Be Impeccable With Your Word
This means avoiding gossip, lies, empty
promises and other ways we cause problems
with our words. Say only what you mean,
and realize that you can cause damage if
you're not careful with what you say.
This is a great recommendation. Many
people don't realize the power of their words
and see the harm that can be caused with
speaking carelessly, thoughtlessly or
aggressively. Most of us are aware that
screaming at someone may be upsetting to
them, but subtle little digs at them, or gossip
behind their backs, can hurt others more
than we realize, and in hurting them, we hurt
ourselves. This is an important, but difficult
one to follow entirely. It's a great goal to
aspire to, though, and a good direction to
work toward.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
This 'agreement' deals with understanding
how other people's behaviors are a reflection
of them only. When someone gives us
feedback about us, it's important to
remember that no opinions are truly
objective; we all have our biases, 'filters'
through which we view the world, and the
like. Because of this, we shouldn't take
anyone else's view of us or our actions as
entirely accurate; when someone says
something about us (or anything else),
they're really saying something about
themselves and how they view the world.
This is good advice for making us feel better,
but take it with a grain of salt. While everyone
has their biases and there is no such thing as true
objectivity, by never taking anything personally,
people can really limit their ability to see their
own negative patterns and biased thinking, and
work on developing more healthy patterns and
clear-sighted thinking. As M. Scott Peck says in
The Road Less Traveled, "the problem of
distinguishing what we are and what we are
not responsible for in this life is one of the
greatest problems of human existence."
Don’t give up on the work of distinguishing
responsibility, or you end up creating more
stress in the long run.
Don’t Make Assumptions
Much stress is created when people assume
they know what other people are thinking
without checking with them. Understanding
that other people might have different
motivations for their actions, even
drastically varying world views, and
remembering to really try to understand
others and discuss these motivations before
jumping to conclusions about their behavior,
can go a long way toward preventing
interpersonal conflict.
However, taking this advice to an extreme may
cause people to ignore their intuition about
people, or common sense about someone's
behavior that's damaging. It can also open
people up to manipulation if they train
themselves to believe someone's explanation of
negative behavior rather than judging the
behavior on its own. (For example, not
'assuming' they're being cheated on if their
spouse is exhibiting erratic behavior and the
classic signs of infidelity, but vehemently denies
wrongdoing.) This one is a good suggestion, but
should be tempered by inner wisdom and
common sense.
Always Do Your Best
By this, Ruiz means to do the best you can
at any given moment, and you'll have no
regrets. Some days, your best isn't as good
as other days, and that's okay. As long as
you put an honest effort into life, you will
have nothing to be ashamed of, and will not
'beat yourself up' over a less-than-stellar
performance in retrospect.
I think this is good advice for anyone, and see no
down-side to it. This behavior can help people
achieve more progress toward their goals, and
prevent unnecessary feelings of regret.
While sometimes the 'agreements' are
oversimplified, in my opinion, this is still a great
little book with some heavy ideas. If followed
generally (and not fanatically), these suggestions
can help you reduce a great amount of stress by
helping people avoid thought and behavior
patterns that create frustration, blame, hurt
feelings and other negative emotions.