Short Fiction

Triggered Thoughts

by Frances Vazquez

Dingy and dark memories consume me at times, triggered by an image known by millions. Sparking the deep hidden dark sphere, which I try, so hard to contain, when that one place, which seemed so safe, was so far, from what I could have imagined. Recognized as Roman crucifixion or the gospel of truth but on the contrary it has caused misery for some and freedom for others. The Great Schism was the explosion. I guess that is what they call a wolf covered in sheeps clothing. It stares at me driving down on the turnpike, but I will not cry. I swear I can hold it until Im alone. I see it everywhere, understanding its purpose is to bring salvation. How can something so promising be so distorted by man? That triggered memory caused by two basic pieces of wood does not make sense. I know I was young and extremely naive and did not deserve to have it done to me. What I went through is difficult to describe on paper. I consider this an introduction. I know what it is, and I know Im not there because I have won. I have conquered, maybe not perfectly and maybe Ive hurt others and maybe I have a long way to go. Now I can finally see the end of a chapter and the beginning of a new one. At times, I want to run into my safety zone with borders that read ALONE, but my stubbornness dominates my impulses. Im learning to deal with it day by day. I remind myself, overcoming the unknown or the known is mind over matter. Sometimes your mind gets the best of you. Then one day you are back on the turnpike, and you do not see that haunting image. Instead you look over, and you witness first hand nature, trees, farms and vineyards and you cannot help but wonder; God truly does exist. Maybe one day it will disappear maybe not. I consider my trauma to be a birth mark; it will never go away but has become a unique part of me. As for the sign, it still brings that sharpness in my gut, but I have to remember what the famous William E. Henry wrote, "I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul."