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Jacqueline Chan Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English 1103 11-1-12 Tiger Mom or Soccer Mom

Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, begins her book with an infamous list that has essentially defined her position on parenting. Chua writes: Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do: Attend a sleepover Have a playdate Be in a school play Complain about not being in a school play Watch TV or play computer games Choose their own extracurricular activities Get any grade less than an A Not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama Play any instrument other than the piano or violin Not play the piano or violin. (Chua 3)

This simple list has raised inquiries throughout America as well as around the world. Many people were shocked at the level of excellence and the strict rules that she imposed on her daughters. However what many Americans do not know is that Chinese parents have always held their children to high standards. The strict methods of the traditional Chinese parents may seem

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extreme in many Western cultures, but is not for nothing. The total adult literacy rate in China is 94 percent while in America 14 percent of the population remains illiterate (China Statistics, About NAAL). The focus on overall academic achievements in Eastern cultures creates a society of innovation. However many would argue that these rules and regulations deplete children of their childhood. So which way is better? Which method is correct? First-generation Chinese parents are put right in the middle of this vicious argument. Many of them grew up with the strict parents from Mainland China and had to abide by strict rules and regulations. Some remain just as strict as the parents that raised them, but many struggle with maintaining that level of authoritarian parenting while living in a liberal Western culture. Commonly, these parents find a style that combines the strict expectations of traditional Chinese culture and the leniency of Western cultures. The main question is how do we find a balance between the two? Do we draw the line at sleepovers? At Facebook? At videogames? No one seems to have the perfect answer. The concept of acculturation can be defined as the phenomenon of two different cultures clashing and how families deal with the differing traditions that coincide with each culture. The effects of this phenomenon reach from psychological problems to acceptance in society. Many people believe that the relationship between the adherence to the standards of one culture is directly proportional to the adherence to the new. Inherently, this is a false assumption. Acculturation and adjustment into a new society must be analyzed bidimensionally, meaning that there are more than two facets to the complicated mental psyche of immigrants. Catherine Costigan and Cline Koryzma, two professors at the University of Victoria, preformed research pertaining to the acculturation of Chinese immigrants to the society of Canada. They found that higher orientation toward Canadian culture fostered more parenting success. This connection

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with their children and overall happiness occurs because these parents became more involved in Canadian society and showed a higher English proficiency rate (Costigan and Koryzma). How does this affect parenting? As parents become more involved in the culture of the area, whether it be their social environment or their physical surroundings, children benefit from the enthusiasm of the parents. A stubborn parent who refuses to accept the norms of the culture in which they have allowed for their children to grow up creates tension within the household as children absorb the mentalities and beliefs of those that teach them and socialize with them in the academic setting. The acculturation of immigrant Chinese families influences much more than just the immigrants themselves. As the daughter of two Chinese immigrants, I have found it difficult to connect with to other children that were raised in a traditionally Western family. Growing up with strict immigrant parents created an inward struggle between the traditional Chinese values that my parents hold most dear and the newfound culture of my classmates. However, the difficulties are not solely contained by language barriers and bedtime regulations. Being a first generation Chinese-American creates difficulties academically and socially. Amy Tan, author of The Joy Luck Club, mentions her relationship with her mother in an essay called Mother Tongue. Tan describes the emotions that many Asian-American students feel, which is a divide between the strict culture in which they were raised and the tolerant culture that surrounds them. She made an analogy between this disconnection and the language barriers. As a widely-renown author, Tan makes numerous speeches filled with pedagogical locution but with her mother she spoke with engrish filled with simplified syntax (Tan). This phenomenon perfectly mimics the psychological effects of being the child of immigrant Chinese parents. Finding the balance between tradition and acculturation not only challenges immigrants but also their children. The

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stereotype of strict Chinese parents who demand utmost respect and perfect academic standing is often true and strictly brought to fruition by first generation parents. The reason for these rules stems from the way Chinese culture has structured its education system and defined the template for a happy household. Amy Chua, however, has redefined this stereotype by coining the term tiger parenting. This term was coined to describe the harsh realities of Chinese parenting in America. It would condemn all Chinese mothers to a constant association with Amy Chuas book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. In her book, Chua describes the challenges of maintaining a strict household when her daughter began to rebel. Anecdotes about forcing Lulu to stand out in the harsh cold and not allowing her daughters to go the bathroom while practicing shocked many American parents. Chua received national, even international, attention for her parenting methods. In a lecture to the Commonwealth Club, Chua explains that this book was meant as a memoir and not a how-to guide. She continues to describe the challenges she has faced and the criticism she has endured in the past year (Chua, Amy Chua: Tale of a Tiger Mother). How can one womans quest in governing her family bring so much criticism? This debate simply revolved around the fact that the way she managed her daughters extra curricular activities and education is very different from the traditional Western style. Contrary to the popular belief that she only emphasizes the violin and academic success, Chua holds her daughters to high standards no matter what the activity. After her daughter Lulu quit the violin, she began playing tennis in which her mother continued to force her to practice and maintain a high level of excellence. Many seldom think of Chua as a law professor at Yale University and part-time writer. Maia Szalavitz, a writer for Time Magazine, wrote an article revealing the secret behind Chuas ability to juggle a full-time professorship, a part-time writing job, and watching over her

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daughters so meticulously: a nanny. She utilizes this attention grabber to challenge her audience to think about how, instead of debating over the ethics of Chuas parenting, this nation needs to reevaluate the childcare system put in place for those who cannot afford such luxuries. She also mentions that families that do not have the luxuries afforded by the Chua family cannot hope to follow in her footsteps (Szalavitz). Families that require that both parents work cannot hope to pay so much attention to their child education or life in general. If you thought the Tiger Mother was tough, think again. A new animal has entered the jungle: Wolf Dad. Xiao Baiyou claims that his maniacal ways have helped his children get into the most prestigious school in China: Peking University. Baiyou presents a parenting style that would be completely unacceptable in a Western culture. He has thousands of rules concerning his children that must be followed exactly. From how to hold your chopsticks to how to cover yourself with a quilt, the children of the Baiyou family have to follow their fathers seemingly irrational rules in order to avoid being beat with a feather duster on the back of the legs or on the palms. Is it ethical to view your kids as animals and raise them using Pavlovian methods? According to Baiyou, beating is completely natural. This Wolf Dad wrote: In China, beating kids is part of their upbringing. Its not violence. Its not against the law. If this kind of beating is legal, scientific, and in the interests of the kids, then fine. Im all for beating, since its effective. (qtd. in Lim) Is this the type of family that we need? Should laws be the only barriers between what can do to discipline our children and what we should do? Because of these types of parents, many relationships between traditional Chinese parents and their children are considered sparse to say the least. In the traditional household, the children are seen as lowly and are underappreciated many times. This is why parents such as Baiyou are

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able to mentally justify the way they treat their children. Jennifer Jun-Li Chen and Xiaodong Liu, both professors at Kean University, performed research pertaining to the role of parental warmth and parental punishment in the psychological stability of their children in rural China. They found that the levels of parental punishment directly correlated with childrens externalizing problems such as aggression and outward disrespect. Most of the Chinese students approved the use of physical violence to discipline children because there is a long history of physical punishment being seen as necessary and appropriate (Chen). Is this truly the method to raise successful children? And is that success worth the happiness and innocence of all these children? The challenge that plagues many first generation parents is the balance between traditional discipline and Western style. Many of them, like Amy Chua, are raised by traditional Chinese parents who take discipline and obedience extremely seriously (Chua, Amy Chua: Tale of a Tiger Mother). The question remains: do I continue the same methods that my parents used on me? Chua chose to keep true to her roots and maintain the same expectations for her daughters that were placed on her and her sisters (Amy Chua Tale of a Tiger Mother). However, as we have seen, in Western cultures this is not an acceptable method. The core of Chuas teachings was based in the traditional methods that are still being used in China today. So why is it acceptable there and not here? It is simply the cultural divide. As mentioned before, most immigrants struggle with acculturation and find it difficult to adhere to the cultural rules of Western civilization. Immigrant parents are able to maintain the traditions and expectations of their home culture because that is how they were raised and is engrained into their psyche. However, for first generation Chinese Americans, it is difficult to assimilate into American society while attempting to live up to the expectations and maintain the role of a traditional Chinese child. This internal contradiction causes a second internal debate: in which way do we

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raise our children? Most first generation parents manage to combine bits and pieces of both cultures and create their own style. However, the question that overrides all of these statistics and facts is how does this affect the children? Many mental instabilities stem from the missteps of the parents during their progenys childhood. The young are the easiest to manipulate, but they also absorb the most at this young age. At a very young age, children begin imitating the movements and behaviors of their parents without the parents ever realizing it (Popenoe). First generation Chinese parents have very little time to make the decision as to which parenting style they want to raise their child with. Many times by the time the parents have found the error in their ways, their children have already learned the initial incorrect way to deal with situations. Children will either accept the strict rules of their parents or they will see the lives of children that come from traditionally Western families and rebel against these strict regulations. As new parenting styles begin to emerge, the traditional styles become outdated and obsolete. How many times do your children tell you that that idea is so old-school? Students of all ethnic backgrounds complain about the parenting styles that were used during their lifetime as if they can never be satisfied. The challenge to find the perfect parenting method is a journey that will never end. The balance required to maintain a happy yet organized household utilizes the basic Chinese principle of Yin and Yang. As the United States becomes more and more diverse, the art of traditional strict Chinese parenting loses its sting and becomes the way of the yesteryear. The intense methods of the Wolf Dad combine with the easygoing mentalities of Western civilization to create a storm of ethical confusion and debate amongst Chinese American parents of how to raise their children. Is there ever going to be the perfect formula? Will we ever find the secret to parenting? There will always be debate as to who is right and who

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is wrong. The parenting style depends on the personality of the child as well as the parents definition of success. All parents want their children to be successful, however happiness should always come first. As Amy Chua said to the Commonwealth Club, If I had a magic button and I could just push and choose either happiness or success for my children, I would push happiness in a second. Thats a no-brainer. (Chua, Amy Chua: Tale of a Tiger Mother)

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Works Cited Chen, JJL, and XD Liu. "The Mediating Role Of Perceived Parental Warmth And Parental Punishment In The Psychological Well-Being Of Children In Rural China." Social Indicators Research 107.3 (n.d.): 483-508. Social Sciences Citation Index. Web. 6 Nov. 2012. "China." UNICEF. UNICEF, 27 Feb. 2011. Web. 07 Nov. 2012. Chua, Amy. "Amy Chua: Tale of a Tiger Mother." YouTube. The Commonwealth Club, 25 Jan. 2012. Web. 07 Nov. 2012. Chua, Amy. Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. New York: Penguin, 2011. Print. Costigan, Catherine L., and Celine M. Koryzma. "Acculturation And Adjustment Among Immigrant Chinese Parents: Mediating Role Of Parenting Efficacy." Journal Of Counseling Psychology 58.2 (2011): 183-196. ERIC. Web. 6 Nov. 2012. Lim, Louisa. "And You Thought The Tiger Mother Was Tough." NPR. NPR, 14 Dec. 2011. Web. 07 Nov. 2012. "National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL) - Demographics." National Assessment of Adult Literacy (NAAL). National Assessment of Adult Literacy, n.d. Web. 07 Nov. 2012. Popenoe, David. "We Are What We See: The Family Conditions for Modeling Values for Children." Parenthood in America. N.p., 15 Oct. 1998. Web. 07 Nov. 2012. Szalavitz, Maia. "The Tiger Nanny: The Missing Link in the Parenting Debate." Time. Time, 21 Jan. 2011. Web. 07 Nov. 2012.

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Tan, Amy. "Mother Tongue." Trans. Array College Culture, Student Success. Debra J. Anderson. 1st edition Pearson Education, Inc., 2008. 8-14. Print.