Volume

21, Issue 3

April 8, 2012

Dont say bombs at the airport. Well, it doesnt help that Im brown. ~ Tanvi Subramanian

The Bathroom Reader!

This weeks weather in soda/pop brands!
Monday, April 9: (Cloudy) Tuesday, April 10: 60/34 47/34 (Mostly Sunny) Wednesday, April 11: (Partly Cloudy) Thursday, April 12: (Partly Cloudy) Friday, April 13 (ooh, scary!): (Showers) Saturday, April 14: 52/34

Hello everyone! I hope everyone had a great Easter, Passover, or just normal weekend! This week is SUPER busy, so please take a look at the calendar directly below! Lots o lots o stuff for all of us to do! Alright well thats all I really have to say. Soheres a picture! P.S. 61 days left till summer. Countdown queen in da hizzouse.

(And it says arse so it must be legit)

56/43

54/48

Monday, April 9th: 5pm 6pm: Running club 7pm 8pm: Extraterrestrial life (astrophysics) fireside 8pm 9pm: Relay for Life letter writing

Agenda for this week:

61/56

Tuesday, April 10th: 11am-1pm: P2P Lunches 7pm 8:30pm: ASG Candidate fireside 7pm 8pm: Co-rec ultimate frisbee

(Cloudy) Sunday, April 15: (Showers)

68/52

Wednesday, April 11th: 9am 11am: Presidential Pancakes 11am 1pm: P2P Lunches 6pm 7pm: White ultimate Frisbee 7pm: ASG elections close online 7pm 8pm: Philosophy fireside

The Blind Vices have returned!

I have an affinity for putting things in my mouthwait dont write that down! ~ Anonymous Slivkan 1: If only we knew someone who knew had to tap a keg. Slivkan 2: I do!! (astonished pause) Wait, no I mean I know someone. I cant do it. (laughter)

Thursday, April 12th: 5pm 6pm: Running club 7pm 8pm: Lisa Del Torto dinner 8pm 9pm: Stock Market Challenge

Saturday, April 14th: 10am 12pm: Relay for Life canning 4pm 6pm: First spring quarter BBQ!

Sunday, April 15th: 10am 12pm: Relay Brunch 1pm 2pm: White softball 2pm 3pm: Co-rec softball 5pm 6pm: White soccer 8pm 9pm: Co-rec soccer 8:30pm 9pm: House Meeting

Volume 21, Issue 3

Slivkan Spotlight from guest writer, Kamil Cwikla

April 8, 2012

There is no one in Slivka that is more mysterious than Ikenna Richard Carrington. Most people only hear stories about his booming laugh in wee hours of the morning and his brazen, pseudo-witty comments. I, Kamil, have been given the opportunity to live in relative proximity to this man amongst men, and before he leaves Slivka, all should know of his deeds and eccentricities. For he is the most interesting man in the Residential College System. No, thats a really lame way to put it. Hes weird.

IRC likes Japanese Anime and often watches it while nude in his room IRC listens to K-pop IRC has a pair of tight baby-blue khaki long pants IRC has won three Halo matches out of 1000 playing with me, not exaggerating IRC has an earring hole, but doesnt use it IRC moisturizes his lips multiple times a day. Ladies? IRC turns the shower on when he takes a dump, then doesnt shower right after IRC has an infatuation with three-syllable words IRC has watched an entire Lets Play of Nintendos Diddy Kong Racing while nude in his room IRC wears really awfully mismatched and nerdy clothing, refuses to say asked, and is obnoxiously articulate. IRC also thinks he is too good to swear. Funny, because he cant sing along with some of his favorite vulgar songs. IRCs full first name is Ikennachouku IRC doesnt like being called Richard IRC hates when people chew with their mouths open. If you sit near him in Sargent, do it. Or, yawn without covering your mouth, he equally hates that. IRC does not like being touched. Place a kind hand on his shoulder and know that inside he is extremely uncomfortable. IRC refuses to like any post on Facebook. When I post something hilarious on his wall, he has to walk to my room and tell me that its hilarious. IRC does not friend people on Facebook unless he deems them worthy of his friendship. IRCs room (particularly last year) was a dark, damp room of death and black magic (no pun intended). Jerome was one of the few that ventured in and came out alive, though if you look into his eyes, he is scarred. IRC thinks he is really good at Super Smash Brothers, but is really quite mediocre. The only game Ive witnessed him actually win consistently in is games of Madden 2012 against Sathwik. Really, Sathwik? IRC lets his sister pick out his clothes and glasses IRC has the loudest laugh ever. I get a text daily from Mattie (from another suite) asking what the hell he is laughing at (usually something really stupid). Ive tested this, one can hear his laugh from just outside the rec lounge if our suite door is open. IRC sleeps from roughly 6 am to whenever he wakes up, often 7 or 8 pm. IRC has a voice so deep after sleeping 10+ hours, it literally shakes my chest cavity with the vibrations IRC cant eat lactose.

All of these facts are absolutely true, but why am I doing this? Some of these things are rather embarrassing. Well, Ill tell you. Richard often tries to be patronizing and makes fun of many of the things I do, as he does with a lot of people. Ive told him that I will thoroughly get him back one day. Thank you for reading this article. *Points at forehead* YOU LOSE RICHARD. ~ from Kamil Cwikla