Enjoy this one: From Fred Zinos (and Graham Fitch): New Findings Subsequent to the the Mozart

Effect: LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important. BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity. WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams - at great length and volume - that he's dying. SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he's used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. IVES EFFECT: The child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once. GLASS EFFECT: The child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. STRAVINSKY EFFECT: The child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to fighting and pandemonium in the preschool. BRAHMS EFFECT: The child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc.) However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired. CAGE EFFECT: Child says nothing for 4 minutes, 33 seconds. (Preferred by 10 out of 9 classroom teachers.) Posted by Fred Zinos On Reddit - the continuation! Haydn effect: Child continually repeats the same sentence, altering it very slightly each time JS Bach effect: Child speaks backwards and upside down while remaining coherent CPE Bach effect: Everything the child says is mysteriously forgotten while everyone listens to what his father is saying Vivaldi effect: Child seems to be talking a great deal, but only occasionally says anything of interest Bartok effect: Child speaks with a combination of metropolitan slang and archaic regional dialects Britten effect: Child is constantly talking about ghosts and what a bad boy he is Alkan effect: Child has read the entire dictionary and is trying to construct a setence using

every possible word Debussy effect: Child speaks in cryptic, fragmentary sentences composed entirely of adjectives Janequin effect: Child is constantly making helicopter noises while spinning in a circle Shostakovich effect: Child is too shy to speak and hides under a table, letting out the occasional whimper or scream Scarlatti effect: Child picks up new languages with ease and even has the power to alter the speech patterns of his younger friends Elgar effect: Child speaks in ponderous, plodding sentences which are frequently muffled by a thick layer of tweed and an unusually early moustache Satie effect: Child will enter a room, utter a single, enigmatic phrase, and then leave again Mendelssohn effect: After an initial developmental surge, child's speech reamins utterly normal. Children suffering from the Wagner effect should be kept at a safe distance. Schubert effect: Child prefers to set other children's conversations to music Chopin effect: Childspeaksfartooquicklytobeproperlyunderstood Telemann effect: Child talks too much Puccini effect: Child speaks in a florid, melodramatic way, usually about love or death Verdi effect: Child has a strange way of making even the most tragic statements seem merry and jocular Holst effect: Child has become extremely well-known amongst all the other children for something he said a long time ago, but has been ignored ever since Berlioz effect: Child is constantly attempting to find new accents and extended vocal techniques to use Offenbach effect: Enjoys taunting other children with the chant "Na na na-na na" Dowland effect: Child's speech can rarely be heard over the sound of crying Beethoven effect: Child alternates between whispering and shouting in a highly erratic manner Messiaen effect: Child speaks entirely in chirrups and squawks Respighi effect: Child repeats things said by other less popular children, but changes some of the words around to make them more interesting Rachmaninov effect: Child repeats things said by other more popular children, but changes some of the words around to make them less interesting Prokofiev effect: Child is incredibly sarcastic Kodaly-Orff effect: Child becomes incredibly well-educated about music Bellini effect: Child takes an incredibly long time to say incredibly uninteresting things Reich effect: Child is very tired of people making jokes about his stammer Mozart effect: Child has a tendency to make sweeping generalisations about other children and to make false claims based on very little evidence Barber effect: Child has a repetitive vocabulary of only a few words, but still manages to speak with something resembling normality. Still effect: Child transitions between normal speech and "jive" slang at random. Williams effect: Child only speaks in quotes, but is able to alter 10% of the words he says. From FB friend Mark Zaki: I always thought the Beethoven effect was where the child never hears anything you say...