Who am I? Perhaps it's our choices.

Of all the questions philosophers have tried to answer, perhaps none is more profound than, "Who am I?" It appears that we have a universal desire to know our true identity. We wonder: Do I have worth? Am I a body, a spirit or both? Am I more than the roles and duties I perform? Do I live beyond this physical life? We ask these important questions because we think it will help us better understand our identity. While this may be true, one of the premises of Life on a Stage is that we are experiential performers whose actions create meanings for our audience and us. In keeping with this theme, I suggest that we are the decisions that we make, and further, that until we evolve into a mediated state, our decisions will most likely be made according to the tyranny of our ego--the default non-mediated state whose decisions are based in false alternatives. Life is filled with opposing forces that affect how we make our decisions. For instance, most of us wish to be considered as a unique individual; yet, we want to fit in with everyone else. Or, we like being with people--yet need our space. When we make choices based upon opposing forces, we do so in either a mediated or non-mediated state. A mediated state is one where opposing forces have been reconciled. In the non-mediated state, the opposing forces are not reconciled and we chose one force over the other. Often these opposing forces are nothing more than false alternatives--which we would not choose were we in a mediated state. Because mediated states require constant attention to personal growth, development and transformation, our decisions are most often non-mediated. In the non-realized state, shades of grey are only seen in the extremes. Our experiences of ourselves and others are largely based upon the default positions we assume as we make decisions concerning the following six questions: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. How do we view ourselves? How do we handle conflict? How do we manage external forces? How do we decide what is valuable? How do we decide what we shall do? How do we decide our worth?

Each of the six questions represents a dimension of personal decision-making. Within each of the dimensions is a default polarity--a set of false alternatives--that is attractive to the ego. As stated earlier, in a non-realized state, a person does not see the wide range of choices available to them and instead chooses one or both of the false alternatives. As you read about them, see if you can recognize some of your own decision-making or those of your friends. Autonomy Dimension: How do we view ourselves? Polarities: Victim-hood or Self-reliance

As commonly defined, autonomy is our ability to act independently. As used here, the definition of autonomy is expanded to include one's perceptions of the events that happen to them. The false alternatives of this dimension are victim-hood and self-reliance. Victim-hood is believing that we are have been, or are being harmed by others and that there is little or nothing that we can do about it. Self-reliance is the belief that we are the captains of our experiences and that we can control, and are responsible, for the things that happen to us. Aversion Dimension: How do we handle conflict? Polarities: Attack or Avoidance

Often called fight or flight, attack and avoidance are the default positions people use to solve conflicts within themselves, between others and in relationships. Attack positions are the things we do to neutralize or stop conflicts in a way that is favorable to us. Avoidance is when we ignore or look the other way instead of doing something productive to solve or alleviate our problems. Control Dimension: How do we manage external forces? Polarities: Control or Indifference

All of us face external forces from the people, places or things in our lives. Often times, the wishes of others come into direct conflict with our own desires. The default position of this dimension is control and indifference. Controlling behaviors seek to manipulate what others do so that it lines up more with something we would be more comfortable. Indifference is our decision to walk away from the things we cannot change. Judgment Dimension: How do we decide what is valuable? Polarities: Good Right Pleasurable or Bad, Wrong, Pain

To a large extent, our beliefs, attitudes and values determine our actions. It can be argued that, except for the reactions produced by the limbic brain and force of habit, all actions are preceded by thought. Thoughts, in are selected in such a way as to minimize dissonance through the default positions of what is good, right, and pleasurable. Of the three, pleasure appears to be the trump card. Even when actions are chosen that do not appear good or right--a closer look will usually reveal that pleasure was the selecting factor. Of course, a good question might be, "On what basis does one decide what is good, right and pleasurable?" Though there is no easy answer, for the non-realized, it would appear that customs, traditions, culture, family of origin and authority figures--as well as pleasure--all play important an role in these decisions. Participation Dimension: How do we decide what we shall do? Polarities: Pain Risk or Pleasure Reward

All of us have choices to make; and, when they are not made for us our default choice is to pick the course that offers the most pleasure at the lowest risk. Again, pleasure is the trump card. There are those who will take extreme risks but only because of the perceived pleasure it brings them. Connection Dimension: How do we seek connection? Polarities: Outward or Inward Isolation

The last dimension concerns how we find value--whether outwardly or inwardly. Interestingly, regardless of the path chosen, we experience isolation from ourselves. For instance, some seek to define themselves through people they know, parties they attend, committees they lead and so on. Though one may be outwardly extroverted, they may experience little or no connection with others. The saying that, "It's lonely at the top," illustrates the isolation one may feel on the inside--even though people may be surrounding them. Conversely, some people turn inward--spending less time with others than with themselves. In extreme cases, one may turn to compulsive and addictive behaviors as a pleasurable alternative to the isolation.

The Mediated and NonMediated Self

By David Lowry Life is filled with opposing forces that affect how we make our decisions. For instance, most of us wish to be considered as a unique individual; yet, we want to fit in with everyone else. Or, we like being with people--yet need our space. When we make choices based upon opposing forces, we do so in either a mediated or a non-mediated state. A mediated state is one where opposing forces have been reconciled. In the non-mediated state, the opposing forces are not reconciled and we chose one polarity over the other. Many times these opposing forces offer us false alternatives--which we would not choose were we in a mediated state. Because mediated states require constant attention to personal growth, development and transformation, our decisions are most often nonmediated. In the non-realized state, shades of grey are only seen in the extremes. Autonomy How do we view ourselves? Polarities: Victim-hood or Self-reliance Aversion How do we handle conflict? Polarities: Attack or Avoidance Control Dimension: How do we manage external forces? Polarities: Control or Indifference Judgment How do we decide what is valuable? Polarities: Good Right Pleasurable or Bad, Wrong, Pain Participation How do we decide what we shall do? Polarities: Pain Risk or Pleasure Reward Connection How do we seek connection? Polarities: Outward or Inward Isolation In a very real sense, determined by the choices we make and the way in which we make them. Until we learn how to reconcile the opposing forces of life without resorting to polarities, we will not become the unique person we were meant to be.