Conflict

Management
 Objectives of the Module
 Understanding the nature of conflict.
 The impact of conflict upon our relationships.
 Ways we might respond to it.
 Develop skills to effectively deal with conflicts.
 Module Structure

 Session one - 1hr

 Illustrations & examples from participants
experiences of conflict situations they have
encountered – 10 Minutes.
 Interactive lecture – 40 Minutes.
 Discussion about how to deal with conflict from
the participants – 10 Minutes.
 End session by asking students to summarize
learning's.
 Module Structure
 Session Two - 1hr
 Use illustrations from the group to categorize conflicts – 10
Minutes.
 Administer the conflict handling styles questionnaire and
interpret – 35 Minutes.
 Outcomes of conflict – 5 Minutes.
 Close the session by asking the participants what was learnt
and how they will apply – 10 Minutes.
Examples & Illustrations of
Conflict
 Conflict
“a process that begins when one  Encompasses a wide range
party perceives that another party of conflicts that people
has negatively affected, or is aboutexperience in organizations
to negatively affect, something that
• Incompatibility of goals
the first party cares about.”
 a conflict exists whenever
• Differences over
incompatible activities occur … one interpretations of facts
party is interfering, disrupting, • Disagreements based on
obstructing, or in some other way behavioral expectations
making another party’s actions less
effective. (Deutsch, 1973).
 Interpretations and Approaches
 Conflict is…  The belief that all conflict
is harmful and must be
perceived differently avoided. It causes poor
by different people communication, Lack of
often perceived as bad openness & Failure to
respond to employee needs
“eliminate conflict in
the workplace”
“eliminate conflict
from your daily life”
 Interpretations and Approaches (cont.)
 The belief that conflict is a
natural and inevitable
outcome in any group.
 The belief that conflict is not
only a positive force in a
group but that it is absolutely
necessary for a group to
perform effectively.
 Levels of Conflict

 Intrapersonal (within an individual)

 Interpersonal (between individuals)
 Intra-group (within a group)
 Inter-group (between groups)
 Sources of Conflict
 Most conflicts arise out of feelings of intense
personal frustration and a belief that things are
happening which are simply unfair.
 Several things often combine to create contention:
 Our natural need to want to explain our side
first.
 Our ineffectiveness as listeners.
 Our fear.
 Our assumption that one of us has to
lose if the other is going to win.
 How to manage conflicts in personal life?
 For many of us, conflict is something that we dislike and try to
avoid. Our parents might have told us, "If you can't say
something nice, don't say anything at all.“ We may have
interpreted this to mean that we ought to say nothing when
we're upset, frustrated, or not in agreement with someone else.
 In meaningful relationships, conflict is inevitable, so we have a
reason to learn to manage it better.
 How can we talk and listen with others so that we meet our
needs, realize our goals, and promote goodwill between
parties?
 Because we may have been trained to see conflict as a bad
thing, it may be particularly difficult to accept the idea of
managing it rather than avoiding it.
 A dilemma exists when we've a need to avoid conflict and a
need to realize our goals.
 Managing interpersonal conflicts

 Conflicts with intimate others can be particularly

challenging.
 When we know one another well we’re able to push
each other's buttons easily.
 Because we spend more time together and have
higher expectations of one another than we do
acquaintances and strangers, we tend to be
disappointed and to share that with family members
and close friends.
 Conflict-Provoking Behaviours
 Person-centered comments and
criticism
 Past-centered comments
 Blaming comments
 Unsolicited advice/commands
 Lengthy attempts at persuasion
 Defensiveness-causing questions
 Extended attempts to win
 Mistrust statements
 Overstatements and over-
generalizations
 Infallibility comments (and
qualification comments)
 Histrionic behaviour (over-
dramatization)
 Use of hot phrases and
words
 Words or phrases that
suggest disinterest
 Phrases that blame or
suggest ignorance
 Phrases that have a
threatening undertone
 Phrases that challenge or
dare
 Use of code words
 Managing emotions in a conflict
 Avoid the following behaviours
 Act defensive
 Defend yourself at this point. It will
inflame them further.
 Rise to the bait, and retaliate
 Justify
 Use inflaming language
 Indulge them
 Deny that there is a problem
 Ignore or deny their feelings
 Interpersonal conflict in relationships
 Sibling rivalry
 Managing conflicts in marriage
 Relational aggression
 Talking to Others
 Waning friendships - There are "friends of the road" and
"friends of the heart."
 Friends of the road are those we enjoy while they are near
and we are sharing activities or interests. This friendship is
likely to wane.
 Friends of the heart are those with whom we invest a great
deal of time and energy. We disclose and build trust. We
make time for these relationships and celebrate the
friendship with tokens of affection.
 Interpersonal conflict in relationships. (cont.)
 Civility & Road rage - is a grave concern for many of us
who are active members in our communities. Seventy-
nine percent believe that lack of respect and courtesy in
society is a serious problem.
 Netiquette is the term that describes civil uses of the
Internet and communication on the World Wide Web.
 How well do you work with others? The ways of
managing problems, limited resources, or problematic
clients and colleagues can be achieved when we learn to
mediate, negotiate, and seek agreement.
 "Eighty percent of the people who fail at work do so for
one reason: they do not relate well to other people."
 Difficult people

 Some of the most difficult people with whom we engage are

either very different from us in communication style,
temperament, and work ethic, or
 Very much like us in communication style, temperament, and
work ethic!
 Well, how is it that the very thing that attracts us to others can
be the same thing that frustrates us most?
 Conflict is stressful.
 How you manage the stress that is inherent in conflict is the
trick.
 You may use stress to your advantage or it may become
detrimental to you.
 Proven ways to manage stress well
 Meditation - Scan your body and breathe deeply
 Massage - Use touch therapy to soothe your psyche
 Exercise - Increase endorphins, release tension, and
improve oxygen movement
 Talking and Listening to Others - Putting things into
perspective and learning about others' perspective helps
many to clarify and to consider options and alternatives
 Emotional Intelligence
 Explore ways to recognize and to respond to emotions in
conflicts.
 Recognizing your feelings and those of others allows us
to manage our emotions and our reactions to these more
effectively.
 For many, conflict triggers strong responses of
discomfort. These emotions may be viewed as eustress
(good stress) or distress (discomfort).
 Learning to recognize and to accept your emotions is the
first step towards managing them.
 Learning to recognize and to empathize with others'
emotions allows us to respond with greater sensitively
and appropriateness.
 Types of Conflict

Pseudo Conflict refers to those misunderstandings in which

we perceive that there is a conflict when there is none.
Ego Conflict occurs when we are emotionally involved in a
decision. We believe that if others disagree with us, they are
rejecting us. Thus, we become stubborn, willful, and proud.
Simple Conflict is a difference of opinion that both parties
recognize, acknowledge and accept. The conflict may be over
how to share limited resources, whom to support in an
election, or where to dine.
Best case scenario: Keep the conflict simple!
 Types of Conflict (cont.)

 Task Conflict - Conflicts over

content and goals of the work.
 Relationship Conflict -
Conflict based on interpersonal
relationships.
 Process Conflict - Conflict
over how work gets done.
 Styles of conflict

There are many ways to respond to conflict

situations.
Some styles require great courage while other styles
require great consideration for the other party.
Some styles are cooperative, others competitive, and
still others are quite passive.
 Five options you might consider
Withdraw: No Way: Avoid the conflict by pretending
that it doesn't exist, minimize the differences between
you, or refrain from engaging in what seems to be an
inevitable argument. Examples of withdrawing include
stonewalling, pretending that there is nothing wrong, and
shutting down. Withdrawing requires no courage and no
consideration for your partner.
Give In: Your Way: Accommodate your partner by
accepting her/his point of view or suggestion. Make peace
to get past this sticking point. Allow the other to have
his/her way. Be gracious and roll with the punches.
Giving in requires high cooperation and low courage.
Over time, it's likely that the accommodator becomes
resentful of the other party.
Five options you might consider. (cont.)
Stand Your Ground: My Way: Compete with the other
party and ensure that you win the argument. Argue your point
and do not concede any points. Fight to the finish if you must.
Competitive approaches to conflict yield quick short term
gains but the long term effects are great. Standing your ground
requires courage but little consideration. You may win the
battle, but you're likely to lose the relationship.
Compromise: Half Way: Find a middle ground in which you
both give up some ground to allow both parties to be partially
satisfied. Negotiate and give in on small points in other to win
the bigger battle. Looking for a common ground requires both
courage and consideration. This seems good unless
compromisers use guile and passive aggressive tactics to out-
fox the other party.
Five options you might consider. (cont.)
Collaborate: Our Way: Talk and listen to the other party.
Discuss and clarify your goals and areas of agreement. Ensure
that other parties understand and acknowledge each other's
positions. Consider ways to resolve the problem without any
concessions. Think "outside the box." Collaboration requires
great courage as well as much consideration. Collaborators are
generally interpersonally intelligent and are well respected
and admired.
Way to resolve conflicts rather than simply manage them..
Warning: This takes extra effort!
Collaboration is the most satisfying and the most difficult
option for managing conflict. Unlike other responses to
conflict, collaboration involves seeking a mutually agreeable
solution or remedy to a problem.
 Collaboration

Collaboration isn't a matter of simply managing a

problem; it requires resolving it so that both parties
are satisfied.
The result of collaboration is that both parties win
and the relationship is enhanced.
Sounds good, doesn't it? Ah, but collaboration is
easier on paper than it is in practice.
 Suggestions for collaboration
Choose to collaborate only if the relationship and the
solution are very important to you. (It's hard to resolve
problems!)
Solicit and actively listen to the other party's goals. Really,
listen! Stop thinking about your response or your
counterargument. No cross-complaining either!
Try to learn the feelings behind your partner's complaints.
What goals does your partner have?
Develop a willingness to share your goals as well.
Understanding one another is the first step towards
reconciliation and growth.
Stay open to new ways of addressing the problem - if your
partner agreed with your solution already, you wouldn't be
in conflict!
 Other Conflict Management
Techniques
 Problem solving - Face-to-face meeting of the conflicting
parties for the purpose of identifying the problem and
resolving it through open discussion.
 Super-ordinate goals - Creating a shared goal that cannot
be attained without the cooperation of each of the conflicting
parties.
 Expansion of resources - When a conflict is caused by the
scarcity of a resource –say, money, promotion opportunities,
office space expansion of the resource can create a win-win
solution.
 Smoothing - Playing down of differences while
emphasizing common interests between the conflicting
parties.
Conflict Management Techniques (cont.)

 Authoritative command - Management uses its formal

authority to resolve the conflict and then communicates
its desire to the parties involved.
 Altering the human variable - Using behavioral change
techniques such as human relations training to alter
attitudes and behaviors that cause conflict.
 Altering the structural variables - Changing the formal
organization structure and the interaction patterns of
conflicting parties through job redesign, transfers,
creation of coordinating positions, and the like.
 Conflict Outcomes
 Functional Outcomes from Conflict
 Increased group performance
 Improved quality of decisions
 Stimulation of creativity and innovation
 Encouragement of interest and curiosity
 Provision of a medium for problem-solving
 Creation of an environment for self-evaluation and change
people grow and change positively from the conflict.
 The conflict provides a win-win solution
 Involvement is increased for affected by the conflict
 Team cohesiveness is increased
 Conflict Outcomes (cont.)
 Dysfunctional Outcomes from Conflict
 Development of discontent
 Reduced group effectiveness
 Retarded communication
 Reduced group cohesiveness
 Infighting among group members overcomes group goals
 The problem is not resolved
 It drains energy from more important issues
 It destroys team spirit
 The team or individuals become divided
 Desired Conflict Outcomes

1. Agreement: strive for

equitable and fair
agreements that last
2. Stronger Relationships:
build bridges of goodwill
and trust for the future
3. Learning: greater self-
awareness and creative
problem solving
 Suggestions for fighting fairly
Recognize that conflict is inevitable in meaningful
relationships. Conflict can provoke eustress (good) or distress.
We decide which…
Fighting and loving are not mutually exclusive. I am capable
of hating your behaviors and loving you at the same time.
Mental game playing is not fair fighting. Mind reading,
sarcasm, the silent treatment, and passive aggressive moves
are neither fair nor effective.
It takes courage and consideration to fight well. Courageous
fighters are not afraid to apologize.
More talking doesn’t necessarily make things better.
When you’re wrong, apologize and mean it.
Suggestions for fighting fairly. (cont.)
Consider carefully when, where, and how to share your
frustrations and irritations.
Fight only if things will improve.
We are vulnerable in relationships: belittling, abusing, or
destroying others is both irresponsible and unethical.
Take responsibility for your feelings and actions.
To every thing, there is a time. Criticism needs to be
constructive.
Allow your partner/colleague/ friend to save face.
Fight in private and allow time to get issues out on the table.
Sometimes things are bigger than we are.
 To Conclude

 Conflict is not about winning and losing - it’s

about learning. When in conflict you may fall
down, pick yourself up and note where the pot-
hole was so you can walk around it the next
time.
 In conflict there are No winners and losers,
just “winners and learners”.
 Scoring - Personal Orientation
towards Others
1. Competitor = Item 3 + 5 =
2. Individualistic = Item 1 + 7 =
3. Cooperator = Item 4 + 8 =
4. Equalizer = Item 2 + 9 =
 Scoring - Conflict Management
Intentions

A. Negotiation
B. Confrontation
C. Compromise
D. Arbitration
E. Defusion
F. Appeasement
G. Withdrawal
H. Resignation
 Scoring - Conflict Management
Intentions
Set A: Items 13-16: Forcing/Domination. I win, you lose
Set B: Items 9-12: Accommodation. I lose, you win
Set C: Items 5-8: Compromising. Both win some, lose some
Set D: Items 1-4: Collaboration. I win, you win

A score of 17 or above on any set is considered high

Scores of 8 -16 are moderate
Scores of 7 or less are considered low.