Conundrumries - Harry J. Chong - 1 of 11In a mysterious field a ragtag team of raggedy Canadian children were knocking about, playing arousing game of field hockey. There were a total of three: Billy, Mike, and Steve. Billy was themuscle. Mike was the brains. And Steve was the foreigner that came from a milquetoast civiliangovernment—also known as the USA.Steve was goalie in the simulated net, which was demarcated by a rock and a hard place.Billy ran alongside Mike for the puck and body-checked him hard into the grass. Unfortunately,the grass was covering a steep incline, and Mike went rolling down a hill filled with naturaldebris (leaves, twigs, stones, etc) and trunk stories from distraught aspiring writers.“Mike, you okay!” said Billy from atop. There was no response. “Oh, I should’ve made thata question with a question mark… Mike, you okay?!”“I’m badly hurt,” said Mike with a groan. “My feelings are in critical condition. How couldyou be so mean?”“It was an accident.”“That’s what you say for everything. Remember that Advanced Dungeons & Dragons gamewe played where you ‘accidentally’ tipped over the board because you were losing? Huh?”“But it was an accident!”“You were an accident!”“Whatever, we’re coming down to get you.”So, Billy and Steve slowly went down the hill. There they met with Mike, who was now onhis feet. He was completely fine. There wasn’t even a scratch or bruise on his body.“Jesus H. Christ,” said Steve. “I thought you died.”“Me, die?” said Mike. “I’m one of the main characters…in this group.”“Well, that is that,” said Billy. “You wanna finish our game? I believe it was one-zero.”
Conundrumries - Harry J. Chong - 2 of 11“Nah,” said Mike, “we already played for like five hours.”“Okay, what do we do now?” said Steve.“Oooh,” said Billy, “I’ve always wanted to hunt for treasure.”“Treasure hunt here?” said Mike. “What could we possibly find?”“I dunno,” said Billy. “A body? An alien craft? Excalibur? An issue of Scientific Americanfrom three months ago.”“That would be useful,” said Steve. “We could use it for our science project.”“Alright, whatever,” said Mike. “Let’s go ‘treasure hunting.’ Got nothing better to do.”So, the trio left the foot of the hill, and went ahead for adventure. After slogging pastnumerous bushes and trees, they came to a fork. They picked up the fork then carried on. Butafter some minutes later they had to stop from wariness. All were fat and generally out of shape,despite their love of sports.“Hoo,” said Steve after wiping his brow. “Treasure hunting’s hard.”“There must be an easier way to become rich,” said Mike.“We should just become bankers,” said Billy.“What about if we invent something?” said Steve. “Oh, you know what’s a big problemthese days? Transportation. What if we could travel instantaneously, like, at a speed faster thanlight?”“What? That’s impossible,” said Mike.“You’re just a cynic,” said Steve.“I’m not a cynic,” said Mike. “And you’re an idiot.”“What’s that?” said Steve. “Why them is fightin’ words! Let’s throw down, you Canuck!”
Conundrumries - Harry J. Chong - 3 of 11“Come on,” said Mike. “You know you’re gonna get your ass kicked. You couldn’t fight anunfair cell-phone bill.”Then Steve lunged at Mike and the two started wrestling like lusty pirates. Billy tried to break them up to no avail.Mike pushed off Steve, and picked up a branch on the ground to defend himself. He thrust itin the same manner one would thrust a talking sword. Steve would’ve done the same too butcould not find a branch that was not affixed to a tree.So, Steve took whatever he could find. He picked up a genie lamp from the ground and heldit aloft. “Don’t make me use this,” he said. “I’ll smash thine skull in!”“Thou would never dare!” said Mike.“Wait a minute,” said Billy. “Steve, what’re you holding?”Steve looked in his hand, at the genie lamp. “Ah, treasure!” he exclaimed.The boys, overcome by curiosity, stopped their bickering and gathered around. Steve letMike examine the lamp, since he was considered the smartest.Billy stared. “What is it?” he said. “It looks like some sort of Judeo-Christian artifact. Theyused lamps back then, right?”“Okay,” said Mike, “you’re right about that. It is a lamp. An oil lamp. But I don’t know if it’s a Judeo-Christian artifact. Speaking of Judaism and Christianity, do you know what would befunny? If communion wine literally turned into Christ’s blood and it was HIV positive. Howhilarious would that be? Take that, you smug Christians!”“About the lamp,” said Billy.“Yes,” said Steve.
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Conundrumries
A silly story about three kids who find a genie's lamp.
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