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16 ELUL 5772
Ed-Op
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EDITORIAL
OPINION
Satire: No Outer Space Invasion Should Interfere With President Obamas Fundraising Schedule
BY BARRY RUBIN
N.Y.C.s teachers are afraid of disciplining students. In fact, teachers are more afraid of students than students are of teachers.
The mayor has banned sugary drinks from the citys schools, but he should be fretting about more toxic substances used by students: drug and alcohol possession has doubled since 2009. The likely and wrong-headed course of action to counter this surge in violence will be more metal detectors, video cameras, security officers and a phalanx of psychologists who will try to understand why students are resorting to violence. Thats been the failing approach to the increasing violence in our schools for the past 20 years. Metal detectors have become as ubiquitous as chalkboards in our schools. But more security and more metal detectors is not the answer to controlling violence in our schools. Its a band-aid that wont stop the bloodletting. The solution lies in a word that has been removed from educators vocabulary lists: discipline. Today, due to years of civil rights lawsuits and pandering legislation, New York Citys teachers are afraid of disciplining students. In fact, teachers are more afraid of students than students are of teachers. In the not-so-distant past, when New York Citys schools were churning out future Nobel laureates, principals could expel disruptive students from the system.
Note: The following is my daydream of a New York Times editorial a few weeks hence, after the craziness regarding the hurricane and the Republican convention. It is intended to be over-the-top satire that might make you laugh. The point is, though, that things have become so totally bizarre that I wouldnt rule out something like this happening. [By the way, doesnt it seem as if Obama is running for national student body president, as if all the voters are on campuses? In a sense, I think that reflects a very real belief of him and his cohort.] Under any circumstances, the appearance of an alien attack fleet would seem to be a cause for alarm. Of course, we are not referring to good aliens, the people sneaking across our borders in the hope of getting citizenship and the ability to vote in elections not necessarily in that order. No, we are referring to the aliens from the star system of Alpha Orionis whose space ships are even now circling our planet. As everyone knows by now, the aliens have broadcast a threat that unless their demands are met within 24 hours they will start destroying one American state a day, killing all forms of life within its borders. There are those who have wrongly concluded, however, that the president should immediately cease his fund-raising activities and that the schedule of the Democratic Convention be altered. We view this as shortsighted, mainly pushed by the far-right faction that has taken over the Republican Party. There is a big difference between an alien attack that bodes ill for the survival of all Americans and a hurricane hitting the Gulf Coast. No one would suggest that the president prefers to be partying while Americans were dying horribly. Its just that doing so is his personal duty, made perhaps less onerous by the fact that some of the specific states that might be wiped out, are Arizona or Utah for example. Fund-raising and nominating conventions are a necessary part of the American political process. Consequently, these are legitimately the highest priority for a
president compared to, say, dealing with the wrecked economy, massive unemployment, inflation, the takeover of Egypt by a genocidal-oriented totalitarian regime and such relatively secondary problems. Finally, we should address the potential advantages of the destruction of America by the space invaders advanced weapons. The U.S. debt would be wiped out overnight. Since no one would be alive to look for work the unemployment rate would be zero. And we would have achieved perfect equality. As an added bonus, the United States, a country that has done so much damage in the world, would be gone and the rest of the globes people would be free to pursue their development without fear of someone stealing their resources. Well, someone other than those from Alpha Orionis at least.
We should address the potential advantages of the destruction of America by the space invaders advanced weapons. The U.S. debt would be wiped out overnight. Since no one would be alive to look for work the unemployment rate would be zero.
We do not know much about the culture or even the skin if they have skin or the gender if they have gender of the voyagers from Alpha Orionis. But we can certainly say that they are part of the universes rainbow of diversity. Who is to say that [mankind, who has] ravished this planet environmentally, is superior to these visitors? Perhaps they have ... recycling, the main [feature] of a truly advanced civilization. In short, who are we to judge? But one thing is clear: threats of the imminent destruction of America should not disrupt the presidents schedule or the Democratic Party convention. That would be truly silly.
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