Nice & Nasty SMS

To knw cels serial no type *#06#; To know modl no & code no typ *#9999#; To knw Hardware version typ *#8888#; These r commn 4 all GSM fones. All cell usrs shuld b knw ths. Why did Lord Sivan & Parvathi could not complete the computer course? Because, their Son Ganapathi ran away with mouse. ha...ha..ha.. A,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,_,_,_,_,_,_,_,_,_,_,_,u,v,w,x,y,z. What r u looking for? I kicked all those who were between U and I. V gathered in a large hall, an angel asked us 2 write down our sins b4 going 2 heaven, b4 i could start writing mine, i heared u shouting : EXTRA PAPER PLEASE. Golden words in life - Never Cry For Anybody Bcoz The Person 4 Whom U r Crying Never deserves Ur Tear... And Who Really Deserves It... Will Never Let U Cry. Speak less to people whom you love most... Because if they cant understand your silence.. They can never understand your words... Good friends are like a pair of scissors joint together often, moving in opposite direction, yet punishing whoever comes in beteween.... I want 2share EVRYTHING with U, Your SADNESS.. ur HAPPY MOMENTS..., Evry single SECON OF THE DAY.... Lets START with your BANK ACCOUNT Whats d fastest thing on earth? Bullet? nah... Sound? not quite... Light? almost... Ans: PRAYER coz it reaches GOD even b4 U say it... Birth is the START OF LIFE Beauty is the ART OF LIFE Love is the PART OF LIFE Death is the LAST OF LIFE But Friendship is the HEART OF LIFE Life is short, LIVE IT; Love is rare, GRAB IT; Anger is bad, DUMP IT; Fear is awful, FACE IT; Memories are sweet, CHERISH IT; I am Cute, ACCEPT IT... Pagal iravai theduthu. Iravu pagalai theduthu.Vandu malarai theduthu. Nathi kadalai theduthu. Athellam sari Unnai ean police theduthu? Dont Expect anything from life, expectations hurt. When u dont expect, every moment, everything is a suprise n every surprise brings hapiness with it...

Never search your happiness in others which will make you feel ALONE. But search it in yourself, you will fel hapy even if you are left ALONE... Punch Dialogue: Love pannura ponnum, Namma use pannura cellum money illena outgoing cut. All about college...... College Life: Shock, Chairman: Thiruda Thiruda, Trustees: Ali Babavum 40 Thirudargalum, Principal: Malabar Police, HOD: Pidhamagan, Staffs: Padikkadhavan, College Campus: Ciraichalai, Attenders: Nanae Raja Nanae Mandiri, T&P Cell: Indru Poi Nallai Va..., College Bus: Sundara Travels, Canteen: Marma Desam... Reporter: Today is TIGER awareness day what is ur message? To improve al over... Sardarji: In all fasion shows we have to contest TIGER WALK... ah..ah..ah... Softly the leaves of memory fall, Slowly ill gater n pick them all, Bcz 2day 2moro n till my life is through, ill always cherish having A FRIEND LIKE U. In life don think d pain u went thru bt d lessons it taught u, nt hw much u cried bt hw much u smild, nt hw much u wer hurtd bt hw much u wer loved. Sardar claims cash fom insurance company for his burnt house. The firm says it wont pay cash but will rebuild the house, same size and shape. Sardar upset: If thats your policy cancel my wifes insurance! Vijayakanth: dai naama andha tv mela case poodanum; thondan: edhukku captain... Vijayakanth: naama katchi aarambichatha velayaattu cheydhiyel pooturukaanda... Husband: Yei, yennadi ithu. Sambarla katthiri kaai mulusu mulusa kedakkuthu.... Wife: theriyatha ungalukku... Ithu than ARINTHUM ARIYAMALUM kulambu Friends are amazing when they are new, they are wonderful when they are true. But do you know they are a blessing when they are like you. There are 6 Billion people around d world. I dont know y i msg u? may be bcoz... 5,999,999,999 cant replace a Chweet FRIEND like U...! Those who joyfully leave everything in GODS HAND will eventually see GODS HAND in EVERYTHING. Worry ends where FAITH begins... The person who hates U thinks abt U double the times the person who loves U, so never mind its hate or love be proud that U are remembered...

Valuing Friendship is not by seeing each other everyday... Nt by msgng or by calling...! Whats more important is in our busy lives, we REMEMBER EACH OTHER. Each moment of ur life is a picture which u had never seen B4 & which u will never see again so enjoy & live & make each moment beautiful! Satyam theateral Ajith padam, Devi theaterla Vijay padam, A;nert thaterla Vikram padam, Police Stationla Unnoda padam... Ayyo Ayyo Ore Thamasu po.... Two sardarji is looking at Egyptian mummy. Sar1: Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sar2: Aaho, truck number is also written... BC-1760!!. When god creates a person, he gives a heart inside every person, but he gave me a person inside my heart... Thats u my dear friend... The value of tears is never understood when theres always someone to wipe it for you, wishing you to always stay unaware of pain and tears... One day RAVANAN went to a disco but when he was about to enter, he fainted bcoz of shock. Why?? Bcoz d entry fees was Rs.2000 per head... World is a Theatre. Our life is a Movie. God is the Director. Nature is the Producer. U r the Hero..., Enjoy Life Wenever you share the goodness in your heart, you always end up winning hearts because life is an echo. It gives back what you have given...! A single Candle can illuminate an entire room! But a sweet friend like U can lightup an entire Lifetime Thanks 4 d brite Lightsf Frenship When tension creeps into ur mind, just close ur eyes, think of me & see ur fingers, Ul find my fingers clutched into urs... to say, Dont worry im with U! Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes sun shines, sometimes rain pours. But dont forget, it takes both sun and rain to make a RAINBOW. Enjoy Life. Friends are like a Best CALCULATOR. They Help 2 Add JOB, Minus FEAR, Multiply HAPPINESS & Divide GRIEF. Thanks 4 Being my Calculator... Friendship is a silent gift of nature.. more old, more strong, more deep, more clear, more warm, less words but more understanding.. Its the best feeling in the world ven i say hai to u r sms to u bcoz i know atleast i crossed ur mind for 1 second.

Sweet in ur speech, clean in ur heart, peace in ur eyes, strenght in ur hands but why clay in ur head? If anyone talked about ur smile or beauty just kill them how dare they fool you. Never blame a day in ur life. gud days give u joy, bad days give u experience. Both re essential in life. Have a nice day. Cricket playerkkum Collage Figerukkum Enna Vithiyasam? Cricket player Batala Adippar. But Collage Figer BATAvala Adikkum... Kitkat says to dairymilk i think we are the sweetest people on earth, dairymilk rpls wait uve not seen the person reading this SMS. Next time it rains, try and catch a few drops in your hands. The drops you catch is the amount you like me & the drops you dont is the amount i like you... Successful persons can never b defeated by problems. They become masters of d situation & defeat d probles Day by Day week ends... Week by Week month ends... Month by Month year ends... But Friendship never ends. My friendship is like an onion, which has many layers in it, it will add taste to your life, but if you try to cut it, you will have tears in your eyes. U will be a ROSE for all TREES... U will be a SMILE for all FACES... U will be a WATER FALL for all HILLS... U will be a BROTHER for all beautiful GIRLS. This day will be Amazing, Blazing, Colorful, Delightful, Exhuberant, Fancy, Gorgeous, Holy, Immaculate, Joyful, Klassic, Lasting, Massive, Naughty, Oxyrich, Plush, Quenchy, Rustic, Superb, Tempful, Ultimate, Velvety, Wonderful, Xcellent, Yankee, Zappy For you... If I have just 1day tolive.. i will spend my 23 hours with U & spend the last 1 hour to search SOMEONE to take care of you my DEAR FRIEND... When a man opens the door of his car for his wife. you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is. LIFE is a Rope that Swings us through HOPE, Always believe Today is much Better than Yesterday & Tomorrow will be Best than Today! So just Go on & on. Time is like a river... u cant step on d same water Twice coz d flow dt has passed vl nvr pass u again. Cherish erery moment of ur life...

Life is an echo, it all come back to YOU. The good , the bad, the false and the true. So give to the world the best u have and the best will come back to U If i was a tear, i want to be born in your eyes, live on your checks n die on your lips... but if u were my tear, i would never cry b coz i never wanna lose u... Love & friend are walking in a village. Love falls into a well why? bcoz love is blind... friend also jumps inside why? friend will do anything 4 love... Friendship is a one time investment & a lifetime of REWARDS. Love the heart which hurt u, but dont hurt the heart which love u. attraction happens many times, love happens sometimes, marriage may happen one time, but a good friend like u, happens once in a lifetime A person who truly loves u, is someone who sees the pain in ur eyes while EVERYONE ELSE still belives in the smile on ur face... Somebody once asked god What surprises u most, about Mankind? God replied... They lose their health to make money and then, lose their money to restore their health. By thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present.. Such that, they live neither for the present nor for the future. They live as if they will never die and they die, as if they had never lived... Wish u a quality LIFE!! 10 Speakers cant equal 1 thinker. 10 thinkers cant equal 1 planner. 100 planners cant equal 1 worker. 100 workers cant equal 1 performer. BE A PERFORMER Life is difficult, full of trials, sorrow, pain, but if you fall down, just stand up straight, be confident & say... WHICH STUPID PUSHED ME??!! Hav U heard abt a men who throw his mother-in-law in a pond of crocodiles?

Hes now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to crocodiles! U stole my memories i xcuse U! U stole my laugh i xcuse u! U stole my heart i x cuse u! But this is 2 much dear... Return my Purse!! How many 24 hours services worked in India 1. Central Railway 2. BBC 3. Internet 4. KSRTC 5. Telephones 6. Hospitals 7. Police Stations 8. A.T.M. 9. Airlines 10. My SMS... Boy: Uve got a nice slippers babe. Girl: If u say d same thing again my slippers will come 2 my hand. Boy: even ur skirt is beautiful... Happies man is 1 whose daughters photograph is in femina cover, son on india today, girlfrnd on Filmfare & WIFE on

missing column of newspaper! A wife is like TV everytime open it, Same programme is benig retelecasted. A GIRL FRIEND is like internet. every time U log on, U see new sites... Your girl friend is a Smart, Intelligent, Sweet, Talented, Exceptional, Remarkable, in short form she is your S.I.S.T.E.R. No Quality + No Style Laloo, No Quality but Style Sonia, Quality but No Style Vajpai, Quality + Style = Guess Ur right press down to see his name & no. Donkey... Donkey... You Papa..

No SMS... Why Papa... Remove Ur Sim.. Quick Papa... Break Ur Cell.. Ha.. Ha.. Ha.. Do u remembered the day v traveled in a car? I put my dog out of the window. u put ur face out, then people started shouting TWINS TWINS EARTH may stop ROTATING; BIRTDS may stop FLYING; CANDLES may stop MELTING; FISHES may stop SWIMMING; HEART may stop BEATING; But Ur brain wl nvr START Working. Do u know what is TSUNAME? TSUNAME is a MAMI which takes everybody to the SAMI. After returning from a foreign trip, a sardar asked his wife: Do i look like a foreigner? Wife: No! Y? Sardar: In London a lady asked me r u a foreigner? Bale le! Dark were those days, without ur sight, When i was in darkness U gave me light, U gave me strength

2 make life bright, Thank u so much, MY DEAR TUBELITE!! When u pass beside me, my heart beats increases thousand times more than the regular beats, do you know why? Its very natural when a devil cross. Why do students fail in Exams? Bcoz 8 Hrs. of Sleep each day cause = 122 days 365 122 = 243 Summer holidays = 61 days 243 61 = 182 Sundays in a year = 52 days 182 52 = 130 Festival Holidays = 40 days 130 40 = 90 3 Hrs. of daily of routine = 46 days 90 46 = 44 Dasara Holidays = 15 days 44 15 = 29 1 Hour Chatting per day = 15 days 29 15 = 14 Sickness days per year = 10 days 14 10 = 4 Film time per year = 3 days 43=1 Remaining 1 day is my happy birthday Idha sonna yenna muttal endru solluranga!

Girl: When i was singing, someone threw a slipper on me. Boy: Did you stop singing? Girl: No. What could i do with one slipper? I sang till he threw another slipper. Hi, I need a girl to marry.... age no bar... colour no bar... height no bar.... caste no bar... but... girls father must have a own BAR... Unlike others, your brain is a masterpiece. It is divided into 2 parts left & right. In left nothing is right & in right nothing is left! My punch dialogue Valkaila yar first beach ku poragaradu mukkiamila lastla yar thirumbi varangarathu than mukkiyam. What at happens when driver and conductor sleep inside a running bus? If the conductor sleeps, nobody gets ticket. If the driver sleeps, everybody gets ticket. A jasmine is always a jasmine either its in flower case or in d dustbin. Same way u r always my friend either u r in dental hospital or in mental hospital. Define love : It is a word which has two vowels, two constants and two fools.

Look at the ocean & see Gods abundance! Look at the sky & see Gods glory Look at the moon & see Gods wonder! Look at the mirror & see Gods Blunder!! The past is not in ur Hand........ The future is not in ur Hand....... But At present the mobile Is in ur hand so, Mariyathaya ennaku sms anupunga To live a happy life stay away from 4 coats 1, White Coat (Doctor) 2, Black Coat (Advocate) 3, Khaki Coat (Police) 4, Petty Coat (Girls)... Today having a small car or a small phone is fashion... One day will come when having a small brain is fashion. On that day, my friend, u will be a legend.

Thought for the DAY : Be a boy of trigger. Dont dream about figgure. Figgure will make you a begger. Begger cannot get a figure.... Its a Simple Mind touching Interactive Long lasting Effect which Wins heart... Its ur sweet(?) SMILE. Keep Smiling. Start a new day.... with a clean HEART, free from hatred. No worry, no fear, no shadow of LONELINESS! Nobody teaches sun to rise, fish to swim, bird to fly, plant to grow, child to cry, and nobody teaches heart to choose a friend like U, it just happens.... If u dont mind

If u dont feel bad plz give me A AK A KI A KIS A KISSAN Jam bottle. Friendship is like the relations between the hand and the eyes. Its like when the hand gets hurt the eye cries and when the eye cries the hand wipes its tears. Winter comes again & again, Summer comes again & again, but persons like you never comes again & again because God never make mistakes again & again...... I am not rich but I have a rich heart, I am not smart but I have a smart mind. I am not always right but I am not wrong in choosing you as my friend.. If someone asks me What is friendship I would sit next to you, pull you close to me put my arms around you and proudly say this is friendship DREAMS visit us when we are asleep. But commitment wakes us up each day and gives us every chance to make our DREAMS com true! Have a fantastic day. Look Outside Its so

Pleasant Sun Smiling For You! Trees Dancing For You! Birds Singing For You! Because, I asked them all to wish you GOOD MORNING 10 messages 4 you 1 Hi! 2 Hello 3 I miss U 4 How r U? 5 Hope Ur fine

6 Keep smiling 7 Take care 8 God Bless U 9 Be happy 10 Sorry wrong number #;-----------------;# This is a bridge of friendship, When U r sad & lonely cross it. Il wait on the other side & if U r afraid just tell me Il cross it for U Our Friendship is a crossed cheque of Rs.HAPPINESS/- When U feel upset & alone, withdraw it from my a/c. When U r too happy, deposit it in my a/c. Friendship is not a two way road, it is a one way road by 2 people Hand in Hand. It U ever need a hand.. Im there Friendship is not a two way road, it is

a one way road by two people Hand in Hand. It U ever need a hand.. Im there Nobody can stop Me. Ill send you SMS till, My death? Your death? World exist? Oxygen available? Sathyama illa. SMSku charge panra varaithan! Life is Like a MOVIE If U r sad

DRAMA If U r afraid SUSPENSE If U r angry ACTION When U Look in the mirror HORROR Now U r smiling Thats COMEDY Deepavali is lightful Pongal is sweetful Holi is colourful. But Friendship Is Powerful Lets prove it! Get Me one KINGFISHER FULL A lover say, Ill be with u in all ur troubles but a good friend says Ull have no troubles when Im with u and that is ME. Never stop yr smile even u r sad bcoz u never know who is falling in love with yr smile, for d world u may be someone but for someone u may be d world.

Be careful to whom u give ur heart, coz when u give ur heart to someone, ur not only giving that person the right to love u, but also the power to hurt u! Friendship is collection of heart, Ready To Give share & understd. It Never fads & never ends, It only remind us life is nt perfect without a friend. Kiss is key to start sex from top floor. If u pass then go to 2nd floor to play basketball. If pass then go to ground floor to play GOLF. Arasan Andru Kolvan. Deivam Nindru Kollum. Sankarachariar Aal vaithu Kollvar. Naan Msg anuppiye Kolven.

Neenga Msg anupama Kolringa. Puthusu Saamy Puthusu Bachelor Life Highway; Marriage Life Oneway ; Joined Family Life Traffic Jam. So drive ur Life safely.. Have a Great & Successful Life ! I Want to say Sumthing Important Dont Think Bad Please Promise I am Afraid To Tel Its

Already Late No way I should Now tel U . My Dog want to say this to ur Dog plz pass the mes. Count our FRIENDSHIP by the FLOWERS, Never by the leaves that FALL I MISS YOU Flowers die Stories end Songs fade Memories r 4gotten All things come 2 an end. But special people like u always remain in heart 4ever GOOD MORNING. No space for new messages But theres always a space in my HEART 4 a SWEET FRIEND like U. Love is not only made for lovers; its also for friends who love each other better than lovers!! When God leads U to the edge of a cliff, trust Him & let go. Only 1 or 2 things will happen; 1 He will catch U when U fall, 2 He will teach U how to fly!

Today I searched my purse, it was empty, I checked my pockets, I found a few coins, When I searched my heart, I found your love & realised how rich I am. Some say Always remember me, Some say Never forget me, While I say Never forget to remember me and never remember to forget me. U may Have. Someone In ur Mind Someone In ur Heart Someone In ur Dreams Someone In ur Life But I am Someone When U have No one

A new light called Morning emerges thru hours of Darkness, to remind us of new Challenges, new Hopes & a fresh start for Success! Good Morning. I may not be a clock that may text u 24hrs a day but my heart will be like a clock that will not stop caring & saying U r always remembered. Take Care Troubles are like a washing machine, they twist & knock us around, but in the end we come out brighter & better than before. Have a great day. Love is not to find the one U can live with, it is to find the one U cannot live without. Live a life full of love so that others may love the life U live. The year is going to change. The revolution has already changed. Changes are constant. Please change your underwear atleast now Beauty doesnt make Love but Love makes Beauty, Break everything but never break a Heart, The heart is like Music, Play it but Dont play with it.. Conducting a Blood Test on U. Testing Testing Testing Testing Testing Testing Testing Finished. Result : No Blood Found! All Honey No wonder ur so sweet ! Smile in pleasure, smile in pain, smile when trouble pours like a rain smile when someone hurts you, SMILE BECAUSE SOMEONE STILL loves you

Dreams give rise 2 hope Hope inspires efforts. Effort results in success. So dreams r root of success. Let al ur dreams turn success. Good Morning. Have a successful day. Little Keys Can Open Big Locks. Simple Words Can Express Great Thoughts. I Hope My Simple Wish Can Make Your Day Great. Good Morning...! Have a Nice Day! Age of Drinks: 1 to 16 Milk, 17 to 22 Horlicks, 23 to 28 Beer, 29 to 40 Oldmonk, 41 to 60 Tonic After 60 ONLY ONE TIME MILK WITH RICE IN THE MOUTH. F : Field of Luv R : Root of Joy I : Island of God E : End of Sorrow N : Name of Hope D : Door of Undrstndng

Thats what u r, my _______ F.R.I.E.N.D. When life changes & we go our separate ways. U still be in my heart til my dying days. Im not lying dis is ture, Da world is Jealousy coz they have never, seen a frnd like u If I give u a dozen roses & u ask why there are no thorns, I would just smile, show my bleeding hands & say, I took them away so a frnd like u wont get hurt :#: A FRIEND # is like (o) a ( ) guitar you have to keep tuning one in a while to keep the melody of friendship alive!. Ill Take Bricks &

write I MISS U on each of dem & throw dem on ur head 2 make u undrstand how much it hurt when I MISS U

For Breathing I need a Heart. For a Heart I need Love. For Love I need Hapiness. For Happiness I need a Good Friend. For a Good Friend I need U. I sent my cares to the wind & asked the wind to pass them to U. When u feel the wind blowing against ur face, thats me Saying Take care Past is Experience! Present is Experiment! Future is Expectation! Use ur experience in ur experiment to achiever ur expectation!

Heart to heart, though miles apart, my love towards u will never depart-Urs ever luvin frnd. When im not messaging u, it doesnt mean that Ive forgotten u, im just giving u time to miss me. Husband and wife are like two tyres of a vehicle Even if one punctures, the vehicle cant move further. So intelligent man always carry a stepney with them!! G et up O pen ur eyes O ut of ur bed D ay has risen M erry life O ld dreams cum ture R ise $ shine N ew plans I deas of life N ice future G OOD DAY for U. Idi iditchathan Mazhai. Sooriyan Uditchathan Kizakku. Cake irundhathan Christmas. Karumbu Sappittathan Pongal. Naa Siritchathan Deepavali. Nee Kulitchathan NEW YEAR.

Evrything is finsd btween US. Ill never cum again in ur life. GUD BYE & Wish U Gud Luck. Urs faithfully.

UR 2004 PAIN & SORROWS wish a Happy New Year. Dreams give rise 2 hope Hope inspires efforts Effort results in Success. So dreams r root of Success. Let al ur dreams turn Success. Good Morning. Troubles As light as Air, Love As deep as The Ocean, Relations As solid as Diamonds, Success

As bright as Gold, These wishes 4 u & ur family for this NEW YEAR. Have My HEART That Never BREAK, Have My SMILE That Never FADE, Have My TOUCH That Never Hurt, Have My FRIENDSHIP That Never End. Morning Is a Wonderful Opportunity 2 Pray 2 Love 2 Care 2 Smile And to Thank GOD for all blessings we received. The Night Is Over. New

Morning Is Born! As I Greet U Good Morning May Your Day Be Filled With GODS LOVE, HAVE A NICE DAY. 1 day I read smoking is bad I stoped smoking 1 day I read drinking is day I stopped drinking 1 day I read friendship is bad.. I stopped reading. B-egin ur day with L-ove in ur heart E-xpect blessings S-hare goodness S-hine like d sun I-nspire some 1 N-ever 4get that

G-OD is with u all Time!. A gem quote.. You cant make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your WORTH People often complain what a small world weve got..but me..id rather have it small to have u than have it so big to have missed knowing some1 like u! A CUP OF ADVICE :- Love your friends and not their sisters. Love your sisters and not their FRIENDS. Let every day b a Dream U can touch Let everyday b a Love U can feel Let everyday b a Reason 2 live coz LIFE is indeed BEauTiFUL! If u like me or hate me, both is advantageous to me. Because, if u like me, Ill be in ur heart & if u hate me, Ill be in ur mind. Fact of Life: More often than not, we fall in Love with a person we can never have & sometimes the one we truly Love remains either a friend or a stranger Friends R 4eVer eVen when U don send me sms,

u wil alaways b in my (v) | _ | v || EART. Morning Is a Wonderful Opportunity 2 Pray 2 Love 2 Care 2 Smile And to Thank GOD for all blessings we received. GOOD MORNING Classic rejection lines of women. 1. Let us be friends 2. I am sorry i have a boy friend 3. I am not interested in you 4. I am planning to pursue higher studies 5. My dad is a hitler... When u get such answers from a woman, its time to move out from her. Issued in public interest of innocent Guys. When u were born, it was Raining heavily... do u know y?... bcos the skiy was crying for losing a cute sweet smart LOVING star to earth. Good friends r difficult 2 find especially... SOMEONE... as SWEET as ORIGINAL as FUNNY &

as CUTE ( ) ( ) ( - .- ) () () as me, how lucky ur. u can buy gifts but not love. u can pretend 2 smile but not be happy. u can lie to others but not to urself. u can have FRIENDS but not as SWEET as ME. A RELAXED mind A PEACEFUL soul A JOYFUL spirit A HEALTHY body & A heart full of LOVE. All of these are my wishes for u today & always. Blue be the sky above u, Smooth be the path ahead u, Love be the breeze around u, may all happiness surround u.. Good Morning. My phone loves it when u sms: Its little face lights up, bursts into beeps & has ur name written all over it. I think u should sms more often, i think it likes u!

Lif without ur sms is tea w/o decation coffee w/o caffein bread w/o butter egg w/o onion candy w/o sugar chickn w/o spice icecrem w/o ice U w/o ME! Sum frnds r separatd by TIME, sum

by DFFRNCES, sum by DSTANCE, sum by PRIDE. By no matr hw far ur & hw bsy we mayb, Ul alwys b a SPCL frnd 2 ME.. Good Morning No one has traveled d road of success without over crossing d streets of failure. GOD never promised us easy journy in life, HE only promisd a safe journey. Have a Safest Journey. Sender: Funny & Relaxed Sender: Cool & Sincere Sender: Nice, Kind, Frndly Sender: Can be Trusted

Sender: Sweet, Adorable Sender: Yes u r right... Its Life ends when u stop dreaming. Love ends when u stop believing. Hope ends when u stop hearing, so.. Live, Hope n Love... Life is beautiful. GOOD MORNING Certain Friends Touch Ur Heart & U Cant Stop Thinking About Them.. That is The Kind Of Friend U Are.. Far Yet So Near.. Simple Yet So Precious... GOOD MORNING Birth was not our choice, Death wil not b our choice, but the way we live

our life is our choice absolutely ours... so enjoy it..... Good Nite... A sweet quotation, Love is a gitf.. If u receive it, try and appreciate it.. If not, dont worry, Someone is still wrapping it for U. F-R-I-E-N-D-S are like balloons; once u let them go, u can never bring them back. thats Y il tie u tight in my H-E-A-R-T!

Take care my FRIEND!. Friendship is like a rubber band, it is too flexible, How much ever you want you can stretch it, but when you leave it, it pains a lot... Really a lot.. Love is beautiful.. Because its a feeling controlled by the Heart. But friendship is very very beautiful because its a feeling that controls the Heart itself. The Best School Is Life.. The Best Teacher Is Experience.. The Best Book Is Nature.. The Best Temple Is Heart.. The Best FRIEND IS YOU and only U...!. Every Second God remembers you. Every Minute God Bless U Every Hour God Cares for U Because... Every

Day I Pray God to take care of U. Have A Good Morning Keep the smile, leave the tear. Think of joy, forget the fear. Hold the laugh, leave the pain. Be joyous... And be my friend for ever. Hate, but Love more. Order, but Agree more. Talk, but Listen more. Punish, but 4give more. Then people will Love u sure. Try it... GOOD MORNING I TRUST U is a better compliment than I LOVE U. Bcoz u may not always trust d person u luv but u can always luv d person whom u trust.. Hai moon! Dim Ur Light... Hello Wind! Breeze Soft..

Hai Flower! Blossom Slowly.. Hello Earth! Spin Gently.. Coz, My Friend Is Going 2 Sleep! Good Night. No one is born happy.. But all of us are born with the ability to create happiness.. So today, make others happy.. Flash your sweetest smile! Good Morning... Friendship is a promise made in the heart... Silent... Unwritten... Unbreakable by distance.... Unchangeable by time. Take Care dear FRIEND As Long A V Have Memories, YESTERDAY REMAINS: As Long As V Have Hope, TOMORROW AWAITS: As Long As V Have Frndship, EACH DAY IS NEVER A WASTE TAKE CARE Words

begin with... A B C Numbers begin with.. 1 2 3 Music begin with.. sa re ga But FRINDSHIP begin with.. You & Me Friends are special treasures of dheart they make u feel loved, needed &

secured its often not said but felt. My phone loves it when u sms: its little face lights up, bursts into beeps & has ur name written all over it. I think u should sms more often, I think it likes u! Sum frnds r separated by TME, sum by DFFRNCES, sum by DSTANCE, sum by PRIDE. Bt no matr hw far ur & hw bsy we mayb, UL alwys b a

SPCL frnd 2 ME.. Gud nite. As precious as u are to me, As precious no one can ever be, I know all friends are hard to choose, But you are the one I NEVER WANT TO LOSE Welcome the new evening with a Smile on ur Face, Love in yr Heart & Good Thoughts in ur Mind & U will have a Wonderful Day 24 sweet hrs make 1 sweet day! 7 sweet days make 1 sweet week! 4 sweet week make 1 sweet month! but 1 sweet person like u makes my life sweet. Good Morning Shores never meet but share the same ocean. The moon & stars could not be one but are in one sky. Friends dont meet often but never stop being friends! Sweet Things are easy to Buy Sweet Words are easy to Say But Sweet People like YOU are very difficult to find.. May ur whole life be as Sweet as U A smile is the lighting system of the face, cooling system of head, heating system of heart & booting system of mind. SO KEEP SMILING ALWAYS. May ur Salty Days B Peppered Wid Spicy luv May u Bask in

Lemon Sunshine Play On Strawbery Fields Under A Vanilla Sky In Short Hav A YUMMY Evening. Never ignore a person who loves u, cares for u n misses u, because 1 Day u may wake up from ur sleep n realise tat u have lost a diamond while collecting stones When you are Counting all ur FRIENDS - the Oldest, - the Best & - the Sweetest I wud like 2 stand By ur side & Murmur 2 little Words: ME TOO Watever Happens 2 ur day

just relax & manage to make a smile. Life is not a Problem 2b Solved But A Gift 2b enjoyed. Make Everyday Ur best day! I C U When I close my Eyes. If god ever decides 2 take u away from me Then I Will Pray 2 God 2 CLOSE MY EYES FOREVER, So dat I can CU 4ever!!! There is no oil, if olives are not squeezed No wine, if grapes are not pressed No perfume, if flowers are not crushed If you feel any pressure in

life today??? Dont worry God is just bringing out the best in you!! Stay happy! Good Morning Cherish the person u really like. Never tell lies or attempt to hurt them bcoz u wont know how important they are until they are out of ur life. The only Wealth I have Are the People Around Me That I Really Call Friends & you are 1 of them. Pls stay With me So that People Will know How rich I am Flowers are many but rose is special... Lovers are many but love is special Days are many but Sundays are special Friends are many but you are special! To love someone is natural instinct. To be loved by someone is LUCK. To live with someone you love is ACHIVEMENT. To live with someone who loves you is LIFE

God gives us two gifts One is chance and another is choice. Chance to have friends and choice to select people like you. To understand a misunderstanding is an understanding in friendship but to have no misunderstanding is the most understood friendship. Difficult to tell what loving is likeIts really impossible to tell what missing is like may u never miss whom u love n may whom u love miss u always. Missing u is not a game of playmissing u is not a word to say missing u does not start in April and end in may Missing a person like u is a pain. To love someone is natural instinct. To be loved by someone is LUCK. To live with some you love is ACHIVEMENT. To live with someone who loves you is LIFE God gives us two giftsOne is chance and another is choice, chance to have friends and choice to select people like you. Treat life as the sea, ur heart as the seashore, friends like the waves, it never matters how many water are there what matters is which one touches the seashore The rusting leaves ate night, The moon keeping at a height, Growing clouds covered moons light, A gentle feeling passed by these sightss, The flowing calm and silent river, the cold dried trees scribble, The cold, sweet nourishing air, AH.! Nature has such a lovely flair Like YOU My Dear FRIEND.! Closeness doesnt come when we are together. It comes when we are apart and realise that despite not being with each other we never stop remembering each other! A truly touching friend understands when you say forgot. Waits forever when you say one minute. Stays when you say leave me.

And Dies when you ask who are you. Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes Sun shines, Sometimes Rain pours. But dont forget, it takes both sun and rain to make a RAINBOW! Enjoy Life! The road to success is not straight There is a curve called failure A loop called confusion Speed bumps called bad friends Red lights called enemies Caution lights called family You will have flats called jobs. But, if you have a spare called determination An engine called perseverance Insurance called faith A driver called GOD You will make it to a place called SUCCESS!! Have a great day. Good friends r those who care without hesitations, who tolerate without frustration, who remember without limitations & who love even without communication. Nobody Teaches The sun 2 rise A fish 2 swim A bird 2 fly A plant 2 grow A child 2 cry The heart 2 chose a frnd lik u. PRAYER is not to lighten ur burden but to STRENGTHEN ur back, Have FAITH in GOD, faith doesnt moves mountains but gives the POWER to climb one.

BEST GIFTS 2 GIV 2 Frnd : Loyality 2 Foe : 4givenes 2 Boss: Service 2 Child: Gud Exmple 2 Prnts : Gratitud 2 Mate : Luv 2 God : Ur Life 2 Me : Cash or Cheque will do! One of many ironies of life : The only way to avoid mistakes is to gain experience. The only way to gain experience is to make a mistake... Wen The Time Comes 4 U 2 Give Your Heart 2 Sum1 Make Sure That U Select Sum1 Who Will Never Break Ur Heart

Because Broken Hearts Have No... Spare Parts. Never Hurt a Heart Known to U...Bcoz after that, ur Heart will start Hurting u by reminding that u Hurt a Heart Known to ur Heart... Friends are Like a Simple CALCULATOR. They help 2 Add JOY, Minus FEAR, Multiply HPPINESS & Divide GRIEF. Thanks 4 Being my FRIEND!... LIFE Strts Wit Violnce But Ends Wit A Silence LOVE Strts Wit A Fear But Ends Wit Tears TRUE friendship Strts Here Ends NEVER... Never expect things to happen... Struggle and make them happen... Never expect you to be given a good value... Create a value of your own... Dont under estimate yourself... You are worth more than anything in this world...

Dreams touch your heart n soul. It is a magical memory that unites fantasy & reality. Hope youll have d sweetest dream as you close ur eyes tonight. GUD NITE! Respect those friends who find time for you in their calender, but love those friends who DONT consult their calender when you need them... To make 1 Kilo of Honey, Bees have 2 visit 4 million flowers, travelling a distance equal 2 4 times around the Earth. So think twice b4 calling any one HONEY. Dive into my eyes & u will find an ocean of love & in it a boat of friendship waiting for u for a non stop journey into the core of my HEART.... We nevr get wat v want, v nevr want wat v get, v nevr hav wat v like, v nevr like wat v hav, Stil v Live, stil v Luv, stil v Hope this is LIFE Love is like a bird... If u hold it tightly it dies. If u hold it slightly it flies. If u hold it correctly it shits in ur hand. So stay away & enjoy your life! We never have what V Like We never like what V Have Stil V live love & hope that some day

well get what V Love OR Love what V have Thats LIFE... To understand a misundrstanding is an undrstanding in friendship but to have no misundrstanding is the most understood friendship. All about a girl: When she is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind. When she is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When she stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying. When she calls you everyday, she is seeking your attention. When she smss you everyday, she wants you to reply atleast once. When she says I love you, she means it. When she says i miss you, no one in this world can miss you more than her. Never search your happiness in others which will make you to feel ALONE. But search it in yourself, you will feel happy even you are left. Thousands of yesterday are gone. Millions of tomorrow will come. But there is only one TODAY. So, I dont want miss the day to say you, HAVE A NICE DAY... To walk is easy but to walk alone is tough. Being missed by someone is nice but missing someone is painful. Being loved is secure but to love is insecure. The twinkle in ur eye made my day, Ur smile made my week, Ur laugh made my month, Ur sweetness made my year and ur friendship made my LIFE...

What is love? Those who dont like it, call it responsibility. Those who play with it, call it a game. Those who dont have, call it a dream. Those who understand, call it destiny and for me, its U my friend. There are only two things in life that are more painful than death... One when a friend remains silent.. The other when you miss them... 20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all. Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests! At this moment i have a dj vu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before. Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old! Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last. BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again! Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!! Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found. Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! . Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . . Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too ! E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need.

Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy. For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ?" God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes! God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : I hope she will make herself up! HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!! Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain. Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.. How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated? I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing! I am not stupid, I am blond!!! B - L - O - N - T I am not your type ... I am not inflatable. I know why I am single, my parents-in-law were not able to have kids... I like to compare you with a nice cold glass of beer, beautiful colour, perfect taste, really perfect and when the glass is empty i just take the next one! I once sniffed Coke, but the icecubes blocked my nostrils... If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long. If you have picture where you look old, keep them. In twenty years you can prove that you have not changed a bit. If you really ressemble the picture on your ID, you are not fit enough to travel. Ik would like to be a volcano... smoke all day and people say ... look he is working!

In case of fire read this message.....................................I SAID IN CASE OF FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! It is charming, incredibly handsome, extremely good, well shaped, horny,an animal in bed and it knows one French word ... MOI!! Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ??? Mobile sex: push 1 for oral, 2 for anal, 3 for normal, 4 for a trio, 5 for SM and for everything ... dial my number! My feelings for you are like the sea. " Wild and romantic ? " "No, they make me sick." My mother in law walks five miles every day, I wonder where she is at this moment... Nice perfume... but do you really need to marinate in it? One out of four people is a chinese. If your father, your mother and your brother are not Chinese, it must be you. Opticians bend your the rims/frames of your glasses for they are too polite to say that your ears are in the wrong place. Read in a hospital... The psychiatrist may nog be disturbed roses are red, violets are blue, frankenstein is ugly but what the hell happened to you???? roses are red, violets are blue, most poems ryhm, but this one doesn't... Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand .................. Smoking is allowed in this area, blowing not! The more I learn the more I get to know, the more I know the more I forget, the more I forget the less I know, so why should I be learning?? The one who digs a hole for someone else, is sweating blood ! They dropped your name, can you pick it up ? This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat! Now read it all without the word cat!

This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly. This is your boss: "You are allowed to read the newspaper during the working hours and do certainly not miss the job adds." This sms can only be read by someone SEXY:...try again...again...maybe you are just not sexy?...one more time...hey don't force it ugly!!! Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, a sexy mouth, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are? We cannot grant you a life insurance policy because you are already 102 years old. "I do not understand. It is proven statistically that at that age only few people die." We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!! What he want, I do not want ... What I want, he does not want ... What we want, is not allowed! When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!! You are an unwanted child. Your parents paid the medical expenses for your birth with their accident insurance. You are never too blond to learn !!! You got STYLE... You got SEX-APPEAL... You got the BRAINS... and you sure as hell got the BODY....WAIT!!!!!...SORRY....wrong number You have the ones that think and you have the ones that do things. The worst kind are those who think that they are doing things. You should know what it takes to look this cheap! You used to be so ugly that your mother had to tie a steak around your neck, otherwise even the dog would not play with you You will have to cut back on your sex live. What part will you leave out, talking about it or thinking about it?

You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number Youd better not be a dayfly and not having your day. Your provider adjusted his rates. The rate is determined by the length of your genitalia, the shorter they are, the less you pay. You can telephone for free from now on! SMAK ... A mobile kiss... Keep your mobile close to your ear! Love is like war ... Easy to start ... Difficult to end ... Impossible to forget... What I feel for you,is really true. You got to know,I need you so. When you are gone,I can't go on. Can't you see, that you are the only one for me? If I had a penny for everytime I thought of you, I'd still miss you, but at least I would be rich enough to come and see you..!! I miss you so, here around me, so many people, but yet so alone. I miss your lips, your lovely smile, I miss you each day more and more! If I die and go to heaven, I'll put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see, how much you mean to me. Every message is a smile ... every word is like a kiss but when you touch me ...remember this ... my life is full with happiness By following my heart I came to you, I only forgot to take something back with me. For my thoughts are still with you. The ideal husband is the one who understands what his wife did not say. Love is hard and will always be, but remember somebody loves you and that one is ME ! If the people we love are stolen away from us the only way to have them live on is to never stop lovin'them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever... Without love I cannot live, You are love so I cannot live without you!!! LOVE is something beautiful,a desire, a feeling that one would like to catch. LOVE is the feeling that makes you feel alive. LOVE is something that may never go away!

I wanted to send you all my love but the postman said it was too big !!!!! Roses of red grow in my heart and they will never wither... 'Cause they bloom every time I see your smile, hear your voice or just think of you! If you live to be a hundred , I want to be a hundred minus one day , so I don't have to live a day without you... You know what, in the whole world there is no such darling whom I love and I want the whole world to know that I will never forget you! If I die and go to heaven, I put your name on a golden star. So that all the angels can see how much you mean to me !! I love you I cannot resist the tears of a woman, that is why I would do anything for you You are always in my heart, here and everywhere, There is no one in the whole world that makes me feel this way. That I love you is no wonder. But the fact that you care about me, that is very special. Women admire a man because he is strong , but they love him for his weaknesses. There are a lot of birds whispering only about you, you should once listen to them, then you would know how much I love you. There Were Times You Make Me Cry... Looking 4 A Reason Why... There Were Times You Make Me Fly...Stay With Me Until I Die...Stay With Me... I am looking for a word. I am looking for a whole new word. I am looking for a word. I am looking for a word that nobody knows. I am looking for a word. I am looking for a word that says...that you are the best !!! There are thousands of roses on this world, even if I gave you every rose to you, that would not be enough to tell you how much I love you! When the night comes, look at the sky. If you see a falling star, don't wonder why, just make a wish. Trust me, it will come true, 'cause I did it and I found you! When a heart is the sign of love ,and red the colour ...and when walking around with your head in the clouds means that one is in love..Why do I draw a line in blue and am I only thinking of you ?

The sky is full of golden stars shining in the light of the moon, but the most beautiful light I see is in your eyes ... The rose speaks of love silently in a language known only to the heart. In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. What holds you together is far greater than what can tear you apart. A dream costs nothing unless you want it to come true A butterfly needs its wings ... an icebear needs cold weather and I ... I need you! Love... I want to hold you close to me and feel our hearts beat as one forever .... I love you! From the earth till the moon! I hope that you finally understand, that I will love you untill the end, because your not just my girl, you are also my best friend! What is a flower without the sun, what is the earth without the sky. What am I without you, that is why I tell you I love you Tomorrow there is an other day.A day i'd rather spend with you....without you there is no joy, only pain! Of all the friends I've ever met. Your the one I won't forget.And if I die before you do I'll go to heaven and wait for you. Words however special... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart. xXx Love is forever, only the partners change... If I would get a rose for every time I think of you, I would spend every day in a rose garden, ... thinking of you How can it be that I am sad and happy at the same time ... it's because I know ... that you aren't back until tomorrow I love two things, a rose and you. A rose for a short while, but you the rest of my life

I feel something in my heart, it's like a little flame, every time I see you, this flame lights up, this flame is special for you, because I LOVE YOU!.... Love is....... to love more and more each day.... Love under the stars... they seem very far, but you are so close the star I love the most Lonely? no, how can I be lonely when you are always in my thoughts. I wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I love you!! Kiss me and you will see stars ....Love me and I will give them to you. I would love you only little when I would be able to say how much I love you!... Kiss Like a rose needs water, like a season needs change, like a poet needs a pen, I need you!! The moment I first saw you, you warmed my heart, the second time you made little flames and now you make my heart burn like hell ! Falling in love is when she falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in your dreams ! When darkness moves in on me,it's the love of people like you that allows me to go through defeat and still know to be fully accepted. They learned me that one hours equals 60 minutes and that one minute equals 60 seconds, but they never told me that one second without you can last for ever! My love, words however special ... could never even start, to tell you all the love I have for you within my heart!!! My eyes were set on you...it was love at first sight... If the world was made of paper and the sea of ink, I would write everywhere that I like you! Far away from here, totally inaccessible. That is where you are. Here next to me, within reach. That is where you are. Whereever you go or when, you will always be near me. I do not think much, i do not think often, but when I think, I think of you! The day that I'll die, when death replaces birth, I'll recognize angels' faces, 'cus I live with one on earth.. Loving you could take my life, but when I look into your eyes, I know you're worth that sacrafice! If you were a tear I would never dare to cry. I might lose you !

Heaven is the place where I would be, the day you would stop loving me! It must have been a rainy day when you were born, but it wasn't really rain, the sky was crying because it lost his most beautifull angel...! I miss you ... I need you ... More and more .... each day ... I love you ... more than words ... can ever say If your heart was a prison, I would like to be sentenced for life If a big fat man creeps into your bedroom one night and stuffs you into a bag, Then do not worry 'cause I told Santa I wanted you for christmas! 3 words made my heart beat faster, 3 words made my legs shake 3 words made my head spin, 3 words: I love you! To the whole world you are somebody....but to somebody you are the whole world If you are mad at me, you might just as well give me all my kisses back ! The world is so more beautiful with you around! All beautiful moments do not last long, except in our memory. A kiss that tells it all is seldomly a first edition. Being in love is when she looks at you and says: I would like to be a cannibal. Real love is the history of enormous patience. Love stops being a joy when it stops being a secret. (\_/) (=.=) (")(") a sweet little rabbit, just like you, because I love you!! kisses... Grow old with me! ...... The best is yet to come... the hardesd thing in life is watching someone you love , loving someone else Tears in my eyes ......... Tears for you ...... Tears that realise how much I love you Roses are red and the sky is blue ........ and I love you Push down if you miss me... that is sweet of you ...... Very sweet indeed .... You can stop now ..... You really miss me, h :-) .... me too xxx

In the morning I do not eat because I think of you, at noon I do not eat because I think of you, in the evening I do not eat because I think of you, at night I do not sleep because I am hungry. Love is as a war, easy to start but hard to end.. When I think, I think of you, when I look, I want to look at you. I am crazy about you, even if it seems to become an obsession I would like to be a tear, born in your eyes, alive passing your cheeks and dieing on your lips. If a raindrop would mean ... I love you and you would ask me how much I love you, i bet you that it would . rain all day ! They say that kids tell the truth, but am I a child too when I tell you that I love you enormously ? Yesterday I did love you, tomorrow I will only think of you. You know whant... I love you! people are children............life is love...........and you are sunshine. -<-@ A rose for you Because I love you don't love 1, don't love 2, but love the 1 who loves you Where were you before you came camping in my heart??? You started a fire and now my heart is filled with flames !!! I love you so much ! Loving and being loved is feeling the sun shine at both sides. Love is ... being married to your best friend. I love you even more than when I started this sentence. Ik hou zoveel van jou dat als je me ooit verlaat ik met u mee ga. You always smile, you never say no, you never hurt me, my dear sweet teddybear! The words are easy when the language is LOVE !

Sex

I'm a bit shy...I'd like to have sex with you, you do not have to say yes, just smile to me!

I think I have BSE on my penis ...... all women who experienced it go crazy !

Eva stood in the river washing her cunt when God comes running to her and shouts: EVA EVA STOP, I WON'T GET THE SMELL OF THE FISH.

Do you know why a waterbed needs to be filled with seawater?...For the mussels need to be able to open.

Screw calmly and without worries, if you do not come today, it may happen tomorrow !

Women are like little children, they put everything they see in their mouth. The boy puts his information in her communication and together they make population! What is the resemblance between a windscreen wiper and a woman? ... When they are wet, they do not squeak any more! The first day we met,I wanted you in my bed.Today I'll know better,so I'll write it in my letter.In my bed I've seen so many faces,so I'll fuck you at different places Sex is good,sex is funny, all the people fuck for money!If you think love is funny, fuck yourself and safe the money!!! What is de maximum speed during sex? .... 68, because at 69 you go overturn! A good neighbour is better dan an inflatable doll ! God created the world in SIX days But it took him centuries... to come up with someone...as "HOT" ... as "SEXY" ... as "Fuckable" ... *..As "YOU!" .. * Text messaging is like a blow-job off an amateur prostitute; short...sweet and always cheap!!! What is the smallest airplane in the world,a cunt... Only one man fits in it, he needs to stand, his luggage stays outside and he still gets off ... Are mice giving you trouble? No? Than you must have a good pussy! Are these your eyes? I found them between my brests!

Sex is like Nike, just do it.

Never dance naked because the body has parts that do not stop moving when the music stops.

Jokes

I hate it when you leave, but I would like to see you go.

When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."

One chicken to an other: are you tokkin' to me?

Man says to his wife : Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife : Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged.

A blond woman picks up a 100. Was it a smart or a stupid blond one? ...................... stupid of course, there are no others

What's the difference between blonds and traffic-signs? Some signs say stop.

When god created the men he was only kidding

Why does a stupid blond woman sneak past the pharmacy? ................. She does not want to wake the sleeping tablets!

Dear God, I will keep it brief otherwise they will steal my dinner. AMEN

When you harrass a boy, pull his pants down and your skirt up, because you can run faster with your skirt up than he with his pants down.

There are three girls in the sixth grade ... A blond a brown and a red. Who has the biggest boops ? ............ The blond because she already reached the age of 20!!!

Daring

You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It is a pity that I do not like animals!!!

I think you are ugly and stupid, You are a real pain in the ... Wait a moment.... oh no, I do have the right number...

Roses are red, violets are blue, when I sense the smell of the bathroom, I think of you !

I do not swear, I do not smoke and I do not drink ! O damned My sigarette has fallen in my glass of beer ...

I wish you lots of itching and short arms.

You have the face of a saint...a Saint-Bernard!

Will we play the hulk together??.....I will be tall and strong and you green and ugly!!!

If you did not have any feet, would you wear shoes?? ...no... why do you wear a bra????!!!

A fart is a flying planet, created by God and produced by men!

Why do men fart more often than women ? Because women do not keep their mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure..

Ok honey, we will try one more time!! How do you spell 'IQ' ?

Riddles

What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom ? ................... NONE ! you stupid !

Why does a nun never wears a bra ? ............ God supports everything...

If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous can a fax be ?

What happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?

When a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking of hostageship?

What is the velocity of the darkness ?

Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?

How do you know when you run out of invisible ink ?

When you strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a phone!

What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?...You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!

when is a man worth some money??................When he pushes a trolley

Profundities

Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

A lawyer says 'we' won' or 'You' have lost.

All computers wait at the sames speed.

Real anarchists play chess without kings.

Monday is one seventh of your life!

When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!

Aiming to remain good sports, we park as close as possible near the sports centre.

Money ressembles fat... there is plenty of it, but always in the wrong places.

No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it.

Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!

Richness has eternal value if we use it to make others happy.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die...

There are days that nothing goes your way, but does it help to complain? No, not a bit. So, stand up to it, list all the points and put your schoulders to the wheel, even

Quotes

All I ever wanted is what others have.

Laugh on your one and the world thinks you are an idiot.

A kiss that says it all is seldom a first edition.

Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!

It is better to be fair than to be popular!

The strongest musle of the human body is the tongue.

Time is something that makes sure that everything does nog happen at the same moment.

Life is not short, it is being dead that lasts such a long time!

I intend to live for ever and so far everything goes well.

I see things the way they are and say: Why? .................. I dream of things that never were and say: Why not?

Life is what happens when you plan to do other things -- John Lennon

Friendship

Working is a delight, leave enough work for your colleagues.

My husband and I cannot decide... a dog or a child..do we ruin our carpet or our life?

Remember that you are unique... just like everybody else!

I never forget a face, but for you I will make an exception.

Nostalgia is not what it used to be.

Speaking Italian is hard, but I eat and drink it without difficulties!

A good movy can make you cry... so can onions.

Those who think that things happen too fast are expected in a bank or a post office!

Make your life a house your heart can live in. With a door that is open to receive friends. And a garden full of memories of many good things.

You cannot buy friendship, you can earn it. If someone comes for help, be a true friend !

A friend is always welcome ... Early in the morning or late at night. Time is of no importance ... When it concerns real friendship!!

Miscellaneous

Stress is when you wake up and realises that you haven't slept yet.

Reality is an illusion that is born out of shortage of alcohol.

I want to live in Switserland where the mountains are higher than the taxes.

Join the army, meet interesting people and then ... kill them...

All of you who believe in psychokinetics, raise 'my' hand ...

Lots of people stop working once they found a job!

I am still single, my parents-in-law were not able to have children.

Being nuts or crazy is inheritable, you get it from your children.

The fact that there are 'intelligent' extraterrestrian creatures is proven by the fact that they did not contact us yet.

I said no to drugs, but they did nog listen!

10.000 new jobs ... all tax inspectors?!

Sex is like NOKIA (connecting people) like NIKE (just do it) like PEPSI (ask for more) like SAMSUNG (everyone is invited) and like ME (TO GOOD TO BE TRUE).. Sex is just like Sprite Obey your thirst Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good always start your day with a lot of.. S E X S-mile E-nergy X-citement so make S E X a daily habit, and you'll always be SMILING!

Funny - Whats the diff between your wife and your job? After 10 years your job still sucks Friendship Greeting - Without humor, life sux. Without love, life is hopeless. Without courage, life is hard. Without friends like you, life is impossible! Love Greetings - Folk say you only fall in love once, but whenever I hear your voice I fall in love all over again. Pickup Line - Crikey, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open? Blonde - What do you call an intelligent blonde? A Golden Retriever

One Liner - When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $2.95 a minute General - Girls are like phones. We like to be held and talked too, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Gorgeous, intelligent, kind, sweet, charming, witty, hilarious, friendly...well enough about ME! How are you?

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

How do u occupy an idiot? Press down - Press up...Press Down...!

***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that i can get 100 tampons for 1 ... No Strings attached ...but for a limited period ONLY! ...A bloody good deal!

Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now!!! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H

FRIEND SEARCH: Friend detector activated...calibration complete, now searching.....still searching....still searching......sorry, no friends found.

Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense? I'll tel U l8r.

Press down..More...Ok more...WOW yes ahh ohh yes....almost there....oh god harder..faster..FEELS GOOD...oh goddd!...That's how I sex on text!

Ths msg cn only b read by a SEXY person Nothing? Soz, I guess UR just not SEXY But hey, i Didnt force it ugly, so get lost!

I once had One2One with a Virgin, she teased me till i had an Erikson, sucked me til my face went Orange, til I busted my Siemen all over her Nokias!

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?

U know what's the difference between u getin laid, and pope getin laid? If pope get laid it a Sin, if u get laid it a Miracle :)

This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you

Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it.

A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone

Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!

NEWSFLASH - Earthquake in Pakistan...20,000 dead...US sending cash, Australia sending food, Britain sending replacement Pakis.

I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.

How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.

Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...

U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)

I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!

On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

Nope.....u still ugly!

Text Message Jokes Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.

What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.

Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'

Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with somin to help u.

I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.

How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.

How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Y did the cannibal rush 2 the cafeteria? He heard kids were half price.

Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!

Are You Single?

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great to play on your dumb blonde friends :)

One Liners Jokes Important Message: Conserve your toilet paper - use both sides.

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

I might be in the basement. I'll go upstairs and check.

The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.

You may be recognized soon. Hide.

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

I pretend to work here - they pretend to pay me.

Is somebody not editing what I'm saying here???

Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.

Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags - great to play on your dumb blonde friends :)

Funny one liners My mom never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me

Mind intentionally left blank...

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before.

If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?

The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open.

It was an accident officer. I was cleaning my fingernails. With ahunting knife. And he ran into me. Backwards. 17 times.

Born Free........Taxed to Death.

We will now upgrade your brain, please wait...searching...searching...still searching...sorry NO BRAIN found

I remind u that the most powerful force in the universe is sms gossip.

Just reminding u there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.

My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading.

Hi - I am a virus and am entering your brain right now...wait, hold on, sorry unable to find brain...leaving now...

Note - The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.

I think i should tell you what people are saying behind your back.. Nice Ass!!!!!! i tried to call you from a payphone last night. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm and a leg! It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet.! Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!! Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty so the world needs YOU after all! Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life.John came fifth he won a toaster A man can kiss his wife goodbye.A flower can kiss a butterfly.Wine can kiss a frosted glass.But u my friend can kiss my ass! At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2.If rain makes all things beautiful why doesnt it rain on you? i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

WORD GAMES He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his hard disk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo! if u notice this notice you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing!!! MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??

Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart!if u pick U,u will get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than have a heart without U! Im not under d affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep.Im not half as thunk as u drink.I fool so feelish and da drunker i stand here da longer i get This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT! A)Ur Attractive B)Ur Buff C)Ur Charmin D)Ur Delicious E)Ur Excitin F)Ur Funny G)Ur Gorgeous H)Ur Heavenly I)Im J)Just K)Kiddin L)Loser! HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press down* HOW TO KEEP AN IDIOT ENTERTAINED *press up* Hello!Im a little alien called Ted.I have taken the form of a mobile phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with your thumb! i once had a ONE-2-ONE night with a VIRGIN.She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.sucked me till my face went ORANGE till i busted my load of SEIMEN over her NOKIAS. I have the "I".I have the "L".I have the "O".I have the "V".I have the "E"... so pls can I have "U"? Piss the taking is someone that realise u this like times at its! NOW READ IT BACKWARDS!! Pls remind me 2 remind u about remindin me to send u dis reminder oh dat reminds me can u remind me wot the reminder was ive forgot!

MISCELLANEOUS Theres an urgent meeting in the jungle! Everyones there.. lions, tigers, cheetas and ape, but the meetin cant start because the monkey is reading this text A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home friendship is like pissing in your pants every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 bing the piss in my pants xxxx

why do i text u? its my choice its my way of sayin dat i remembr u. why do i remembr u? il neva know its not my choice its my hearts. girls are like phones.we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected! Dear friend! Do you take me 2 b your lawful text mate.2 have & 2 hold.4 dirty quotes or saucy jokes.in text messaging & in poor signal.til low battery do us part? A good friend is like a good bra... hard 2 find- comfortable- supportive- prevents u from falling- holds u tight- and is always close 2 ur heart! THE NHS REGRETS TO INFORM U THAT UR BIRTH WAS AN ACCIDENT.PLEASE REPORT TO UR NEAREST HOSPITAL TO BE PUT DOWN.WE APOLOGISE 4 ANY INCONVINIENCE! A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!" Last nite I lay in bed looking at the stars- the beautiful sky and the endless horizon....& suddenly I thought...where the fuck is my roof? If U delete this message thats bcoz u love me. If u save it thats bcoz u desire me & if u ignore it thats bcoz u miss me. So what u gonna do with IT? Smilin is infexous u catch it lik d flu.wen sum1 smild at me 2day i startd smilin 2.now im infectd iv sent it thru dis txt.so now ur smiling who wil it go2 next? God made butter god made cheese god made you for me to squeeze god made whiskey god made pepsi and when he made you he made you SEXY!

WRONG PERSON This message was sent exclusively for the handsome and the beautiful. We have obviously sent it to the wrong number.We are truly sorry for the inconvenience I wanted to send u something nice that would make u smile but the postman told me to get out of the mailbox! Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed oops sorry wrong number 4get wot I said!

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u? Youre Attractive Gorgeous Sexy Intelligent Smart Charming Sophisticated Fit Kind & Generous. In fact youre becoming more like me everyday! Uve got sex appeal.uve got style.uve got intelligence.uve got class.uve got the face & uve got the body & ive got the wrong number! Ure so sexy u drive me insane.i luv u so much dat my heart is in pain.ur sexy voice puts me in a slumber.oh fuck im sorry i have the wrong number

NEWSFLASH NEWSFLASH.. Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the one off. NEWSFLASH...scientists have made a breakthrough & discovered that the female gender carry intelligent cells.unfortunately 95% of them spit it out! *NEWSFLASH* An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand! *NEWFLASH* Snow white has been chucked out of Disney Land.She was reported to have pulled up her skirt sat on Pinocchio's face & shouted "LIE BASTARD LIE!" *NEWSFLASH* A lepor was reported to have visited a prostitute.On his way out he said "KEEP THE TIP!" *NEWSFLASH* A woman was found dead in her home 2day!She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer! *NEWSFLASH* Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?) NEWFLASH tell all ur female m8s dat u can get 1000 tampons for 1.No strings attacthed but 4 limited period.Its a bloody good deal!

MISLEADING From the moment I saw u, I wanted to be inside u, I love ur smell, the way ur tongue feels, the way u tighten and loosen mmmmmmmmmmmmm..NEW SHOES!!!!!!!!!! He came 2 me 1 nite... explored my body... licked- sucked- swallowed & had his fill... wen satisfied he left... I was hurt... F***IN MOSQUITO U picked me up.u took me home.u put ur hands around my waist.u took off my top den u put ur lips om mine.THANK GOD im a bottle of PEPSI. Someday u may lose ur hair.u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind.But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks.coz u cant lose wot u don't have! I had a wet dream about you last night .... I pissed myself laughing when you fell of a cliff! i shall seek and find you.i shall take u to bed & control u.i will make u ache shake sweat until u grunt and groan.all my love, the flu X Whats rough and hairy on the outside and soft and wet in the inside starts with C ends in T and has a U & a N in it? .... Answer - a coconut u pervert. What is 10 inches long- 2inches thick and starts with a p??? A really good crap It goes in dry it comes out wet.the longer its in the stronger it gets.we can have it in bed just you and me...its not what you think its a cup of tea! Last nite i wantd u.needed u so badly dat it hurt.wantd 2 taste u.i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u.u stupid.. PARACETAMOL! At 1st a little nibble- a slow & temptin lick.i suck & munch my liquid lunch & den i swallow quick! CADBURYS CREAM EGG HOW DO U EAT URS? Tell me.is it going in?..yeah ..is it hurting?..ooh yeah ..ouch its hurtin ..ok i wil put it in slowly ..stil hurtin..ahh yeh ..den lets try d other shoe madam Last nite i coodnt sleep.i wantd u warm against my skin.i wantd u on me.i wantd 2 feel u all over my body.. but i coodnt find u!Where did i put my PYJAMAS? I luv the way it rubs against the soft pink flesh creatin a creamy foamy liquid, as it thrust in & out up& down, can't wait til nxt time I LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied lovingly urs TOILET!!!! I luv u- I luv u- I luv u almighty,I wish ur pyjamas were close to me nighty.Dont be mistaken.now dont be mislead I mean on the clothesline and not in my bed Wen i look at the sun i c u!wen i look at the moon i c u!wen i look at the sea I c u... well get the f... out my way!

REASON Y 4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog! 3 REASONS Y CATS R BETTER DAN MEN 1)cats luv u wotever u look like 2)u can stroke a cat wivout it thinkin about sex 3)u dont mind wen ur cat chases after birds! Y MEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)dey r useless until u turn dem on 2)dey have lots of data but r still clueless 3)as soon as u pick 1 a better model cums on the market! Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!

WHAT IF f ur askin if id hurt u da ansa is nevaif ur askin if i luv u da ansa is 4eva.if ur askin if i want u da ansa is i do.if ur askin wot i value most da ansa is u If luvs a disease den im very ill.but i dont want medicine i wont take no pill.i will suffer dis illness cos it makes me see exactly how much u mean 2 me! If i were a tear in ur eye i wood roll down onto ur lips.But if u were a tear in my eye i wood never cry as i wood be afraid 2 lose u! If Love & Friendship could be brought or sold as if they were Stocks & Shares.those wise enough to invest in you SEXY would all be millionaires!!!

If water was a kiss id send u the sea.if a hug was 1 leaf id send u a tree if luv were forever id send u eternity! If i rote ur name in d sky wind wood blow it away.if i rote ur name in d sea waves wood wash it away.But ur name is engravd in my heart where nothin can touch it! if u love me like u told me please be careful wiv my heart- u can take it jus dont break it or my world will fall appart If a kiss was a raindrop i'd send u showers.if a hug was a second i'd send u hours.if a smile was water i'd send u a sea.if love was a person i'd send u me!

SPECIAL YOU Sweet as a rose bud bright as a star cute as a kitten thats what u are.bundles of joy sunshine and fun you are everything i luv all rolled into 1 I have liked many but loved very few.yet no-one has been as sweet as u.I'd stand and wait in the worlds longest queue.just for the pleasure of a moment with u. A special smile a special face.a special someone i cant replace.i luv u i always will.uve filled a space no one can fill! Girl ur clever girl ur smart.girl ur like a work of art.girl ur sexy girl ur fine.d only thing u aint is mine! i luv ur eyes i luv ur smile.i cherish ur ways i adore ur style.Wot can i say?ur 1of a kind & 24/7 ur on my mind! As I lie awake in my bed.All sorts of thought run through my head,Like why do I love u as much as I do.den I realise its because u r u! I believe that God above created u for me to luv.he picked you out from all the rest cos he knew id luv you the best! I love so much my heart is sure.As time goes on I love you more,Your happy smile.Your loving face No1 will ever take your place

NON-RHYMING

I asked an angel 2 watch over u, but he back sooner than xpected!i asked y?He said "an angel doesnt need 2 watch over an angel!" What's the difference between pleasure and torture? Pleasure is thinking of you & torture is thinking of you too much. I opened my purse and found it empty.i reached in 2 my pocket and found a few coins then i searched my heart and found u!dats wen i realised how rich i am uv been called b4 cupids court 4 stealin my heart.trespassin in my dreams & robin me of my senses.uv been sentened 2 a lifetime wiv me- how do u plead? 1st time i saw u i was scared 2 touch u.1st time i touched u i was scared 2 kiss u.1st time i kiss u i was scared to luv u.but now dat i luv u im scared 2 lose u! To live dis life i need a heartbeat.to have a heartbeat i need a heart.to have heart i need happiness.to have happiness i need u! i asked God 4 a rose & he gave me a garden.i ask God 4 a drop of water & he gave me an ocean.i asked God 4 an angel &he gave me u! Why do birds fall from da sky everytime u walk by? why do stars fall from da sky? cause like me they want 2 b near u! One day u'll ask me: "whats more important to u- me or ur life?" ill say "my life" and u'll go and leave without even knowing that u are my life.

DREAMS Ur only mine wen i dream.wen i wake i wanna scream.ur not mine im all alone.i can only text u on my fone.do dreams lie or r dey true-i hope so cos babes i want u! If dreams werent dreams & dreams came true i woodnt b here id b wiv u.Distance is 1 thing dat keeps us apart.But ull always remain in my heart! Y do we close our eyes wen we sleep- wen we dream, wen we kiss?dis is becoz the most precious thing in the world is unseen.Wen i close my eyes i c u! Dream a dream 2nite as u sleep.smile a smile 2morrow that u may keep.may all of ur dreams and wishes come true cause i could`nt find a better friend like u!

KISSING A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme! wot kisses mean!KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away! Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated

TRUE LUV I wish i was ur blanket i wish i was ur bed, i wish i was ur pillow underneath your head, i wanna b all around you, i wanna hold you tight, and b the one lucky enough to kiss your lips goodnight I dont have the measels, i am not confined to bed, asperin wont help coz i aint my head, i dont have back ache or the flu, its more serious...i am missin u! If i died or went sumwhere far i'd write ur name on every star so everyone could look up n see u mean the world 2 me Wantin u is easy missin u is hard.Wishin u was wiv me wrapped up in my arms.Constantly think of u wen we r apart.Ive got the padlock u hav the key to my heart On monday im finkin of u tuesday & wensday 2.by thursday ur in my dreams but mayb ur not who u seem.u ent returned my calls so a lonely friday falls saturday ur my world now its sunday will u b my girl? How can u tell the rain not 2 fall wen clouds exist?How can u tell the leaves not 2 fall wen the wind exists?How can u tell me not 2 fall in love wen u exist? Accidents do happen.i slip- i trip- i stumble- i fall & usually i dont care at all.but now i dont know what to do cos i slipped and fell in love with u

Love is like a golden chain that links our hearts together and if you ever break that chain youll break my heart 4ever!xxx Ull always be mine 4 now & 4ever.Ull always be mine 4 u r my treasure.Ull always be mine please tell me its true.Please be mine 4ever ill always luv u! True luv is hard 2 find.Special 1-1 of a kind.But the luv inside of me is true.It appeared the day i met you! It takes 2 to tango.2 to kiss.2 to talk & remenisce.so many good things cum in 2 & one of those things is me & u! U say u luv me & want 2 hold me tight.those words run thru my head day & nite.i dreamt u held me & made me see dat 4ever 2gether we wood be! 1000 words 1 cood say.1000 wishes 1 cood pray.1000 miles legs cood walk.1000 sounds a mouth cood talk.1000 times ill b true.1000 ways 2 say i luv u! Ive got ur bak & uve got mine.ill help u out netime.2 see u hurt 2 see u cry.makes me weep & wanna die.ill b right here til d end.cos ur my luv & my bestfriend There are Tulips in my garden,there are Tulips in the park.but nothing is more be beautiful then our two lips meeting in the dark! Uve won my luv now I luv u.This heart of mine I give 2 u.So keep it safe as i have done.For u have 2 and i have none! There are 3 steps to happy happiness: 1 you. 2 me. 3 our hearts 4 eternity!

BREAK UP My eyes R hurting coz I can't C U, My arms R empty coz I can't hold U, My lips R cold coz I can't kiss U but, My heart is breaking coz I'm not with U! Flowers will die, sun will set, ur a friend I'll never 4get, UR name is so precious & wont grow old, and is engraved in my heart is letters of gold. among ur frens i care 4 u da most, among ur frens i lov u da most, among ur frens u hurt me d most coz....i know dats all im 2 u... among ur frens

My eyes R hurting coz I can't C U. My arms R empty coz I can't hold U. My lips R cold coz I can't kiss U but My heart is breaking coz I'm not with U! Luv will fly if held too lightly.Love will die if held too tightly.How should I hold u.How do I know if I'm still keeping you or I'm letting go... Luv is a bastard it can treat u lik dirtTheres always a risk of u getting hurt.Luv is restless & luv is a flirt.Luv has places to go and people to hurt. The moment I first saw u- u warmed my heart.the second time u made little flames and now u give me f***ing heart burn!!! It only takes a minute to get a crush on someone an hour to like someone a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone i hide my tears when i say your name but the pain in my heart is stil the same.though i smile and seem carefree theres no1 who misses u more than me!! Wot u see as truth wot u see as lies remember that true friendship never dies.although we may change & drift apart,ill always value u deep within my heart! I miss u wen ur far away.I think about u every nite & day.Even if we cant b 2gether.I will miss u now & forever! i luved u once u luved me not.i luved u twice but i 4got.u neva luv me u neva will but even so i luv u still. Weve gone our own way our lives grew apart & weve made a life wiv another.but despite of how far apart we grew 2 me there still is no other! Remember me and bare in mind A faithful girl is hard to find This is always good and true So dont go changing old for new! i no u think dat u broke my heart but i knew ur game rite from da start. i saw ur game and played it 2 so look here playa da jokes on u! So btween da miles & btween da years ts inevitable but its true.dat seasons may change & people may change but my heart always belonged 2 u! Wen life changes & we go our separate wayz.u will still be in my heart til my dyin dayz.i tell no lie dis is true.da world has nva seen a freind like u. I'd climd the highest mountain.I'd swim the ocean blue I'd do anything at all my dear- Just to get away from you.

As we go on we rememba all d times we had 2gether.&as our life changes cum whateva we will still be "friends forever" Ur the one i love.the one I need.but bad mistakes Ive done indeed.in search for forgivness and happyness too.I want to say that I love u

FRIENDSHIP The years will come the years will go but with each 1 i wil always know whichever way the road may bend u wil always be my best friend when it hurts 2 look back & ur scared 2 look ahead, just look beside u & i will b there. i cant txt u roses or fax u my heart.id email u kisses but wed stil b apart.i luv u 2 pieces n just wish ud c dat i care 4 u so much coz u mean da world 2 me. Many ppl will wlk in and out of ur life.but only tru friends will leave foot prints in ur heart. . . . .u left urs in mine -xThe recipe of friendship: 1 cup of sharing.2 cups of caring.3 cups of forgiveness & hugs. Mix all of these together to make friends 4ever. A friend gives hope wen life is low.A friend is a place where you can go.A friend is honest- A friend is true.A friend is precious.A friend is u! A GOOD FRIEND ISLIKE A 'COMPUTER''ENTERS' UR LIFE.'SAVES' U IN DA HEART.'FORMATS' UR PROBLEMS.'SHIFTS' U 2 OPPORUNITY & NEVA 'DELETS' U 4RM DA HEART "In ur darkest hour wen ur fed up & blue.just remember this I'll always be there 4 u.Im no angel N cant change ur fate.but I'll do anything 4 u coz ur my m8." ur a mate wiv a heart of gold.how much u mean to me can never be told.ur sum1 2b talked bout so sweet and true.1 in a million dats u A gun can kill some1.fire can burn some1.wind can chill.anger can rage till it tearz u apart.but da power of ur smile can heal a frozen heart There is a gift that gold cannot buy a blessing dats rare & true.dats d gift of a wonderful friend like d friend dat i have in u!

Sum1 sum where dreamz of ur smiles & whilst thinking of u says life is worthwhile.so wen ur lonely remember its true.that sum1 sum where is thinking of u. like a fallen star u fel into my life.u made me smile wen thingz werent rite..if hugz were water id send u the c.n sail away 4eva jus u n me. R we friends or r we not.U told me once but i 4got.of all d m8s ive eva met ur d 1 i wont 4get.& if i die b4 u do i will go 2 heaven & wait 4 u! God in heaven God above please protect the friend i love.Sent wiv a smile:-) sealed with a kiss.i love my friend whos reading this xx A very special m8 of mine.in my heart all da time.to c u wiv a happy smile makes my life feel worthwhile.warm & carin ur feelins true.im glad i av a m8 like u! Life can be hard & not always fun.But as night brings dark mornin brings sun.Wen life gets tough & no1 seems 2 care.Give me a call coz I'll always b there! Tiny starz shinin bright its time 4 me 2 say goodnite.so close ur eyes & snuggle up tight im wishin u sweet dreams 2nite! Uve touched my heart uve touched my soul.bcos of u I now feel whole.U'll always b my closest friend.u'll b in my heart 2 the very end. Dreams r2b 4goten reality to b lived.desires 2b fulfilled & destiny 2b reached.where it began.where will it end.friends from da start.friends til da end! Friends r angels that come from above.sent by god 4 me 2 luv.so wen u r lonely sad n blue remember ill be there for u!

RUDE HUMOUR Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look fucking hard! The weight of an average pair of tits is 1.5 kg. Scientists have yet 2 work out the average weight of a cunt. So if u could pop on the scales and ring me back.. i went up 2 a women in a nite club and says "the names bond" she replied james bond i replied no uni bond i have come to fill your crack in.

Did you hear about the mouse who took Viagra? Half an hour later he was walking around the kitchen shouting: "Where's the Fucking Pussy now wot is a woman's arsehole doin while she's avin an orgasm? He's down the pub avin a pint! what does a DWARF get when he walks between womens legs? A CLIT ROUND THE EAR!!!! ever wondered y women wear black panties? its a way of saying:IN MEMORY OF THOSE WHO WHERE BURIED HERE. Mr&Mrs Blobby r lyin in bed 1 nite Mrs Bloby turns 2 mr bloby & says 'bluba lluba lupblub' mr bloby turns & says 'shut the fuck up and swallow bitch! why do men have their best ideas during sex?..... coz there plugged into a fuckin GENIUS!!! If u had sex 365 times in 12 months & u melted down the condoms to make a tyre.what would u call it?........... a f**king Goodyear How do you piss off an archeologist? Show her a used tampon and ask her wot period it came from! 4SALE- MY COCK.DONE A FEW KAYS.STIL UNDER WARANTY.TWIN TANKS SHAVED & POLISHED HEAD.SLIGHTLY WORN. 9"INCH STIFF.GOES HARD & FAST.NEEDS HEAD JOB!$50.00...ONO Latest porn releases:shaving private ryan.position impossible.as big as it gets.forest hump.riding miss daisy.starwhores and pornocchio 23 useless parts on a mans body.20 nails u cant hammer.2 balls u cant throw &1 cock that cant "crow".dont laff ladies??URE PUSSY CANT CATCH MICE Why do women have orgasms during sex???It gives them something to moan about even when they are fucking enjoyin themselves. Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!! girls reaction 2 penis sizes: 9'' ooh shit pain 7'' ooh yes shit 6'' ooh perfect 5''mmmm ok 4'' push more 3'' is it in 2'' just use ur fuckin tongue. UR NETWORK IS CHANGIN ITS PRICE PLAN.ITS DETERMINED BY UR COC SIZE.AS FROM NOW UR CALLS ARE FREE!!!!

Im sorry i couldn't take your call or respond to your message... I was at the doctor having a mole removed from my dick.I'll never fuck a mole again, ever. T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN: caress excite cuddle fascinate spoil kiss rub tease pamper console worship respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN: blow job there is hot sex.fast sex.group sex.safe sex.leather sex.telephone sex and for people wiv a face like urs theres.............masturbation When i was a girl i had a little quim.i sat upon my bed & put a finger in.now im a woman & full of grace & charm.I can get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!! CHINESE SUNDAY BUFFET MENU:*chu sum twat *suc mi pork *lic mi clit *tungsum chick *goo in hand *fuc sum now *gulp sum kum *cho kon it "ENJOY UR MEAL! (_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!! I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Every thucking day! GOVERNMENT WARNING:Eating pussy is bad for your health coz its 5% urine 3% acidic 2% fat,and 90% addictive!! EAT MODERATELY & ENJOY! XX Theres a town in Hearts called Tilet n a pub called The Cockwell Inn Lucy Likes lives there her address is - Lucy Likes The Cockwell Inn Tilet Hearts Why is Sex a 3 letter word? Its easier to spell than... OHMYGODYESNOOSSHITYESDEEPERYESGODNOPLEASENOSHITYESOH- SHITFUCKNOYESYESYESSHITOH. i asked god 4a flower he gave me a garden.i asked god 4a tree he gave me a forest.i asked god 4a cunt he gave me your number

NURSERY

The grand old duke of york. He had ten thousand men, And when he had the energy he had them all again jack and jill went up the hill so jack could lick jills fanny but poor jacks gob was filled with knob cause jills a fucking tranny. Mary Mary quite contrairy how does your garden grow? Listen you twat i live in a flat so how the fuck do i know. spider spider on the wall.u think ur smart u know fuck all.ur on a wall dats just been plastered.now ur stuck u stupid bastard! Jack & Jill went up da hill 2 have a little fun.But stupid Jill forgot da pill and now they have a son. Mary had a little lamb its coat was full of fleas and what more is that the little cunt had foot and mouth disease Old mother Hubbard went 2 d cupboard 2 fetch d poor dog a bone.but when she bent over Rover took over & gave her a bone of his own! little miss druggy sat in her buggy smoking an ounce of weed along cam a spider skinned up beside her and sold her a kilo of speed little jack horner satin his corner licking his girlfriend dry.he stuck in his tonguelicked out some cum and said fuck this is better than pie. Hickory dickory dock.dis bitch woz suckin me cock.da clock struck 2 i dumped me goo & dropped her at da end of da block! Twinkle twinkle little rectum.big cocks cum when you least expect them.never mind the screams of passion.pop it up her doggy fashion! Mary had a little lamb she kept it in da backyard.wen she took her panties off his wooly dick got hard! Humpty Dumpty fucked a fat whore.Humpty Dumpy spunked on the floor and all the kings horses and all the kings men bent the bitch over and fucked her again! Peter Peter Pumpkin eater.had a wife & liked to beat her.smacked her twice around da head. F**ked her arse & went 2 bed! Jack & Jill went up the hill 2fetch a pale of water.we dont no wot they did up there but they came back wiv a daughter

Mary had a little lamb & tied it to a pylon a 1000 volts shot up its ass & turned it into nylon jingle jangle silver bangle Im gonna fuck u from every angle.lipsy dipsy laalaa po if u give me a fuck i'll give u a blow! Mary Mary quite contrary trim that pussy its too damn hairy!!! Mirror Mirror on the wall.Whos the fairest of them all?The mirror laughed Den made a grunt- It sure aint u.u ungly cunt! twinkle twinkle little knob how she likes it in her gob.wen she feels that certain twitch she pulls it out the spitful bitch! Mary had a little bike her seat was back 2 front & every time she pulled the brakes the seat went up her cunt.

RUDE REASONS 4 miracles of a woman.Getting wet without taking a shower.Bleeding without getting hurt.Giving milk without eating grass and making boneless flesh hard. 5 reasons not 2 b a penis 1)ur bald ur entire life 2)both ur naybors r nutz 3)an arsehole lives bhind u 4)ur bestm8s a cunt 5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!! 3 advantages of gettin a 50 note tattood on ur cock: 1- U can play wiv ur money 2- U can see ur money grow 3- Ur girl can blow as much money as she wants U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF 1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long 2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss 3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS 1)dey r always out of order 2)dey stink 3)the nice ones r always engaged 4)dey consume large amounts of liquid 5)r constantly full of shit! 5 BAD THINGS 2 SAY 2 A NAKED GUY 1)so dis explains ur car! 2)but still work right? 3)r u cold? 4)shood i get a pump? 5)so i guess dis makes me d early bird! 3 reasons not 2 b an egg 1)it takes 6 minutes to get hard 2)u only get laid once 3)the only person 2 sit on ur face is ur mother!

MISCELLANEOUS RUDE Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok" They say man with hand in bush not allways gardener. Man with tool in mouth not always dentist. Man who squirts cream in tart not always baker. Fact: a woman can guide a 1.5" diameter penis into an inch diameter vagina in the pitch dark without looking, but can't park a 6ft car in a 10 ft space in daylight. What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?. ask your parents Movie Ratings explained: U: No body gets the girl, PG: the good guy gets the girl, 18: the bad guy gets the girl, x: everyone gets the girl Scientists have discovered that most women will, at some point in time, contain intelligent DNA...... Unfortunately, 95% of them spit it out again! What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET i P3P33U X35 5I 7VJO i hUJOH O5 W,I 35V37d 3W d73H Can you crack the code? No? ....... OK go back and turn the fone upside down!! Question? Whats the similarity between a dick and a rubix cube? Answer The more u play wiv them the harder they get WOMEN'S PRAYER: As you lay me down to mate.I pray you don't prematurely ejaculate.But if you cum b4 I do I hope your tongue will see me through. Amen!!! At the ultimate point of a woman's orgasmic climax what is her asshole normally doing?Drinking down the pub with his mates A girl who opens her hands recieves gifts.who opens her heart recives love.who opens her legs recieves happenis I met this prostitute who charges by the inch.no good to me but she'd be a cheep fuck for you! Q:Why were hurricanes usualy named after women? A:Because when they arrive they are wet and wild.but when they go they take your house and the car.

whats the difference between licking pussy and getting mugged? When your licking pussy you see the cunt coming Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun.Zippy got silly popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum! Sex+drugs+rock+rave.lets get drunk & misbehav.on weed+speed+little e's.wel get drunk & talk2 trees.u only live once & den u die so fuck em all & lets get high If the sea was vodka & I was a duck Id swim 2 the bottom & drink my way up!But the sea aint vodka & I aint a duck but im stil always drunk so who givs a fuck! Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy.Is it d gin dat makes u slip in.Is it d rum dat makes u cum! Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it! Whats the closest thing to a womans period?Your salary. It comes once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days and if it doesnt come everythings fucked. Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever! Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!! Why is a woman like a bucket of KFC?Because once your past the tender breast and the juicey thigh all u have left is a greasy box to put your bone in! if u were a drum id bang u.if u were a pig id pork u.if u were a flower id root u.if u were a nail id screw u.but cos ur a sweetie ill make love 2 u! QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend? ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!! A mini's a mini a jag's a jag.but what is a kiss without a shag? HOW MANY ANIMALS CAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS? 10 little piggies 2 calves 1 ass 1 pussy 1 beaver loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!

STORY 3 sisters.ann,jan &fanny all have big feet ,ann&jan go ona date ,1of the boys says "jesus u have big feet "ann replys "u should see our fannys theyre huge!

A cannibal is found crying next to a large pile of shit. Someone asks "whats Wrong?" The cannibal replies "I've just dumped my girlfriend"!! 2 OVARIES WERE TLKIN AND 1 SAID 2 THE OTHER R U GETTIN NE NEW FURNITURE THEN 1 HAD A PEEK OUT AND SAID WELL I WERNT EXPECTING NE BUT 2 NUTS R PUSHIN IN A BIG ORGAN!! A MAN PULLS OUT A PACKET OF OLYMPIC COLOURED CONDOMS.HIS WIFE ASKS "CAN U WEAR THE SILVER 1 IT WOULD B NICE 4 U 2 COME 2ND 4 A CHANGE. Worried mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms before a hot date. Girl laughs and hugs her mother -- "Times have changed, Mum. I'm dating Susan! A woman goes into hospital for a fanny transplant...... But the surgeons can't start the opp, as the replacement CUNT is reading this message!!... Essex girl enters sexshop & asks 4 a vibrator. Man sez- Pick from our range on de wall. Lady sez ill take de red 1. Man sez U CANT DATS OUR FIRE EXTINGUISHER! "Dad what does a vagina look like before sex?" A pink rose with lovely soft petals and a perfume aroma "And after sex?" Ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise? man comes home & says 2 wife look gold olimpic condoms...& im gonna wear the gold 1 2nite wife says coodnt u wear the silver 1 & come second for a change tramp walks in2 a jewellers & casually starts 2 pick his own arse, shop assistant screams get out, tramp points 2 sign - COME IN AND PICK YOUR RING IN COMFORT A man said 2 his doctor everytime I look in the mirror I get an erection' the doctor said 'That's because u look like a cunt! MAN:Darling u have the face of a Saint WIFE:u say the sweetest things which saint? MAN:A f***ing St Bernard of course Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been shagging ALLSORTS! chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over pissed off saying"i guess we answered that question"

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN! Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty" an essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh shit i think im paralised too BOY: mummy y u jumpin on daddy MUM:2 flaten his tummy BOY: but mummy it wont work MUM: y? BOY: cos the woman from nxt door cums in da mornin 2 blow him up again a mad scientist makes a self lubricatin fanny & givs it 2 his wife.she asks "wot am i supposed 2 do with that?" he replies "teach it to cook & den fuck off! Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in d pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happy cock theres a wet pussy! GIRL:y do cows look so depressd wen dey r being milkd? TEACHER:if u got up early every mornin & dey rubbed ur tits 4 2 hours & didnt fuck u wood u b pissed off Bad wolf told red riding hood "lift up ur top so i can suck ur tits" "NO" she said lifting her skirt.."eat me like the book says!" MUM: didnt i tell you that if a guy touches your boobs say DONT & if he touches your pussy say STOP! GIRL: but mum he touched both so i said DONT STOP! A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had a choice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter.2nd woz a poor cleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?da 1 wiv big tits! A little boy goes 2 his mum & says 'mum how do u spell clitoris? she replys go & ask ur dad it was on the tip of his tongue las nte! A cat tries 2 get a sausage out of a river but gets its paws wet.den it sees a bigger 1 but falls in!MORAL OF THE STORY?The bigga da sausage da wetter da pussy

LIMMERICKS

there was a young girl called alice, oo used dynamite as a phallus, they found her vagina in north, carolina and the rest of her womb up in dallas There was a young man from kent.whos dick was terribly bent.to save any trouble he bent it up double instead of coming he went. There was a young girl from down wick who asked her mum wot is a prick.she said oh Annie it goes up ur fanny & jumps up & down til its sick! Ther once was a mouse called Keith.who circumsised boys with his teeth.it was'nt for leisure or sexual pleasure but to get to the cheese underneath. There woz a young man named Dave.Who dug a dead whore from her grave.she woz mouldy as shit & missing a tit... but think of the money he saved! There woz a young vampire named mabel.whos periods were highly unstable.every full moon shed pull out a spoon & drink herself under the table There woz a young whore from crew who filled her vagina wiv glue.she said wiv a grin if dey pay 2 get in they'll pay 2 get out of it 2

FLIRT I wish I was a teddy bear, that lay upon your bed, so everytime you cuddled it, you cuddled me instead Luv is a sensation dat is caused by temptation.a boy puts his location in a girls destination.do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration? Sex is good sex is fine.doggy style or 69.just for fun or gettin paid every1 likes getting laid!So txt me bak & wiv sum luck ull earn urself a scrumptious f**k I like your style- I like your class- but most of all i like your arse! Do you like maths?if so add a bed subtract ur clothes divide your legs and we can multiply! ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight? I want triplets You want twins.Lets get in bed and see who wins! Of all the babes ur my selection.please dont giv me a rejection.my teeth are clean for ur Inspection so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

If your right leg was thanksgiving and Your left leg was Christmas could I meet U between the holidays? Being a student is so much fun.wen u have degrees in playin wiv tongues.if u be my teacher in how tongues flex.we'll both graduate in hot oral sex! Roses are red.voilets are corny.when i think of you babes it makes me so HORNY!!! RUDE FLIRT What is the Maximum speed for sex?? 68 cuz wen u reach 69 u av 2 turn round.. hello baby drunk & gaggin,wots d story fancy shaggin,dont b scared its jus 4 fun & in d morning off u run.so if u want me in d sak hurry up n tx me bk! Sex is evil and evil's a sin.but sins are forgiven so lets get stuck in!! id grab u id bite u id really xcite u.id lic u id suc u id totally f**k u.ud b beggin 4 mercy& beggin 4 mor cz f***ing wiv me is neva a bore Trick me lick me hold me kiss me.touch me tease me come and please me.when im stressed i need a press so come on baby do ur best! LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you! Id fuck you standing Id fuck u lying.If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if u were dead ur not forgotten ill dig you up & fuck u rotten! ill giv u kisses.ill giv u flowers,ill take u 2 bed & fuck u 4 hours.i promis u dis it wont be a bore.cos 1 nite wiv me & ull be bak 4 more! Roses are red Pickles are green.I love your legs & whats in between! lip lockin body rockin.dick suckin all nite fuckin.tongue teasin.hand pleasing.loads of lustin 2 much thrustin.now ur gaggin lets get shaggin! roses r red poems r corny take me 2bed cos im feelin horny.wen roses r red they r ready 2b plucked.wen i c u nxt ur gonna get fucked! There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another? The sky is blue the grass is green.the harder i fuck the louder the scream.the louder the scream the harder i fuck.so gimme a ring n u mite b in luck!

CHAT UP LINES do u believe in love at first site or do i have to walk by again if i cood re arrange da alphate i wood put u and i together ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?

RUDE Oral sex is mighty fine lick me suck me 69 in a bush or in a bed either way i want some head! itz not the length itz not the size itz not the way u make it rise itz not the knob that does the job it the flick of the dick that does the trick Some fannies r tight & fit like a glove.Some fannies r loose & no good 2 love.but the way 4 lovin & keeping u fitter is rollin her over & bangin her shitter Bak 2 bak front 2 front.on d table lick d cunt.stick it in do ur ting.do it hard & make her sing.tense ur body feel d cum den let it rip into her bum! Luv me tender luv me sweet rap ur lips around my meat.watch & smile watch me grin watch ur cum drip down my chin! kneel be4 him suk him slo.oh his c*ck is nice 2 blo.up n down along his knob.nice & gentle wiv ur gob.suk & lik his lovely prick n wen he cums swallow quick lips r 4 snoggin.beds r 4 rockin.clits r 4 caresin.clothes r 4 undressin.ears r 4 licking.tits 4 sucking the clock is ticking so lets get fucking Sex is real evil.sex is a sin.moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in.it cant last 4eva I no its a shame.dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain! Be a lady Not a nun.Open wide and have some fun.Big or small.Thick or thin.Vasline will get it in Beat me eat me bite my bum.whip me strip me make me cum.suck me fuck me and lick me out.then tickle my nipples until I shout! boy says i luv u.U beleve its true.9months l8r he says 2 hell wiv u.D baby is a bastard.D mother is a whore.Nun of dis wood av happend if d rubber hadnt tore!

Shes down on her knees eager to please wiv a throb of his nob in her gob.Wiv a tingle in his belly his legs turn to jelly cos shes doin a fuckin good job! Oral sex can b so fine.wen u do a 69.u start 2 shake moan & quiver.den u cum just like a river den u lick it up in vain wipe ur lips and start again! roses r straight violets r twisted.bend over luv ur about 2 get fisted.roses make me laugh violets make me titter.ur a dirty cunt & u luv it up the shitter Eat me beat me bite me blow me.suck me fuck me very slowly.if you kiss me dont be sassy use ur tongue and make it nasty! Let it dribble let it flow.flip me over go real slow.slap me hard den pick up speed.a rite good fuck is what i need! Roses are red Veins are blue.theres one in my dick waiting for you!

LIFE if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation! dont frown,you never know whos falling in love with ur smile Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying, is the person who makes you cry in the first place? To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not life is short if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it Be yourself, there are enough other people FRIENDS are like starsyou do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!.. A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever

A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things. Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wot they mean 2 u coz when u decide its the right time it might b 2 late! If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything Sumtimes its harder 2 say no wen u really mean yes.Its hard 2 close ur eyes wen u really want 2 see.But the hardest thing 2 do is to let go wen u want to stay You might regret what you do- but you'll you regret what you don't do SO much more 2 let go doesnt mean 2 stop carin.2 let go is to learn theres sumthin beyond.2 let go means acceptin reality.2 let go is lovin more coz u only want the best. If you are the flame you can't be burned Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery.today is a gift that is why we call it the present! Intelligence is like a river.The deeper it is the less noise it makes

LOVE have u eva notcied a heart is two upside down teardrops the hardest thing to do is to watch the one you love. love somebody else The virtue of love isnt finding the perfect person, but by loving the imperfect person perfectly. they say true love is just round the corner i must be walking in circles People say dat wen luv comes knocking on ur door let it in.But sumtimes luv comes through a backdoor & by the time u notice its on its way out. God gave u 2 legs to walk.2 hands to hold.2 ears to hear.2 eyes to see.But why did he giv u only 1 Heart? Probably because He wants you to look for the other

Some thoughts are better kept unsaid.some feelings are better kept to urself.because love has its way of expressing itself despite the silence. True love doesnt have a happy ending.True love doesnt have an ending! Love is like a rose it blossoms then dies. Dont find love.let love find you.That's why it's called falling in love coz you dont force yourself to fall- you just do! If you want me to fall for you- you have to give me something worth tripping over. If love isnt a game then why are there so many players? u luv coz u weep.u weep coz u hurt.u hurt coz u fail.u fail coz u try.u try coz u need.u need coz u want.u want coz u feel.u feel coz u live.u live coz u luv love is not how u 4get but how u forgive.not how u listen but how u understand.not what u see but what u feel & not how u let go but how u hold on. Love is like quicksand the deeper you fall in the harder it is to get out It hurts 2 luv sum1 who doesnt giv u d time of day.but it hurts more wen u realize dat sum1 u dont giv d time of day luved u & gave it up coz u luved another Looks may capture the eyes but it's the personality that captures the heart love can sometimes be magic- but magic can sometimes be an ILLUSION! *In Reality*. The Player Isn't Actually Playing The Other Person...He's Playing Himself... You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see.but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel. People Fall in love not knowin y nor how.Its so special a feelin dat it doesnt require much answers.U just love no matter how stupid u become.

WARNING If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut!

be careful when a guy tells u that he loves u from the bottom of his heart.for this may mean that there is still enough space for another girl on top Be friendly to your children as they are the ones that decide where you live when your are old. Children playin outside cars can cause accidents.but adults playin inside cars can cause children by accident! When you finally find the perfect guy you think to yourself why isn't he taken? while w8ing 4 d right person 2 come- play & hav fun with d wrong 1.but b careful with who u play with bcoz dat person mite b d right 1 all along If you fool me once shame on you.If you fool me twice shame on me. Guys are like roses- watch out for the pricks

SILLY QUOTES Some say the glass is half empty, Some say the glass is half full, I say " are you gonna drink that?" Maturity is knowing when and where to be immature All of my friends and I are crazy.Thats what keeps us sane! if barbie is so popular....then y do u have 2 buy her friends? I intend to live forever- so far so good Iv got 2 sit down & work out where i stand!!! Wen u smile the world smiles with u.wen ur down people will rally behind u.but wen u fart u r alone coz people will never stand by u! Im a nobody.. nobodys perfect.. therefore IM PERFECT!!! I didnt kiss ur boyfriend! I told his lips a secret!! I would stop eating chocolate.. but I'm not a quitter!