Older Women/Younger Men

What do Demi Moore, Madonna and Paula Abdul have in common (besides
being beautiful, rich and famous)? They are all older women married
to/dating younger men.

A 2003 study by AARP revealed that 34 percent of all women over 40 in the
survey were dating younger men, and 35 percent preferred it to dating older
men. Another recent study found that in recent years, 25 percent of brides
have been younger than their grooms. Finally, in a recent survey by
Cosmopolitan, 29.3 percent of men said they would date an older woman.

In their book, “Older Women, Younger Men” authors Felicia Brings and Susan
Winter write, “Older women/younger men relationships are far more
prevalent and far more successful than society at large would have us
believe. The theme that the social order reinforces often is the message that
these relationships are a bad thing-and even under the best of
circumstances-are only a temporary thing. Popular movies…suggest…in
those rare cases in which a woman is older than the man, such couplings end
badly, sadly or tragically. The truth is, we’ve been sold a bill of goods…Our
research…confirms that older women/younger men relationships are an
increasingly viable (dare we say common) phenomenon”.

Why is this trend gaining popularity? I believe there are two main reasons.
The first is that 30 years ago, there weren’t as many single women over 30.
Most people married in their 20s and stayed married, no matter what. As
divorce became more socially acceptable, women in the 30s (referred to as
“pumas”) and 40s (referred to as “cougars”) began to enter the dating scene.
However, they often found that men their age preferred younger women.
Their choices were usually relegated to men 15-20 years their senior. Many
of these women however, were young at heart, vibrant and attractive and
didn’t want to be with someone that much older.

The second reason is finances. Just as financially independent men often

prefer younger women, financially independent women often prefer younger
men. Now that women are no longer bound by finances and social norms and
mores are loosening up, they are finally able to make more honest choices
when it comes to a partner.

What about younger men? Why would they be interested in an older woman?
The reasons cited are because of the confidence an older woman exudes.
She knows who she is and is comfortable with herself. She’s honest and
direct. An older woman knows what she wants and doesn’t want. She
doesn’t play games and is more in control of her emotions, which translates
into less drama. An older woman is generally a better lover and more in
touch with her femininity and sensuality.
What about older women? What do they get by being with a younger man?
How about a toned, muscular body, little to no baggage (depending on the
age, no baby mama drama or nasty ex’s), vitality, energy, enthusiasm,
appreciation, stamina and someone that is always “ready to go”. A younger
man is not threatened by their accomplishments – he admires and
encourages them.

What do older men think about these relationships? Although I don’t believe
it’s any of their business, everyone is of course entitled to their opinion and
most of the time, it’s not positive. The old double standard still exists. Older
men that date younger women are admired and thought of as studs. Older
women that date younger men are often scorned and thought of as foolish.
In her book, “Cougar”, author Valerie Gibson says: For years, they (older
men) have been secure in the knowledge that they are the ones that choose
and discard partners at will, especially as these partners age. Now, cougars
are treading on their territory, making them feel threatened and insecure.

What do younger women think about these relationships? Those feeling

threatened by the rapidly changing dating landscape should keep in mind
that older women are blazing a trail for them. If they should find themselves
single or divorced when they are older, they will have a wider variety of men
to choose from.

Tribal thinking is strong but I believe it will eventually catch up with the
current reality. In 15-20 years, these types of relationships will no longer be
such a big deal. Welcome to the “Cougar Revolution”.