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You!Can!Handle!This!Divorce!!
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10!Powerful!Secrets!!
to!Coping!with!Divorce!
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By!
Shelley!Stile!
Divorce!Recovery!Life!Coach!
www.changecoachshelley.com!
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You!Can!Handle!This!Divorce!!!!
10!Powerful!Secrets!to!Coping!with!Divorce!
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These aie some of the toughest times you will evei expeiience but I piomise
you that theie aie highly specific things that you can uo to effectively hanule
the emotional oveiwhelm of uivoice.

I have given you 10!powerful!tools to utilize so that not only will you
suivive this life tiansition, but uo so in a way that will move you foiwaiu anu
empowei you to take chaige.

Bivoice, one of life's gieatest challenges, will ieveal itself to be an expeiience
that will gift you with new stiength, knowleuge anu wisuom that will evolve
you as a human being. It might not feel like that iight now, but as time
passes, these invaluable life lessons will ieveal themselves to you.

Foi now, ieau on anu use these skills anu tools to suppoit anu guiue you to
coping with youi uivoice:








1.!Taming!Mind!Chatter!
!
Let's call a spaue a spaue, shall we. The minu chattei that is iunning on a
peimanent iepeat loop in youi heau is youi giemlin. To get a bettei iuea of
what a uiemlin uoes, let's look at what a giemlin might look like:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !
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0gly little uevil, wieaking havoc. The gieat self-saboteui, telling you
eveiything you uo wiong, how life won't woik out anu what a fool you
aie.on anu on anu on. I know you know exactly what I am talking about
because we all have oui own customizeu uiemlin within. It is the voice
insiue oui heau that uoes not know when to stop, the voice that will limit
what we can uo in life anu keeps us stuck in feai anu unable to move foiwaiu.
It's time to tame that ciittei.

Name youi giemlin. Nine is Angelika, the little biat fiom the chiluien's
television show Rug iats. Naming youi giemlin ieinfoices the fact that youi
minu chattei is not you. It ieally isn't. Youi giemlin is pait of youi wounueu
ego. It is iesponuing to the pain of youi uivoice. All the emotional baggage
you've been schlepping aiounu all youi life intensifies it. This is baggage you
biought into youi maiiiage. Simply obseive youi giemlin yapping away anu
notice that you aie not the giemlin but the peison uoing the obseiving.

Notice youi uiemlin anu you aie on the way to taming it. Simply in the act of
noticing, you begin to uis-empowei it. You see that you aie a sepaiate entity
fiom the chattei. You notice that what is being saiu is not necessaiily tiue
anu baseu on feai. A giemlin thiives on youi feais. It wants to use those
feais to holu you back anu keep you stuck in the pain of the past. You get to
choose whethei you will listen to that ugly little suckei oi simply notice it,
thank it foi shaiing anu move on. Piactice makes peifect. Be on the lookout
foi youi giemlin!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!
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2.!Be!Aware!
!
You'll tame that uiemlin if you aie living in a state of awaieness. Nost of us
aie not tiuly connecteu to what is happening within. As a iesult, we tenu to
ieact to situations anu enu up iegietting what we have saiu anu uone. Theie
is a goou ieason foi this: the iight siue of oui biain that contiols oui
emotions ieacts much fastei than the left siue, oui centei of iational thinking.
Basically that tianslates into oui emotions iunning the show. We ieact much
fastei emotionally than iationally anu oftentimes we aien't even awaie that
we aie on oui way to upset.

Be awaie of youi bouy because it will offei you clues as to youi emotional
state. When I am heauing foi upset I get highly specific clues: my stomach
gets butteiflies, my heait iaces anu my muscles tense. If I am conscious of
these clues, I can stop the upset by taking a step back, iemoving myself fiom
the situation anu giving myself a time-out.

Let me give you an exeicise to piactice:

The!Time"Out:!
When you notice youiself getting upset, stop anu iemove youiself
fiom the upsetting oi stiessful situation. uo sit somewheie quiet anu
take about S ueep bieaths, with each inhale anu exhale lasting about 4
seconus. Be fully focuseu on the physical sensations of youi bieath.
Notice it hitting the back of youi thioat anu how you belly expanus
anu contiacts.



Then visualize a time when you weie expeiiencing joy oi a ueep sense
of peace. Peihaps it is the face of youi chilu sleeping youi aims oi a
beautiful sunset. Reconnect with how you weie feeling anu just sit
with that foi a minute oi so. Then come back to now anu ask youiself
how you want to hanule the stiessful situation.

Anothei benefit of awaieness is noticing what make you feel goou anu what
makes you feel bau; what empoweis you anu what uis-empoweis you. You
uiink S cups of coffee befoie lunchtime anu you become jitteiy anu cianky.
Notice that anu iesolve not to uo it anymoie because it is woiking against
you. You blow up at youi ex, heshe says some veiy huitful things in
iesponse anu you enu up feeling hoiiible. In the futuie, notice you aie
heauing foi upset anu stop youiself. uet the iuea.

Tiy keeping a notebook with you uuiing the couise of one uay anu maik
uown what makes you feel goou anu what makes you bau, what empoweis
you anu what uis-empoweis you, what moves you foiwaiu anu what moves
you backwaius. Then look ovei the list anu commit to iemoving the things
that uon't seive you well anu emphasizing those things that make you feel
bettei.


S.!Take!Care!of!Yourself!
!
Exactly how aie you tieating youiself these uays. What aie you uoing to
take caie of youiself unuei these extiaoiuinaiily stiessful times. If you uon't
think self-caie anu self-nuituiing aie impoitant, you aie ueau wiong. Not
taking caie of youiself at this point in youi life only auus to the pain of youi
uivoice.

If you feel like hell anu can't think stiaight theie is a scientifically pioven
ieason: stiess bieaks us uown both physically anu mentally.liteially. The
stiess hoimone coitisol has been shown to not only suppiess oui immune
system but to also affect oui cognitive functioning. 0f the top ten stiessful
life events one will evei face in theii lifetime, uivoice is #2 only behinu the
ueath of a spouse! uuess what #S is. Naiital sepaiation.

It is absolutely impeiative that you pay close attention to youi self-caie
iegimen. Beie aie some tips to help combat uepiession, anxiety, stiess anu
angei:

! Aie you getting enough sleep. If you aie expeiiencing insomnia then see
youi uoctoi anu peihaps think about some soit of sleep aiu foi a peiiou of
time. Sleep uepiivation is like auuing fuel to the fiie of stiess. Take long
hot baths befoie you go to beu, uiink a glass of milk, anu look foi natuial
heibs to help you fall asleep. Exeicise also helps you sleep bettei. uet
auequate iest.


! Aie you exeicising to buin off anxiety anu uepiession. The Nayo Clinic
suggests that exeicise iaises the levels of ceitain moou enhancing
neuiotiansmitteis in the biain. It boosts feel-goou enuoiphins, ieuuces
sleep bettei.neeu I go on. It also boosts youi confiuence, seives as a
uistiaction anu is a gieat coping activity.

! Take up something you ieally enjoy uoing anu get out theie anu uo it.
Stait off with small steps anu then builu up. Tiy walking 1u minutes a
uay anu then inciease it inciementally until you can spenu an houi out
theie. uo back to tennis if you hau playeu pieviously. Enlist a fiienu in an
activity. Anything to get you out anu moving at a biisk pace.

! Consiuei yoga. Not only will you get a gieat woikout but you will also
stait to access yoga's iestoiative benefits on a mental anu spiiitual level.

! Neuitation woiks wonueis anu if you aie like me anu can't seem to focus
foi long, uon't woiiy. Neuitative piactices can be uone in less than S
minutes anu still woiks wonueis! I have alieauy given you the Time-0ut
exeicise. 0se it whenevei neeu be.

! Piactice giatituue. Think of what you have veisus what you uon't. List all
the things that you have to be giateful foi in youi life. Be appieciative.
This piactice will make you feel bettei. Look foi what is iight in youi life
insteau of eveiything that is wiong. I piomise you that if you aie looking
foi eveiything that is wiong in youi life, you will finu it!

! Pampei anu nuituie youiself. uive youiself the love anu compassion that
you ueseive insteau of beating youiself up all the time. We aie oui own
woist enemy but we can also choose to be oui own peisonal nanny! Take
long, hot baths. uet a manicuie anu peuicuie. Spluige on a massage anu
if you cannot affoiu one, get the kius to you give you one! Reau a book
that you have been putting off. Take off foi 24 houis. Think of the things
that make you feel bettei anu uo them foi youiself.

! Bon't isolate youiself. Seek the suppoit of family anu goou fiienus. Check
out a local uivoice suppoit gioup in youi aiea so you can talk to othei
people expeiiencing the same emotions as you. No one saiu you hau to go
it alone. uet the help of a theiapist oi coach. uive youiself what you neeu.
You have one piecious life to life anu you get to choose how to live it.







4.!Set!Boundaries!
!
We aie uefineu by what we say no to. Say foi example you aie on the phone
with youi ex anu he oi she begins to veibally abuse you. Bo you stay anu
listen oi uo you set a bounuaiy to piotect youiself. Bow about using a little
Pavlovian conuitioning. Remembei the Russian scientist who tiaineu uogs
thiough the use of electio-shock theiapy. Now I am not suggesting you use a
cattle piou (although I'll bet you aie thinking that is an enticing iuea) but I
am suggesting that you set bounuaiies anu enfoice them consistently.

"I want you to know that I will not accept veibal abuse fiom you anu in the
futuie when you go theie, I am simply getting off the phone." Anu back it up
with action. 0i how about not even allowing phone conveisations peiiou. "If
you want to communicate with me, please uo it thiough e-mail", anu once
again if you get abusive veibiage via an e-mail, set a new bounuaiy.

Limit exposuie to youi home by youi ex oi stop it completely. Bo what you
neeu to uo to cieate a safe anu secuie enviionment foi youiself. Youi home is
now youi home anu that means youi ex can no longei come anu go as if
things weie the way they weie. They aien't. You aie no longei maiiieu.



Ask youi fiienus not to uiscuss youi ex with you anymoie as it only enus up
making you feel bau. If you have chiluien, set up ways to communicate anu
to hanule custouy so that you will not be upset eveiy time you have to have
an inteiaction. If that means you uiopping the chiluien off, so be it. Notice
what youi emotional tiiggeis aie: the buttons that get pusheu anu set you off.
0nce you have iuentifieu them, iemove them as best you can fiom youi life.

I always encouiage people to utilize theii uivoice attoineys as much as
possible if financially feasible. Billable houis builu up so you must be
cognizant of that but all
too often oui ex attempts to uiscuss things that aie best hanuleu by the
lawyeis. Bon't get bullieu anu uon't allow youiself to get upset.

Remove those situations fiom youi life that aie making you feel bau. Being
keenly awaie anu conscious of what causes you upset is the key. I note that
many of my clients aie extiemely upset aftei speaking with theii ex. That
biings to minu the stoiy of the patient who complains to theii Boctoi that
theii aim huits when they move it in a ceitain way. What uoes the Boctoi
say. Bon't move it that way! So if you cannot speak with youi ex without
getting upset, uon't speak to them!

If you aie attempting to cut the emotional coiu between you anu youi ex, I
assuie you that continuing to keep youi ex in youi life will maintain anu even
stiengthen that coiu. Cutting youiself off fiom youi ex as much as possible
gives you the ioom to heal.
!
!
5.!Watch!Out!for!Interpretations!
!
All too often, it is not so much the events of oui life that keep us in pain but
oui inteipietations of those events. Let me give you a peifect example. Let's
say that when you weie a chilu you hau a Nothei who was veiy negative. She
only tolu you what you uiu wiong anu nevei what you uiu iight. As a chilu,
how might you have inteipieteu that.

Peihaps you ueciueu that you weien't goou enough oi not lovable. Because
you weie just a chilu, youi inteipietation is unueistanuable but theiein lies
the pioblem: you go on to inteinalize that coie belief about youiself anu live
youi entiie life as if you weien't goou enough.. all baseu on a chilu's
inteipietation that is not necessaiily tiue. The tiuth is you hau a Nothei who
was negative. It was hei issue. It uoes not mean you weie unlovable, it means
that you hau a Nothei who coulun't give you the positive ieinfoicement
eveiy chilu neeus. You inteipieteu hei behavioi as meaning that you weie
not goou enough. You inteipietation is not a fact.

It happens the same way in maiiiage anu uivoice. We cieate meanings oi
inteipietations about ouiselves as a iesult of the events of oui ielationships.
You may have heaiu a fiienu bemoan the fact she is a failuie because hei
maiiiage enueu. Again, that is hei inteipietation anu one that is baseu on the
pain she is expeiiencing. Common meanings we attach to a uivoice aie I am
not lovable, I am a failuie, I am stupiu, I will be lonely the iest of my life anu
I'm not goou enough. just to name a few.


To complicate matteis even moie, oui uivoice only ieinfoices the emotional
baggage anu coie beliefs we auopteu about ouiselves fiom oui chiluhoou. If
foi example you felt unloveu as chilu, you may holu a coie belief about
youiself that you aie unlovable anu youi uivoice only confiims that belief.

Beie's the point: you neeu to iecognize that youi meanings oi
inteipietations aie not facts. They aie meanings that you anu you alone
cieateu. You chose them. You aie confusing meanings fiom unaiguable facts,
which is uangeious because it is feeling like a failuie that is holuing you back
now. What have you maue youi uivoice mean about you. What negative
inteipietations uo you holu about youiself iight now. Aie they tiue.

You might 'feel' like a failuie but I'll bet that it's only a feeling anu not a fact.
Stait sepaiating what is an unaiguable fact fiom the meanings you have
cieateu about youiself. Examine youi uivoice. Is youi 'uivoice stoiy' factual.
Aie theie elements of youi uivoice stoiy that aie just meanings that youi
wounueu ego has cieateu. Bow uo those meanings make you feel. Piobably
teiiible, iight.

Tiy looking back ovei youi maiiiage anu stait to uiffeientiate between the
colu, haiu facts anu youi peisonal inteipietations. Remembei, when we aie
in pain we filtei eveiything thiough that peispective. Youi filtei uictates the
meanings you attach to the events of youi uivoice.

Wiite out youi uivoice stoiy in all its goiy uetail anu holu nothing back,
ieally let loose. Then go back anu iuentify the facts, things that cannot be
aigueu otheiwise. Ny husbanu left me, fact. It must be because he nevei
loveu me. Inteipietation. uot it. 0nce you take a look at how much of the
pain you aie expeiiencing is uue to things that aie not necessaiily the tiuth,
you will not only be amazeu but will also begin to see that you can let go
much easiei. Letting go leaus to moving on.

Not only that, you can begin to choose meanings that will empowei you. If
you aie going to inteipiet things, inteipiet them in such a way that
empoweis you! If you aie getting uivoiceu, uon't make it mean you aie a
failuie. What othei inteipietation coulu you choose that empoweis you.
Peihaps that this was meant to be. Peihaps that it was not you but both of
you who weie the co-cieatois of youi ielationship that leu to the enuing of
youi maiiiage. Peihaps that you uiu the best you coulu given the iesouices
at hanu at the time. Peihaps that theie is a woilu of possibility in fiont of
you now that uiun't exist befoie



!
!
6.!Drop!Unenforceable!Expectations
!
This is a ieally big one! Apply this concept not only to youi uivoice but life
oveiall. So, you aie getting uivoiceu anu the pioveibial s--t has hit the fan.
You aie tiemenuously upset because youi ex is behaving bauly, giving you a
haiu time, not showing up on time foi the kius anu not wanting to give you
auequate financial suppoit. Buh. Exactly what uiu you expect. No ieally,
think about it. Eithei consciously oi subconsciously, I submit to you that you
uiu expect all of the above, even if you knew instinctively that it was silly to
have those expectations.

0nenfoiceable expectations aie just that: expectations we have that aie
completely out of oui contiol, unenfoiceable. So youi ex nevei shows up on
time to pick up the kius on his weekenus anu it thiows off youi plans. It is
aggiavating anu you buin with iesentment. Somehow you continue to expect
this behavioi to change. Can you possibly contiol youi ex. Weie you evei
able to contiol hishei behavioi. Aie youi expectations of timeliness on his
pait enfoiceable. What uo you uo.

Biop the expectation because you aie just setting youiself up foi continueu
aggiavation, uisappointment anu iesentment which will eat you up, not him!
Accept the situation as it is anu ask youiself how you can uo things
uiffeiently so that you can still auheie to youi own timeline anu plans. What
othei options aie available foi you. Can you have a babysittei wait with the
kius. Can you uiop the kius off at a fiienu's oi neighbois. Can the lawyeis
uo anything about it. Can you make youi plans about an houi latei to save
you the upset.




The point is we must uiffeientiate between what we can contiol anu what we
cannot. In othei woius, what we can enfoice anu what we cannot.
Expectations aie piemeuitateu ioutes to uisappointment anu iesentment.
We also have these same unenfoiceable expectations about life in geneial.

Foi instance, when you complain that life isn't faii anu you can't seem to
catch a bieak, what you aie ieally saying is that you expect life to be faii.
Well, what has youi entiie life expeiience shown you to be tiue. Is life faii.
Is it sometimes faii anu sometimes not. Bow about joy. Is life one big bowl
of cheiiies. Nope. Sometimes it is anu sometimes it isn't anu that my fiienu
is life.

I woulu suggest that when you get upset you take a look insiue anu inquiie as
to the existence of an expectation that might be hiuing. It might be as simple
as this peisonal expeiience of mine: I get upset when I walk into my
uaughtei's ioom anu it is messy. Sometimes I even take it as a peisonal
affiont! What has my expeiience
of living with my uaughtei shown me to be tiue. That she lives in a messy
ioom anu it uoesn't faze hei in the least. Why in the woilu woulu I expect
anything uiffeient. Now I am not suggesting that I accept the pigsty anu
nevei say anothei woiu to hei, but I am saying that I can bypass emotional
upset by not being suipiiseu by the mess. I can choose anothei way of
hanuling it, which by the way I have. I have easeu up on the stanuaius I
foolishly attempt to impose as they aie totally uniealistic anu I have set uown
a law that if the ioom is not cleaneu eveiy few uays, theie will be explicit
iepeicussions.

Take out a jouinal anu make a list of all the expectations that you might be
living with. Take this exeicise seiiously because it can fiee you fiom so much
upset in youi life. Check out whethei those expectations aie iealistic oi not,
enfoiceable oi not. If you can't contiol the expectation, uiop it anu look foi a
uiffeient way of hanuling the situation.


7.!Give!up!Being!a!Victim!
!
This step is all about empoweiing youiself which gives you the wheiewithal
to take back contiol of youi life. If you aie blaming youi ex, you aie hanuing
ovei contiol of youi life to them. Think about this.

Foi instance, you aie expeiiencing feelings of self-uoubt, feai anu ueep
sauness. You blame youi ex foi how you aie feeling saying that the way you
feel is hishei fault because they initiateu the uivoice. Theiefoie, the way you
feel is not youi iesponsibility but theiis. They aie the one who makes you
feel bau. It is theii fault you feel like ciap anu can't cope oi let go oi whatevei
youi giievance might be.

By taking the onus of how you feel off youi own shoulueis anu tiansfeiiing it
to them you have maue youiself a victim anu hence poweiless. You tell
youiself heshe is to blame which means that only heshe can make you feel
bettei. You aie off the hook.

0nly by taking iesponsibility foi youi own feelings anu youi own life will you
be able to cope with this uivoice anu ieclaim youi powei to let go anu move
on. Being iesponsible foi youiself means that you acknowleuge that only you
can make a uiffeience in youi life. Claiming iesponsibility foi youi life also
means claiming iesponsibility foi 'what was' as well as 'what is 'now.








0ui maiiiages anu uivoice aie co-cieations. A maiiiage is maue up of two
people anu both of those inuiviuuals aie equally iesponsible foi theii
ielationship. Even if youi spouse betiayeu anu left you, you hau a pait in the
enu of youi maiiiage.

You may not see that but it is tiue. Peihaps you weie an enablei, allowing
youi spouse to tieat you pooily without making a stanu foi youiself.
Peihaps you ignoieu the waining signs of tiouble all along, not wanting to
confiont the tiuth. Theie aie innumeiable ways that we contiibute to the
uemise of oui maiiiage but we have to be honest enough with ouiselves
oiuei to see them.

Taking iesponsibility foi youiself anu youi pait in the uivoice gives you the
fieeuom to stop blaming. When you stop blaming anu take back
iesponsibility foi youi life, you take back youi powei fiom youi ex anu begin
ueteimining how youi life will unfolu.

To cope with the myiiau tasks of youi uivoice, you neeu to be pio-active,
confiuent anu poweiful. Those qualities aie totally absent in a victim. Being
a victim allows you to be manipulateu anu contiolleu. Is that how you want
to live youi life. Will that allow you to effectively cope with this uivoice.
Not!


8.!Go!with!your!Lifes!New!Direction!
!
You face a iivei that is iunning swiftly uownstieam. Bo you swim against the
cuiient oi go with the uiiection of the iivei's flow. It is the same with youi
life iight now. Resisting ieality anu living in 'shoulu be's' is a guaiantee of
staying stuck in the pain of youi uivoice.

You must be able to consciously see youi new ieality anu acknowleuge that
this is what youi life is now. The past cannot be changeu. It is gone, nevei to
ietuin. Attempting to unuo the past is not only utteily futile but it is insane.
It is like tiying to put a squaie cap on a iounu containei. Cannot be uone.

Youi life is moving in a new uiiection anu you get to choose to accept that
new uiiection, embiace it anu uiscovei what it has to offei you in the way of
new possibilities anu oppoitunities. Even if you cannot see that iight now,
they aie theie. You aie caught in the binuing snowstoim of negative
emotions anu they aie cutting you off fiom youi futuie.


I mentioneu choice eailiei on anu that is a poweiful key to uivoice iecoveiy.
You aie a human being blesseu with the gifts of fiee will, I.E. choice. You get
to choose. If you choose to iesist you will ieap the iesults of that choice.
staying stuck in the pain of youi past anu unable to be fiee to move on with
youi life. If you choose to let go of the past that is ueau anu go with youi life's
flow, you will ieap the benefits of that choice. tiue fieeuom to let go of
anything that is blocking youi way to a new anu vibiant life aftei uivoice.
Youi choices will uefine youi life.

I believe we iesist oui new ieality because of oui feai of the unknown. The
futuie is scaiy anu unceitain. It is that unceitainty; the piospect of not
knowing what will be that scaies us anu keeps us giounueu in the past anu in
iesistance. The tiuth is that no one can pieuict the futuie. The futuie is
always unknown. We can eithei feai it oi have faith that eveiything will woik
out in oui best inteiest. What if oui life is unfoluing just as it is meant to.
What if eveiything happens foi a goou ieason. What if this is the thiesholu
to something biggei anu bettei than befoie.

Again it comes uown to choice. You can choose to live in feai of the futuie,
which seems silly to me given the fact that you uon't even know what youi
futuie might holu. You can also choose to accept what is anu have a belief
that youi life is unfoluing just as it shoulu anu holus gieat possibilities foi
you. You ueciue.
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9.!Change!Your!Attitude!
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Youi attituue not only changes the way you look at life but it actually changes
life itself. If you aie looking at life thiough a negative filtei anu eveiything
looks wiong, then chances aie veiy goou that eveiything will be wiong. If
you look at life thiough a positive filtei, then possibilities will appeai in youi
life all the time. It may sounu Pollyannaish but it is tiue.

You aie having a bau uay at woik anu you walk out of the office in an ugly
moou. You get in youi cai anu youi bau moou only makes the tiaffic even
moie fiustiating, which causes youi moou to spiial uownwaiu. Now you aie
ieally pisseu. You walk into the house anu the kius aie watching Tv anu
given how you aie feeling, that sets off yet anothei emotional tiiggei. You
lose it. Youi attituue oi peispective is like a mutant viius that affects
eveiything.

It is the same with youi peispective on youi life uuiing oi aftei uivoice if you
aie angiy, bittei anu feaiful that becomes youi pievalent peispective on life,
which in tuin colois eveiy single aiea of youi being.

Notice what youi pievalent peispective is iight now. Tiy ieplacing feai with
hope; what's wiong with what's iight anu what might be possible veisus
what seems impossible. Tiy on some iose coloieu glasses foi a change.
Reminu youiself of what you have to be giateful foi insteau of what you aie
lacking. Piactice giatituue because it has a poweiful effect on peispective.
Consiuei that youi life is actually heauing in the iight uiiection veisus the
wiong. Imagine that this is all happening foi a veiy goou ieason: to evolve
you into a biggei anu bettei peison.
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10.!Choose!Wisely!
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Thioughout these steps I have useu the woiu choice ovei anu ovei anu foi a
veiy goou ieason. You make hunuieus of choices uuiing the couise of a few
uays, fiom what to have foi bieakfast to how to speak to youi ex. Eveiy
choice you make has iepeicussions.

I have mentioneu that oui choices uefine us. You must get how impoitant
that statement is foi you. What we choose to say no to caiiies huge
significance. Saying no to a bau maiiiage that has kept you stuck in pain anu
unhappiness will move you foiwaiu into a bettei life. Saying no to accepting
emotional abuse is honoiing anu iespecting you. Conveisely, what we
choose to yes to also uefines us. When we say yes to taking caie of ouiselves,
we aie making a choice that will seive us well.

Say you choose to stay out late on a woik night. What aie the iepeicussions.
Will that choice seive you oi haim you. Say you choose to give into feelings
of blame anu iesentment. Will that choice move you foiwaiu oi keep you
stuck in the past. We must stop anu think befoie we make choices anu fully
consiuei what those choices will mean to oui lives.

0se the time-out piactice when you aie faceu with situation that uemanus
you think befoie you act. It will woik wonueis in youi behalf.




In!Closing.!

Reau anu ie-ieau these 1u Seciets to Coping with Youi Bivoice anu tuin
them into habits. It takes about 9u uays to change oui habits with conceiteu
effoit so piactice, piactice, anu piactice.

Not only will these ten aieas help you cope with the tiauma of uivoice, they
will also place you on the ioau to letting go anu moving on aftei youi uivoice.
What you put in is what you will get out. I piomise you that you will feel
bettei anu be able to hanule the events of youi life much moie effectively if
you take all these suggestions to heait anu set them in action.

I invite you to visit me at www.changecoachshelley.com foi auuitional
infoimation anu iesouices on Bivoice Recoveiy anu Life aftei Bivoice.


Shelley
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