Devree Richhart Period 3 SLCC English 1010 Reflective Memoir

Learning to Flourish In my previous years as a child, I presented myself as an outgoing girl with a fun personality, but even though I had those specific characteristics, I constantly fought a social battle within myself. I put that fake smile on to please others. I wore a mask of insecurities, but I overpowered those insecurities with false precepts of showing I had no insecurities. My friends knew me as the smart girl with perfect grades, the only girl who played basketball at recess, the girl who liked to sing, and the girl who liked to do everything. Something important that people should know about me, is that when I set a goal or set my mind to something, there is no doubt in the world that I will not achieve that goal. I am determined. I am driven. I am unique. I am that one person you can always count on to make you laugh. In my elementary days, that was all I wanted to do. I only wanted to please others. I never put myself first. Partly because I was trying to be nice and partly because I knew that if I did not please my so called friends, that I would not be accepted into their gang. I struggled in some ways more than others you could say. Even though I always got good grades, and always did my best in everything that I could, life was not all that sweet to me in return. I became the victim to the mean boys who probably had insecurities like I did; they just handled them in a different way. They would take their anger out on me by calling me rude names and making fun of me. In all honesty I was with no doubt, easy material to make fun of. I gave off a hint of, not the cutest little girl on the block you could say. Yes, I was a little chubby face and I loved eating food. Well, I shouldnt say little because I was the tallest girl all throughout elementary. I wore glasses that were as thick as a notebook. I never wore my hair cute. My most fashionable hairstyles consisted of slicked back buns, or sleek pony tails and my ears would poke out like Dumbo. Plus, I rarely even talked to boys. If I did talk to them, the words never gave off a kind welcoming

Devree Richhart Period 3 SLCC English 1010 Reflective Memoir

feeling. I only said mean things to boys. Thats just how I was, and that is probably why none of them ever talked to me nicely in return. Basically, what I am trying to get at is that it was hard for me to make friends. I felt like I had social awkwardness with people. I remember one time in 5th grade I was playing at recess on the tricky bars, and there I was, doing my own thing when the bell rang. We all ran to our designated class spots on the yellow painted four square lines, and waited to walk inside single file as the playground duty ladies yelled at us all to stop with our chatter. First you have to know, that you are not allowed to hug or touch anybody in elementary because that just the rule right? Then thats when it happened. I saw a boy and a girl hug right in front of my eyes. I totally judged them. They hugged! I freaked out because I followed the rules all the time and I was not about to let that crime happen again. I pointed at them and I yelled, Hey! You guys cant do that! They didnt do anything back to me. They didnt even acknowledge my presence. Gosh, I was such a freak. You see, there was a fine line between what I thought was right and wrong. If there were rules, and you followed them then I thought you were a good person. If you didnt follow the rules, then in my book, you were a bad person. For a very long time, I always assumed that that boy and girl that hugged in the hall that day, were very bad people. I told you that memory because it is a very good example of how I used to act and judge others for their decisions. Two people simply hugged each other. That was all that happened. They werent causing any harm to me, but I took it so offensively. It actually changed part of my social aspects during the rest of my elementary experience. Before that encounter, I actually talked to that boy and girl quite often. I grew up with the boy, and we used to be really good friends. All because of that one action they both took part in, I did not speak one word to them from there on out. It was actually all the way to the end of 6th grade. I have always thought about how I could have avoided that situation from

Devree Richhart Period 3 SLCC English 1010 Reflective Memoir

happening. Why did I freak out so bad? Why did I stop talking to them? Why couldnt I have let it go and pretended like it didnt happen? I ask myself these questions because I could have had a totally different experience then the one that I did. I still remember my first crush I had in junior high. He was oblivious to my passion I had for him, but I wanted him to like me back so badly. In junior high, I changed a lot from how I was in elementary. I never thought I would ever like a boy until that moment when we met eyes for the first time. The first day of 7th grade, Ill never forget it. Okay, that sounds really creepy. Ill probably forget it later in my life because now that I think about it, it was the stupidest thing ever. The boy had no idea that I had a tremendous school girl crush on him. It was no big deal. But, that first time we looked into each others eyes, was the day I was reborn. His eyes were as deep blue as the ocean, and I wanted to dive into them and never leave. We really only looked at each other for a split second. We just passed each other in the hallway on the way to our next classes, and you know how you make eye contact with random people in that hall. Thats basically all that it was, but to me, it was a fairy tale. All throughout 7th grade, I swooned over this boy like it was nobodys business. He was in my 7th period and I literally almost died every day in that class. I never looked at him because I was so shy. On really good days, I might have said one word to him, but thats all that was going to come out. Whenever I would approach him coming from the opposite direction in the hall, my heart would race faster and faster the closer we got. But, usually he wouldnt say anything to me and I would look down at the ground right as we passed each other. It was like a dream. He never knew that I liked him and I never told anyone that I did. I was still in that awkward stage of even thinking that boys would ever like me. I was getting prettier though if that counts? I gained a lot of new friends in junior high,

Devree Richhart Period 3 SLCC English 1010 Reflective Memoir

some of which are still my best friends. I was getting better at talking to people and not being such a dork all the time. I was growing taller which helped stretch out my Buddha belly. I started caring about my hair and actually wearing my pants on my waist as opposed to shoving my elastic waist band under my belly for comfort. You could say I was flourishing. I learned a lot about myself in junior high. I learned that I loved singing. I took choir all three years and performed solos at some of the choir concerts. I was voted best smile in the year book in 7th grade. I was in the talent show with a couple of my friends in 8th grade, and I was the 9th grade vice president. I came to know that I had a knack for humor. I always made my friends laugh and I quickly learned to embrace my talent. It didnt just come about. I have always had a humorous personality but it was a good tool to use to move higher up in becoming who I really am. I also came to accept that people are going to break the rules because my opinion didnt matter to anyone really. Its funny to think that I was so strict about everything when I was so young and now that I am older, I really dont even care. I was always the friend with the advice. Since I didnt care about emotions and trying to impress all the boys, I didnt have to ask for advice from anyone. Well boy advice I should say. I was content with how I was and I was the advice giver. I remember when my friends and I would hangout on the weekends and sit on top of the monkey bars at Horizon Elementary and talk about everything that would be going on in our lives. It always ended up with them telling me their problems they would be having with boys, and me telling them what to do, and what not to do. I was surprised with the advice I could actually give when I had no experience with boys whatsoever! It makes me laugh now because it was probably the worst advice ever. Anyways, the experiences I had throughout junior high were definitely ones to shape my life. I grew as a person and became more like a normal human being.

Devree Richhart Period 3 SLCC English 1010 Reflective Memoir

Now lets talk about high school. Its a love hate relationship. There are some things about high school that have definitely made me who I am today. I will start by saying this; high school includes the following as its packaged deal: stress, drama, love, good times, laughing your butt off as well as crying your eyes out, back stabbing, deep talks, true friends, and much, much more. It is all of the teenager experience combined into one lovely cluster of confusion. As a part of my experiences with high school, I have learned to never change for anybody, no matter what the circumstance is. I spent my whole junior year trying to impress everyone and trying to make everyone happy, instead of putting myself first. I know now that I have set most of my priorities straight. I am not saying I have it all figured out, but I know what makes me happy. This year has been the start of a whole new perspective of responsibility. I have actually had a specific experience with my people skills. I got my first job as the cashier at Chuck-ARama and boy do I meet some interesting people. It has made me realize who I want to be when I am older. There are a lot of people that are so angry with life, who treat others with no respect whatsoever. For example, one day a guy came in with his daughter and he walked straight up to the counter and asked me, How much money is it going to cost to eat at this damn place? He was coming off a little aggressive so I responded to the best of my ability and said very nicely, Well how many do you have in your party today? he told me and it came out to be more than he expected. He started throwing cuss words at me and telling me that it was too expensive and all that jazz so I smiled, and just said, Sorry. He paid and moved on with his life and out of mine. I told my manager what happened and she told me I did the right thing. I mean what do you do in that situation? I was not going to yell back at him and say, Its not my fault it is so expensive sir! I dont make the prices! Im just the cashier! If its so expensive, then why dont you go eat at McDonalds or something? Yeah, that would have definitely gotten me fired. But I

Devree Richhart Period 3 SLCC English 1010 Reflective Memoir

remained calm. Im glad that I have become somewhat immune to people and their insults. The experiences that I have had to deal with have strengthened me as a person. I would not change anything, well maybe I would like to change how I didnt talk to that boy in elementary just because he hugged that girl, and maybe I should have said more than one word to my crush in 7th grade, but thats in the past so, oh well? Ive learned from it. Knowing how much Ive changed as a person has been rewarding to look back on. Starting out as a shy, chubby girl with no real friends to transforming to the responsible teenager I am today, has been an interesting life experience. Important people in my life have helped me as well. I dont know where I would be without some of my good friends or my parents. I am happy with the person I am today, and I am looking forward to many more adventures and learning experiences to strengthen me.