soul searching

By Maureen Eykelenboom
Maureen eykelenbooM lives in Comox, B.C. and continues to be a regular contributor to Island Gals Magazine, because Maureens story needs to be heard. On August 11, 2006, Maureens youngest son Andrew was killed by a 17-year-old suicide bomber while in Afghanistan, serving his country as a medic with our Canadian Armed Forces. andrew (booMer) was 23 years old. Boomers Legacy was founded the day after Andrew was killed, to honour his memory and continue his service. Please visit the Boomers Legacy website for more information on Maureens continued efforts to Help our soldiers Help otHers.

A few months ago, I promised Johanna (Island Gals publisher) that I would put on paper some of my inner thoughts, those things that Johanna and I have shared as we sipped on coffee. I would sometimes pour my heart out to her. We would talk about how priorities have changed, my friendships have changed and my relationship with my husband & sons changed actually almost everything in my life transformed itself. How much of this was due to the fact that I was in a grief state and how much was just the normal growth of a woman, now well into her fifties.

Where has the time gone?

he despair and horror of losing your youngest son is not something that you get over. You learn to cope at first and eventually you learn to live again. It takes time and for us it has been over six years now. I cannot comprehend that it has been that long since I last hugged Andrew. Some days it feels like last week. As I write this, I am sitting at the kitchen table in the home of my eldest son Steven and his wife Shannon. They live on a farm just south of Grande Prairie. As I look out the window, I see Andrews 4x4 Toyota truck, with its roll bars and big tires. Somehow I think that Andrew is smiling down on Steven who keeps his truck in good running order, something that Andrew had difficulty doing. Andrew would have loved it here, especially with his new niece, one month old Ayla, and his two year old nephew Koen. It is so peaceful here, especially at naptime.

This past year I have done a lot of soul searching, a lot of work trying to figure out who I am and what defines me? What do I want to define me? I wonder, do we all ask ourselves these questions at some point? Have you? When Andrew was killed I poured myself into Boomers Legacy, so determined to make something good come out of this horror that we were living. It consumed me. I could barely have a conversation with anyone without bringing up something about Andrew or the Legacy. I remember one day being out with friends just a few months after Andrew was killed. The conversation was so mundane to me, the problems of what colour paint to chose for a bedroom, to the fact that one of their manicurist was going on holidays and what would they do without her. I could not wait to leave. I wanted to scream.

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What about those in this world who have nothing. What about our military that are putting their lives on the line. What about doing something that will make a lasting difference. I now understand that even though from my point of view, their topics were not important to me, they were to those women at that time. My patience for what I would consider trivial was nil and that was not necessarily fair to others. It was equally difficult to be around me. I get that now. It has taken all of these six years to begin to come to an understanding of who I am. I have changed for the better, according to my family and friends. It is through the trials and tragedies of life that we grow and learn. When something terrible happens we have a choice; do we let it make us bitter, turn our countenance into an I cant deal with this loss and just turn inward? Or do we make a choice to rise above our situation. This world is not perfect, that should not be a surprise to any of us. Life is not fair and we do not understand the why. What I do understand is that when the rubber hit the road and the thought of living without Andrew was unbearable, Christ was there, holding out His hand and saying, come and find rest in me. Andrew knew where he was headed when he died; his last words to a fellow medic were Hey buddy, someday I want to hang out in Heaven with you, you know what you have to do, what are you waiting for? Faith is walking to the edge of all that you have and then taking one more step. It has been through my faith that I have been able to perservere, to continue on with Boomers Legacy and Helping Our Soldiers Help Others. So who am I? A determined mother who is making a difference, who has learned to have more acceptance of others, a woman who loves her husband, children and grandchildren and has made them a priority once again. I love to laugh, to have fun, I am not afraid to cry or to try something new. I have compassion, I have hope and I care. I love to travel and I am trying to love to cycle. A woman who has been blessed to have a son named Andrew, who gave his all and left this world a better place because he was in it. He taught me a lot in his 23 years. I am a human doing who is learning how to be a better human being. I am a woman who has come to a place of wellness and has learned to life live fully once again, one who is now into her lifelong journey of learning that it is okay to just be. What defines you? When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. Viktor Frankl

Helping Our Soldiers Help Others

www.boomerslegacy.ca

an evening with Maureen Eykelenboom

(founder of Boomers Legacy)

is proud to present:

uest speaker Maureen Eykelenboom will speak about how her life changed the day her youngest son Andrew, in Afghanistan as a medic with the Canadian Armed Forces, was killed by a 17 year old suicide bomber. Through Boomers Legacy, the organization she founded in her sons name to help soldiers help others, she has touched many lives both locally and around the world.

November 22, 2012 7:30 PM

University Club, West Campus Way, University of Victoria

Admission by donation to Boomers Legacy

(suggested minimum donation: $10.00)

Limited seats available Reserve your place by contacting: zontavictoria@yahoo.ca For more information: zontavictoria.org
Helping Our Soldiers Help Others

www.boomerslegacy.ca

ISLANDgals.ca

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