11/10/97 11:24 AM A waking dream again this morning.

Intersting that there has been several consecutive dreaming memories in the lat few days since beginning to read the third of James Redfields Celestine books which emphasize the messages from the spirit received in dreams. In the latest dream I recall first being in a large fairly empty room something like a shoe store. It was a sort of retail establishment and I was buying something. A woman was attending to me. I recall a long cord stretched out all the wat accross the room - it had something to do with the business going on there and my transaction. The woman went to the back of the store and I followed, There were employeses and people standing back there. Some were smoking cigarettes and I wondered if they allowed smoking there. Then we were in a vehicle that was partly big red russ going down the highway. I think there were four or five of us. Bill was there and so was my dad. I recall that something seemed to be wrong with red and we were driving backwards down the highway at a fairly high rate of speed and I saw a vehicle approaching in the rear view mirror. I felt a collission was immanent but the vehicle pulled out and passed. We pulled into a repait shop and parked and it seemed like a familiar place since I parked in a particular place but wasnt quite sure if it was a proper place. There was confusion about the repairs and I went back to the vehicle and Bill was with me but the others were ome distance away. There was a heated discussion or perhaps even an argument about my wanting my home to my self and Bill arguing that it was not my home. We all got in and drove away with a tension quite obvious and then I woke up. Later when reviewing the dream I put it together with last nights realization about looking for help to relieve the current stand-off with Bill by asking family members and friends to help. I was standing in the garage smoking a cigarette since there is snow on the ground and light snow falling today. I recalled the dream and

wondered if there is symbology telling me something - like intelligence from the unconscious and from the spirit advising me about my path ahead. It occured to me that perhaps since my dad was the only person I am fairly sure was in my dream, that the spirit and/or unconscious is advising that I seek the sage advice of my dfad now 81 and more than wise enough to help me with this. I realized that my dad is a person who has a great resource of experience and that I seldom if ever ask him to bring his wisdom to bear to help me with the difficulties I face at times. I thought to myself that it may not be coincidence that my dad appears in a dream in which there are incidences similar to the ones I face in my everyday life. Larley there have been a number of problems with transportation. A near death slide due to a freak storm mud slide on a road in Utah. Faulty brakes. Worn tires. All are now fixed. Then there was an electrical problem and a new alternator was installed and a new voltage regulator. The problem persisted and I put in anew battery. The problem persisted and the new alternator had to be removed and repaired and now it seems those problems are solved. A couple of weeks ago a deer jumped out in front of red and was killed by the impact and it was another potentially fatal and serious road incident. Now the dooron the passenger side wont open. The low idle is too low and the engine stalls at low revs. new spark plaugs have been procured but not installed. It may be necessary to buy a new carburettor spring. The headlights do not aim right and requite adjustment. Its hard to see at night and other vehicles seem to fell that the lights are too bright. Now as I write I realize that the fact that Red was in the dream in a major way may mean to emphasize and re-iterate the message communicated by the two potentially serious road incidents that seemed to advise me that its time to make a very comncerted effort to realize and implement the dreams of freedom and of the design and construction of the seed modules of the global ec0habitat. Those near death incidents impressed on me the need to live life to the full and to reverse te tendency in the last decade to withdraw from the material sensory world into the world of psyche

for meditation and spiritual development. I also put that together with the intuitive realizations that have occured since my emancipation from slavery in April. There were a series of important realizations that culminated in one that involves a new way of looking at a pattern of desicion making I have evolved in the last decade and the core truths of Zen Buddhist teaching and other spiritual disciplines. In particular though the Zen doctrine of no mind which trains people to live naturally and to harmonize with the unconscious intelligence which advises us in the form of inner feelings similar to how we eat when hungry and sleep when tired without rational analysis and delay. I have seen that this means that after more than a decade of conscious self denial, of self enforced humiltiy and relative ascetism, the time has come to take the path revealled by trisna ( a sanskrit word that is translated as thirst. hunger, craving). I take that to mean to examine what I feel attracted to and to let myself freely move by action towards that whichg attracts me like food attracts me when hungry. No rational analysis. I have found that what attracts me is freedom and that my emancipation from corporate slavery has allowe a measure of freedom but not sufficient freedom. While in corporate slavery I was forced to spend eleven hours a day five days a week in an environment that denied me the ability to do what I feel I want according to prajna ( another Sanskrit word meaning: the transcendental wisdom that is revealled by trisna). I was also living in a place that exposed me to a lot of traffic noise and the intrusions of neighbors and both were severe limitations of my freedom of choice or shall we say they were obstacles to the natural movement of prajna. I felt unable to and prevented from moving in harmony with prajna. Then came the emancipation and in no time I found myself able to move in harmony with prajna and the result was that I found myself transported from that location to a beautiful and peaceful location right by a rushing creek and right under huge and beautiful mountain peaks in a remote high valley. There is very little traffic noise here and the neighbors are far less intrusive. Here I have lived in beauty and in nature in a pinyon forest with wild deer and birds and other animals in the yard which is a forest. I have been given the gift of harmony wth prajna and this has been very good

indeed for me and I feel much better and also feel that important truths have been learned by first hand experience. However, the fact that Bill lives in my homes and is often verbally abusive and too frequently physically abusive, means that there are limits imposed on my peace and tranquility, little privacy and sever limitations of my freedom of choice; all of this means that Bill living in my home, refusing to leave, stealing from me, stealing phone calls, privacym freedom, peace, my truck, my home, power, water, firniture etc. makes for a situation that is similar to the other obstacles that stood in the way of harmony with prajna as revealled in trisna. While still in Green River, I was afraid that if I were emancipated from corporate slavery I wmight have severe financial problems and that I might have legal problems becuase of court ordered payments. The time came when my reluctance to comply with prajna trisna was eventually swept aside and I liberated myself despite the concerns I had. I beliueve there is a lesson here as it concerns the present situation. Back in 1996, I knew that I could liberate myself at any time and I waited for signs from the unconscious and then the signs came and it took a while for me to liberate my self by essentially denying those who made a claim on me and going my own way in accord with my own trisna-prajna. In this situation with the non-consensual sharing of my home, there are similarities. I could liberate myself at any time by just driving away. I could call the sherriff and ask to have the intruder removed. I could move to another place. I dont want to give up my household goods because it would impose a severe limitation it seems and it took so much work to accumulate them and they are important to my confort and my freedom so just driving away although it I in th short term the easiest to execute is not acceptable to me. Calling the sherriff seems unlikely to be viable because Bill could just not be here and return later. There could be serious bodily harm to Bill, the officers and/or myself. Either of

these two strategies could be executed immediately and thus they have appeal for that reason. The third alternative is to give notice on this place and to move to another place or put everyhting in storage and go on the road. The obstacles are the discomfort for Bill id he has nowhere to go on the day that the rent is due. He could stay here but has no legal right since it is my name on the rental contract. That could be eased by my leaving with a week or two left paid for but I would rather not have to pay for phone and water etc and power when I no longer live here. There is also the cost and the effort involved in packing up and moving if it is to a distant place although that might be made easier by moving everything to a storage shed. As I write I realize that all told the later alternative looks like the water course way. There are still obstacles but they seem easier to overcome and get around that the the obstacles of the sherriff and the immediate evacuation alternative. Yet I have to recall that it already seems that I could go on the road for an unlimited period here if I want. Now if Bill were not living in my home would I move everything to storage? The fact is that Bill is here and it is tempting to move everything to storage and to save the $1200 plus utilities of $70 for water and sewer, $200 for power, $100 for phone, $50 for insurance, $200 pluys for the truck. All told that will come to about $2,000.00 for two months to provide a home and furnishings and transportation for Bill while I am gone for two months. I see that it makes no financila sense for me to keep the place even though it is already November 11 and that would mean if I give notice today I would have to move out on Dec 11 but that is still two months if I come back Feb 11 and the current info is I have till the end of Feb or is it Feb 1. Either way, the plan is currently to leave here on about November 23 and had Bill not been here I might have given notice on November 23, so I am already into it for about 18 days which is some $600 for Bills livlihood. Now I realize that I am in fact going on the road and leaving my stuff behind. I recall that at the time

of leraving Green River, I talked to Laini about the option of putting everything in storag and going on the road to liberate mystelf from the obstacles that have been facing me. Or the option of going to Australia seemed immanent because of Michael Downing and a job possibility. Now it seems that the options are either to give notice or to transfer the rental contract, and to put the stuff in storage or to deal with all when I get back from Oz. The second seems to be easier because it is a sort of do nothing but talk option while the latter requires moving everything to local storage as close as possible prior to Nov 23 and the discomfort of what to do and say with Bill. How much stuff to leave for him. The advantage is that in just over twelve days Id be free from this limiting and aggravating abuse. If I handle it when I get back then I have to go through the limitations on my freedom and Ill be out $2,000.00 for Bills support while I am gone. I would have to give notice at a time that gives me just enough time to store eveything when I get back or else it will be a protracted exposure to abuse and limitation and further uneccessary drains of funds. I think though that for my own peace of mind I have to have a definite plan that will give me the freedom at a foresseeable date. That is now just two days away and will continue to either late January or late February. I think I feel the needed peace of mind knowing that I will move as soon as I get back if Bill is still here. But there will have to be some arrangement for bill to pay for his own support while I am gone. 11/10/97 2:17 PM Just a few minute ago the first encounter of the day in person with Bill. Id made a seconf cup of cofee and was stirring in sugar when I hear the side door from the garage open. Bill seemed sullen. Hes been saying lately that he is irritable and I think suggested that a long series of intense cluster head-aches may

have something to do with it along with lack of sleep and insomnia complicated by my getting up earlier since I return from Pagosa Springs. We spoke for just a few minutes and I went into the garage to smoke a cigarette and sip my hot coffee. When I returned a few minutes later Bill was still standing in the kitchen. I put away some video tapes recorded from the satellite system free and then went to the toilet to urinate. After that I took out the trimmer and trimmed my beard and moustache, When I came back Bill was upstairs again. On the way back from Alamnosa on Saturday I said that he knows what I want and that I need a committment from him if he intends to get involved in the ATI ecohabitat art work project. I said that things need to happen and there has to be action. That I need something to hope for. Bill suggested that when we get home we spend some time chatting. That evening I set a fire and had been uncomfortable hanging around for the chat Bill had suggested. We talked and after quite a while Bill suggested that we chat tomorrow and indirectly indicated he may have a headache coming and was tired. On Sunday there was no talk at all about a chat and no chat took place. I again felt decieved and manipulated and the hope began again to wane. Today still no reference to the chat he suggested. The way I see it; I have made it clear and plane that I want and hope for solitary habitation because of the freedom I need to do as I want and freedom from scrutiny, distraction and limited of privacy. I stressed the need for collaborative effort on Saturday believing that if there is a direction and effort made together toward the goal of my freedom and a livlihood for Bill that doesnt require him going to prison or the undesirable dependence on his father or family. The way I see it; I have the wherewithal right now to escape to the freedom that attracts me and if I set out on my own, Bill will be left to his own devices and from what he says that means he will have to go live with his father or sister/s or else go to jail - he has never explained why he would go to jail, what the charge is or why he was released in 1988. The only reason then for collaborative effort is to make it more convenient for Bill. It requires a delay for me and is not really in my personal and individual interst although I have made it clear Id be willing to endure some but not much more compromize of my personal and

individual interests to help Bill find an alternative to his father, sisters or jail for a place to live. Under these facts and circumstances I feel it is for Bill to take the initiative he he wants computer training of a chat about the future and what he can do to assist in the Ati project and to get some money coming in to fund the needed change of habitation and normal living expenses for furniturem transportation, houshold goods, rent, untilites, gasoline etc. It appears to me that Bill will let it slide to gain the window of the time Ill be gone which stretches out until Fenruary as it looks now three months or more. Three months to use my car, to have my home to himself, to use the phone and charge calls to me, to have heat and power and water and sewer that I pay for, to have my computer and my satellite TV system. I wish I had three months of that to look forward too. Three months in a home in the miuntains in a beautiful quiet place in a remote wild area, with a car to drive, a phone to use, a state of the art computer, a satellite TV system, money for gasoline, free utilties, free rent, a furnished and well equiped house with a well stocked fridge and freezer and a heap of video tapes and music cds, a good stereo and firepace with free wood. Sounds like heaven to me and this is probably what Bill is envisioning - a treat that I am not able to look forward too. It all seems so unfair and unjust. Bill gets to enjoy what he has denied me for four years and I get to pay out $2,000 of my hard earned savings from the hard years at FMC. I dont think that I can do that without some very pronounced committment o a specified level of earnings and at least an equal time in my own home alone when I return. There were two weeks in Las Vegas. Then Two days in Pagosa and a day in South Fork. Now there will be another five days in LV then another eighty or ninety days in Australia. That comes to a total of approx 100 days. Since Bill gets the 100 free of charge and everything paid for I feel that I need compensation for that and that looks like 200

days to me. That is nearly six months. The first 100 days has to come immediately if I am to pay the bills while away. If not then I must store my things but for a bare minimum and turn over reposnsibility for payments to Bill while im gone. I need thise two things in order to leave my stuff here and to pay the bills. I need a committment to earn $2,000 while Im gone and I need an immediate 100 days alone in my home and another 100 down the road. Id even be prepared to spilt the first 100 up with first of at least thirty days and the rest later. Now I am satori-izing the rare opportunity presented here for freedom. It is certainly meant to be. The satori is a vision of giving notice and putting my stuff in storage when Laini is here and then getting out of this aggravating situation although it seems that the freedom I am attracted to may not be in Australia. The signs are that it may well be. The blues hideaway. Yet even there I doubt anyone will be paying my utility bills and providing me with a vehicle, gas money, a fully equipt house with a great stereo and TV system and great selection of video tapes and cds as well as a free phone and stocked freezer etc. This is a vision of acting for freedom now nd moreson in just two days. Why would I give up this opportunity in order to make it easy for Bill to avoid the unpleasantness of going to live with his father or sisters or going to jail. Only becuase I have already envisioned that my road to freedom probably requires freedom for Bill to and there is no freedom for him at his fathers. his sisters or in jail. It has to be somewhere else and I think it is here in the Baca Grande. Maybe a house to sit or rent.