Is

There a Window in Heaven, Daddy?

Written by my father, John Mossman Published in a small Christian magazine in 1972 When the doctors said there wouldnt be too much time left, I sat down with my three older children and explained to them their mother had cancer since the summer before last and thats why she had been in and out of the hospital several times. She might die, I said, and it might be any day now. But if she does, God will take her to heaven where she will no longer be sick and the same God who will take all of the pain and problems from your mother will take care of us, too. I assured the children that we could stay together and continue on as a family just as we had in the past. We recalled the fun times wed had like the time when we left school for a vacation in a motor home to Mississippi. The question of how to handle Susie, our three year old, came up. We said we would have to love her in the same way their mother loved the other three when they were her age. I couldnt help but slip in the idea that I hoped they would find fewer times to fight with each other. Then we prayed together and I returned to Joans bedside at the hospital. The day came when I drove away from the hospital for the last time. Joan had died a few hours earlier, fifteen months after we discovered the lump in her breast. I drove through traffic quickly, toward the junior high to pick up Brian; then over to the elementary school for David and Courtney. Susie was home with our housekeeper. As I drove, memories raced through my mindJoan had been in the hospital three times in the past five weeks and we both knew she was losing the battle with cancer. But with the combination of pain, medication and partial paralysis of her face, we were unable to discuss what the future would mean. Thirteen years of marriage, four children, and all the typical problems of family living had culminated in a love relationship in those last days that words cannot describe. Joan and I had seen our lives change dramatically in the last year as we discovered individually the messages of the Bible. We turned our lives over to Christ and placed our family and ourselves in His hands. Every day brought something more to be thankful for. God answered so many prayers for us surely He would continue to lead me through the next few hours with the kids. I sensed that their attitude would be, All right Dad, we trust you to be honest and if you believe God will take care of us, so do we. After I parked at the junior high, I sent up a prayer that God would help me control my emotions for the kids sake. I walked in the direction Brian would be coming from remembering how I relied on him all year, far beyond his eleven years. Many times he had cared for his brother and sisters while I visited Joan. He greeted me with the usual, Hi Dad, whats up?

 I told I told him his mother had passed away. Then, with my arm around Brians shoulder, we went to get David and Courtney. Later, we all strained for something to say that would ease the desire to start sobbing. Amidst the sniffling I told them we had to go home and tell Susie. They had a few questions like: Were you there, Dad? Yes. What was it like? Just like going to sleep then she stopped breathing. Will there be a funeral? Yes, and all the relatives will be here soon. At home I sat down, with Susie on my lap, in the front room with my other three children and my wifes mother. Susie lived in the world of right now. Her fresh, honest immediateness became the catalyst that buoyed the family spirits almost immediately after I began explaining to her about her mothers death. Susie, your mother dies today and she is now in heaven with God. Can I see her? No, honey, she is in heaven now, not like at the hospital where we can visit her. Are you going to see her? No, honey, not any more. Is she at another hospital? No, and I wont be going to the hospital again. Some other day? No, she is in heaven now and we cant see her. Is there a window in heaven, Daddy? (The last time Susie had seen her mother was through the window of the hospital.) We couldnt help but smile. Little Susie had relieved the tension with simple directness. A new mood began to prevail with the children and I didnt want to lose it, so I suggested we go out to lunch. Prayers were already being answered my composure was still holding, although there were several major problems that kept my mind occupied. Susie wasnt old enough to handle a graveside service, so I arranged for her to stay home. Neither Joan nor I believed in an open casket, so I made arrangements that no one would be permitted to view her without my permission. I got the three older kids together and told them we could have an open casket if they wanted, and we discussed what a body was and how hers might look. I reminded them of what their mother had been like her love, laughter, desires for us, attitudes. These were what she would want us to remember and none of them would be apparent in her body, so I thought. I had asked our pastor not to attempt an emotional service, but to talk primarily to the children. On the way back to the car, Brian said, She looked pretty, Dad. Thanks for letting us come.

 That evening we held a memorial service and this time included Susie. After the service I asked the kids what they thought of it. Mom would have been happy, one said. And she would have been proud of them too as I sent them down to dress for the service. Without a fight they dressed neatly in their best clothes for a change! The next morning, rather than awkwardly staying at home, we went to the beach. We spent the next four days together talking about what had happened, where we had been, where we were going, and what our new responsibilities would be Courtney, then nine, announced that from then on she would correct me when I left a mess or didnt dress right. Just like Mom had to, she said. I added that I knew nothing about combing a girls hair. Soon the kids were looking forward to returning to school and I had visions of undone work at the office. Yet, through this experience , I remember most of all Susies question, Is there a window in heaven, Daddy? I believe there is. Through the hearts of young children like Susie is a view God allows us to share. __________________________________ John Mossman and his four children, Brian, Courtney, David and Susie, live in Yorba Linda, California.