'don't 

let the door hit you o
n the way  out'  
hell,
who am i kidding,
i hope you fall down the stairs too .
 

Did You Know?

1.) That like fingerprints ever person has a different tongue
print?

2.) A pregnant goldfish is called a twit

3.) More than 50% of the people in the world have never
made or received a phone call

4.) Your nose can remember over 50,000 different smells

5.) The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's six" is said to be

the toughest tongue twister in the English language.

6.) If you sneeze too hard you can fracture a rib

7.) If you try too hard not to sneeze, you can pop a blood
vessel in your head or neck and die

8.) Rats multiply so fast that in 18 months two rats can

have over a million descendants.
9.) The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

10.) A ducks QUACK doesn't echo anywhere and no one

knows why.
 

Braced  myself  for  goodbye

'Cause that's all I've ever known
Then you took me by surprise
  You said, "I'll never leave you alone"
When life gives you a

Bad Romance,
Show everyone your

Poker Face
Buy a new

Telephone
Call Alejandro

The you guys can just dance

HILARIOUS PICK UP LINES.

 
-     I'm good at math. You + Me = 69 ; )
-     You may fall from the sky, or fall from a
      tree but the best way to fall is in love
      with me.
-     Nice shoes, wanna fudge?
-     Lets get high & touch each other.
-     I heard sex is a killer, wanna die happy ; )
-     Wanna know what would look good on you? me. ; )
-     Excuse me for interrupting and I'm not trying to make
      a pass, but you must be leaving the country if your
      packing that much ass.
-     You must be a parking ticket, because you have fine
       written all over you ; )
Laughing at that

Person
Who just fell over

In public(:

A girl said
guys are like a deck of cards.
you need a heart to love him with
a diamond to marry him
a club to smash his head in
and a spade to bury that bastard.

you may be over him. b u t y o u r h e a r t s u r e i s n ' t .

 
It's the kind of relationship where
they have a secret handshake,
and she begs him to watch
Disney movies with her, while
he begs her to watch a
scary movie instead. Its
where they laugh and joke all
the time, but they're serious
when the time is to be serious.
Its where neither of
them have to say "I love you" because
they know with all their hearts
that they love each other.
Its where they can mess around on her couch,
and then she'll laugh at him
when he tries not to
look guilty in front of
her dad. Its the kind of
love that everyone
dreams of ♥ 
 

She asked him,

what kind of wedding would you want? 

He [r e p l i e d]
the one that would make you my wife. <33
 Things to saywhen a
guydumpsyou#1
shrug your shoulders and say
"my other boyfriend is cuter
anyways . . . "

When you like a guy

every other girl that
talks to him is a slut.

I'm going to be "One Less Lonely Girl" when Justin Bieber

tells me that he needs "Somebody to Love" and
he will tell me "One Time" that I am his "Favorite Girl"
On our "First Dance" he will call me his "Baby"
and tell me that he "Loves Me" and we will
be "Stuck in the Moment" when he whispers
I will "Never let you go" and I look around
seeing all the other girls say "That Should Be Me"
 and I will tell him he makes me feel like a
"Bigger" and better person.

There's a wild side to every 
innocent face. ;)

saying "ew" when you hear the

name of someone you don't like.

❝IT'S NOT WORKING!❞

❝Hit it.❞
No Your Wrong, Just sit 
there In your Wrongness,
 and be
Wrong.  

youk now ,they say
that if you dream about someone,
it means they fell asleep
thinking about you <3

I   w a s   t r y i n g
t o   f l y
but I couldn't find wings. Then you came
along
and you changed everything.

"where'd so-and-so go?"

"i killed them."

&I‘mthatgirlwho;
-turns on every light in the house to feel safer.
-checks the fridge every 5 min to see if food magically appeared.
-pushes those little buttons on lids of fast-food drinks.
-texts the person next to me things I can’t say out loud.
-has a billion inside jokes with my best friend.
-would wear sweats over a skirt anyday.
-eats Honey Nut Cheerios every morning for breakfast.
-can make anybody’s day better, even when I can’t brighten my own.
-will lay in the middle of the street for no reason.
&loves the guy who doesn’t love me back.

-_I_-
 May act like
 ♥ Your ♥ bestfriend ♥
But  secretly  I'm a ninja hired to kill you

♦ ♦ ♦
-Facebook

Not my format credit to whoever <3

As i sat there watching eclipse i realised;

  Team Riley
 

Then he died...
 

he's  not  perfect  neither  is  she

[   B u t   xT o g e t h e r  x  T h e y  x  J u s t  x  M i g h t  x   B e   )     
 Ha, your
innocent?
                               Believe me,  in someone else's diary, you're a skanky whore.

Coca-cola went to town

Diet pepsi knocked him down
Dr.pepper fixed him up
Now i'm drinking 7.up

7.up got the flu

Now i'm drinking Mountain Dew

Mountain Dew fell off the mountain

Now i'm drinking from the

fountain
Yesterday the fountain broke
Now i'm back to drinking coke
Guy: Why do girls cry over a person on a
tv that you
dont even know?
Girl: The same reason guy's jump up and
down yelling
and screaming over some guy the dont
know who got a
touch down.

if i ever become a bird,

i know who i'm shiting on first.

is anyone else
team edward in the books
but in the movie...
team jacob??
 I'll be Burger King
 
You'll be Mcdonalds

Ill be doing it my way

 
And you'll be lovin it

Emmett:What happened to your hand?

Bella:Punched a werewolf.
Emmett:Badass.

:)
very long but worth the read
One day little Johnny and his family were
getting ready for a family reunion. In the
morning, he heard his mom and dad in an
argument. Little Johnny's dad called his
wife a lady, and Johnny's mom called her
husband a bastard. He asked his mom what a
lady and a bastard was, and his mom replied
with, "Well Johnny, a lady is a lady and a
bastard is a gentlemen." Later on Little
 Johnny heard his neighbors say, "Put your
penis in my vagina." Little Johnny asked
his dad what a penis and a vagina was, and
his dad replied with, "Well Johnny,a vagina
is a coat and a penis is a hat." A few
hours later, Little Johnny saw his dad
shaving. His dad accidentally cut himself
with the razor and yelled, "Shit!" Little
Johnny asked his dad what 'stuff' was, and
his dad replied with, "Shit this kind of
shaving cream." Very soon after, Little
Johnny saw his mom cutting the turkey as
she accidentally cut herself with the
knife. She yelled, "Fuck!" Little Johnny
asked his mother what 'fudge' meant, and
she said, "Well Johnny, fudge is a way to
cut the turkey." Finally the guests arrived.
Johnny answered the doorbell and said to
all of his relatives,
"Hello bitches and bastards. May
I take your penis's and
vagina's? Dad is in the bathroom
wiping the stuff off of his face
and mom is in the kitchen
bleeping the turkey."
 I'll stop loving you
when Candace f i n a l l y *  busts
Phineas && Ferb. 
impossible.
-3k9.

 Where's Kanye when my

parents are giving me a long ass
speech?

Softball playin' girls we're undefeatable,

Knee high socks, with jerseys on top;
Dirt on our skin, so hot, we'll pour our gatorade!

i forgive you
lol jk,
you fucked me over, go to hell
 When I learn how to drive..
You're the first person I'm
running over 
❥ heart it (: ?

There's plenty of fish

in the sea,
                                                            so can you not flirt with my
fish?

Hi, I'm a spider.
I   can   make   your   girlfriend   scream   louder   than   you   can.      ;D
 Why
do i always have the urge to smile when i'm being yelled at
?

Did you know,

 that when someone
                                              

appears in your dreams,

that means they want

to see you.

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
who died in an oil spill because of BP
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
 (( H e r : ))
Shut up!
I wear heels bigger than your dick!
(( H i m : )) 
But...you don't wear heels.
(( H e r : )) 
I know.
 The teacher asks Timmy
"why is your cat at school
today?" Timmy says,
crying, "Because I heard
my daddy say to my
mommy, 'I'm going to eat
that pussy when the kids
leave.' so I'm saving
him!"
Any one else hate when guys ask you for
"dirty pictures"?  

I'm not your personal porn star.

Fuck off
 boy: hey, i heard u dumped ur new boyfriend. what happened?
girl: iddk. he kept trying to change things about me.
boy: well there's only one thing i would ever try to change about
u.
girl: what's that?
boy: your last name ♥

 "Help, I’m drowning, I’ve got butt cramps, I want ice cream, and now it’s
dark!"

-;-PATRICK STAR-;-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHAH!

.   .    .    o  h    y  o  u  '  r  e     c  r  y  i  n  g 

Color credit to nicolejanine

2pac's of Eminems cost 50 cent?! Whaaat!? That's

ludacris! I want my nickleback (:

 
 

               Girl: So, truth

or dare?
                        Boy: Truth..
                  Girl: What do  you
hate
         Most about me?
    Boy: You're not mine. 

Hi, i'm a shower. If you turn me on, i'll get you wet  

 If
laughing makes you longer I'm live

gonna forever.
live

Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass.
Belle fell in love with a hideous beast. Jasmine married a common thief.
Ariel walked on land for love and life, Snow white barely escaped a knife.
It was all about  b l o o d,  s w e a t, and  t e a r s .
Because love means facing your biggest
fears.♥ 

Okay, I trust you.

lol JK
3OH!3 told me to never trust a hoe.

I always look over my shoulder ,

wonderingwhen 
K a r m a 
willfinally 
kick my ass.

Ke$ha, you got it all wrong.. its supposed to

be "and now the dudes are linin' up cuz they
hear we got fever but we kick them to
 the crib unless they look like J. bieber"


"Yoooo Dawwwg... Whazz Crackin?"

Dude, shut up. You're white.

No matter where you are in the world,

the moon is never bigger than your thumb. ♥

87x/59(1+x)=(18*7x)*(67-x)...
 fudgethis,i'mgoingtobeastripper.

letter #33:
i  miss  you  so  much  it  hurts. ♥

dear john♥

avorite this and...

  something bad will happen to someone u hate

       ~*well we can hope~*

favorite this quote if you

know someone who
deserves to get struck
by lightning. :)

idontreallyhaveatype
ijustknowwhatilikewhen 
iseeit.
;)

do it today
♥  •  ♥  •  ♥  •  ♥  •  ♥  •  ♥  •  ♥
it   may   be   illegal   tomorrow

Two weeks together,
that's all it took. Two weeks for me to fall  for  you.  //♥ //♥ //♥

dear john♥ 

"Hellooo!"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"Nothing, you?"
"Same."
Good Talk. Good Talk.

 she said she wanted to get high,

he took her to the tallest hill in town.
she said she wanted to stay up all night and drink,
he gave her a 12 pack or decaf pepsi and said [[drink up]]. 
she said she wanted to shoot herself in the face,
he gave her a water gun, put her finger on the trigger aimed it at her face and helped her pull the trigger.
she said she wanted to cut herself,
 he took a polaroid of her, handed it to her along with scissors, and had her cut it up. 
she said she wanted to see her blood, 
he took her to get her ears pierced. 
she said she wanted to cry herself to sleep, 
he had her watch a sad romantic movie before bed. 
she said she wanted to be alone,
he gave her a name tag that said Hello my name is: Alone. 
she said she wanted someone there to take care of her, 
he asked when he wasn't

Don't do drugs
Don't have unprotected sex
Don't be violent
leave that to me
~ eminem

Boy: She's Hot.. Girl: She's a

Bitch.
      Girl: He's Hot.. Boy: He's
Gay.

Lucky is a guy who is a girl's first love,

But luckier 
is the girl who is a guy's last lovee 
*Boy and Girl are walking around the mall*
Girl: Hey, do you think that girl is pretty? I do! *Points out pretty girl*
Boy: She’s alright.
Girl: Oh… Okay, how about that one? Shes really pretty! *Points out another girl*
Boy: Haha, that girl’s not pretty or ugly. She’s average.
Girl: Oh… you have really high standards.
Boy: I guess you can say that.
Girl: Okay, fine. Once you see one, point her out!
Boy: Haha, alright.
*Boy and Girl walk around some more*
Boy: OH! I found one!
Girl: Really?! Where?!
*Boy puts arm around Girl’s shoulder*
Boy: Right here.

This is the worst idea ever

[pause]
"Let's do it"

He comes up to me"
Him: Do you still like me?
Me: Ya but you obvoiusly don't like me
Him: ya thats true i don't like you
Me: ya thanks for telling me -.-
Him: what? i don't like you.....but im pretty sure i love you  
AND  THEN   GOD   MADE    
               S  α  t  u  r  n  .  .  . 
and he liked it,
so he put a ring on it.

call me a slut, call me a whore.

call me whatever ; ive heard it before.
say that im fake, say that i lie.
say what you want, you wont see me cry.
cause i know none of it is true, but calling
me all this stuff.
Ha what the fudge does that make you?

❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ No
longer giving a shit
Nemo
is such a rebal
he touched the butt!!

Little Johnny was in class. the teacher said she would say a famous line and whoever was
the 1st to tell her who said it could go out to recess early. little johnny was excited, he
really wanted recess.

The teacher said  "I have a dream. . ."

little Cindy quickly said "Martin Luther King jr!"
the teacher let her go out to recess.

Then the teacher said " Four scores and seven years ago..."
before little johnny could open his mouth, Keving said  "abraham lincoln"
he was correct and was let go out to recess. 

Johnny got angry and said loudly

 

"God damnit! Why can't these

bitches keep their bleeping
mouths shut"
The teacher was shocked and demanded to know " WHO SAID THAT?!?!"

little johnny repliedd - "Tigerwoods, Can i go now?"

Dont make me mad.
                                                                            //Im running out of places to hide bodies

true story, i love him so much ♥  

 him:
the other day my grandma told she wasn't going to be here forever.

and she said to find a nice beautiful girl to marry. 

i  told her i already did, i showed her your picture too.

so now you have to marry me.

What Do You Wanna Be

When You Grow Up?
*points* I Want To Be With
Him [♥]
Her: Why do you like my full
name so much? it sucks!!!
Him: Because 1) it's cute...
2) If you don't like it, try
your first & middle name
with MY last name
Gotta love Brendan for saying this

Hate to break it to you hun, but

makeup
can't fix that ugly excuse
you call a face
Credit to lilriderxx for the quote ❤
 Boys think of girls as
books.
                                      

                   if the cover doesn't

catch their eyes,           
they won't bother to read it.

Today I realized that if you watch jaws backwards,

it's the story of a shark that throws up so many people they
have to open a beach.
MLIA.

once you find out

what 69 means.......
you'll never look at it the same

Hey, can you like, back away?

I am allergic to 
 Whores
drake:
 are you calling me a liar? 
josh:
 well, i ain't calling you a truther!
♥

The Alphabet starts with

ABC
The Numbers start with 123
Music starts with do-re-mi
and Love starts with you and me
 I'll hit you so hard
                                                                              That when you wake up, your clothes will be out of style

 "Last night I dreamed I ate

a ten-pound marshmallow,
and when I woke up the
pillow was gone."

Boy : What's your biggest fantasy?

Girl : To be kissed in the rain, & yours?
Boy : To make that wish come true.

♥
 to be
TOGETHER,you have
TO ♥ GET ♥ HER.

I'd hit that...!

with my car ;D
-not mine
 

If I had three bullets, I'd waste them all on you. Just to make sure
you were dead.

Do I have to spell it out,

or scream it in your face?

♥
The chemistry between us
could destroy this place.

you're my /best/ and /worst/ idea                        

                                        i think i've                                 
 ever had. 
                     [♥] [♥] [♥] [♥] [♥] [♥] [♥]                            

i'm not mad at you,

i'm just not dealing with you
& your drama anymore.

Today,
I woke up feeling like P-Ditty,
I wished on an airplane,
To be  forever young,
Didn't start the party without Ke$ha,
My BF said he was a rude boy,
But I'm not afraid,
I warned him I was only gunna break-break
his heart,
he said don't,
cause my love is his drug
I had a feeling ,
tonight was gunna be a good night,
I had a party in my bedroom,
all night long
but,
I made it.
 Wow Bitch
Keep Running Your Mouth, See What Happens Too It.
Blame All Your Shit On Me
See Who Believes You.
My REAL Friends Will Stand By Me
And If Some Of Them Choose To Walk Away,
Let It Be, Then They Never Really Were My Friend

Fuck You
I Never Said Anything, But Ok Turn It All Around.
Make Me Out For The Bad Guy.
Listen Bitch, Go Die, No One Likes You.
Talk About Me, See If I Dont Break Your Face.
 Where the F**K is my
..............................................
found it.

Tryin' to make me jealous, tellin' me what colour his boxers are

I know, I bought 'em

Tellin' me how good he is in bed,

Bitch, I taught him

If you tickle my feet I am

not responsible for what
happens to your face:]

"no, i didn't do it."

"then why are you smiling?"

"cause you're so serious."
 I miss licking it.
-------------------------------------
I miss sucking it.
-------------------------------------
I miss slurping the
sticky wet juices off of it.
-------------------------------------

damn it!
*********************
I wish i didn't drop my popsicle.
 

 
 S[he] be[lie]ve[d]

"remember that time when

you-"
"not in front of my parents
dumbass"

"oh cool its bendable!"

*SNAP*
"nevermind"

                                       I love you in a                     +++       

"I wish a car would hit you" 
                                                                                                                                 
sorta way.                  ♥
 he stole my heart;;
so i stole his last name <3

And heres to the

The spaz attack when youre half asleep, and you feel like youre falling.
The teachers that when you need them keep walking by acting like they cant hear you
To the people that get high off one hit
And to the kids that get waisted from one beer.
To the thats what she said joke
Or the your mom jokes
To the people that trip and act like nobody saw them when we all did

Not now chief,im in the bleeping zone

funny how i randomly find condoms in the street.

 what do people do in the streets now a days?

 Chill out, dad.

He's my boyfriend,
not a rapist.
 never say something that
you;
are not willing to admit you 
said.
WSHG
we stalk hot guys

A friend will lend you an umbrella, but a best friend                

will take yours and scream

 “Run bitch, run!”

For once i want to be the girl
that makes the player fall. I want to make him change, and give it his all.For
once I wanna be the girl that got him to quite the game, retire his jersey, and
draw hearts around my name
-----<3<3<3<3<3—

And it's two bare feet on the dashboard,

Young love and an old Ford,
Cheap shades and a tattoo,
And a Yoo-Hoo bottle on the floorboard.
[Perfect song] on the radio,
Sing along 'cause it's one we know,
It's a smile, it's a kiss
 It's a sip of wine, it's summertime.
Sweet summertime.

wear a condom on your head.

if you gonna act like a dick,
dress like one.

most girls say they want a fairy tale but

you taught me that it's not really what i
want. i want someone who will make fun
of me & laugh at my jokes even if they
aren't funny. someone that wrestles with
me & doesn't let me win just cause i'm a
girl. yeah riding off into the sunset on a
white horse would be nice but playing
football with you seems so much better.

paging Dr. Faggot.

-the hangover <3

  Baby,
                You make my floppy disk turn into a

                        hard drive

 What Not To Say To A Cop
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t on.

3. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been going 125 mph just to keep up with me!

5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.

6. Bad cop! No donut!

7. You’re gonna check the trunk, aren’t you?

8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school instead.

9. I pay your salary.

10. That’s terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.

11. Is that a 9mm? It’s nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You’re a trained specialist?

13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.

14. That gut doesn’t inspire too much confidence; bet I can outrun you.

15. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?

16. Is it true people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonald’s?

17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.

18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around–That’s how far they are ahead of me.
19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fåell off my lap and got lodged
between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control

Give me a W!
Give me a H!
Give me a O!
Give me a R!
Give me a E!
What's that spell?

Your Girlfriend.

Peace, Pot, Tequila Shot

Jesus luvz me stoned or not
Sex, DrugZ, rock n roll,
speed,weed,birth control
Life sux Then u die, once u pull an
"AMERICAN PIE"
we get laid and life is great...
cuz were da class of 2008

Peace, pot, tequila shot.

Jesus ‫ﺎ‬٥√‫ﻉ‬s us,
stoned or not.
sex, drugs, rock && roll,
s p e e d, weed, birth control ღ,
party harty, drink bacardi,
smoke a bowl, have a party.
 smirnoffs good, sex is heaven,
we're the class of ²º11

peace; pot; tequila shot.

jesus loves you, stoned or not.
sex, drugs, rock&roll,
speed,  weed , birthcontrol.
life's a lady, then you die.
so fudge the world.
let's get high.
weed is a seed that grows in the ground.
if god didn't want it;
it wouldn't be found.
so be happy, smoke some pot,
jesus loves you stoned or not.
stoners live and stoners die.
but in the end we all get high.
and if at first you don't suceed..
fudge the world and smoke some weed.