Price

1 Jenna Price Mrs. Caruso ENGL 1102 5 April 2012 Final Proposal Everyone was told the titanic accidently collided with the iceberg, but Rebecca is the only one who knows that is not true. The Mysterious Sinking is derived from the actual events of the Titanic. The novel is about a middle-aged woman, Rebecca, who was on board the titanic with her husband and three kids. The collision with the iceberg was no accident and Rebeccas goal is to get the truth out into the world. She is the main character of this suspenseful novel. It is a heart racing attention getter from the very beginning. The purpose behind this novel is to provide entertainment as well as become a mystery for all of its readers. The mysterious sinking will be fiction and nonfiction all at the same time. It will pursue a fiction story by saying the Titanic purposely hit the iceberg. Almost everyone knows this is not true when speaking of the actual event. Rebecca goes on a rampage to figure out exactly why the collision was no accident. In all reality, the Titanic did accidently collide with the iceberg. Specific events will be included such as the boarding of the ship, the captains dinner and the mistreatment of lower class people which makes this novel have a nonfiction touch. The novel will give accurate details of the appearance of the Titanic, how it collided with the iceberg and this will make it somewhat nonfiction. Readers will understand in depth what exactly happened on the night of the sinking of this unsinkable ship, the real story. The movie The Titanic really inspired me to write this novel. The movie catches others attention right off the back as so will this novel. There are so many different opinions when
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:22 PM Comment [2]: Rather than including an overview of the events that will take place, take time to draw them out for the reader, allowing the reader to understand why those events are taking place, how they relate to what actually happened, and how they relate to the purpose of the novel. Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:23 PM Comment [3]: Rather than positioning this as your inspiration, position this as how the movie inspired the book. Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:19 PM Comment [1]: Work on giving transitions and combining sentences to give this paragraph a smoother read.

Price 2 speaking of the movie The Titanic. As a kid, the movie may seem somewhat scary, but as adults the movie shows love and compassion. This movie portrays itself as harsh yet romantic and peaceful. It sets a tender mood that onlookers really seem to enjoy. When the novel first came to mind, the actual events were undecided. It wasnt until later on that the decision was made to add a mysterious edge to the novel. Everyone seems to know the story behind the Titanic. It is known about worldwide. When people think of the titanic, they think of a romance that involves a famous ship that hit an iceberg. The audience seems to look past the fact of children and loving families were on board, as well. This novel will introduce the hardships that one specific lower class family deals with from the time they were on board the ship until their last few seconds. This novel will set a whole new perspective of the story behind the sinking of the titanic. Adults and families will be most interested and affected by this novel. It will be a newer more suspenseful reading compared to the original story. It is by no means a childrens novel. The story behind the Titanic will relive forever. It will constantly be a topic of conversation and that is why this story will grab many peoples attention. It is by no means a childrens novel. It will be too hard to comprehend for the younger age. The characters will consist of a mother, father and their three kids (two girls and a younger boy) with the mother being the main character. Rebecca is an awesome mother, but she worries about her family and their future to the extreme. The father, Jamie, is tall and handsome. Him and Rebecca met as kids and have had an unexplainable love for each other throughout life. Although Jamie is the most loving husband anyone could ask for, he is not much help for the Robinson family. He brings in very little income leaving Rebecca to supply for everything. The little boy, Andrew, is mentioned the most between the three children. He is grounded yet
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:26 PM Comment [5]: You repeat yourself in this paragraph and dont tend to give content for why and how these people will want to read this novel. Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:26 PM Comment [6]: Informal. Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:25 PM Comment [4]: This paragraph reads as a reflection because you include exactly how you were inspired to think of the concept. As you work to revise, take out references to how your idea evolved and take out any sentences that do not convey content. This second revision will help you throughout your paper to streamline it.

Price 3 extremely mischievous. Andrew is very sweet and small for the age of four with an innocent appearance. If it were not for Andrew, Rebecca would not have over heard the conversation between the Titanic staff and her significant other. From the time Rebeccas family boards the ship, she notices how they are being mistreated from the staff of the ship. Rebeccas husband cannot seem to get along with anyone and this is a side of Jamie that Rebecca has never seen. The family struggles with getting a room that will accommodate all of them, but they manage to do so. Rebecca knew they would be treated unfairly, but the crew took it to the extreme. Rebeccas goal is to get her and her poor family to America to start a new beginning. The first day on board the ship was not too bad, but things only went down hill from there. Jamie knew more people on board that Rebecca did not seem to recognize and that frustrated her. She felt left out. The next few days were a struggle because all Rebecca could think about was preparing to arrive at their new destination. The climax of the novel strikes when Rebecca goes on a search for her missing son. She was not too worried because there was only one place he could be and that is on the ship, or so she hoped. The ship was not too crowded considering the fact that the captains dinner was in session so she did not see any struggle in finding her son. Rebecca begins to panic and then realizes exactly where Andrew is. She was right. Standing on the edge of the captains deck stands little Andrew spying into the captains cabin. Rebecca begins to laugh to herself when she notices a figure she is very familiar with, her husband Jamie. She had no clue why Jamie would be in contact with the staff. Right before her eyes, Jamie grabs the wheel of the ship and gives it an extreme turn in the opposite direction. Suddenly, the ship shook with great strength and to Rebecca the last hour of her familys life was a blur. Rebecca is the only survivor
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:27 PM Comment [7]: Work to more closely align the historical components with what you are saying about the plot.

Price 4 between her husband and three kids. She lives to tell the story of what actually happened to the Titanic and that is where this novel comes into play. This novel shows how a true story can be transformed into a whole new story with a little imagination. Everyone wants an unexpected outcome and this is exactly what this novel is. A lot of time, dedication and thought were put into this novel and the audience will immediately notice that. This novel will be a bestseller, guaranteed.
Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:28 PM Comment [9]: Rather than coming away from the content of your proposal completely, talk about what concrete ideas the audience will enjoy. Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:32 PM Comment [10]: Jenna, It is obvious that you have thought out your plot and characters, and that you are genuinely interested in the story. As you look to revise, I would suggest that you look to what you mentioned in your memo. You still seem to have a hard time trying to figure out how to say what you have to say in the best way. What I would recommend is for you to read through your paper and change any sentence that conveys no content. If a sentence or phrase does not contribute to the movement of the piece, take it out and either move on, or replace it with something more concrete. Also, make your paragraphs work for you. Look to your purpose statement so you can continually revert back to it as you give new ideas. Im looking forward to seeing what youll revise in your portfolio! -Ms. C Beth Caruso 4/15/12 4:28 PM Comment [8]: In a proposal, youll want to tell the ending.