rey LicHTS! “Lam nota dodger” assets ‘adult. str Devinn Lane with as much authority as Richard Nixon did wen he said, "lam not a crook” But unlike Tchy Dick, she means it You can igure out who the dodgers are. Fa g's supposed to oa acal and she's making a vincing face, you cn tell she's really ‘not thatint i. fa gts tke,‘ let's go, you have a diferent kind of aim very enthusiastic in all my scenes." This and other ner points of porn ae being discussed ina taller onthe sexually charged set of Wicked Pictutes' Lovers Lone. Devions siting between scenes; lam siting between two boxes of douches anda package of enemas. UNDER THE COVERS. Being an extra in a porno is just like being an extra in a regular The hyglenic goods are porno- preparatory products. As Devinn ‘explains to me: “We clean the pipes before every sex scene" Thankful my pipes can remain | clogged, because Im just an extra in | the movie, playing a nonsual part asthe cime-scene photographer. The big-budget movie, a slasher thriller porno, i being shot outdoors | Inthe boondocks of Clarita Canyon, lust outside LA I's a charming tale ‘of anerd gone psycho who exacts revenge on his bles by hacking them up with a metalic hooked hand. But the far of getting whacked doese't stop those homy folks from whacking eachother off iil the Boies keep piling up. Priorities, people movie—only there are a lot more money shots. ay raura Leu Bighteyed and bushy-taled, Lave on the set at 2:30 PM, expecting to be greeted bya sea of naked appendages glistening in a mixture of sweat and lube. What witness instead is a bunch of lly tlothed dudes looking more like | somebody’ big brother or uncle— and not even the perverted one. ‘The all-male crew is sting up for the fourth day ofits five-day shoot, which tay wil start with four sexree dalogue scenes and end with aang, Two bangs, to be ‘exact: one boy gil sex scene and one fellatio sequence. (just love talian cinema) The frst person | meets the silverhalred Marty Rud, a veteran caterer inthe adult industry. The combination of his allwhite outfit andthe fact that hes preparing lunch in an old church rear the Set makes him seem almost angelic. Untthe tell me allthe new people have tobe initiated with hat he calls “crewkake,” He describes the ritual n which the entre crew masturbates on me, the newbie, in order to pop my porno chen. Then he laighs and tells me | he ust kidding, Way to get my hopes up, Marty. CAMERAL My scene sat IM, and | show up eating the required rime scene photographer wardrobe of black ants and a whit button-down shirt—an outfit more conservativeWimberly is sucking like a Yankee |] relief pitcher and, 20 minutes later, she ‘TH reaps the benefits of her hard work. “Sometimes, il hit me aerward ‘Ata quarter past midnight, ator Plbe buying a pack of gum, and all Eric Masterson meets leading lady ofa sudden, the boner wit hitme” | Nadia Stes forthe frst te. Thirty ‘But they do have their wat minutes later, his face is nuzled stories, This isthe stuff that hits the | between her but cheeks. The two ‘uttng-o0m Moor. Stuff that i told | lustbieds are inthe front seat ofa you about, yout have to putdown | convertible, where Nadia commands that sandwich youre eating. norm | Ericto change his focus to her rot starturned makeup artist Shey | door He dutifully obeys, She Stevens cas, that story volves | obviously enoys Lud. Brad then lesbian anal scene wih asextoy | asks fora backseat 8 asif he's attached tan electicdril. Have ordering aBig Mac (old the mayo). you everseen whathappens when | "She could suck the chrome off ———— UBRTwould wearto a funeral And {and ball gags are not the topic of tighten thinkmy pat coulét | conversation aound ths fice. | youtake an elec mixer fom cake | a bumper." one ofthe cameramen be any less pomograhic, hearths: | Watercooler ‘alk for these people | mixwithouttumingitof?itsprays | sav. And he's right, because Nadia “Photographer, can you stand up? | ranges fom posto famiy eto | everyer.” she ses, implingthat | is doing sucha thorough jb that Youre showingalitletoomuch | bits oftva hat could makeyou | the dilrecpent id notuse an | Bradhastocutmidhummer soa crack” Thisis coming fom the porn | rch on Who Wants o Be a enema beforehand. And that, boys. | production asistantcanhand her star-drecor, Brad Armstong, who | Milla. But sexta? Not so | and gil iswhy you shoud avays_ | paper towel o wipe of her Face. notices my butt cleavage everytime | much Ifyou thought people inthe | clean your pipes. She continues to passionately "bend overt snap. pete othe | pom industry walked around with sence him—ho hum—untl rally fake evidence. Apparent, my | perma-chubs swapping sextipslite | ACTION! {eu ro flo sex Fst nthe photography sls area tle too | muffin recipe, youd be wrong. and | “itsaraltine, people" yes Brad, forma reverse cowgit,foloned by Xrated forhim. The scene—which | frustrated. Tums ou, theye not | the directo, at 10:39 PM. Andafter | doggies. They go tit for about features seventies ofdoiogue | oversesed;theyejustoversex. | sufleringtvoughelght hous all 25 minutes, and then Bad yl, between a coroner and Devim’s | Because itis possibleto get too | talkand no ation its about gosh-_| “istime to make grav With that, character, Deputy SherfSarah | much ofa good thing—name'y, | damm time. Final Kimberly Kane and_| Eric stops thinking about baseball Blake is reshot (racks) about | female nudity. “Fm althe way up| Kris Slater ae situated na pickup | and explodes on Nala’ dimpled, totimes andtakesroughiyan hour therewith my lights. Ive seen gis’ | truckand areready to commence | cherubic cheeks. I's fara tof, On-screen, itwillbeaone- | intemal organs," whimpers Ric | thejob athand, er, mouth. hiss | ending reall minute scene. Aoneminute scene | Rodney alighting guy who has been | when the director earns his pay Itsbeen a long day. Along, hard that people are going to fast forward. | between more gis legsthan | "More head-bobbing, Kimmy! Lower | day. ve witnessed the ups and the to getto the fucking parts. ‘gynecologist. "t's ke how doctors | yourback,” shouts Brad rom the | dows, the ins andthe outs, the wet My sceneisfllowed by more | getused to seeing blood, andithas | directors chai Kimberly s sucking | and the wettet ve seen four boobs, scenes packed with nothingbut | noefectonthem after awhile,” | ke aYankee reli pitcher and, 20 | two penises, one vagina and a dialogue. So|take this nobody's. | explains cameraman Mark Stone. | minuteslater she reaps the benefts | partridge n a pear tree snow 1:30 toing-downtime to bond with the | Butthat doesnt mean they¥e out | of her hard work For that, Kimberly | AML, andthe only thing et todo is cast and crew Surprisingly bondage | ofthe woods on getting wood. 1s $300 rien and litle sorerin the | create my pocn name forthe rei. Jaw. Before heading home, she grabs | | want something simple, something expect to be greeted by a sea ee ee nee ofnaked appendages glistening elite Sasrees | tachatessan gg in a mixture of sweat and lube. notice the irony. officially a pom star. llr uyel fey