Introduction

Genesis 24:1-21
1 Abraham was now old and well advanced in
years, and the LORD had blessed him in
every way.
2 He said to the chief servant in his household,
the one in charge of all that he had,
"Put your hand under my thigh.
3 I want you to swear by the LORD, the God
of heaven and the God of earth, that you
will not get a wife for my son from the
daughters of the Canaanites,
among whom I am living,
4 but will go to my country and my own
relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac."
 Introduction
Genesis 24:1-21
5 The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to
come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son
back to the country you came from?"
6 "Make sure that you do not take my son back there,"
Abraham said.
7 "The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my
father's household and my native land and who spoke to
me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I
will give this land'--he will send his angel before you so that
you can get a wife for my son from there.
8 If the woman is unwilling to come back with you,
then you will be released from this oath of mine.
Only do not take my son back there."
 Introduction
Genesis 24:1-21
12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my
master Abraham, give me success today,
and show kindness to my master Abraham.
15 Before he had finished praying,
Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder.
She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milcah,
who was the wife of Abraham's brother Nahor.
16 The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no man had
ever lain with her. She went down to the spring,
filled her jar and came up again.
17 The servant hurried to meet her and said,
"Please give me a little water from your jar."
18 "Drink, my lord," she said, and quickly lowered
the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.
 Introduction
Genesis 24:1-21
19 After she had given him a drink,
she said, "I'll draw water for
your camels too, until they
have finished drinking."

20 So she quickly emptied her jar

into the trough, ran back to the
well to draw more water, and
drew enough for all his camels.
21 Without saying a word, the
man watched her closely to
learn whether or not
the LORD had made his
journey successful.
 Introduction
Genesis 24:55-67
55 But her brother and her mother replied,
"Let the girl remain with us ten days or so; then you may go."
56 But he said to them, "Do not detain me, now that the LORD
has granted success to my journey. Send me on my way
so I may go to my master."
57 Then they said, "Let's call the
girl and ask her about it."
58 So they called Rebekah and
asked her, "Will you go with this man?"
"I will go," she said.
59 So they sent their sister Rebekah
on her way, along with her nurse
and Abraham's servant and his men.
60 And they blessed Rebekah...
 Introduction
Genesis 24:55-67
62 Now Isaac had come from Beer Lahai Roi,
for he was living in the Negev.

63 He went out to the field one evening

to meditate, and as he looked up,
he saw camels approaching.
64 Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac.
She got down from her camel

65 and asked the servant, "Who is that man

in the field coming to meet us?“ "He is my
master," the servant answered. So she
took her veil and covered herself.
 Introduction
Genesis 24:55-67

66 Then the servant told

Isaac all he had done.

67 Isaac brought her into the

tent of his mother Sarah,
and he married Rebekah.
So she became his wife,
and he loved her...
 Introduction
There were choices
available in Genesis 24.

Genesis 24:3-4

3 "...you will not get a wife for

my son from the daughters of the
Canaanites, among whom
I am living,
4 but will go to my country and
my own relatives and
get a wife for my son Isaac."
 Introduction
The servant 'laid a fleece' before God.
Genesis 24:12,14
12 Then he prayed, "O LORD,
God of my master Abraham,
give me success today, and
show kindness to my master Abraham.
14 May it be that when I say to a girl, 'Please let
down your jar that I may have a drink,' and she
says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'--let her
be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac..."

      The servant’s search contains important

principles that remain applicable
in contemporary society.
 First Poem
Love is like an onion
You taste it with delight
But when it’s gone, you wonder
Whatever made you bite
Love is a funny thing just like a lizard
He curls up around your heart
And jumps into your gizzard
Love is swell. It’s enticing.
It’s orange gel. It’s strawberry icing.
It’s chocolate moose. It’s roasted goose.
It’s ham on rye. It’s banana pie.
Love is all good things without a question.
In other words, it’s indigestion.
 Second Poem
Slippery ice, very thin
Pretty girl, tumbles in
Saw a boy on the bank
Gave a shriek then she sank

Boy on hand, heard the shout

Jumped right in, pulled her out
Now she’s his. Very nice
But she had to break the ice.
 "Love"
The word "love" is used to describe
various types of relationships:

Parents and Brothers and Friends to

God and man children sisters friends

But only in the relationship between husband and wife can

there be a physical consummation of love.
This is a sacred thing that must NOT be violated.
 1. The Wisdom in Seeking Counsel

Isaac was not the only

person involved in his
choice of bride.
Many young people tend to
see pastors and parents as
a hindrance when
choosing a mate, rather
than as sources
of wisdom.
It is good to have an
objective perspective
on your situation.
 1. The Wisdom in Seeking Counsel

Seek the wisdom of

others.

Do not get carried

away by emotions.

Proverbs 15:22
Plans fail for lack of
counsel, but with many
advisers they succeed.
 2. The Principle of Being Equally Yoked
2 Corinthians 6:14-16
14 Do not be yoked together
with unbelievers. For what
do righteousness and
wickedness have in
common? Or what fellowship
can light have with darkness?
15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial?
What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and
idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has
said: "I will live with them and walk among them,
and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
 2. The Principle of Being Equally Yoked
Amos 3:3
Usually, when a Christian Do two walk
marries an unbeliever, it is together
the Christian who gives way unless
to the unbelieving spouse. they have
agreed to
do so?

The Law of Gravity

makes it easier to be
pulled down than lifted up.

The Law of Sin makes

it easier to fall into sin
than to rise to righteousness.
 2. The Principle of Being Equally Yoked
Be SPIRITUALLY compatible -

in maturity

in passion and devotion

in godliness
 3. The Beauty of Purity
Genesis 24:16a
The girl was very beautiful, a virgin; no
man had ever lain with her.

Honor chastity

Honor your body

as a temple of the Holy Spirit

Godly relationships are…

…Biblical, God-honoring, and Kingdom-building
…Pure in the sight of God
 3. The Beauty of Purity
On a scale of 1 - 10:

1 10
Holding Sexual intercourse
hands

How far would you need to go before crossing the

"Line of Purity"?

Is there a "limit" to purity that can be negotiated around?

If we have a "Line" mentality, our biggest question

becomes “How far can I go before I cross the line?”
instead of focusing on pursuing righteousness.
 3. The Beauty of Purity
Don't struggle with how far you can go
before "crossing the line". Stay as far
away from the "line" as possible!

Pursue RIGHTEOUSNESS

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honoured by all, and
the marriage bed kept pure,
for God will judge the adulterer and
all the sexually immoral.
 3. The Beauty of Purity

When dealing with purity, the heart of the problem is the

problem with the heart.

(Story of Malcolm Muggeridge)

Be especially careful when

spending time alone as a
couple, inaccessible to the
family or the public.
 3. The Beauty of Purity
"You do not touch my daughter… If you cannot keep your eyes
or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them...
"The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a wooden stool… Places where the ambient temperature is
warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,
midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a
goose down parka zipped up to her throat… Old folks homes are
better…"
from "Rules for Dating My Daughter" (c) 1998, W. Bruce Cameron
<www.wbrucecameron.com> for complete text

Sex is sacred.
Purity is the greatest gift for your future spouse.
 How do you view your sexuality?

Affective sexuality is
related to the
attraction to the
opposite sex.
SEXUALITY

Genital sexuality
is related to sensuality and
the act of sexual intercourse.

Genital sexuality
must be kept within the marriage relationship.
The Differences Between Infatuation and Love

Infatuation Love

• Infatuation is a feeling • Love is willing

Infatuation is about Love is about the will.
emotions.
• You fall into Infatuation • You grow into Love

• Infatuation is selfish • Love is selfless

Infatuation says "I love you Love says "You're beautiful
because you're beautiful." because I love you."
• Infatuation is temporary • Love endures
 Characteristics of a Pure Relationship
1. A Desire to Please God
Not out to follow the crowd
Not concerned Holiness of
about what is acceptable
God
in society
More concerned about God’s feelings
Focused on God’s holiness

1 Peter 1
15 But just as he who Consider the
called you is holy, holiness of God!
so be holy in all you do;
16 for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
 Characteristics of a Pure Relationship
2. A Respect for the Sanctity of Sex Within Marriage

Sex was created by God

 Characteristics of a Pure Relationship
3. A Commitment to Guard the Purity of Others
The couple will not only Hebrews 10:24
consider the holiness of God, And let us consider how we may
but will actively guard each spur one another on toward love
other's and good deeds.
purity as well.
A Commitment to Guard the Purity of Others
Consider the implications of
everything you do as a couple.
Do not end up violating the purity
that you were meant
to be guarding.

See yourself as a warrior

guardian over the other person's
purity.
Prevent yourself from stealing
the purity that could belong to
someone else's future spouse.
 Tips for guarding each other's purity:

Guys Girls
Guys are turned on Girls are turned on
by what they by what they
see feel

Both are aroused by touch

Girls can help guard others' purity by dressing modestly.

Protect each other by not being too "touchy“.

 The Differences Between Boys and Girls
Generally
>> Guys are like light bulbs,
they turn on and off very quickly

<< Girls are like irons –

they take a long time to warm up,
but once hot, they stay hot
for a long time.

Respect yourself: Girls have complete freedom

to "pull the plug" and stop boys who go too far.
 The rules of marriage should NOT
be applied to courtship
Courting couples who 'break up'
should not be treated as if
they are 'divorced'.
If the couple has not been physically
intimate, there should be no problem
parting.
The very purpose of courtship is
to see if a person is suitable for
marriage!
There should be no stigma placed on
courting couples who separate.
 The privileges of marriage should NOT
be enjoyed in courtship
If the rules of marriage
do not apply to courting
couples, then do not take the
privileges of marriage when
courting.
Sex is a privilege of marriage,
and off-limits
to courting couples.
Nothing is settled until
they say "I do" at the altar.
 Marry because you want to,
not because you have to
Engagement
Engagement is NOT marriage.

It is a sign that you have

set yourself aside
exclusively for one person.
It is a signal to others that you
are "taken".

As long as the relationship is pure,

we become liberated when we understand
that nothing is final until "I do".
 Sex Demonstration
Why is it important to keep our purity?

Sexual intercourse always leaves "pieces"

of one partner with the other.
 Soul-ties
A tie forms between the souls of sexual partners.
Soul-ties with previous sexual partners will affect
and be linked to ties with future partners.
 Soul-ties
1 Corinthians 6
16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a
prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said,
"The two will become one flesh.“
17 But he who unites himself with the
Lord is one with him in spirit.

Paul compares sexual intercourse

with the intimacy of spiritual worship.
 Soul-ties
Colossians 3
5 Put to death, therefore,
Earthly
whatever belongs to your earthly nature:
sexual immorality, impurity, lust, Nature
evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.
6 Because of these,
the wrath of
God is
coming.
1 Corinthians 16
13 Be on your guard;
stand firm in the faith;
be men of courage; be strong.
14 Do everything in love.
 Unnatural Relationships
This includes homosexual relationships.
Leviticus 18:22 Leviticus 20:13
" Do not lie with a man as one " If a man lies with a man as one
lies with a woman; lies with a woman, both of them
that is detestable. have done what is detestable...

1 Corinthians 6
9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the
kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the
sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor
male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders
10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor
slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
 Unhealthy Relationships

"Lean To" relationships

Both parties cannot function without
the other.

"Lean On" relationships

Only one party cannot function without
the other.

Independent relationships
Both parties function completely independent of
the other.
 Unhealthy Relationships

1. "Lean To" relationships

2. "Lean On" relationships
3. Independent relationships

Healthy Relationship:
The Interdependent Relationship

Two complete individuals

in a mutual agreement
to walk together.
 Unhealthy Relationships
"Lean To" and "Lean On" relationships are very unhealthy in the
context of BGRs, as they lead to
Emotional Dependence (ED).

Unmarried ED relationships can

lead to adultery and
other ungodly sexual sins.

Most Christians do not plan

to commit adultery, but fall
into it through emotional
entanglement.
 Unhealthy Relationships: Emotional Dependence

The only way to end an ED relationship

is to starve it to death.

Stop feeding mutual dependence –

break the relationship
in order to start afresh.
 Unhealthy Relationships
R e m e. m b e r
Even if we have engaged in unhealthy relationships
or damaged our purity,

God's grace is greater than all of our past sins.

Isaiah 1:18 Psalm 103

"Come now, let us reason
together," says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like
scarlet, they shall be as white
as snow; though they are red
as crimson, they shall be like
wool.
11 For as high as the heavens are
above the earth, so great is
his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the
west, so far has he removed
our transgressions from us.
 4. The principle of shared inheritance
1. The wisdom of seeking counsel
2. Be equally yoked
3. Maintain purity

Genesis 24:7
“The LORD, the God of heaven, who brought me out of
my father's household and my native land and who spoke
to me and promised me on oath, saying,
'To your offspring I will give this land'-he will send
his angel before you so that you can get a wife for
my son from there.”
 4. The principle of shared inheritance

Isaac had an inheritance in the Lord and his future wife

would have to be a part of that destiny.

In the choice of spouse, one has to bear

in mind the mission and destiny that God
has placed on one's life.

Consider God's mission and

destiny for your life.
 3 ‘M’s in Life
Genesis 2:18 - 23
3 M's in Life:
1. MASTER

Adam got to know the

Lord first.
 3 ‘M’s in Life

1. MASTER 2. MISSION

Once Adam knew God, he knew

what God wanted him to do -
tend the garden. Adam found
his life purpose and mission.

You are forced to compromise on

God-given dreams and visions if your
partner does not share your passion
and mission.
 3 ‘M’s in Life

1. MASTER 2. MISSION 3. MATE

Once Adam knew his mission,

God sent him a mate to
share the mission with him.

"Helper" in the original Hebrew:

"one who assists another to
reach complete fulfillment."

Two candles that come together

must burn brighter for the Lord.
 5. The Presence of Willingness
Genesis 24:8
If the woman is unwilling to come back with you,
then you will be released from this oath of mine...

Genesis 24:57-58
57 Then they said, "Let's call the girl and
ask her about it."
58 So they called Rebekah and asked her,
"Will you go with this man?" "I will go," she said.

There must be some kind of mutual attraction

 5. The Presence of Willingness
Genesis 24:63-65

63 He went out to the field one evening

to meditate, and as he looked up,
he saw camels approaching.
64 Rebekah also looked up and
saw Isaac. She got down
from her camel
65 and asked the servant,
"Who is that man
in the field coming
to meet us?"
 5. The Presence of Willingness
The presence of willingness implies that there is
choice in the matter.

There must be freedom to choose on both side.

One should not

‘spiritually’ manipulate 1 Corinthians 13:5
another into a It is not rude,
relationship. it is not
self-seeking
...
 5. The Presence of Willingness
Does God have a perfect ONE for me?
Many people are waiting around for
The Perfect One.

This theory would mean that

if you miss this person (out of
the 5 billion on the earth) --
too bad!

Is this theory logical?

 5. The Presence of Willingness
Does God have a perfect ONE for me?
Numbers 36:6
This is what the LORD commands
for Zelophehad’s daughters:
They may marry anyone they please
as long as they marry within
the tribal clan of their father.

1 Corinthians 7:39
A woman is bound to her husband as
long as he lives. But if her husband dies,
she is free to marry anyone she wishes,
but he must belong to the Lord.
 5. The Presence of Willingness
Does God have a perfect ONE for me?
Choose the one that most suits you
from the range of good choices

There is no perfect
one but once we are
married,
we seek to become
the perfect one to our
partner.

God is not so concerned that you choose the right one

but you being the right one.
 6. The Key of Prayer
Genesis 24:12,63
12 Then he prayed, "O LORD, God of my master Abraham,
give me success today, and show kindness to my master
Abraham.
63 He went out to the field one evening
to meditate…

Bring God into

your search for a mate

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you
the desires of your heart.
 6. The Key of Prayer
"Marriage means the handing over of yourself, your body,
your future, your keeping, to the one whom you dearly love
although this person may in
many ways remain a stranger.
This tremendous act of faith
is something that can unlock
in each lover paths of
compassion, generosity, joy,
passion, fidelity and hope
that no one guessed
was even there.

That is why the confidence of young lovers is not foolish or arrogant

but an expression of a basic fact in human experience.
This is the greatest of human gifts and is set to work only
when people are prepared to risk everything.
But first you must risk it before God in prayer."
 7. The Important Virtue of Kindness
The only test that Abraham’s servant devised was
a test of kindness.
Genesis 24:14 Rebekah showed her
May it be that when I say to a girl, kindness with
'Please let down your jar that enthusiasm!
I may have a drink,' and she says,
'Drink, and I'll water your camels too'
let her be the one you have chosen
40 gallons
for Your servant Isaac.
of water

Genesis 24:20
So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough,
ran back to the well to draw more water,
and drew enough for all his camels.
 7. The Important Virtue of Kindness
Kindness is a virtue that one should always find in a mate.

Test for kindness, if for nothing else.

What you see is what you get.

People change. But not much.

If you do not see kindness

and loving concern before
marriage, do not hope that
marriage will change this.
 What makes a Woman attractive?
Proverbs 31:10
(NIV) A wife of noble character who can find?
(NKJV) Who can find a virtuous wife?
Observe
VIRTUOUS PRUDENT
chayil (Hebrew) sarkal (Hebrew) your
Strength Practical wisdom potential
Full of grace Good judgement
Lovingkindness Common sense
spouse!

Genesis 24:21 Proverbs 19:14

Without saying a word, Houses and wealth are
the man watched her closely to inherited from parents,
learn whether or not the LORD but a prudent wife is
had made his journey successful. from the LORD.
 What makes a Man desirable?
Proverbs 20:6 FAITHFUL
Many a man claims to have unfailing love, emuwn (Hebrew)
but a faithful man who can find? Can be relied on

The same word for "faithful" is used in Luke

16:10, in reference to financial dealings.

The Bible illustrates "faithfulness" in very practical

issues like money.
 What makes a Man desirable?
Be practical when choosing a spouse,
observe money habits, etc.
Matthew 6:21
For where your treasure is,
there your heart will be also.

Seek a spouse who is faithful

in financial dealings
and financially responsible.

Be on your guard for stinginess too!

Many unhappy marriages revolve around the unwise

financial dealings of one of the parties.
 8. The Need for Family Blessing
Genesis 24:59-60
59So they sent their sister Rebekah onher way, along with her
nurse and Abraham's servant and his men.
60And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, "Our sister, may you
increase to thousands upon thousands;
may your offspring possess
the gates of their enemies."

Marriage is the union of two persons,

but it is also the union of two families.
It is always wise to seek the blessings
of loved ones, both in the family and in the church.

(Remember that the couple still makes the final decision.)

 9. Timing
Divine timing is involved in all of this.

If you have not found your partner yet,

be encouraged to trust God’s timing for
your life.

The real issue:

Can we trust God's timing
for our lives?

DIVI NE
 9. Timing
Can we trust God's timing for our lives?

Do we really believe that God has our best interests at

heart?

Do we truly trust that His timing

is the best?

If we really trust God’s timing

then we will view singleness as
a God-ordained season of our lives.
 9. Timing
If you are still single - make full use of your time.
1 Corinthians 7:32
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried
man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—
how he can please the Lord.

Break the mentality of being in need

of a partner.
Enjoy your season of singleness !
Trust God’s timing and enjoy
singleness as a gift from God.
Serve Him with your whole being.
 9. Timing
Every relationship follows an Intimacy Triangle
Apex
(sexual consummation)

Intimacy
Triangle
 A Practical Guide to Courtship
A typical male Singaporean
16 years Complete Secondary Education
18 years Complete Pre-University
20.5 years Complete Army
23.5 years Complete University
26 years Career Established/Marrying Age
 A Practical Guide to Courtship
1 Corinthians 7
8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for
them to stay unmarried,as I am.
9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry,for
it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Pace your
relationship
wisely
 BGR Flowchart
START
Know your
Specify your
mission
Ideal partner
statement
no no
Carry out yes Talk to parents,
fact finding Pray pastors,
and profiling godly counsel
END yes
Get married
yes Attend yes Communicate
with your
counselling
partner
no no
 10. The Principle of the Well
Where can you find desirable men and women?

Abraham, Jacob, and Moses all

found their spouses at wells.

Isaac's wife Rebekah was

also found at a well.

In the Old Testament,

the WELL was the most
common place to meet
one's spouse.
 10. The Principle of the Well
Where is the well today? John 4:6
Jacob's well was there,
The well is a place: and Jesus, tired as he
- where people are refreshed
was from the journey,
- where you can find water
sat down by the well…
- of rest

Today's "Well”
is the Church
The best place to
look for a future mate
is in the Church.
 10. The Principle of the Well
Where is the well today?

Pursue the knowledge of As you serve the Lord at the

God and the purposes of "well", your "Rebekahs",
His Kingdom. "Rachels" and "Zipporahs”
will come along.
10. The Principle of the Well
Adam was at rest when Eve came along!
Genesis 2:21-22
21 So the LORD God caused the
man to fall into a deep sleep;
and while he was sleeping, he
took one of the man's ribs and
closed up the place with flesh.
22 Then the LORD God made a
woman from the rib he had
taken out of the man, and he
brought her to the man.

As you serve and wait,

your mind and spirit should be at rest.
 Conclusion
Never undermine your own faith-
believe God for a future mate.

Enjoy the relationships

you have in the Church
 Purity Vow

In obedience to God and out of a

motivation of true love, I pledge to abstain
from sexual activity and maintain
my purity from now on and into marriage.
I submit myself to God and the
sanctifying power of His Holy Spirit to
help me maintain this commitment.
In Jesus’ Name and for His glory,
I sincerely make this commitment.
Amen.
 ? ? ?

Amin Betty Charles Demi Erric Frederika

G H