Most days I completely forget but on those specific mornings all the pain rushes back into my body

and I begin to cry again. Every time I took a beating I felt an aching build up in my heart that I labeled as anger but as soon I let it out, I realized it was humiliation I was humiliated by my weakness the fact that I couldnt get up that I continued to kiss at command the feet of the man tossing me around After each episode, I would run back to my room. Contemplating terrible thoughts were the only thing I could do since I couldnt muster the courage to look at him So Id drown myself in tears instead Now that Ive grown out of the need to be beaten I can sleep without irrational fear A part of my mind is still trapped in the shakings of my former self And I begin to dream about what I would have done If only I had the power to defy him in the past Then I would have beaten myself so he could see That hes not the only one who can beat me On these specific mornings I realize numb wounds never heal.