Reasons Why It S Great To Be A Woman

Copyright Summersdale Publishers Ltd 1999 A lr g t r s r e l ihs eevd No part this book may be reproduced by any means, nor
r transmitted, nor translated into a m c i el n u g w t o tt ew i t np r i s o o t ep b i h r ahn agae ihu h rte emsin f h ulse. Summersdale Publishers Ltd 46 West Street Chichester West Sussex PO19 1RP United Kingdom www.summersdale.com ISBN 1 84024 097 0 Printed and bound in Great Britain Edited by Elizabeth Kershaw Cartoons by Annie Houseman
Reasons Why Its Great To Be A Woman

SUMMERSDALE
This book is dedicated to Daring Divas, Cunning Coquettes, Magnificent Mamas a dB i l a tB r s n rlin id. In short, to Everywoman.
101 REASONS
WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A
WOMAN
101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women of the world unite! Its not hard, all you have to do is to get at men. Its our raison detre: that, and pulling the poor specimens (which, lets face it, is pitifully easy). As modern women we can have it all great job, girly lippy, power suit, fluffy mules, sensitive new New Man, booze-fuelled nights out with the girls and, armed with a copy of this book, you can justify it, if anyone (a man) counters you. So, get on your menstrual cycle and pedal away, its on to some serious female bonding. Were going to celebrate all the reasons why its great to be a girl.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
101 REASONS
WOMAN
If were short, we can wear heels and get away with it.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
I w ep a u dw t a n ,w c ns o e f er lge ih ce e a hvl on copious amounts of make-up and get away with it.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can have babies.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
If we do decide to have a baby we dont necessarily have to be permanently up to o re e i u e b b s c a ds i k n u ys n ct ay ik n tnig n p i s c n tb l e ei ,y u r s c a ape: I a eiv t oe uh Neanderthal. What do you mean, you dont want to be a house husband? Case closed.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Since the advent of feminism, we can publicly ogle male naked bodies and not b c l e s x s .I am ni d l e i t i e ald eit f a nugs n hs behaviour over a picture of a naked woman, he is a sexist pig, and recompense must be demanded for this slight on womankind.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can demand pressies, chocolate and flowers to settle a disagreement. Men are lazy and fancy the easy way out.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
For women, the enjoyment of a night out is considerably increased by ac m u a g r i v s tt t a omnl ile ii o ht s c a f r mc l e at i e . oil ou ald olt
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont have to worry about the s z o o rg n t l a a dw e h r ie f u eiai, n hte w a eh n i gt t el f o r g t e r agn o h et r ih of the crotch of our trousers.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We have three times the amount of p t n i ls c l a e T k i t a c u ta l oeta ik ev. ae no con l those days you are unable to work owing to pre, during and post menstrual tension.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
W c nb d v s a i g yi t l i e t e a e eattnl nelgn and yet act dumb and coy when it suits us in order to get our own way (especially with members of the less gifted sex).
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can blame any technological problems on the fact that aptitude with technology is not a feminine attribute, dont you know.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We have more erogenous zones than men.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We have an excuse to justify an inordinate indulgence in bitchiness: its clearly feminine intuition.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Places on a man to inflict most pain: 1) His ego. You will just need a pin to prick it.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Places on a man to inflict most pain: 2) His goolies. You will need a knee or sharp heel (depending on the extent of the crime against femininity) to jab them.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Places on a man to inflict most pain: 3) His magazines. You will need some matches and a small clearing in which to perform a ritual burning of his collection of porno mags.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Places on a man to inflict most pain. 4) His emotions. You will need a criminally short skirt, stockings and suspenders in which to a) drive him insane with desire and b) drive him insane with horror when you wear it to meet his mother.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can always get out of the boring household and maintenance tasks by claiming that its mens work.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont believe that there is a direct link between our sexual prowess and getting a high score on Super Mario Kart.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We always have an excuse for being out of shape. Sagging bum? Thatll be the baby. Flabby tum? Time of the month, you selfish pig.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
A woman uses the part of her body above the shoulders to think. A man makes his decisions led by the part of his body below the belt.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
The vague promise of between-thesheets action (with no necessary intention to fulfil it) will have any man leaping to attention To do the menial tasks you want him to, that is.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Breasts, on us, are beautiful, topped with useful, working nipples. On men, they are repugnant and redundant.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Men are not allowed to be sexist but must still be chivalrous. Ladies first. Always.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Horoscopes in womens magazines always say nice things about us and t es a eo o rs xl v s h tt f u e ie.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can drink delicious and highly colourful cocktails. In public. Without getting punched.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We understand the mechanism b h n at i e s a . eid olt et I t o i s b e tt g a i y t o, s ujc o rvt.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Grs Ngt Ot il ihs u.

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Ag r n g to tm a ss c a i t r c i n ils ih u en oil neato and discussion. A boys night out consists o s c s i t l a i gc n e s t o a f uh cniltn ovrain s h g t i gt ep n si ,t e ? Wos etn h it n hn
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
The contents of our bathroom cabinets are creative works of art, numbering around roughly 600 items of v r o sc l u sa ds e l . aiu oor n mls
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont have to plan our Saturday night around the football highlights.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can wear a mans clothes and look s x a dw i - i e I am nt i st i ey n aflk. f a re hs w t o ra t r h l o sr d c l u ih u tie e ok iiuos a di l a l t g tb a e u . n s ibe o e etn p
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Womens sex drive just keeps on climbing t eo d rw g t F rm n i a l h le e e. o e, ts l d w h l a t rt e t - i e onil fe wnyfv.

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Having a baby means paid holiday, both before, during and after you drop the sprog (and additional time for adjustment for the new atnmu idvda o cus) uooos niiul, f ore.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
W m na ei t l i e t p r e t v oe r nelgn, ecpie and caring. The only men that are s n i i e l v n a dg o l o i g estv, oig n od okn are the ones with boyfriends.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont, when drunk, feel the need to expose our buttock cheeks to the bitter elements, or to write our names, organically, in the snow.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have grown out of playing with toys and buy sensible things (lippy, leg wax, vodka and tonics). Men have not, and as they get older the toys become increasingly sillier, more expensive and unworkable. Also, a man wont ever be able to use the gadget, but will never admit it.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
e r ts p o t Sce upr l c at g t . yr ihs
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We get drunk more easily and less expensively than men.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women think and notice. Our world is more enriched as a result, consisting not only of beer and flatulence competitions.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont feel the need to wield the TV remote control like an extension of our genitalia.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We always have a ticket to ride. Two twin peaks on our chest are passes to anywhere.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
I y u r f e i gs i t b tf n yan wp i f oe eln kn, u ac e ar of shoes/expensive truffles etc, start an argument with a man. Said items will materialise within twentyfour hours.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We are discerning. We dont have sex with a man just because he is breathing.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
To be funny, we dont have to memorise every Monty Python catch phrase and recite them. In one go.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can earn more than our partner and still not be expected to be the main provider (leaving all the more to spend on essentials such as clothes and shoes).
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Communication in a relationship means a man agrees with everything a woman says.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
As they become older, women become more mature, wiser, more sexually aware. Men, on the other hand, turn into balding wannabe Casanovas attempting to salvage some irrevocably lost youth by wearing shirts open to the waist to reveal coarse, greying chest hair, and pinching younger womens bums.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We know the real value of money; it is measured in the amount of lippy, clothes, and wine we can purchase without becoming (too) overdrawn.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women are far more mature than men, and therefore infinitely superior.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can use our vast accumulated data about mens past misdemeanours, at will, to win an argument, get our own way, provoke the buying of gifts, etc.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can wear pink without our mates calling us a girly wuss.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Men are malleable, unformed raw material, just waiting for women to mould them into a better model. We are virtuoso artists when it comes to this type of canvas.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We always have an excuse to gorge ourselves on vast amounts of chocolate. Its due to hormones/ PMT, obviously.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Shopping is a spiritual experience.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can take over mens lives by product power: tampax in his bathroom, lippy in his car, knickers in his drawers, purses in his pocket when we go out.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We are expected to be late for everything. However, we can become very angry if a member of the opposite sex is late for us.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can open jars of pickle, change fuses, set the video, but we just have much better ways of spending our time.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Curry strength competitions and the ensuing bottom misery is not something we feel we have to do in front of our mates to look good.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have an amazing capacity to remember wrong doings, especially those of men.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont have to worry about whether we will be able to get our genitals up.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
A womans naked body is beautiful. A mans naked body is laughable.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont have to worry about premature ejaculation.

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Having wolfed down a family-sized tub of Hagen-Dazs, we can suddenly go all weak when faced with the prospect of lugging shopping bags back from the supermarket.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Men are basically squeamish babies. We can freak them out just by mentioning the p word, and they turn green at the thought of tampax.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
A woman believes in solidarity with members of her sex. A girlfriend will happily agree that the ex-boyfriend who just dumped you is definitely gay, and no, of course your bum doesnt look big in that; the skin-tight red leather accentuates all your good points.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Our orgasms last longer than a mans.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Womens hairlines dont start receding after they hit their twenties.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
A woman has curves. Men just have beer bellies.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Chocolate is not just a snack; it is a necessary ritual and a sensory experience.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We have the capacity for multiple orgasms.

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont have to resort to cheesy chat-up lines to get laid.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Grs Ngt I. il ihs n

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Complaining and over-analysing, contrary to masculine opinion, is not paranoia. It is fun.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can wear jewellery without looking like a dodgy Costa del Sol medallion man.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We live longer than men: 1) And therefore get to annoy the younger generation for longer.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We live longer than men: 2) And this means (ching, ching) inheritance and life insurance.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We dont have to worry about getting our genitals stuck in our flies.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
It is ridiculously easy for us to score.
101
101 REASONS
WOMAN
When we explode our computers: a n o ei c o sw t u ,b w d n t ) o n s rs ih s ) e o feel inadequate in our femininity and c) we can act the coquette with the man who comes to fix it.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can be modern, independent women. But men still have to pick up the bill in a restaurant, of course.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We can have, and justify having, a toy boy: men are most rampant in their late teens and early twenties, while women are at their peak later in life. Men with younger women just look like dirty sugar daddies.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
The gynaecological excuse for skiving off work is never questioned by male bosses.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have ways of getting served first by the man behind the bar.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have ways of being seated first by the waiter in a restaurant.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have ways of extending their overdrafts. Again.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have ways of getting off speeding/parking tickets.

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women have ways of getting taxis to stop.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Italian waiters, on holiday in Italy. Its self-explanatory.

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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We never have to fiddle with a reeking BBQ Men see it as a test of machismo.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We never have to learn about computers and IT terms; it is endearing when we lazily call bits of technology thingy.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
It is not a social death for us if we dont know the offside rule. In fact, we couldnt care less.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
We are the ones who are really in charge of the worlds population.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
It is extremely rare for a woman to worry that she hasnt got enough hair on her chest.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Men have a limited repertoire of conversation: football, cars and sex. And they dont know as much as they claim to about any of them. Women have an infinite reserve of chat topics, and dont feel the need to exaggerate their knowledge to their mates.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Women dont need to lie or to brag about their sexual conquests. They are too busy making the conquests.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Cooking, ironing and washing up are not womens work. Being asked by a man to do any of the above (even after hes slaved over a meal in the kitchen), is sexist and demeaning and should be met with: Have you never heard of feminism? The suffragettes didnt chain themselves to railings just for fun, you know. Etc, etc.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Our friends dont ritually humiliate us to prove that they like us.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
The phone is our friend and another member of our social circle, not just a functional tool to inform our mates of the name of the next pub.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Our jokes are amusing and consist of a wider choice of vocabulary than i d , i a d o b br bg n bos.
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101 REASONS
WOMAN
Alimony agreements.
127
Other Humour Books from Summersdale

Ultimate Chat-up Lines and Put Downs Stewart Ferris 3.99 How To Chat-up Women (Pocket edition) Stewart Ferris 3.99 How To Chat-up Men (Pocket edition) Kitty Malone 3.99 Enormous Boobs
In The The Greatest Mistakes History of the World
The Kama Sutra For One ONan and P. Palm 3.99 101 Reasons Not To Do Anything
A Collection of Cynical & Defeatist Quotations 3.99
A Little Bathroom Book 3.99 Drinking Games 3.99 www.wit@wisdom
Stewart Ferris Men!

Cant Cant Live with live with them
4.99
them,
4.99
T n aG l g t y ai oihl
3.99
Available from all good bookshops.

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Copyright Summersdale Publishers Ltd 1999 A lr g t r s r e l ihs eevd No part this book may be reproduced by any means, nor

Reasons Why Its Great To Be A Woman

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

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We can have babies.

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We have more erogenous zones than men.

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WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

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We understand the mechanism b h n at i e s a . eid olt et I t o i s b e tt g a i y t o, s ujc o rvt.

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

Grs Ngt Ot il ihs u.

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

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Womens sex drive just keeps on climbing t eo d rw g t F rm n i a l h le e e. o e, ts l d w h l a t rt e t - i e onil fe wnyfv.

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

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e r ts p o t Sce upr l c at g t . yr ihs

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

We get drunk more easily and less expensively than men.

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WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

WHY ITS GREAT TO BE A

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