop here if you're not into this final part: (How do I know if I’m into
it or not if I don't read it?)
When you read this just recite the following prayer. That's all you have to do. There is
nothing attached. This is the power of prayer at work.
My Prayer for You
May today there be peace within you.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to
you.
May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.
Let His presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, and to
bask in the sun.
It is there for each and every one of us.
Who Understands Women?
The nice Women are ugly.
The attractive Women are not nice.
The attractive and nice Women are lesbos.
The attractive, nice and heterosexual Women are married.
The Women who are not so attractive but are nice Women have no money.
The Women who are not so attractive but are nice Women with money
think we are only after their money.
The attractive Women without money are after our money.
The attractive Women, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are
attractive enough.
The Women who think we are attractive, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have
money are cowards.
The Women who are somewhat attractive, somewhat nice and have some money and thank
God are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!
The Women, who never make the first move, automatically lose Interest in us when we take
the initiative.
NOW... WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS WOMEN?
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Fat Girl Sexuality Myth
There is a myth that fat girls are better sexually. I was not set out on trying to prove this
theory but accidents do happen. Fat women are built for warmth and comfort. More cushions
and less pushing. I hear that they are great sexually, but I can’t vouch for that and really don’t
want to find out. Really, I had one, just one, Wilma. She wasn’t that fat. She was not sloppy
fat, just pleasingly plumb. Okay, it was true, but I am not going to get addicted to big girls. I
don’t want any more fat girls. One is more than enough. I’m into quality not quantity. I’m on a
fat free diet, plus fat girls have too much cholesterol for me.
A guy named Dennis told me that fat women have places that they can’t reach and if
they can’t reach it, they can’t clean it. He does not want to find something that they missed. It
makes perfectly good sense to me. Some girls don’t think that they are fat; they’re “big-boned”.
They need big bones to hold all of that fat. Big boned women are usually heavy handed, which
means they have big hands. Did you ever see a fat person with little hands? They can be known
to look like lion paws. Why do I say this? There are risks and danger involved with dating fat
women; one of them is being trampled in a stampede. Also what if she decided to take a swing
at you. A lion can kill you just by grazing you with a paw. If she has long nails, then you can
forget it. It’s just like a bear scratching you. It would be more than a scratch. You are taking a
risk with fat girls.
Some guys like fat women. They say” Thin is in, but fat is where it’s at.” I can’t go for
that. Just say no to fat girls is my motto. I do have a right to make choices in my life and this is
not one of them. These are words to live and die by.
I wrote a song to the tune of “I Can’t Go for That” By Hall and Oates, “ I can’t go for fat”.
It goes like this:
I say I can’t go for fat.
No oh oh. No can do.
I can’t go for fat.
No oh oh.
No can do.
I can’t go.
No can go.
I can’t go.
No I can’t go for fat.
No can do.
Forearmed is forewarned.
T h e s t a t i s t i c s a r e
s t a g g e r i n g . Believe it or not, obesity affects more than one-
quarter of all adults and about one-in-five children in the United States!
Today, 61 percent of all adult Americans (97 million) are categorized as being
overweight or obese. Even more astonishing is the fact that each year, obesity causes at least
300,000 excess deaths and costs our country more than $100 billion. It’s actually the second
leading cause of unnecessary deaths in America. Speaking of costs, I don’t know if it’s included
in this figure or not, but they got to eat. Big girls got to get their eats on. You know those skinny
Women have high metabolism and can eat up some food. There are only two types of women
when it comes to eating; those that eat, and those who eat and put on weight. They know they
can eat up some food especially when someone else is paying. You know you got a greedy
Woman who says since you’re paying, I’m going to put an extra ten dollars on it and we can get
a little more food or some extra desert. You know they eat dessert, it goes without saying. They
take the desert before they’ll take a salad. It cost at least another thirty-nine cents to go out
with her cause you got to biggie size everything you order for her.
These shocking statistics, reported by the American Obesity Association, tell us that
obesity has indeed reached epidemic levels. That’s good news and bad news. It’s good news for
all of those Men who like fat Women. It’s a bonanza for them. It’s bad news for the Men like
me who like the slim Women. They are turning fat.
The Internal Revenue Service now recognizes obesity as a disease, and states that the
costs of doctor-ordered diet and weight loss programs are now deductible. Now, the IRS is
declaring obesity an actual ailment, so these programs would qualify as a diet or weight loss
expense deduction. You don’t need to be a doctor to tell that these people are not healthy. Just
look at them. For all of you Men out there rounding up all the fat Women, your herds are sick
and have diseases. How safe is this? There are some Men who feel that they are caring and try
to give fat Women extra care because they can understand how they feel. They are special.
Especially sick.
I can understand big Men having big women, but why do little Men have big women. I
got a boy named Dennis, who is a 300 pound plus Brotha. He likes slim or thick Women, not the
big ones. Dennis says he’s big enough, why would he want a big woman. That’s too much
friction.
Mosquito, his wife and his woman. Let me tell you about mosquito. He’s 50 something,
6 feet one inch and weighs about as much as a mosquito. He has an obscenely obese wife and
she’s ill. He has a baby by a younger obese Woman who is in her twenties. I asked him if his
wife know about her and he said that she did. She got mad and wanted to leave but he told her
she’s fat and sick nobody wants her. That’s the fat Women Playa mind control. You feed them
and control them. Little does she know, she has a lot of Men out there who she could choose
from. She’s got what they want.
Yes, there is a difference between being obese and being overweight. The best way to
determine which one you are is by this simple test. Are you skinny, slim or thick? If you picked
none of the above, then you are fat.
Are You At Risk? Chances are you’re more likely to suffer from obesity if you’re in a
lower economic group, but statistics show that a growing number of young adults with some
college education are also developing the disease. In fact, obesity has actually increased in
every state, in both men and women, across every age and ethnic group.
If you’re an African-American woman, studies show that you’re more likely to be

overweight than your Caucasian counterpart. If you’re an African-American man, though,
you’re actually less inclined to be obese than your Caucasian counterpart.
Those of Hispanic origin tend to weigh more than Caucasians, and if you live in the
South Atlantic region, you’re more prone to obesity than if you live in the Mid-Atlantic States.
Beside these, there is an inherent risk when you deal with big Women. There are many
dangers of dating fat women. They are jealous, possessive, large, heavy, and not to mention the
dangers of a stampede. Trust me, being crushed to death is no fun, although I’ve never been
crushed to death, a fat lady stepped in my toe once and it hurt like Hell. There are advantages
like you can use her for an auto safety device, like an airbag. The down side is she cuts down
your miles per gallon. But it’s a trade off for gas mileage for safety.
Kid Rock has some lyrics that go, “I don’t like big cars or big fat women, but somehow I
always find myself in them.”
How to Fight Obesity. If you think you are addicted to big girls, here’s some good you
can use. You can battle obesity and come out a winner! Here’s what the experts recommend:
1. Fat blocker tablets. Whenever the urge strikes or when you see a fat woman take
them. This might just save your live.
2. Cut down drastically on night eating especially if you got out to get food. This puts
you in fewer contacts with those Women who also enjoy late night snacks.
3. Also you have less of a chance of going home with them. If you hear “That sounds
like it taste real good”. Get your order and promptly leave the restaurant. That
phrase will most likely be followed by, “Can I go home with you?”
4. Avoid working late shifts. Working between 4 p.m. and 8 a.m. will most likely cause
you to eat more and take longer naps than day workers. Weight gain is inevitable.
Also that’s where most of the big girls work because they like to sleep in.
5. Eat healthy! Lots of fresh fruits and vegetables are your best defense. Big girls see
you eating this and it’s a turn off for them. Avoid rib tips, hamburgers, gyros, and
tacos in their presence.
6. Exercise! Exercise! Exercise! Cardiovascular activity three times a week (or more) will
keep your body -- and your mind -- in shape and they won’t be able to catch you if
you run.
If you like big girls, then disregard all this and do the opposite of everything stated
above.
I have always attracted big girls from Yogi and Booboo in high school, to a big one in
Junior Achievement to several in college and it goes on. Maybe it was not that many but it sure
seemed like it. I’m not mean or mean spirited but they just scared me, I’d give them the brush
off. I’m sorry, I know big girls have feeling too but I’m not trying to feel that, if you know what I
mean.
When I was a Captain in the Army in North Carolina, everywhere I went they were all
over me. I had Fat Mack Disease. I was leaving the club and saw two of my boys and told they I
was getting fat attacked everywhere I went out east. As I left the club, two big girls where
coming in They were scooping out a Brotha and of course they spoke. I felt naked like a chicken
on a rotisserie. I just left. My guys just laughed. There are human attractants called
pheromones. When women get a whiff of your scent they are stimulated and attracted to you. I
think that some Men emit Phateromes which are fat sexual attractant scents that smell like
chicken. It drives them crazy just makes them want to eat you up. Everyone can’t smell them.
They only work on fat women.
I have a cousin whose name I won’t mention. He only dates fat women and ghetto
women. I mean big, robust women of at least 250 pounds. He gets his monies worth. He knows
he’s going to eat because they always have food.
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Who Understands Men?
The nice Men are ugly.
The attractive Men are not nice.
The attractive and nice Men are gay.
The attractive, nice and heterosexual Men are married.
The Men who are not so attractive but are nice Men have no money.
The Men who are not so attractive but are nice Men with money
think we are only after their money.
The attractive Men without money are after our money.
The attractive Men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual don't think we are
attractive enough.
The Men who think we are attractive, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money
are cowards.
The Men who are somewhat attractive, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God
are heterosexual are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!
The Men who never make the first move, automatically lose Interest in us when we take the
initiative.
NOW... WHO REALLY UNDERSTANDS MEN?
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Ten Tips for Approaching Women
Most Men don’t know what to say; here's what they really should do. What do you do when
you see a Women you are attracted to? Do you run and hide? Do you use some canned line
that you read on the Internet? Do you stand there in fear trying to think of the right thing to
say? What is the right thing to do? When approaching a Woman, most Men make the mistake
of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there's one magic line that will work in all
situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will
become instantly attracted to them.
Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work -- because most of what you say is irrelevant. To
catch a woman's attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her.
Here are 10 fool-proof ways to intrigue her every time:
1. Observe something. Make a comment about something you observe in the environment.
This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey
sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here. If she says yes follow it up with, “I know where
you can get some good beef. Black Angus too!”
Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter
where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.
2. Smile. This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels
good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction -- a
requirement for building rapport. If your grill is messed up, then keep your mouth closed
while you smile. If you are from St. Louis or down south you can show you gold grill when
you smile but make sure that the light does not reflect into her eyes!
3. Do not hesitate. If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling
confident -- an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of
time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after
it.
4. Positive body language. If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are
sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you
begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk. Be
confident without being conceited.
5. Not too fast. If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm,
casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you. I like to wave at
Women. If they wave back then gesture for her to come over. Either she will come or she will
wave you over.
6. Keep eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this
sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye
contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this. Wink at her and
see if she winks back. If she winks back then lick your lips and she what she does.
7. Listen up. Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Have your response pre-
thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. They also
love a witty man. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.
8. Do not fidget. Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable.
If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close
up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of
movements, that communicate comfort and confidence. Sometimes the shy guy role will work
but you got to look like the old Michael Jackson with the black nose and afro like in the Wiz.
9. Lighten your tone of voice. The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in
a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone,
accusing her of something like " I was just about to pick that cucumber but go ahead and take
it. I got a bigger one.” Follow this with a wink and a quick smile to let her know you are joking.
Only one of three things will happen: She will give you the cucumber, she will curse you out or
you will be all good. Only time will tell. Practice this and practice playing with your vocal tone
with your friends -- notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing
using varied tones and fluctuations.
10. Lean away from her. A Brotha who leans in too far when he talks often makes a Woman
feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you
respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself but get close enough to smell
her breath. Also chew some fresh gum with breath mints in it and offer her one. If someone
offers you gum or a breath mint, take it. It might be a kind way of telling you your breath stinks.
The key to making these tips work for you is to put them into practice! Practice these tips and
see the reaction you get. It’s a test. It’s all a test. When you put them all together, you will be
surprised at their power.
Now that you approached her and realize that you would like to take it further, then you
got to have more in your relationship tool box. Here is a simpler technique that is almost fool
proof. I call it the Four Step Open Technique. Like everything else in this world that works or
people who write the books say works; it’s got to have steps. This is no exception to the rule
and it’s a four step process.
Four Step Open Technique
Step 1. Open your mind – Remove any mental blocks that may be preventing you from getting
the woman that you both deserve and desire. A mind is like a parachute, it works best when
open. I don’t know who wrote it but it was not me but I believe it and use it daily. I believe that
a closed mind will shut you out of opportunities that are there for your realization.
Step 2. Open Your Arms- Make a way to receive the woman that you desire. Opening your arms
is like visualization but it’s a symbolic gesture. Imagine yourself holding and squeezing the
woman you desire. What you believe that you can achieve you can conceive.
Step 3. Open your Heart – The heart is the symbol of love. By opening your heart you are
creating a place for the woman you desire.
Step 4. Open your wallet – Money talks and bullshit walks. If you got the bucks, you can get
almost any woman you desire at least for a few hours and that might just be enough. Women
love generous men and it’s a good way to impress them. If you ask a woman what does she
prefer a man with a big Johnson or a rich man, I’m sure 9 out of 10 will say a rich man with a big
Johnson!
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Three Steps to Meeting Women
Most Men think there's a magic word they can say to get a woman to talk to them. While there
is no such "magic word," there are three keys to communicating with a woman that work
almost every single time.
This is not earth-shattering stuff. What I'm about to teach you is a simple approach that has
worked every single time I or one of my students have used it.
Here are the three simple steps to communicating with a woman:
Step 1: Observe What She Is Doing. Take the example of a woman standing behind you in line
at the supermarket unloading her groceries. What is she putting on the conveyor belt? If she's
behind you in line at Starbucks, what is she ordering? What is she eating? Notice everything
she's doing. Let the environment give you something to say.
Most guys think of something to say that's so random it makes absolutely no sense in a
woman's mind. Women actually make fun of these guys and say, "You won't believe what he
actually came over and said to me." Ask what is good in this place besides you? Or what is that
you’re drinking or eating?”
Step 2: Act on the Observation. In order to properly act upon the observation, you need to
open her up and evoke a feeling. For instance, if a Woman is ordering a double espresso, the
thing to talk about is usually the first thing that comes to your mind.
A typical guy might say, "Do you like coffee?" which leads to a yes or no answer. A man who is
100 percent present will look at her and say, "Try a little salt in that coffee because you sure
look sweet to me!" What you're trying to do is stay inside her head and remain in her current
thought process. It's much easier to have a conversation based upon things she's already
experiencing. A Woman will share something that's already going on in her head.
Another example: you're standing at a bar and see a woman ferociously texting someone while
standing there by herself. You can walk over and make an assumption like "Is your friend late?"
This will in turn open up a conversation based upon feelings and emotions.
Women are emotional creatures. They want to bond with you emotionally. They don't want to
bond with you randomly. This leads us to Step 3.
Step 3: Listen to What She Has to Say. In order to have good conversation and bond with a
Woman, you need to listen to what she says. If you listen to her, you will know what to say
next. It's called a conversation for a reason.
A lot of Men always think about what to say next, or they have a script in their head about what
to say next. That's not a conversation -- that's a bad screenplay.
For example, I was standing with a couple of Men at the airport. There was a Women standing
there by herself with a suitcase. So what did these two Men do? They observed and they asked
her:
Brotha: "So where are you going?"

Women: "Georgia."
Immediately one of them says, "Georgia? I'm from ATL."
That's not a conversation. That is a Brotha changing the subject to talk about himself. He
doesn't care about her right off the bat. The correct thing to say in this situation is this:
Men: "Where are you going in Georgia?"
Women: "To Magic City for and audition as a dancer. Then I’ll just hang out at Freaknic for the
rest of the weekend."
Now, in turn, the two Men can keep her present in her head about the weekend and ask her
about her trip.
Men: "Where are you staying?" or "Wow, that’s funny. I work right around there. Mind if I show
you around a little?" Then introduce yourself and give her a business card. Always introduce
yourself!
If they listen and stop thinking about how to amuse her by telling her they're from ATL, they'll
actually connect with her and have a conversation about the stripping, hotels, and fun -- and
who knows where the conversation might go.
Men complicate things for no reason. There are no magic lines that you can say, but in reality if
Men just talked to Women like they talk to their closest friends, they would have amazing
conversations. Men just need to relax and listen to what the Women are saying.
Do this and you're going to have great conversations. It's that simple! Get out of the house,
observe, react, practice and listen! After a while it will become second nature.
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Three Highly Effective but Simple Steps to Meeting Men
Most Men think there's a magic word they can say to get a woman to talk to them. While there
is no such "magic word," there are simple everyday things that a woman can do that works
almost every single time without fail.
This is not earth-shattering stuff. What I'm about to teach you is a simple real world approach
that has worked on me every single time a women tried it. In fact I sure I’m not the only man
who has fallen for this.
Here are the three simple steps to get any man your heart desires!
Step 1. Location. Location. Location. Just like real estate, location is everything. If you want to
meet men, then you need to go where men are! Suggested places are listed below.
Step 2. Find a guy and wink at him so he knows for sure that you got your eye on him. For
added insurance lick your lips with your tongue and make sure you get them wet but don’t have
saliva dripping off them. You just might blow it if you go too far and it looks like you’re drooling
like you got rabies.
Step 3. Remove all your wear underwear. If you have a camel foot, perky nipples and / or nice
booty cheeks, they will be accented and a guy is sure to notice you. You need to separate
yourself from the pack. Raise your skirt or open your shirt and say “Let’s go”. Show him that
you mean it!
It’s that simple. This is not rocket science. Sometimes a guy may need a little coaxing so
some alcohol, weeds and condoms might not hurt.
The thing about this technique is the more you do it the better you get at it, and easier it
gets. Remember practice makes perfect. You keep this up and it may help you find the man of
your dreams one day!
Best Suggested Places to Meet Men (In No Particular Order)
Parking Lots Gentleman’s Clubs

Produce Section of Grocery Store Construction Sites
Liquor Stores or Liquor Departments Flea Markets
Home Depot The Zoo – Donkey or Zebra Area
Large Auto Parts Stores Truck Stops
Suggested Apparel to Increase Your Chances of Success
1. No Bra. 2. A Thong or No Panties 3. A Mini Shirt
Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is from the Hood

Ghetto is as Ghetto does!
1. Her house smells like roach spray

2. She has gold teeth and wears Hoochie Momma dresses
3. She says, “Who dat is”, and has a “baby daddy“.
4. She has big hair like Bart Simpson’s momma
5. She has a cardboard picture taken in the club with the spray painted background
6. She gets her nails done at a Korean nail Salon
7. She invites you to the Player’s Ball and wants you to pay and buy her an outfit
8. She invites you to the Gangbanger’s Picnic
9. She has a cell phone with no minutes, a pager and no telephone at home
10. She has a Link Card and don’t leave home without it.
11. The roaches in her house only come out when company comes over.
12. Her drinking glasses used to be jelly jars and her set still doesn’t match.
13. The heels of her feet are so ashy; they look like she was kicking flour.
14. She wears her shower cap everywhere but in the shower.
15. She dry-cleans washable clothes like jeans, t-shirts, and baseball jerseys.
16. She picks her teeth with a matchbook or a business card.
17. She wears the clothes with the tags still on them
18. She cleans her ears with a bobby pin, key, or an ink pen top.
19. She has trouble spelling her kids names and she named them
20. She wears house shoes everywhere but in the house.
21. She pronounces words like skrimps or strimps, skreet, lookeded, spisketti, skineded, or
fitna.
22. She got pissed of when the government stopped the free cheese program.
23. Whenever she eats macaroni and cheese she has to make a comment about gobment
cheese.
24. She takes the bus to the club.
25. She wears a watch that does not work.
Twenty-Five Ways to Tell if Your Woman is Trailer Trash
1. She can cook up some mean road kill stew.

2. She drinks sour mash and does the monster mash
3. When the devil went down to Georgia he slept in her trailer.
4. She rocks a Chevy Vega and a Ford Pinto Monster truck.
5. She can shoot a rifle better than Annie Oakley
6. When she rides a hog, it’s a real one like Arnold Ziffle from Green Acres.
7. Her mother gives gummers to plumbers.
8. She says meth is the new crack
9. She is featured in the dog and pony show
10. Her belly is so fat that if she pulls it back her panties will fall off.
11. She is a serial guest on the Jerry Springer Show.
12. Uncle Cracker is her real uncle.
13. The movie Deliverance is her family reunion documentary film footage.
14. She has a confederate flag tattoo
15. She wears Daisy Duke shorts and David Dukes t-shirts
16. She likes Jack Daniels BBQ sauce and Jack Daniels
17. She like Charlie Daniels
18. She can spit chewing tobacco like a grass hopper
19. She thinks the girls at Hooter are too sididdy.
20. She has all the episodes of He Ha on VHS including the lost episodes.
21. She is an NASCAR fan and her dream car is a swamp buggy
22. She has a mixed bloodhound, beagle, and pit bull dog.
23. She has a Tractor Pull All Access V.I.P. Pass.
24. She makes her own moonshine from a secret family recipe.
25. She has an Elvis Pressley King Collector plate hanging on the wall.
Extra Bonus
26. She has at least 4 teeth missing in the front of her mouth.
27. She has so many tattoos the tattoo lady at the county fair looked at her and gave her
money back.
28. She thinks the south will rise again is a slogan for Viagra and that Cialis is a Confederate
Civil War General.
29. The Marlboro man and John Wayne have slept at her grandmother’s house with her
grandmother.
30. Her mother is her sister and her father is her brother.
Twenty-Five Hidden Signs to Interpret
The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway
gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode -
these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.
Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex
Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay
Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins
Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin
Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow
Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow
Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm
Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way"
Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue
Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an
orgasm when you didn't
Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only
Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs
Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation
Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come
Changes tables – Nymphomaniac
Drinks Decaffeinated - Fakes Orgasm (Female)
Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)
Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money
Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex
Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a hand job
Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch
Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all
your closets, and take down all your sports posters
Under tips waiter - Small penis
Under tips parking valet - Small penis
Under tips cabby - Small penis
Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything
Return to Contents
Booty Call Etiquette Rules for a Successful Booty Call
1. No sleeping over
2. No meeting in public
3. No calls before 2a.m.
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit
5. No emotional discussions...(ex. Where are we heading with this? You know where it's
heading, to the bedroom. That’s where it’s heading!!)
6. No plans made in advance...that is why you are called the 'backup'
7. No non-sexual gifts (Altoids not included)
8. No baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers (in fact, no conversations are a plus)
10. No kissing (too intimate)
11. No calling each other "friends with benefits" (we are not friends and we never will be)
12. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK (Phrases such as, "HONESTLY I WAS THINKING
ABOUT TONI BRAXTON/ TYSON BECKFORD, are completely acceptable)
13. No extra clothing (I don't want your ass leaving anything behind that my real man/woman
might find!)
14. No guilt about falling asleep right after sex
15. Don't be offended if I don't ask if you enjoyed it (I don't care)...and don't ask me!! I'll get
mine - you worry about yours.
16. I will not walk you to the door/car for any reason.
17. If anyone asks who you are, the standard response will be, "My roommate's girl (man).
18. Doggie style preferred (rare exceptions when I am tired and let you ride)
19. Reason for doggie style: The less eye contact the better, it destroys the purpose
20. We hook up absolutely whenever the mood strikes
The aforementioned rules are NOT up for discussion: They are a pre-booty call agreement!
Return to Contents
Booty Call Rule: The Women' Versions
1. Be out before the sun rises!

2. If I haven't called you by 2 a.m., you're not on tonight
3. Come prepared to lay the pipe---no lovemaking shit
4. Do not ask "can we see each other from now on"-keyword: bootie call.
5. No advanced plans.
6. All gifts accepted!
7. Always smell good.
8. Unless you're DMX or Luke, do not refer to me as one of your bitches.
9. Don't ask how my last man performed-he might be someone you
know. (He might be bigger and better)
10. Kiss anything-except my mouth.
11. Remember my name, you will scream it often
12. Pick up all your shit when you leave
13. Afterwards, I will get my sleep on...do not wake me.
14. I don't care if you liked it...I got mine.
15. No hickeys-save that for your girl
16. Hell no, I'm not walking you to your car; don't you know what it looks like?
17. If a guy comes over when you are there, you're my cousin.
18. I'm not your lady; no cuddling after.
19. Don't try the "I forgot the condom" thing-just let me know what flava you like.
20. I'm not cooking dinner, but you WILL eat!!
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How to Impress a Women How to Impress a Man
Compliment her Show up naked.
Cuddle her Bring alcohol!
Kiss her Bring weed if applicable!

Caress her
Love her
Stroke her
Tease her
Comfort her
Protect her
Hug her
Spend money on her
Wine and dine her
Buy things for her
Listen to her
Care for her
Stand by her
Support her
Go to the ends of the Earth for her
Return to Contents
Interracial Relationships
Just like Quincy Jones, I believe variety is the spice of life and will not limit myself with
except for fat and or ugly women. It’s a spiritual thing and is deep down in the soul. I love them
all especially the very attractive women. Let me add that if you look deep enough, there is
something attractive in everyone an even fat woman. There are more flavors of women than
Baskin Robbins has ice cream and I want to try them all.
Maybe it’s just a coincidence that when a Black man becomes successful or at least in
some cases, he gets a white woman. There are also a lot of unsuccessful brothers out there
with white women. No, I’m not one of them. As long as a person does not forget his heritage
it’s fine. You can’t change what you are. I only date women of color, Black, Latino, etc. White
women are against everything I stand for and my moral convictions.
One definite downside of being married to a white woman is diet. I don’t think that I
would like to be condemned to eating salads, casseroles, quiche, tofu, and pasta for the rest of
my life. I got to have some fried chicken or pork chops not baked, red beans and rice, greens,
and peach cobbler sometimes.
My theory on brothers dating white women goes deeper. I believe that it started in the
1960’s when Sistas just started making up names for babies. Names like those Isha’s, Nisha’s,
and Kisha’s with about 12 other alphabets in front of it. The sisters names are hard to
pronounce and even more difficult to spell. These are actual Sistas names that I talked to on
the phone while working for the phone company from 1990 to 1993. Lezetha, Trunetta,
Kamblique, Tondalaya, Lakvivia, Shabraya, Darneather, Tieshianty, Zetherine, Limilah, Timiquia,
Eccorena, Clairesther, Arvella, Zaneasa, and Suphornia just to name a few. I did not make these
up; it’s easier to say Sue, Mary, Kitty or Lori. It’s nothing personal. Maybe O.J. realized that.
Back in the day, it was easier to name your children. Back in the day, Sisters used the
OSNM (The Old School Naming Method was to take the father’s first name and add an a or an e
to get the daughter’s name). Here are some examples.
Father’s Name Daughter’s Name
Andre Andrea
Brian Briana
Carl, Karl Carla, Karla
Dewayne Dewayna
Edwin Edwina
Eric Erica
Frederick Fredericka
Keith Keithia
Michael Michelle
Robert Roberta
Stephan Stephanie
Try your name here Add an a or an e
Generations later it was all tossed out. It got out of hand.
I want to keep my options open, so I’m going to put some Bruno Magli shoes in the
layaway just in case I need them just like O.J. Just for the record, if I was to have sex with a
white woman, I’d choose Xena the Warrior Princess.
When it comes to Black women dealing with White men, I really don’t care what they do
as long as I get some every once in a while. It does bother me when I see an attractive Black
woman with a White man. When Black men get a White woman she usually looks like a dog, he
met her at a trailer park or the state fair, or she was in the Special Olympics. We should trade a
nice one for a nice one. Two ugly for one ugly because when a Black man gets a White woman
she’s usually fat and ugly. Who’s winning and whose losing here? White folks have been
screwing us for centuries, and they are not about to stop now. White men are the only people
to hunt for the need to kill and dominate. White men are trophy collectors. They are predators.
You are the prey. Do you want to be another head on the wall? Do what you want to and be
ready for the consequences. Get ready for fall out because it’s coming. Jungle fever is a disease,
but. Once you try Black, you never go back.
This is something about the White man from the Native Americans.
When white man found this land, Indians were running it.
 No taxes
 No Debt
 Plenty Buffalo
 Plenty Beaver
 Women did most of her work
 Medicine Man gave free treatment
 Indian men hunted and fished all the time.
White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!
Cree Indian Law of the Great Spirit Law Number Seven is respect for difference, the basis of
Indian teachings. Everything we do in our way of life has to be based on respect for other
people and all living things. The Great Spirit made people of different colors like flowers. There
are red flowers, white flowers, black flowers, and yellow flowers. These flowers all make us feel
good when we look at them, and this is the way it is supposed to be when we walk among
other people—we should walk with courtesy and respect, and never with aggression or lies
because of their color or nationality. We should only think of beautiful things when we look at
other people.
People are not all the same. Maybe someday we will be, but in any event don't believe it. The
Creator made us in different colors, different nationalities, and that is the way he intended us
to be. The same force put all of us here; all of us are supposed to live and bloom just like the
flowers. We know that we all belong here in all our differences and that we must get along with
each other. It would be mighty boring if everyone looked alike.
Twenty-Five Rules That Men Wish Women Knew
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
2. No means no. Yes means yes. Maybe means yes.
3. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
4. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
5. If you did it voluntarily, we would not have to push your head down.
6. A headache that lasts for 3 months is a problem. See a doctor.
7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
8. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to
hear.
9. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
10. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics
as other Women butts, cars and trucks, the military, action movies, and what it would
be like to have sex with your girlfriend
11. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
12. No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
**Remind us frequently beforehand.
13. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.
14. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.
16. If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad
or angry, we meant the other one.
17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done but not both. If
you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
18. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
Get over it, and quit whining to your girlfriends - their relationship is no better.
19. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
20. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the seasons. Let it be. It is
what it is.
21. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
22. When we have to go somewhere, anything you wear is absolutely fine.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
25. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a
fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Return to Contents
She Said = She Meant He Said = He Meant
Yes = No I’m hungry = I’m hungry
No = Yes I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
Maybe = No I’m tired = I’m tired

I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to
have sex with you
We need = I want Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to
have sex with you
It’s your decision = The correct decision should Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have
be obvious by now sex with you
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex
with you
Sure go ahead = I don’t want you to Nice dress = Nice cleavage
Be romantic turn the lights out = I have flabby You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to
thighs fondle you
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for What’s wrong? I don’t see why you’re making such a
something expensive big deal
How much do you love me? = I did something What’s wrong? = I guess sex is out of the question
that you’re really not going to like tonight
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick your shoes off What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted
and find a good game on TV trauma are you going through this time?
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree I love you = Let’s have sex now
with me
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better
house before
Are you listening to me? = Too late you’re Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it
dead doesn’t look that much different!
The same old thing = Nothing Let’s talk = I’m trying to impress you by showing you
that I’m a deep person and maybe you’d like to have
sex with me
Everything = My PMS is acting up Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you
to have sex with other men
I like that one better = Pick any f*cking dress and let’s
go home!!
Return to Contents
Coming in 2010 in eBook!
The Highly Anticipated…
NICKEL
BAG
PUBLISHING THE FAT FACTOR
COMPANY
(WHY SOME MEN CHOOSE BIG WOMEN AND HOW TO DO IT SAFELY!)

www.TheFatFactor.com Coming Soon!
Timm “Yanz” Yancy, H.B.O.

Head Brother of Operations
Contents
“The Fat Factor”
(WHY SOME MEN CHOOSE BIG WOMEN
AND HOW TO DO IT SAFELY!)
1. All Fat Isn’t Bad for You!
2. Are you Built for Speed or Comfort?
3. Assitude Theory
4. Assthrax Warning
5. Aunt Bea, Aunt Jemima , and Mrs. Butterworth
6. Baby Phat VS Baby Fat VS Fat Baby VS Baby You’re Fat
7. BBBB - Big Bad and Bold Bitches
8. BBS (Big Bold Women) in my family. I’m glad I’m not an Arab or from Kentucky.
9. Bearillas
10. Best Cars, Trucks and SUVs, if You Have a Big Girl or Want One
11. Best Cities to Find Full Figure Women
12. Best Drinks for Big Girls
13. Best Food for Big Girls
14. Best Place to Find Fat Women
15. Best Places to Take a Big Women
16. Big Arms and Legs
17. Big Bold Women in Jamaica
18. Big Breastisis – Oral Breast Sex
19. Big Men and Skinny Women
20. Big Bullies
21. Big Feets
22. Big Girl Beauty (Booty) Contest
23. Big Girl Security Guards
24. Big Girls and Tattoos…
25. Big Girls Can Dance
26. Big Girls Can Sing
27. Big Girls Don’t Cry
28. Big Girls for Dummies
29. Big Girls Hands
30. Big Men Who Dress Like Big Women
31. Big Momma and Madiea
32. Big Women Dating Show
33. Big Women with Big Hands and Big Feet
34. Big Strippers

35. Biggie Size This …
36. Black Angus
37. Black Venuses
38. Body Painting – Murals
39. Buffalo Girls Go Round the Outside
40. Chubby but Cute Chicks
41. Country Big Girls VS City Big Girls
42. Dating Full Figure White Women
43. Dickie Do Disease
44. Do Big Girls Need Big Weave?
45. Down Low with Fat Girls
46. Even A Dog Likes Some Meat on His Bone
47. Famous Fat Songs and Song Phrases
48. Fat Blocker Tablets
49. Fat Girls for Dummies
50. Fat Girl Good Sex Myth
51. Fat Girls Gone Wild
52. Fat in Africa
53. Fat Jokes
54. Fun Fat Facts
55. Fun Things for Fat People to Do
56. Fun Things to Do with Fat Women
57. Genetic Predisposition for Fat Women
58. Gigolo to the Fat and Famous
59. Ground Beef or Steak
60. Hamburger Helper
61. How Big is Big?
62. How Women Feel about their Ass Study
63. How to Have Big Girls Eating Out the Palm of Your Hand.
64. How to Instantly Lose 100 Pounds of Ugly Fat!
65. How to Pick Up A Big Girl
66. How to Take a Sexy Bath or Shower with a FFS. Step by Step
67. I ATA (Chicken) THIGH Sorority
68. I Can’t Go for Fat
69. I’ll Bet My Mangina on That
70. If Fat was Money You’d be A Millionaire
71. Inside Every Big Women is a Little Women
72. Interracial Big Love or Pork the Other White Meat
73. Is Bigger Better? Better than What?
74. It’s a Thin Line between Fat and Thick
75. It’s a Thin Line between Pies and Cakes
76. Large Charge
77. Lazy Boy Chairs

78. Let’s Take First Things First
79. Light Skinned Big Girls VS Dark Skinned Big Girls
80. List of Food Festivals
81. Living Large
82. Meat or Sweets
83. Mother Love and Robin Givens
84. My Favorite All-Time Big Women
85. My Grandmother was Fat and I Loved Her
86. Name Your Favorite Pastry – Get to Know Her, Find out What Makes Her Tick and Ticks
Her Off
87. Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady
88. Older Men and Younger FFS – It’s a time for everything. Seize the moment
89. Older FFS and Younger Men
90. Old VS Young Big Girls
91. Oprah Winfrey
92. Other Big Black Men Who Dressed Like Women
93. Pass the Ham Hocks Please
94. Phone Sex with Big Girls
95. Please Don’t S.O.M.F. - Playing Carnival -
96. Plumper Humpers / Chubby Chasers
97. Salads or Meat
98. Say it Loud, I’m Fat and I’m Proud
99. Sex and Peanuts
100. Shallow Hal
101. She Left Me for a Fat Boy
102. She Let Me for a Fat Women
103. Short VS Tall Big Girls
104. Smoking Weed with Fat Girls
105. Soft and Fluffy
106. Some People Don’t Believe Fat Meat is Greasy
107. Spooning
108. The Best Beds for Big Girls
109. The Best Holidays for Big Girls
110. The Big Question… Original or Extra Crispy?
111. The Downside to Dating Fat Girls
112. The Fattest Cities
113. The Top 10 Best Gifts for Full Figure Women
114. The Weather Girls – It’s Raining Men
115. The Year of the Pig
116. Thick Love, Fat Love, or Phat Love?
117. Tips for Making Love to a Big Girl – Just Say No to 69
118. Top Reasons to Date Big Girls
119. Waking Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed

120. What Big Women Should Never Ever Wear
121. What if All Women Were Fat?
122. What is the Best Pet for Big Girls? Cats, Dogs, Fish or Birds? (Turtles)
123. When You Get Sick…
124. Who Killed Casual Friday
125. Why Big Girls Cheat
126. Why Do Big Girls Like Nicknames After Food
127. Why Marry a Fat Woman? You’re not Losing a Son, You’re Gaining a Ton and a
Daughter.
128. Why Big Women Loved Luther…
129. Women(Slim) Who Date Big Women
130. Worst Foods for Big Girls
131. Worst Places to Take a Big Woman.
132. Yanz on Big Women
133. Young Gifted and Fat
134. Your Arms are Too Short to Box with God or Me
135. Appendix A. Fat Love, Thick Love Test
136. Glossary
Subject to Final Editing!
What the Critics are saying...

Disclaimer: No celebrity endorsements intended or implied.
“These are life lessons learned from one Ladies Man to another.” Leon P. Chicago, Illinois.
“I don’t like big cars or big fat women but somehow I always find myself in them. Yanz Rocks!”
Kid R. Detroit, Michigan
“Yanz is an Old School pimp who really knows the game, he wrote the game, and he’s got game
and keeps it real.” Kat W. Los Angeles, California
“THIN is in, but FAT is where it’s at. It’s like Big Girls for Dummies. This Brotha knows his
Shiznit.” Sam J. Chicago, Illinois
“Thanks for the tips on where to find big girl. I expect happy hunting”. Elmer F. Alabama
“I deep down inside knew I loved big girls but I was ashamed of myself but Yanz showed me the
truth and I opened up and let my real self out. Words can’t express how I feel and having a
burden released. Before I felt like I had an elephant standing on my foot and now that weight is
lifted. Now I am finally free.” Scott S. Houston, Texas
“Yanz has given me the tools that I needed to step my game up. If I only have three books in my
personal arsenal they would be “The Bible”, a Cookbook and “The Fat Factor”. This book is
worth more than its weight, it’s a blessing.” Calvin M. Atlanta, Georgia
“You answered many questions that I had and I appreciate that. One thing you did not cover
and I’d like to know is do fat girls really like more ham meat or the skin?” Kirk H. Raleigh, N.C.
"This is what Men have been waiting on for years. It’s long overdue. It’s a Big Girls Lovers version of
“Waiting to Exhale." Tyrone M. A. Washington, D.C.
"What the “F” are you thinking about? Outrageous! Why do you write this sh@*? This book
should be banned. Yanz is one crazy mofo." Melissa V. New Orleans, Louisiana.
“What chu talkin’ bout Yanz?” Different strokes for different folks! G. Coleman, Utah.
"Buy a copy for you, your friends and family. It's a can't do without book. Buy- it. Read- It.
Work-It. Remember: Fore-Warned is Fore-Armed! Knowledge.” Yanz, Chicago, Illinois.
25 Twenty-Five Ways to Get a Fine Women
1. Win the lottery. Money talks and bullsh*t walks.

2. Image is everything. Stay clean, fresh and smell good enough to eat.
3. Take pride in your appearance. Wear quality clothing and keep it clean, pressed and
tailored. Never ever wear wrinkled clothes outside. Always wear a belt that fits, not one
that goes around half of your back or one you punched extra holes in. A belt only cost
$20.00.
4. Get a real job
5. Have some pocket change and a credit card.
6. Put on clean grown men’s underwear everyday and wear grown men’s’ underwear and
not kiddie shorts. The only exception is the elephant head underwear with the trunk on
the front and ears on the side.
7. Drop phrases like “do fries go with that shake?
8. Start using phrases like, “I need to find a new investment banker.”
9. Know the best restaurants in town
10. Keep your hair styled or at least get the back lined weekly.
11. Get a nice car that you can afford to maintain. Completely unacceptable cars are any
Hyundai, Geo Metro, or Ford Aspire.
12. Keep an extra Benz, BMW, Jaguar, or Lexus.
13. Spend some money on yourself. If you don’t, then women will think that if you’re cheap
with yourself, you’ll be cheap with them and you can’t hold you own.
14. Spend some money on her, but don’t go overboard and put yourself in debt.
15. Get a cell phone, that way you can reach out and touch her.
16. Get some business cards and pass them out every opportunity that you get. They are an
extension of your penis. They will call. Don’t make them on your computer. Buy
professional raised print cards. They only cost $20.00.
17. Hang out with fine Women. The others want to be seen and want to meet you. Plus
they want to know why you have it going on.
18. Buy some real shoes, not gym shoes, and keep them shined.
19. Make sure your clothes are coordinated and never ever wear white socks with dress
shoes unless you’re Mexican.
20. Get some decent jewelry, nothing excessive and only on ring per hand please, unless
you’re form Mississippi or have coordinated gold teeth.
21. Go to church. That’s where fine women congregate. Carry a bible; women might think
that you’re the Brotha she prayed for. You can be a “Freakin Deacon”.
22. Carry a current relationship book or romance novel and read it. When they ask you
questions turn it around and let them talk, you listen.
23. Get a part-time job at Victoria’s Secret.
24. Hang out in the produce and sausage sections of your neighborhood grocery store.
25. Learn to dance and have a sense of humor.
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Twenty-Five Ways to Get a Fine Man
1. Win the lottery. Money talks and bullsh*t walks.

2. Image is everything. Stay clean and fresh. Look and smell good enough to eat.
3. Take pride in your appearance. Wear quality clothing and keep it clean, pressed and
tailored. Never ever wear wrinkled clothes outside. Wear short skirts but don’t have
your butt out. Show some cleavage whether you have boobs or not.
4. Put on clean grown women’s underwear everyday and wear grown women’s underwear
like Victoria’s Secrets and thongs.
5. Get some business cards and pass them out every opportunity that you get. They are an
extension of your poontang. Men will call. Don’t make business cards on your computer.
Buy professional raised print cards. They only cost $20.00 for 1,000 at Office Depot.
6. Hang out with fine Women. You will be seen and Men will want to meet you. Plus they
will think that you have it going on.
7. Wear some real women’s shoes, not gym shoes, and not orthopedic looking or run over
shoes.
8. Make sure your clothes are coordinated and never ever wear white panty hose with
your dress shoes unless you’re Salvation Army worker or a church usher.
9. Get some decent jewelry, nothing excessive and only on ring per hand please, unless
you’re form Mississippi, Memphis or St. Louis.
10. Get a real job. Cashiering and shampoo girl don’t count.
11. Have some pocket change (dollars please) and a credit or debit card.
12. Drop phrases like “You sure have little hands and feet to be so tall”.
13. Start using phrases like, “I need to find a new investment banker.”
14. Go to the best restaurants in town but don’t eat like a pig.
15. Keep your hair styled and nails done. Limit or eliminate your weaves and fake nail tips.
16. Get a nice apartment that you can afford to maintain by yourself.
17. Keep an extra Benz, BMW, Jaguar, or Lexus.
18. Spend some money on yourself. If you don’t, then men will think that if you’re cheap
and easy. It’s okay to be easy but not cheap.
19. Spend some money on him. It takes money to get money. It’s an investment.
20. Get a cell phone, that way you can make and receive Booty Calls.
21. Go to the barbeque house around 8:00 p.m. on Friday. That’s where fine Men
congregate. Carry a small bible; men might think that you’re the Women he prayed for.
22. Carry a current relationship book or romance novel and read it. When they ask you
questions turn it around and let them talk, you listen.
23. Hang out in the produce and sausage sections of upscale grocery store.
24. Get a part-time job at a health club or gentlemen’s club. Learn to Lap dance.
25. Drop the drama and learn to have fun.
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Is She Attracted to Me?
All the signs are there -- if you know how to read them. This a great question and knowing the
answer will make going in for that kiss become her idea and not yours. That's right, Men -- the
first kiss has to be her idea. She has to want it and desire it, and learning what her body
language is saying is key to the first kiss and knowing if she is attracted to you.
When you are out on a date, sit across from her at a table, or if you are about to sit in a booth,
let her sit down first and see where she invites you to sit. Some women will invite you to sit
right down next to them in the booth and some will not. If she invites you to sit down next to
her, she is telling you that she has an initial attraction to you. If she sits on your lap, then forget
about the restaurant and make your move.
Be a listener, not a talker
The first step to making the date a true success is to listen to what she is saying. Pay attention
to the details, and react to what she has to say. Respond with something like, “That’s so
interesting”. That does not mean that you can't share a story or two about yourself, but the
best dates are the ones where you're in a listening and reacting mode rather than a talking and
bragging mode.
Of course, she wants to hear about whom you are and what you are all about.
 She does not want to hear you brag about how much money you have or how successful
you are. She also does not want to know about your negative dating history or how
many women you’ve scored with.
 She wants to know about what you have learned in life to this point.
 She wants to see how positive a person you are, and she wants to imagine being able to
hang out with you.
 She wants to know about your goals and aspirations. What are our ambitions?
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How to Read Body Language Cues
Now what type of body language should you look for when you're sitting across from her at
that table?
Pay attention to her eyes. One sign of attraction is when her eyes are open really wide, and her
pupils are enlarged when you are talking or when she is talking to you. If her eyes are closed
does not mean that she is dreaming about having sex with you. She might be thinking about me
because you are so boring.
Another sign of attraction is that when you are speaking, she will lean her body into you and
literally be drawn in with your words. She will not get up and go to the bathroom. She will sit
there and not want to miss a single second of the date:
 She will not look at her watch.

 She will not look around the room.
 She will be totally fixated on you the whole time.
 She will play with her hair and lick her lips before she moves towards you, because she is
creating a sexual feeling inside her.
 She will reach her hand across the table and glance at yours.
 She will touch your shoulder or another part of you very casually.
 When she is speaking, she will touch her leg or her face, imagining it was you who were
touching her.
There are many others, but these are a few good ones to get you started.
Keep in mind that what she is doing and communicating with her body is on a subconscious
level. She is not aware of what she is doing, and that is what makes this so powerful unless she
is freaky. Look for signs of that as well. Like no panties or bra.
One last thing: How do you know after all of this that she wants the kiss? She wants the kiss if,
when you walk her to the car, she lingers and keeps talking and looking at you. What you do
then is go in, move towards her lips, and see what she does. Then pull to the side and give her a
hug. This will create tension. If she then talks more, look at her, touch her face and move in for
the kiss. I usually will try to kiss her on the cheek, but it up to you. Go for it!
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Lucky Thirteen Tips for a Perfect First Date
Over time, I have always wondered, "How do I make that first date as perfect as she expects it
to be?" I've come up with a checklist of some of my favorite first-date techniques that will leave
her glowing at the end of the night. In fact, these are so good; she'll be e-mailing, texting or
calling you within the next 24 hours expecting more of the same!
1. It's OK to suggest a drink instead of dinner for a first date. It does not have to be alcohol. If
things don’t work out, then you saved time and money. It’s like an assessment to see if
you’d like to get to know each other better before you start to invest your hard earned
duckies.
2. Always call her by early evening on your date to confirm a next day get-together. For a
Wednesday date call on Tuesday evening. -- It’s the polite thing to do and it lets her know
you're already thinking about her. Also call when you are on the way.
3. Be sure to leave both your home and work phone numbers. If you don't leave your home
number, she might assume you have a wife or girlfriend. If you don't leave any number,
she'll wonder what game you're playing and think what kind of “Cheap A” Man is this? He
doesn’t have a cell phone and this is 2010. If you are cheap forget about it.
4. If you want to keep the plans a surprise, at least clue her in as to what to wear. You do not
want an overdressed, overstressed Women walking in high heels on a sunset beach walk.
5. Always listen to what she has to say, and make sure you wait until she's done talking
before responding. Don’t read anything into the conversation.
See Page 32. She -Said = She- Meant.
6. Don't assume that just because you're out with a beautiful woman, she knows how pretty
she looks -- she wants to hear it from you. Don't go overboard, though, or she might think
you're insincere. If you say it too much, she will think that you usually go out with
bearillas. (A cross between a bear and a gorilla.)
7. Men judge women according to whether they can picture having sex with them; women
judge men by whether they can imagine kissing them. White teeth, fresh breath, nice
shoes, cell phone turned off, and unchapped lips make her more likely to lock lips with
you that night. I hate to see a Woman with chapped lips. They look like fried pork rinds
(Skins).
8. Do not ask her, "So, what kind of music do you like?" The last 10 guys asked that. Be
original and instead fill your iPod with a great mix of music that expresses your style. Don’t
start off bumping booty call music like “Bump and Grind” right off the bat.
9. Tip well. Believe me, she'll be watching. They want to see if you are cheap. If you are
cheap they will blow you off and not the way you want her too.
10. Reading body language is simple: If she touches your arm, she's interested. If she touches
your leg, she's interested tonight. If she leans away from you the whole night, she is not
interested at all. Learn to cut your losses.
11. Very small gestures go a long way and show her you're a gentleman. When you drop her
off at her house, be sure to wait the extra 30 seconds while she gets inside and next time
you might be going in with her! Better yet, walk her to the door. Give her a hug and a kiss
on the cheek if she lets you. Don’t burn rubber down the street just as soon as she gets
out of the car.
12. Women need momentum. Without it, they lose interest or wonder if you have lost it, too.
Follow up with a phone call the next night. Even more important, ask her out at the end of
the date. Don't play games or wait.
13. Never look at another woman when you are on a date. If she catches your wandering eye,
you are done. If you have to close your eyes for a few seconds if a finer Women walks by.
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Twenty-Five Things to Not Say When You’re Having Sex
1. I have to take a poop. Can you hold on until I get back?

2. Smile for the camera.
3. This is your first time, right?
4. You’re almost as good as my ex.
5. When is this supposed to feel good?
6. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
7. My friends were right, you are good.
8. Actually your sister likes it like this…
9. What’s you name again?
10. Hold on, let me change the channel.
11. I think the condom broke about 15 minutes ago.
12. No you can’t get on top. You’re too fat.
13. They were right, fat girls do it better.
14. You don’t sweat much for a fat girl either.
15. My buzz is wearing off and you sure are getting ugly.
16. Get off me. I’ll finish by myself.
17. If I knew you were this bad, I’d beat my meat and would have kept the money I spent on
dinner.
18. On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.
19. Did you ever try doing it with a bag on your head?
20. Keep it down. My mother is a light sleeper.
21. Do I have to pay for this?
22. I good to be in bed with someone I don’t have to inflate for once.
23. Are you sure that’s the right hole?
24. I’m so glad I’m not gay anymore.
25. Don’t worry; I’m not going to release in your mouth.
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Indecent Proposals
How come that never happens to me? I think that guys feel different than women
about it. If it were my girlfriend I probably would not want her to do it because it puts me at
risk. I’d risk losing the money because she could walk after she got paid and I’d be left out in the
cold. With my wife I’d be legally entitled to half. No risk. No gain. Big risk. Big gain. Don’t forget
relationships are an investment. You get back what you put into it. If you don’t put anything
into it, you don’t get anything back. It’s not the money as much as the things that money can
do to enhance our lifestyles. “If you show me the money, you can sleep with me or my honey.”
I’d do it for her if she let me. I mean if she wanted me to.
I made an indecent proposal one time. I was at the bank and made a transaction. The
teller was very attractive young lady. I told her I’d like to make an indecent proposal to her. I
told her I wanted to hook up with her sometime after work and placed some money on the
counter. She counted it and said, “That’s only $17.00!” I said there’s more where that came
from. That shows that she was interested in the offer. I was just checking but they all have a
price. Sometimes more and sometimes less. Yes my proposal was indecent and as indecent as
it get. It would have been a decent proposal if she took the money!
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Sex According to Pastor Khathide (Ugandan)
A lot of people don't associate sex with God - they associate it with Satan and darkness, as if
sex is not holy... The bible is explicit when it comes to sex. Sex is holy within marriage and there
is no prescribed style. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the missionary position is the only
sexual style. Not discussing sex in a relationship leads to divorce!!!!!.
Pastor Khathide has counseled women who've complained: my husband treats me as if I were
his brother. There was one who told him: I am tired of getting sex fortnightly, like a salary.
Khathide told her she was lucky to be getting sex fortnightly, since some wives only get it on big
days, like elections.
Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in Hillbrow. Have you ever asked
yourself what those women have that you don’t? Wives have become very frigid and even
sleep with their panties. If you're a married woman, you should sleep naked and let your bum
touch your husband. Today you find men going out of their way to get a glimpse of a vagina.
They page through magazines and even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see
what's hidden under panties, because their wives hide it from them.
Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman should parade
naked and do some modeling to tempt her husband. There are many married women who
don't know what their husbands' penises look like. She only feels it when he enters her. They've
never touched it, let alone seen it, because the husband switches off the lights before
undressing.
A penis is a wife’s toy - she is supposed to play with it.
He blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about being tired after a day's
work. You find many couples who've been sexually starved for years. God created sex for
procreation and also for pleasure. You can't marry and not have a good time in bed.
WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT? Why can't you drive home during lunch and
have a quickie with your wife? We’re all equal in sex - it's not just about a woman satisfying a
man. You have to satisfy each other. Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied?
Have u noticed how she glows and becomes energetic?
This is the whole truth, nothing but the truth' so God told us from the beginning.
May the Lord Bless you.
Twenty-Five Things Never to Say to a Woman
1. I want you to be my baby’s momma.

2. Damn, you got a fat ass
3. Where’d you get that ass?
4. Are you married? Well do you fool around?
5. Help a Brotha out
6. Do fries go with that shake?
7. Can I have some head?
8. Can I borrow some money
9. Can I borrow your car or can I drive your car?
10. You look like a white girl
11. Do you have any spare change?
12. Is that your hair? It’s unbeweavable.
13. Let’s go to McDonalds
14. I want to be your baby’s daddy?
15. How old are you?
16. Have you put on weight?
17. How much do you weigh?
18. What’s up with your girlfriend? She sure is fine!
19. What’s up with your sister? She sure is fine!
20. What’s up with your momma? She sure is fine!
21. Are you hungry? (They always are)
22. When was the last time you had an AIDS test? Did you pass it?
23. Don’t I know you from the clinic?
24. Are you sisters or mother and daughter? Who is the mother? You look just like sisters.
25. Do I know you? You remind me of…
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Twenty-Five Things Never to Say to a Man
1. You look like you make good babies

2. Does it get any bigger than that?
3. You remind me of my babies daddy
4. Is that all you’ve got?
5. Understand?
6. Vienna sausage?
7. Are you related to A.C. Greene?
8. What kind of car do you drive?
9. I’m allergic to condoms.
10. You sound just like your mother.
11. My last boyfriend didn’t mind that.
12. That’s a man’s job.
13. Are you going to pay for it?
14. If you were a real Man you’d …
15. If you really loved me you’d …
16. Can I borrow some money?
17. Can I borrow your car?
18. Is that your real hair?
19. It’s a woman’s thing you wouldn’t understand it.
20. Do your kids have to come along?
21. When it comes to knowing how to treat a Woman, Men have a long way to go.
22. Why are Men so difficult on a Woman?
23. Do you mind if my mother comes along?
24. Don’t be so insecure. He’s just a friend.
25. Come on and Help a Women out
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Trust, Loyalty and Betrayal
If your relationship isn’t built on trust, then you don’t have too much of a relationship at
all. Trust is the foundation of a solid relationship just like concrete is the foundation for a
house. Can you trust too much or trust too little that is the question? You must have faith in
you relationship in order for you relationship to work. If you don’t you imagination will run wild
and you will think of all kinds of crazy things that don’t exist.
I am probably one of the most loyal people to know as long you are on my side. Loyalty
is one of the most important virtues that a person can have. It goes right along with trust. I take
it hard when I’m betrayed because of my loyalty and allegiance to whatever relationship I’m in
whether it’s love, work, or friendship. Only your friends and family can betray you. No one else
can get close enough to hurt you.
The opposite of loyalty is betrayal. Unfortunately some people just aren’t honest. Only
people that are close to you can betray you. Nothing hurts like betrayal, and only your friends
and family can do this to you. They have to be close to you. I’ve been there and it’s not a good
feeling. That’s part of the reason that I’m writing this book. It’s part of my therapy to get over it.
Forgive and forget. That’s about the most stupid thing that I ever heard. Why is it always
someone who has never been through what you had who tells you that? If they were in the
same situation, there would have been casualties, they would have snapped. Until you walk in a
person’s shoes, you can tell how they feel. How can you forgive and forget? It just can’t be
done. I might forgive but I won’t forget. Something you can never forget. In fact the harder you
try to forget something, the more you remember it.
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What Makes Men Cheat?
First we need to define what is cheating. Cheating is different things to different people.
Some especially women have different views on what cheating is than men do. To a woman
looking or talking to another woman is cheating. Going out for lunch with another woman is
cheating. Getting some tail is cheating. Is all cheating created equal? That’s a little too extreme
if you ask me.
To men cheating is something different and that also depends on what man you ask. I
think a more reasonable definition of cheating is having a sexual relationship of your current
relationship without the consent of whoever you are in the relationship with.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking at another person, the problem comes
when your other half makes a big deal out of it or you do it in her presence. Some people are
more secure than others and if they are insecure about you looking at someone else then you
are in for problems. There are other psychological issues at hand that go much deeper than you
looking at someone else. You are not a horse going through life with blinders on. You are a
person. Life has so much pain, sorrow and ugliness going that you need a peep at something
beautiful and exciting to keep you from getting more depressed.
A man goes astray mainly because of three things: Urges, insecurity, and opportunity.
When a man has urges that he can’t satisfy at home he has a greater tendency to satisfy
his urges away. I’m not saying that this is a good thing. It’s not. Sometimes we need to suppress
our urges and exercise some self-control.
When a man is secure with himself, he will not question his inner self as far as trying to
go outside of the home to find what he thinks he is missing. When a man is insecure and a
woman comes along that makes him feel good and satisfies this need, he will cheat.
Basically cheating comes down to one thing, and that’s not having self-control. Again let
me emphasize that getting head is not cheating. Giving head is cheating. Looking at other
women is not cheating and neither is having lunch or dinner with a woman unless she is on the
menu.
The Answer is: Forget all that theory and scientific crap about chemicals released when
you get excited and man is an animal and in mature males always have many females to breed
with. It’s all bull crap. Men are no different from women in this regards. People cheat because
of sex and that’s the bottom line. They want some and they have the opportunity to do it.
The question is can your forgive someone for cheating? If not I believe you did not really
want to be with that person in the first place and were looking for a way out especially if money
is involved. This is the litmus test. If someone cheats on you and it’s your spouse and you can’t
forgive them will you leave without any assets? If no you are full of crap as well. A friend of
mine told me if his wife cheated it’s no big deal. It’s only poontang. Also it is like a ticket for
him to get some as well, she can’t be mad at him is he got some and she did the same thing. It’s
like being a hypocrite. I think that’s a novel approach. Just like a “Get Out of Jail Free Card” but
for sex. It’s not that serious. I’ve been through it and I lived. I’ve been on both side of the
equation and it feels better on one side than the other but life goes on.
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Women Who Cheat with Married Men
I think they need to be lined up and shot in the head along with the married brother.
They are both detriments to society. If he found out someone was poking his wife, he’d want
to kill someone. These are the same women who say a good man is hard to find, or all the good
men are married. First, they are not good men because if they were married why are they
fooling around? Second, why would a self respecting, good man want a tramp like them
anyway? He would want a good woman. Justify it anyway you want to. They’re all still sluts.
You know a Man’s married when he tells you to call him at work, or page him but you
can’t call him at home. It’s something suspect about this. If he tells you that he’s getting a
divorce, either he’s lying or he’s not. Wait until he gets his divorce finalized before you hook up
with him. He can wait and if he can’t wait find someone else. I know it’s not easy. I’ve been
there myself. He is most likely not going to leave his wife for you. Think about this, if he left his
wife for you, why wouldn’t he leave you for another woman? It makes sense to me. Some
women want a married man because he has other commitments and can’t take up a lot of her
time. It’s only for sexual reasons. Ladies, please find a single man. He might not try to sweat you
any more than married guys. Who knows, it may just work out and he will probably treat you
better.
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Is Oral Sex Cheating?
That depends. Guys think differently about things and this is one of them. In the words
of Ex-President William Clinton, “Eating ain’t cheating”. I think that getting oral sex is not
cheating. Giving oral sex is cheating. Speaking of oral sex, when it comes to oral sex, there are
two types of people; those who do, and those who do and say they don’t. Are oral sexual
techniques innate or learned? I don’t know. I do know that I like to be done. You know 68. Do
me and I’ll owe you one.
Is there such a thing as bad head? No. Just kidding. When a brother gets nicked, that’s
bad. I’ve always been scared of women with braces. I would hate to get shredded like a veg-a-
matic. I prefer woman who doesn’t give head that well. If she’s too good, she had too much
practice. I don’t think it’s natural to be that good. I prefer a woman to practice on me. I’d like
for her to learn to be like a vacuum cleaner with dual cyclonic action, a woman who can suck a
golf ball through a garden hose.
Why shouldn’t the President get head? He’s the most powerful man in the most
powerful nation in the world. He’s under a lot of pressure. I think that’s the least that the
people could do to show their appreciation. Each state should have an elected position. What
does that House of Representatives represent? I wouldn’t give him head, but I’d vote for a
woman, providing I knew she was qualified to represent me. They could put it on the cable
station and call it “Heading to Washington”.
When I was in college I had a roommate named Calvin. He was about 5 years older. I
liked talking with him because he was a real Man and he was wise. One day he broke down the
True Story of the Garden of Eden to me. He told me about translations from the temples in
Egypt that said that the apple was symbolic of oral sex. When Eve offered Adam a bite of the
apple of the tree of life, what was actually was doing was hooking Adam up and women have
been suckers ever since. I don’t know if there is any truth to that, but it’s a good story.
What doesn’t belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Blowjob?
Blowjob: You can beat your meat or eggs but you can’t beat a blowjob.
What the difference between your paycheck and your pecker?
You don’t have to beg your woman to blow your paycheck.

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Oral Fixations
The oral stage is Freud’s first phase of psychosexual development. At the oral stage, the
sexual pleasure is predominantly related to the pleasurable activities of the mouth such as
excitation of the oral cavity and lips, associated with feeding. Oral fixation is a condition, which
causes certain people to always require stimulation of the mouth. Sigmund Freud coined the
concept. He thought that young infants get some sort of "orgasmic" pleasure from sucking,
chewing, biting, etc., because that is what is most important in their lives at that point:
nourishment through the mouth. Children who did not get enough stimulation were believed to
later on develop oral fixation. This picture persists as a prototype of the expression of sexual
satisfaction in later life.
Yancy’s Stages of Sexual Development Theory
Stage Age Area Affected Desired Objects
Oral Birth to 1 year Mouth, skin, thumb Breasts
Genital 3 to 5 years old Genitals Opposite sex parent
Anal 2 to 5 years old Booty Cheek squeezing Own Booty
Nasal 6 to 8 years old Nose Nose, Genitals
Facial Adolescence Facial Cheek squeezing Nose, Mouth, Booty
If during development the male has some issues that he does not resolve the anal and
nasal, and the facial stages may have a conflict, then manifesting into serial buttocks fondling
syndrome through the process of transference.
People with oral fixation can be identified because they are always eating, biting their
nails, licking their lips, drinking, chewing the tips of their pencils, or making out.
People with oral fixation can be identified because they are always eating, biting their
nails, licking their lips, drinking, chewing the tips of their pencils, or making out.
In the movie “Romeo Must Die”, there was a scene in where Aallyiah (with her fine self),
bought some ice cream cones for the kids in the neighborhood. She also got a cone for herself. I
could not wait for her to get her cone on. Unfortunately, the scenes of her eating ice cream
were edited or may have even been banned from the movie. I would have loved to watch her
licking the cone. That would have been a too die for scene. That’s the difference between a
good movie and a great movie. Cone. I think the producers thought that it was a little too risqué
for the movie. Just think about it for a moment, when was the last time you saw a woman
eating an ice cream cone in a movie? Never. Why? Someone in Hollywood thinks that this is
taboo. Some jerks in Hollywood with oral fixations feel guilty about being neglected as a kid and
as a result don’t allow others the pleasures to satisfy their urges. It’s a form control. What’s
wrong with eating ice cream cones? It’s a perfectly natural way to satisfy oral fixations. You
don’t have to be an adult to buy ice cream, so what’s all of the hype of not putting women
eating ice cream cones in the movies?
Question: What if I think I have an oral fixation?
Answer: If you believe you have an oral fixation, don't panic! Many people lead productive and
fulfilling lives despite their oral plight. In fact, many people believe Freud himself had both an
oral and nasal fixation, which explains the constant cigar in his mouth and cocaine up his nose.
Question: Can I correct an oral fixation?
Answer: More than likely, no. Some people may grow out of it, such as six year olds who still
suck their thumbs. However, there is no way to actively reduce oral fixated activity, especially
when you are somewhat older than that. For example, if you are thirty and still have an urge
to suck or lick your thumb, just give in and enjoy yourself. Don’t stop with your thumb; try to
expand your talents. That’s all I’m saying. You can’t help it because you have a medical
condition. I think you should get a check if it’s a disability, but it’s not up to me. Remember, one
person’s disability is another’s pleasure.
The experience of satisfaction is responsible for the construction of the subject's desire
and the continuous search for an object that can replicate this primal experience. In other
words, it’s like an addiction. You try to get the same sensations, thrills, and satisfaction as you
got earlier. It’s a chase for the rush.
An oral character structure is characterized by traits like greed, dependency, impatience,

restlessness and curiosity and I’ve seen some ugly characters in my times. Chewing, biting and
spitting are expressions of early aggressive needs, which later may play an important role in
depressions, addictions and perversions.
Question: Can I use an oral fixation to my advantage?
Answer: Yes you can. It's easy to satisfy an oral fixation. I’m sure that there are many Men who
would be more than willing to help a Woman out.
So, remember, living with an oral fixation is okay. Just thank Freud for giving it an
important medical name, which you can use to your advantage.
Believe it or not, this statement is true. The way a woman eats ice cream is an insight to
her sexuality. I think the absolute best place to meet a woman is the ice cream parlor during the
summer. The hotter the weather, the better. How does she eat her ice cream? Does she like a
cup or a cone? The cone is a phallic representation. Does she lick it off with her tongue or use a
spoon? Does she let it run down her hands and lick it off? Is she a super freak? Does the cup
represent a woman and a cone represent a man’s sexual organs? Does she like nut or no nuts?
If she does not like nuts, does she like cherries? Chocolate cherries? Does she moan when she
eats ice cream? Whipped cream or no whipped cream? Does she like the works?
If she likes it plain and in a cup is she denying herself pleasures or is she waiting for the
right flavor to come along. Does she stick to one type or is she adventurous? Does she only like
chocolate or vanilla? Is she adventurous and wants to try all 31 flavors? Does she want a
different flavor of the month? Does she want two scoops in her cup or only one at a time?
What about three? Does her cup runneth over? Does she like bananas? Yes there is
relationship between a woman and ice cream and her sexuality, and yes you can tell a lot about
a Woman by the way she eats ice cream.
There’s a lot to be said for the woman who gives good cone.at
Return to Contents
Spitters and Swallowers
I had a dream that one day I was walking through the woods with my young son.
As we were walking, a bird flew over our heads. My son asked, “Dad, what kind of bird is that?”
I said, “Son that’s a swallow.” He asked me, “Why are they called swallows?” I told him, “Son
there are two kinds of birds in this world, birds that spit and birds that swallow. That one
swallows. Some birds swallow and some birds spit.”
Spanking Your Monkey - Is Beating Cheating?

(Spanking the Monkey, Choking the Chicken, Pulling the Pud, Waxing the Candle)
Did you ever get busted beating your meat? It’s embarrassing. Look at what happened
to Peewee Herman. There’s a time and a place for that. You just can’t go around doing that
everywhere. He knew better. One night I was hanging out partying, drinking and when I came
home my woman was in bed sleep. I would have been inconsiderate of me to wake her up to
get some so I got in the bed and started to spank my monkey. Just when it started to get good
she grabbed my Johnson like a Samurai warrior catching an arrow. I scared the like out of him.
She said what are you doing? I said I was priming him up for you but you scared the Hell out of
me and almost gave me a heart attack. Look at him now. See what you did, you killed him. I
don’t want any now, just go back to sleep. I think I played it off.
Some Sistas think that waxing the candle is cheating. How can you cheat on yourself?
Beating ain’t cheating! It just doesn’t make sense. It’s safe, fun, and your hand can’t get
pregnant. You got to use sense and wash your hands before and after. You can still get and
transmit disease. If you did catch something you know where you got it. It’s the safest sex that
you can have. If you did catch something, you know whom you got it from. It’s half as messy
and you don’t have to worry about pregnancy.
What you do to your meat is your business. That’s how they came up with monkey
business. I believe that if the government could tax you for beating your meat that they would.
If they can’t control they either make it illegal or destroy it some way. I believe that in the
future the government will try to stop people from masturbating or try to tax it. They’ll call it
the Candle Wax Tax. I wouldn’t be surprised if disease is being created and we’ll have to wear
condoms and rubber gloves to choke our chickens.
In the future there will be a disease that you can catch form yourself. You’ll have to
e=wear rubber gloves to beat your meat ant they’ll tax the gloves just like they do with gas,
liquor, and cigarettes. You’ll have to go on the black market to get extra gloves because they
won’t be able to keep up with the demand for gloves.
Currently several states have laws on the books about what you can and can’t do
sexually. I think that what you do to your meat is your business. What’s the problem? I’m just
glad that it’s not illegal to have oral sex in Illinois. I’d have to drive about 45 miles to get to
Indiana. I guess to make it worth my while, I could fill my car up on cheaper gas, pick up some
lottery tickets, and go grocery chopping because they have don’t tax food.
If a guy goes to a sperm bank, they give you a sex magazine and a container. You go in a
little room and beat your beat. Everyone knows that’s what you’re doing in there. If you go in
with an empty cup and come out with something in it, then you must have been doing
something. It’s like a bank, it is a bank. They pay for deposits. If I had a dollar for every time I
spanked my monkey I could buy a zoo. Millions of dollars may have slipped from my hands.
It’s not unusual. At the end of the movie “Exit Wounds”, the talk show hosts were
talking about masturbating. It is one of the funniest things you can hear. Women, if you come
home and find a roll of paper towels in your bedroom on the nightstand and the windows and
mirrors are still dirty, please hook a Man up.
I heard about a guy who went to the doctor because his Johnson turned orange. The
doctor asked him what he did yesterday. The guy said nothing doc, I was at home watching
flicks and eat Cheetoes, and when I woke up the next morning it was orange.
A man’s best friend is his hand. It’s there through thick and thin. Good times and bad
time. I will never let a Man down. Women will come and go, but your monkey will always need
to be spanked. I was at the zoo one time and saw a monkey spanking his own monkey. One
book you’ll never see is The Joy of Spanking Your Monkey. It’s an instinct. You don’t have to
learn it. Spank your monkey like it stole something.
In order to make it easier on Men starting with myself, I’m going to start my own organization
called Penis’s without Partners. I’d also have foster homes and an adoption agency. On the
commercial I’d say I’m not just the president I’m a client. Help a Brotha out.
It starts when you’re a little boy in the tub and you run out of bubbles. First you take
your toys and swirl them around. They you get an idea. Let me take my thing and shake it
around in the tubs like an eggbeater. The next thing you know you go suds everywhere. They’re
over the top of the tub. You got suds on the floor. Suds are in the toilet; the toilet is covered up
with suds. You got suds in the sink. Before you even realize it, suds are everywhere. It so much
fun you want to tell your parents what you just discovered but that’s where the trouble starts.
Some things you just have to learn to keep to yourself.
Return to Contents
Twenty-Five Ways to Tell When It’s Time to Quit Your Relationship
1. When he or she turns to drugs and not hugs

2. When the bad times are more common than the good times
3. When she starts to answer your phone and then puts her message on your answering
machine
4. When you check the caller I.D. it’s him or her and you don’t want to answer the phone
and you hate to hear his or her voice
5. When debt gets high and funds get low
6. When the poontang is broke, you’re not getting sex and don’t care
7. When he or she stops listening to you and you don’t care
8. She plays the “Waiting to exhale “Soundtrack over and over
9. When she buys rat poison and you don’t have rats
10. When she buys 100 pounds of grits and a big pot. (And you don’t eat grits)
11. When you get tired of going to her bald, drunk, fat assed, hairy momma’s house for
Sunday Dinner
12. When you start drinking just to stay out late at night
13. When you join a bowling league just to get away and you don’t like bowling
14. When you stay out all night just to be sure that she’s sleep when you get home
15. When you watch the news and hope that she’s on it
16. When her kids start calling you daddy
17. When she gets too big to pick up without hurting your back
18. When you have babies momma or babies daddy drama
19. When you wake up in the morning and find her fat and you can’t go for that. No no.
20. When she fixes a plate and tell you to fix your own plate
21. When she comes into the bathroom to take a dump and you’re brushing your teeth or
when she changes sanitary products in your presence
22. When she farts in bed or she farts while you’re giving her oral sex
23. When she wrecks your car
24. When her waist size gets bigger than yours and you’re already fat as Hell or when she
can wear your pants and they fit her.
25. When she stops wearing thongs and negligees and wears hair rollers and flannel
pajamas and goes from she goes from size panties to size draws.
SPREAD THE WORD.

THINK INSIDE THE BOX.
PENIS ENVY GOES BOTH WAYS.
THE
MANGINA
DIALOGUES
The Male Sexual Coming of Age in the New Millennium
A BONA FIDE PHENOMENOM.

SEX HAS NEVER BEEN FUNNIER OR MORE POINGNANT.”
THE NEW YORK TIMES
“SPECTACULAR. An A Plus +.”

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY
BY
TIMOTHY J. YANCY
DIRECTED BY
TIMOTHY J. YANCY
Return to
The Mangina Dialogues

(The Male Coming of Age in the New Millennium)
Coming Soon………… 2009
Coming Fall 2010
By Timothy “Yanz” Yancy, H.B.O.

www.ManginaDialogues.com
www.myspace.com/ManginaDialoques
This book has not been rated but it does contain adult subject matter.
Copyrightconcepts,
For more relationship anecdotes, 2009 Nickel
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philosophies, rules, 97
Twenty-Five Ways to Get Out of Your Relationship
1. Stop calling. Start by telling him or her you’ll call her back and don’t. Call less frequently
until you stop. You got to wean them like a baby.
2. Stop visiting. Start by gradually cutting back your contact.
3. Start stealing their panties or drawers and wear them provided you have similar sized
butts.
4. Men buy some women’s panties and put them in your underwear drawer. When she
asks whose they are, you tell her you bought them for her. She’ll never believe it. You
won’t be able to answer the questions she asks, so she’ll think you’re lying.
5. Move or relocate. Get in the Witness Protection Program.
6. Give your partner a sexually transmitted disease.
7. Get another woman pregnant.
8. Men Only: Grab her, but don’t hit her. If she doesn’t kill you get away fast and don’t
come back.
9. Start drinking heavily. Put clear liquids in a vodka bottle and drink the whole thing by
you self. Tell her you’re not hurting anyone.
10. Buy a crack pipe and leave it somewhere they’ll find it. Tell them that you’re not
smoking crack. They won’t believe it either. Do not start smoking crack.
11. Start dressing crazy. They will not want to go out with you and be seen in public.
12. Start wearing sunglasses whenever you’re with them. When they asks what’s wrong
with your eyes. Tell them nothing. Again they won’t believe you and will think you’re
lying.
13. Accidentally leave a Women or Men’s phone number in your stuff when you empty your
pockets. When they find it, tell them that it’s an old friend from school.
14. Borrow some money and don’t pay it back.
15. Hit on her sister. Hit on her mother.
16. Hit on his Brotha. Hit on his dad.
17. Change your religion or join a cult. Change your name. The more exotic the better.
Please be careful and don’t get caught up. Remember this is only temporary.
18. Start hanging out with her girl friend or his boy.
19. Start hanging out with a Women or Men they can’t stand.
20. Spank their bad assed kids. That will piss her off.
21. If they don’t smoke, smoke weed in their car when they let you use it.
22. Drive another woman in your car. When she moves the car seat your woman will know
that someone else was in the car and start asking questions.
23. Tell him or her that you’re gay and just could not take being straight anymore.
24. Go to Jail. This is a last resort. Sometimes you’ll be safer in jail.
25. Get married to someone else. This is also a last resort strategy.
Yancy’s Law on the Second Time Around
Things will never be the same as they were the first time. It will get much worse, much
quicker.
Just like Sade’s song, “It’s never as good as the first time”. Let’s not mention Shalimar’s
Second Time Around. I dated a woman named Channel again after a few years and it was even
worse the second time around. It only lasted less than two months because of the same things.
SSDD (Same Stuff Different Day). Some things don’t change only time does.
Return to Contents
ABC’s Mans’ Guide to Breaking Up
A is for Another. If she isn't the right lover for you then find another.
B is for Bash. If she doesn't want you than you can bash her name all over town.
C is for Call. Tell her you will call her, even though you have absolutely no intention of ever
speaking to her again.
D is for Duck. If you see her duck around the corner. Avoid running into her at all costs.
E is for Esteem. Never, ever leave her with her self-esteem intact. She may just see you for the
scum-sucker that you really are, meet a new man, and get a better life.
F is for F*ck. Yes, it's okay to still f*ck her.
G is for Guilt. Don't worry about guilt. These feelings will pass when you realize just how
wrong she did you by loving you.
H is for Handy. See "F is for...”
I is for Insecure. If you are insecure about the breakup tell her you still want to be 'friends'.
That way if you ever change your mind...
J is for Jealousy. Whenever you see her displaying jealousy over your new playmate, tell her
exactly how much better you're doing without her.
K is for Kiss. Make sure at the time of the breakup to give her a deep, throaty, seductive, 10-
minute long kiss goodbye. Women love this!
L is for Love. Tell her it hurts you more than her because you love her so much. This insures
that she will find it very difficult to let go.
M is for Masturbate. When it becomes necessary to masturbate -- never, ever fantasize about
her. This can be very damaging to your mental health and sexual well-being.
N is for Narcissistic. This is a trait that women find most attractive in a man. Narcissistic men
don't ever have to go through breakups, even if they wanted to -- they can never really, truly
leave themselves, anyway.
O is for Old. Yes, a 26-year-old is much too old for you! Dump her--you can always find a much
younger woman (maybe your daughter has some friends?...)!
P is for Pity. When you still see her alone weeks later walk up to her and tell her you pity her
inability to find someone. Remind her again exactly how much better you're doing without her.
Q is for Quantity. You can never tell her too much how very wrong she is for you. The quantity
of your rejection is what women really want to hear.
R is for Ridiculous. Don't be ridiculous, of course you'll find better.
S is for Sex. See "F is for...”
T is for Timing. Timing is everything. Plan your breakup about the time term papers are due,
she is late with her period, or her mother just died. This way she will be so busy with other
things in her life that she'll breeze right through the breakup.
U is for Unnatural. It is unnatural to have any contact with a woman you professed to love for
years. See "D is for...”
V is for Vow. Vow to love her forever--this prevents her from letting go and moving on. Follow
up with "K is for...”
W is for Wink. Wink at every woman you meet or see. Old ones, young ones, fat ones, skinny
ones, tall ones, short ones. Woman are stupid, they will not know you have no self-esteem.
They will think they are cute.
X is for Xylophone. Everybody knows that.
Y is for You. Remember you are the most important factor here. Step on all others.
Z is for zzzzzzzzz. If you followed steps A-Y you should be able to get your zzzzzzzzzzz's!
Return to Contents
ABC’s of Getting Dumped
A is for Arteries.
You know the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you.
You twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B is for Bitter.
Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married
and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow
completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later.

She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped.
Does “D” need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig.

Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take
her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she
ate more than your Uncle Billy (you remember Uncle Billy the one with the bar-b-que sauce
stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders
why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.
F is for Friends.
That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.
G is for Gun.
And yes there is a waiting period.
H is for Horny.
Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her.

Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.
J stands for Jim.

This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does
Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill.
L is for Love.
It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
L is also for Lunatic.

Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.
M stands for Mephistophiles.

That is who she worked for.
N stands for Necrophilia.

She didn't move very much, did she?
O is for On top.
When on top she has another O word.
P is for Pill.
She said she was on it. She lied. She is now suing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Q is for Quitter.
She couldn't last.
R is for Rich little Bitch.

She bought my love but I paid for it.
S stands for Stab.

Stabbing would be fun.
S is also for Steve.

Steve was the guy that was sleeping with her. Steve is a bad person. Perhaps you should stab
Steve.
T is for torture.
Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies. She
even tortured you with whips and hand-cuffs.
U is for Understatement.
Saying you hate that fucking bitch is an understatement.
V is for Voluptuous.
That is the primary reason you were dating her in the first place.
W stands for Wine.

Wine is expensive. She loved wine. She got drunk awfully slow though. After too much wine she
liked to fuck. But after too much of it she puked; that is, from the wine. Not the activity.
X is for Xylophone.
Because X is always for xylophone.
Y stands for You suck. You punk assed bitch!

Remember when she yelled that at you.
. Stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what
P stands for? It also means you won't get any for a week.
Return to Contents
Twenty-Five Signs the Romance has Gone Out of Your Relationship
1. You let one rip in your sleep and don't care if he hears.
2. Talking dirty in bed means shouting obscenities when he hogs the blanket.
3. Chivalry's as dead as the door he lets slam in your face.
4. PMS lasts all month.
5. Your jumbo box of absorbent maxi-pads is on open display.
6. "Honey, what are you thinking?" is now, "Are you finished yet?!"
7. He yawns when you bitch about that guy hitting on you at work.
8. Those frilly, lacy, tiny panties have become way too uncomfortable.
9. Two weeks no orgasm.
10. Three weeks no orgasm ... and you still don't miss it.
11. When he lends you five bucks, he expects it back.
12. You'd rather spend quality time with your vibrator.
13. The way he breathless is getting on your nerves.
14. Your Spouse uses your toothbrush to scrub tile grout.
15. Candlelight dinners now illuminated by sticks of dynamite.
16. Spouse has gone from moaning while making love to moaning ABOUT making love.
17. Victoria's Secret? More like K-Mart's Special.
18. The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC.
19. Morning breath no longer gives you that same thrill.
20. Husband's casual suggestions to "try swinging" are growing alarmingly frequent.
21. Your husband wants to adopt a 17 year-old waitress from Hooters.
22. A romantic Saturday night at home now includes the Andy Griffith Show.
23. Husband keeping list of things he'll do after you're finally dead.
24. Request for sex now gets him $100 and a ticket to Vegas.
25. Your prefer to sleep with the dog in the bed over your spouse.
Return to Contents
Unfortunately, Sometimes Relationships End.
When they do, the breakup can cause much pain to either or both partners for a significant
length of time. If you are someone who has recently ended a relationship or if you know
someone who has, this week's newsletter will help you or them deal with the pain of a breakup.
The following is a list of suggestions for people ending a long-term relationship:
Remember that you…

 will feel pain
 have survived this type of pain before and will this time as well
 will feel lonely
 have survived feeling lonely before and will again
 are ok and lovable
Accept that…
 the relationship is over
 your ex partner has both good and bad qualities; do not idealize or discount him/her
Focus on your…
 self
 personal growth
 self care
Complete with your…

 self
 your ex
 Own…
 the magnificence of who you are
 your part in the relationship break up
Give yourself time to…

 grieve
 be alone
 recover
Make sure that you…
 get touch, from friends or a body therapist
 have someone to come home to sometimes, such a relative or a friend
Reinvent your…
 community
 self
 future
 dreams
The following is a list of suggestions for people ending a short-term relationship:

Realize that…
 the pain you feel is not about your ex partner, but about your past
 if you start healing your past the pain will subside
 holding on to anger at an ex partner will keep you attached and in pain
Complete with…
 your ex partner
 all of your ex partners
 your parents
Give yourself the…

 room to grieve
 room to grow
Build for yourself a…

 community
 self esteem
 a life that you love
Whether you are ending a long term or a short term relationship…

 don't look for a new relationship until you are done grieving
 trust that when ready you will attract the right partner
 welcome the pain as an opportunity to evolve
Through self-evolution you will be able to create a great relationship you dream of.
Return to Contents
This One is for Men Only!
I have a sure fire, guaranteed, fool-proof way of getting out of a bad first date. As soon as you
realize things are not working out and you want to end it try this. In the “Tell me something
about you part of the conversation”, you say, “Well, I’m an ex-convict, I love to smoke, drink,
choke my chicken, sometimes I stink, I hate church, I’m cheap, selfish, unemployed, got five
different baby mommas, and I live in my mommas basement but if take the time to get to
know me you may find out that I really a nice person. By the way did I say that I like to spank
my monkey?”
At that point if she doesn’t leave, then it’s really important that you do. If she’s still interested in
you after that, she is crazy and you need to get away quickly!
Return to Contents
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Coming Winter 2010
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You Can Tell a Lot about a
Woman by the Way She
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Eats Ice Cream!
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A compilation of 101 anecdotes, concepts, ideas,
opinions, philosophies, rules, stories, theories, thoughts,
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tips and more from A to Z on having relationships with
Women from a Urban Male perspective.
zxcvbnmqwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm www.MySpace.com/YouCanTellaLot
[Release Date: Winter 2010]
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Timothy ”Yanz” Yancy, H.B.O.
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This book has not been rated but it does contain adult subject matter.
Copyright 2010 Timm Yancy Nickel Bag Publishing Company
dfghjklzxcvbnmrtyuiopasdfghjklzxcvb All Rights Reserved
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For more relationship anecdotes, concepts, help, humor, ideas, insights, jokes, opinions, philosophies, rules,
109
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Twenty-Five Ways People Go Wrong in Relationships
Where did you go wrong? How could you have misunderstood what you thought was clicking
or hitting it off? Maybe it's time you learned the Twenty-Five turnoffs that make good Men and
Women say goodbye. If any of these sound like you, it's time to re-evaluate yourself.
1. Blame and Criticism. Instead, ask for what you want in a clear, specific and positive
manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel
competent—that we make a contribution and that it is noticed.
2. Assumptions – Assume – u make an ass out u and me. That’s what it means to assume.
3. Making decisions without knowing all the facts – Speculation, and a guess at best. Get
your facts straight just like you are going into court otherwise all you got is conjecture
and bullshit.
4. Jumping to conclusions – That’s like adding 1 + 1 = 4. It’s not right and something is
wrong with your thinking process to come up with the answers you get.
5. Taking things for granted – Don’t become too familiar and relaxed. Stay on your toes
and stay on your game.
6. Not asking – If you don’t ask I won’t tell you. Ask and you will receive. Don’t get mad at
me because I didn’t do something you wanted me to do. If it meant that much to you
then you should have asked me. Likewise don’t take anything without asking. It’s not
that I would not have given it to you, but you took it without asking which is the same as
stealing. It’s about courtesy and respect.
7. Talking too much – You are like a parrot you never shut up. Give me a break. When you
are constantly talking then nothing is important, I think you may have psychological
issues when you have a constant need to exert your opinion when nobody asks you or
cares what you think.
8. Talking too little - It’s like we have to pry information out of you. You are the opposite
of a parrot. You are boring and no fun. Do you think I could read your mind?
9. Talking to the wrong people – You let people know your business who don’t have a
need to know. They make take what you say and use it against you. You got a right to
remain silent. Know when and how to exercise that right.
10. Telling their business – You talk too much sometimes you never shut up. Think first
before engaging your mouth. Words are like a shot arrow, once gone they won’t come
back.
11. Texting – You’ve seen it in the news, people get caught cheating and other problems
because they put it in writing. Just as much as you want to put it in writing, there is
someone who wants to show what you wrote. It can come back on you like a
boomerang and bike you on your butt.
12. Holding out – You are not in contract negotiations for a professional team. You are in a
relationship or trying to get in one. Holding out may get you left out in the cold.
13. Holding back – This is different than holding out, here you are not living up to your
potential. You are slacking. What you get, is what you give. If you’re doing a half assed
job say when you are having sex for example, then that might be your last and only
time. No one wants a lazy piece of ass not even a lazy person.
14. Trickery and Treachery – There are a lot of want to be slick people other there and it’s
scary. It takes the same effort to build than to steal, but stealing pays better because it’s
all profit. Look out for these types. Beware.
15. Lying - Don’t tell a lie when the truth will do. Why lie in the first place? Do you think the
other person is dumber than you? Do you really think you are that smart or slick. You
might get surprised in an ugly way.
16. Misleading - Misleading Women: Her profile says no kids, athletic and rolling in dough.
The first date reveals four kids, four different baby fathers, an extended waistline and
the dough she has comes from working at Dunkin’ Donuts.
17. Being late - Tardy Women: She arrives late, she no-shows, she changes plans last-
minute, she loses his number, she flat-out just doesn't respect a guy's time.
18. Being Lazy – Not taking initiative. This is a relationship killer. It takes two not one to get
things done. It builds resentment when one person does all the work and the other
wants all the glory and benefits. Get off your butt and pitch in. Iron your clothes, clean
your kitchen and take tout the trash. Throw yourself in the can while you’re at it.
19. Stealing, Cheating and other forms of Dishonesty – It’s all the same mentality, if I can
trust you I don’t want to be around you. Don’t snoop around in my house or look
through my wallet, pockets or cell phone. Are you a spy or informant? Do I look like I’m
a person of interest in an on-going investigation?
20. Playing Games -"Maybe I'll kiss you goodnight, maybe I won't." Good Men like to know
where they stand. They leave the game-playing for the sports field.
21. Insecurity - She reads into every comment a Man makes instead of listening to what he
said, she tries to make something more out of it. There’s nothing to interpret, I said
what I meant. She wants to know right away if we can hook up again tomorrow. She
asks you to call the minute you get home. She is a potentially needy girlfriend lacking
independence.
22. Getting in your business – Don’t ask me so many questions and try to give me advice
and tell me how to run my thing. I’ve been doing this before I met you and have people
to go to for answers. I did not ask for your advice so, please don’t impose yourself on
me. My business is my business and I want to keep it that way.
23. Grilling – Giving you the Third-Degree: The cross-examination begins before the menus
arrive. Just like the movie, the questions are coming “Too fast and too furious”, and the
Man begins to feel like the defendant on the stand in a criminal trial.
24. Getting in your face – Slow your role. I don’t need this kind of aggression and hostile
behavior. I’m a lover not a fighter. I can hear you from over there and I think that you
need to stand down and back off. You are invading my space.
25. Conceited People: "Any guy/woman would be lucky to have me." Guess what, the great
guy /woman across the table is also a real catch. Maybe you should date yourself.
Bonus
26. Talking Marriage too Early: He knocks over his drink into the salad when all of a sudden
she busts out on what they should name their kids and it’s only the first date. Baby this
is macaroni not matrimony. Get to know each other first. Maybe have sex first.
Intense relationships can be exciting for a good Man, but walking down the aisle before
you walk each other home for the first time is a turn-off.
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Yancy’s Matrixes of A Women
Below are a few matrixes that I find may come in handy. Women can usually fit into one
of each category below and come up with a total matrix of the true Women. Try it for your self
and see.
Looks/ Sex Matrix
Good Looks Good Looks
Good Sex Bad Sex
Bad Looks Bad Looks
Good Sex Bad Sex
Looks/Smarts Matrix
Cute Cute
Smart Stupid
Ugly Ugly
Smart Stupid
Butt/Breast Matrix a.k.a. Ass/Tits Matrix
Has Butt Has Butt
Has Breast No Breast
No Butt No Butt
No Breast Has Breast
Weight/Money Matrix
Slim Slim
Bank Broke
Fat Fat
Bank Broke
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I don’t want to get carried away, but you can see the idea. Try one on your own below.
Have some fun.
Title ____________________ Matrix
Title ____________________ Matrix
Title ____________________ Matrix
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What Tree Did You Fall From?
Find your birthday, find your tree and then scroll down... This is somewhat accurate, also in line
with Celtic astrology.
Jan 01 to Jan 11 Fir Tree

Jan 12 to Jan 24 Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 Lime Tree
Mar 21 Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 Fig Tree
Jun 24 Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 Lime Tree
Sep 23 Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 Rowan Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 Fig Tree
Dec 22 Beech Tree

Dec 23 to Dec 31 Apple Tree
APPLE TREE (Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura,
flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and
tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with
imagination.
ASH TREE (Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care
for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very
reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but
takes partnership very seriously.
BEECH TREE (Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good
organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks,
reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)
BIRCH TREE (Inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, pretentious, modest, does not
like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate,
full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.
CEDAR TREE (Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health,
not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes
to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love,
able to make quick decisions.
CHESTNUT TREE (Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress,

well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and
sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not
understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.
CYPRESS TREE (Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what Life has to give, content,
optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot
be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.
ELM TREE (Noble-Minded) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, loudest demands, tends not to
forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes
making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.
FIG TREE (Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction
or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense
of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.
FIR TREE (Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, Loves anything beautiful,
moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very
ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.
HAZELNUT TREE (Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to

make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover,
honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.
HORNBEAM TREE (Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is
not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks
for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom
happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.
LIME TREE (Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and
labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many
talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very
jealous but loyal.
MAPLE TREE (Independent) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and
reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous,
has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.
OAK TREE (Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does
not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.
OLIVE TREE (Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids
aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive,
empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.
PINE TREE (Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life
comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but
its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal,
trustworthy, practical.
POPLAR TREE (Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very

self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very
choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward
philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.
ROWAN TREE (Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw
attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and
independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
WALNUT TREE (Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive,
noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility,
difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very
jealous and passionate, no compromise.
WEEPING WILLOW (Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic,
loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can
be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds
sometimes an anchoring partner
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Let it go ...
By T. D. Jakes
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't
want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring
about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that
left.
The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not
for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you
can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to
raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's
the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I
know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your
life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ........

LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ......
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take
your hands off of it,"! then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.
GOD is doing a new thing for 2007!!!
LET IT GO!!!
Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then ...
LET IT GO!!!
"The Battle is the Lord's!"
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Lord Teach Me to Forgive
One day a while back, a man, his heart heavy with grief, was walking in the woods. As he
thought about his life this day, he knew many things were not right. He thought about those
who had lied about him back when he had a job.
His thoughts turned to those who had stolen his things and cheated him. He remembered
family that had passed on. His mind turned to the illness he had that no one could cure. His
very soul was filled with anger, resentment and frustration.
Standing there this day, searching for answers he could not find, knowing all else had failed
him, he knelt at the base of an old oak tree to seek the one he knew would always be there,
and with tears in his eyes, he prayed "Lord - You have done wonderful things for me in this life.
You have told me to do many things for you, and I happily obeyed."
"Today, you have told me to forgive. I am sad, Lord, because I cannot. I don't know how. It is
not fair, Lord. I didn't deserve these wrongs that were done against me and I shouldn't have to
forgive. As perfect as your way is, Lord, this one thing I cannot do, for I don't know how to
forgive. My anger is so deep, Lord, I fear I may not hear you, but I pray that you teach me to do
this one thing I cannot do - Teach me To Forgive."
As he knelt there in the quiet shade of that old oak tree, he felt something fall onto his
shoulder. He opened his eyes. Out of the corner of one eye, he saw something red on his shirt.
He could not turn to see what it was because where the oak tree had been was a large square
piece of wood in the ground. He raised his head and saw two feet held to the wood with a large
spike through them. He raised his head more, and tears came to his eyes as he saw Jesus
hanging on a cross. He saw spikes in His hands, a gash in His side, a torn and battered body,
deep thorns sunk into His head.
Finally he saw the suffering and pain on His precious face. As their eyes met, the man's tears
turned to sobbing, and Jesus began to speak. "Have you ever told a lie," he asked? The man
answered - "yes Lord". "Have you ever been given too much change and kept it?" The man
answered "yes Lord". And the man sobbed more and more. "Have you ever taken something
from work that wasn't yours?" Jesus asked. And the man answered "yes Lord". "Have you ever
sworn, using my Father's name in vain?" The man, crying now, answered "yes Lord". As Jesus
asked many more times, "Have you ever", the man's crying became uncontrollable, for he could
only answer "yes Lord".
Then Jesus turned His head from one side to the other, and the man felt something fall on his
other shoulder. He looked and saw that it was the blood of Jesus. When he looked back up, his
eyes met those of Jesus, and there was a look of love the man had never seen or known before.
Jesus said, "I didn't deserve this either, but I forgive you." It may be hard to see how you're
going to get through something, but when you look back in life, you realize how true this
statement is. Read the first line slowly and let it sink in.
This is simple, and important. Read on... This first line is deep.
If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it. Lord I love You and I need You, come into
my heart, Today. For without You I can do nothing.
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INSTALLING WIFE Vista 1.0 for Windows
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend XP 5.0 to Wife Vista 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down
in overall system performance - particularly in the fun and great sex applications, which
operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0.
In addition, Wife Vista 1.0 installed many other programs, such as Shopping 9.5, Headaches 6.5
and Nagging 6.0, and then uninstalled desirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0., MLB 4.0
and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 runs longer, and House Work 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running
Aspirin 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Husband
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Girlfriend XP 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Wife Vista 1.0 is an
Operating System. Please enter the command: http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm and try to
download Credit Cards 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application
works as designed, Wife Vista 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Fun 2.0 and
Great Sex 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Wife 1.0 to default to
Grumpy B. 2.0, Hold Out 7.0, or Get Fat 6.1. Get Fat 6.1 is a very bad program that will
download the Smelly Lady Beta Version.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, which
will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the
Girlfriend 5.0 or Mistress 2.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Wife
1.0. and you may need an Anti-Virus Application as well.
In summary, Wife Vista 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited functionality, limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional utility
software to improve functionality, memory and performance. We recommend Wine 2.0, Dine
3.0 and Lingerie 8.0. To improve your hardware performance we recommend Viagara 2.0, Cialis
1.0 or Levitra 3.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
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INSTALLING HUSBAND Vista 1.0 for Windows
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend XP 5.0 to Husband Vista 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow
down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which
operated flawlessly under Boyfriend XP 5.0.
In addition, Husband Vista 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5
and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0.
and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried
running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate House Wife
Dear Desperate House Wife:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend XP 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband Vista 1.0 is an
Operating System. Please enter the command: http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm and try to
download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt Trip 3.0 update. If that application
works as designed, Husband Vista 1.0 should then automatically run the applications jewelry
2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to
default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that
will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, which
will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the
Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications will crash Husband 1.0. and may
also cause Divorce 50/50 Version 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn
new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory
and performance. We recommend Hot Wings 3.0 and Lingerie 9.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
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When to keep your mouth Shut! Don’t open your mouth…
1. In the heat of anger. Proverbs 14:17

2. When you don’t have all of the facts. Proverbs 18:13
3. When you haven’t verified the story. John 7:50
4. If your words will offend a weaker brother. Corinthians 8:9
5. If your words will be a poor reflection of the Lord on your friends and family. Philippians
1:27
6. When you are tempted to make light of holy things. Matthew 12:36
7. When you are tempted to joke about sin. Proverbs 14:9
8. If you would be ashamed of your words later. Proverbs 8:8
9. If your words convey a wrong impression. Proverbs 17:27
10. If the issue is none of your business. Proverbs 4:24
11. When you are tempted to tell an outright lie. Proverbs 4:24
12. If your words will damage someone’s reputation. Proverbs 16:27
13. If your words would destroy a friendship. Proverbs 16:28
14. When you are feeling critical. Roman 14:4
15. If you can’t speak without yelling. James 1:20
16. When it is time to listen. Proverbs 18:21
17. If you’ve already said it more than one time. (Then it becomes nagging) Proverbs 19:13
18. When you are tempted to flatter a wicked person. Proverbs 24:24
19. When you are supposed to be working instead. Proverbs 14:23
“Whoso keepth his mouth and his tongue, keepth his soul from trouble.”
Proverbs 21:23
Complied by Jessie Rice Sandberg
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These are Wonderful Words of Wisdom:
You can't be all things to all people.

You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.
So:
You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others,
Because no one else is in the contest of *being you*.
Then:
You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.
Dare To Believe:
That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.
And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.
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The Female Brain
The Male Brain
Marriage Thoughts
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I
do” is the longest sentence? I don’t really know if I want to be married. If the right Woman
comes along at the right time and I knew the right reasons to do it I probably would get
married. I’ve been married once for over two years. I married the wrong person for the wrong
reason. I’ve also had a live in relationship for almost three years. That relationship did not work
out in the end. I think that I usually get tired after about three to four months. Then I like to
move on. Relationships aren’t meant to last. They are only meant to be temporary. Most don’t
work out. Just think about it. The root word “relation” means relative to something. That
something is usually time or convenience.
If I do get married, I would like to do it in the next two years. So I really don’t have a lot
of time to waste. The type of woman I want to marry is not necessarily my dream woman or
ideal woman, but it sure would be nice. I think that the person that I marry will provide 80% of
either my happiness or headache. That’s why I have to be very selective about getting married.
Marriage and happiness can’t occupy the same space. Just kidding. I believe that they can co-
exist but they are rare examples and I personally have not witnessed very many examples. I
have seen many “happily single people”. I’m one.
Just because I date someone does not mean that I want to marry her. There are women
that I would love to date but would not think of marrying. I just can’t think of any right now. I
would not marry a woman without dating her first.
I read an article that said married people are healthier, happier, and live longer. I don’t
necessarily agree with that. I think it only applies if the couples are happily married.
The other study that I read was a compilation survey in Cosmopolitan Magazine. This
survey compiled the results of many different surveys. The results stated that married people
get less sex than single. When were single we try to get as much to get some to marry us. After
marriage there are too many roles and responsibilities, and not enough time. After children are
born, you can almost forget it. Is it worth it?
I have a few more comments on marriage that I want to share with you.
Appearance
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Comprehension
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman -- before
marriage and after marriage.
Definition of a Bachelor
A man who missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable or have his life made
miserable by a woman.
General Equations & Statistics
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Longevity
Married men live longer than single men but married men are a lot more willing to die.
Memory
Any married man should forget his mistakes as there's no use in two people remembering the
same thing.
Propensity to Change
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she
does.
How to stop people from bugging you about getting married:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and

cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals.
I think it’s a good thing as long as you are with the right person, at the right time, and
for the right reason. In these days and times it’s better to be married despite all of the
challenges that it comes with.
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Love, Lust and Marriage
LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.

LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making Love."

LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE - When you share everything you own.

LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.

LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?
LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.

LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.
LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.

LUST - When you couldn't care less
MARRIAGE - When your only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE - When your farewell is "I Love you, darling..."

LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.
LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.
LOVE - When nobody else matters.

LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.

LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.
LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things to your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.
Love: When you take a bubble bath together

Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath
Love: A romantic candle-light dinner for two

Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?"
Marriage: 4 Happy Meals . . . to go
Love: Giving your love some candy

Lust: Thinking you are the candy
Marriage: Scraping candy off the carpet
Love: A night out at the Symphony

Lust: A night out at the Holiday Inn
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice
Love: Aroma -- French perfume

Lust: Aroma -- Brut aftershave
Marriage: Aroma -- "The baby needs changing. . ."
Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold

Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm . . ."
Marriage: Your teenager just took your jacket
Love: Talking and cuddling

Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands . . .
Love: Long drives through the countryside

Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the backseat
Love: Sex every night

Lust: Sex 5 times a night
Marriage: Sex ???
Return to Contents
Recipe for Happiness
Ingredients
2 Heaping Cups of Patience

1 Heart of Love
2 Handfuls of Generosity
1 Handful of Understanding
A Dash of Laughter
A Generous Sprinkle of Kindness
Plenty of Faith
Instructions
1. Combine Patience, Love, and Generosity with Understanding

2. Add a dash of Laughter and sprinkle generously with Kindness.
3. Add plenty of Faith and mix well.
4. Spread over a period of a lifetime….
5. And serve everybody you meet.
Return to Contents
The Ice Cream Sexuality Aptitude Test
Find out what kind of lover you are with this quiz!
Women ask me all the time Yanz what can you tell about a Woman by the way she eats
ice cream? What is your scientific basis? First of all it depends on what you’re looking for. There
are many other methods that can be used to find out about a Woman and they are mentioned
below. I find that ice cream is the most accurate measure of a woman’s sexuality. There’s a lot
to be said about a woman who gives good cone. Look at Appendix L and take the Ice Cream
Sexual Aptitude for yourself. It does matter. Ice cream, it’s so real, it’s universal. Everyone
remembers Eddie Murphy and the ice cream man from Delirious. Why do you think he was
running behind the ice cream truck? Is he freaky? You know he’s freaky. He said so his self.
My favorite place for a first date is to the ice cream parlor especially if it’s hot. I know
right then and there if I should pursue it any further. It’s the best investment in time that I can
make because I find out everything I need to know right there. Is she lactose intolerant? Even if
she’s lactose intolerant she will still eat ice cream occasionally. They can’t help it. Does she
order the most expensive thing on the menu????? What does she talk about? It’s better than a
coffee shop or a lunch date. Why wouldn’t they show Aaliyah eating the ice cream in Romeo
must die? They wanted to keep her clean image. They showed her four times with that cone
and she did not take one bite or lick of the ice cream cone. What does that tell you? Why don’t
they have pretty women eating ice cream on ice cream commercials? Think about it. There’d
be all kinds of guys hanging around the ice cream trucks. When I go on tour I’m going to sell my
book from an ice cream truck. My sound track will be Ice Cream Castles by Morris day and the
Time.
What other methods can be used to tell a lot about a Woman? There are many methods
to use and they are specific to what you are looking for. Granted all of them are not listed her,
but the more methods that you chose will give you a better overall picture of the Woman.
You can tell by the way she talks. Is she ghetto, educated, slow, or quiet?
You can tell by the way she sounds on the phone. If she sounds sexy she’s fat.
If she’s a bitch, she’s fine
You can tell by the way she walks. Her strut. Does she glide or drag her ass?
Speed and rhythm. Does she moves with a purpose or walk like a zombie? Shoes. Are they
cheap and run over or well kept like she is? Does she have energy or is she lethargic?
You can tell by the way she dances. Is she classy? Is she fast, slow having rhythm or no
rhythm? Is she wild or sexually explicit?
You can tell by the way she eats food. Does she eat like a bird picking her food with her
hands or mouth? Does she like fast foods? She likes to satisfy her immediate urges. Is she a
bone collector? That’s self-explanatory. Is she sophisticated and high Maintenance?
You can tell by the way she dresses. Is she high maintenance, low maintenance or no
maintenance? Is she Target or Gucci?
You can tell by the way she drives. If she has Road rage, then she is usually full of drama. If
she drives like a turtle, then she’s a slow poke. If she drives like a rabbit, then watch out now.
This is by far not a conclusive list, but it serves as other indicators of how you can tell a lot
about a Woman.
The following is pretty neat, fun and very accurate and it only takes a few minutes to
complete. This test determines your sexuality based upon how you consume ice cream. Take
this test for yourself and then forward it to your friends, including the one who sent it or
anyone else that you want to let them know how freaky you are.
The Ice Cream Test only works for women, so men, don’t try this test on yourself unless
other men fugify your wang!
Sexuality influences who we are and how we feel about our lives. Many of our toughest
decisions in life will involve our sexuality. Sexuality influences the life of every human being.
Since sexuality affects our lives so greatly, it is very important to be able predict a person’s
sexuality. This involves how you relate to your partner sexually and how you feel about
sexuality in general.
There are many ways to tell about a woman’s sexuality. Her score on the Ice Cream
Aptitude Test simply measures where she is at the moment sexually. Our hope is that the Ice
Cream Aptitude Test helps you to understand where are now and where you might want it to
go in the future. There are many methods that can be used to tell things about a woman and
her sexuality. I swear by the Ice Cream Aptitude Test Method, it works best for me.
So, would you like to know more about your sexuality? Please take our quiz to find out.
This quiz is for educational and/or entertainment purposes only.
For a thorough medical evaluation, please consult your professional healthcare
or mental health provider.
The Ice Cream Sexuality Aptitude Test
Directions: Have pen or pencil and paper ready. Read each question carefully and give the
answer that best describes the way you think or feel most of the time. Don't peek at the other
questions. Read each question in its entirety and then answer the question with the first answer
that comes into your mind. Usually your first answer is the most accurate and true choice. When
answering each question, please don’t read anything into the question as that may alter your
results.
Please only answer each question one at a time. Do not read the entire test first. That
way you get the most accurate results of this test.
This test contains only 20 simple questions.
Ready? Begin...
1. Do you prefer a cup or a cone?
(a) Cup
(b) Cone
(c) Either
2. Do you prefer to eat your ice cream with a spoon or your tongue?
(a) Tongue
(b) Spoon
3. Do you like sundaes or banana splits?
(a) Sundaes
(b) Banana Splits
(c) Neither
(d) Both
4. Do you like shakes?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) Protein
5. Do you like popsicles?
(a) Yes
(b) No
6. Do you like nuts?
(a) Yes
(b) No
7. Do you like sprinkles?
(a) Yes
(b) No
8. Which of the following flavors do you like most?
(a) Vanilla
(b) Chocolate
(c) Strawberry
(d) All of the above
(e) None of the above
9. Do you like Italian Ice?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) Every now and then

10. What’s your favorite syrup?
(a) Hershey’s Chocolate
(b) Strawberry
(c) Pineapple
(d) None
11. Do you lick dripping ice cream of your hand or wipe it off?
(a) Lick
(b) Wipe
(c) All of the above
12. Does your cup runneth over?
(a) Never
(b) Sometimes
(c) Always
13. What do you use to get your ice cream out of the container?
(a) A spoon
(b) An ice cream scoop
(c) Your fingers
(d) A knife
14. Do you like hand packed?
(a) Yes
(b) No
(c) Sometimes
(d) Never
15. What’s your favorite brand of ice cream?
(a) Generic
(b) Store brand
(c) Eddy’s
(d) Ben and Jerry’s
(e) Natural Ice cream
(f) Upscale like Hagen daz
16. At what age did you buy your first ice cream cone?
(a) Under 10
(b) Under 15
(c ) Under 18
(d) 19 or older
17. Do you bite to the bottom off your cone and suck the ice cream out?
(a) Yes
(b) No
18. Do you like hard scoop or soft serve?
(a) Hard scoops
(b) Soft serve
19. Do you like flat bottom or pointed bottom cones?
(a) Flat Bottom cones
(b) Pointed bottom cones
20. How many scoops does it take to satisfy you?)
(a) One
(b) Two
(c) Three
(d) Four
(e) Never satisfied
Now let’s score the test!

Answer Interpretations
1. Do you prefer a cup or a cone?
A cone indicates a preference for the male and cup for a woman.
2. Do you prefer to eat your ice cream with a spoon or your tongue?
A cone indicates a preference for the male and cup for a woman.
3. Do you like sundaes or banana splits?
Either answers a, b, or d indicates an oral fixation. If you picked c you are indifferent to oral sex.
4. Do you like shakes?
This question reflects your openness and level of participation in oral sex.
(a) Indicates that you’re a sucker. B=loser, C=Freaky Deaky
5. Do you like Popsicles?
A sucker is born every minute and you’re one of them!
6. Do you like nuts?
Self-explanatory either you like nuts or you don’t.
7. Do you like sprinkles?
You have an anal fixation if you selected yes. You may also be a booty sniffer.
8. Which of the following flavors do you like most?
A= You prefer your own race, B=You prefer the opposite race, C=You prefer native Americans
(red skins), D=variety is the spice of life, E=Abstinent
9. Do you like Italian Ice?
This means that you like to go outside of the race.
10. What’s your favorite syrup?
Your gender preference. A= Men, B=Women, C=Anything goes, D=Abstaining
11. Do you lick dripping ice cream of your hand or wipe it off?
A=Nasty, B= Prissy, C=You have a wild side to you.
12. Does your cup runneth over?
A=Dry hump, B=You get bored C=Wet and wild
13. What do you use to get your ice cream out of the container?
A=Normal, B=Prepared, C= Ghetto, D= Dangerous
14. Do you like hand packed?
Do you engage in sexual self-stimulation?
15. What’s your favorite brand of ice cream?
A or B= Anything will do, C= Looking for something special, D=Like ménage trios, E=Natural
and musty, F=Highly selective, you want the best
16. At what age did you buy your first ice cream cone?
Indicates when you started having sex. A=You started sex too early, B=Early but normal,
C=Typical starting age, D=Late starter
17. Do you bite to the bottom off your cone and suck the ice cream out?
Indicates and tendencies towards S&M. You may also bite off more than you can chew.
18. Do you like hard scoop or soft serve?
A=rough and hard, B= Slow and enduring
19. Do you like flat bottom or pointed bottom cones?
A=You could care less about a Man’s butt, B=You like shapely round butts
20. How many scoops does it take to satisfy you?
(Indicates how orgasmic you are. A=Normal, B=warm, C=Hot, D=Nymphomaniac)
Calculate Your Points

1. (a) 3 (b) 4 (c) 5 11. (a) 4 (b) 3 (c) 5
2. (a) 5 (b) 3 12. (a) 3 (b) 5 (c) 4
3. (a) 3 (b) 5 (c) 2 (d) 4 13. (a) 4 (b) 5 (c) 3 (d) 2
4. (a) 5 (b) 2 (c) 5 14. (a) 5 (b) 3
5. (a) 5 (b) 3 15. (a) 1 (b) 1 (c) 2 (d) 3 (e) 5 (f) 4
6. (a) 5 (b) 0 16. (a) 3 (b) 5 (c) 4 (d) 2
7. (a) 3 (b) 5 17. (a) 5 (b) 2
8. (a) 3 (b) 5 (c) 2 (d) 4 (e) 1 18. (a) 2 (b) 5
9. (a) 3 (b) 5 19. (a) 2 (b) 5
10. (a) 5(b) 4 (c) 3 20. (a) 4 (b) 5 (c) 3 (d) 2
Now add up the total number of points.
Your Point Total is ______ points.
Ice Cream Sexuality Test Answer Key

25 Point or Less
Keep it to yourself
You are crap in bed! You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You can control your appetite
and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are not
particularly romantic, but you are interested in action.
Upside: You mean business. With you, what you see is what you get. You are passionate and
sexual as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go
around advertising these qualities.
Downside: You tend to be frugal in your spending and dating habits and equally cautious in
your sexual involvement. You are a sensual and patient lover.
25 to 49 Points
You Have Potentials
Sex is important; you can be a very demanding playmate. You are willing to experiment.
You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you
do not let on to this. You are very sensitive, private, and sexually passive; you like a partner who
takes the lead. You are a no-nonsense, action-oriented individual. You need someone who can
keep pace with you. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and
teased.
You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching,
feeling and exploring. You are open, stimulating, and romantic.
Upside: You may not be a super freak but you have the potential to be one.
Downside: You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You are
sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forget the whole
thing. You want to control your relationships, which don’t always work out too well.
50 to 74 Points
Now that’s what I’m talking about!
You are very sexual and sensual, needing someone to appreciate and almost worship
you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without sexual
activity. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without. You are highly sexual,
passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvement, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to
you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. You are stimulated by the eccentric and unusual, having a free
and open mind. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. You are born romantic.
Dramatic love scenes are your favorite fantasy pastime. You can be a very generous lover.
You have a great need to be loved, appreciated...Even worshipped. You enjoy luxury,
sensuality, and pleasures of the flesh. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of
sexual expression. You bore easily and thus require sexual adventure and change. You are more
sensual than sexual, but you are sometimes downright lustful.
You are an enthusiastic lover and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups.
You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation to turn you on and keep you
going.
Upside: You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It
is not easy for a partner to
keep up with you, sexually or otherwise.
Downside: You look for lovers who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an
amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your
desires satisfied.
75 to 100 points
Lickity Split, you have the Bombdiggity
You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual
experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. Nothing stops you; there are no holds
barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense.
You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one
relationship at a time with ease. You believe in total sexual freedom. You are willing to try
anything and everything. You are sensuous, sexual, and privately passionate. You are born
romantic. You can be a very generous lover.
You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. Sex is
serious business; thus you demand intensity and diversity, and are willing to try anything or
anyone.
Upside: You are relatively free of sexual hang-ups. You are willing to experiment and try new
ways of doing things. Your sex drive is strong and you desire instant gratification. You are willing
to put your partner's pleasures above your own.
Downside: Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check.
Created: April 26, 2001
Reviewed: December, 2001 by Timothy J. Yancy
Institute for the Sexually Gifted
(If you got the gift and you got to use it!)
Getting to Know You before We have Sex Application (Long Form)

(For Entertainment Purposes Only)
Purpose: To screen potential sexual partners.
Directions: Please read though the questions carefully before answering them. Answer all
questions honestly and to the best of your knowledge.
General Information Section
Last Name: ___________________ First Name _____________ Nick Name _______________
Gender Male __ Female __ Age: ____________ Height Feet ___ Inches___ Weight______ lbs.
Breast Cup Size ____ Waist ______ Hips ______
Endowment: Extra Small __ Small __ Medium __ Large __ Extra Large __ Enormous __
Phone: (____) ____________ e-Mail: ___________________________@ ________._____
Highest Educational Level: 8th Grade or Less __ High School or less___ High School Grad ___
Some College ___ College Degree __ Masters Degree ___ Post Grad ____ Professional __
Occupation: ____________________
Married ____ Single ___ Divorced ___ Separated ___Other____ In A Relationship_____
Sexual Orientation:
Straight ___ Gay ____ Lesbian ___ Bi- Sexual ____ Tri- Sexual (Try Anything) ___
Are you into Sadomasochism (BDSM)? No __ Ye s __ Which One? Sadism ___ Masochism ____
Place an “X” in the correct answer space and write in the answer if applicable.
If more than one answer applies, Check All that Apply
Have you been arrested or convicted of any sex crimes? No __ Yes ___ (If yes, stop here turn in
application)
Do you have any history of serious mental illness? (If yes stop here turn in application)
Did you ever have a sex change operation? No __ Yes __ (If yes stop here turn in application)
Have you ever been alien abducted and anally probed? No __ Yes __ (If yes stop here turn in
application)
Do you like having sex with minor kids? No ___ Yes __ (If yes stop here turn in application
Do you have any sexually transmitted diseases? Yes (If yes stop here, return appl.) ___ No ___
What age did you start having sex with someone other than yourself? ____
When was the last time you had sex? Today ___Yesterday ___ Last Week ___ Last Month ___
More than a month ago ___ More than a year ago ___
Do you use birth control? No __ Yes __ What Type ___________
Do you use condoms? Yes __ No __
Ever have any STD’s? No ___ Yes ____ Which Diseases? 1. ______________ 2. ____________
How many sexual partners have you had? 0 __ 1 __ 3 to5 ___ 6 to 10 ___ 10 to 15 ___ 15 to 20
___ 25 to 35 ___ 36 or more __ More than you can remember ____
Are you a premature ejaculator? Yes __ No __
Have you ever been stuck together? Yes ___ No ____
Do you sweat when having sex? Yes ___ No ___
What type of nipples do you have? Pointy ___ Short ___ Stubby ___ Inverted ___
What type of pubic hair do you have? Shaved ___ Bush ___ Weave ___ Mohawk ___________
Any Tattoos? Yes _____ Where ________ No _____ Want any? Yes __ No __
Any Piercings? Yes ___ No ___ Want any? Yes ____ Where ____________
Any Brandings? Yes ___ No ___ Want any? Yes ____ Where ____________
Do you like Giving Oral Sex? No __ Yes __ Receiving Oral Sex? Yes – No ___
Do you Swallow? Yes __ No __ Sometimes __Are you a spitter? Yes ___ No ___ Sometimes __
Do you do Anal? Yes __ No __ Special Occassions __
Do you spank or like to be spanked? Yes ___ No ___ OPM (Other People’s Monkey)__
Do you spank your monkey or choke your chicken? Yes __ No __
Do you like to shower before sex? Yes ___ No (It removes the flavors) ___
Do you like to be tied up? Blind folded? ____ Bitten? ____ Toys? ____
Do you like the lights on or off? On __ Off ___
Do you like clothes on ____ Partially on ____ Butt Naked ____
Do you like to involve food in your sessions? Yes ___ No ___
Do you have any sexual photos or video of yourself? No __ Yes __ Want to make some ___
Which do you prefer? One on one__ Doubles__ Triples __ More than 3 People __ Group___
While having sex, what do you do? Faint__ Cry__ Moan__ Wiggle__ Twist__ Jerk about__ Jerk
Off __ Pant__ Sweat___ Scream__ Squirt ___ Hum__ Whistle__ Just lie there__
How do you like your sexual action? Oral ___ Anal ___ Intercourse ___ Oral only ___
Intercourse Only ___ All of the Above ___ All the above minus Anal ___
When you are about to cum do you? : Kick and bite.__ Scratch and Scream.__ Kiss and Lick.__
Push back with increasing determination__ Fart __
When you are having sex do you? Scream.__ Moan __ .Fart __ Bite and scratch ___
How do you prefer your partner? Small.__ Medium.__ Large __ Skinny.__ Wet.__ Thick __ Tight
Long __ Stubby __ Pencil Dick ___
Availability, Frequency, Duration, and Tendencies Section
How often do you want to have sex ? Daily__ Weekly__ Monthly__ As much as possible__
How long can you last? 1min ___ 15min__ 30min__ 1hr__ all night___
Do you prefer Evenings _____ Mornings ____ Nooners (Lunch time) _____
When are you available? 8-12am__ 1-5pm__ 6-10 pm __ all night __ Midnight – 8 am __
Do you like to have sex: Outdoors _____ Indoors ____ In the Shower ___ In a Car _____
Do you talk during sex? Yes __ No __ Can’t talk because your mouth is full __ Can Talk
(Ventriloquist) ____
Do you like to talk dirty? Yes __ No__ Sometimes__ Always__
Skills and Talent Inventory Assessment Section
Do you like to role play? Yes __ No __
Do you like the movie “Deliverance”? Yes __ No ____
Can you squeal like a pig? Yes __ No __
What’s your favorite body parts in order? ( 1 being best 5 being last)
Butt __ breast ___ Chest ___ Mouth ___ Penis ___ Vagina ___ Ears ___ Eyes __
What’s your favorite hole? 1. _____________ 2. ____________ 3. ______________
Have you ever had sex with an animal live or otherwise? Yes __ No __
Do you like to kiss? Yes __ No ___ (If no stop here)
Are you tight or loose? Tight ___ Loose ___ Uptight ___ Other ___________
Did it ever go in the wrong hole? No ___ Yes ____ Explain __________________________
Any weird sexual fetishes? ATM ___ Fisting ___ Golden Showers ___ Brown Showers ___ Baby
Diapers __ Other 1_____________ Other 2 _________________ Other 3 _________________
Do you like inter-racial sex? No __ Yes ___ Preference 1 ___ ___ Preference 2 ____________
Do you like sex with clowns? No _____ Yes _____ Never tried but would like to ____
Do you like sex with midgets? No _____ Yes _____ Never tried but would like to ____
Do you like sex with amputees? No _____ Yes _____ Never tried but would like to ____
Do you like sex with handicapped? No _____ Yes _____ Never tried but would like to ____
Are you handicapped? No__ Yes __ Explain ________________________________________
Do you have big hands and feet? No __ Yes __ If yes explain __________________________
Can you hold a “Q-Tip” in your coochie __ booty __ None __
Do you like sexy lingerie? Yes ___ No ___
What is your preferred pace? Slow__ Fast__ Very fast__ Rigorous___ Rough __
Fantasy, Imagination, and Innovation Section
Instructions for this Section, Fill in the Blank.
List your Four Favorite Positions:
1. ________________________________________
2. ________________________________________
3.________________________________________
4._________________________________________
Any special talent or skills None __ Yes __ If so, list: ________________________________
What could you do for me that no one else could?: _______________________________
Most interesting place you've done it: _________________________________________
Where would you like to do it but have not? (Body) _______________________________
What place would you like to do it but have not? _________________________________
What would you do to me if we were stuck alone together in an elevator for an hour by
ourselves? ___________________________________________________________________
What tickles your fancy? ______________________________________________________
When you are having sex what do you enjoy the best? ________________________________
What’s your specialty? ______________________________________________________
What’s your fantasy? ________________________________________________________
Are you a big freak or nymphomaniac? No __ Yes __ Explain _________________________
Would you like to try more things with your partner? No __Yes __
Do you feel like trying right now? ______________________________________________
Anything else you want me to know? __________________________________________
Are you willing to sign a waiver that frees your partner (me) from all liabilities for any damages
or injuries including but not limited to death, birth, diseases as a result of our sexual liaisons?
Yes __ No__
Sign and Date Here Name _______________ Date ___________
“Excerpted from “The Ultimate American Relationship Survival Guide” by Captain Timm “Yanz”
Yancy. (Operation Get-It-All Veteran)
For more relationship advice, help, humor, ideas, jokes, opinions, quipets, stories, tips,
theories, secrets, and more visit me at:
Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Timothy J. Yancy
Relationship Goals and More
What does it take for us to make it and be drama free most of the time?
1. _____________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________________
4. _____________________________________________________________
5. _____________________________________________________________
What are you willing to give up for it?
1. _____________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________________
4. _____________________________________________________________
5. _____________________________________________________________
Down the Road
3 Months
_______________________________________________________________
6 Months
_______________________________________________________________
1 year
__________________________________________________________________
Communications Guidelines
1. Write down key points to discuss. Think before you talk about it.
2. Listen or talk only
3. Give a time limit
4. Facts are 1,2,3, …
5. Feelings
6. Don’t say anything out of spite. If it’s hurtful, keep it to your self.
7. _____________________________________________________________
8. _____________________________________________________________
9. _____________________________________________________________
10._____________________________________________________________
11._____________________________________________________________
Make a priority list of 2 to 3 things to accomplish during the time together
1. _____________________________________________________________
2. _____________________________________________________________
3. _____________________________________________________________
Communication Rules
1. If you bring up something, you start the conversation about it and don’t
wait for me to start it.
2. Don’t use absolutes like you always and you never.
3. One person talks and the other listens.
4. Don’t interrupt.
5. _____________________________________________________________
6. _____________________________________________________________
7. _____________________________________________________________
8. _____________________________________________________________
9. _____________________________________________________________
10._____________________________________________________________
11._____________________________________________________________
Phone Usage and Privacy
1. Don’t take any calls while we’re eating or making love

2. Set a side time to return calls
3. Use judgment on when to take calls. All calls don’t require immediate attention.
4. _____________________________________________________________
5. _____________________________________________________________
Main Concerns and Dislikes
Don’t have a lot, only two or three. Examples:
 I don’t like it when I say something or how to do something and you question it
especially when it’s something that I experienced. It’s like telling me I don’t know what
I’m talking about.
 I don’t like when you ask me something and I answer and you ask me am I sure. Yes, I’m
sure. I answered it did I? Yes, I’m sure. Do you want me to raise my hands if I’m sure?
 Do Not answer a question with a question.
Return to Contents
Questions for Discussion
1. What sticks most in your mind when you read this?
2. What is the one thing that strikes you most about this?
3. What do you think about this book?
4. What do you like and dislike?
5. Do you see yourself anywhere in this book?

6. Where?
7. Is it positive or negative?
8. Over all do you think this book is positive or negative?
9. Do you think that most Men think like that?
10. How does reading this book make you feel?
11. What would you like to read more about in the future?
12. Are there anything’s that you disagree with?
13. Why?
14. Is this book fact, fiction or feelings?
Interview with Yanz
1. Are these your thoughts or the thoughts of Men?
These thoughts are in no means representative of Men as a whole. These thoughts are
entirely the thoughts of one Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. This is what makes me tick. I can also say
that what I think, 100% of all Men agree with some if not most of my thoughts.
2. Why did you write this book?
This manuscript is both for my self-therapy to get a better understanding on how I think and
also what I believe in and live for. Additionally, it is so others can understand why I act the way I
do, and possibly get some enjoyment from its reading. Really I’d like to thank Dawn Williams
who I started dating just a month after a four-year relationship. I did not really have time to
finish grieving over the last relationship. Things were going too fast for me. I felt uncomfortable
with the way and speed the relationship was going. We had different needs and I ultimately
could not give her what she wanted nor was I willing to. I decided to write what I wanted in a
relationship and it just sort of evolved from there. I just started to write down whatever came
into my mind. I had 4 pages in about an hour.
Then it hit me. I had a calling to write this. It was like divine intervention. Despite whatever
trials and tribulations I was going through I had to get it done. There was no stopping me. It’s
like Moses and the ten Commandants. I had to let my people go. Then I just keep writing over
the next three months. I wrote down every thought, idea, concept, and experience that came
to mind. I thought about things that I shared in friends, family, guy talk, and with female
friends. This started out as a written understanding as to how I felt about dating but then I
decided to expand it to how I feel about relationships in general but only from my point of
view, but also with a little help from my friends and family. May their God bless them. I found
myself repeatedly coming up with some of the same thoughts, so I knew I was consistent. The
next thing I knew I had over two hundred and ten pages. Granted I concentrated on this for
many months.
3. Are you a player or consider yourself to be one?
No I’m not a player or an expert on Women. Sometimes Women don’t understand me.
It’s sort of like I’m a riddle or a puzzle. Unfortunately, I don’t understand Women as well as I’d
like to but I’m working on it. I do believe I have some insights into their motivations, wants,
and desires. It’s not easy. Why can’t we just all get along? This writing started out as the result
of another relationship that I was in that was not going in the right direction. Relationships
need to be thought out and planned otherwise they are like a ship without a course,
destination unknown and disaster a probability.
4. Where did you come up with this philosophy?
Don’t take this personal. These are my thoughts from my system of values and beliefs only. I
shaped my philosophy from friends and family, both good and bad experiences. I also added
some hope for the future. That’s the most important thing even if you are in a relationship. Are
you happy with it? If so how can you make it better and what can you/I do to ensure its
continuity and longevity?
People say that I have a lot of time on my hands and that I think too deeply and too
much. I look at it as a blessing not a curse. I have the opportunity to look deep within myself to
find answers to questions that pertain to me. If I don’t, then who will? I needed to find the
answers. We all need to take time to soul search and become better people.
This is not an egotistical, selfish, rhetorical piece of trash. The purpose of this written
document is to help me understand how I feel, what I want, and to help keep me focused to
prevent any future problems or misunderstandings that may result from not being clear in my
intentions or directions in life. It may also give others insight into relationships between Men
and Women. It is also warnings and things to look for in others or us in our relationships.
5. Are you a misogynist?
Why would anyone think that? By all means no I’m not. I give away a portion of my
proceeds to Battered Woman and Drug treatment Programs. I just want to share my
blessings. I love women more than almost anything else. Look at the whole picture not just
parts. If all I talked about were getting some, I’d be criticized for that. I think that this book
is a great resource for women because it reveals the thoughts, ideas, fantasy, opinions,
needs, emotions, and wants that Men have and desire. Often these attributes aren’t
communicated both ways for various reasons. In a very frank and outright way I make these
experiences and opinions know. I share them with my Women.
Let’s face it, I had some bad experiences, but I had more than my share of good
experiences. I’m not bitter but just cautious. I have lots of good things to say it just depends
on how you look at it. These thoughts are not to be taken personal especially unless you
have been in a relationship with me or if you might be considering it.
6. What do you want your readers to get from your books?
I want them to get them same things I got, blessings. Personally I have a goal of touching every
African-Americans life and helping make our relations better. My writings aren’t just for us,
anybody could benefit from sharing this information.
7. What are your goals for publishing?
My goals are very lofty as you can see by works in progress. I intend to be a major player in the
relationships publishing game. I want to help others get their word out. Currently there are only
a handful of Men out there writing books. There are less than ten. So by getting out into
circulation and the mainstream, I’ll accomplish my first goal of being in the Top 10 Men I’d like
to assist 100 authors get published. It’s an open field. Also I’d like to get on the New York Times
Top Ten List as well as Emerge Magazine and Ebony and Essence by 2011.
8. Where would you like to see yourself in the next ten years?
I want to be considered as one of the great thinkers of the millennium. I may be out there and
controversial but so were Booker T. Washington, and W.E.B. Dubois.
9. What do you like most about writing?
Writing helps to preserve information that is deemed to be important. If you have

something to say put it in writing, then you can be quoted for what you say and not
misquoted. If you believe in it and don’t want to be misquoted, write it. If it’s relevant now,
it’s relevant in the future as was as it was in the past. People need to access to the written
word. It preserves legacy and that’s what I want to leave why I die. A legacy and that my live
was not in vain and that I made a difference in the life of people.
10. You share a lot of thoughts here. Is there anything else that you want to share with
your readers?
Some of the ideas and concepts are to be thought provoking and stimulating others are for
sheer entertainment. I consider myself to be mainstream but a little bit out there. That’s what I
want to share with my readers. I hope you get that out of me. This is me! This is Timm Yancy.
I’m no different than the other Men out there. I’m just most of them rolled into one!
If what you are looking for is not here, then it’s probably coming, just ask me, and pray for
me. I can be E-Mailed at tyebooks@gmail.com with any comments, concerns, or criticisms.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
First I want to thank God for having me write this as a way to deal with my issues. Next,
to my parents for giving me something to think about as standards for my relationships.
To Edie R. Tillis, my best friend, number 1 fan, supporter, therapist, lover, sparring
partner, psychologist, etc. thanks for everything and I do mean everything. You have been there
for me for the past, the present and hopefully the future. You helped me to grow as a person in
many ways including spiritually. I can’t help to emphasize that without you I would have been
lost and a statistic and I credit you with saving my life.
To my boys and true Ladies Men: Calvin McQueen, Alvin Hollis (R.I.P.), Calvin Swindell,
Vernon Chubb, William Brock, James Johnson, Fred Brown, Lavell Johnson, Ray Martinez, Frank
Sanchez, Frank Davis, Donald Petross, Bruce Oliver, Anthony Hardy, Dennis Irwin, Jack
Cheatham, Steve Woods and Amon Nickerson. To my brothers Desmon, Damon, Jason, Kevin
and Christian. To my good friend and business partner, Bill Brock. Uncle Bill and Johnell.
I want to acknowledge Herbert J. Strather of Detroit (The Black Donald Trump) for taking
me under his wing as a young man and showing me the ropes and explaining some things in life
to me. He was the one responsible for teaching me about the Greater Fool Theory. At the time I
sort of understood what he was talking about but never really got the full impact until later in
life. Later is also when I learned about personal responsibility and the Law of Cause and Effect.
Learning these things earlier in life may possibly have saved me some problems and
discomforts and maybe not but now I have gained experience that I want to pass on and the
best way is for me to put it in writing. I hope you enjoy and benefit from my writings.
I believe that by writing this book that I have started the healing process that is
necessary to have more positive relationships with Women.
Women by the Numbers 501 – The Definitive Collection
Here is my Table of Contents for the book to be released in 2011.
I’m looking for comments and photographs. I can’t pay you but you will have an
opportunity to be in a publication and who knows what opportunities that may
lead to.
Send me an e-mail at TYeBooks@gmail.com for more details.
Yanz
The Definitive Women

“100 Favorite Types of Women that Men Love to L-O-V-E!”
Type Description Advantage Photo
1. Accountants
2. Aerobic Instructors
3. Athletes
4. Aunts
5. B.A.P.S
6. Baby Sitters
7. Ballers
8. Beauty Queens
9. Business Owners
10. Business women
11. Career Women
12. Cashiers
13. Celebrities
14. Cheerleaders
15. Childless
16. Chiropractors
17. Chocolate Pears
18. Church Girls
19. Classmates
20. Clerks
21. Cool
22. Cops
23. Cousins
24. Cow girls
25. Co-Workers
26. Cute
27. Daddy’s Girls
28. Dancers
29. Suckers There’s one born

every minute and I
want to meet her!
30. Doctors
31. Everyday Garden Roses, Dasies, Lillies,

Variety Cherries
32. Exotic Dancers
33. Fine
34. Fitness Instructors
35. Fitness Instructors
36. Flight Attendants
37. Free and Single
38. Free Spirited
39. Gamblers/ Risk Take a chance

Takers
40. Girl Friends
41. Givers/ Generous
42. Grand Mothers
43. Hair Dressers
44. Hoes One man’s ho is The difference between a hoe

another man’s and a vitamin and hoe and a
woman bitch
45. Home Owners
46. Hookers
47. Hour Glass
48. Hustlers
49. Independent
50. Independently
wealthy
51. Jazzy
52. Lawyers
53. Masseuse
54. Midgets My 1st cars, you can Put them on your feet and walk
easily hide them. around. Try that with a fat chick
Sometimes you want
to cut down
55. Mistresses
56. Mistresses With breastesis
57. Mommas
58. Mothers
59. No Limit Women
60. Nurses
61. Party Girls
62. Porn Stars
63. Princesses
64. Protectors
65. Psychics They know when

you’re coming
66. Quiet Women
67. Receptionists Meet and great
especially my meat
68. Red Bones
69. Round the way girls
70. Runner Ups The Next Best thing
71. Sales Women
72. Sassy
73. Sex Buddies
74. Sexy
75. Sisters
76. Sisters in Law
77. Six Digit Women
78. Skaters
79. Sleeping Beauties Their sleep by 9:00

p.m.
80. Snappers
81. Soul Mates
82. Special friends
83. Spinners
84. Spys
85. Sterile
86. Suga Mommas
87. Super Models
88. Surrogate mothers
89. Sweet
90. Sylvias Not Esters
91. Teachers
92. Thick and Thin Not at the same time Before and After
93. Tonyas
94. Track Stars/ Catch a girl kiss a girl

Runners
95. Vets
96. Video Hoes
97. Widows The younger and

richer the better
98. Winners Especially lottery,

law suits, divorce
settlements,
inheritance, etc.
99. Wives
100. Young, And ready for some

Dumb and full of
fun
Contact Information
E-Mail: TYeBooks@gmail.com (Timm Yancy eBooks)
www.MySpace.com/TimmYancy
eBooks Available on www.Scribd.com Search for Timm Yancy

The Ultimate American Relationship Survival Guide

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Copyright 2009-2010 Timothy J. “Yanz” Yancy. All Rights Reserved.

Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or exhibition of this copyrighted material is strictly prohibited.

Please feel free to contact me my contact information for any, comments,

This manuscript has

It has been Yanzitized

Yanz – Watch out there now!

Home of the $5.00 eBook!

(Surcharge may apply.)

Available Soon in eBook!

“Women by the Numbers”

“50 Different Types of Women

Timothy “Yanz” Yancy, H.B.O.

(Head Brother of Operations)

Exclusive Internet Only Special

What the Critics are saying...

“A highly conceptual, thought provoking, hard-hitting look at African-American male and

"This is like a Man’s version of waiting to exhale." M. A. Chicago, Illinois.

“Yanz is so money!”. NYC Players Club, NYC, N,Y.

“Conventional wisdom and unconventional thought” J. P. Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Disclaimer: No celebrity endorsements intended or implied.

1. B.A.P.S (Black American Princesses)

3. B.A.P. (Black American Princess)

30. My Babies Momma

A.K.A. Stuck Up B*tch, Siddity

Advantages: Well kept, and well maintained

A.K.A. Coyote Ugly

Begging Ass Women

A.K.A. Begging Ass Women

Advantages: Her phone is cut off so she can’t call a brother.

Disadvantage: Doesn’t have any money and won’t get any.

Broke Ass Women

(Also see Begging Ass Women, Tight Asses Women)

A.K.A. Cheap Ass Women

A.K.A. Out of Control Women

problem, never her. Nothing’s ever right.

Disadvantages: It’s not worth the hassle.

A.K.A. Mad Jealous Women

“I could have been Michael Jordan’s wife if I wanted too.”

The “I Hadda” Women

“I hadda a Benz. I hadda a condo and I hadda a job!”

Disadvantages: She’s broke as Hell!!!

Sex According to Pastor Khathide 82

Remember: Forewarned is Forearmed!

That I LOVE YOU WOMAN, AND I APOLOGIZE.

A Credo for My Relationship with Others

By Dr. Thomas Gordan

To Someone Special in My Life

Did I Ever Tell You,

Did I Ever Tell You

Did I Ever Tell You

For the Time You Spend Sending Things

Did I Ever Tell You

Just How Much I Love You

I’m special. In all the world there’s nobody like me.

Nobody can be found who has my handwriting.

Throughout all of eternity no one will ever look,

And in all rarity there is great value.

That one is me.

What I Have Learned

~Contributed by Design Goddess (DG) of the Circle of Hope

Greater Fool Theory

Yancy’s Principle of Uncertainty

Secret Sex Formula

Smart man + smart woman = romance